Every Breath After: Part One

Lost Boys #3

by Jessie Walker

𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑶𝑼𝑳𝑫 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑩𝑬 𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑬.

A promise. A wish. A twist of fate.

I fell in love with 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗪𝘆𝗮𝘁𝘁 before I even knew the meaning of the word. Long before I even considered that the rumors about me were true.

Like a superhero from the pages of our favorite comics, he’s always been there for me, time and time again. My friend. My protector. My rock.

On the outside, he’s everything I’m not. Brave and ambitious—even a little reckless. He wears his heart on his sleeve, while I keep mine locked up, terrified of what might burst out should I let my guard down even the slightest bit.

But Mason’s got his secrets too, ones only I’m privy to. Demons not unlike the ones I’ve been at war with for as long as I can remember. Perhaps that’s why, from the second we met, he’s always felt like 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦.

Too bad he’s straight… and in love with my twin sister.

For years, I’ve had no choice but to grin and bear it from the sidelines, wishing for things to be different, waiting for the day I could finally leave our tiny town and get over the boy who was never meant for me.

But when the unthinkable happens, shattering life as we know it, I find myself trapped in the ruins of what once was.

He needs me.
And I need him to need me.

Together, we try to find shelter in the wreckage of who we were and what we lost, weathering lows I could never have even imagined.

But the closer we get, the worse things fall apart…
And I can’t help but wonder, if perhaps it was a kinder fate when I could only love him from afar.

It’s true what they say.
𝘽𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙛𝙤𝙧.

Every Breath After: Part I is a full-length, slow burn, emotional, friends to lovers M/M romance novel coming May 3rd 2024. Part II TBA. This is not a standalone. It is highly recommended this series be read in order, starting with Where There's A Will (Lost Boys Book 1). TW will be posted on author’s website closer to release.

Genres: M M Romance, Friends To Lovers, Romance, Slow Burn, Found Family, Dark Romance, Mental Health

700 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 3, 2024

About the author

Jessie Walker is an indie author of queer love stories based out of Scranton, Pennsylvania, where she lives with her long-time partner and fur-spawn. Drawn to all things dark and twisted, she likes to pretend she's not the hopeless romantic at heart that she is. She has ADHD and a background in psychology/mental health services, both of which contribute greatly to her storytelling and the themes of her long-winded, character-driven works. When she's not drudging away at a keyboard, there's a very good chance you'll find her vegged out on her couch, listening to sad '90s grunge, and day dreamin’ about the all the stories crowding her brain.

Random Facts About Me
Scorpio Sun | Aries Moon | Scorpio Rising
The most socially anxious ENFP you'll ever meet.
Chaotic AF because decisioning and planning is hard.

Reviews

[⊹ ⁺ ₊ ✧ she's book obsessed ✧ ₊ ⁺ ⊹ · Rating 5 out of 5]

⊹ ⁺ ₊ ✧ Every Breath After: Part 1 ┊ 5 stars ✧ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

☆₊⋆ → thoughts┊My heart is on the floor somewhere bleeding after reading that last page. It actually fucking hurts to breathe. It’s like there’s a hole in my chest after being punched repeatedly by this book. That’s how much I love these characters. Please bear with me while I attempt to translate my emotions into words, because trying to convey how much this story means to me is not easy.

∘₊✧ ── Chills explode across my skin, and I swear all the blood rushes to my head at once, leaving me dizzy. He shudders, and I shiver, and it feels like what I imagine it’s like when a star collapses in on itself. ── ✧₊∘

☆₊⋆ → characters┊There’s a whole lot of self-growth and self-discovery going on in this book, and it takes centre stage as the book spans across 19 years (approximately). This book details Mason and Jeremy’s journey as life throws them for a loop. Multiple times. All the time. Things get downright ugly. These characters go THROUGH it. That is to say, they aren’t without their flaws. They’re not perfect. And that’s precisely why I love them so much, I think. Because they are authentic and multifaceted and honest and REAL. It allows me to relate to certain aspects of each character, in turn making me root for them so much harder.

∘₊✧ ── "Our stars are only ever meant to exist from opposite sides of the sun burning brightly forever between us." ── ✧₊∘

∘₊✧ ── "And all I can think is… I found you." ── ✧₊∘

⋆╰┈✩ Jeremy is my sweet precious darling angel baby. I want to give him a big hug and tell him everything is going to be okay eventually. He goes through so much and he’s such a strong and resilient character. Reading about his growth and self-discovery, finding himself, was absolutely beautiful. Let’s just say I cried an excessive amount of tears over this boy.

∘₊✧ ── "I’m not Jeremy the Coward anymore. And if hope shall be my downfall… Then fall I will." ── ✧₊∘

⋆╰┈✩ Mason tugged at my heart in a different kind way. His past plays an underlying role in the way he forms connections with others, and continues to influence his relationships, making it difficult for him to not react impulsively at the first sign of someone pulling away. I don’t want to spoil too much, I’d rather you read it in real-time and experience it for yourself. He’s so broken and loving and tries his hardest not to fuck up, but oh well. Mason still has some discovering to do, and I can’t wait to read about it in part 2.

∘₊✧ ── "Just gotta… hold my breath and count to ten, right?” He wets his lips. “Every breath after that… it’ll be a little easier." ── ✧₊∘

☆₊⋆ → plot/setting┊As Jessie Walker has stated, this book is about the journey, not the destination. It’s a coming-of-age, character-driven saga. It’s not your typical romance book, it’s so much more.

⋆╰┈✩ some of the tropes are:
⤷ childhood friends to lovers
⤷ slow burn (HEAVY on this)
⤷ angst
⤷ bi awakening
⤷ codependency
⤷ found family
⤷ a dash of rockstar romance
⤷ gritty small town vibes
⤷ mental health rep
⤷ addiction and recovery themes
⤷ grief and healing

∘₊✧ ── We’re broken. Shattered. Pieces scattered across a frozen alien landscape. We’ll never be the same. How the fuck did we get here? ── ✧₊∘

☆₊⋆ → writing┊Every time I finished a chapter it felt like I could finally come up for air and BREATHE. Until my eyes landed on the first page of the next chapter and it felt like I was dying all over again. Hah pain, I welcome thee.

⋆╰┈✩ With Jessie Walker’s writing, you’re not just simply reading words on a page. It’s more of an immersive experience. You’re right there with the characters, rooting for them every step of they way, praying that they’ll make it through to the end. The author’s writing tears at my heart and speaks to my soul. That’s the only way I could describe it.

⋆╰┈✩ The thematic use of stars and fate and balance is woven so intricately into the storytelling. It’s such a beautiful way of pointing the reader in the right direction, letting you discover first-hand what was hidden behind the words stars all along.

∘₊✧ ── "His lips thin, and he tips his head back, sparing the black sky one last look. “Perhaps the answers you seek aren’t in the stars… but in the spaces between them.”" ── ✧₊∘

∘₊✧ ── "The sky is black, and so, so, vast, and yet for once, I can see it all—see what’s been hiding between the stars I resented for years. Stars I let myself be blinded by." ── ✧₊∘

☆₊⋆ → parting words┊This series, these characters, are like no other. They are unmatched. Nothing compares to them. I’m so grateful to Jessie Walker for allowing us to experience their journey. It’s raw and deep and a hell of an emotional rollercoaster that I never want to get off of.

⋆╰┈✩ If there’s ONE thing I want to achieve with this review, it’s to convince others to give this series a chance, and let themselves experience Jessie Walker’s work, hoping that they will enjoy it as much as I will continue to do.

⋆╰┈✩ Yes, I do know this review is basically me professing my undying love for this series. Deal with it. Better yet, take the fucking hint and read the damn books.

⋆╰┈✩ I know the page count might look daunting at first glance but when I tell you I read this book in one sitting. 13 hours no breaks. That’s how consumed I was by this story and these characters.

⋆╰┈✩ If you haven’t read this series yet but I somehow miraculously convinced you to do so, start with the first book, Where There a Will!!

⋆╰┈✩ Until part 2 comes out:

∘₊✧ ── "Day by day. Breath by breath. That’s all I have." ── ✧₊∘

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄☆⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

⭒ ⊹ ₊ reread ₊ ⊹ ⭒
⤷ 17/08/24 ┊I’ll never get enough of them.

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ 1:35 ─── ⊹ songs I listened to ⊹ ────── 3:47
♪ You Get What You Give ─ New Radicals
⤷ "Don’t let go, you’ve got the music in you"
♪ Jeremy ─ Pearl Jam
⤷ "King Jeremy the wicked, Oh ruled his world"
♪ If You’re Gonna Break My Heart ─ Inhaler
⤷ "If you’re gonna break my heart, smash it to pieces"
♪ ur so pretty ─ Wasia Project
⤷ "You’re the only person left, so hold me, don’t leave me"
♪ Sleeping With The Lights On ─ Searows
⤷ "I would’ve followed you anywhere, ‘cause if I loved you at the start then I would love you at the end"
♫ Author’s playlist
⤷ This playlist is phenomenal and I highly recommend listening to this while reading the book.

