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Strangling Your Husband Is Not an Option: A Practical Guide to Dramatically Improving Your Marriage Paperback - June 8, 2006
Things can get pretty crazy in marital relationships. As one reviewer has said, “What wife hasn’t felt like strangling her husband at least once during their marriage?” With her lighthearted personality and humor, author Merrilee Boyack shares twenty-five years’ worth of marital perspective in this practical guide to improve any marriage. As an estate-planning attorney, Merrilee has dealt with many struggling couples going through divorce. (Seven-year marriages seem to have the greatest challenges.) She offers practical tips for women who want to better understand men (particularly their husbands) and build happier marriages. She invites women to dump the guilt, be open enough to learn about areas they’d like to improve, and then take the steps to make those changes. Readers will also find a wealth of fun and practical advice in chapters like “The Five ‘Don’ts’ and Five ‘Do’s’ of Wifehood,” “But How Do I Change My Husband?” and “No, Really, How Can I Change Him?”
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First published June 8, 2006
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April 12, 2015
The humble, willing to take advice side of me admits that this book had some good advice on improving myself and becoming a better wife.
The defensive side of me, who wonders why I ever read self help books, got downright irritated and almost offended at some of the authors wife blaming/bashing/guilting going on. Especially when it came to her constant harping on keeping up your appearance "for your husband." She quoted her mother as saying, "your husband is surrounded by babes at work all day long. Make sure he doesn't come home to a slug." The first time I read that I cringed and rolled my eyes. The second time she threw it in there I was irritated. The third time, (because yes, she felt inclined to include this quote THREE times as if it's some super inspirational words of wisdom to ingrain in your mind and live by!) I got downright angry! I don't give a flip if my husband is surrounded by the most beautiful women in the world every day he goes into work. He promised to be faithful to me, and if he chooses to oogle attractive women (because trust me, it doesn't matter what kind of makeover I give myself, there will always be women out there more attractive than me) that is HIS choice and has NOTHING to do with me. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to be held responsible or accountable for his choices and actions. No woman, no matter how much she has "let herself go" is to blame for a husbands wandering eyes. What if this little gem of a quote was turned around on a husband with a wife telling him, "you better keep yourself ripped and in shape and very sensitive because while you are at work I have access to the internet and soap operas where I can fantasize about handsome sensitive men." How would that kind of threat and negativity motivate anyone? It would just lead to stress and mistrust I would think.
Besides her harping on keeping up your manicures and hair roots, there were some other situations that reminded me of Dr. Laura's book (which I hated) that blamed women for their husbands choices because of all their nagging. One man went inactive because his wife nagged him so much about church stuff, and of course his wife is completely to blame for this choice of his.
Which brings me to the critical side of me who thought this book should have been named, "How to be a Better Wife and Manipulate your Husband into being Wonderful using the Equivalent of Jedi Mind Tricks: Merrilee Boyacks Guide to Emulating her Near Perfect Example". In the beginning she said she wanted to write this book because she has been married for 26 years and feels like she's learned some things worth sharing. I thought that was as cute as how after I potty trained my oldest child, I kind of thought I was an expert and I mused about how I could write a book on potty training. Then I had three more kids and realized how naive a thought that was! Merillee has been married for 26 years and has become an expert on her husband and her marriage. Some of the advice she shares would not fly in my marriage! She tells you to be spontaneous and your husband will love it! Really, she is constantly telling me what my husband will love, and she is dead wrong. I have learned that spontaneity (which I always thought was nice and romantic) really stresses my husband out and if I constantly pretended he was spontaneous (she advocates pretending your husband is something until he becomes that) our marriage would totally be ruined.
The author is an estate planning lawyer, not a marriage counselor. Her advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
Ok, so I'm probably being way too critical, but I would really hate to see a woman read this book looking for hope and help with a husband who views pornography, or doesn't spend much time at home, and all she gets out of it is that it's all her fault. The author was very critical of other women and their mistakes. When she shares her own mistakes, she is quick to point out how she learned from them and became better because of them. When she points out the mistakes of others, it is to "tut-tut" and shake her head sympathetically at how clueless they are and how they are ruining their marriage and life. I really cringed when she downright mocked a woman in her ward who wore a dress to church with a safety pin in it. Wow. Just wow.
