The World According to Joan

by Joan Collins

Witty, clever and beautiful, Joan Collins possesses a star quality that has come to define what it means to be a living legend. In this book, she shares her life experiences with humour and wisdom. From manners to men via fashion and family, to ageing and marriage, she takes on subjects close to every woman's heart.

Genres: Biography Memoir, Nonfiction

214 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Joan Henrietta Collins, OBE is a Golden Globe Award-winning English actress and bestselling author.

Reviews

[Daniel Garwood · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a gift. I have to confess to being a fan of Joan Collins back in the 80s when she starred in Dynasty. Despite a prolific film career prior to this, it wasn’t until her 1983 Golden Globe for her role as Alexis that she won an award of any note. ‘The World According to Joan’ is littered with name-dropping and banal anecdotes, desperately informing us that she was in fact working in the 50s, 60s and 70s and that she was a star.

Joan Collins is a star. She is iconic. But she was never going to win an Academy Award for her acting skills. In the book, she comes across as a hard-working, confident, sometimes arrogant woman from a privileged background. She shares her views on fame, children, glamour, travel, men, manners, ageing, food and values. There’s nothing here you won’t have heard before. It’s a string of well-put-together tabloid soundbites.

If you’re a huge fan of Joan Collins, I’m sure it’s worth reading. If you’re hoping for something original and inspiring, this book is probably not for you.

[Paola · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really like Joan Collins and find myself agreeing with a lot of her views, but this book is like one long magazine article stretched over way too many pages and no real structure. Under headings such as 'On Glamour', 'On Men' and so on, what we get is just an endless stream of consciousness mixed with mildly amusing anecdotes from her past and some good old ranting. I read one of Collins' autobiographies years ago and it was much more interesting.

[Gary · Rating 5 out of 5]

The incomparable Ms Collins tells it like it is and puts the world straight on a few things. This is a book to cherish. Joan's potted history of England in her chapter "On Manners" should be part of the National Curriculum.

[Tamera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joan imparts well spoken words of wisdom on various aspects of life in this book. Most of it, I agree with.
This book is also full of tips on healthy living and glamour and as a fan of Joan, it delights me that we are so similar in mindsets and opinions on many things. Only those who get offended because they may be on the receiving end of her very truthful (albeit often brutal and blunt) opinions leave negative comments by saying she is too judgemental.
Joan only voices what a huge portion of the population believe but are too scared to say aloud.
If you want to be a slob of any sort in life, don’t get offended if people see you as a slob!
This book is wonderful for bettering oneself and I am so pleased to have read it and am grateful for the advice Joan so openly shares with her fans. She is a woman whom I admire greatly.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love Joan Collins, you will likely enjoy this book. It is just her thoughts on numerous subjects such as fashion, food, parenting, manners, relationships. As always, Joan Collins shares exactly what she thinks without concern for diplomacy. If you are easily offended by candour, this might not be the book for you. I personally think she is hilarious and great fun and found myself agreeing with quite a bit. Fast and amusing read!

[Negin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember reading a few Joan Collins books, or maybe they were books about her, back in the ‘80s. They were the perfect escape-type beach read. She’s still so much fun. I was surprised to find myself agreeing with her on many things, even though so many years have passed, and I have changed completely. I’ve always felt a loving connection to her, since she was in “Island in the Sun,” that was filmed here in Grenada, back in the late 50's. Her style tips were great reminders. Reading this was a blast!



Here are some of my favorite quotes. One of my personal favorites, not in the book, is about the huge age difference between her and her husband. Her response, 'If he dies, he dies!'



British Courtesy
“Chivalry is dead, manners have been thrown out of the window and politeness is an arcane word that our ancestors used to describe a code of behaviour that has long since disappeared. What makes me despair about this development is that it is happening in Britain, erstwhile land of the faultlessly polite English gentleman. The extinction of this worldwide paragon truly hurts the great sense of patriotism and love I have for my country. Instead, we British have begun to embrace boorishness and vulgarity as our national emblem. Gone is the gentleman, welcome the absent father; gone is the English cut, welcome the builder’s crack; gone is the dandy, welcome the football hooligan.”

Churchill
“I think it is a tremendous tragedy that we have sunk so low in such a relatively short space of time. But then I actually read an article in a left-wing paper the other day that said it was wrong to give Winston Churchill so much credit for helping us win the war. Dear God. When I was a schoolgirl, Winston Churchill was the greatest hero this country had ever produced. And President Obama’s decision to remove the Winston Churchill bust from the White House as penance for the persecution of his greatgrandfather (never mind that we had abolished slavery and fiercely policed the waves of Britannia in search of American slave traders long before their Civil War) was a churlish act. The bust is now in the British Ambassador’s residence.”

