Loving Me After We: The Essential Guide to Healing, Growing, and Thriving After a Toxic Relationship

by Ginger Dean

For fans of How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera and The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban, Loving Me After We is the book that will teach you how to love yourself after you've lost yourself in a toxic relationship, and embody confidence, emotional security, and self-love.

A breakup can feel like the end of the world―but what if could serve as the start of a better you?

In our search for love, affection, and acceptance, we often find ourselves repeating old patterns with new partners. Our brains seek familiar touch points as a way of navigating the unpredictability of our lives, but this means we can find ourselves reentering relationships with the same toxic dynamics. Toxic relationships are especially hard to recover from, especially when they uncovered some of our earliest and deepest traumas. When we leave them, we often find ourselves nursing a broken heart, again and again.

Even Ginger Dean, a celebrated psychotherapist, found herself stuck in this cycle, but something eventually Heartbreak didn’t have to be a foregone conclusion. Heartbreak can bring us back home to ourselves, not only in our romantic relationships, but in every area of our lives. Once we start healing our hearts, other aspects of our lives open up to bloom.

Through personal anecdotes, practical guidance, and a little bit of tough love, Ginger brings her wisdom and empathy to any reader who is ready to join the revolution of women healing their hearts so they can start the best love affair they’ve ever known―with themselves. Loving ourselves, healing our emotional wounds, setting boundaries, breaking trauma bonds, and doing the necessary healing work after a toxic relationship is a radical decision in today's society. We become savage self-lovers. We are loving me after we.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Audiobook

304 pages, Hardcover

Published July 16, 2024

Reviews

[Hellerzilla · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this while bed rotting and wearing my halloween wig, do with that what you will, but it felt good 😅🥲 am I healed? i would say so...

[Karen Ng · Rating 4 out of 5]

A 4.5 star read

I have read a lot of psychology books, along with recovery from toxic relationship books due to personal interest. My opion about these books is that even though a personal experience is useful, professional encounters/case studies are better in the making of this kind of books. The author is a therspist as well as married a psychopath in her 20’s. What I loved about this book is how it is also useful for any regular breakups, not just the ones from toxic relationships. I loved the author’s recommendations in refinding and learning to love oneself, as well as coping strategies when feeling lonely and rejected:
Mindfulness Mediations
Establishing Boundaries
Seeking Therapy
Journaling
Reading the book is like talking to a real life therapist who offers you an effective roadmap to recover from a heartbreak. I highly recommend the book.

[Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great tool! Amazingly written and laid out. I would recommend this book to anyone who is on recovery journey.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Profound Guide to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

In a genre often saturated with superficial advice and pop psychology platitudes, this book stands as a beacon of authentic, transformative wisdom. What sets it apart is Ginger's remarkable ability to cut through the typical narrative of simply identifying narcissistic behavior, instead diving deep into the crucial questions of why victims struggle to break free and how they can genuinely heal.

The author's expertise shines through every page, clearly stemming from both professional knowledge and lived experience. By courageously sharing her own journey through childhood abuse and challenging adult relationships, Ginger creates an immediate connection with readers.

Her personal narrative transforms clinical insights into relatable, actionable guidance.
This isn't a book that coddles its readers or offers quick fixes. Instead, it provides the essential, sometimes difficult truths necessary for real healing. While many books in this space focus exclusively on describing narcissistic behavior patterns, this work breaks new ground by addressing the deeper psychological attachments that make leaving and recovery so challenging.

For those who have grown weary of surface-level self-help books and are ready to embrace genuine transformation, this book offers the substantive guidance needed to navigate the complex journey of healing from narcissistic abuse. It's an invaluable resource for anyone seeking not just understanding, but true freedom and recovery.

[Rachael Hamilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came into my life right when I needed it, or perhaps I was drawn to it at the time I needed it most. I recently went through a break-up and it took me a long time to realize how toxic and manipulated he was during the time we were together. It also took me months to realize that I was pretty much scammed, not for money, but for attention, affection, and love.

Though I do like myself as a person, this book helped me to start shifting my perspective back to loving myself and stop blaming myself for the bad behavior of others. It felt as though it was the end of the world or a bad car accident where I didn't understand what had happened and yet I kept blaming myself for the other person running the red light.

