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Sam Sylvester i wiele na wpół przeżytych żyć
Sam Sylvester ma osiemnaście lat, jest niebinarne i używa zaimków ono/jeno. Wraz ze swoim ojcem przeprowadziło się właśnie do nowego domu. Wśród przedmiotów, które zabrało, najcenniejsza jest "Księga na wpół przeżytych żyć", pełna historii osób, które zmarły przed swoimi dziewiętnastymi urodzinami.
Niewiele brakowało, a Sam podzieliłoby ich los.
Na szczęście po przeprowadzce jeno życie rozpoczyna się na nowo. Już na pierwszym spotkaniu szkolnej społeczności LGBT+ Sam znajduje zrozumienie i zaprzyjaźnia się z uroczą Shep. To z nią postanawia rozwikłać zagadkę śmierci chłopca, który trzydzieści lat temu zmarł w jeno domu w niejasnych okolicznościach.
Z czasem Sam dostaje liściki z pogróżkami, a w chwili, gdy rozwiązanie zagadki jest już blisko, ktoś zdradza prawdę o jeno przeszłości. Wtedy wszystkie bolesne, tłumione wspomnienia wracają ze zdwojoną siłą.
Czy Sam znajdzie sposób, aby odnaleźć się w nowej rzeczywistości i ochronić swoje nowe życie?
Niewiele brakowało, a Sam podzieliłoby ich los.
Na szczęście po przeprowadzce jeno życie rozpoczyna się na nowo. Już na pierwszym spotkaniu szkolnej społeczności LGBT+ Sam znajduje zrozumienie i zaprzyjaźnia się z uroczą Shep. To z nią postanawia rozwikłać zagadkę śmierci chłopca, który trzydzieści lat temu zmarł w jeno domu w niejasnych okolicznościach.
Z czasem Sam dostaje liściki z pogróżkami, a w chwili, gdy rozwiązanie zagadki jest już blisko, ktoś zdradza prawdę o jeno przeszłości. Wtedy wszystkie bolesne, tłumione wspomnienia wracają ze zdwojoną siłą.
Czy Sam znajdzie sposób, aby odnaleźć się w nowej rzeczywistości i ochronić swoje nowe życie?
368 pages, Paperback
First published May 3, 2022
97 people are currently reading
8398 people want to read
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October 29, 2024
4,5/5 ale bardzo blisko 5/5!
Świetna powieść, bardzo mi się podobało Sam jako główna postać. Dobra reprezentacja, ciekawie poruszony temat autyzmu. Myślę, że zostanie ze mną na długo.
Świetna powieść, bardzo mi się podobało Sam jako główna postać. Dobra reprezentacja, ciekawie poruszony temat autyzmu. Myślę, że zostanie ze mną na długo.
March 1, 2023
Me and the gays.
Jestem tym typem, który słucha podcastów true crime do śniadania zamiast kawy, więc gejowa książka o sprawie kryminalnej z reprezentacją osoby autystycznej musiała zostać moim ulubieńcem.
Jestem tym typem, który słucha podcastów true crime do śniadania zamiast kawy, więc gejowa książka o sprawie kryminalnej z reprezentacją osoby autystycznej musiała zostać moim ulubieńcem.
February 22, 2023
it’s too good to be true!!
gdybym mogła, dałabym jej milion gwiazdek🥹
ta książka - idealna, piękna, komfortowa, poruszająca, wciągająca…jestem absolutnie zakochana
rozkochała mnie przede wszystkim tak szeroka gama reprezentacji: mamy niebinarną postać bohaterską, która znajduje się w spektrum autyzmu (jeszcze nigdy nie czytałam książki z osobą autystyczną, dlatego tymbardziej się cieszę, że w końcu miałam taką okazję!), wiele bohaterów jest queer’owych, w szkole Sam jest tęczowa grupa pozalekcyjna🌈
ale, ale - to nie wszystko!
bo wisienką na torcie jest cały wątek kryminalny, dotyczący dawnego, zamiecionego pod dywan morderstwa. ta historia, wszelkie tajemnice, przeżywanie przez Sam tego wszystkiego i rozwiązywanie sprawy wciąga do kwadratu, a finał…zmiecie was z planszy⚡️
ta książka, to też relacje rożnego rodzaju: relacje rodzicielskie (SHOUTOUT DLA SAM I JENO TATY AAAAAAA), relacje pomiędzy przyjaciółmi, relacje międzyszkolne i oczywiście te mniej bądź bardziej miłosne💛
„Sam Sylvester i wiele na wpół przeżytych żyć” dała mi wszystko, czego potrzebuję od książki, a nawet i o wiele, wiele więcej<3
gdybym mogła, dałabym jej milion gwiazdek🥹
ta książka - idealna, piękna, komfortowa, poruszająca, wciągająca…jestem absolutnie zakochana
rozkochała mnie przede wszystkim tak szeroka gama reprezentacji: mamy niebinarną postać bohaterską, która znajduje się w spektrum autyzmu (jeszcze nigdy nie czytałam książki z osobą autystyczną, dlatego tymbardziej się cieszę, że w końcu miałam taką okazję!), wiele bohaterów jest queer’owych, w szkole Sam jest tęczowa grupa pozalekcyjna🌈
ale, ale - to nie wszystko!
bo wisienką na torcie jest cały wątek kryminalny, dotyczący dawnego, zamiecionego pod dywan morderstwa. ta historia, wszelkie tajemnice, przeżywanie przez Sam tego wszystkiego i rozwiązywanie sprawy wciąga do kwadratu, a finał…zmiecie was z planszy⚡️
ta książka, to też relacje rożnego rodzaju: relacje rodzicielskie (SHOUTOUT DLA SAM I JENO TATY AAAAAAA), relacje pomiędzy przyjaciółmi, relacje międzyszkolne i oczywiście te mniej bądź bardziej miłosne💛
„Sam Sylvester i wiele na wpół przeżytych żyć” dała mi wszystko, czego potrzebuję od książki, a nawet i o wiele, wiele więcej<3
July 7, 2022
2.5 stars
I really wanted to love this, especially because there's so little nonbinary and/or autistic representation in books (especially from authors who are nonbinary and autistic, too!), but unfortunately even the amount of love I held for the diversity in these characters couldn't redeem this story from how much the narrative voice and writing dragged it down.
Not only did the dialogue and characters feel stilted and flat much of the time, but the romance struck me as entirely unnecessary. I love a romantic subplot and it's very rare that I wish a book had skipped it altogether, but Sam and Shep didn't have any romantic chemistry and the formation of their relationship felt rushed and one-dimensional. The friendships between Sam and the other side characters were also difficult to connect to, with the only real exception being the surprising level of warmth I felt towards the unlikely closeness between Sam and Aiden.
I feel terrible for complaining so much, but while we're at it, while the mystery did keep me engaged, the killer reveal was predictable and their motive was anti-climactic. A slight spoiler here:
All of the negatives aside, there were a few things I loved, and the greatest of these was, without a doubt, Junius Sylvester. Sam's dad is an absolute shining beacon of wonderful parenting in a world of books full of lackluster or terrible fathers, and the fact that he was also ace/aro and a Black man (who occasionally touched on topics important to him specifically, such as the eggshells he walks on in his daily life to avoid being seen as a "problem") was an added bonus on top of his unconditional love for Sam and his delightful dad jokes. Honestly, 5 stars for Junius alone.
Altogether, The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester is a book that I had high hopes for, but it fell short on almost every front. While I'll still recommend it heartily to anyone looking for great nonbinary, autistic, and asexual rep (as Sam themself is also ace!), I wouldn't go into it looking for a fully cohesive story or a thrilling mystery.
✨ Representation: Sam is nonbinary, autistic, ace, and uses they/them pronouns, and Sam stims (including self-harm stims); Shep is Latinx and bi; Junius (Sam's dad) is Black, ace, and aro; multiple side characters are queer and/or BIPOC
✨ Content warnings for:
Thank you to the publisher for the review copy! All thoughts are honest and my own.
Buddy read with Malli! ♥
———
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I really wanted to love this, especially because there's so little nonbinary and/or autistic representation in books (especially from authors who are nonbinary and autistic, too!), but unfortunately even the amount of love I held for the diversity in these characters couldn't redeem this story from how much the narrative voice and writing dragged it down.
Not only did the dialogue and characters feel stilted and flat much of the time, but the romance struck me as entirely unnecessary. I love a romantic subplot and it's very rare that I wish a book had skipped it altogether, but Sam and Shep didn't have any romantic chemistry and the formation of their relationship felt rushed and one-dimensional. The friendships between Sam and the other side characters were also difficult to connect to, with the only real exception being the surprising level of warmth I felt towards the unlikely closeness between Sam and Aiden.
