You'll Do: A History of Marrying for Reasons Other Than Love

by Marcia A. Zug

An illuminating and thought-provoking examination of the uniquely American institution of marriage, from the Colonial era through the #MeToo age

Perfect for fans of Rebecca Solnit and Rebecca Traister

Americans hold marriage in such high esteem that we push people toward it, reward them for taking part in it, and fetishize its benefits to the point that we routinely ignore or excuse bad behavior and societal ills in the name of protecting and promoting it.

In eras of slavery and segregation, Blacks sometimes gained white legal status through marriage.

Laws have been designed to encourage people to marry so that certain societal benefits could be the population would increase, women would have financial security, children would be cared for, and immigrants would have familial connections.

  As late as the Great Depression, poor young women were encouraged to marry aged Civil War veterans for lifetime pensions.

The widely overlooked problem with this tradition is that individuals and society have relied on marriage to address or dismiss a range of injustices and inequities, from gender- and race-based discrimination, sexual violence, and predation to unequal financial treatment.

  One of the most persuasive arguments against women's right to vote was that marrying and influencing their husband's choices was just as meaningful, if not better.

Through revealing storytelling, Zug builds a compelling case that when marriage is touted as “the solution” to such problems, it absolves the government, and society, of the responsibility for directly addressing them.

Genres: Nonfiction, History, Audiobook, Feminism, Sociology, Politics, American History

329 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 9, 2024

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to NETGALLEY and Steerforth for access to this title. All opinions expressed are my own.

A non fiction read for my last day of January. Marcia A.Zug presents a throughly crafted examination of marriage laws and court cases in the history of the United States from the 18th century to the present day. Illustrations and detailed citations accompany the themes written below.

The chapters included in this book are

1. The Marital Bargain

2. The Government Loves a Gold Digger

3. The Power Couple: Marrying for Status and Power

4.The Marriage Defense

5. The Married Parent

6.Marrying for Money Part Deux


Aside from being interested in the content, my reaction to this book is that sometimes it was hard to stomach the facts. This book could also have been subtitled "What lawmakers have put people through and how they barely survived."


Publication Date 09/01/24
Goodreads review published 01/02/24

#YoullDo #NetGalley.

[Pooja Peravali · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this short history of the legalities of marriage in the United States, Zug takes us through how marriage as an institution has shifted over the centuries and how the many reasons for marrying for something other than love, such money, status, or legal benefits, played its part in that.

Coming from a culture where marriage is considered an essential step of adulthood and is still sometimes arranged by one’s parents, I never really thought much about it, or why the legal institution of marriage is conflicts with the concept of marrying for love. I had expected perhaps a breezy discussion of a series of case studies, but what I got was a more serious contemplation of the intertwining of marriage, law, and women’s rights – not what I was looking for, maybe, but something I definitely liked better.

You’ll Do is divided into chapters which discuss different reasons why people get married apart from love, such as wealth, status, or even a defense against criminal charges. The main thrust of Zug’s argument is that inequality between man and wife is inevitable due to the way marriage is currently enshrined in the law. On the other hand, her argument is not against marriage itself – far from it. But to rely on love between spouses to make sure each is treated fairly is not a viable solution, especially considering marriage for non-love reasons is still fairly common around the world.

There’s a surprising amount of information and analysis packed into a fairly slim volume, using a number of historical examples and court cases to demonstrate Zug’s points. Despite the density of information though, her clear and concise manner of writing meant I never felt lost at sea. I certainly learned a lot more about the legal side of marriage than I was expecting, as well as how the rights that married people are entitled to are still evolving to this very day.

Disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley. This is my honest and voluntary review.

[Jessica - How Jessica Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was pretty depressing. Basically “women have to marry men because being a woman has sucked for most of history”.

Coverture, the married women’s property act, welfare reform, marital r*pe, etc.

It’s not as light hearted as I expected based on the title. But it was very informative!