Ok, that's enough. I think I actually got more out of this book than I am willing to admit and my marriage and life might even improve for it. Merillee really does seem like a neat lady and it was brave of her to put herself out there by writing this book.
And congrats if you made it all the way to the end of my ranting review!
The defensive side of me, who wonders why I ever read self help books, got downright irritated and almost offended at some of the authors wife blaming/bashing/guilting going on. Especially when it came to her constant harping on keeping up your appearance "for your husband." She quoted her mother as saying, "your husband is surrounded by babes at work all day long. Make sure he doesn't come home to a slug." The first time I read that I cringed and rolled my eyes. The second time she threw it in there I was irritated. The third time, (because yes, she felt inclined to include this quote THREE times as if it's some super inspirational words of wisdom to ingrain in your mind and live by!) I got downright angry! I don't give a flip if my husband is surrounded by the most beautiful women in the world every day he goes into work. He promised to be faithful to me, and if he chooses to oogle attractive women (because trust me, it doesn't matter what kind of makeover I give myself, there will always be women out there more attractive than me) that is HIS choice and has NOTHING to do with me. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to be held responsible or accountable for his choices and actions. No woman, no matter how much she has "let herself go" is to blame for a husbands wandering eyes. What if this little gem of a quote was turned around on a husband with a wife telling him, "you better keep yourself ripped and in shape and very sensitive because while you are at work I have access to the internet and soap operas where I can fantasize about handsome sensitive men." How would that kind of threat and negativity motivate anyone? It would just lead to stress and mistrust I would think.
Besides her harping on keeping up your manicures and hair roots, there were some other situations that reminded me of Dr. Laura's book (which I hated) that blamed women for their husbands choices because of all their nagging. One man went inactive because his wife nagged him so much about church stuff, and of course his wife is completely to blame for this choice of his.
Which brings me to the critical side of me who thought this book should have been named, "How to be a Better Wife and Manipulate your Husband into being Wonderful using the Equivalent of Jedi Mind Tricks: Merrilee Boyacks Guide to Emulating her Near Perfect Example". In the beginning she said she wanted to write this book because she has been married for 26 years and feels like she's learned some things worth sharing. I thought that was as cute as how after I potty trained my oldest child, I kind of thought I was an expert and I mused about how I could write a book on potty training. Then I had three more kids and realized how naive a thought that was! Merillee has been married for 26 years and has become an expert on her husband and her marriage. Some of the advice she shares would not fly in my marriage! She tells you to be spontaneous and your husband will love it! Really, she is constantly telling me what my husband will love, and she is dead wrong. I have learned that spontaneity (which I always thought was nice and romantic) really stresses my husband out and if I constantly pretended he was spontaneous (she advocates pretending your husband is something until he becomes that) our marriage would totally be ruined.
The author is an estate planning lawyer, not a marriage counselor. Her advice should be taken with a grain of salt.
Ok, so I'm probably being way too critical, but I would really hate to see a woman read this book looking for hope and help with a husband who views pornography, or doesn't spend much time at home, and all she gets out of it is that it's all her fault. The author was very critical of other women and their mistakes. When she shares her own mistakes, she is quick to point out how she learned from them and became better because of them. When she points out the mistakes of others, it is to "tut-tut" and shake her head sympathetically at how clueless they are and how they are ruining their marriage and life. I really cringed when she downright mocked a woman in her ward who wore a dress to church with a safety pin in it. Wow. Just wow.
Ok, that's enough. I think I actually got more out of this book than I am willing to admit and my marriage and life might even improve for it. Merillee really does seem like a neat lady and it was brave of her to put herself out there by writing this book.
And congrats if you made it all the way to the end of my ranting review!
January 17, 2008
Certainly practical, helpful advice from someone who's been there, in the middle of some real lousy arguements. I love her candor and voice. I don't like condescension in self help books, but she doesn't talk down to her readers. And there is no man-bashing, which I cannot tolerate. She tells the wives how to improve their side of the relationship and that's it. Any husband will be happy that his wife wants to read this book.