I feel terrible for complaining so much, but while we're at it, while the mystery did keep me engaged, the killer reveal was predictable and their motive was anti-climactic. A slight spoiler here:
All of the negatives aside, there were a few things I loved, and the greatest of these was, without a doubt, Junius Sylvester. Sam's dad is an absolute shining beacon of wonderful parenting in a world of books full of lackluster or terrible fathers, and the fact that he was also ace/aro and a Black man (who occasionally touched on topics important to him specifically, such as the eggshells he walks on in his daily life to avoid being seen as a "problem") was an added bonus on top of his unconditional love for Sam and his delightful dad jokes. Honestly, 5 stars for Junius alone.
Altogether, The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester is a book that I had high hopes for, but it fell short on almost every front. While I'll still recommend it heartily to anyone looking for great nonbinary, autistic, and asexual rep (as Sam themself is also ace!), I wouldn't go into it looking for a fully cohesive story or a thrilling mystery.
✨ Representation: Sam is nonbinary, autistic, ace, and uses they/them pronouns, and Sam stims (including self-harm stims); Shep is Latinx and bi; Junius (Sam's dad) is Black, ace, and aro; multiple side characters are queer and/or BIPOC
✨ Content warnings for:
Thank you to the publisher for the review copy! All thoughts are honest and my own.
Buddy read with Malli! ♥
———
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December 1, 2021
I wanted to love this book so much. Because it has the most fabulous rep and the most fantastic (LGBTQIA+) parent ever. I really wanted to. But …
Sam is eighteen, non-binary, and on the autism spectrum. Because of a traumatic experience Sam and their dad move to Oregon to a house where a teen boy died thirty years ago. Sam has long been fascinated by kids who died before they turned nineteen and therefore want to investigate the death of the teenage boy. But then they meet resistance.
First of all, the cover. I love the colors and after reading this story, it fits Sam so much! Furthermore, the rep in this young adult is great, and I loved the supporting characters. I had a soft spot for Sky with his pizza and his glitter Chuck Taylors. And the best of all was Junius, Sam’s dad, a Black single father who adopted Sam when they were seven years old and supported them wherever he could. If it is about their disorder, about gender, traumatic experience, or just about living, Junius is always there for Sam. Like I said, the most fantastic parent ever!
But …
Yep, I already announced the but. Although the story should tick all of my boxes, it just didn’t. The writing was awesome, I loved the part about Sam’s heart being not on their sleeve. The rep was great, the author tackled heavy topics, and I really liked the characters. I just didn’t get invested in the mystery/paranormal aspect of the book, and I think the story was a bit too long and therefore started to drag.
On the other hand, I think a lot of people will like this book, because of the reasons I stated above. It’s probably a me, not the book thing, so please check out the four and five star reviews if you want to read this book!
I received an ARC from Astra Publishing House and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Sam is eighteen, non-binary, and on the autism spectrum. Because of a traumatic experience Sam and their dad move to Oregon to a house where a teen boy died thirty years ago. Sam has long been fascinated by kids who died before they turned nineteen and therefore want to investigate the death of the teenage boy. But then they meet resistance.
First of all, the cover. I love the colors and after reading this story, it fits Sam so much! Furthermore, the rep in this young adult is great, and I loved the supporting characters. I had a soft spot for Sky with his pizza and his glitter Chuck Taylors. And the best of all was Junius, Sam’s dad, a Black single father who adopted Sam when they were seven years old and supported them wherever he could. If it is about their disorder, about gender, traumatic experience, or just about living, Junius is always there for Sam. Like I said, the most fantastic parent ever!
But …
Yep, I already announced the but. Although the story should tick all of my boxes, it just didn’t. The writing was awesome, I loved the part about Sam’s heart being not on their sleeve. The rep was great, the author tackled heavy topics, and I really liked the characters. I just didn’t get invested in the mystery/paranormal aspect of the book, and I think the story was a bit too long and therefore started to drag.
On the other hand, I think a lot of people will like this book, because of the reasons I stated above. It’s probably a me, not the book thing, so please check out the four and five star reviews if you want to read this book!
I received an ARC from Astra Publishing House and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
March 12, 2022
I'm not a huge thriller/mystery reader, but for me, this had a perfect balance between a YA contemporary and a mystery. I could try to review this as objectively as I can, but I can't, because I have never seen a main character who is autistic, non-binary AND asexual before, just like me! So you'll understand that was AMAZING to see. I loved the autistic rep as well, it was different from what we usually tend to see in a really good way. And I absolutely adored Sam's dad - a Black single parent who adopted them when they were 7. The mystery was also actually interesting to me, which isn't always the case.
May 4, 2022
I loved this one so much!!!
The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester is a YA thriller about teenage Sam who is nonbinary (they/them pronouns). Sam is recovering from trauma and with their dad has moved to a new school that will hopefully be more understanding of Sam's gender and accommodating since Sam is autistic. Sam ends up meeting some kids from the Queer club and makes a couple friends. But as they settle into their new house, they find out someone was murdered in it before their dad bought it.
Sam is intrigued and has to know more. With their new friends in tow, the three of them begin to investigate the murder. But things are getting weird, Sam finds threatening notes and sinister shadows the more they dig into the case. Are they onto something or are the notes unrelated?
Y'all I loved this book with my whole being. I need more books with neurodivergent and nonbinary MCs. The feeling of being seen like Sam made me feel is indescribable. I love them so much and I want to protect them and their dad at all costs.
I really loved the mystery part of this as well. It doesn't really ramp up until past 25% or so since Sam is busy trying to fit into school and get used to a new town. But I loved the investigation once it started. It was so gripping and I loved how I was kept guessing until the end.
There's also a little bit of romance in this book and it was so so sweet. I absolutely loved the relationship that developed!
Rep: white Autistic panromantic asexual nonbinary MC, adopted by an aroace Black dad, Latina sapphic female side character, various other queer side characters.
CWs: Bullying, panic attacks, biphobia/bimisia, homophobia/homomisia, transphobia/transmisia, grief, stalking, death, mental illness (anxiety), attempted murder. Moderate: murder, alcoholism (side character), cursing, violence, toxic friendship, suicidal thoughts. Minor: Cancer, domestic abuse, self harm, gaslighting, outing.
The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester is a YA thriller about teenage Sam who is nonbinary (they/them pronouns). Sam is recovering from trauma and with their dad has moved to a new school that will hopefully be more understanding of Sam's gender and accommodating since Sam is autistic. Sam ends up meeting some kids from the Queer club and makes a couple friends. But as they settle into their new house, they find out someone was murdered in it before their dad bought it.
Sam is intrigued and has to know more. With their new friends in tow, the three of them begin to investigate the murder. But things are getting weird, Sam finds threatening notes and sinister shadows the more they dig into the case. Are they onto something or are the notes unrelated?
Y'all I loved this book with my whole being. I need more books with neurodivergent and nonbinary MCs. The feeling of being seen like Sam made me feel is indescribable. I love them so much and I want to protect them and their dad at all costs.
I really loved the mystery part of this as well. It doesn't really ramp up until past 25% or so since Sam is busy trying to fit into school and get used to a new town. But I loved the investigation once it started. It was so gripping and I loved how I was kept guessing until the end.
There's also a little bit of romance in this book and it was so so sweet. I absolutely loved the relationship that developed!
Rep: white Autistic panromantic asexual nonbinary MC, adopted by an aroace Black dad, Latina sapphic female side character, various other queer side characters.
CWs: Bullying, panic attacks, biphobia/bimisia, homophobia/homomisia, transphobia/transmisia, grief, stalking, death, mental illness (anxiety), attempted murder. Moderate: murder, alcoholism (side character), cursing, violence, toxic friendship, suicidal thoughts. Minor: Cancer, domestic abuse, self harm, gaslighting, outing.
February 25, 2023
„Sam Sylvester i wiele na wpół przeżytych żyć” w prześwietnym tłumaczeniu Artura Łukszy to spowita tajemnicą historia, w której paranormalne wstawki czynią ją jeszcze barwniejszą. Mimo że tempo akcji nie jest za szybkie, to niepokój narasta z każdą kolejną stroną, serwując nam coraz to więcej pytań i jak najmniej odpowiedzi. W trakcie lektury desperacko próbowałem dowiedzieć się, kto jest sprawcą „tego wszystkiego”, jednak bez skutku. Zostałem zaskoczony i jeszcze bardziej wciągnięty do życia Sam.
Kocham ten tytuł za postacie i ich charaktery - Sam, Junius, Shep, Sky, Aiden, Margie, Dylan. Nawet te najbardziej poboczne osoby zostały opisane z niesamowitym wyczuciem i wrażliwością. Uważam jednak, że statuetkę najlepszej postaci - oprócz Sam - powinien dostać Junius Sylvester, czyli ojciec głównej osoby bohaterskiej. Uważam, że zasłużył na pochwałę od samej Lady Gagi: „Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique”.
Co jeszcze znajdziecie w tej książce młodzieżowej?
- Niebinarne i autystyczne Sam, które używa zaimków ono/jeno.
