Lighten Up!

by Chieko N. Okazaki

Excellent advice, and how to accomplish it.

Genres: Religion, Lds, Nonfiction, Church, Inspirational, Self Help, Spirituality

Audio Cassette

First published February 1, 1993

About the author

Chieko N. Okazaki was the first non-Caucasian to serve on a general board of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and was a counselor in the general Relief Society presidency from 1990 to 1997. She is the author of several bestselling books and tapes. She and her husband, the late Ed Okazaki, have two sons.

Reviews

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't have enough praise for Okazaki. As I mentioned in a comment while I was reading, her words are a balm for wounds and weariness. It spoke to me in very personal ways about every dozen pages, reorienting some long-standing narratives in my head through healing.

[Beth Given · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshing and different (yet doctrinal!) book. As someone who holds themselves to high standards and tends to see things as black-and-white, Sister Okazaki had plenty to teach me! I think we all need to "lighten up" -- to turn to the Savior, the light of the world, and drop our heavy burdens and be yoked with Him whose burden is light.

"That's all the Lord wants of you -- you, yourself. And that's all you can give. You can't be someone you aren't. You can't give someone else's gift. Who and what you are is enough, and each gift, given like this, is glorious!" (p. 69)

"The Doctrine and Covenants explains, 'The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind.' (D&C 64:34). It doesn't say that the Lord requires competence, or a PhD, or immaculate housekeeping, or professional success. But it doesn't say that he'll be satisfied with a half-hearted you, either." (p. 69)

"Light doesn't compete with darkness. Suppose you're in a dark room and you want to get rid of darkness. You can't catch the darkness and put it in a box. You can't sweep it out the door. You can't find a hole that the darkness is coming in through and nail a board over it ... The more you grapple with the dark, the further away you are from getting rid of it. Only light dispels darkness. Darkness and light can't occupy the same space ... If there's darkness in your life, don't grapple with it, don't dwell on it, don't stay involved in it. Get to the light switch!" (pp. 200-201)

[Jenava · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book because, even though she is devout LDS, she doesn't focus on being a good Mormon at all. It is ALL about being a good christian and a good human being. I found this a breath of fresh air after so many nauseating church books:)!!!!!!

[Danae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I loved the way Chieko made gospel principles so easy to grasp and understand and the way she told stories to help make her point. I love the way she talked about charity and letting Christ into our daily lives. Definitely gave me something to think about and work towards. Some of her stories/points hit me hard and had me crying while reading them. Loved, loved, loved this one!!!

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember seeing this one on my parent's shelves growing up but never reading it. I finally got it from the library and there were so many chapters that were just what I needed to hear at that moment. Choosing joy, no matter our circumstances. Serving others. Trusting the Lord. Loved this one.

[Christi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved reading a book by this believing, female Mormon author who served in the General Relief Society Presidency--but who was not the type of GA we're used to hearing from. Okazaki is of Japanese-American heritage, a working mom, and a convert. I found her insights on balance and diversity so, so refreshing, and her positive outlook (when there were many things in her life that could have potentially been crushing) not only an example, but actually sincere. What a woman she was.

[Ian Swaner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chieko Okazaki lives up to the hype! This is a true feel good book. I felt happier and my spirits lifted each time I picked it up

[Sheri · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a wonderful book! Normally, I'm not a big reader of spiritual or self-help books. I shamefully tend to lean toward the shallow, easy to understand fiction. I've been trying hard to change this. So when a friend of mine suggested this book after I was berating myself for being a bad mom, I decided to throw caution to the wind and give it shot. While I will admit that it didn't exactly keep me captivated the whole time (which should be obvious since I've been reading this book for months on end), it really had some wonderful lessons.

I came away from this book with a wonderful appreciation for the amazing author who knew just what I - and every other woman who thinks she needs to be perfect - need to hear. It's OK that I lose my temper with my kids. It's OK that I asked to be released from a calling that brought me to tears every week last year. It's OK that I don't say my prayers every single night and that I've never canned my own peaches, or that I don't even know where to start when it comes to genealogy. No one is perfect, and the only person who expects you to be is usually yourself. It's rare that I read a self-help book (religious or not) that I finish thinking, "You know, I don't need to fix everything. As long as I keep doing my best, I'm perfectly ok with who I am." I really, truly loved the message. The section that I loved most and that really brought this message home for me was Embracing Charity.

While this book does has it's slow points and feels a bit long sometimes, it is most definitely worth a read and I would highly recommend it to those who feel like they just need to lose a few burdens and...well...Lighten Up!