☾ TWs ☽

I received an ARC and this is my honest review.

౨ৎ happy reading ౨ৎ

[Mila · Rating 4 out of 5]

***4.0 rating***

"In his arms, I'm a stand-in for someone else. In mine, he's everything I've always wanted."

Alexa play Dancing On My Own by Calum Scott.😭

Excuse me while I go cry in a corner.😭

Prepare to have your heart broken because that's exactly what Ms. Walker did to me with her beautiful writing.

800+ pages of angst, turmoil, trauma, pining, and so much more. Jessie finally tells us how Jeremy and Mase became obsessed with one another. Two peas in a pod because what else 😭. I cried for Jeremy. I cried for Mason. I cried for them not being together just yet and them pining for one another. Nothing hurts so good like a good friends-to-lovers story even if it feels somewhat unrequited in the beginning. Oh to fall in love with your best friend who is also supposedly your "dead sister's" former lover is something I can only read in fiction because in real life I would be like WTF.

These two have it bad for each other. They have their own personal demons that haunt them. There is character development and growth. Love that for them. We see Jeremy going from an insecure anxious boy to someone who learns to stand up for himself and set boundaries with others. We have Mason who has been mourning his lover and battling addiction realizing that there is more to life than grief, trauma, and pain. But sometimes we realize those things too late. Sometimes the best things are in front of us and we don't realize it until we lose them. The hurt/comfort is strong with this book as well as the angst. So if you expect a romance story this isn't that. Every Breath After is essentially the beginning of Mason and Jeremy's journey. I feel that it is important to read all the books in order, to truly understand not just the characters but to fully immerse yourself in the Lost Boys universe. That also means reading Izzy's book; Little Bird Lost. I understand that book isn't for everyone but Izzy is a big part of Mason and Jeremy's story. You have to understand her to understand the relationship between them. Though she is quite annoying in this book.

With all that said, I don't wanna spill too much in this review because reading EBA is truly an experience. I didn't give this 5 stars because the length of this book was super long😭 and also that ending💔 because Jessie why you gotta break my heart like that sis?😭💔


Also Mason my love😭💔I need these two to have their happily ever after in book two because they FUCKING deserve it!!!

I need book two like I need air. I know I am an extra bitch but these babies deserve the world and then some.

I received a complimentary copy of this arc for free from the author and this is my honest opinion/review

[Miki_reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

"He’s what’s been missing all along… What I’ve been chasing. Right in front of my fucking face."

Everyone say hello to Mason 'wait you think I'm gorgeous' Wyatt and Jeremy 'I'm fine' Montgomery. Buckle up and let them fucking DESTROY you.

I HAVE NOT CRIED LIKE THIS SINCE MY SISTER DIED AND IM ALREADY PLANNING A REREAD FOR RELEASE DAY.

Ok so the number one thing you need to know about me going into this review is that I am Jeremy Montgomery's number one fan. I have been unhealthily obsessed with that boy for FAR too long now, idk if its the shared dead sister trauma/pearl jam obsession or what, BUT I FUCKING LOVE HIM HE HAS ALLLLWAYS BEEN MY FAV IN THIS UNIVERSE AND HE STILL FUCKING IS. In saying that, I have always been a STAUNCH Mason Wyatt defender and my baby did not fucking let me down here. There are few characters out there who feel as genuinely real and human as these 2.

The first instalment in this duet definitely reads more like a coming of age story than a romance, you get to grow up with them and understand them in a way alot of romances don't allow you to. It's definitely giving "it was always you" vibes and you really do have this feeling of inevitability when you're reading their story. Like they really are 2 stars that were always destined to collide and it was just a matter of when. These 2 are so obsessed with eachother. They're eachothers safe space. They constantly want to be in eachothers orbit even when it destroys them and ya gal is DOWN FUCKING BAD. Seeing them as kids was so fucking beautiful and it just made me wanna drown myself in my tears (affectionate).

This book broke my fucking heart and after 2 years of waiting for it I wouldn't want it any other way. The grief exploration and addiction rep is one of the most special things about this series to me in general but with these two it just hits so much harder. As someone who has lost siblings, Jessie just nailed every aspect of that feeling through Jer and his families eyes. Which brings me to my fav lost boys. Jeremy goes from a chronically anxious terrified little boy to a man able to stand on his own two feet even when it kills him. His journey is definitely one of my favourites of all time, he means even more to me than I thought possible. The way he just keeps growing into himself more and more makes me wanna die. Jer is now on par with Sky for my fav Jessie character ever and if you know me you know HOW FUCKING MUCH I LOVE SKY. As for Mase, even when he's his most broken he loves big and he loves fucking hard and I have to appreciate him for it even when he's a big dumb dumb (members of the trying to do the right thing and fucking it up club unite ✊️). He might be an addict who hurts the people around him when he's off the deep end but if you've ever loved an addict you know how realistic that is. A sober Mase though? Has my whole fucking heart, as I said that boy loves fucking HARDDDDD and he might just love Jeremy the most in his world. This boy is so damn growly and protective and I hate to be that bitch but it turns out I swoon for a damn saviour complex, SUE ME.

I realise this isnt really a review and more me waxing poetic but WHATEVER. They go through it, they grow, they change, they learn and I'm so frigging proud of both of them 😭😭😭 (even though this isn't even wrapped up yet). JESSIE I NEED PART 2, ANGEL AS A PET NAME AND I NEED SERVICE TOP MASON, I AM LITERALLY BEGGING FOR AN ANGRY I LOVE YOU PLZ GIMME RN.

Also the cliffy HAHAHAHA YESSSS BRING IT ON. I'm giddy even if 98% of this was STRAIGHT PAIN, the dehydration was so worth it idgaf what Maslow says about basic human needs.

Infinity stars forever and ever and ever.


*I received an arc, and this is my honest review*

[moonlight ☾ [semi-hiatus]]

update: november '22
‼️ RELEASE YEAR IS 2023 ‼️ 2023 can't come soon enough, but at least i'll have something to look forward to for next year. this pairing will live in my head rent free until then. 🥹

***

after reading the first two books, i have some theories on what could possibly happen (i don't usually do theories, but this pairing is stuck in my head SO DON'T JUDGE 😭).

✧ book two left off with Jeremy going to Europe bc he wanted to study abroad, putting distance between him and Mason and i feel like this distance could help the tension that was brewing between the two ease down the next time they see each other. i think it could also be a situation of distance makes the heart grow fonder? it doesn't seem like Mason is quite ready for feelings just yet (but it was stated towards the end of the book that he went on a date with a woman who was in a similar situation as him), but it lowkey felt like there was at least something there??
✧ since the Lost Boys are famous by the end of book two, i feel like people will dig up the boys' pasts and, because of that, Izzy will be brought up in the convo, which could trigger both Mason and Jeremy.
✧ i don't think it was confirmed Izzy was actually dead? this is probably a stretch, but imagine she appears in this book the moment Mason and Jeremy's romance begins to blossom? and, bc of that, it's like they're back in the past again. the angst. 😭
✧ i'm glad it was shown in book two Jeremy was able to control his feelings for Mason rather than giving in easily. i truly hope he won't let himself be "second place" or a rebound if their romance starts where Mason is still broken over Izzy. that's an angst i can't handle. 😩

[Megan [At The Cottage] · Rating 5 out of 5]

LGBTQIA+ Coming of Age
Part 1 of a duet
NOT A STAND-ALONE
5++++ Star ⭐️ Angst fest


If you haven’t read Little Bird Lost and want to without spoilers, don’t read my review. Also, I have an essay of spoilers for LBL I wrote for someone else last year that didn’t want to read it so if that interests you, message me and I’ll send it to you. I do think everyone should at least read Chapters 11, 13-16 and 54. Especially 54 because of the prologue in this book.


I never listen to playlists in books. I love music but I rarely bother because I can’t listen to music and read at the same time so once I finish a book I’m usually ready to just move on however I can’t stop thinking about these characters. I had to go back to Little Bird Lost and look up some scenes and then I read the prologue for this one again and I’m 1000% certain I got the ending wrong on LBL or at least I pray I did because I thought Mason had that agonized look because of Izzy but now, now that I know what I do, there’s just no way I had that right. That gasp and agonized look was in response to whatever Jeremy said to him at the door and was most likely a tie in to Jeremy’s inner turmoil in this book and I can only keep my fingers and toes crossed that Mason runs out right after him instead of letting him go. So, after torturing myself with all those scenes again and still feeling like a heartbroken 15 year old, crushed by my first love and run over by a truck I decided listening to the playlist was a great idea. 🙄 I’m such a masochist. 😭 The first track was so haunting that I felt panicked and I haven’t felt that tingly, need to escape, anxious feeling in ages and then a song came on that I loved in high school. I loved 3rd Eye Blind and yah they had some tortured songs but it was like hearing this one for the first time. So now I’m sitting here at 9:52pm on a Monday night sobbing again because this book ripped me apart and stitched itself into my soul. I knew to expect angst but Jessie Walker took me somewhere I don’t know how to come back from right now. I’m brokenhearted over fictional boys that feel more real than anything I’ve ever read or experienced in a book before. Boys who are soulmates and always have been but have had and are still going through hell to find each other again in a sea of darkness. Even if I had the ending to this right now I don’t know that I could just go pick it up because this is a story that needs to be sat with and thought about because there’s just so much here especially with the tie ins to Way&Will’s duet and yet I need the next book like I need air.