[Dawn · Rating 2 out of 5]

This wasn't quite what I expected. I thought it was going to be a history/narrative on all the traditions/reasons for marrying not for love (companionship, arranged, money, power, immigration status, etc.). And she did touch on those. But this book was mostly a lot of citing of legal cases and law that demonstrate that the government thinks marriage is better than not married and how the law typically sides with the married or gives you benefits for being married you don't receive as a singleton and basically thinks you are of higher moral character if you are married. I really wanted the narrative and more the tradition of those that marry not for love and less of the legal stuff.

[CJ Opal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oof, it's dark. Zug does a tremendous job of pulling together court cases and constitutional amendments to illustrate the ways in which the legal convention of marriage has changed in the United States over centuries. It's always interesting to me to see how the colonizers pieced together this shit show that is our government, and unsurprisingly a lot of marital law is deeply rooted in christianity, racism, misogyny, and capitalism. I got married young and in love, and I got incredibly lucky to have married a good man that also married for love. Marriage comes with benefits, but it's also a forfeiture of certain rights that you can never get back. I caution anyone, especially young women and other minorities, to consider the negatives before putting your life and future in the hands of someone else, and in the hands of a government that has never cared for you. This book would make a terrible and wonderful engagement present.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book sounds like it’s going to be a somewhat lighter read about non-love marriages, but some chapters left me wanting to lock myself in my car and scream. The ways in which marriage has been deliberately used to control women, protect abusers, and devalue the unmarried are appalling. I knew many of those things before this book, of course, but hearing the specific court cases illustrating the many, many times marriage was used as a tool to wrong people was enraging.

As the author points out, ending a marriage is seen as failing at some official objective and societal measure of worth. If you don’t get married at all, your relationship is seen as less real, less valuable, less worthy of respect. If you don’t even have an interest in being part of a couple, you are seen as defective and sad. Our entire society is rigged in favor of getting married and then staying no matter what, and why is that, exactly? Who does it serve? What I like about this book is its willingness to open all of those doors and ask those questions.

I was hoping for something a little more narrative, but I’m not disappointed. It was a thought-provoking read on a topic most people never question, and even if you think that getting married is the ultimate goal and epitome of the good life, I think examining why you think that is always worthwhile.

[Helen Frost · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first met my, now, husband face to face after chatting to him for several months from a distance my initial words were ‘You’ll do’ so naturally the title of this book intrigued and amused me. Glad to report we’re very happily married and not for any of the reasons mentioned within this book.
The book is a truly fascinating and eye opening delve into reasons for marrying which are not love. Obviously I’m not naive but a lot of the content was news to me and the ins and outs of the legalities were fascinating, if not a little depressing at times. As a ‘smug married’ it made for slightly voyeuristic and thank goodness this hasn’t happened to me style viewing but there was a lot of room for examination of human nature, the problems with legalities and the inequalities of a (still) male led world. There was plenty of excellent historical detail and multi national examples and lots of real case studies to add to the well examined and discussed areas up for scrutiny.
An absolutely brilliant read on a subject I haven’t seen up for discussion in such detail before. Definitely recommend.

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75
I love deep-diving into random topics and this did not disappoint! super interesting. really dives into the history and function of marriage as an institution. all of the different relevant court cases also just felt like historical gossip which I loved.
one small complaint—why was the notes section laid out like that?? there are hundredssss of citations throughout this book. half of them are just normal citations of texts, and half of them are paragraphs of additional information that are buried within the citation list at the back of the book. You never knew if those tiny numbers were gonna be a source or a side quest. not a good way of laying it out imo

[Tracie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book essentially starts with women as gold-diggers at the start of the US, post Revolutionary War; and ends with gold-diggers in the 2020s. Women marrying for financial reasons, the author goes on to say that women need to be paid more for their jobs and the roles women take. How I wish things would change, but it doesn't seem like it ever will.

[Vanessa Funk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative although as always, history for women can be a bit angering to hear. As an audiobook, the frequent stats were a bit much but mostly very interesting.