February 16, 2016
I read this for book club, and honestly it wasn't my favorite! I wanted to like it so much, because a book that focuses on strengthening marriage is awesome. But... I just could NOT get over her writing style. It way too informal to me (almost ridiculous), very judgmental, very one sided (as in the author was sure she was right about everything), and a little bit archaic. I don't know how to describe it other than that. I think I was most annoyed with her preoccupation with appearances and how looking really good will improve our marriage because our husbands will like us more. After reading this for more than 30 pages early on in the book I had a hard time taking anything else she said seriously. It just came off as so shallow. I am not against looking nice, but REALLY... she went on about getting your nails done, getting facials, dying your hair, losing weight, and over and over again about not letting yourself go. Sheesh. In any case, there were really good tips and some things I would like to try and a lot I agreed with, but the overall presentation was distasteful to me.
December 10, 2008
I found a few gems to help my marriage in this book. My favorite thought is that both partners is a marriage have strengths to create a whole partnership.
But this book also had stuff that caused me to feel guilty about the days I don't want to wear makeup. It felt like the pressure is on the woman to make the husband want to come home and not flirt with the ladies at the office (although as a woman reader I realize the author was speaking to her audience and the fact that we are only in charge of ourselves, not our husband).
I know several people who love this book, so please take my thoughts with a HUGE grain of salt! :-)
But this book also had stuff that caused me to feel guilty about the days I don't want to wear makeup. It felt like the pressure is on the woman to make the husband want to come home and not flirt with the ladies at the office (although as a woman reader I realize the author was speaking to her audience and the fact that we are only in charge of ourselves, not our husband).
I know several people who love this book, so please take my thoughts with a HUGE grain of salt! :-)
May 6, 2011
Saw this at the library - merrillee boyack is HILARIOUS - so I'm looking forward to an entertaining read.
Hmm. So when people I know get married my present to them is usually Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. After I read that book I had the best 6 weeks of my marriage. That book has some real strengths - first and foremost it puts you *inside* a guys head when you can look at yourself as they see you. Why they think that way. Why I should do this a particular way. It lacks some gospel perspective as well as a little bit of tact; but Dr. Laura isn't popular for her soothing advice, now, is she? Sometimes tough love is called for.
So I was hoping for more of the same but BETTER with this book. And it just fell flat for me. I think the strength of this book lies in the last few chapters about how to be spiritually compatible with your husband and to pray for/with him. Not the same brick up the side of your head as the other book; more like a marriage improvement class at church in sunday school with a few random tangent.
ps not a big fan of her attitude with the 'must have fake nails' or 'you must have date night every week' or 'dye your hair and keep up with the roots', etc. Does she just make so much money she's disconnected from reality like that? Like she's floating around in Richy-Mormon-Cali-Land and doesn't realize what it's like in the real world of "I don't have money for that crap?" or "my husband works 60 hrs a week + two night classes per week + is the ward EQP so I literally don't have 1 night a week for that?'
pps She also borderline made fun of a friend in her ward that wore a dress to church that was missing a button so it was safety pinned at the bottom in that spot. President Gordon B. Hinckley has said, “Our pioneer forebears lived by the adage, 'Fix it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without' ” Apparently she's not a fan of that. As fun as Boyack is as a Education Week speaker, it seems like I don't think I'd like to be in her ward (or maybe even her friend) because I try to live by the adage "People that mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind" and it seems to me like she'd be in the first group when it would come to judging me by looks/dress/etc.
I would have given 3 stars but after writing this I think I'd downgrade the 2 star to = it was ok.
Hmm. So when people I know get married my present to them is usually Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. After I read that book I had the best 6 weeks of my marriage. That book has some real strengths - first and foremost it puts you *inside* a guys head when you can look at yourself as they see you. Why they think that way. Why I should do this a particular way. It lacks some gospel perspective as well as a little bit of tact; but Dr. Laura isn't popular for her soothing advice, now, is she? Sometimes tough love is called for.