Dressing Down
“Nowadays it seems everyone imitates famous role models who dress down rather than up, or the unattainably thin and unhealthily anorexic models. And don’t get me started on piercings and tattoos – imagine what those will look like the older you become.
This so-called ‘natural’ look is just an excuse to be lazy and undisciplined. It is not understated – because understated can also be extremely glamorous.
I remember the first time I met Grace Kelly – it was when she was already the Princess of Monaco. She was one of the most glamorous, yet understated, women I’ve ever met. She was sitting by the swimming pool at David Niven’s house in Cap Ferrat. Her immaculate blond hair was shining, yet in a classically subdued style. She wore a pale blue cashmere twin set, a pleated grey skirt and a string of pearls. She was simply yet elegantly dressed and confident about herself.”

Every Day is a Mini-Lifetime
“I try to live each day to the utmost with passion. I want every day to be a mini-lifetime, in which I achieve something and enjoy some thing. I try to step back sometimes and appreciate the smaller things in life that can add up to a wonderful whole. When I wake up and stretch, I feel how my whole body responds and enjoys the flexing and use of all those muscles. Then I smell the coffee – it’s a great smell. I laugh at a cartoon in my daily paper or relish that first bite of toast and jam.
I make time for fun, and it’s not all wining, dining and jetsetting: a game of poker or Scrabble, a night out at the movies or dinner with friends. But I instigate it and am not one of those who waits to be asked. Thomas Jefferson said: ‘I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have’ and George Bernard Shaw added, ‘The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.’ These are maxims I live by.”



Hilarious Comeback
“I’ve been known to be quite snippy with these kinds of rich men. When dancing with the young millionaire Arthur Loew, Jr at a Hollywood party, my mind was elsewhere and I wasn’t hanging onto his every word. He suddenly snapped, ‘You are a f****** bore.’ To which I replied demurely, ‘And you are a boring f***’. which actually holds true for many rich men, so I’ve heard.”

Humility and Age
“… the older I get the more I realize how little I really know, when in the arrogance of my youth I thought I knew everything.”

Nuclear Family
“I’m totally on the side of family life. I was lucky enough to grow up in a loving household and, although I have been divorced, it never would have occurred to me to have any of my three children out of wedlock. I’m becoming more and more convinced that the disintegration of the nuclear family mirrors the disintegration of our society.”

Pretty-Boys and Metrosexuals
“Scientists have come to an unusual conclusion about the phenomenon of today’s ‘pretty-boy’ actors compared with the he-men of yesteryear. It seems that as the nation’s health improves, women’s tastes in the men they fancy softens. When health is poor and times are tough, women go for rugged, tough-looking types, who they expect will give them strong babies. Hence, during the Depression and the war, they flocked to see Douglas Fairbanks, Victor Mature, Humphrey Bogart, Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas and Mr Über-Macho, John Wayne. But when a nation’s health improves, and life-expectancy rises, women become attracted to more feminine-looking men, who appear to have gentler natures. One poll that interviewed 5,000 women had Zac Efron beat Sean Connery by a long shot. Today’s women it seems prefer more cutesy-looking movie stars such as Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, stars of those Twilight vampire movies, and now seventeen-year-old Justin Bieber, all of whom are mobbed whenever they appear in public.”

“Today’s slightly metrosexual-looking actors don’t compare with the stars of yesteryear. Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio and Jude Law are all wonderful actors, but they are chameleon-like when it comes to their place on the masculinity meter. As for the exceptions, well, there’s George Clooney, and then there’s George Clooney and, oh, yes, don’t forget George Clooney. But I’m afraid that’s about it on the macho front, although Bradley Cooper in The Hangover movies and Robert Downey Jr are also great.”

Self-Esteem Craze and Personal Responsibility
“Feel-good, politically correct teachings risk creating a generation of kids with no concept of reality and can set them up for failure in the real world. Life is not fair – get used to it! In the real world, people expect results before handing out praise and they certainly don’t give a fig about your self-esteem. You don’t get jobs or promotions – you earn them. If you don’t pay your bills, you go bankrupt; if you don’t pay your mortgage, you lose your house; if you don’t pay your taxes, you go to jail. A modicum of fear is necessary. And so is a modicum of challenge: the fad for telling kids how wonderful they are all the time poses the risk that they’ll just drift through life not bothering to better themselves or work hard.”

Tattoos and Piercings
“As for tattoos or piercing anywhere (except for the earlobes) leave them for the bikers and shaven headed yobbos, as there is nothing more unglamorous.”