[Leah Fischer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, informative, & depressing

[CatReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

When teaching Pride and Prejudice, one of my college English teachers framed the classic Regency-era novel as a juxtaposition between pre-affective and affective marriages in Britain at the time -- i.e., marrying for maintaining or rising in social status/financial stability/reputation/connections (pre-affective - the norm at the time), vs. marrying for love and mutual compatibility (affective - a more modern concept). In You'll Do, author Zug uses the story of Charlotte Lucas from Pride and Prejudice (i.e., Mr. Collins' second choice wife, who accepts his marriage proposal for eminently practical reasons after love-focused Lizzy turns him down) to illustrate this point.

Zug goes on to explore various reasons people historically and today may marry for reasons besides love and compatibility. The book is largely US-centric and heterocentric though there is some discussion of same sex couples in the second half of the book. The reasons Zug explores include marrying for citizenship/immigration status (this was the main motivation for my maternal grandparents' marriage -- my maternal grandmother was a teenage war bride), marrying for financial/governmental benefits (lowered taxes, pensions, land rights), marrying for money and social status (self-explanatory), and marrying for various legal and logistical issues related to adopting, conceiving, or obtaining custody of children. As a woman, I share Zug's frustrations with many of the social and legal benefits afforded preferentially to men, and penalties afforded preferentially to women, by virtue of being married or unmarried. I enjoyed listening to this book and learned a lot of factoids about historical marriage issues.

Further reading:
The Divorce Colony: How Women Revolutionized Marriage and Found Freedom on the American Frontier by April White
GI Brides: The Wartime Girls Who Crossed the Atlantic for Love by Duncan Barrett and Nuala Calvi

[Maryam · Rating 5 out of 5]

(This Digital ARC was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review)

This was a very engaging read. Concepts that I knew of vaguely (the concept of marrying for 'love' is a fairly modern one, for example) were expanded upon and then turned on their heads. The ways in which laws that were originally intended to further women's rights (the common law marriage laws, for example) were upended and instead used to further discrimination against women was infuriating. I also appreciated how the author did not simply look to the history of white women's marriage in America & instead expanded the scope to look at how the institute of marriage was used horrifically against women of colour.

5/5 stars. A very informative and entertaining look into the legal institute of marriage in America, and one I highly recommend.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

On today’s edition of: Julia’s oddly niche nonfiction books…

A very well-researched look at extraneous reasons for marriage and the government’s heavy take on it.

[Nandita Damaraju · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought that this book was a very interesting perspective on marriage in America, highlighting how the legal framework has traditionally conferred benefits upon married individuals, with a particular focus on women. It underscores the significant disadvantages faced by single women historically, pointing out that, despite societal progress, current laws still disproportionately favor married individuals. This systemic preference for marriage, as detailed by the author, has shaped the generally positive societal perceptions of the institution. As someone who is not married and has harbored reservations about the necessity and value of marriage, I find the book's arguments persuasive and in alignment with my views. Although, I found the writing to be dry and overly factual nature and so I’d rate it a 3.5!

[pani tet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ну чого я очікувала від нонфікшену про концепт шлюбу. Що це буде приємне легке читання? І так ясно, що все невесло було і невесело є зараз. І так ясно, що законодавство та соціальний устрій спонукає часто до шлюбу за причин відмінних від кохання, а потім все одно критикує очевидну прагматичність. І так ясно, що одружуватися заради грошей "погано", але опції самостійної фінансової стабільності часто недоступні. І так ясно, що одруженням із неповнолітніми можна виправдати педофілію, а одруженням за грін-карту можна врятувати біженців. І так ясно це (і ще багато іншого), але ця ясність завжди розмазана в просторі і часі. Коли ж вона концентровано зібрана в невеличку книжку, волосся на голові стає дибки. Авторка дає приклади з історії і до сучасності, багато невимовної хріні - просто існує. Деякі витримки із судових процесів (розлучення, опіка над дітьми, расизм, право власності на майно, аліменти, депортація тощо) змушували мене вставати та йти подихати-попити-водички своєю конченістю. Кожен раз думаю, що більш-менш розбираюся в нюансах механізму суспільства, і кожен раз відкриваю для себе все нові й нові шари.