- Sam i jeno tata wprowadzają się do nowego domu, w którym doszło do tajemniczej "przypadkowej" śmierci. Sam i jeno nowi przyjaciele nie kupują tego, dlatego postanawiają sami przeprowadzić śledztwo.
- Adoptowane dziecko - Junius adoptował Sam, gdy ono było starsze. Musicie zobaczyć tę przepiękną relację.
- Mnóstwo queerowych postaci, które pokochacie.
- Zwroty akcji i elektryzujące zakończenie!
Kocham ten tytuł za postacie i ich charaktery - Sam, Junius, Shep, Sky, Aiden, Margie, Dylan. Nawet te najbardziej poboczne osoby zostały opisane z niesamowitym wyczuciem i wrażliwością. Uważam jednak, że statuetkę najlepszej postaci - oprócz Sam - powinien dostać Junius Sylvester, czyli ojciec głównej osoby bohaterskiej. Uważam, że zasłużył na pochwałę od samej Lady Gagi: „Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique”.
Co jeszcze znajdziecie w tej książce młodzieżowej?
- Niebinarne i autystyczne Sam, które używa zaimków ono/jeno.
- Sam i jeno tata wprowadzają się do nowego domu, w którym doszło do tajemniczej "przypadkowej" śmierci. Sam i jeno nowi przyjaciele nie kupują tego, dlatego postanawiają sami przeprowadzić śledztwo.
- Adoptowane dziecko - Junius adoptował Sam, gdy ono było starsze. Musicie zobaczyć tę przepiękną relację.
- Mnóstwo queerowych postaci, które pokochacie.
- Zwroty akcji i elektryzujące zakończenie!
October 30, 2021
Official Comments: Look no further for your next favorite read, because SAM SYLVESTER has it all: a gripping murder mystery that will keep you turning pages, ghosts, romance, and a treasure trove of queer characters with depth and heart. Here’s something rare—a suspenseful story that also feels like a hug.
Unofficial Comments: LOVE LOVE LOVE! The writing is gorgeous but so compulsively readable, and there's so much to enjoy here whether mysteries with a paranormal twist are your thing or not--the supportive relationship Sam has with their dad is something especially rare in YA, each character is distinctly drawn, and Sam is the sort of narrator you'll want to hang out with. Just read it so we can gush about it together!
Unofficial Comments: LOVE LOVE LOVE! The writing is gorgeous but so compulsively readable, and there's so much to enjoy here whether mysteries with a paranormal twist are your thing or not--the supportive relationship Sam has with their dad is something especially rare in YA, each character is distinctly drawn, and Sam is the sort of narrator you'll want to hang out with. Just read it so we can gush about it together!
July 29, 2022
Well. I'm kind of overcome with emotions. I almost cried in the grocery store checkout lane because I listened via audio and timing wasn't my friend.
I felt safe reading this book. I think that that's a really interesting thing because that is my first response. And for me this book was all about queer safety and queer living. How wanting to live is so much more than taking a breath everyday. It is feeling comfortable in your own body and mind and feeling safe in the environments around you. It's feeling safe with the people around you. It is having the ability to smile and laugh and cry and dance and jump and thrive and live. And even though this book is about a lot of other things, for me that sense of queer vitality was at the core.
Sam is an autistic aspec nonbinary queer teen and they have just moved to a new town after the experienced a horrendous near death experience. Sam has a special interest of kids that died before they were 19 and maybe it sounds a little bit morbid but when you move into a house where a kid died in the room you're staying in and you end up working to solve his murder, it's not quite so morbid. I love Sam so much and one of my favorite parts of this whole book is their relationship with their dad.
I have read a lot of asexual and aromantic books at this point and I am always shocked when I encounter a new type of asexual and aromantic representation. Sam's dad is aroace and I cannot describe how important that representation is. I loved the fact that he adopted Sam and didn't ever conform to hetero or amatonormativity.
There is a mystery / paranormal element to this that I think worked really well. It keeps you guessing until the end and even if you think you know exactly what happened I truly believe that you're going to be surprised.
Content warning for violence and attempted murder. There's a first person account of what Sam dealt with at their last school that could be intensely triggering for some folks so please be mindful.
I felt safe reading this book. I think that that's a really interesting thing because that is my first response. And for me this book was all about queer safety and queer living. How wanting to live is so much more than taking a breath everyday. It is feeling comfortable in your own body and mind and feeling safe in the environments around you. It's feeling safe with the people around you. It is having the ability to smile and laugh and cry and dance and jump and thrive and live. And even though this book is about a lot of other things, for me that sense of queer vitality was at the core.
Sam is an autistic aspec nonbinary queer teen and they have just moved to a new town after the experienced a horrendous near death experience. Sam has a special interest of kids that died before they were 19 and maybe it sounds a little bit morbid but when you move into a house where a kid died in the room you're staying in and you end up working to solve his murder, it's not quite so morbid. I love Sam so much and one of my favorite parts of this whole book is their relationship with their dad.
I have read a lot of asexual and aromantic books at this point and I am always shocked when I encounter a new type of asexual and aromantic representation. Sam's dad is aroace and I cannot describe how important that representation is. I loved the fact that he adopted Sam and didn't ever conform to hetero or amatonormativity.
There is a mystery / paranormal element to this that I think worked really well. It keeps you guessing until the end and even if you think you know exactly what happened I truly believe that you're going to be surprised.
Content warning for violence and attempted murder. There's a first person account of what Sam dealt with at their last school that could be intensely triggering for some folks so please be mindful.
June 8, 2022
“no matter where i go, i’ll always be queer. i’ll always be someone who f*cks with people’s ideas of gender and what i should and shouldn’t be. even if people look at me and think i’m a butch woman or a glitter-wearing gay dude, i’m never going to be safe… i’m never going to fit in, because i don’t know how to person like other people do. i’ll never be safe. anywhere.”
this book made me feel so, so much. i love
sam sylvester. i love feeling safe in the arms of their story, in the fear and uncertainty and family and just pure desire to be alive. is this mystery suspenseful, and quite honestly spooked me out at times? oh yeah, it’s about a 30-years past teen death. but then sam was there hugging their dad, who is unimaginably lovely and adopted sam when they were younger. or shep, the pretty girl at astoria high school sam met after moving away from montana, where they leave an upsetting near-death experience in their wake for a new start. in the drama and clues and dusty photos, there is also a community built for a person who never believed they would have one.
i guess i should say that sam is an autistic, nonbinary, queer aspec teen. i love having this story, because do all of sam’s identities overlap with mine? no. but reading this book, i felt so at heart with sam. there is also some great discussion about the separation of queerness and autism! i appreciated the representation in the way it interacts with the story because it just like,,, gah. sam’s special interest is kids who have died before the age of 19. “half-lived lives” it’s morbid, but the perspective it gave sam in trying to solve a cold case, in their utter need to somehow make things fall into place, to make it to nineteen themselves, to redeem themselves after barely escaping death once, just left me in tears?
“life and death are the two things we never get an answer for when we ask ‘why.’ and for whatever reason, i’ve collected a hell of a lot more of both than everyone else seems to.”
also: themes in this book. life and death, and the choice to live, are prevalent in sam’s narration. not because sam wants to die, but because sam wants to live. in a connected way, queer safety is very forefront. we get the most loving and supporting dad (yay!), but without boundaries, without making yourself heard, it’s so hard to exist. there’s a quiet sadness in having to hope and pray that you will be safe in a space when you introduce yourself with your pronouns. when you stim freely. when you’re almost 6 feet tall with dyed hair and a tattoo sleeve. i wanted to tell sam that they deserve so much, because between all the fear and all the discoveries, the sleuthing and first kisses, solving murders and finding queer spaces, there is life. and goddamn, that’s worth it.
content warnings: bullying, panic attacks, stalking, attempted murder, murder, hospitalization, alcoholism, biphobia, homophobia/transphobia inspired hate crimes, self harm (bruising)
this book made me feel so, so much. i love
sam sylvester. i love feeling safe in the arms of their story, in the fear and uncertainty and family and just pure desire to be alive. is this mystery suspenseful, and quite honestly spooked me out at times? oh yeah, it’s about a 30-years past teen death. but then sam was there hugging their dad, who is unimaginably lovely and adopted sam when they were younger. or shep, the pretty girl at astoria high school sam met after moving away from montana, where they leave an upsetting near-death experience in their wake for a new start. in the drama and clues and dusty photos, there is also a community built for a person who never believed they would have one.
i guess i should say that sam is an autistic, nonbinary, queer aspec teen. i love having this story, because do all of sam’s identities overlap with mine? no. but reading this book, i felt so at heart with sam. there is also some great discussion about the separation of queerness and autism! i appreciated the representation in the way it interacts with the story because it just like,,, gah. sam’s special interest is kids who have died before the age of 19. “half-lived lives” it’s morbid, but the perspective it gave sam in trying to solve a cold case, in their utter need to somehow make things fall into place, to make it to nineteen themselves, to redeem themselves after barely escaping death once, just left me in tears?