I wanted to be loved and accepted and this book and Ms. Dean brought some personal stories to the table to help me feel less alone in my struggles while also sharing a bit of tough love but not in a mean way. I do not support the idea that trauma makes us stronger; I think trauma gives us mental issues, self doubt, and a host of other issues we try to hide from others. However, sometimes, we get better at setting boundaries, and doing necessary work with growing within ourselves and I know, I personally, am more independent and caring when it comes to helping others work through their trauma.

It was such a great audio book and it resonated well with me. I will be going out and picking up the physical book when it comes out so I can tab all of my favorite parts when I am going through tough moments again in the future.

[FS Meurinne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a powerful guide to healing after a toxic relationship. More than just a breakup book, it’s a self-love manifesto, helping listeners break free from old patterns, set boundaries, and rebuild confidence. Dean’s no-nonsense yet empathetic approach resonates deeply, offering practical tools for emotional recovery. Her narration adds authenticity, making the advice feel personal and empowering. This audiobook isn’t just about moving on, it’s about rediscovering yourself and thriving. If you’ve ever felt lost in love or struggled with self-worth, this is a must-listen. It’s insightful, actionable, and truly life-changing. Highly recommend for anyone ready to start the best relationship of all, the one with yourself.

[SK Cothren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is easy to read, honest, helpful and encouraging. It puts more tools in our toolbelt to have more happy, healthy relationships of all kinds. Most of us were not taught how to have a good relationship, myself included. In fact, most of my role models showed me more of "what not to do" which bred a lot of dysfunctional relationships, both friendships and partnerships. Learning how to untangle from those painful, toxic relationships has not been easy. I think it may have been easier if I had books like this way back when! Thankfully, although I learned the hard way, this book helped me see how far I have come.

[Almeja Bajar · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐⭐⭐.80 /5

I've been to a toxic relationship, that's probably what led me read this. It's a helpful book though it's a bit late to read this since I've ended the relationship 2 years ago, so seems like helpful for me now.

"Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, something that should be avoided. But in truth, vulnerability is one of the most powerful tools we have for deepening our connection with others."

[Tamela Gordon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for the advanced readers copy of the audio version of this book. A must-read for anyone getting out of a breakup, navigating the dating scene, or serious about self-development. So much great insight and breakdowns of various attachment modes and behaviors. I’m telling all my friends to read this one!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will need to re-listen to this book to journal with my bookmarks. I don't have the experience of a "we" yet, but doing research ahead of time to avoid the wounds described in this book. I'm working on loving me before the we so I don't lose myself. Knowing the unhealthy patterns will hopefully help me avoid them.

[Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been wanting and waiting to read this book. I knew I would love it and I knew I would take away so much from this book. I’m a fan of Ginger Dean and her work. This was a great read, I will be reading this book again.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is well suited for someone who has completely lost themselves in an abusive relationship. Five stars for that girl, three for me, who would never define myself by the way someone else treats me.

[Jayme Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a fantastic read. It came into my life at just the right time.

[Jeannette Iglesias · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks for this beautiful ARC. 🙏🏻

[koides · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went through 3 different highlighters on this book. Very informative although I will say towards the end of the book it felt very repetitive.

[Ashley Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is a guide, but to follow the actual practices you probably need more time to dive deep into it than the length of this book…

[Madelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting information. Would listen again to glean more.

[Taniesha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some helpful tips!

[Jennifer Y · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really great info in here!! It really opens your eyes! I resonated with this book a lot and it explained some things that I hadn’t thought of in years, but made complete sense. From parents, to past boyfriends, to ways I used to hide my emotions and feelings.

Thank you to the author and NetGalley for this ARC

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good advice, but some of the examples that were used were corny. Gets kind of repetitive near the end.

I did like the feeling of independence I gained after finishing this book. It definitely was a stepping stone in my healing journey, and the advice is helpful even in situations not involving leaving a toxic relationship.

[Claire May · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this because I need some help and it was very helpful! Not everything applied to me the but the way she lays out information is very easy to follow and I genuinely feel like I have learned a lot about myself!

90/100

[Jessica Amin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book for the simple fact that it wasn't just a lot of fluff. The author gave personal instances that applied to the things she herself learned and easy to follow steps to begin the process in healing and application required of self-soothing techniques. I became aware of this author via her Instagram and her book did not disappoint. 10/10!