Please don’t go into this book thinking it’s a romance because it’s not. It’s a coming of age story and it’s exactly what I wanted, to go back to the start and relive their lives in chronological order and I totally got my wish but like Jeremy said “be careful what you wish for” because I.AM.SUCH.A.MESS. 😭😭

Thank you Jessie for ignoring all the people who wanted you to rush this and doing it at your pace, on your terms because it’s a fucking masterpiece, all 960 pages of it. And I just want moremoremoremore. 💗💗💗💗 Oh and I highlighted the crap out of this book and then realized at the end I had like whole pages highlighted. That’s probably the best compliment I can give you that I wanted to keep all your words with me. Always. 💗

Thanks Cyndi for buddy reading this with me. I can’t imagine tackling these books without you now 💗 & to everyone else who messaged me and talked me through my grief, you’re the best 🤗🤗🤗 I’ve met the best community of people reading gay romance. 💗💗

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am broken.

Seriously, this book absolutely destroyed me. I cried from start to finish. My eyes hurt, my heart hurts, my fucking soul hurts.

This is exactly what I needed to read to understand these characters more - it just wouldn't have felt right to dive right in to their story if it just followed on from the conclusion of Will and Way's story.

Jeremy is absolutely everything and the pain that he's experienced for his entire life just gutted me. I have been screaming WHAT ABOUT JEREMY since book 1, and now getting to experience everything from his POV.... it fucking hurts so much! I hate his parents for pretty much forgetting he existed. I hated Mason for the way he leant on him. I hated Way for pulling away. Jeremy deserves the entire fucking world.

Mason surprised me though, and although he's been so fucking selfish I really appreciate being able to see inside his head and to follow how he's come to terms with everything, the guilt he's felt about his feelings for a very long time and the way he's holding on to something and he doesn't really know why.

That ending..... I swear I felt my heart break. There is not enough emotional support chocolate in my vicinity right now.

I know it's going to hurt so much more yet with the second part of their story, but I'm such a masochist when it comes to books that I would happily sit and read it right now if I could, regardless of the fact I'm likely bordering on dehydration from all the fucking crying this book and Little Bird Lost have put me through this week!!

Also it may be an unpopular opinion but I really can't stand Izzy. Even after reading the first part of her story I never liked her - I can definitely empathise with her, but I never warmed to her. And now I really don't like her at all purely for how she treated Jeremy. I've never liked steamroller characters, in real life or in books and I can't say I ever will. That being said I do want to see the conclusion to her story too, but more for the other characters involved, particularly the eagles...

[Noa · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Our stars are only ever meant to exist from opposite sides of the sun burning brightly forever between us."

Ok so this book is one that I cannot write a blurb for because I feel like it will not do it justice.
Jessie Walker absolutely broke me with this book and I cannot thank her enough for it.
The absolute whiplash I went through with this book is INSANE - the rollercoaster is on and it did not stop.
Jeremy and Mason have become my Roman Empire so quick and the amount of diagnostics I did with Milo in this book is INSANE.
All the credit to Milo for this - but this is the best character study I have ever read - it is dark, gritty, real, emotional, and makes you cry like it is nobody's business.

"We’re broken. Shattered. Pieces scattered across a frozen alien landscape. We’ll never be the same."

I am gonna start with Mason.
I loved Mason - he was absolutely adorable and he had the best intentions always. Even if sometimes he had no idea what the fuck was going on - he always tried to understand and fix it. Especially with Jeremy. Izzy, I think, was a big part of his life but not in the way that he thought. She might have been his girlfriend and (as literally everyone shoved down his throat) the love of his life but I don't think he knew himself well enough to fully understand what was happening. He wanted to be wanted and Izzy and Jeremy provided that for him - but with Jeremy he had to fight more to be the hero. His relationship with Jeremy is one that I love so much but makes me so sad. I feel so bad for both of them in literally every part of the book - I don't think there is one part where I am not completely depressed by them I swear. Jeremy is hurting. Mason is hurting. And they do things because of that hurt that hurt each other (as in "hurt people hurt people" - and this is the best example for that). I really hope they get more happiness in the next book and as we know with Jessie Walker - it's definitely going to be hard-fought.

"Two things can be true at once. But something will always come along and tip the scales eventually."

Jeremy Montgomery.
I said from the very beginning of this book that I identified with Jeremy the most. First of all - the panic attacks of course - the way they are portrayed is such an accurate portrayal (to me). The way he was bullied in school and he always had his twin (who in his mind he loved but resented because of who she was). He was always in the shadow, always had Izzy and when he finally thought he had Mason - it was taken away from him in a way. The song that I think matches Jeremy is "Cause of a Scene" in the playlist - he doesn't think he deserves anything good. He doesn't want to ruin everything. Because that is what he thinks he is - the thing that ruins everything. That everyone is better off without him and even when Mason tells him that it is not true he doesn't believe him because he can't. His own mind won't let him. He feels bad for not feeling guilty for Izzy. And him and Mason don't know how to act after that so they lash out in different ways - some calmer and some more chaotic. As I said before, I feel bad for both of them but for me Jeremy was absolutely devastating.

"Can he feel the gravity of it all, pulling us down?"

Ok. This one was a hard one to write and I really hoped I made some sort of sense - I cannot wait to see how this story and Izzy's progresses because one thing we know for sure is trauma is gonna be served.

"Day by day. Breath by breath. That’s all I have."

This playlist was hard to make but some songs just popped up and I could not get them out of my head. I would recommend listening to Jessie Walker's playlist because it is absolute PERFECTION. But these are the songs that I added:

(Link - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1uV... )

🎶 "BREATHING UNDERWATER" - Hot Milk
🎶 "Hello" - Evanescence
🎶 "Cause of a Scene" - Jake Wesley Rogers
🎶 "BLURRY" - Neoni
🎶 "Ghost Town" - Neoni, Layto
🎶 "Boy In The Bubble" - Alec Benjamin
🎶 "Family Line" - Conan Gray
🎶 "Screaming Underwater" - Alex Warren
🎶 "doomsday" - Lizzy McAlpine
🎶 "Carry on Wayward Son" - Neoni
🎶 "medicine" - Bring Me The Horizon
🎶 "Creep" - Kina Grannis
🎶 "when we were young" - Architects
🎶 "Madness" - Muse
🎶 "Heather" - Conan Gray
🎶 "Papa Was A Rolling Stone" - Slash, Demi Lovato
🎶 "Mad World" - Palaye Royale
🎶 "She Ruins Everything" - Ellise
🎶 "Grow as We Go" - Ben Platt
��� "stacy's brother" - Mad Tsai
🎶 "Silence" - Marshmello, Khalid
🎶 "Panic Room - Acoustic" - Au/Ra
🎶 "Can't Help Falling In Love - DARK" - Tommee Profitt, brroke
🎶 "Can You Feel My Heart - Remix" - Bring Me The Horizon, Jakwob
🎶 "Rue's I'm Tired" - Labrinth, Zendaya
🎶 "I Just Wanna Run" - The Downtown Fiction
🎶 "Billie Jean" - Daniela Andrade
🎶 "Ghost" - Badflower
🎶 "Chokehold" - Sleep Token
🎶 "Nurse's Office" - Melanie Martinez
🎶 "Can't Pretend" - Tom Odell
🎶 "Broken" - Lund
🎶 "my worst enemy" - Bailey Spinn
🎶 "Train Wreck" - James Arthur
🎶 "Losing Control" - Villain of the Story
🎶 "MANTRA" - Bring Me The Horizon
🎶 "As They Bloom" - Unlike Pluto
🎶 "Numb" - Linkin Park
🎶 "I Don't Smoke - Audiotree Live Version" - Mitski
🎶 "Let You Down" - NF
🎶 "BitterSweet Symphony" - The Verve
🎶 "Wish You Were Here" - Avril Lavigne
🎶 "As Above, So Below" - In This Moment
🎶 "We Are Broken" - Paramore
🎶 "Iris" - DIAMANTE, Breaking Benjamin
🎶 "Tattoos" - Renee Rapp
🎶 "My Immortal" - Evanescence
🎶 "When You're Gone" - Avril Lavigne
🎶 "Wicked Game - Acoustic; Live" - Stone Sour
🎶 "Nothing Else Matters" - Miley Cyrus, WATT, Elton John, Yo-Yo Ma, Robert Trujillo, Chad Smith
🎶 "sTraNgeRs" - Bring Me The Horizon
🎶 "Hurricane - Reimagined" - I Prevail
🎶 "Orange Juice" - Noah Kahan
🎶 "On My Own" - The Used
🎶 "Bad Habits" - Silverstein, Intervals
🎶 "Lean On" - Like Swimming
🎶 "Dancing With The Devil - Live Acoustic" - Demi Lovato
🎶 "Destroy You" - Flatsound
🎶 "EASY TO DROWN" - elijah
🎶 "Chasing Shadows - Acoustic" - Alex Warren
🎶 "HUMAN" - elijah, Matty Mullins
🎶 "Achilles Come Down" - Gang of Youths
🎶 "Way down We Go - Stripped" - KALEO
🎶 "The Maze" - J. Maya
🎶 "Enter Sandman" - Alessia Cara, The Warning
🎶 "All For Us" - Labrinth, Zendaya
🎶 "In Circles" - Holding Absence
🎶 "More" - 5 Seconds of Summer