“life and death are the two things we never get an answer for when we ask ‘why.’ and for whatever reason, i’ve collected a hell of a lot more of both than everyone else seems to.”
also: themes in this book. life and death, and the choice to live, are prevalent in sam’s narration. not because sam wants to die, but because sam wants to live. in a connected way, queer safety is very forefront. we get the most loving and supporting dad (yay!), but without boundaries, without making yourself heard, it’s so hard to exist. there’s a quiet sadness in having to hope and pray that you will be safe in a space when you introduce yourself with your pronouns. when you stim freely. when you’re almost 6 feet tall with dyed hair and a tattoo sleeve. i wanted to tell sam that they deserve so much, because between all the fear and all the discoveries, the sleuthing and first kisses, solving murders and finding queer spaces, there is life. and goddamn, that’s worth it.
content warnings: bullying, panic attacks, stalking, attempted murder, murder, hospitalization, alcoholism, biphobia, homophobia/transphobia inspired hate crimes, self harm (bruising)
June 29, 2022
This book has the ✨best YA book parent✨ of all time AND defies genres (contemporary mystery thriller?), so that makes it automatically a new favorite.
Sam is nonbinary and autistic, and was adopted out of the foster care system by a Black single man. They've had to move around a lot due to bullying and traumatic experiences, and have ended up in Oregon—hopefully for good. Sam is obsessed with kids who don't live to be 19, an age they consider especially tragic because they are on the cusp of adulthood. Sam is 18, and their new bedroom happens to be the bedroom of Billy, a boy who died thirty years ago in this town, and one of the kids Sam knew about from their research. Now that Sam's here? It's time to solve the mystery of whether Billy's death was "a tragic accident" like they all say... or if there was foul play. And with Sam's own clock ticking until their 19th birthday, they feel the urgency of their own death just around the corner.
There are so many trigger warnings in this book I'm going to break them up:
Okay, now that's done, back to discussing this gem.
This is Maya MacGregor's debut novel and I found it absolutely incredible. The narrative voice was so strong, the story was suspenseful and heartbreaking, and I adored the characters. I find YA mysteries to be lopsided with how high the stakes are set (meaning, the build-up is low stakes and then suddenly the climax involves a bomb out of nowhere), but this book was well-balanced and had me on the edge of my seat and reading until late. I was even getting spooked! I need to build up my spook factor again clearly.
Because Sam is 18 this could be seen as New Adult, but I think the social and emotional maturity is fits the YA category perfectly. Sam and Shep are both very socially awkward, which was hilarious and the exact amount of cringe and charm you want when reading a YA relationship. Sam is also a really cool character, with a full tattoo sleeve and dyed hair, and that's on the cover! I love when covers reflect the characters inside the pages.
BUT the best part of this book, if I had to pick one thing, is the wonderful representation! I tried to take notes to make sure I didn't miss anything, but I probably did. Sam is autistic, nonbinary, and on the ace spectrum. Their father, Junius, is Black, asexual, and aromantic. They both have chronic migraines. The love interest is Latina and bisexual. There's a prominent Vietnamese side character and another bisexual character as well. All of Sam's friends are queer if my memory serves me right. And I loved all the characters with my whole heart!!
The mental health rep is also very good, and I am an own voices reviewer for trauma, anxiety, and panic attacks. Another review said this story is own voices for the autistic and nonbinary identities. With so few books having this level of intersectionality I cannot recommend this enough. Not the easiest read, but it was engaging and left me still thinking about the characters.
Also, I cried, so if you like books that leave you emotional... pick this up.
Sam is nonbinary and autistic, and was adopted out of the foster care system by a Black single man. They've had to move around a lot due to bullying and traumatic experiences, and have ended up in Oregon—hopefully for good. Sam is obsessed with kids who don't live to be 19, an age they consider especially tragic because they are on the cusp of adulthood. Sam is 18, and their new bedroom happens to be the bedroom of Billy, a boy who died thirty years ago in this town, and one of the kids Sam knew about from their research. Now that Sam's here? It's time to solve the mystery of whether Billy's death was "a tragic accident" like they all say... or if there was foul play. And with Sam's own clock ticking until their 19th birthday, they feel the urgency of their own death just around the corner.
There are so many trigger warnings in this book I'm going to break them up:
TW (violence): near-death experience, murder, hate crime & attempted murder, anaphylactic shock (both fatal and not), strangulation, stalking, bullying, gun violence
TW (mental health): anxiety, panic attacks, trauma, biphobia, homophobia, and transphobia, misgendering, self-harm, chronic migraines, vomiting
CW: discussions of foster care system, previous loss of a parent to cancer, racism towards side character, messy divorce fueled by alcoholism
Okay, now that's done, back to discussing this gem.
This is Maya MacGregor's debut novel and I found it absolutely incredible. The narrative voice was so strong, the story was suspenseful and heartbreaking, and I adored the characters. I find YA mysteries to be lopsided with how high the stakes are set (meaning, the build-up is low stakes and then suddenly the climax involves a bomb out of nowhere), but this book was well-balanced and had me on the edge of my seat and reading until late. I was even getting spooked! I need to build up my spook factor again clearly.
Because Sam is 18 this could be seen as New Adult, but I think the social and emotional maturity is fits the YA category perfectly. Sam and Shep are both very socially awkward, which was hilarious and the exact amount of cringe and charm you want when reading a YA relationship. Sam is also a really cool character, with a full tattoo sleeve and dyed hair, and that's on the cover! I love when covers reflect the characters inside the pages.
BUT the best part of this book, if I had to pick one thing, is the wonderful representation! I tried to take notes to make sure I didn't miss anything, but I probably did. Sam is autistic, nonbinary, and on the ace spectrum. Their father, Junius, is Black, asexual, and aromantic. They both have chronic migraines. The love interest is Latina and bisexual. There's a prominent Vietnamese side character and another bisexual character as well. All of Sam's friends are queer if my memory serves me right. And I loved all the characters with my whole heart!!
The mental health rep is also very good, and I am an own voices reviewer for trauma, anxiety, and panic attacks. Another review said this story is own voices for the autistic and nonbinary identities. With so few books having this level of intersectionality I cannot recommend this enough. Not the easiest read, but it was engaging and left me still thinking about the characters.
Also, I cried, so if you like books that leave you emotional... pick this up.
December 8, 2021
It’s been a while since I last read a book that made me genuinely care about the characters so this was really refreshing. The story follows a non-binary teenager named Sam Sylvester after they and their dad moved to a new town due to some reasons we find out through the book. There Sam gets to know some of the new people, make friends but also discover that the house they just moved in was a place where a teenager named Billy died under suspicious circumstances. Along with their new friends, Sam is set on finding out the truth behind Billy’s death.
First of, I loved the family aspects. The relationship between Sam and their dad is absolutely heartwarming. I love the messages it sends about foster parents and I don’t think I ever read a YA book that actually explored the topic of single parent adoption. I also enjoyed the friendship aspects although at times I wish that the characters shared more moments together.
The whole mystery around Billy’s death was very interesting. I like stories where truth is gradually discovered but that don’t necessarily try to pull some kind of crazy plot twist. While this does have a certain twist at the end it felt believable as there is definitely a solid build up to that moment.
I think the book also does a great job of portraying what it’s like being nonbinary and autistic and it makes me happy we are getting such diverse stories nowadays.
I suppose I’m not really a big fan of all the pop and fandom references, but that’s just a personal preference. One thing I kind of disliked is the way asexuality is introduced. Besides being nonbinary and autistic, Sam is also asexual. However, that is only brought up later in the second half of the book. I always look forward to the representation as I am ace myself but the scene just didn’t sit all that well with me. Sam basically mentions it during a confrontation with one of the boys from his school. It felt a little weird as it was not mentioned again after. I expected Sam would tell it to their girlfriends or friends rather than just being like this where it feels like a scene was added just so that could be brought up.
Overall, I quite loved this. It was a fun read and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who loves the trope of queer found family as well as addition of mystery element in it.
Review also posted on my blog.
First of, I loved the family aspects. The relationship between Sam and their dad is absolutely heartwarming. I love the messages it sends about foster parents and I don’t think I ever read a YA book that actually explored the topic of single parent adoption. I also enjoyed the friendship aspects although at times I wish that the characters shared more moments together.
The whole mystery around Billy’s death was very interesting. I like stories where truth is gradually discovered but that don’t necessarily try to pull some kind of crazy plot twist. While this does have a certain twist at the end it felt believable as there is definitely a solid build up to that moment.
I think the book also does a great job of portraying what it’s like being nonbinary and autistic and it makes me happy we are getting such diverse stories nowadays.
I suppose I’m not really a big fan of all the pop and fandom references, but that’s just a personal preference. One thing I kind of disliked is the way asexuality is introduced. Besides being nonbinary and autistic, Sam is also asexual. However, that is only brought up later in the second half of the book. I always look forward to the representation as I am ace myself but the scene just didn’t sit all that well with me. Sam basically mentions it during a confrontation with one of the boys from his school. It felt a little weird as it was not mentioned again after. I expected Sam would tell it to their girlfriends or friends rather than just being like this where it feels like a scene was added just so that could be brought up.