So I was hoping for more of the same but BETTER with this book. And it just fell flat for me. I think the strength of this book lies in the last few chapters about how to be spiritually compatible with your husband and to pray for/with him. Not the same brick up the side of your head as the other book; more like a marriage improvement class at church in sunday school with a few random tangent.
ps not a big fan of her attitude with the 'must have fake nails' or 'you must have date night every week' or 'dye your hair and keep up with the roots', etc. Does she just make so much money she's disconnected from reality like that? Like she's floating around in Richy-Mormon-Cali-Land and doesn't realize what it's like in the real world of "I don't have money for that crap?" or "my husband works 60 hrs a week + two night classes per week + is the ward EQP so I literally don't have 1 night a week for that?'
pps She also borderline made fun of a friend in her ward that wore a dress to church that was missing a button so it was safety pinned at the bottom in that spot. President Gordon B. Hinckley has said, “Our pioneer forebears lived by the adage, 'Fix it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without' ” Apparently she's not a fan of that. As fun as Boyack is as a Education Week speaker, it seems like I don't think I'd like to be in her ward (or maybe even her friend) because I try to live by the adage "People that mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind" and it seems to me like she'd be in the first group when it would come to judging me by looks/dress/etc.
I would have given 3 stars but after writing this I think I'd downgrade the 2 star to = it was ok.
March 11, 2009
Great concepts and information. Here is the review I wrote for my family's book club:
I really liked this book. The information and concepts were great! It was a nice change from Dr. Laura. Even though I love the information and concepts found in Dr. Laura's book, I liked this author's tone much better. I've read a lot of nonfiction and self-help type books lately, so I had to take this book a little slower. I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed, and her humor was a nice break (although I must say a little cheesy and over the top at times, i.e. her flirting tactics...I've never been much of a flirt, even when we were dating...I think it would freak Tad out if I started acting like that:).
Okay, so some of the things that stood out to me:
*I liked when she talked about humor and the importance of having a sense of humor. There was a quote in there (I just mailed the book back to Spanish Fork, so I don't have it to refer to) by Pres. Faust (I'm pretty sure it was Pres. Faust) that really hit me and made me realize I need to keep a better sense of humor. It will make everyone happier around me.
*I liked when she talked about some of the scientific differences in the brains and functions of males and females. Of course I've always known we're different, but I liked learning some more of the specifics. Now I understand better why Tad is so into creating an extensive music collection. She even used that as one of her examples.
*Like Lindsay, I also liked how we're not supposed to depend completely on our husbands to solve all of our problems and fulfill all of our emotional needs. I don't need to dump so much on Tad. And once solved I need to just let go and not rehash it.
*Overall it's the whole idea of changing myself and my perceptions. When it comes down to it, that is the only person I really have control over. However my attitudes and behaviors can influence and perhaps even motivate others. It is important for myself and those close to me to constantly work to improve and become better.
I really liked this book. The information and concepts were great! It was a nice change from Dr. Laura. Even though I love the information and concepts found in Dr. Laura's book, I liked this author's tone much better. I've read a lot of nonfiction and self-help type books lately, so I had to take this book a little slower. I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed, and her humor was a nice break (although I must say a little cheesy and over the top at times, i.e. her flirting tactics...I've never been much of a flirt, even when we were dating...I think it would freak Tad out if I started acting like that:).
Okay, so some of the things that stood out to me:
*I liked when she talked about humor and the importance of having a sense of humor. There was a quote in there (I just mailed the book back to Spanish Fork, so I don't have it to refer to) by Pres. Faust (I'm pretty sure it was Pres. Faust) that really hit me and made me realize I need to keep a better sense of humor. It will make everyone happier around me.
*I liked when she talked about some of the scientific differences in the brains and functions of males and females. Of course I've always known we're different, but I liked learning some more of the specifics. Now I understand better why Tad is so into creating an extensive music collection. She even used that as one of her examples.
*Like Lindsay, I also liked how we're not supposed to depend completely on our husbands to solve all of our problems and fulfill all of our emotional needs. I don't need to dump so much on Tad. And once solved I need to just let go and not rehash it.
*Overall it's the whole idea of changing myself and my perceptions. When it comes down to it, that is the only person I really have control over. However my attitudes and behaviors can influence and perhaps even motivate others. It is important for myself and those close to me to constantly work to improve and become better.
