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144 pages, Hardcover
Published January 9, 2024
For a long time, Caroline thought that she was the single woman in that film who pours yesterday's cold coffee into her cup, stubs out her cigarette on the carpet, and is thwarted and betrayed by the man with whom she is in love, a mophead -- it's 1971 -- who makes light-filled glass sculptures and who also loves an older man who has a surgery in Harley Street. But she is wrong. In the film, the mophead betrays both his lovers, but she has not been betrayed, because in her own life nothing has been kept from her: she simply wants something that is not there, but she thinks if she keeps wanting it, her desire will be like water on stone, things will change. A form of magical thinking, making something of nothing. Caroline knows and does not know this. But she is in hiding under the mask of the woman who stubs out her cigarette, because she is also the man who makes glass sculptures which fill at dusk with blue light, a person who loves two or even three people at once. (Or, she used to be that person. Now she is not.)
She has not been betrayed, because in her own life nothing has been kept from her: she simply wants something that is not there, which she has been told is not there, but she thinks if she keeps wanting it, her desire will be like water on a stone, things will change.