🖌️ Tropes 🖌️

🎹 Childhood Friends
🎹 Slow Burn
🎹 Angst
🎹 Co-dependency
🎹 Found Family
🎹 Mental Health Rep
🎹 Addiction and Recovery

Book Edit -https://www.instagram.com/p/C-Admxgor...

[carolina · Rating 5 out of 5]

࿐ Perhaps that is why I continue to burn and burn for him. Because in these brief moments of reprieve, like now, where just for a second, the noose loosens, the flames retreat just enough for the smoke to clear, and gravity no longer feels like a curse but a relief… I can remember what it’s like to breathe freely again.

ᝰ.ᐟ 5 stars

The whole time I was reading this book I felt like I had a lump stuck in my throat and I couldn't get it out no matter how hard I tried. All the pain the characters felt, I felt too, and it was as if I was suffering with them. Sharing their grief and heartbreak. It was agonising and soul-crushing and gut-wrenchingly sad. Reading Every Breath After is like walking down a dark, scary tunnel, not knowing if you'll ever see daylight again. But here and there you catch glimpses of light that reassure you that, no matter how long it takes, someday, everything will be okay. The characters' lives are filled with insurmountable amounts of pain and sorrow, but the sun still shines and there is hope, even if it can be quite cruel. There is happiness, however fleeting, and there is love. A never ending rush of love pouring from their hearts.

── .✦ When did we grow up? We were seventeen and then it’s just a black hole—a horrible, awful black hole, with threads of light shining through, as the grief slowly but surely gave way to acceptance.

To call this book a romance would be wrong, because it is first and foremost a coming-of-age story. It's about self-growth and self-discovery. It's character driven and spans many years, starting with Mason and Jeremy's childhood. This book wasn't what I expected, but it was everything I could have hoped for and more. Jessie handled their story with such love and care. It was raw and human and perfect in all its imperfections. The author portrayed grief, addiction, sexuality and mental health struggles in a very honest and real way. The characters are deeply complex and it's hard to imagine that they exist only as words on paper. It's so easy to root for them (even when they act like idiots).

「 jeremy montgomery 」

── .✦ - And all I can think is… I found you.
JJ. Jeremy. The boy from the song.

Jeremy is my sweet angel boy and I'm ready to go to war for him. I will not let any more harm come to him because he has suffered enough. God, the amount of pain he felt in this whole book is insane. It's enough to completely obliterate a human being. But Jeremy is resilient and strong and he went from being an anxious, shy, scared little boy to a man who can look pain in the eye, accept it, feel it and not let it destroy him. I'm proud of him and I love him and I want nothing more than for him to be happy.

── .✦ I’m not Jeremy the Coward anymore. I’m Jeremy the Wicked. And if hope shall be my downfall… Then fall I will.

「 mason wyatt 」

── .✦ Invisible. You’re invisible. Nothing can touch you. Nothing else exists. You are the music.

Mason, Mason, Mason. Where to begin? He has a big heart and loves hard, but his past strongly influences the way he forms connections. He's so afraid of being abandoned that he clings to people and develops codependent relationships. Mason tries so hard not to fuck things up, but he's not always successful. He showed signs of self-awareness and growth towards the end, but he still has a bit more growing up to do.

── .✦ We’re raw and exposed, stripped down to the bare bones, with nothing but what’s inside us to rely on. Nothing but these withered hearts in our chest that refuse to quit. They pound and they pound—war drums beating out from the very depths of us, crying out as we charge into this nameless battle.

𓍯𓂃♡ mason and jeremy

── .✦ Like two stars thrown on a collision course, racing at warp speed across the galaxy, we crash into each other in a white-hot explosion that rattles the universe.

Mason and Jeremy's connection is bone deep, and the way their story is told makes it clear that they are meant to be. They're written in the stars, fated soulmates. The only ones who have ever been able to see each other. But there's a long way to go before they're ready to embark on a journey together. Jeremy has spent too long pining for Mason, loving him from afar, haunted by the thought that he would never have the person he loves most. Now it's time for Mason to get a taste of that.

── .✦ He is the void. Him. Jeremy. He’s what’s been missing all along… What I’ve been chasing. Right in front of my fucking face.

I think what makes this story even more special is the writing. It's achingly beautiful and so full of meaning. It immerses you in the story and makes you feel everything the characters feel, almost as if you're living their lives.

── .✦ “Perhaps the answers you seek aren’t in the stars…but in the space between them.”

There's so much I could say (I have a huge note in my notes app with all my thoughts about this book) but I don't want to give away too much of the story. I think everyone should experience it for themselves. I hope this review convinces you to give this book a chance, and if you haven't started the Lost Boys series yet, you need to stop everything and go read Where's There a Will.

.ᐟ(I strongly recommend reading the spin-off, Little Bird Lost, before Every Breath After)

I love this book, I love these characters, I love this world. All the love I felt pouring out of this book made all the moments of pain worth it. Now I’ll sit here, waiting impatiently for part two to come out.

[aleksandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

2/5

It happened—after six months, I finally know how to rate it. Two stars, because thinking about this story and its characters still makes me mad.


────────

Initially, this was supposed to be a long review—seriously, probably one of the longest I've ever written on my goodreads, because I have so many thoughts about this story in my head, so many annotations written on my kindle, but this book just exhausted me mentally to such an extent that I don't know if I will ever be able to write everything I think about it here. I literally don't even know how to rate it, so I think it'll stay without any stars for a while. Maybe I'll come back after Every Breath After: Part 2 to review and rate it, we'll see, but I sincerely doubt it will ever happen.

Mason and Jeremy's story is just so damn messy that I'm not even surprised when Jessie Walker herself said that the initial endgame was supposed to be Mason and Izzy as I myself couldn't physically root for Jer and Mase most of the time I was reading their love story. I was extremely excited to read this book and eagerly awaited its final release date because I absolutely fell in love with Jeremy’s character in Will and Way's books. Honestly, I wasn't a fan of the story that Jessie Walker had prepared for him, because years of pinning for his "straight" twin sister’s boyfriend, with whom he had many firsts with—although I know that who really matters is the person who stays with you at the end, but unfortunately it still didn't make me feel better as I thought Jeremy deserved the best and I wasn't sure if Mason would be that "best". Personally, I could never imagine myself being with my sibling's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend—or as in this case, at least for now, my dead twin sister's boyfriend because it's just weird and not right to me, so when I was looking forward to reading this, I started this book mainly because of Jer as I needed to finally see this guy getting his very much deserved happy ending. Now that I've finished it, I honestly don't even know if I still like Jeremy and Mason. These two have been through a lot in their lives, I know they're human—we're not perfect, but some of the things they said/did and thought made me so incredibly mad that even though I tried so hard to understand them, I just... I just couldn't, so unfortunately with a heavy heart I deleted them from my "favorite characters" folder, or at least Jeremy, who was there for a long time. I never in my life thought this was possible in any universe.

I'm so happy for all my friends here who loved EBA, but at the same time I'm sorry that I can't share these feelings with you. I'm definitely going to read the second part of their story one day, because I hate leaving things unfinished, but unfortunately my excitement won't be as great as for this part.


────────

The FINAL release date is MAY 3 omgggg I’m crying right now, after YEARS of wait it’s finally coming to ussss


────────

WE HAVE TROPES AND ITS COMING SOON

PLEASE BE REAL PLEASEEEEEE


────────

PREPARE TO BE SICK OF ME

[patrícia · Rating 5 out of 5]

eviscerated.

I don't have much more to say other than this being the most incredible book I've ever read.

The way Jessie involves us with the characters, comforts us with that suffering, how she cradles us in the story is something I've never experienced... EVER!