March 3, 2008
Good advice is cheap, it's putting it in a way that people want to hear it that is difficult. I think the author is too cynical and highly dislike her habit of making complete strangers the object of her criticism. Overall this was a good reminder though I did not like the format. I think this type of advice can and has before been set in more encouraging, less diminutive tones. I found myself perusing the book, saying "Oh, I need to work on that", ignoring the sarcastic criticism of all Mormon ladies who are not doing whatever such thing was, and therefore reaped the benefits. I don't like to ignore the counsel just because I don't like the messenger, but this definitely was not a pleasure to read.
July 31, 2010
Sensible advice presented with a touch of humor, although the author has a self-satisfied air that smacks of condescension at times. The three things I’m contemplating: Use of “I messages;” pick one thing about yourself to work on at a time; and the following thought by Wendy Watson: “…perhaps there are times the more effectual prayer of each spouse needs to be: Please help me to see this situation from my spouse’s point of view."
February 12, 2016
Okay... I read half of it. I got so sick of hearing the perspective of a well-to-do self-centered woman. I thought she was very sexist in her vision of how a woman should look. I discussed with my husband the thoughts she expressed in the book and he disagreed entirely with the author's perspective. Maybe if I was in a different stage of life I'd appreciate what she had to say a little more, but as it was I felt she discredited herself in the first 2 chapters.
June 27, 2010
This book maintains a conversational tone, full of sisterly insight, common sense and brilliance. Perhaps the best book about marriage and being a happy wife that I have ever read. She recommends scriptures and points that have made an incredible difference in my perspectives and actions. Could not recommend more highly.
My only complaint about this book is the title. Do not let it deter you.
My only complaint about this book is the title. Do not let it deter you.
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April 16, 2012Good, quick read full of reminders of the seemingly small things that can make a big difference in a marriage. The book is very conversational and not intimidating at all. I appreciated her no nonsense approach and her reassurance that there is no use in brooding over past mistakes and everything to gain by starting from where you are.
May 11, 2014
I loved this book! It was full of great advice & lots of humor. I knew some of the ideas she mentioned but she sparked motivation in me as well as new ideas and new perspectives. I'm so glad I read it.
September 6, 2015
There are some good thoughts in it, and the quotes by the prophets are great gems. There are a lot of the parts that I felt like I was 'supposed to' be June cleaver with hair, make-up and skirt on and in heels vacuuming the floor with a smile when he got home.
November 3, 2008
Great ideas and down to earth which made reading it fun.
January 11, 2023
strangling your husband is ALWAYS an option
July 23, 2010
Boyack is a little hard to read for me. I imagine her as one of those women who is quite pleased with herself all the time, and even if that's not true that's how I read her narrative voice so it's irritating to me ... true or not.
She has some good ideas, some of them I kind of chuckled about before I realized it wasn't another one of her little parenthetical jokes. Are you serious? Acrylic nails are part of being a good wife? I'm supposed to be my own date until Husband finds it in his heart to come with, and that's ideal wifedom?
It sounds like she's the kind of woman who doesn't even need a husband, because she thinks she's awesome enough alone to not even need to be half of a partnership. Like she's the main event and he's the groupie. Again, probably SO not accurate, but the tone chafed me all the way to the last page.
That being said, I thought there were enough valid and universal points to merit a reading, even a second reading of the book. One of my favorite things about her was that there was no husband bashing. I hate when women do that, so it was nice to not have to listen to it. I showed my husband a few parts and he agreed with what he read, so thank you, Merrilee, for the advice. I'll take it!
She has some good ideas, some of them I kind of chuckled about before I realized it wasn't another one of her little parenthetical jokes. Are you serious? Acrylic nails are part of being a good wife? I'm supposed to be my own date until Husband finds it in his heart to come with, and that's ideal wifedom?
It sounds like she's the kind of woman who doesn't even need a husband, because she thinks she's awesome enough alone to not even need to be half of a partnership. Like she's the main event and he's the groupie. Again, probably SO not accurate, but the tone chafed me all the way to the last page.