Overall, I quite loved this. It was a fun read and I would definitely recommend it to anyone who loves the trope of queer found family as well as addition of mystery element in it.
Review also posted on my blog.
September 28, 2022
Review to come
September 18, 2022
*Thank you so much to the publisher for sending me a copy of this book to review!*
I really wanted to love this story but unfortunately in the end too many aspects just didn’t work out for me. I think the main problem this book had was trying to cram too many elements into such a short book, I feel like if it was more stripped back and had a singular focus it would’ve worked better for me personally.
First and foremost, I think the representation and diversity in this book was so beautifully done and so important for the modern YA genre. It’s not every day you come across a book with an autistic, queer main character who has been adopted. Alongside that, we have a variety of other side characters who are so different it was so lovely to see them being themselves and supporting Sam throughout.
I struggled at times with the writing of this book. Not just the style, but the actual things that were said. I tried to overlook it and just focus on the story, but it just didn't work for me and took me out of the book several times. It made it hard to read. I just found this book to be quite cringey. I struggled a lot with the dialogue, with characters often saying emojis out loud as well as very online references and verbally speaking acronyms. For eighteen year olds especially, the terminally online personality of the characters just didn't work for me. And the amount of Tumblr references just felt dated.
Sam themselves was a wonderful character and I really wish the story had just focussed on their coming of age and starting again in a new school rather than going on an odd murder mystery ghost hunt. They were such bright and warm characters to follow, and the supportiveness of the side characters was lovely to see. Especially their dad, he was one of the most wholesome characters in the book even if he did cringe me out at times. It’s rare you see such an amazing parental figure in books.
There was a tiny bit of romance thrown into this book to complicate things even more and honestly I found it so unnecessary. I didn’t even think Sam and Shep had any viable chemistry. They were great as friends, but their love seemed to spring up from nowhere. The book would have been better off. Or maybe it would have worked with more development and less outside chaos in the plot.
We follow Sam on some sort of murder mystery to find out what happened to a random kid around 30 years ago and honestly this is where the plot got too convoluted and lost me. There was just too much going on to properly do everything. It was confusing, I didn’t really follow the plot or the clues to the mystery at all. It felt very rushed and as if characters were joining dots that to me seemed invisible. Jumping to conclusions rapidly. It was very jolting to read and confused me. And the ending? The final reveal? Ridiculous. Sorry, but not only did it not make sense in any way but it was just silly.
Sorry but it was just bad. Far fetched and nonsensical. Ruined everything.
This just unfortunately didn’t work for me.
I really wanted to love this story but unfortunately in the end too many aspects just didn’t work out for me. I think the main problem this book had was trying to cram too many elements into such a short book, I feel like if it was more stripped back and had a singular focus it would’ve worked better for me personally.
First and foremost, I think the representation and diversity in this book was so beautifully done and so important for the modern YA genre. It’s not every day you come across a book with an autistic, queer main character who has been adopted. Alongside that, we have a variety of other side characters who are so different it was so lovely to see them being themselves and supporting Sam throughout.
I struggled at times with the writing of this book. Not just the style, but the actual things that were said. I tried to overlook it and just focus on the story, but it just didn't work for me and took me out of the book several times. It made it hard to read. I just found this book to be quite cringey. I struggled a lot with the dialogue, with characters often saying emojis out loud as well as very online references and verbally speaking acronyms. For eighteen year olds especially, the terminally online personality of the characters just didn't work for me. And the amount of Tumblr references just felt dated.
Sam themselves was a wonderful character and I really wish the story had just focussed on their coming of age and starting again in a new school rather than going on an odd murder mystery ghost hunt. They were such bright and warm characters to follow, and the supportiveness of the side characters was lovely to see. Especially their dad, he was one of the most wholesome characters in the book even if he did cringe me out at times. It’s rare you see such an amazing parental figure in books.
There was a tiny bit of romance thrown into this book to complicate things even more and honestly I found it so unnecessary. I didn’t even think Sam and Shep had any viable chemistry. They were great as friends, but their love seemed to spring up from nowhere. The book would have been better off. Or maybe it would have worked with more development and less outside chaos in the plot.
We follow Sam on some sort of murder mystery to find out what happened to a random kid around 30 years ago and honestly this is where the plot got too convoluted and lost me. There was just too much going on to properly do everything. It was confusing, I didn’t really follow the plot or the clues to the mystery at all. It felt very rushed and as if characters were joining dots that to me seemed invisible. Jumping to conclusions rapidly. It was very jolting to read and confused me. And the ending? The final reveal? Ridiculous. Sorry, but not only did it not make sense in any way but it was just silly.
Sorry but it was just bad. Far fetched and nonsensical. Ruined everything.
This just unfortunately didn’t work for me.
February 7, 2022
"I’m not afraid of death because the living are much scarier, even the ones who aren’t trying to kill you."
Have you ever read a synopsis of a book and thought that you were easily going to fall in love while reading? Keywords stick out about ghostly sightings, threatening notes, and a bizarre mystery. It sounded so right up my alley that I couldn't look away. Then I decided to give it a go and I believe the hype I created for this book was better than the actual story. Sad emoji.
I hate to keep using this metaphor but this was like a dog chasing its own tail. The mystery was presented to us and it kept going round and round. I was starting to become nauseous. This wasn't the roller coaster I was expecting and I wanted to get off but I pushed through. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever read but it wasn't the best. I wanted to love this so much but it just wasn't there. The story was definitely a miss for me.
What made this somewhat enjoyable was the reps. It was positive and the LGBTQIA+ group at school was a huge bonus. Not many schools offer groups of love and support. That one touched this dark soul because a lot of kids get bullied without anyone to go to and this was what these kids needed to make it through. It was beautiful. My favorite thing about this was Sam's very loving and supportive Dad. He was an absolute sweetheart. Where's his spinoff book? He was the sunshine on a gloomy day.
As the mystery developed more and more, it became really predictable. Nothing was shocking or twisted. I'm saying this about the thirty-year-old mystery and not about what Sam went through at their old school. What Sam experienced made me tear up because no one should have to deal with asshole bullies like that and the kids who did what they did should be in jail!! The confrontation was a big letdown. It was there and over in seconds. I was waiting for this huge shoe to drop and I was going to be screaming. I wound up rolling my eyes and moving on with my day. Ugh!
The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester was an okay read with a mediocre mystery. I liked the ghostly elements and the support system that Sam had. There wasn't enough offered to make me really love this and gush about it. All I can really do is shrug my shoulders. Shrug emoji. Eyeroll emoji. (If you know, then you know)
Have you ever read a synopsis of a book and thought that you were easily going to fall in love while reading? Keywords stick out about ghostly sightings, threatening notes, and a bizarre mystery. It sounded so right up my alley that I couldn't look away. Then I decided to give it a go and I believe the hype I created for this book was better than the actual story. Sad emoji.
I hate to keep using this metaphor but this was like a dog chasing its own tail. The mystery was presented to us and it kept going round and round. I was starting to become nauseous. This wasn't the roller coaster I was expecting and I wanted to get off but I pushed through. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever read but it wasn't the best. I wanted to love this so much but it just wasn't there. The story was definitely a miss for me.
What made this somewhat enjoyable was the reps. It was positive and the LGBTQIA+ group at school was a huge bonus. Not many schools offer groups of love and support. That one touched this dark soul because a lot of kids get bullied without anyone to go to and this was what these kids needed to make it through. It was beautiful. My favorite thing about this was Sam's very loving and supportive Dad. He was an absolute sweetheart. Where's his spinoff book? He was the sunshine on a gloomy day.
As the mystery developed more and more, it became really predictable. Nothing was shocking or twisted. I'm saying this about the thirty-year-old mystery and not about what Sam went through at their old school. What Sam experienced made me tear up because no one should have to deal with asshole bullies like that and the kids who did what they did should be in jail!! The confrontation was a big letdown. It was there and over in seconds. I was waiting for this huge shoe to drop and I was going to be screaming. I wound up rolling my eyes and moving on with my day. Ugh!
The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester was an okay read with a mediocre mystery. I liked the ghostly elements and the support system that Sam had. There wasn't enough offered to make me really love this and gush about it. All I can really do is shrug my shoulders. Shrug emoji. Eyeroll emoji. (If you know, then you know)
April 5, 2022
This book is marketed as YA, borderline New Adult with an 18 year old main character, which I find to be a mistake. This book and its dialogue especially is very immature and would be better marketed as a middle grade. I had to DNF because it wasn’t what I wanted and personally I couldn’t deal with the outdated tumblr and media references. I’m really sad by this because the cover and description had me hooked. I could see this having an audience with queer middle schoolers, but not for an older YA audience like me
July 1, 2023
to było coś nowego
March 23, 2023
Ten rok to chyba najlepszy pod względem wydawanych w Polsce młodzieżówek, a ta książka tylko to potwierdza. Przyznam, że mnie na początku przyciągnęła okładka (jest piękna!), ale ostatecznie zachęcił opis.