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’re a fan you’ll like this book. It’s full of Joan’s bossy pronouncements and has lots of name dropping. I doubt I’ll ever go to St Tropez, but I feel reading this book has broadened my horizons a bit. It’s a frivolous read in places and then in others it seems quite political, with Joan outlining how English society can be improved.
I grew up watching Joan Collins as Alexis in Dynasty and thought that when I grew up I’d be just like her, or like Miss Piggy from the Muppets, a strong woman who gets what she wants while dressed in something sparkly. I’m yet to pause at the top of a staircase, immaculately dressed in a cocktail gown, while hissing at a love rival but I’m sure reading this book has brought me slightly closer.

[Alona Perlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I agree with many of Joan's viewpoints. It is an inspiring book. However, at times, some of Joan's opinions may come across as blunt and harsh to today's readers, but I know what she is trying to say.

[Jenny Cattanach · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unintentionally funny sometimes, but nicely honest and often found myself agreeing with her. Well, sometimes.

[Winter Sophia Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Entertaining, Enjoyable & Amusing!

[Kate Crews · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a surprise little gem! Perfect little holiday read or palatte cleanser between heavier reading materials.

[Mira · Rating 2 out of 5]

Enjoyed the Hollywood and Dynasty bits would have loved more on both.

[Ian Hughes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found myself nodding in agreement a lot at Joan’s views of life today. Though the numerous mentions of her rich lifestyle do get too repetitive.

[Susan Molloy · Rating 5 out of 5]

🖋️ I greatly enjoyed Joan Collins’s opinions and her smooth writing style. She has a logical head on her shoulders, and she understands the world. I like this passage: “To me, there are two kinds of people in the world: fridges and stoves. People who suck the life out of you are like fridges, making the world cold and dead, and people who enrich you are like stoves, giving off warmth and comfort.”
🏮 Kindle Unlimited.
🔲 Excerpts of note:

🔹. . . too much of today’s TV is coarse, repellent, amateurish and puerile. It has lost its true entertainment value and seems driven by reality shows that feed off people so thrilled to be on TV and becoming famous that they will humiliate themselves for the price of a train ticket. Having occasionally watched the deluded souls on Big Brother and similar reality shows, my heart goes out to these poor creatures/contestants. Their belief as they flaunt their meager talents that the all-encompassing pill called fame is going to change their sad lives is pathetic.

🔸I’ve found Americans for the most part charming, polite and extremely well mannered.

🔹Oh, beware the married man who is full of promises and whispers sweet nothings, for they are delivered with a forked tongue. It’s a no-win situation and I vowed I would never become involved with one again and I never did. Unfortunately since there is such a lack of good looking, clever, available men, too many girls still fall for the empty promises of these married guys.

🔸As for manners, it seems that Ps and Qs are just another letter of the alphabet.

🔷●▬●🔶●🔶●▬●🔷

[Marisa Ferraro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a fan. Bless Joan. Tells it like it is. A true star indeed. Well done. Love her style and witty conversation.

[Tonya Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had seen an autobiography on Miss Collins on TCM and I was fascinated with her. There are a few books about her and by her. This was a good read.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

[Linda Burnham · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ah, Dame Joan, she might have called this book, "Grumpy Old Joan", in the spirit of those TV shows featuring celebs whinging about their petty niggles. Lest I appear, however, to be anything other than a mad fan of the lady I hasten to add that she makes some very good and joyously politically incorrect points. Who among us, after-all, doesn't have deliciously un-pc views at least some of the time. Occasionally, to illustrate a point, she drops in an anecdote about A-listers she has known, which makes for some interesting reading. Jolly good fun!

[Mr Paul de Fleury]

Good read

[marta (sezon literacki) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Zawsze, ilekroć spod pióra znanej postaci, wychodzi „powieść” podchodzę do takiego dzieła z wielką rezerwą, a najczęściej w ogóle go nie ruszam. W przypadku Joan Collins byłam jednak ciekawa, jakie spojrzenie na świat ma tak charyzmatyczna kobieta, jedna z najpopularniejszych Brytyjek XX wieku.