That being said, I thought there were enough valid and universal points to merit a reading, even a second reading of the book. One of my favorite things about her was that there was no husband bashing. I hate when women do that, so it was nice to not have to listen to it. I showed my husband a few parts and he agreed with what he read, so thank you, Merrilee, for the advice. I'll take it!
September 8, 2011
Okay. What to say. I could not finish this book. I have heard such good things about it that I actually bought it before reading it. Mistake! I have such a hard time with her tone. It's just oozing stereotypical Utah Mormon jargon that makes me want to vomit. I'm not sure why, but I have this aversion to referring to a husband as "hubby" and I'm pretty sure that's the only way she refers to husbands. I think there may have been some good things in the book, but I couldn't wade through all the 2-page quotes and self-glorifying examples to hone in on the good advice. I finally had to admit to myself that I just wasn't going to be able to read the book. I'll be putting it up for sale on ebay in hopes of getting some of my money back. I also felt worse after reading the book...is that supposed to happen? Apparently she is some supermom who can work part-time, teach seminary, keep a clean house, have a great relationship with all her children, read her scriptures daily, fulfull endless leadership callings in church, have speaking assignments, have time for her family and husband while taking a walk each day and a nap.
December 1, 2012
I was disappointed with this book. I was expecting so much more, considering how stellar I thought Merrilee Boyack's "The Parenting Breakthrough" was. The first five chapters she goes on and on about how men are different from women and we just have to live with how they are, blah, blah, blah. It wasn't until the sixth chapter that she actually gives practical advice at how to deal with the annoying things he does and how to approach discussing issues with him. I still am not sure anything she said would be useful in applying to my marriage. Much of it was the standard advice (go on a date every week, keep up your appearance, etc.) that is all good and nice but not helpful. I was hoping to find ways to improve the communication so that we can start having those "deep conversations" again and such and got no practical advice on how to do that, other than to "talk like you used to". Hard to do if your spouse ain't interested! Overall a really big disappointment. Just more of the same non-helpful tips that I've been hearing for years.
August 31, 2015
Book Group book for August.
There were some good reminders in there as well as some interesting insights. I'm not sorry that I read it, but I wouldn't recommend it to someone who hasn't been married a while. A newlywed could easily be distressed and overwhelmed by some of the suggestions in the book that I think are mostly bunk.
The author obviously comes from and is talking to white, upper-middle class (high-upper-middle?) western Mormon, and she unabashedly makes generalizations from that limited world view. At times she was condescending, shallow, contradictory and self-important, but not everything she said was to be ignored. She did have some useful points to ponder.
I give it a three because the good outweighed the bad. -And I'm not sure if her and I would be friends or not if she were in my community, but she sounded like a Trekkie who likes to camp and doesn't like to cook, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she's a flawed human with some good ideas that would be interesting to go on a hike with. Who am I to criticize, I've never written a book.
There were some good reminders in there as well as some interesting insights. I'm not sorry that I read it, but I wouldn't recommend it to someone who hasn't been married a while. A newlywed could easily be distressed and overwhelmed by some of the suggestions in the book that I think are mostly bunk.
The author obviously comes from and is talking to white, upper-middle class (high-upper-middle?) western Mormon, and she unabashedly makes generalizations from that limited world view. At times she was condescending, shallow, contradictory and self-important, but not everything she said was to be ignored. She did have some useful points to ponder.
I give it a three because the good outweighed the bad. -And I'm not sure if her and I would be friends or not if she were in my community, but she sounded like a Trekkie who likes to camp and doesn't like to cook, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she's a flawed human with some good ideas that would be interesting to go on a hike with. Who am I to criticize, I've never written a book.
September 30, 2008
3rd Blurb. President Kimball couseled, "Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy.... These people will do well to reevaluate, to renew their courting, to express their affection, to acknowledge kindness, and to increase their consideration so their marriage again can become beautiful, sweet, and growing."
2nd Blurb from the book. "You need to nourish your body for YOU, not just your husband. You want to feel good about yourself. You want to feel fit and healthy. It is worth every ounce of effort. And while you're in this process, you will teach your children the importance of health, fitness, and respecting yourself. Your body is a gift from God; do not neglect it".
Just a blurb from the book. "We have been adamant on the 9:00 P.M. rule. At that time, we insist that they go to their rooms. "Husband and Wife Hour has begun!" I like it!!!!