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is interesting that this book is a compilation of various talks, devotionals, and firesides of Sister Okazaki. She is a good speaker and very motivational. I love it when some one tells me I am doing better than I think I am, but that I can do better. Has anyone heard that before? I guess I am getting too old. I have heard the same things over and over again. I guess it is good that after the 5th time I finally get it. If you belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS, then I think it is great to read a book like this every now and then. It is not the good "doctrine type" book that I love reading. I did learn several things (or re-learn) reading this.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chieko Okazaki is pretty much my favorite Mormon leader to ever walk the planet. This book is engagingly written, kind, and generous. Chieko never makes you feel bad about yourself--hey, and a few times there she almost managed to convince me that God likes me, too--and talks about real women's issues and feelings. If I had my druthers, we'd pitch the TotPotC manuals out the window and teach Chieko's sermons in Relief Society instead. I don't recommend church books lightly. I recommend this one.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like Chieko Okazaki was really ahead of her time in her way of thinking and so in her life during the 1950s-70s and at the time of publication (1993) a lot of her ideas probably seemed more enlightening and new than they did to me reading it today. I still enjoyed the book though, she has a spunky personality and a lot of great things to say; her perspective just didn't seem as novel and different as I was expecting it to be based on the good things I had heard about the book.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sister Okazaki was my 1st grade teacher and a good friend of my parents. But I didn't appreciate her then as much as I do now. I love her straight-forward approach to life. All of her advise makes very good sense to me.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okazaki is just the kind of Mormon I aspire to be - rock solid in her testimony of the atonement, embracing diverse life experiences, forgiving, service-oriented, a thoughtful reader of the scriptures, wise, and hopeful. It is always a treat to learn from her words.

[Tori · Rating 4 out of 5]

"We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer — how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism. Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy.

He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down’s Syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only visitors are children, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there.

He’s been lower than all that.

He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief.”

[Jaclyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chieko Okazaki is one of my very favorite women of faith. I love her optimism and her honesty. Her tenacious spirit and commitment to being herself was remarkable. I loved reading this and appreciated her encouragement during a very chaotic stage of life. Both the audio and the hard copy are equally enjoyable to read.

Happy reading and happy lighter living-

[Brooke Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading for anyone who belongs to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Full stop. This author is everything I ever want to be in my spirituality, faith in Jesus Christ, embrace of others who view the world differently than I do, and pure charity for myself and others.

[Jenessa Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some of my favorite Chieko Okazaki quotes are in this book. I've loved them for years, so it felt extra good to read those quotes and stories in context with her book. Her words are always worth reading for me.

[Anneli Hardy · Rating 5 out of 5]

She is amazing!

[Tonya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love her perspective on just about everything.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, I love Sister Okazaki! She was way ahead of her time and had a brilliant understanding of what it means to truly live the gospel, even if it looks far different from the way others strive to do the same.

[Jacque · Rating 4 out of 5]

We read this aloud for school. CN gave it 3 stars. MK, MD and I gave it 4 stars. CN said it was good but he was not a woman. Mattea thought it was a good, inspirational book, but it was dry sometimes. MD really liked that her emphasis was that you won’t be perfect and it is okay to say no. I loved that the author uses experiences from her life to teach concepts. It was repetitive towards the end.

[Jaron Dunford · Rating 4 out of 5]

Notes / Stories:

Sometimes we save all our Christianity for other members of the church.

Children want to feel special and important, and Satan's counterfeit way of achieving that goal, even in little children, is to make someone else feel unimportant, unspecial, wrong. It's kindness only for those who are like us. How much like us do they have to be?


Heavenly Father doesn't want to hear only nice prayers. He wants to hear real prayers on his prayers. How many times are our evening prayers? Just one more chore. Scoop up the evening paper and put it away. Jot celery salt on the shopping list. Collect that dirty sock from the hamper. Brush your teeth and drop to your knees. We all know how to say prayers. We know the polite. Of we thank you for the gospel, we ask you to bless the missionaries. But who are we trying to kid? Jesus has just seen the stove or the spaghetti spoiled, boiled over, and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the only thing that had ever boiled over on that stove. He heard you muttered when you picked up the one sock, just as you've been doing for the past. Years he caught that worry about the dentist bill that flash across your mind when you're putting toothpaste on your brush. He doesn't want polite platitudes. He wants you, all of you. He wants you to be the center of your total life. The worried you, the mad you and the sad you, as well as the inspired, happy, obedient, loving you.

