You'll Leave This World With Your Butt Sewn Shut: And Other Little-Known Secrets, Shocking Facts, and Amusing Trivia about Death and Dying

by Robyn Grimm

An irreverent book of morbid curiosities that leaves no headstone unturned.

This isn’t your average walk through the graveyard. Filled with facts that will tickle your gray matter, You’ll Leave This World with Your Butt Sewn Shut provides answers to all the questions about death that you’ve ever wanted to ask (and more than a few you never thought to). You’ll learn how to avoid incendiary pacemakers and exploding caskets, why Victorians ate mummies and Napoleon artfully arranged skulls, and what morticians do to give you a rosy glow without blood flow.

- Is your hamster, cat, or dog most likely to be first in line at the dead-body buffet? The answer may surprise you!
- Why did people start booby-trapping graves after the Civil War? Hint: It’s not vampire related.
- What’s your best shot at becoming a tree after you die? If you said cremation, you may want to sit down for Chapter 5.

But have no fear—this no-holds-barred account of the end that awaits us all is delivered with a smile and a wink. Death always wins, but laughter is a nice consolation prize.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Adult

256 pages, Paperback

Published April 2, 2024

Reviews

[Will Byrnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes death can be funny. Monty Python’s Parrot Sketch tops that list, even though there are no dead humans involved. (I wish to register a complaint.) There have been many books that use death as a satiric source, particularly dark examinations of the death industry. The Loved One, both book and film, offers a lovely example. There are only a gazillion novels written about death--Benediction by Kent Haruf pops to mind--and a matching number of serious non-fiction treatments. Being Mortal provides a real-world look at impending end-of-life and ways to prepare. As you might suspect, You’ll Leave This World With Your Butt Sewn Shut is not among these.

There are books that teach us about how death is treated in the world today. Stiff pops to mind, adding Mary Roach’s side-splitting humor to a pop-science exploration. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes gives us another, the autobiography of a mortician with a pixie-ish sense of humor. The book under review here is of that sort. But while those books offer chapter-by-chapter exposition, this one offers a mass of trivia details, three-to-four to a page. Sure, it is arranged in six chapters, organizing like materials together. But really, it is a compendium of factoids, prime material for trivia

Did you know, for example, that a taphophile is a person with a passion for all things funereal, including cemetery, historical deaths, epitaph, and grave stone rubber. I probably qualify to some degree. Death holds no particular fascination. I am not into making tombstone rubbings, or skulking about in the usual places of the dead for morbid purposes. But I do find it fascinating learning the details of decay. Admittedly more so for my appreciation of the CSI aspects of them all than for some suspicious fixation. I enjoy these things, always have, and the snarky humor that pervades.

But I am no stranger to actual death and mortal concerns. By the time my father was my age, for example, he’d been dead for over four years. Tick tock. I survived a heart attack earlier this year, so have gotten up close and personal with mortality. Yet, while I do take death, my own and that of others, seriously I still retain a dark sense of humor about it all. My favorite Broadway musical of all time, for example, and tastiest, remains Sweeney Todd.

Did you know that a decaying body is not necessarily good plant food? Because of bodily products let loose and/or created in the area around the late plantee, the surrounding soil can look like fertilizer burn?

I am not particularly afraid of death, nor am I particularly eager to pass on, considering the disruption such an event could create for those left behind. (Please do not nail me to a perch) I do not believe there is a heaven or a hell. (That bucket is nicely tucked away in a corner, out of kicking range. ) But I do cleave slightly to the possibility of some conscious continuation beyond. (Just please, please don’t let it be eternity re-REMming my miserable dreams.) My cardiac crisis resulted in no out of body experiences, no tunnel vision, no life history flashing before my eyes. No Clarence looking to gain some angelic wings with an offer of assistance. No foxhole conversions. Nope, it was more like having a chicken bone stuck near the bottom of my throat, along with a remarkable fatigue.

Did you know that there have been 63 cases of Lazarus syndrome since the term was coined in 1982? That’s where a person’s blood spontaneously begins to recirculate after cardiac arrest— or, simply put, medically, dead come back to life? Better guard your brains. There are a ton of these things in this book, well 800 or so.