Хороші здорові штуки щодо шлюбу тут є (щодо одностатевих шлюбів на жаль мало), проте тон авторки досить невтішний, завжди виходить, що одружуватися некльово-небезпечно-невигідно-примусово, але не одружуватися - теж провал. Іноді й правда були кумедні та цікаві моменти. Та й вони насправді починалися як проблиск надії, прецеденту, а закінчувалися все одно через дупу. Зрозуміло, що книга саме про спірні питання шлюбу; я нагадую собі, що щасливі подружжя існують. Але в той же час, ну. Продовжую потроху збирати валізи жити в лісі, що тут скажеш.

[Emma-Kate Schaake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well researched, insightful, sometimes humorous, sometimes shocking historical confirmation bias as to why I remain happily coupled and happily unmarried! F the institution of marriage that’s was originally intended to control people (mostly women), curb sexuality (mostly women, to the exclusion of queer folks), give men power (over their wives, financially, etc), stipulate child rearing, and keep track of people’s morality (in a very white Christian lens).

I often talk to my best friend about how, in our capitalistic society, being single is all but unsustainable and unrealistic, at least above the poverty line. And at the same, that capitalistic grind makes it almost impossible to maintain a healthy relationship when both people are stressed from work and there’s no time for life. This book helped solidify for me that all of that makes sense, the system was built this way.

So essentially, America shames (and always has shamed) people who have anything less than a love marriage, but built marriage so it is the only feasible way into financial and social mobility and security. My partner and I are the example she gives as well that, should we marry, our incomes are so similar that we’d pay MORE in taxes than we do now.

So, yeah, I’ll keep living in sin until I die, thanks. ✌️

In case you can’t tell, this was a fantastic read. Very much recommend.

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. An absolutely fascinating and insightful sociological, historical, and legal analysis of marriage in America. Zug very effectively demonstrates that marriage has been used as an essential legal and social tool to define civil identity and rights, not only in terms of gender or sexual orientation but especially in regards to race and citizenship. Highly recommend this to anyone interested in any of those topics.

What stops this from being a full 5 stars for me personally is the relative lack of discussion on marriage in America prior to the 19th century century. There's a brief explanation of coverture laws, but not much discussion of the ways this shaped 17th & 18th century American women's lives and social experiences. This feels like an omission given the work by scholars of early America revealing that married women began to lose autonomy and economic bargaining power as English common law became more entrenched and defined in the colonial era.
Additionally, while there is a robust note section you could expect from a legal scholar/law professor like Zug, there's frustratingly no index and as a result it would be hard to use this as even a casual reference text.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This book was very informative, if a bit discouraging. No one wants to think about the myriad of ways people abuse others, and unfortunately a significant number of the “protections” offered to married persons promote and encourage some form of abuse.

Very well researched and laid out in a clear and concise manner. The author is clearly passionate about the topic, and cites numerous references. Overall a well-written and interesting book.

Thank you to NetGalley, Marcia A. Zug, and Steerforth for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Lily Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really interesting and insightful look at marriage as an institution and people’s response to the government’s laws, incentives, and disadvantages regarding it throughout history.

As I recently filled out my tree pretty far back on Ancestry, it’s interesting to know more of older marriage culture that many of my ancestors may have been subject to.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

So fascinating! Zug examines the history and evolution of marriage from the American legal perspective, using an impressive number of court cases both as anecdote and precedent. She’s that rare nonfiction (especially legal!) writer who balances entertainment and information quite masterfully.

