Holding Onto Air: The Art and Science of Building a Resilient Spirit

by Michele DeMarco

A top mental health writer, trauma researcher, and survivor illuminates the dual nature of loss—the science behind it and art of transforming it with a breakthrough book and truly holistic approach.

After experiencing two rare heart attacks at the age of 33—and a third a decade later, DeMarco knows trauma intimately. Trauma breaks your relationship with time by upending your expectations, fracturing your memories and identity, and destroying your innocence.

With poignant wisdom and refreshing insight DeMarco explodes traditional myths of resilience and shows what it takes to thrive through any of life’s challenges. DeMarco situates meaningful challenge and loss specifically in the context of “lost innocence,” and challenges common notions that we can think our way out of despair and back to a “normal” happy life when the unimaginable shatters it.

Leveraging advances in emotion science, somatic psychology, neuroscience, and trauma, Holding Onto Air brings the body and spirit into the solution, as much as the mind, and so presents a truly integrated, “whole person” approach to recovering from lost innocence and building resilience. It also makes spirit accessible for anyone of any background or belief—or no aligned belief.

More than a rudimentary map for navigating grief and loss’ rocky terrain (with tired tropes and shop-worn strategies), DeMarco offers a unique and trusted guide for an arduous journey every human being will have to face—the realization of evil, pain, or mortality that occurs after a person experiences trauma.

240 pages, Paperback

Published January 9, 2024

Reviews

[Joel Lacivita · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a professor of psychology, I found this to be an excellent book! The psychological concepts are thoroughly and intelligently explained. A person looking to get back on their feet after a tragedy would find this book to be very helpful.

I liked all the stories sprinkled throughout. They helped develop and give context to the various concepts. The one about trying to find a pet dog was comical but poignant.

Her prose is picturesque, experiential and takes one right into the scene, especially the story about her trip to France. (pages 133 to 137).
“I felt myself getting restless, and so turned my attention to stillness. This time it was not a sensation or image that I sought to feel, but actual ‘is-ness’ of ‘now’ of consciousness, of awareness itself – that vast sea that stretches out between us and everything. I closed my eyes and plunged into that sea…”

DeMarco’s work is a complete package of psychological science and thought-provoking philosophical ideas.

[Bill Wilkie · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's so refreshing to read a work that adds powerful science and scholarly research to a program for development and healing. In many ways it's a powerful memoir, having some very moving personal material. But it goes far beyond the usual feel-sad/feel-happy dynamic to look deeply at the human condition and human possibilities in the face of loss, trauma, and major change. And it provides a practical way to get there. More than uplifting, I found Holding Onto Air to be strengthening, and entirely credible. Strongest recommendation.