The Savior calls us to do 2 things, to come to Him, and to open the door to our hearts and let Him come to us. The apostle Paul, struggling for words to express how complete our access is, says, For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height. For depth nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ our Lord.

Spiritual strength is personal. It's individual. It's part of our lives that doesn't belong to a church program. The church can put us in a good places where we have increased opportunities to build our spirituality, but the church can't make it happen for us if we don't take advantage of those opportunities.


remembered Betsie's bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for. (The Hiding Place, pp. 208-9.


I remember an experience when all four points were demonstrated to me. When we moved to Utah, I was the first exchange teacher from Hawaii to teach at Uintah Elementary School in Salt Lake City. I had taught elementary school for three years in Hawaii and loved it thoroughly. I knew I could be a successful teacher. But still, I felt twinges of apprehension.
It had not been all that long since the end of World War II, and I was braced for some racism.
I was not surprised, then, when my principal called me into the office a few days before school started. Her face told me
instantly that something was wrong. Hesitantly she said, 'I'm very sorry to say that three of the mothers of students assigned to your second grade have requested that they be transferred to a different room. They don't want their children to have a Japanese teacher."
"Oh, no problem!" I said cheerfully. "Don't worry about it. It's fine with me to make the switch. I will love whoever comes into my class." She looked at me in amazement, then breathed a sigh of relief. When I told Ed about the incident that night, I laughed and said, "Three out of thirty-five isn't bad! I have thirty-two students who want me, and three more who are going to have that chance."
Then I poured all my efforts into making that first day a success. In those days of limited and expensive travel, Hawaii was exotic; and I was Japanese-American from Hawaii, which made me exotic, too. I resolved to be exotic. I made a fuschia-colored dress that showed off my skin and black hair and tucked a fuschia flower in my hair. I was the most vivid thing in the whole school that first day.
The custom was for each teacher to meet her children on the playground, call the roll so that each child would know where to come, and lead her children into the classroom. The other two second-grade teachers, as a courtesy to me, said,
"Would you like to assemble your class first?"' I was absolutely delighted. It was exactly what I had hoped for.
I knew there was a lot of curiosity about me, because many of the second-grade mothers were there with their children. It could have been a threatening situation. I could have chosen to feel frightened and let the children and parents feel that. Or I could have chosen to be ultra-stern and rigidly professional by way of covering that up. But what I wanted the children to feel was my own joy and excitement. LIGHTEN UP!
I still remember opening the roll book, calling each child's name clearly, looking directly at each child as he or she came into line, smiling, and making some comment. "Tames Back-man -what a nice name!" (He came and stood before me and said, "My dad is president of the Salt Lake Board of Educa-tion.") "Beth Benson - how carefully you've tied your hair rib-bons!" (And she said, "My dad is an apostle in the Church!") You can see how I could have felt just a little intimidated. But when I led them off, I could feel their anticipation.
That very afternoon, the principal took me aside, smiling a little. "Chieko," she said, "I just wanted you to know that those three mothers— you know, the ones who wanted their children in the other classrooms? -have come and asked if their children can be transferred back to you. I told them 'op-portunity knocks only once! " She laughed, "Can you imagine how furious the other mothers would be if I tried to talk them into transferring their children out of your room?" My Japaneseness could have been a limitation. In fact, to those three parents initially it was a limitation. But because I was willing to work with it instead of letting it work against me, and because I did the best I could do, it turned into a wonderful experience for all of us.
The Lord is not shocked by, embarrassed about, or angry at our limitations. Instead, he makes a promise of incredible gen-erosity, kindness, and absolutely unequivocal love to all of us:
"And if [you] come unto me, I will show unto (you your) weakness. I give unto [you] weakness that [you may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all who humble themselves before me, for if [you humble (yourself before me, and of great kindness." (Nehemiah 9:17.)



Forgiveness is not the same thing as pretending that there's nothing to forgive. Great wrongs inspire deep indignation. It does no good to pretend that we are not angry when injustice, cruelty, or sheer stupidity destroys peace and happiness in our families and communities. We should not pretend that something doesn't matter or didn't hurt us when it does matter and it did hurt.
But we also need to remember that forgiveness is one of the blessings that lies within God's gifts. A dramatic example of this gift comes from the life of Corrie Ten Boom, who survived incarceration in a World War II concentration camp with her radiant testimony of the power of God intact. Then years later, she was speaking at a church service in Munich when:
I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravens-bruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there-the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face. FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS
He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. "How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein," he said. "To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!"
His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often... the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.
I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not.
I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity.
And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness.
As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened.
From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.
And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself. (The Hiding Place, p. 239.)
Not all of us will have such great wrongs to forgive, but all of us must learn how to forgive the wrongs that are inflicted on us. Let's remember Corrie's lesson -that our Savior will give us the means of fulfilling this commandment if we struggle to do our part. I gained another insight when I read the account of Sister Eileen Starr. Her mother dutifully cooked meals for her and her sister and bought their clothes, but the children


