Define the Relationship: A Candid Look at Breaking Up, Making Up, and Dating Well

by Jeramy Clark

Ken thinks he and Becky are just having fun together. Becky is already picking out bridesmaid dresses.

Melissa has decided to break up with Tony. Tony thinks Melissa is “the one.”

Are miscommunications like this unavoidable? What’s the best way to end a relationship–or to take it to a more serious level?

Chances are, you’ve heard of “The Talk.” Every romantic relationship comes to the point where things need to be defined or Do we become romantically exclusive? Is our relationship ready (or not ready) to move to the next level? What are our boundaries and expectations? Is it possible to “just be friends”?

Getting all the cards on the table. Communicating openly and honestly. It sounds like a great idea, right? The tough question is, how do you communicate in a way that significantly benefits you both–and doesn’t leave you dreading those important conversations in the future?

In Define the Relationship, you’ll find everything you need to know about positively defining and redefining your current or future dating relationships. Written in light of the complexities of dating today, this long-needed resource will help you avoid painful and confusing dating dilemmas and experience instead the freedom of well-defined, spiritually grounded, and truly rewarding relationships.

Genres: Relationships, Christian

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 20, 2004

Reviews

[Yilina Li · Rating 4 out of 5]

I randomly picked this up at Barnes & Noble yesterday and I really liked it. I wish I had read this book earlier, like, at the beginning of this school year. It would've prevented some of the frustration and hurt I've had to experience this year, but I'm glad I read it now rather than never. I really liked the 3-4 chapters I read in this book. It was the first time I've ever heard of 'emotional promiscuity' and how many Christian couples "substitute emotional intimacy for physical intimacy. They can't 'go all the way' physically so they 'go all the way' emotionally instead, giving all of themselves on a level that seems less dangerous." I had never thought about how to guard my heart in relationships (and even in friendships!) and about the importance of being emotionally chaste. It reminded me to actively practice having self-control, patience, and wisdom in my relationships. And that relationships are defined by prayer and both person's characters. A few more quotes I liked: "Pacing your relationship emotionally is essential to maintaining purity. It requires a lot to condition your heart and spirit and then monitor your emotional levels, but the effort will prove a worthwhile pursuit when you enter marriage or when you move on to another season in life free of the baggage of past attachments to others." & "Honesty can result in inappropriate intimacy." & "Men, if a woman tries to force emotional closeness, stand firm just as you would if she came on to you sexually" (super convicting for me). & "Just because you avoid sexual immorality doesn't mean you've chosen a healthy path for your relationship."
I'm sure this book probably has its flaws, but I really liked the chapters I read. This book probably isn't for everyone, but I would still recommend it, especially to people who have struggled/still struggle with having Christ-centered, Spirit-filled relationships.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent book on relationships for the Christian single. Some parts were a bit cheesy or a little over the top, but I think the good outweighed the bad. Good advice on how to communicate clearly at different stages of your relationship without over-analyzing either, and navigating fights, boundaries, and emotions.

[Kelli · Rating 3 out of 5]

I haven't read a relationship book in years. Years! I haven't because mostly they depress me with their fluff. While this one had me gawking at the book by the introduction. The authors are honest about how we seek cultural love, and just expect love to come without any work. We have believed that falling in love is just like a chick flick, and that's a dangerous revelation. There were things in this book I didn't love, and I skimmed over the middle bits. Its very practical with little emotion put into the mix.

[Scott Worden · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this in college. It seemed a bit too innocent but I got some good points out of it such as how to set boundaries in a Christian relationship. It was also a good reminder to communicate with your loved one to make sure you are both on the same page in the relationship.

[Mmuskopf1 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was good.

[hana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book 6 years ago as a gift and finally got around to reading it. I thought they had some good points and reminders about what a healthy godly relationship looks like.