I started this book loving Jeremy fiercely, I ended this book loving him even more, but my blue eyes baby Mason... How I fell in love with him... What a character, beautiful person and messed up in equal ammounts.

The ending left a hole in my life, I don't want to be dramatic but right now I'm having a hard time moving on, knowing that I'm going to have to wait, but mentally I know it was necessary. This book is one of the most intense, painful books I've ever read, but do you know what else? LoveditLoveditLovedit

Moment of almost heart failiure - Mason's final letter... TOTAL destruction!

[Kati *☆･ﾟ]

***no rating*** - for now

How do I make you believe the sober truth about drunken lies

I honestly don’t know how I feel about this book and its revelations. I guess I have to sit with it for a while longer to know what to make of it.

Thanks to Jessie’s extended afterword I now feel a bit better about it than I did for most of my time reading it. I’m still not sure I’m going to like this part in the end.

This book was not what I expected or wished for. Like none of it. At all. Maybe I’ll come to terms, maybe not. Knowing that how the beginning of Mason’s and Jeremy’s story turned out was a surprise to Jessie too, makes it easier for me to handle.

“I just want to forget,” he wrenches out. “I just want a fucking break from all this shit. Just when I think I’m finally free of you—you pull me back in, and without a fucking care in the world.

I loved the end of this part one. It makes me very excited for part two.

**************
Shilohverse recommended reading

Lost Boys Book 1 - Where There’s A Will - 5.0 stars
Lost Boys Book 2 - If There’s A Way - 5.0 stars
Lost Boys Novella - All We Are
Lost Boys Novella - Still Beating - 5.0 stars

Aviary Duet Book 1 - Little Bird Lost - 5.0 stars

Lost Boys Book 3 - Every Breath After, Part 1 - no rating for now


Expected to come soon:
Every Breath After, Part 2
Aviary Duet Book 2
Lost Boys Book 4

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

**** 5 Stars *****

Book #1 in this series was a 3-star read for me.

I only downloaded this book because I've been drifting through the book world, blindly shooting in all directions, and finding nothing that truly engages, speaks to, or hits me.

I started this story with zero expectations yesterday, and 24 hours later, ignoring all house chores, AND the bloody groceries I was supposed to do on my day off work, I must say, it's been a while since I felt this consumed by a story.

The intensity of this book grabbed me, with its angst, grieving, and pining. *Swoon*
It worked better for me because it was tightly focused on Jeremy and Mason's story. In contrast, book #1 had drama all over the place and excessive conflict, which made me lose interest and skip book #2. (I might go back and read it now.)



4.5 Stars was my initial rate for this story, but after reading the Author's afterword I am giving it 5 Stars.
I just hope she finds the inspiration to give us closure.
Because holy shit, we deserve it.

[Arianna · Rating 2 out of 5]

hey mason, look at me


















bitch.

[melancholy_reader [hiatus] · Rating 5 out of 5]

rtc— I NEED TO FUCKING PROCESS. 🗣️🗣️

[JonathanSamuelReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

If anyone needs me I’ll be in the fetal position till part 2

[m&gs · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 (? maybe)

jessie walker you need a fucking editor. there's no reason why p1 should be nearly 1k pgs not to mention that it's almost entirely their backstory since it spans their years from 6-22. i get that we need to know their history but it did not need to be thaaaat detailed nor long and how it was written...if my eyes will actually skip to a few paragraphs and it's still on the same topic then it needs to be cut down and this happened consistently. don't get me wrong i liked their origins and to see how all those friendships were formed but it did not need to be like this and izzy doesn't even come back in this book? it's mentioned she's back in the prologue but that's it.

okay moving on...

see i liked this miscommunication here bc it made sense. mason has suppressed his sexuality his entire life meanwhile jeremy been in love with mason for well most of his life and they formed a very reliant and unhealthy relationship because of izzy’s disappearance.

didn’t feel like it was forced the way way and will’s was buuut i think aspects of it were dragged out. the amount of times jeremy said or implied no one saw him as his own self and mason never viewed outside of an izzy stand in was a lot. we got when they were kids, after the disappearance, and now in the current storyline. authors really need to realise that their readers aren’t stupid, we can understand the first few times something is said and the problem is it is usually just said and not shown. sure when izzy disappeared i got it and obviously jeremy’s just own insecurities and thoughts play into it but bc we get more of masons in the second half it just felt…weak?

really liked how we got more of mason and ways relationship here esp the codependency parts and jeremy’s role with them bc we obviously didn’t get much of that before. and also seeing people’s outside perspectives of way ☹️ just a very sad and angry boy all his life. reading about how happy he and will were later on was aaah.

that part when jeremy came out to way 😭 and he hugged him immediately was sooo…probably one of the very few moments in ways life at that time where he was somewhat happy. ☹️🫂and then later on way talking to jeremy abt why it was hard to come to terms with his own sexuality esp seeing how jeremy was treated and how awful ways dad was.

mason and waylon both being jealous of will and jeremy meanwhile those two are just getting shitfaced….oh stupid bisexuals we love yooou. wish we got to see more of their friendship but hopefully we’ll see more of that in p2. also mason being like people are noticing our tension bc i called him by his sisters name well yea but that’s not it 😭 even jeremy’s mother knew, mason just kinda dumb. him never connecting the dots for waywill was soooo can’t say his gaydar was failing him bc he never realised he was in love with jeremy his entire life, how’d he be able to notice this? also shawn finding out abt waywill and telling mason not to use jeremy as a replacement in the same night, yea id be tired of everything too.

anyways. didn’t hate this, actually really liked the prologue and last 30% but it’s 900pgs+ so . even though i did like their backstory it largely felt unnecessary and could’ve mostly been said via flashbacks, hoping p2 comes out soon bc that’ll be putting them through everything and’ll probably be messy. and a cutdown in inner monologues bc they continued here too, pls?

[Gloria (in a slump? idk)]

THIS IS NOT A DRILL 😭🖤

[Marilla ☘︎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Breath After - devastating and hauntingly beautiful.♾️♾️♾️✮⋆˙⋆⭒˚.⋆


First read: 10/03-25

Whenever someone asks me what my favorite book is. I always jump straight into panic mode (like most of us do, I presume). But then, when I've recovered slightly, I respond with something intelligent, usually along the lines of, "Umm? Wait, oh no, aargh!" Before finally listing off all the books I love. Everybody's good. Everything's fine. Crisis averted.

However, every once in a while, someone goes rogue and throws the dreaded "Yeah, but if you had to pick JUST ONE book, which would it be?" question in your face (because people are assholes).

Aaaand look at that, we're back to panic mode. Anyway, if and when I manage to answer the question and choose ONLY ONE book. I still do the same song and dance every time. Because there are just too many bloody amazing and beautifully written books to choose from. So my answer changes all the time.

All that cringy shit to say, ― not anymore. 'them days are history.' No more singing and dancing for me. Because it's THIS ONE. It's Every Breath After.

Every Breath After is my perfect, *would-not-change-a-god-damned-thing*, all-time favorite book. And Jeremy and Mason are my all-time favorite couple.

Oof, that kinda pained me to say. Felt a bit blasphemous even. Because I love Will and Way with my whole chest!!!

But, if it came down to it? If I had to choose? Yeaaah… it's gonna be JJ and Mase-Face.🖤

♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️✮⋆˙⋆⭒˚.⋆

Second read: 19/03-25

The 'chokehold' Jeremy and Mason, have on me and my emotions is devastating.❤️‍🩹😭

I have never re-read a book so fast...

♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️✮⋆˙⋆⭒˚.⋆

Third read: 08/11-25

I think I'm going to stick to the theme and honor what I already have going on here. And just add more cringy as fuck sentences that have absolutely nothing to do with reviewing or describing what this book is about.🙃😂 (Or at least not in the traditional sense.) But hey, if you're lucky or just really good at reading between the lines, you might catch something anyway.

First, I need to say it again: Every Breath After MEANS THE FUCKING WORLD TO ME.🤎🩵
I'm so locked in!!! on everything. Every breath, every character, every emotion, every word spoken, and every word left unsaid. Every detail, every moment ━ I can do this all day. (iykyk🦸‍♂)
Sorry, that was a little intense and a tad bit dramatic. But true nonetheless. I love Jeremy & Mason. I love these people ━ THIS FAMILY a stupid amount. And I relate to them in so many ways. Jeremy, especially.