Isn't it terrible to think that we might be neglecting the spiritual gifts of faith, hope, and charity in favor of checklists and assignments? Or to realize that we might be spending more time on retreshments and centerpieces than on the gifts of discernment, testimony, and prophecy by which we could truly minister to our sisters? In our general Relief Society presidency, Elaine and Aileen and I don't spend very much time looking at statistics that come in. We certainly don't compare wards and stakes. Instead, we pray that personal testimonies and charity will increase, that individual women and their families will be blessed by the Relief Society, and that we will enjoy a unified sisterhood.
You, in whatever callings you have throughout your own life, will face many choices between serving the program and serving an individual. I believe that if we truly serve individuals in the Lord's way, we'll have less trouble with the program.
There's a wonderful story about President McKay that illustrates the distinction. Irene Bates tells the story, which involved her husband, Bill, the first British president of Manchester Stake in England during the 1960s.
It was customary for the stake presidents and two bishops, chosen in turn, to be invited to attend general conference, with traveling expenses being paid by the Church. In this particular year, the instructions came to bring all of the bishops and branch presidents.
"Bill was sure this was an error," recalls Sister Bates,
"and so he waited for the correction to come." It didn't, so he called N. Eldon Tanner, then president of the European Mission. President Tanner confirmed that the instructions indeed said to invite bishops and branch presidents - all of them." Still Bill hesitated. Finally, President Tanner called him: "I'm waiting for the names from your stake," he re-
minded Bill.
Bill, still with secret trepidation, obediently issued the invitations. The bishops and branch presidents were de. lighted with the prospect of coming to Salt Lake City, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for most of them. Then, the very next Monday, Bill received word that the first instructions had in fact been in error. He was told to select two bishops and tell the rest that they would not be able to go.
Bill was heartsick, especially for Brother Vernon, the branch president in the small town of Rawtenstall. The Church was his whole life. He and his wife willingly opened their small home for the branch meetings, and Brother Vernon used to moonlight by digging ditches to earn money for the building fund. People in that tiny branch used to pay tithing and then walk to work so they could make ends meet.
Bill knew that the forthcoming trip had been a major cele-bration, not only in the branch but in the town as well. With great pride, the local paper had featured the forthcoming trip.
Brother Vernon's employer had been gracious and eager to give him time off work. Everyone was simply thrilled. It was the innocence of that anticipation that Bill could not bear to think of disappointing.
Bill lay awake all night, trying to think of a plan. He was willing to give Brother Vernon his own place, but that would have revealed the situation. We would willingly have paid his expenses ourselves; but if he were not officially invited, he wouldn't have a place reserved at the meetings. Finally, in deep distress, he phoned... Marion D. Hanks, president of the British Mission, explained the situation, and said, "I don't see anything to do but to call President Mckay and lay the situation before him." President Hanks replied warmly, "I couldn't advise you to do that, President Bates, but here's President McKay's direct number."
Bill hung up the phone and looked at the number for a long moment, then said, "I've got to do it." He went back in the office while I waited outside. He got straight through to President McKay's secretary, who put him straight through to President McKay. Bill poured out the whole story while President McKay listened without saying a word. At the end, while Bill waited in an agony of suspense, President McKay said, "I see," and paused thoughtfully. After the longest ten seconds in Bill's life, President McKay said,
"You're quite right, President Bates. It would be very wrong to do that to that good man. We must have them all come.
Please do me a favor and let me call President Tanner."
Bill came out of the office with tears streaming down his face. Within a day, he had word from President Tanner that the original instructions were to stand. Brother Vernon and the others went. They had a wonderful experience, particularly Brother Vernon. He came back infused with new life, feeling connected to the Church as he never had before.
Proudly the local newspaper reported his experience and views. The whole tiny branch basked in reflected glory. And they never knew.
Doesn't that decision seem right! I imagine that somewhere, in some office, somebody shook his head and said, "That President Mckay! Always changing the instructions. Why can't he just follow the program?"




Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsie were Dutch women and devout Christians who hid Jews in their home during World War II, until the sisters were captured by the Gestapo and imprisoned. When they were transferred to Ravens t wome concentrin cam, and into new quarters, their barracks were crawling with fleas.
Corrie and Betsie had always been scrupulously clean and these vermin were abhorrent to them. Corrie tells the story:
"Here! And here's another one!" I wailed. "Betsie, how can we live in such a place!"
"Show us. Show us how." It was said so matter of factly it took me a second to realize she was praying. More and more the distinction between prayer and the rest of life seemed to be vanishing for Betsie.
"Corrie!" she said excitedly. "He's given us the answer!
Before we asked, as He always does! In the Bible this morn-ing. Where was it? Read that part again!"
I glanced down the long dim aisle to make sure no guard was in sight, then drew the Bible from its pouch.... "Here it is: 'Comfort the frightened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all.... Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus-' "
"That's it, Corrie! That's his answer. 'Give thanks in all circumstances!' That's what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new barracks!"
I stared at her, then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.
"Such as?" I said.
"Such as being assigned here together."
I bit my lip. "Oh yes, Lord Jesus!"
"Such as what you're holding in your hands." I looked down at the Bible. "Yes! Thank you, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here! Thank you for all the women, here in this room, who will meet you in these pages." LIMITATIONS: A FINE LINE
"Yes," said Betsie, "Thank you for the very crowding here.
Since we're packed so close, that many more will hear!" She looked at me expectantly. "Corrie!" she prodded.
stuffed, packed, suffocating crowds."
"Oh, all right. Thank you for the jammed, crammed,
"Thank you," Betsie went on serenely, "for the fleas and
for-”
The fleas! This was too much. "Betsie, there's no way even
God can make me grateful for a flea."
'Give thanks in all circumstances, " she quoted. "It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances! Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."
And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong. (Corrie Ten Boom, with John and Elizabeth Sherrill, The Hiding Place [New York: Bantam Books, 1971), pp. 197-99.)
But as events turned out, it was Betsie who was right. Both Corrie and Betsie were diligent missionaries, constantly bearing testimony to God, bringing the hope of Christ to women trapped in that dreadful place. Betsie was too sick to go out with the brigades of women workers into the forest where the women had to gather wood. She was assigned to knit stockings for German soldiers; and because there were so many women, Betsie was in a group that had to work in the barracks instead of the work room.
She was a lightning knitter who completed her quota... long before noon. She kept our Bible with her and spent hours each [afternoon] reading aloud from it, moving from [sleeping) platform to platform.
One evening I got back to the barracks late.... Betsie was waiting for me, as always, so that we could wait through the food line together. Her eyes were twinkling.
"You're looking extraordinarily pleased with yourself," I told her.
"You know we've never understood why we had so much freedom in the big room," she said. "Well — I've found out." That afternoon, she said, there'd been confusion in her knitting group about sock sizes and they'd asked the supervisor to come and settle it.
"But she wouldn't. She wouldn't step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?"' Betsie could not keep the triumph from her voice: "Because of the fleas! That's what she said, 'That place is crawling with fleas.'"
My mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie's bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for. (The Hiding Place, pp. 208-9.)
So Betsie was right after all! Doesn't this give us a different perspective on our own problems and about the power of giving thanks for circumstances that we may consider only handi-caps?

[Sydney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dare I say this is the best book I've ever read?? Loved, loved, LOVED, don't mind me sobbing on the plane in seat 32C.

[Melanie Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Cheiko!

[Melanee Parker]

Can I claim this woman as my patron saint? She is amazing.

[Brianna Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book expanded my understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Chieko writes in a way that is relatable and heartfelt.

[McKenzie Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every LDS woman should read this — such an eye-opening perspective and a book that brings you closer to the Savior.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book of light and joy and testimony of Jesus Christ and how He wants to be with us and help us carry our burdens and find His light. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

"When life's got you overrun, then lighten up.
Think of all the good you've done and lighten up.
If your job is just half done and Your big battle's just half won,
Pat yourself on half your back and lighten up.
If you're feeling loaded down then lighten up.
Shrug your shoulders, sing a song, and lighten up.
With a friend or two beside you And the Savior's love to guide you,
Let some sunshine back inside you--Lighten up!"

"We are all different and deal with diverse circumstances. Diversity is a strength, not a division (p. 4)."

"If you're doing the best you can, that's good enough (p. 5)."

"'Lighten up' isn't a message that implies, 'Be irresponsible.' It's a message for women who are already taking their responsibilities too seriously that they feel burdened and weighed down by them. Remember that lovely promise from the Savior... 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me... my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'... Jesus wants to be our yokefellow, yet how often we struggle on, insisting on pulling the whole load ourselves (p. 5)."

