Never Hit a Jellyfish With a Spade: How to Survive Life's Smaller Challenges

by Guy Browning

How should an atheist respond to a sneeze? In an argument, how do you kick ass when you don't have a leg to stand on? After years of exploring the small pockets in life's backpack in his celebrated weekend Guardian 'How to...' column, Guy Browning has become the authority on such matters. The runaway #1 British Bestseller Never Hit a Jellyfish with a Spade offers intelligent, practical advice on the level you need it, the trivial level:
o How to evaluate a bottle of wine (if the alcohol content is less than 15 percent, send it straight back)
o How to get what you want at the barber's (no multipart instructions, please)
o How to stay warm in bed (when your partner has cold feet and steals the covers)
o How to be a fashionista (when your twenty-year-old wardrobe is suddenly back in vogue)
o How to pretend to laugh at a friend's joke (the closest most men get to faking orgasm)
o How to fix a computer (If restarting it doesn't work, turn it off and go back to a pre- industrial lifestyle.)

Covering cooking and eating, sleeping and waking, men and women, love and marriage, religion and politics, hedges and neighbors, Never Hit a Jellyfish with a Spade delivers the truth about the things that really matter. With a package as fun as its contents, it's the ideal gift for anyone who wants to live life with a sense of humor.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Comedy, Audiobook, Self Help, Essays, Reference

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Guy Browning (born 1964) is a humorist, after-dinner speaker and film director. He wrote the How To.. column in The Guardian from 1999-2009. Before that he wrote about office politics and social climbing. He currently lives in Kingston Bagpuize in Oxfordshire.

Reviews

[Dee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this an all over good, healthy and hearty read. If your in need of a laugh at lifes little annoyances or recurring issues then this will do the trick. Its a good book to keep and come back to now and again when in need of a little cheering up 🙂
Disclaimer.. there is no actual or descriptive instance of a jellyfish being hit, threatened to be hit or even spoken to in a unhealthy manner lol 😂 enjoy!!

[Rachael Pedersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I used to read this at work inbetween Window Cleaning jobs, each page or 2 is like a new topic so very easy to pick up and put down again.
It's so funny, I would be laughing loudly all the way to the next customer!
My Dad used to say 'Are you reading your giggle book again?'
It also makes for great bathroom/toilet reading. I used to keep a few funny books by the loo in my old flat, but found that visitors would often be gone for a long time, and then you would hear them giggling!

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick, funny read. Full of British humour and sarcasm as it explains how to do various things, such as flirt, exercise, and be popular.
Some of the language and jokes are a little bit dated nowadays (it was written in 2004, so definitely could do with an update) and the language is very hetero/cis-normative, but again - written in 2004.
A reasonably funny way to pass the time, especially if you want some light-hearted non-fiction.

[Ann Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a bit of a Marmite book. I thought it was hilarious, but when I read bits out to my husband he was underwhelmed. The topics are grouped under section headings, like love and marriage, and each topic is only two pages long. They basically give advice, which contains wry comments on life.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully British and uproariously funny.

[Ed Shamwana · Rating 1 out of 5]

A very funny book, sadly I just lost momentum with it because of it's chopped up format... would recommend it, so long as you have the time to read it within a relatively short time span. It's easy to finish a section, put down and forget.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply, satisfyingly funny! What a gift to be able to write these two-page pieces about, How to... organise a village fair/sulk/read a Sunday paper/keep your dentist happy/be a revolutionary/do fancy dress/live together, and many, many more.

A couple of examples: on sulking 'Sulking is emotional strike action. You still function as a human being, but you work to rule... The big dilemma with sulking is whether you should slope off to another room to do it. Remember that out of sight is out of mind and they might forget you're in a mountainous sulk', on socializing 'Socializing shouldn't be confused with socialism. Socialists are the ones that like to meet people's needs, and socialites are the needy ones that like to meet people.'

A comment on the back cover says it perfectly '...everyday matters are skewered with deadpan style and deadly accuracy.'

[Tulpesh Patel · Rating 4 out of 5]

An anthology of Guy Browing's How to.. from the Guardian's Weekend magazine, this is an invariably chuckle-raising, and occasionally laugh-out-loud hilarious collection of guides on coping with the trivialities of life. His column, always accompanied by a brilliant illustration, was always the first thing I flicked to.

Written with real wit, and surprising honesty, Browning has a real eye for detail. I dare you to read the How To.. Mingle without cringing in recognition!

Strangely, the How To.. Make Tea made me abandon my favored black coffee for five cups of PG Tips a day! He must have had a really bad experience with some ramblers though..

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this would be a fun book to flip through (and it did make me chuckle a few times) but I'm bummed that it wasn't as funny as I'd hoped it would be.

[Marissa Morrison · Rating 2 out of 5]

The humor is so dry here, I almost missed it.

[Yorky Caz · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book to pick up and put down. very short chapters. Every 2 pages is a new subject. Not really laugh out loud funny but entertaining...ish.....

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A funny book - I liked it alot

[Lady Midnight · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este libro llegó a mi por sorpresa, no lo conocía de nada pero su título me llamó mucho la atención e hizo que me interesara por él cuando lo compré de segunda mano (“Nunca golpees una medusa con una pala: como sobrevivir a los pequeños retos de la vida”; el título es llamativo, no lo pedéis negar).