(Seriously though, this is actually one of those times I genuinely wish I was able to take the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart and BARE MY SOUL to write a review to do this story justice. Hell, I'd settle for being able to write 'a review,' period. Sadly, every time I try to translate what's in my head to paper, or out loud for that matter. Something (I'm being generous) gets lost in translation. So I revert back to 'WHATEVER THIS IS' every time. But just so you know, I think you would be a little impressed if you could see the inside of my head. The review I have in there is pretty insightful and deep. It's flawless, really.😂 And I think that should count for something. And I also think it's worth mentioning because (as you've no doubt already deduced) you won't be getting any of that here.🙈😂

Anyway, back to my regularly scheduled nonsense:
I have never annotated a book before, but I wanted to do it with my favorite one EVER. Aka ━ this book. And let me tell you, I did the damn thing. I annotated the heck out of it. Kinda nailed it, to be honest. If I do say so myself. #SLAYED.💅🏻💃


  … That was a lie. I butchered my poor babyyy. Fucked it up real bad actually. Lucky for me, I have multiple copies. Because I'm an adult, and I'm responsible like that.🤭 Anyway, the good news is the story itself was the same and as spectacular as before. If not, even better. Which is wild, because it was perfect to begin with.⋆⭒˚.⋆

Now, back to the annotating disaster. Even though I mucked it up, it also made me slow down. It gave me even more time to take in the significance of my favorite moments (which is basically the whole book, so this took me a hot minute), and it gave me even more time with my favorite characters ━ who aren't just characters, but real people to me.♥︎ And while I don't foresee annotating becoming a regular hobby of mine, I appreciate what it gave to my reading experience this time around.

More nonsense:
I randomly stumbled across a musician called Jamie Miller recently (his songs don't really fit the vibe of the playlists in these books tbh). Nevertheless, while I listened to his song "in the cards" I immediately thought about EBA. About Jeremy. This song is sooo Jeremy-POV coded to me.

My plan was to hold off and wait to do another reread right before part two came out. But when I heard this song, I felt so homesick for Every Breath After. (Can you feel homesick over a book??) Anyhoo, I didn't wait. And I have ZERO regrets! I'll happily do yet another reread before EBA2 comes out. Maybe even multiple rereads. Because, like I said earlier, this is THE ONE.📌

In case you were curious, here are all the Jeremy-POV coded songs I listened to by this dude. (if you even made it this far😂😂)

"in the cards"
"empty room" (Izzy😭)
"maybe next time"

(LIKE, COME ON!! don't tell me you can't see it?!?)

Not nonsense:
I love that music is such a big part of these stories, and that it's a big part of what makes these characters who they are. ♪♫♪

That's it. I'm done now.
Until next time.✌🏻
♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️♾️✮⋆˙⋆⭒˚.⋆

[safeya ༒︎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

♾️/5 ⭐️
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????????
WHAT THE HELL. I NEEEEEEED THE SECOND BOOK. NOW.
I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS IM GONNA EXPLODE.

3 months later:
okay so i’m back i was recovering and picking up the broken pieces of my shattered heart 🥲

spoiler free review!!

no words can describe how much i love this book and how much i adore jer and mase my babies ❤️‍🩹

i relate to jeremy sm it felt like i was reading abt myself, he expressed his anxiety disorder in a perfect manner i felt truly understood.

and i love mason sm he’s such a sweetheart i’m a complete puddle for him 💗

update: i read this 4 months ago and i still think about it everyday it ruined me in the best way possible and i’m ITCHING and BURNING with anticipation for part 2.
send help 😭💔

[Noelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hundreds of pages of pure pain.

Full RTC... when I can breathe again.

*Apparently I needed two weeks to write this review and it still doesn’t feel like it’s a good enough review to do this book justice.

Just when I thought I wouldn’t be more obsessed with this universe, Jessie Walker proves me wrong. I don’t know why I’m surprised, this was my most anticipated read of the year. Jeremy and Mason have been on my mind since I knew they were happening.
This book was everything I needed and more. I won’t lie though, I was expecting pain but not THIS much pain. I would say I cried for over 90% of the book. And when I wasn’t crying, my heart was still aching.

Jeremy and Mason’s story is not your typical romance, and to some, it might not even feel like a romance at all.
This book was the true definition of angst and the burn was slower than slow. (And we still have a long way to go 😩)
Jeremy broke my heart over and over. Just being inside his head was so painful but I am so glad to know more of his story now. As someone who has dealt with social anxiety since I was a kid, I could easily relate to Jeremy in a lot of ways. For pretty much the entire book, I wanted to hug him. I feel like he really grew as a character though and I can’t wait to see him grow even more in part two but also, I just need him to be happy. At this point, it’s detrimental to my own mental health 😅. (I’m so invested in these characters, it’s not even funny.)

As for Mason, sweet, sweet, infuriating Mason. I love him so much. And really, there’s not a ton I can say about him without spoiling anything other than just PLEASE give him a chance. For a good majority of this book, they’re just kids/teenagers. No one is perfect as an adult but even more so, no one is perfect as a kid either. That being said, I'm really looking forward to more character growth from Mason in part two as well.

Some happy parts from this book; I loved seeing the Will and Way snippets. And I really loved getting to know a tiny bit more about Shawn. I’m really dying to know everything about him. Honestly, I’m just so attached to every character in this universe, I don’t know what I’ll do when it comes to an end.

All and all, I loved this book so much, definitely a top read of the year, if not number one (but I feel like part two will be number one). The crying was cathartic, and the multiple crygraines I got from said crying were worth it because this was such a beautiful read. Jessie's way with words/storytelling will always continue to blow my mind. And even though this book broke my heart, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is very dim right now after that ending. Still, I’ll literally be counting down the days until part two.

[Maisha Farzana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Right now? I'm nothing but a weeping mess...

So, I just tore through "Every Breath After," this mammoth of a book that clocks in at 977 pages. Yeah, it's a beast, but let me tell you, I couldn't put it down for a second. Finished the whole thing in a day—talk about being hooked! This emotional rollercoaster of a book took me on a journey that left my heart both shattered and whole.


"If not for me, for him.
Always for him.
Because I might not be a hero like him, but he is and always has been my kryptonite"


The best part of this book was its fantastic and memorable characterization. Mason and Jemery quickly found a place in my heart. Their individual struggles and the complexities of their relationship kept me turning the pages, eager to uncover each twist and turn. Jemery, in particular, stole my heart with his depth and vulnerability—I felt an instant connection and found myself rooting for him wholeheartedly. I would legit do anything for him. No one can hurt my baby Jemery!!!


"I’m not Jeremy the Coward anymore.
I’m Jeremy the Wicked.
And if hope shall be my downfall…
Then fall I will"


Throughout the book, my emotions were in constant flux, ranging from heartache to joy and everything in between. There were moments that brought tears to my eyes as I empathized with the characters' pain and suffering. Yet, amidst the anguish, there were also moments of profound beauty and hope that left a lasting impression on me.


"I wished he was mine.
All mine, and only mine.
For years.
On shooting stars.
On birthday candles.
Then one day, my wish was granted.
And I’ve been wishing every second since, on every breath, that I could take it back."


The writing itself is a masterpiece, imbued with poignancy and soul-touching depth. Each word felt carefully chosen, weaving a narrative that lingered in my mind long after I turned the final page. The author's ability to evoke such raw emotion is nothing short of remarkable, making "Every Breath After" a truly unforgettable read.


"When we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind"


I can't wait for the second part to come out, I need it sooo bad

I don’t want to lose him…
But I know I can’t keep him. Not now, not like this. I’ve kept him for long enough. And this boy deserves to fly free—to scream from hilltops haloed under lemon-yellow suns, his demons slain and scattered beneath his feet.
King Jeremy the Wicked, finally ruling his world.
And maybe, just maybe, one day he’ll let me be part of it once more…

[Tiffaney]

Mason and Jeremy 🥺🥹

[Amina · Rating 3 out of 5]

✰ 3.25 stars ✰

“... memories —more familiar scenes—all rushing forth and closing in on me at once. His throat bobs with a swallow, and I wonder if he can see it on my face —our past playing out like a movie.

Can he feel the gravity of it all, pulling us down?”

Every Breath After: Part 1 serves as the origin story for the Lost Boys that gives us a very in-depth look into how friendships were formed, relationships forged, and a future set in motion that no one was prepared for, but had to live through. It sheds light on who Mason and Jeremy were before there was even a Will and Way that never got to see the stars, for how much darkness kept them from the light. It is the much-needed glimpse into Mason's perspective, that, ultimately, served as the most vital one to tie all the missing pieces together - to somehow, explain whatever happened was not without reason.

“He is the void.
Him.
Jeremy.
He’s what’s been missing all along…
What I’ve been chasing.
Right in front of my fucking face.”

Mason - getting inside his head was both traumatic and heartbreaking, and yet cathartic. What he went through is one of the most intense examples of how guilt and grief clash to create one of the most raw and visceral ways in which one hurts oneself to not feel any more pain over the burden of carrying such a fierce shame. Seeing him fall and break - seeing him put himself back together - seeing him work through his demons- fighting an addiction that consumes his entire being that blinded him from breathing the chances and opportunities shown to him - it was captured so intensely that you end up feeling everything. 😥 'A world without him in it… Is no world I want to live in.' There were moments where I felt so frustrated at how he treated Jeremy; but, at the same time, seeing the moments where you were so protective, so honest, so willing to listen and look, made me see that underneath that broken soul lived the beating heart of someone who would climb his way back to the top.