There are several repeating features in the book
Gory Details (You don’t want to know)
Dumb Ways to Die – clearly a subset of Darwin Award winners
Wonderful quotes are featured in headstones. My personal favorite is by Steven Wright - When I die, I’m leaving my body to Science Fiction.

Back to my actual close encounter - Dash off to the ER, get a quick diagnosis, get stabilized, then get shipped off to the big hospital in my general neighborhood. Thankfully, there was no need for me to be subjected to a four-thousand-volt voom. He’s not stunned, he’s restin’. Well, for a while, at least. A week later I gained some new second-hand stents and a porcine (original) aortal valve. My relative lack of movement could indeed be due to bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

There are diverse ways in which death is handled around the world. Some are lightly touched on--open-air removal in India is a particularly unusual rite--but the focus is primarily on American, and to a lesser extent, UK practices.

I was unable to focus well for a few months. (joined the bleedin' choir invisible!) Well, a bit faded, anyway. But not once during all this did I really feel like or fear that I was on the verge of death. (Denial?) That said, the nearest I felt to facing my earthly end was the unspeakable food served at the hospital. Delivered to my room like clockwork, it was clearly prepared in the basement by captive trolls, who added sundry bodily products as condiments. It reached the point where I would gag when the trays appeared, simply refusing to eat any of them, and begging the nurses for whatever might be tucked away in the local fridge, regardless of mold content. 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! No, not passed on, but passin’ on the awful grub and pinin’ for something edible.

Did you know that cosmic tunnels could actually just be tunnel vision from reduced blood flow to the eyes or that “rigor” is only one form of “mortis,“ and it is not even the final one?

I did my best to irritate the staff, well, not intentionally. Almost all of them were lovely. Nurse, what's this for? What about that? What does this pill do, that one? When can you take out these tubes? Was that incision made with a fork? I would not say it was a pleasant experience for me, given the hospital's manic, relentless need to wake patients up for tests real and imaginary, or for the staff, given my ongoing demands for information, but we all managed to get out of it alive, somehow. (I presume, not having checked the obits.)

Did you know that there are individuals [who] believe they are already dead, do not exist, or have lost their vital organs? But since they’re still walking around in the world, and cognitive dissonance is a powerful thing, they also believe themselves to be immortal.

There are hundreds of these things, literally hundreds of bits of funereal trivia, to simulate your brain, your curiosity, or your funny bone. I rarely went more than a few pages without laughing out loud. The bit-by-bit-ness of the entire book makes it an easy one to pop into and out of when one’s interest wanes and waxes (There really is a thing called “body wax.” It’s gross.) There is much to enjoy in You’ll Leave This World With Your Butt Sewn Shut. (Truthfully, only some of us will be so upholstered). If you share my sense of humor, you will enjoy this one, even if it’s not the last thing you do.

'E's shuffled off 'is mortal coil - well, shuffled, sure, but I expect to keep shuffling on this mortal coil for a good long time to come. I choose to focus on The Bright Side of Life, which includes quite enjoying lots of odd bits about death and dying. And I will keep on with that. When it is finally my time to go, I would much prefer to die laughing.

Review posted - 9/13/24

Publication date – 4/2/24

I received an ARE of You’ll Leave This World with Your Butt Sewn Shut from Castle Point Books in return for a fair review, and not expiring before I’d had a chance to write one, not a certainty. My recent adventure added three months to my existing two-month backlog, that one the result of someone else’s medical misadventure. Thanks for your patience, folks.



This review will soon be cross-posted on my site, Coot’s Reviews. Stop by and say Hi!

=============================EXTRA STUFF

Author links? – None that I was able to locate. Perhaps the author is a nom de plume, or has already, you know…

Profile - from Macmillan
Robyn Grimm is a freelance writer obsessed with learning as much as possible about this strange world we live in. Her small patch of it is in New Jersey, where she reads, writes, and bakes surrounded by her loving and hilarious family, both human and furry.

Books of Interest - Fiction
-----Benediction by Kent Haruf
-----As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
-----The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh

Books of Interest- Non-fiction
-----Stiff by Mary Roach
-----Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty
-----Being Mortal by Atul Gawande

Items of Interest
-----Monty Python’s Flying Circus - Parrot Sketch
-----Wikipedia - Sweeney Todd
-----The Telegraph - Tombstone rubbings
-----Wikipedia - It's a Wonderful Life
-----Wikipedia - Lazarus

Songs/Music
-----The Bright Side of Life

[Fred Forbes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Browsing in a Barnes and Noble (who, me?!) and I came across this book. Scanned it and it seemed interesting but I knew I could not put a book with this title out on my coffee table so when I arrived home, I downloaded it to my kindle.