"The greatest bridge of all is the culture of the gospel (p. 8)."

"Because I was willing to be a servant--because I was willing to help--I learned things about the world I lived in that I could not have otherwise discovered for many years (p. 9)."

"'I'm a little pencil in the hands of God. He does the thinking. He does the writing. He does everything... sometimes it's a broken pencil. He has to sharpen it a little more. But be a broken instrument in His hands so that He can use you anytime, anywhere (Mother Teresa, p. 10).'"

"Love is not just a nice feeling about someone. It is the pure and joyful pulse of the universe, and being in tune with it means you are in tune with the forces that bind together the stars on one hand and atoms on the other. If we truly love each other, most differences become irrelevant and most forms of help are pure delight (p. 13)."

"The Savior didn't want to give his followers a better version of the old life; he wanted to give them a new life (p. 15)."

"In principles, great clarity. In practices, great charity (p. 17)."

"Lighten up! Drop those unrealistic expectations... Never compare ourselves spiritually to someone else either (p. 19)."

"'Commitment didn't just happen... It was a conscious decision (p. 24).'"

"Teach your children the gospel... You get to choose what works for you and your family. So lighten up! Lighten up about yourself--and about other people (p. 25)."

"'Ideals are stars to steer by. They are not a stick to beat ourselves with (Barbara Smith, p. 25).'"

"We must find ways to pray together, to bear testimony together, to share the ways in which the Savior touches and blesses our lives. If I know how you feel about Jesus Christ, I am much less worried with how you feel about many other things (p. 27)."

"We attend schools we did not build. We read books we did not print. We wear clothes that someone else sewed for us. We eat food that someone else grew for us... We learn the gospel from teachers who have prepared themselves for our sake... There are people to whom we should express appreciation for sacrifices. There are reverent ways in which we should use natural resources, consider the contributions of others, honor those who have gone before (p. 31)."

"To acknowledge our dependence, our debt, our relationship to God and to one another does not make us powerless or weak. Rather, it is a relationship of great joy... Whatever we can return is not payment for that sacrifice, but rather a joyful acknowledgment of our relationship and the ties that bind us together (p. 32)."

"Whatever your season is, enjoy it. Don't try to concentrate on the tasks of another season, or cram too many seasons together (p. 33)."

"What is your season? What are its special challenges, its unique knowledge, its delightful rewards? Rejoice in them. Do not worry that they are different from the discoveries of another season or from someone else's season. Do things in order. Meet this season of your life wholeheartedly (p. 34)."

"Do not try to fit your life into someone else's idea of what you should be (p. 36)."

"Many times when people help us, we have no way to return our thanks directly and must be contented with helping someone else in need (p. 38)."

"'Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me. I am Jesus Christ (D&C 19:23-24, p. 39).'"

"There was nothing I could do about cancer except put myself in the hands of the Lord (p. 42)."

"Is there something you can also consecrate--something that perhaps you never thought the Lord might want? We think of limitations as something to get rid of, and certainly we should not cling involuntarily to any limitation that hinders our spiritual growth. But what about a physical handicap? What does offering deafness or blindness to the Lord make of that handicap?... Don't think that the Lord can do without any of your gifts, no matter how you feel about them (p. 43)."

"I don't know why one grain of sand will produce a baroque pearl and another a spherical pearl. But what I admire is what each of those oysters has done with that irritating grain of sand--how it has transformed a limitation into a beautiful pearl. We all have limitations. No matter how rich or righteous or lucky we are, there are always limitations that we bump up against in mortality... Think of ourselves as pearls in the making--pearls of great price (p. 44)."

"''Give thanks in all circumstances.'... It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances (p. 47).''"

"What does this day require of us? This is a day that calls for courage, a day that calls for forgiveness, and a day that calls for ministering, rather than administering (p. 56)."

"Women of courage can articulate the sin clearly but maintain compassion and courtesy in dealing with the sinner (p. 57)."

"This is a day that requires the private courage to see the truth and embrace it as our own and also the public courage to carry out those moral decisions with integrity, courtesy, and civility (p. 59)."

"Forgiveness is not the same thing as pretending that there's nothing to forgive... It does no good to pretend that we are not angry when injustice, cruelty, or sheer stupidity destroys peace and happiness in our families and communities. We should not pretend that something doesn't matter or didn't hurt us when it does matter and it did hurt (p. 60)."