“Perhaps the universe did me a favor not aligning our stars.
To be loved by Mason Wyatt would surely be a death sentence. The weight of it would crush me.”

Jeremy - you are the epitome of unrequited love of the worst possible circumstances ever - longing for something so within reach, but can't touch, because of how fate has conspired against you. My heart hurt for you to no end - a beautiful sweet and precious boy who never had the chance to be seen for all that he was - overshadowed by someone that promised so much more than what he had to offer. From how poorly you were treated since your childhood, and no one cared enough to help you through it, but to be stuck in the position that you were - relentless in your torment of breaking your heart in the pursuit for the one that you loved - it was agony. 🥺 It is both the bravest and saddest burden to carry to hope for something you can never have. He deserves only the very best - to be loved and treasured, not always relegated as second-best. The days without Mason - I wished that you would find a new happiness, one free of holding on; but first loves are the hardest to get over. 'If not for me, for him. Always for him. Because I might not be a hero like him, but he is and always has been my kryptonite.' Yet for every desire to forget that love, the need to protect that love overpowered it - to have that one chance to claim it as your own. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

“You mean everything to me, and that’s the problem.”

The best way to describe Mason and Jeremy's relationship would be complicated. Complicated and unfair at how fate has played its hand against two best friends, where there never seemed remotely a favorable opening so that the course of their friendship could become something else entirely. Like two lines forever running parallel alongside one another, destined for each other, but never quite having their paths cross. 😢 As a spectator who knows the truths that are yet to be spoken, it hurts seeing that tug of war of emotions - that war of feelings that rages inside both of them, which prevents them from moving in any direction that could somehow place them on the same path. Wishing for something else and not being able to act upon it. 💔💔

It's what makes their story such a tragic one - so much of what happened was not in their control. You really can't control how you feel and you really can't trust whether what you feel will be accepted. It is also a very strong example of how it is not the destination, it is the journey that we take to get where we are that will be remembered and the one that matters. That while it aches with every fiber of our being to see the ones we love - hurting so hard for someone you also love - nothing could be more soul-crushing for the heart than that. 😟 And their relationship defined that in spades. From the early years, to their teens, to the tormented years of what drew them steadily apart, it was a cataclysm of epic pain worsened at how it is not entirely either of their fault, but somehow, they paid the price of it.

“Hope. It’s a vicious fucking thing.
Like love—like death—all it does is take and take and take.
We’re put on this earth for no other purpose than to be ravaged.”

Despite its daunting length, it was very easy to read. 👍🏻 Every writer has their own signature style that defines their works, so I did not mind as much the inner monologues and the way in which JW relied on expressing each thought and emotion in every iteration available. As someone who writes just as lengthy reviews as compared to others - because I want to cover every part of how it made me feel - those repeated phrases heightened each level of feeling to make it as angsty and heart-wrenching as possible. 💔💔 I I don't think it was as prevalent in the earlier books, but it was a bit too noticeable this time around; considering how in-depth we went into their past - it would have been nicer if it had been toned down. However, if I were to make one legitimate complaint, it would have to be the number of times I was reminded of Mason's pale blue eyes and ash brown hair; knowing that it was something that it holds special meaning for the author makes me feel worse for bringing it up, but it became too much of a noticeable thing that I would be remiss not to mention it. 😔

My own personal reasons for not enjoying it as much as I had anticipated was perhaps, my expectation of what it was actually going to be. I had another initial idea in my head of what the next step of their story would evolve from, rather than what it actually turned out to be. It's not that I don't mind what it actually was, I just feel like the reasoning behind whatever led them to where they are now - (that it's always been you - destined soulmates) was the safer bet of rationalizing how all that either of them experienced till this point, was not all for naught. 🙁

That all that pain and torment of unrequited affection had a different meaning behind it, which while even more gut-wrenching, because when you think about it - had things turned out differently - maybe their stars could have aligned much sooner. 😔 I just felt numb and confused at why there was the need for so much drama that you have to KNOW all the sides of the story to make an opinion. I'm really ashamed that it didn't work for me because childhood friends to lovers is my favorite trope - I live and breathe it. All the tension - the obstacles that were stacked against them - the growth of their characters finally having their moment - it should have been an easy win for me, but...

“Izzy, Izzy, Izzy.
Fuck, I was furious with her.

“Forgive me,” Jeremy whispers, and I know without a doubt, his words aren’t for me…
But for the girl, who in a sense, has always been between us.”

Izzy - knowing her story and her struggles about what she went through, it feels so wrong to say how annoying her presence was before she was taken and even afterwards when the memory of her ghost lingered like a stain that could never be erased. 😒 Considering the prologue literally is about her eventual return, I don't know how it will be possible that she won't be given enough screen time in Part 2, unless she has to go to immediate therapy or she is forcibly kept away from them; my biggest fear, is how so easily she will accept them being together. 😕

Aside from the fact that we know where her feelings now lie, I didn't like how heavily it was emphasized that Jeremy and Mason were leaving all these letters and text messages for her - that I fear that she will eventually find or they'll have her hear/read, thus, making it more convenient for her to accept. If you take into account the memories she had of Mason from LBL, I never got the sense that she ever sensed something between them before - or for the sake of mystery it was kept unsaid to keep the reveals more of a secret. 🤷🏻‍♀️

“This is just the first time it’s really fucking hitting me, that he’s not just beautiful…
But that I find him beautiful.”

See, this review is just me voicing my inner thoughts and fears, which, I guess clouded my overall enjoyment of their romance. Lost Boys holds a very special place in my heart as it was one of the first books I read when I started reading MM books. I am sorry for how critical I was of this, seeing how everyone has loved it; I don't know, maybe I just read into it differently. And funnily enough, I did not find the cliffhanger annoying at all! 😯 I actually thought literally all bases have to be covered with these two, so that Mason knows that Jeremy has the capability of moving on from him, so that he can finally fight for him. It's not enough just to think, but to act on it, too. 🥺

Granted, I'm still wary of how it will be handled, but I'll just have to have faith. These personal grievances are at a war in my own head, trying to explain to me what was missing from this, for me to really believe in it. Perhaps knowing that they are destined for each other, makes watching all the trials that it takes for them to get there difficult to get through. Or maybe, I'm just not cut out for handling all this drawn-out angst as I once thought I was. 😣 I do look forward to being proven otherwise; otherwise, well, maybe, it will be handled better than I could to make their happily ever after truly deserving and rewarding for me. 🙏🏻

[Tare · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review is probably going to be so chaotic but, short of writing a full-on dissertation, this is the best that I can do for now.

This book is my Roman Empire. If you know anything about me you know that I love friends to lovers. Possibly my favorite trope ever but it has to be done well and more often than not it isn’t. This book. These two. They are the definition of childhood friends to lovers done immaculately. I could ramble forever about the nuances of their friendship over the years (and yes thank you Jessie for giving us alllll the backstory - all 17 years of it).

Because this is not the first in the series we have seen glimpses of Jeremy & Mason’s relationship through 3 novels and two novellas previously. I knew they were friends and that Mason was protective of Jeremy. I knew that Jeremy had feelings for Mason, his dead sister’s boyfriend but obviously we were missing a lot of context. So I was nervous going into this book to see exactly what has taken place between these two in the past to get them to the point they are at currently in the series.

What I didn’t anticipate was the depth of love these two had from the very beginning. They are the best of friends and have been since they were 6. And it wasn’t just because of their shared connection to Izzy. They had a solid connection all on their own, shared interests, and just this special bond where they could be vulnerable with one another. I loved getting glimpses of them through the years and seeing Mason choosing to spend time away from Izzy and Way to be alone with Jeremy. They are both each other’s comfort person, they lean on each other to the point of being unhealthy (hello codependency). They are protective of one another, they want the other to be happy to the point of hurting themselves to provide that.

This was clearly not an easy read - the amount of pain is highhh but it all felt necessary. I won’t go into too much detail but just know that nothing is black and white - just like real life. People are messy and complicated, this situation in particular for both of these characters is messy, complicated and raw. It is not easy but it’s their reality. Since this starts with them as children they both go through so much character development, growing up, maturing and also becoming better versions of themselves.

Jeremy is probably one of my favorite characters of all time and he deserves the entire world. He deserves someone who is willing to burn the world down for him and him alone. He deserves to be seen and worshiped and made to feel loved and cherished every day of his life (I can’t wait to see Mason give him this). He had a rough go and my heart broke so many times for him. Again - stopping myself from going into a full on essay on Jeremy here. I was so happy to see him stand up for himself in that last 20% and put himself first. His healing, his grief, him moving on and prioritizing his mental health. Go little rockstar 👊

“King Jeremy the Wicked, finally ruling his world.”