Granted, in places one needs a strong stomach to get through this material but much of it is, as promised in the title, "amusing trivia. Still, not pleasant to contemplate many of the issues, either as a participant or an observer.

But, well written, moves along, and contains a lot of interesting material. Chapter on the death industry and modern trends in disposal made for interesting reading.

[Grayce · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fun read!! I loved the illustrations throughout the entire book - it was well thought out and eye catching. I surprisingly learned a lot from this book too. A quick, easy and funny read.

[Echo · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." - Woody Allen
Does cremation actually involve lighting a body on fire? How does it work to compost a body? Does burying a body under a tree actually help it? Are cremains actually ashes? Has anyone actually died from drinking too many energy drinks? How do bodies stay in such nice positions at open-casket funerals? You'll learn all these answers and more if you read Robyn Grimm's book You'll Leave This World With Your Butt Sewn Shut.

"Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it." - W. Somerset Maugham
From its humorous title to Dumb Ways To Die (sections about ways people have died... such as by taking risky selfies), this book uses dark humour and matter-of-fact speech to teach you everything you could ever want to know -- or, in some cases, not know -- about death. Death can be a difficult subject to discuss with anyone, especially family members, but the humour Grimm employs in her writing makes learning about death much easier; while death is, of course, a sad subject, laughter can generally make it much easier to handle.

Do you like true crime? Have you ever wondered how many unidentified bodies turn up each year? If you have questions about whether people can really spontaneously come back to life or whether near-death experiences actually exist, the first chapter might fill in the blanks in your knowledge: "The Dirt on Dying" talks all about the thousands of unidentified bodies found yearly, CPR, common last words, Cotard's Syndrome, and the stages of death.

Chapter 2, "A Brief History of Death" might appeal to those people who wonder why exactly Victorians used to eat mummies and think about the thousands of dead bodies buried beneath Italy with a sort of bemused interest. Whether you're fascinated by the Catacombs, think funeral pyres have completely gone out of fashion, or just wonder about how people managed their deaths in history, you'll probably appreciate reading Grimm's "Brief History of Death".

In addition to appealing to fans of dark humour, this book will appeal to people who are interested in not only death but also the work of morticians. Grimm explains each step of the job of a mortician, from applying makeup to cutting ligaments to even using fillers. If you've ever been curious about what a mortician actually does, or how a body can look mostly normal in a casket, Chapter 3, The Magic of Morticians, will certainly be of interest!

How about methods of dying? For example, loud sounds, water toxicity, and chronic sleep deprivation. Sure, you'll die at some point, but do you really want to take the difficult way out? The chapter "The March to the Grave" is all about ways people can and do die, also providing statistics and science for the more logical minds out there. What are your chance of dying by drinking too much water? Probably next to none, but you might want to stay away from that water drinking competition -- your sodium will deplete and your cells will swell up; it's not a pleasant way to go.

You've probably wondered why so many people are buried... and, while on that topic, whether bodies have to buried at all. There must be other methods than plain old burial, right? You'd be right, as you'll learn in Chapter Five, "Dead and Buried (or Burned)". Whether you choose to be buried, burned, composted, or aquamated, you can learn all about it in this chapter.

And finally, my dear meat sacks who are interested in how much money changes hands at a death, you'll find your questions answered in the final chapter: "The Business of Death." From forensics to funerals, body farms to pharmaceuticals, you can learn American laws, pricing, and oversight in the business of dying and deathcare. Who knew you could get away with such a fat pay check after someone died?