"Often we have callings that we want to be a joy to us and to each other, but they turn into a job... we turn into administrators. And the joy of our callings gets squeezed out under the weight of these jobs. Joy comes from serving others and delighting in our sisterhood--in ministering rather than administering for each other (p. 63)."

"The Spirit of God is already in us, even though we may not feel it or may not recognize it or may not be doing everything we should (p. 68)."

"That's all the Lord wants of you--you, yourself. And that's all you can give. You can't be someone you aren't. You can't give someone else's gift. Who and what you are is enough, and each gift, given like this, is glorious (p. 69)!"

"We need to be patient with ourselves if things don't seem to be happening for us the way we think they should (p. 72)."

"We don't have to be in a sacred place for spiritual things to happen... because you're a temple--a living, breathing, walking temple on two legs with a spirit that's in motion, seeing the needs of many, meeting the needs of many, sometimes tuned in fully and beautifully to the indwelling Spirit of the Lord (p. 73)."

"We need to listen to that still small voice rather than to the thunderous crashes of public opinion, or the fiery words of people who want us to follow their solutions, or the earthshaking fears and disapprovals of our associates (p. 74)."

"'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus' (Philippians 4:4-7, p. 74)."

"Expect struggles and imperfections in this life. The most realistic expectation we can make of ourselves is to do our best. We should not expect to control outcomes, either for ourselves or for our children (p. 78)."

"How grateful the entire house of Israel could be that Moses' mother did no insist on being Moses' only mother (p. 85)."

"We just did our best and didn't worry about the rest (p. 86)."

"We didn't think we could do it all ourselves, we didn't try to do it all ourselves, and we didn't worry because we couldn't do it all ourselves (p. 86)."

"Christ died and rose again to free us from burdens. The only burden that he lays upon the women of the Church is the shared yoke he offers every individual--man, woman, and child--who accepts his name in the waters of baptism. It is a 'burden' that comes with a promise: 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light' (Matthew 11:28-30, p. 92)."

"Do you feel that strong connection to Jesus and the love that he has for you (p. 98)?"

"Part of our spiritual independence is simply shaking off wrongful messages about who we are. We get them from people who don't know us but who judge us, from people who restrict us from being who we are. Jesus sees you as you are and knows you to the very foundation of your being and loves you enough that he died for you--more than that, came alive again for you (p. 100)."

"The Father has given us an inheritance in heaven that will never perish, spoil, or fade... We can rejoice in it right now (p. 100)!"

"Three ideas to make life easier to live... permission to make mistakes... the ability to accept what life has to give. And... a stronger trust in the Savior (p. 103)."

"Pick up a pencil. Which end is the important end? They both are! Sometimes the writing end is important and sometimes the erasing end is important, depending on what you just did and what you want to do in the next few minutes. Does the pencil care? Certainly not. It's happy that both ends will be used (p. 104)."

"Life isn't a true-false test. It's literally multiple choice. On many of the choices, all of the answers are partially right (p. 206)."

"We don't need anyone's permission to do good. We can just go out and do it on our own (p. 107)."

"There's nothing that automatically brings such happiness as being able to see a real need and perform a real service (p. 108)."

"Let's accept what life offers us. Maybe it looks like a handful of ashes. But let's pick up that handful and see what we can do with it (p. 110)."

"Do you sometimes have difficulty believing that Christ really died for you? That he really loves you? We all have moments when that seems impossible and incredible. Why is it so hard for us to believe the good news of the gospel when it's so easy for us to believe bad news (p. 111)?"

"'Let us remember, in all we do, the spirit of the Savior (Gordon B. Hinckley, p. 117).'"

"I visualized the Savior, not administering a complicated program but tenderly ministering to one individual at a time (p. 117)."

"To purify ourselves to better receive the gift of Christ's love... seek to perceive what a person's spirit is like... look past externals to the true core and center of a person (p. 120)."

"'The Lord seeth not as a man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart' (1 Samuel 16:7, p. 120)."

"There can be no leadership without fellowship (p. 121)."

"Seek the good in others and... do good to others (p. 123)."

"He had seen Elder Bernard P. Brockbank, president of the Mormon Pavilion at Expo 1970 in Osaka, down in his knees with a metal scraper digging gum off the carpet after the pavilion had closed one night. 'If one of the General Authorities would do that... then who am I to decide that I am too good for any of the tasks in the Church (p. 126)?'"

"'Who is my neighbor?'... 'Which one of these three seems to you to have been a neighbor to the man attacked by the robbers?'... Think of the story from the perspective of the priest and the Levit. Have there been times when we have seen a need but hurried on by? We may have been frightened and felt the job required more courage than we had... Think of the innkeeper. Sometimes someone else has done the rescue, but the healing is a long and complicated process. Can we offer a warm bed, a cool drink of water, or quiet afternoons and evenings to mend broken bodies and hearts (p. 130)?"