I also really love the way Jessie handled Mason & Izzy’s relationship. It was done perfectly. The realizations Mason makes and the timing of certain things all make so much sense and it is now painfully obvious who the true love of his life is. His letter to Izzy near the end 😭

Some other things I loved and want to scream about:
- The nostalgic feelings this book gave me as a Millenial. Soooooo good.
- The prom scene - ugly crying okay?! 🥺🥺
- Phoebe - oh how I love this girl and I love how much Mason loves her
- Shawn - I have been so intrigued by him and getting more backstory was awesome
- Jeremy being peak Pisces (CD labeled “Sad Shit #3” lmao I literally couldn’t relate more)
- The parents here - while none are perfect they love their children fiercely. Jessie made me bawl when Mason’s mom was comforting him as a small child and he was mad at her for his dad leaving and she was just saying “I can take it” OOOOFF

This was slow burn at it’s most painful. You won’t get any smut. You won’t be getting any resolutions or HFN. It ends on a cliffhanger. But it was so beautiful and it was necessary to see how these boys came to be where they are at. I can’t wait to see where Jessie takes us in Part 2. I have some theories and things I want to see but I trust her to give us exactly what their story needs and for them to get their HEA.

Lastly: I know this book is long but I am BEGGING for another 1,000 page book for 🙏🙏

“He is the void. Him. Jeremy. He’s what’s been missing all along… What I’ve been chasing. Right in front of my fucking face.”

[manu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Breath After has permanently seared itself into my heart. When I say it changed how I see love. I mean it. Anyone who I love in real life is now going to receive tenfold of it from me. Also spoilers ahead and apologies, for my long winded review.

Everything started with Will and Way. Their story hurt so good, you couldn’t dare to pry your eyes away from the page not even for a second. Then you get thrown over a cliff when you read what Izzy has been going through. And now, after finally getting some semblance of air into your lungs, you’re sucker punched and all the air whooshes out when you see the devastating state Mason and Jeremy are in.

These books are everything. I will never be able to read anything else within the same genre and not compare it to the Shiloverse.

And the only reason I’m not heaving up my stomach after crying is because of the author note Jessie left us:

“The Mason who was gonna end up with Izzy doesn’t exist. There is only this one. And there is absolutely no timeline or universe in which this version ends up with anyone other than Jeremy. It’s not even a choice. It just is.”

That alone gives me enough comfort to wait (impatiently) for part two. Now read these quotes and try telling me you don’t feel every emotion from it, I dare you.

The last thing I see before the door closes behind him is his red backpack and the name stitched across the pocket. And all I can think is… I found you. [Jeremy the Wicked - from the Pearl Jam song]
…
‘Tell Jeremy, don’t speak in class.’”
…
Don’t speak in class.
…
He could never love me in the way I crave so desperately… not in this timeline. Not in this universe. Our stars are only ever meant to exist from opposite sides of the sun burning brightly forever between us.
…
“What’s your dream then?” You. You’re my dream.
…
Because I might not be a hero like him, but he is and always has been my kryptonite.
…
“And then someday, there will be this guy, and he’s gonna come along and-and push all the right buttons. You’re gonna fight it. Be stubborn as always. But fuck, he’s gonna fall so hard. And you’re gonna fall so hard right back, because… because he won’t give up. He’ll never rest until you let him in.” —(Side note their story better end with them swaying all grown up, when they finally get their chance - and mason telling him while they slow dance that he is and has always been his number one - OH AND the scene should be under the stars - because this would just make my gay heart so happy)
…
In his arms, I’m a stand-in for someone else. In mine, he’s everything I’ve always wanted.
…
“She’s the love of my life.” Yeah, well, you’re mine, Mason. So fuck us both I guess.
…
“They’re her eyes.”
…
I know today sucks. But this is your day too, always has been, and always will be. And for that, I still love today. Because it means you exist.
…
Perhaps the universe did me a favor not aligning our stars. To be loved by Mason Wyatt would surely be a death sentence.
…
I wished he was mine. All mine, and only mine. For years. On shooting stars. On birthday candles. Then one day, my wish was granted. And I’ve been wishing every second since, on every breath, that I could take it back.
…
A world without him in it… Is no world I want to live in.
…
“You’ve been my best friend since the second you stepped in front of Clay and his friends, like a superhero from my comics come to life, right off the pages. For years, you were my only friend. And—” He quickly cuts himself off, shaking his head and dropping his gaze. Wetting his lips, he says shakily, “It hurts. It hurts so fucking much, loving you, and knowing I can never have you.”
…
this is it—this is what it truly is like to kiss Jeremy Montgomery, my shy, stubborn boy with his fiercely protected heart; the boy who gave me back the stars… the angels… The boy who held me even when it was likely killing him… The boy who just ripped himself open for me.




_______________________________________________
✋ don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t even breathe near me. I’m not okay. That ending… not okay. I need 5 business days before I can even begin to go over how I feel enough to write a review. I’m so hurt, it feels like I am just under water - holding my breath longer than I know I can.

[Youssra (semi ia)]

I know this book will tear me apart but I will welcome it with open arms AS SOON AS BOOK 2 DROPS

[Cyndi (hiatus) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm gonna need a second or two...

[Anja · Rating 5 out of 5]

My eyes fall shut for a beat, and then I lift them, bracing myself as I stare into the eyes of the boy who merely breathes and breaks my heart.

Fuck. me. This book is a beast. And just like a beast it devoured me whole. For the past few days I've been living and breathing for Every Breath After and for Mason and Jeremy...especially Jeremy, whom I love with the entirety of my bleeding heart. I haven't been this consumed by a book since reading "Wrath" by Ellis James at the beginning of this year. And somehow this book even surpassed that.

Jessie Walker has a way to make her characters feel so real, so fleshed out and raw they consume you. I was Jeremy...I was Mason...feeling the pain, the heartache, the utter devastation, but also moments filled with hope, with longing, with the love these characters undoubtedly share for each other. For three days straight I was reading with a knot in my stomach, feeling the angst up to my fingertips and goosebumps on my arms, it was that intense of a read. The writing raw and beautiful.

I fell so hard for Jeremy. His soul is so sweet, so pure, I feel my heart squeezing in my chest just thinking about him. Feeling worthless and like a burden to the people around him...the amount of pain he goes through, from being bullied when he was little, to being in love with his best friend and his sister's boyfriend...to losing said sister when she goes missing. And yet he's this sweet, shy, stubborn boy. His development in this book is insane, and it's a beautiful thing to watch it unfold. This is not a typical romance story. This is so much more.

The burn is slooow, but it felt so right. Every page of this almost 1000 pages novel was perfection. Reading about them as children, growing up together, becoming best friends, falling in love. I guess some people might be worried that Mason was suffering for so long, because he loved Izzy so much, that they won't find it believable when he eventually ends up with Jeremy. But reading this story, it's impossible to deny that Mason has always been obsessed with Jeremy. There has always been something there, even if he couldn't see it. It's impossible to deny that these two are meant to end up together. They're endgame.

I don't know what more to say, except that I feel like this book has changed me on some deep level. Thank you to the author for creating these characters and for making me live a hundred lives in three days. I feel consumed and I don't know what to do until the sequel releases. I guess I'll be listening to their playlist over and over again.

[Em’sBookNook · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ugh. I’m not gonna lie, I actually do regret reading this before book 2 is in sight 😅 that was some fresh hellish torture.

The book’s incredibly well written and I was totally hooked despite that fact this is a behemoth of a tome at 977 pages. (Do I think it could have been a bit shorter? Yes, yes I do.) Surprisingly, I didn’t have the same issue with this that I did with Will/Way books where the inner monologue spanned hundreds of pages.

The thing is, I love Jeremy. But I love Jeremy so much that it’s hard to root for him and Mason because I really do want Jeremy to run for the hills and find a HEA with less baggage. That being said, if anyone can redeem Mason it’s probably Jessie Walker so we’ll see if I change my mind in the duet.

I felt like having to read from when they were age 6 plus including loads of flashbacks within those chapters made it a bit chaotic to read. I would have preferred one or the other.

The first half of the book I had to read a bit at a time because it gave me an actual stomach ache and raging anxiety but I really enjoyed the second half and I loved seeing Jeremy go build a life for himself outside of Shiloh. I also fucking adored getting to see the lost boy’s origin story.

If you want to read a book that repeatedly gut punches you, makes you cry and kicks you into a pit of depression. This is the book for you 🤧

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

**I received an arc of EBA and this is my honest review**

I… don’t have words.

This book was a journey and like I knew that going into it but I still wasn’t prepared? If that makes sense.

I went into Mason and Jeremy’s story thinking I knew where it would start up and kind of how it would go and let me just say I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT KNOW ANYTHING. Nothing. Jessie took this story and ran and while it was a painful journey I have faith that it’s all going to work out. *screaming crying throwing up* Yeah total faith.

Also that cliffhanger? Ugh. I knew it would end but LIKE THAT?! Rude. Honestly I can’t wait for book two. I need it yesterday.