Sam Sylvester wprowadza się z jeno tatą do nowego nowego, w nowym mieście, żeby zacząć od początku i uciec od tragicznych wydarzeń. Z czasem Sam dowie się, że w domu, w którym teraz mieszka, a nawet w jego pokoju, miał miejsce tragiczny wypadek - 30 lat wcześniej zginął nastolatek. Tamto wydarzenie pogrążyło w żałobie całe miasto i do teraz zostawiło w nim swoje piętno.
Sam, razem ze swoimi nowymi znajomymi, spróbuje rozwiązać zagadkę i odpowiedzieć na pytanie - czy to na pewno był tragiczny wypadek? Szczerze, nie spodziewałxm się takiego rozwiązania.
A teraz najważniejsze - warstwa obyczajowa, która była niesamowicie urocza i otulająca, mimo wielu TW (niżej). Podejrzewam, że jest to szczególna zasługa taty Sam i relacji między nimi (!!!), która rozczuliła mnie niejednokrotnie i wywołała łzy wzruszenia.
A wątek romantyczny między Sam i... kimś był subtelny, powolny i prawdziwy.
Sam jest niebinarne i autystyczne, co stanowi dla osoby autorskiej ważną oś fabuły. Poznajemy sposób, w jaki Sam odbiera otoczenie i jak wchodzi w relacje z innymi. A także jak oddziałują na nieno tragiczne wydarzenia z przeszłości. Ciekawa była też Księga Na Wpół Przeżytych Żyć, którą prowadziło Sam i szkolna grupa dla osób LGBTQ+ 🌈
Bardzo polubiłxm osoby bohaterskie, np. Shep, przywiązałxm się do nich i gdy zamknęłxm książkę, poczułxm, że będę za nimi tęsknić. To taki comfort read, do którego na pewno będę wracać myślami.
Tymczasem czekam na więcej od tej osoby autorskiej!
.
❗️TW: queerfobia, misgenderowanie, samookaleczanie, przemoc❗️
.
.
.
.
(opinia zaraz po przeczytaniu)
.
Będę tęsknić za Sam 🥺 (i jeno tatą!)
Mimo wszystko (dużo TW) to taka comfort książka.
Rozwiązania zagadki się nie spodziewałxm, a warstwa obyczajowa była po prostu urocza i otulająca.
Czekam na więcej od tej osoby autorskiej!
Sam Sylvester wprowadza się z jeno tatą do nowego nowego, w nowym mieście, żeby zacząć od początku i uciec od tragicznych wydarzeń. Z czasem Sam dowie się, że w domu, w którym teraz mieszka, a nawet w jego pokoju, miał miejsce tragiczny wypadek - 30 lat wcześniej zginął nastolatek. Tamto wydarzenie pogrążyło w żałobie całe miasto i do teraz zostawiło w nim swoje piętno.
Sam, razem ze swoimi nowymi znajomymi, spróbuje rozwiązać zagadkę i odpowiedzieć na pytanie - czy to na pewno był tragiczny wypadek? Szczerze, nie spodziewałxm się takiego rozwiązania.
A teraz najważniejsze - warstwa obyczajowa, która była niesamowicie urocza i otulająca, mimo wielu TW (niżej). Podejrzewam, że jest to szczególna zasługa taty Sam i relacji między nimi (!!!), która rozczuliła mnie niejednokrotnie i wywołała łzy wzruszenia.
A wątek romantyczny między Sam i... kimś był subtelny, powolny i prawdziwy.
Sam jest niebinarne i autystyczne, co stanowi dla osoby autorskiej ważną oś fabuły. Poznajemy sposób, w jaki Sam odbiera otoczenie i jak wchodzi w relacje z innymi. A także jak oddziałują na nieno tragiczne wydarzenia z przeszłości. Ciekawa była też Księga Na Wpół Przeżytych Żyć, którą prowadziło Sam i szkolna grupa dla osób LGBTQ+ 🌈
Bardzo polubiłxm osoby bohaterskie, np. Shep, przywiązałxm się do nich i gdy zamknęłxm książkę, poczułxm, że będę za nimi tęsknić. To taki comfort read, do którego na pewno będę wracać myślami.
Tymczasem czekam na więcej od tej osoby autorskiej!
.
❗️TW: queerfobia, misgenderowanie, samookaleczanie, przemoc❗️
.
.
.
.
(opinia zaraz po przeczytaniu)
.
Będę tęsknić za Sam 🥺 (i jeno tatą!)
Mimo wszystko (dużo TW) to taka comfort książka.
Rozwiązania zagadki się nie spodziewałxm, a warstwa obyczajowa była po prostu urocza i otulająca.
Czekam na więcej od tej osoby autorskiej!
May 9, 2022
5 stars <3
Read the full review on my blog!
- Sam is now one of my favorite main characters!! so easy to relate to, amazing non binary and autistic rep
- I LOVED the father/child relationship sooo much and could recommend this book simply based on that, it filled me with joy
- this is about being happy and hopeful as a queer person, or as someone who feels different, and is written in a way that really made it hit home for me
- the theme of death is omnipresent in many different ways, and I loved how it was dealt with, there was definitely something very raw and honest about this story and its main themes
- plotwise, I liked that it was pretty straightforward and easy to follow, but also unique and a blend of various genres, with bits up to interpretation!
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Astra Publishing House for this eARC!
Content warnings: ableism, violence, bullying, hate crime, attempted murder, strangulation, stalking, misgendering, transphobia, homopobia, biphobia, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, mention of cancer, gun violence.
— ORIGINAL REVIEW —
RTC.
zero objectivity here. I loved this SO MUCH. it wasn’t perfect but.
The autistic rep, the non binary rep!! but also many small elements that I really love to see in books and that I found in this one. It made me emotional in a way books rarely do. This will be one of my favorite reads of the year.
I can’t wait to write a full review and talk a bit more about it because it was so unique and powerful and also a lot of fun.
Thank you to netgalley and astra publishing for this eARC!
Read the full review on my blog!
- Sam is now one of my favorite main characters!! so easy to relate to, amazing non binary and autistic rep
- I LOVED the father/child relationship sooo much and could recommend this book simply based on that, it filled me with joy
- this is about being happy and hopeful as a queer person, or as someone who feels different, and is written in a way that really made it hit home for me
- the theme of death is omnipresent in many different ways, and I loved how it was dealt with, there was definitely something very raw and honest about this story and its main themes
- plotwise, I liked that it was pretty straightforward and easy to follow, but also unique and a blend of various genres, with bits up to interpretation!
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Astra Publishing House for this eARC!
Content warnings: ableism, violence, bullying, hate crime, attempted murder, strangulation, stalking, misgendering, transphobia, homopobia, biphobia, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, mention of cancer, gun violence.
— ORIGINAL REVIEW —
RTC.
zero objectivity here. I loved this SO MUCH. it wasn’t perfect but.
The autistic rep, the non binary rep!! but also many small elements that I really love to see in books and that I found in this one. It made me emotional in a way books rarely do. This will be one of my favorite reads of the year.
I can’t wait to write a full review and talk a bit more about it because it was so unique and powerful and also a lot of fun.
Thank you to netgalley and astra publishing for this eARC!
November 30, 2021
The tension and intrigue is on point. It will be a fast favorite when it releases in May 2022 for sure. It's a fast-paced page-turning ya murder mystery complete with love, lots of fab queer characters, messages from ghosts in the past, and plenty of aww and sweet moments. I was shocked but not too shocked at the ending/mystery conclusion. The conclusion made sense but I like that I didn't guess it ahead of time. I rooted for Sam and the other characters and would love to read more from the perspective of Sam or their friends.
I received an eARC free of charge from Netgalley. It was my choice to read and I'm leaving this review voluntarily.
I received an eARC free of charge from Netgalley. It was my choice to read and I'm leaving this review voluntarily.
August 9, 2023
To była bardzo zaskakująca książka ✨️
Akcja, fabuła, Bohaterowie - C U D O W N E 💕🌿🌟
Czytajcie, bo na prawdę warto 🥺🫶
Akcja, fabuła, Bohaterowie - C U D O W N E 💕🌿🌟
Czytajcie, bo na prawdę warto 🥺🫶
February 19, 2022
Thank you NetGalley and Astra Publishing for an advanced copy of this book. I am choosing to leave this review.
A paranormal coming of age story of Sam Sylvester and their friends searching for the answers of a 30 year old cold case.This is the kind of coming of age story that I hope every kid gets to read. So many great reps LGTBQ+, nonbinary, bi, autism, neurodivergent rep.