[Raghav Sharma · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Marriage is a solution to the problem of poverty.” ~ What a beautiful thought. This book compiles valuable insights into how laws and policies prefer marital status over non-marital status, so much so that those who rebelled against social taboos in respect of sexual orientations also finally want to get married. Marriage is a powerful institutions and it makes or mars an individual in social terms. Interesting book.

[Beth Menendez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating but fairly colligate. This is not a fluff book but one that is deeply researched and one that makes you read and reread its postulates. I enjoyed it, but it’s not a quick read.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

This had its interesting moments, but it read a bit too much like a doctoral dissertation to be truly compelling.

[Angel · Rating 3 out of 5]

So this was wild. The majority of these stories of how/why people got married….WOW. Someone literally drinking another person’s blood????! What the heck.

[Jana · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit slow at times, but a great read that will make you angry.

[Paige]

DNF at 2% (after intro)

Does not seem like something I’m going to vibe with. Something about the tone, combined with a narrow focus on the American legal system

2.8.25

[Lian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really fascinating book about more modern (times) marriages where it wasn't just about love. I didn't realize single women were not allowed to immigrate to the US for fear they would contribute to a loose moral culture. A lot of the stories were very sad.

I also did not realize how many laws were structured to favor the marital unit, beyond the financial stuff. I also did not realize how the courts and government agencies favored married couples.

This was clearly originally a thesis, and it made some interesting and valid points.

[Betsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Going into this book, I assumed it was going to be pages upon pages (or hours upon hours rather, since I chose this as an audiobook) of all of the different crafty ways people marry for money. I was blown away by how in depth each of the chapters went, and all of the reasons for marriage I hadn't previously considered. Everything from social status, to land ownership, to rape victims marrying their perpetrator, because this was the best option for young women at one time (ick).

It also went into the modern day benefits of marriage, and society's preference toward married couples versus singles or couples who choose not to marry, made clear by the benefits married couples can cash in on. Overall, a well researched look into the institution and its evolution, with a compelling argument that there is no right reason to marry (which I agree with).

[Theediscerning · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The Government loves a gold digger", states the title of Chapter Two here, of a book showing the reasons other than amour that get someone in the marital bed, and the pernicious social, governmental and financial reasons that actually backed up and encouraged that kind of thing. Now, the first chapter had looked into the real gold diggers – both the men trying to gain possession of a rich woman's wealth, seeing as he would generally have control of it upon marriage, and the women trying to latch on to and keep, spend or plain purloin the loot of a man. But this chapter two starts with the bride saying "I do" to gain a war pension, often with generations between them in age. One such woman promptly married her old fella's grandson when the coast was clear.

After that we see the social engineering involved in getting women, settled men and families into Iowa, Oregon and other states – surely something few histories of marriage have worried over. And that's by no means the only time and way people have been forced to marry for purposes of movement – single women would never have been allowed into the USA after WWI, but put a ring on it and it was a lot easier.

Elsewhere there are benefits, both financial and otherwise, thrown at married people. Tax benefits are one thing, the right to not have your spouse testify against you in a murder case is another. People actively sexually humiliating co-workers of the same gender at work have gotten away with it because of their hetero spouse back at home. All the while, the married people get the status, benefits and rights, and the singletons amongst us get lower status, more demeaning opinions about us, and fewer rights. Some people have been unable to get a discrimination claim when a work-place relationship has raised potential issues, that would not have batted any eyelids had a certain certificate been present.

And the whole shebang can worryingly concern other people if, as shown here, people remarry to get custody rights of previous offspring over now-single exes, or if people are forced into marriage to qualify for adoption or artificial insemination plans.

This was pretty much all I could have expected from this. It is academical – dig the scale of the notes keeping the core of the book so readable – and yet not without humour. I had feared it would be stultifyingly USA-only, and while it practically is all concerning American laws, lawsuits and cases, it is still enjoyable to read. Oh and if you are ever short of snide wedding gifts, this is the deal – this is ever interesting, even if so many instances pepper these pages of people you just would not want to be, or marry. Four and a half stars.