El autor es Guy Browning, que tampoco conocía, investigando en internet me di cuenta de que era un colaborador de The Guardian donde escribía una columna semanalmente dando consejos para ayudar al personal a sobrevivir y sobrellevar los pequeños detalles de la vida, causantes de la mayoría de problemas de las personas (hablamos de cuestiones importantes como: ¿qué hacer cuando se tienen las orejas grandes?, ¿como comer sano?,¿como estornudar? entre muchas otras).

El libro me encantado, con más de 10 apartados, Guy trata de temas como el ejercicio físico y el deporte, salud y enfermedad, cocina y alimentación, moda y estilo, dormir levantarse, vallas y vecinos, adolescentes y estudiantes… que consiguen alegrarte la tarde sacándote infinitas carcajadas.

Lo recomiendo, el libro en si es muy muy divertido y se lee muy rápido (cada consejo de vida constituye un capítulo de no más de 3 páginas)

[Jon S · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somewhat entertaining, but I shall admit I didn't get through all of the book, as the comedy aspects of real life tidbits lost their shine on me.

If you enjoy his pieces in the Guardians 'Weekend' magazine you'll likely love this book, also if the type of humour in the writing pulls you in - just read one of the short chapters (typically 2-3 pages) before buying to get a general sense of the humour inside. For others, it'll probably be a drag of a read, though indeed with it's comedic moments.

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to start off by saying this is probably the book I enjoyed listening to the most in 2016. The content is hilarious but Simon Vance is just a brilliant narrator. Almost a David Attenborough feel.

I believe this is a compilation of Guy Browning's How To newspaper articles so they are short and sweet little snipits. Perfect to use as a bathroom reader.

I was about 35% of the way through listening to this book when I could sum it up perfectly. I wrote in my Book Review Journal(ish type thing) that this book is short snipits that describe the obvious and sometimes awkward basics of life. It's really a How To on things no one needs a How To for.

I was laughing out loud on the bus to and from work while listening to this. Basically everything that is not really a problem or even first world problems were poked fun at in this book. I went in thinking this was a self help book and I got a self reflection book instead. It far exceeded my expectations and I so happy I picked it out.

I would recommend this book to anyone who can poke fun at themselves and can deal with a very British sense of humour. Super non serious read and it 100% brightened my day each time I picked it up!

[Snowfreak · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very, very funny and I laughed out loud many times. I'm going to find out if the author has written any novels as he has a way with words. Only 4 stars because it's a series of very funny 2 page pieces on various subjects. The big ears one was hilarious. It's a pick up as and when you have a few minutes for a quick dose of British humour kind of book rather than a get stuck in for a few hours kind of book. I enjoyed it 😊.

[Ralph · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this. Although written for the British audience (e.g., lots of references to having tea and British slang) most, if not all, of the page and a half sections are universally applicable. Each section is named "How to .... -fill in the subject - (eg., Tell a Joke"; Look Sauve"; Propose Marriage"; Have a Tiff"; etc. And they are all funny to boot!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Does not mention jellyfish once in the book. Nor does it tell answer any of the questions on the back blurb. It is a vaguely humorous, slightly cynical set of how to guides. The best ones are on sleep - as a couple of the suggestions were new to me and actually sounded useful - and on going to church - which is actually funny.

[Sierra Flacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my “bathroom read” and I honestly feel that is the best place for it. There were a couple of his little segments that actually made me chuckle, but this is not a book I would sit and be engulfed in. Dry, old man humor that never really kept my attention past the second page of the current segment.

[Tom Lindsay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Seemed like it was written by someone who knows what humour is, but is unable to create stories with punchlines. The book seemed to have a very supercilious air about its writing and I'm afraid that although I could see what was meant, I didn't laugh. Not one for keeping.

[Andréa Lechner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most of the pieces in this collection are absolutely hilarious. I particularly like the visit to the optician's and how to sulk, something that my partner has developed to perfection. A must read for gloomy days.

[JOAN BASSETS · Rating 4 out of 5]

Molt ben escrit i molt ben traduït, a vegades recorda el sentit absurd de l'humor de Woody Allen a "com acabar amb la cultura". L'altre avantatge és que es pot llegir a estones sense perdre el fil, donat que no en té
Divertit

[Tomas Bella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Guy Browning is the snarky British guy that lives in your head commenting on your daily life where no topic is safe from his satire.

Might be my new go to do graduation presents.

[Kai · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most delightful books I've read in a long time. It had me literally laughing out loud alone in my house.

[Mark Holencik · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting look at life. I kept wondering why was this book written. I spot read through the book to see if it would change. To each his own. It was not mine.

[Stephen McCarthy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A charming, harmless piece of whimsy. Probably becoming a little bit dated now but enjoyable nonetheless.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to it on audio book, as a good laugh and a refresh for British humor!

[Uzma Reem · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book will dip you into the funniest ways of tackling life’s mundane acts, with a panache that will save you from ever being hit by a spade or maybe not! ;)

[Jahnathon Larson · Rating 5 out of 5]

British satire at its absolute best.