Lets get chatty about this book
1) PARENTAL FIGURES ARE PRESENT!!! There are so few YA coming of age stories, or anything, that also includes the parents as apart of the story line. I loved that Sam's father, Junius, is present and has actual parental opinions. He positively influences the story and is a really great role model for Sam and all of his friends.
2) A lot of personal dialogue about Sam's thought promise during stimuli and him figuring out a way to respond. I enjoyed Sam's mention of how they are answer something in a way that might not best suit them but will the person they are talking to. I think this perspective is great because it really shows how much work responding to anybody's preference is and there are extra challenges for neurodiverse/autistic.
3) I thought the integration of the paranormal aspect was a bit clunky at first but then it really intertwined with the story. I can see why some people did not enjoy this because I think the story would of been just as strong without a paranormal aspect.
A paranormal coming of age story of Sam Sylvester and their friends searching for the answers of a 30 year old cold case.This is the kind of coming of age story that I hope every kid gets to read. So many great reps LGTBQ+, nonbinary, bi, autism, neurodivergent rep.
Lets get chatty about this book
1) PARENTAL FIGURES ARE PRESENT!!! There are so few YA coming of age stories, or anything, that also includes the parents as apart of the story line. I loved that Sam's father, Junius, is present and has actual parental opinions. He positively influences the story and is a really great role model for Sam and all of his friends.
2) A lot of personal dialogue about Sam's thought promise during stimuli and him figuring out a way to respond. I enjoyed Sam's mention of how they are answer something in a way that might not best suit them but will the person they are talking to. I think this perspective is great because it really shows how much work responding to anybody's preference is and there are extra challenges for neurodiverse/autistic.
3) I thought the integration of the paranormal aspect was a bit clunky at first but then it really intertwined with the story. I can see why some people did not enjoy this because I think the story would of been just as strong without a paranormal aspect.
July 11, 2022
I am not fulfilled. I feel empty and i think this book just made me more empty
I grabbed it hoping for more, but ended up giving two stars just bc i didn't want to seem homophobic, i didn't like the story that's all...
I grabbed it hoping for more, but ended up giving two stars just bc i didn't want to seem homophobic, i didn't like the story that's all...
September 12, 2023
Actual rating: 3.5⭐️.
An incredibly intriguing mystery with a promising start, but the longer it went on, the more it disappointed me. BUT! I loved Sam and their dad as a father-kid dynamic, very sweet queer single-parent family rep, he never tried to “fix” Sam or speak over them as a neurotypical person, and his struggles as a Black single father were sometimes important to the story, too. Sam themself was not only stellar nonbinary representation but wonderful autistic rep, too, and one of the reasons I became so drawn into this book and its narrative was because there was a kind of comfort in how close I felt to them. And to mention, their constant worry about being killed not just for being part of an investigation but being openly, visibly queer too is even more relevant a year after this book’s release. (Which, although I appreciate having it as a resource of sorts, is also very sad.)
Really, the ones I have issues with are the other side characters? There wasn’t nearly enough time to flesh out everyone’s relationships and characterizations. Most of the side cast felt one-note. And while I appreciate Sam being in a healthy queer relationship, their girlfriend, Shep, wasn’t around that much on-page before they were made official and them getting together felt very rushed. They went from just starting to become friends, to Sam suddenly feeling like they wanted to kiss her, and then…she reciprocates that?? And they’re partners now?!?! I wish they’d waited longer to introduce that.
Speaking of character relationships: Basically all of the side characters felt solely defined by their relationships to either the murdered boy Billy, or Sam. While I get that no character in a first-person POV novel is going to have nearly as much characterization as the MC, it still made the cast feel shallow at times. (Also! This isn’t even that related, but I don’t know where else to put this: I did not like Sam mentioning emojis in their dialogue. I don’t know if it was put in there as a means of expressing their less serious reactions/emotions when they’re not sure the exact cues on how to react with their body, but just saying stuff like “blush emoji” felt..dated and a little cringy, lol.)
Secondly, the mystery felt very repetitive. The AMOUNT OF TIMES I read Sam and/or Shep be like “we need to find out what happened with Billy!!” “this threat has to be because they don’t want us to know about Billy!!”. The same two facts about Billy liking David Bowie’s music(I KNOW HE DRESSED UP AS JARETH YOU HAVE SAID THAT THRICE). Sam smells popcorn *AGAIN*. Sam can feel Billy’s voice in their head *AGAIN*. Like, every time Sam and Shep were so insistent that they were getting somewhere in their investigation, my only thought was: okay, where?!?! What else do we know, you just keep bringing up how his death obviously wasn’t a “tragic accident” even though everyone keeps regurgitating those robotic words that it was, he died from some peanut product in his food, and it was in the house Sam moved into. You’re not getting any juicy details, just looking through photos for people he knew. (And..getting weird ghost dreams?!) Which, sure, that could be used to build up a suspect list..but Sam wasn’t even getting any primary sources like diary entries until THERE WAS LESS THAN 100 PAGES LEFT!!!
What the hell WERE the ghost dreams for, anyways? We don’t ever get a real answer to that. Sam’s just..psychic, and Shep is to a degree, and nobody else is for god knows what reason. All we get is a hint that anyone in the bedroom for a certain period of time starts to smell the popcorn scent, so is that implying that Sam had that BECAUSE they were in the bedroom for the longest period of time?? What about Shep, she had some sort of intuition even before that so that explanation would fall flat. Couldn’t there at least be some symbolic thing tied into how they felt close to death after the Montana incident?! If there’s subtext I missed let me know, I guess. But I was expecting more of a paranormal plot to it, considering just how relevant the ghost memories and partial possession were. It leaned more contemporary instead, which I should’ve expected from the synopsis, but left a lot of unanswered questions.
I really wanted to love this book, beginning to end of my reading experience. I was weary from the first few pages, then I eased in, and adored it by page 100. But as soon as the romance was introduced, it started to lose me. I do, however, understand people who *do* love this book. There’s a lot of things to love about it—the progression at the beginning is very good, the diversity in the cast is written with care, and Sam’s character development is mostly compelling. (There is a reason why I didn’t give this a super low rating.) Please don’t let this review steer you away from reading it, if it’s on your radar! But…if you don’t like Steven Universe, you might want to pass on this one because there are a LOT of those references in the first 40% or so of the book.
An incredibly intriguing mystery with a promising start, but the longer it went on, the more it disappointed me. BUT! I loved Sam and their dad as a father-kid dynamic, very sweet queer single-parent family rep, he never tried to “fix” Sam or speak over them as a neurotypical person, and his struggles as a Black single father were sometimes important to the story, too. Sam themself was not only stellar nonbinary representation but wonderful autistic rep, too, and one of the reasons I became so drawn into this book and its narrative was because there was a kind of comfort in how close I felt to them. And to mention, their constant worry about being killed not just for being part of an investigation but being openly, visibly queer too is even more relevant a year after this book’s release. (Which, although I appreciate having it as a resource of sorts, is also very sad.)
Really, the ones I have issues with are the other side characters? There wasn’t nearly enough time to flesh out everyone’s relationships and characterizations. Most of the side cast felt one-note. And while I appreciate Sam being in a healthy queer relationship, their girlfriend, Shep, wasn’t around that much on-page before they were made official and them getting together felt very rushed. They went from just starting to become friends, to Sam suddenly feeling like they wanted to kiss her, and then…she reciprocates that?? And they’re partners now?!?! I wish they’d waited longer to introduce that.
Speaking of character relationships: Basically all of the side characters felt solely defined by their relationships to either the murdered boy Billy, or Sam. While I get that no character in a first-person POV novel is going to have nearly as much characterization as the MC, it still made the cast feel shallow at times. (Also! This isn’t even that related, but I don’t know where else to put this: I did not like Sam mentioning emojis in their dialogue. I don’t know if it was put in there as a means of expressing their less serious reactions/emotions when they’re not sure the exact cues on how to react with their body, but just saying stuff like “blush emoji” felt..dated and a little cringy, lol.)
Secondly, the mystery felt very repetitive. The AMOUNT OF TIMES I read Sam and/or Shep be like “we need to find out what happened with Billy!!” “this threat has to be because they don’t want us to know about Billy!!”. The same two facts about Billy liking David Bowie’s music(I KNOW HE DRESSED UP AS JARETH YOU HAVE SAID THAT THRICE). Sam smells popcorn *AGAIN*. Sam can feel Billy’s voice in their head *AGAIN*. Like, every time Sam and Shep were so insistent that they were getting somewhere in their investigation, my only thought was: okay, where?!?! What else do we know, you just keep bringing up how his death obviously wasn’t a “tragic accident” even though everyone keeps regurgitating those robotic words that it was, he died from some peanut product in his food, and it was in the house Sam moved into. You’re not getting any juicy details, just looking through photos for people he knew. (And..getting weird ghost dreams?!) Which, sure, that could be used to build up a suspect list..but Sam wasn’t even getting any primary sources like diary entries until THERE WAS LESS THAN 100 PAGES LEFT!!!