2nd Blurb from the book. "You need to nourish your body for YOU, not just your husband. You want to feel good about yourself. You want to feel fit and healthy. It is worth every ounce of effort. And while you're in this process, you will teach your children the importance of health, fitness, and respecting yourself. Your body is a gift from God; do not neglect it".
Just a blurb from the book. "We have been adamant on the 9:00 P.M. rule. At that time, we insist that they go to their rooms. "Husband and Wife Hour has begun!" I like it!!!!
April 1, 2009
I think this book is a must read for any wife. I plan to buy a copy for my daughter who isn't even dating anyone serious yet and put it away for her to read during her one-day engagement period. I loved learning about the different cycles in marriage, the "SeeSaw principle" (keeping emotional balance), and "NMP" (not my problem; don't try to fix everyone's problems). My favorite quote from the book: "you can't 'fall out of love,' because love is something you decide". I admit the title of this book made me feel a bit uncomfortable (I actually read this one 'in hiding' so my husband wouldn't see the cover because I really do not feel like strangling him and I didn't want him to think I was feeling that way. I just want to understand his needs better and learn to be a better wife). This book got me focusing on my weaknesses more than my husband's, and gave me some tools that I can use to make his life journey with me (and,therefore, MY journey too) more enjoyable!
August 22, 2009
I read this book about 4 years ago and I absolutely LOVED, LOVED, LOVED it!!! It really helped me to communicate with my husband better. It also helped me to appreciate him more by recognizing the little things he does on a daily basis. Men are really very simple...give them love, affection and food and they are happy ( emphasis on affection :D ). We are the complicated ones! :D Seriously this book was so good. I would compare it to "The proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr Laura....but way better! Marrilee Boyack isn't so harsh that it turns you off and she uses Gospel principles to help you understand the roles of men and women. I loved this book so much that I recommend it to everyone...I even taught a class about it for Enrichment night! I have always had a good marriage, but after reading this book it has been GREAT!
February 22, 2008
This is the second book I have read by this author and I have to say I love her writing. She is very practical, straight forward, and most important humorous. I loved the title of this book. As I started reading I came to the reality that in order to make my marriage stronger I needed to first look at myself and start changing. One of the things that stuck out most in my mind was that to ALWAYS put your spouse first and formost above EVERYTHING else. That includes your children. This is another book (along with her book The Parenting Breakthrough) that I will not let anyone borrow. You will have to get your own :) This is one that I hope to read over and over from time to time to remind myself and keep improving. Good read.
August 22, 2008
This is a small book of only 177 pages. I recommend it for everyone. Many of the relationship improvement ideas go for children as well as spouses so I recommend it even for singles. A friend gave me the book 2 months ago and I wasn't that interested in reading it obviously. So I just finished it and I'm really glad I read it. Boyack is an estate attorney so works with lots of people going through divorce. She has also been married for over 20 years and is raising 4 sons. She is a featured speaker at lots of family-type conferences and she is a city councilwoman in her California town. She is kind of silly at times but also her sense of humor makes the read an easy one. Her recommendations are generally sensible and easy to implement.
November 12, 2009
before someone thinks I want to strangle Chad, that is NOT why I am reading this book. A cousin told me it was a great read with insight on how to improve as a wife. It is NOT a book about how to change your husband. I am just in Mommy mode so much of the time I wanted some inspiration on how to focus more on my role as the wife of the most wonderful hubby in the world! It has been very inspirational so far!
I finished and I loved it! Lots to think about and pray about in this book. I highly recommend it to any of my friends who feel like there just isn't enough time to be a mommy AND a wife during this season of their life. I love Boyack! She is such a fun author to read. It is like talking to my friend Monica.
I finished and I loved it! Lots to think about and pray about in this book. I highly recommend it to any of my friends who feel like there just isn't enough time to be a mommy AND a wife during this season of their life. I love Boyack! She is such a fun author to read. It is like talking to my friend Monica.
January 17, 2010
Loved this! Laughed a lot and learned a lot. Adam commented that when I was reading this, he could tell a difference.
