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392 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2022
I empower my patients by letting them know they are eligible for an assisted death. This doesn’t mean they have to do it, and it doesn’t mean they will. It means they can proceed if they ever feel the need to, and the result is a reduction in suffering. How do I feel when I do this work? As if I have been a part of something profound. As if I have had the privilege of helping someone in need.
A birth plan, a death plan. It struck a deep chord. This was the first time I made the connection between my skills in maternity care and the skills required to provide a good death. Both situations involved intense emotional experiences and carried a strong sense of the event’s significance. Both called up complex family dynamics and required a patient-centered approach to care. Perhaps my expertise would be transferable after all. Perhaps I was not as inexperienced as I felt.
In my mother, I saw the seed of my own emotional fortitude. I’d had a turbulent childhood at times, and I’d learned at an early age to protect myself by building some emotional armor, some emotional walls to help keep the intensity at bay. Although this coping mechanism had not always been helpful in my personal relationships — making me more cautious about becoming vulnerable — it was perhaps due to this inner toughness modeled on my mother, and the lessons in protecting myself from difficult feelings, that I was able to compartmentalize my life, such that I could do my MAiD work and not be wrecked or overwhelmed by it.