What the hell WERE the ghost dreams for, anyways? We don’t ever get a real answer to that. Sam’s just..psychic, and Shep is to a degree, and nobody else is for god knows what reason. All we get is a hint that anyone in the bedroom for a certain period of time starts to smell the popcorn scent, so is that implying that Sam had that BECAUSE they were in the bedroom for the longest period of time?? What about Shep, she had some sort of intuition even before that so that explanation would fall flat. Couldn’t there at least be some symbolic thing tied into how they felt close to death after the Montana incident?! If there’s subtext I missed let me know, I guess. But I was expecting more of a paranormal plot to it, considering just how relevant the ghost memories and partial possession were. It leaned more contemporary instead, which I should’ve expected from the synopsis, but left a lot of unanswered questions.
I really wanted to love this book, beginning to end of my reading experience. I was weary from the first few pages, then I eased in, and adored it by page 100. But as soon as the romance was introduced, it started to lose me. I do, however, understand people who *do* love this book. There’s a lot of things to love about it—the progression at the beginning is very good, the diversity in the cast is written with care, and Sam’s character development is mostly compelling. (There is a reason why I didn’t give this a super low rating.) Please don’t let this review steer you away from reading it, if it’s on your radar! But…if you don’t like Steven Universe, you might want to pass on this one because there are a LOT of those references in the first 40% or so of the book.
February 2, 2022
Thank you to Netgalley for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review! :)
This is the best book I've read in a while. Honestly, it reminded me of why I love books in the first place. Not once while reading this book did I check how many pages I had read and how many I had left. So first of all: thank you to Maya MacGregor for this beautiful book. I hadn't read YA for a while but this made me want to read more YA again.
I think this book has so so many strong points: the characters were beautifully and authentically written, I felt like I knew them very well. You can't help but feel so much love for every single one of them.
The suspense building in this story is also really great, you're getting all these bits of information and cannot wait to figure out what all of it means.
I loved the family and the found family aspects so so much, I cannot believe how much I actually care about these characters.
This story definitely has very sad parts (so check out content warnings!!) and it's difficult to get these kind of stories right while also making sure it doesn't take a toll on the plot, but this was delivered greatly.
I 100% will re-read this when it comes out in May 2022.
This is the best book I've read in a while. Honestly, it reminded me of why I love books in the first place. Not once while reading this book did I check how many pages I had read and how many I had left. So first of all: thank you to Maya MacGregor for this beautiful book. I hadn't read YA for a while but this made me want to read more YA again.
I think this book has so so many strong points: the characters were beautifully and authentically written, I felt like I knew them very well. You can't help but feel so much love for every single one of them.
The suspense building in this story is also really great, you're getting all these bits of information and cannot wait to figure out what all of it means.
I loved the family and the found family aspects so so much, I cannot believe how much I actually care about these characters.
This story definitely has very sad parts (so check out content warnings!!) and it's difficult to get these kind of stories right while also making sure it doesn't take a toll on the plot, but this was delivered greatly.
I 100% will re-read this when it comes out in May 2022.
September 22, 2023
4,5/5
O kurde
O kurde
August 29, 2022
“‘What is it you want, Sam Sylvester? …More than anything, what do you want?'
…‘I want to live,’ I say.”
3.8 stars
Content warnings:
First of all can we just appreciate this gorgeous cover? I think it's one of the most beautiful covers I've seen in a while, and I love that it shows Sam's tattoos, especially as they get mentioned a few times during the book.
The colours and vibrancy of the cover also convey nicely MacGregor's vivid and often refreshingly original visual and sensory imagery. I really felt immersed in Sam's story and how they experience the world as a non-binary and autistic young person on the ace spectrum. It's a beautifully colourful story not just in setting - Shep's (Sam's new neighbour) room gave me major decor envy! - but also the variety of characters. I loved seeing Sam form their first friendships with other LGBTQ+ people IRL!
At times though, some scenes were slightly difficult for me to visualise action-wise, but this was really only the very small/mundane actions. These were things such as a hand knocking into a desk, or why Person A would say Person B was sneaking up on them when the scene seemed to have them both fully facing each other. The key action scenes were actually very easy and dynamic to read! There were also a few non-action-related phrases that were worded a little confusingly, but most of it was easy to read - at least in terms of words.
There is some pretty heavy content in this book, more than a few social issues addressed and the threats Sam experiences are really quite disturbing. However, this darkness was offset by the warmth and safety of Sam’s absolutely wonderful dad (who's also on the ace spectrum!) and the bond that they share. This was definitely the standout relationship in the book for me! It was also quite a comfort to read about the school's LGBTQ+ club, and the new friends Sam makes and seeing how they support each other. I also enjoyed seeing how some of the teachers really do seem to care about their LGBTQ+ students' welfare. Unfortunately, the romance subplot lacked chemistry in comparison to the other relationships and felt unnecessary. I don't think the book would have been fundamentally changed in any way if the romance had been left out, and I think I might have actually enjoyed it more if it had just focused on the other relationships.
The mystery element was engaging, not just with the shadiness surrounding the 1980s ‘tragic accident’ (murder?), but also with the slow revelations about what happened to Sam in their old town. There’s also some paranormal elements that lend new information in a very intriguing (and sometimes unsettling) way. I didn’t guess the Big Bad either! That said, I did have a few questions remaining at the end regarding the 'whodunnits' - there are several smaller mysteries feeding into the big one, which is why it was so interesting - and one of the supporting characters seemed so suspicious throughout (if you've read this, let me know in the comments who you suspected!)...but I guess I'll never know.
(Unless...sequel?)
This was a great YA debut with a strong voice, a compelling lead with important life experiences to share (and an absolutely amazing sense of style, wow) plus a shady mystery that kept me turning the pages. I'll definitely be checking out MacGregor's other work - I believe their next YA book is 'The Evolving Truth of Ever-Stronger Will', which a) amazing title and b) might be about a character called Will? and c) makes me excited for when the blurb is revealed!
Thank you to Astra Books for a copy for an honest review.
November 16, 2024
Reseña completa en el blog letras, Libros y Más próximamente
No sé muy bien que esperaba pero aunque el libro me ha mantenido pegada a sus páginas por el misterio también me ha decepcionado y dejado fría. Y es una lástima porque tiene un montón de cosas chulas, tal vez no ha sido el mejor momento para leerlo o no es para mí.
En fin, la edición está muy bonita y cuidada, la portada es llamativa, los comienzos de capítulos tienen ilustraciones y hay mensajes, notas y demás cosillas que amenizan la historia. La trama va hilándose poco a poco, nos pone en situación, nos presenta a los personajes y va dejando caer cosas para que tú vayas atando cabos a la vez que los personajes. El ritmo es un poco pausado, pero es llevadero, tiene las descripciones y diálogos justos y la pluma del autore es ligera e intensa.
Es un libro juvenil de misterio con un toquecito paranormal, tiene representación de todo tipo y diversidad además de un mensaje para que el lector reflexione. Por esa parte me ha gustado mucho, que sea diferente a las típicas novelas juveniles, que invite a la reflexión y tenga personajes LGTBI. Pero la trama se me ha quedado un poco corta y me ha faltado más “chispa” algo que me hiciera desear coger el libro, pensar en él en todo momento o me emocionara, pero solo me ha atrapado por el misterio y cuando se ha resuelto tampoco me ha terminado de convencer.
Un libro juvenil repleto de misterio, representación y diversidad.
No sé muy bien que esperaba pero aunque el libro me ha mantenido pegada a sus páginas por el misterio también me ha decepcionado y dejado fría. Y es una lástima porque tiene un montón de cosas chulas, tal vez no ha sido el mejor momento para leerlo o no es para mí.
En fin, la edición está muy bonita y cuidada, la portada es llamativa, los comienzos de capítulos tienen ilustraciones y hay mensajes, notas y demás cosillas que amenizan la historia. La trama va hilándose poco a poco, nos pone en situación, nos presenta a los personajes y va dejando caer cosas para que tú vayas atando cabos a la vez que los personajes. El ritmo es un poco pausado, pero es llevadero, tiene las descripciones y diálogos justos y la pluma del autore es ligera e intensa.
Es un libro juvenil de misterio con un toquecito paranormal, tiene representación de todo tipo y diversidad además de un mensaje para que el lector reflexione. Por esa parte me ha gustado mucho, que sea diferente a las típicas novelas juveniles, que invite a la reflexión y tenga personajes LGTBI. Pero la trama se me ha quedado un poco corta y me ha faltado más “chispa” algo que me hiciera desear coger el libro, pensar en él en todo momento o me emocionara, pero solo me ha atrapado por el misterio y cuando se ha resuelto tampoco me ha terminado de convencer.
Un libro juvenil repleto de misterio, representación y diversidad.
September 3, 2022
This book felt oddly comforting despite the heavy topics covered. I loved the storyline and the characters. The merging of genres added to it as well and made for a fantastic book.
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