Ideas I got from this book -
Treat him as if - treat him as if he's whatever quality you're wanting him to have.
Don't put other people or things, including children, before him.
Give myself time.
Spend effort on myself - my looks, my health, my knowledge.
Biggest idea I'm implementing - let him own his own problems. Don't fix it for him. If it doesn't hurt you, don't nag him (i.e. home teaching) and don't do it for him (pick up his socks off the floor, clothes not in the hamper). I've been realizing that if wants to leave his pajamas at the foot of the bed, it doesn't hurt me to leave them there. I'm letting it go.
Ideas I got from this book -
Treat him as if - treat him as if he's whatever quality you're wanting him to have.
Don't put other people or things, including children, before him.
Give myself time.
Spend effort on myself - my looks, my health, my knowledge.
Biggest idea I'm implementing - let him own his own problems. Don't fix it for him. If it doesn't hurt you, don't nag him (i.e. home teaching) and don't do it for him (pick up his socks off the floor, clothes not in the hamper). I've been realizing that if wants to leave his pajamas at the foot of the bed, it doesn't hurt me to leave them there. I'm letting it go.
May 1, 2011
Definitely a book I'd recommend to all of my married female friends, particularly those who want to look at marriage with an LDS perspective and have LDS sources quoted. I enjoyed the humor, though I didn't find myself laughing uproariously. Just a light-hearted, honest approach. Much of the tone reminded me very much of my friend Serene's blog. Many things I gained that I can apply to my life now. So much that I want to be sure I include and keep in mind when I am married--I hope I can!! A couple of things that I was "uh, ok" about--but it was more in how it was said and not the actual advice.
P.S. I found it hilarious when one part was so familiar, and then realizing it had been quoted in the Bytheway marriage book I'd read just a couple weeks earlier.
P.S. I found it hilarious when one part was so familiar, and then realizing it had been quoted in the Bytheway marriage book I'd read just a couple weeks earlier.
September 9, 2012
I put off reading this book because I felt like things were pretty great between Ryan and me. However, when a friend told me it was great I decided to check it out, and was pleasantly surprised. I feel like the title may mislead some readers, or potential readers. It should really be something like, "How to Be Married to a Man."
Let's be honest, men are different creatures then women. Boyack writes a light-hearted book about how to be the best wife which will help your husband become his best self. This is a book I would like to re-read on an annual basis so I can remember not to nag my husband, let him own his problems, and remember to dress up pretty and flirt with my husband. An excellent book!
Let's be honest, men are different creatures then women. Boyack writes a light-hearted book about how to be the best wife which will help your husband become his best self. This is a book I would like to re-read on an annual basis so I can remember not to nag my husband, let him own his problems, and remember to dress up pretty and flirt with my husband. An excellent book!
January 6, 2016
I read this book because it sounded interesting, and I was willing to bet most of the principles apply equally the other way: for a husband interacting with his wife. In this I was correct: the most important principles apply equally.
Although there was very little in here that I didn't know already, this book does have several meaningful ideas / principles / pieces of advice which would help any couple. In addition, although I already knew most things, this book helped me develop an increased understanding of those principles and why they work. It was definitely worth reading, and probably keeping for reference.
Although there was very little in here that I didn't know already, this book does have several meaningful ideas / principles / pieces of advice which would help any couple. In addition, although I already knew most things, this book helped me develop an increased understanding of those principles and why they work. It was definitely worth reading, and probably keeping for reference.
May 13, 2009
I am reading this book for the second time and I'm sure I'll read it again someday. It is excellent! I loved the title and showed my husband and he laughed because he knows sometimes I wish it was an option, hee, hee!
For me, reading this books helps me to appreciate and love my husband so much more and to give myself a little bit of a break and realize that we have eternity to figure things out and we're trying our best!
Merrilee gives great advice with humor and intermixes with a strong spiritual sense of how important marriage is.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who is married, whether they're newlyweds or silver.
For me, reading this books helps me to appreciate and love my husband so much more and to give myself a little bit of a break and realize that we have eternity to figure things out and we're trying our best!
Merrilee gives great advice with humor and intermixes with a strong spiritual sense of how important marriage is.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who is married, whether they're newlyweds or silver.
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