Na wstępie trzeba zaznaczyć, że „Świat według Joan” nie jest autobiografią. To raczej zlepek luźnych myśli aktorki, jej spojrzenie na otaczającą rzeczywistość i subiektywna ocena show biznesu. Joan dotyka wybiórczych tematów, ich dobór jest subiektywny i składa się z obserwacji oraz prywatnych przemyśleń Collins. W swojej publikacji zahacza w szczególności o te zagadnienia, na których zna się jak nikt inny. Mamy więc rozdziały „O sławie”, „O szyku”, „O mężczyznach”, et cetera. Własne doświadczenia autorki poparte są jej spostrzeżeniami z życia codziennego, jest więc dobrą i uważną obserwatorką otaczającej jej rzeczywistości. Gorzej niestety u niej z wyciąganiem wniosków na podstawie tych obserwacji. Joan Collins nie mówi absolutnie nic odkrywczego, właściwie wszystko, co zawarła w swojej książce to zwykłe truizmy. Ponadto co rusz czytelnik napotyka porównania czasów obecnych z młodością Collins, głównie z latami 50, a wszystkie sprowadzają się do jednego – kiedyś było znacznie lepiej niż teraz. Jest jakaś prawda w tym, co czytamy, jednak znaczna część tych porównań jest mocno naciągana i opiera się na tym, że bez technologii, emancypacji i większej tolerancji ludzie potrafili więcej docenić.

Co jeszcze robi Joan Collins w swojej książce? Krytykuje wszystko i wszystkich dookoła, a najbardziej obrywa się osobom ze środowiska gwiazdorskiego. I znów zaczyna się narzekanie na to, jak zepsuci i płytcy są celebryci, przy jednoczesnym podkreśleniu, że sama Collins w żadnym wypadku nie zalicza się do tego grona. Wspomina swoje przewinienia (niewiele, ale jednak wspomina), rozgrzeszając się na każdym kroku. Za pomocą tej publikacji kreuje siebie na osobę skromną, ułożoną i pokorną. Problem w tym, że brak w tym wszystkim szczerości, ja tego po prostu nie kupuję.

„Świat według Joan” niestety nie ma w sobie żadnego literackiego potencjału czy polotu. Jest to jedynie zbiór rozważań autorki i próba usprawiedliwienia własnej osoby, a także kreowanie siebie na kogoś niemalże idealnego, kogo nie dotyka cały ten gwiazdorski splendor. To tylko utwierdza mnie w przekonaniu, że aktorzy powinni robić to, co potrafią najlepiej – grać, a pisanie pozostawić innym. Nie jest to zarzut – Joan Collins od ponad pół wieku istnieje w show biznesie radzi sobie świetnie - nie zamierzam temu zaprzeczać (zresztą nie mogłabym, gdyż aktorkę znam jedynie z „Dynastii”), ale to tylko kolejny dowód na to, że sławni ludzie powinni skupić się na swojej pracy, zamiast rozpaczliwie chwytać się każdej możliwej okazji zyskania rozgłosu. No chyba, że robią to w myśl zasady „nieważne jak o tobie mówią, ważne by mówili”. Właściwie jedynym plusem tej książki są pojawiające się od czasu do czasu zabawne anegdoty z życia codziennego, których aktorka doświadczyła.

Joan Collins szanuję, choć nie należę do jej wiernych fanów. Być może jest to powód, dla którego krytycznym okiem spojrzałam na „Świat według Joan”. Nie wykluczam, że wielbiciele tej aktorki pokochają jej sposób wyrażania siebie i zupełnie się ze mnie nie zgodzą. Do mnie niestety jej sposób kreowania siebie i otaczającego świata nie przemawia, a zdolności literackie pozostawiają wiele do życzenia.

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[Kitty · Rating 3 out of 5]

A true diva! If you love Joan, this is a fun, quick read. She is opinionated, brash, and unapologetic about her feelings on people (they're becoming increasingly more rude), children (the very old-fashioned "should be seen and not heard"), food (everyone is fat), and love (urgings not to make the same mistakes she did). If you are disappointed with this book, you set the bar too high-- this is neither self-help, nor is it a soul-searching autobiography. But it is something that is rare and soon to be lost to the past: The perspective of an old-school glamourous woman, with a history spanning Hollywood's golden age to being on of the last of her breed. She is close to the last of her generation, and while I hope she carries on into her 90's, I fear when she is gone, true, dignified glamour will go with her.

[Fiona Robson · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's always refreshing to hear Joan's views on life. I seriously think she should be given a seat in the House of Lords, because politically, she makes a LOT of sense, and hey - if Labour could have Floella Benjamin! Loved all the Hollywood gossip, and basically ... the woman is an inspiration!

[Colin Lindzey]

Picked this book up at a charity book stall otherwise would not have thought about buying it but it turned into a good entertaining read. A female version of Jeremy Clarkson.

[Diana · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice quick read, and I found myself totally agreeing with most of Joan's opinions and views on things.
If you are a fan or an admirer of hers you will no doubt enjoy this book.