"What do we do with differences? Do they paralyze us, or can they become part of the beauty of our lives (p. 136)?"

"We have to discover a person's inside, patiently and lovingly. We have to learn to love other people by serving them (p. 138)."

"I'm on the path I walk today, because those generous and kind Hawaiian sisters made room for me then (p. 140)."

"All children need high standards and high expectations. But these standards need to be high in relation to the child's own capacity... Our expectations need to communicate confidence and joy, rather than anxiety and pressure (p. 142)."

"The good news of the gospel is that who we are is okay. Our best is good enough. The Savior came for us (p. 145)."

"We need to be more supportive of each other (p. 147)."

"Let's stop competing with ourselves and stop picking at ourselves. Let's relax and enjoy who we are (p. 148)."

"Love will spill over in blessing, simply because that's the nature of love (p. 150)."

"We have all the time we need. We have a loving Father who makes sure we will receive the experiences we need to achieve perfection (p. 151)."

"'Chieko is in New Zealand, and I know she would have brought food for you and offered to help. I'm not sure you'd like the way I cook, but I want to bring you some comfort (p. 153).'"

"This is charity--seeing a need and filling it with love (p. 153)."

"He is actively seeking us. He is the good shepherd, out walking through the night, calling the name of the lost sheep... 'Neither do I condemn thee' (p. 157)."

"Know what you can and what you can't do (p. 163)."

"You shouldn't tell the bishop how to do his calling, but share your life stage and circumstances with him. If you can serve in a calling, you should do it, do it with all your might, and rejoice in it. It will be a blessing to you, and your self-esteem will increase. But if you say yes to a calling you really can't manage, then you feel guilty. It tears you down and drags you down. Be wise in what you say yes to (p. 164)."

"We can't be perfect unless it's in Christ (p. 170)."

"We're distracted sometimes by the things of this world. At times we lack love and faith. There are occasions when our hearts are divided. But it's our broken, divided, hurting hearts that He wants. He begs us to offer him 'a broken heart and a contrite spirit' so that he can make his atoning sacrifice operational in our behalf (p. 171)."

"Our temples are the ultimate retreats from the world, but the celestial room is a place to reach and linger only for a few moments. It's not a place we can take up residence. We're invited and counseled to come to the temple often, but nobody has ever told us we should try to stay there (p. 172)."

"The Savior does not call us to abandon the world; he calls us to come unto him so that he can heal us and make us whole. But to do that, we have to bring him our hearts--all of the pieces we have given elsewhere. We have to care about him more than we care about the orange juice, the telephone, the homework, the dirty bathtub. He asks us to take care of our daily activities with a heart centered on him (p. 172)."

"Jesus says, 'I know a lot about cats and stoves. I'll come with you.' 'Oh no... I couldn't let you do that.'... You couldn't possibly have Jesus see that you don't even have placemats on the table... By the time you get back to the room where Jesus is waiting patiently, you're so tired that you can barely keep your eyes open, let alone sit worshipfully at his feet waiting for words of profound wisdom and spiritual power to wash over you, to make you different, to make everything else different, and you fall asleep whispering, 'I'm sorry. I'll try to do better. I'm so sorry (p. 174).'"

"Do you really think he doesn't know? doesn't understand? wouldn't laugh and help (p. 175)?"

"He will not force you to accept His companionship. He leaves you free to choose. I beg you to open the door and let him out of that room. Give Him your whole heart, all the pieces, and let Him heal you (p. 176)."

"I hope we can all accept each other's diverse circumstances and honor each other's decisions, even when they are different from the decisions we might have made, without judging or labeling (p. 178)."

"The way to literally open the door to the guest room and let Jesus come into other parts of your home--and your life--is through prayer (p. 182)."

"The Savior calls us to do two things--to come to him, and to open the door to our hearts and let him come to us (p. 185)."

"When it comes to spiritual preparation, the Lord has been before us, preparing the way (p. 187)."

"A life centered in the future is not really the kind of life that makes living today worthwhile (p. 188)."

"'When we give what we have... the Lord will take what we have to offer and he will make up the difference (Ardeth Kapp, p. 192).'"

"What builds your spirituality may be different from what builds someone else's (p. 193)."

"What is it that you have learned of Him? And how have you learned it (p. 199)?"

"'The Lord is my light.'... Light... dispels darkness... