To Have or to Harm: True Stories of Stalkers and Their Victims

by Linden Gross

A powerful and insightful look at the horrifying scope of obsessive love that leads to stalking--and murder. To Have or to Harm reveals the terror felt by stalking victims, shows how these deadly obsessions begin, and presents ideas on how to protect against stalkers.

Genres: Psychology, True Crime, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 1994

Reviews

[Maria Smallwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was times I wish we would have known the outcome the case. But this book shed a light on not just America’s stalking, but the issues that America has on mental health issues and the judicial system. This book was written in the early 90’s yet here we are still struggling with helping people with mental health issues .

[M · Rating 3 out of 5]

I do have a harasser, which prompted me to seek out this book. It’s a bit dated but otherwise the book has good stories and advice. I’m glad strides have been made in stalking legislation; there is probably more to go.

[George · Rating 3 out of 5]

Slightly grueling and repetitive at times. Extremely informative for its time period; if this book were remade to incorporate today’s technology its content would likely increase tenfold.

[Kayla Dixon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stories bounced back and fourth all over the place. Would habe been better if they talked about a case at a time.

[Ghynia Sawera]

I am really looking forward to start reading this ASAP because I am facing same kind of very uncomfortable situation like the one the title of this book describes

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative. Highly recommend

[Camille · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book, mostly dealing with in person issues. Most of the information didn't apply to my situation, but it's good advice nonetheless for how to rationally handle situations you may not have control over & how to protect your boundaries. Recommended reading to anyone who wants to expand their awareness & skillset for dealing with tough situations like this.

[Astrid Yrigollen · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's not really until the last two chapters do you get anything useful from this book in my opinion. The rest of the book is filled with stalking horror stories and at the end of each chapter three or four token sentences on "how to be safe" She gives advice such as stop being the nice girl next door. Whaaat? Now I read Gavin de Beckers book first and apparently this women did as well and it so impressed her she wrote her own very watered down version of it. She does give De Becker credit for basically letting her pick his brain and his case files but really I did not see any new content, or insight in this book. Read Gavin de Beckers book "The Gift of Fear" first then you will see what I mean.

[HappyGSDmama · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an interesting read, it did have some repetition in it that was cleared up at the last chapter. There were a couple times it got muddled with what it was recommending as far as handling the stalker that I would have re-organized a bit, and of course you take into account how old the book is and some of the effectiveness of the tools included. Overall it was very helpful and useful book. She heavily consulted Gavin DeBecker who is a highly regarded and gifted threat/danger evaluation expert, so those parts were spectacular (just as his books are!)

[Sara Osburn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A decent providing examples and resources for victims of stalkers and angry ex-lovers. Could use some updating on its sources and resources.