Oh, and of course: Last words aren't limited to one chapter; they appear all throughout the book. For example:

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" - Union general John Sedgwick who was cut off mid-sentence when he was shot and killed

I can't recommend this book more people who are interested in all things dark and dreary. Death is a fascinating and funny affair, especially when it's being read about in this book. This was an easy five stars.
- Echo (they/he/it)

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

As soon as I saw this new book, I was dying to read it as I am a huge fan of this topic. It was a fun and quick read with an entertaining (and sometimes snarky) writing style and sidebars of fascinating trivia (Dumb Ways to Die and Gory Details were intriguing and sometimes hilarious) along with fun illustrations. As much as I enjoyed this book, I ended up skimming some of it as having read Mary Roach's "Stiff" and all of Caitlin Doughty's books (especially "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"), much of it was repeated facts. However, this is a perfect book for that teen in your life (or even pre-teen if their reading and topic interest is advanced), as I think they would love it. Come on, how can a teen resist this title by an author named Grimm?

I give this book 3.5 stars for my reading experience but 4-5 stars for those with a strong stomachs who are not familiar with the very gory details of death.

[Shanereads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book! Trigger warning: it obviously a little macabre. However, I was nervous this one would be a little too dark, and it was surprisingly enjoyable and informative.

This is a very short micro-history on death, grieving, and undertaking. You could very easily read this in one sitting. Also, the graphic design and illustration of this book is very enjoyable.

Booksellers, this would be a great hand sell for readers who enjoy all micro histories, but ecspecially books like Stiff and Written in Bone.

This finished copy was provided by the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review. Huge thanks to Castle Point Books for my finished copy!

[Mammu · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book full of facts about death, dying, and the business of death and dying! I absolutely loved it! I learned a lot of facts and trivia I wouldn't have learned otherwise--or might've learned if I had read a boring technical scientific, or even medical, tome. This book is perfect reading for Halloween! I wouldn't recommend it to kids in middle school and below, though, because I'm not sure how some of the gore and gruesome deaths and medical facts will be received, incldg the business aspects and other accoutrements of funeral homes (which may be boring for some).

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a surprisingly light and funny trivia book about death and dying. It is filled with interesting information about death, dying, burial, and the death industry. It also has funny quotes about death and strange ways people have died throughout history on almost every page that kept the vibes of the book light and interesting.

Thank you to St. Martin's Press for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

[Ava · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fun book. Grimm guides viewers through gory trivia with funny graphics and a sardonic edge. The only reason this was not a 5 star book was because it lacked a conclusion entirely, making the ending feel abrupt, though all of the information was fascinating. Through quotes, facts, and stats, Grimm successfully paints a compassionate and incredulous view of death and dying in a modern and historical multicultural context

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trivia about death and dying is exactly what you're getting reading this book and it's fantastically rich with details.

The layout is eye-catching and adds to the collection of facts that it imparts in sections related to graves, morticians, and ways people have died. There are quotes peppered in with two recurring elements including "gory details" and "dumb ways to die".

It was an entertaining way to pass the time and I learned a few things!

[John Mutford · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting factoid book with an engaging, often humourous tone in the vein of Bathroom Readers. Ironically though it ends rather abruptly. Would have been nice to have had a bibliography or footnotes to source the info.

[Kasey Thorne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a quick read, and somewhat interesting but some of it wasn't (like composting a body). It also came off as repetitive in parts.

I did love the illustrations and comical blurbs.

[Pam Carraway · Rating 4 out of 5]

All things related to death. Pretty interesting.

[Cindy Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

informational and useful in my writing

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're morbidly curious about what happens after you die, read this. If you have a weak stomach, maybe pass on it.

[Betanicole]

My only problem is there were no sources and there were several things that I really wanted to know more about! I mean, I suppose I could try googling....if I wanted to do things the easy way.

[Shandi York · Rating 5 out of 5]

I took my time with 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗹𝗹 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗕𝘂𝘁𝘁 𝗦𝗲𝘄𝗻 𝗦𝗵𝘂𝘁 because it was so much fun to read and I didn't want to rush over anything. Even though I read books like this all the time, I still learned a few new facts and trivia surrounding death and I think that if you're intrigued by morbid things like me, you'll enjoy this one. 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗹𝗹 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗕𝘂𝘁𝘁 𝗦𝗲𝘄𝗻 𝗦𝗵𝘂𝘁 published earlier this month. Thanks to @castlepointbooks and @stmartinspress for my gifted copy! 🖤

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of interesting trivia make up a fairly comprehensive review of death as both a natural process and a business! Would pair well with "Stiff" for an older reader, or "Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?" for a younger one.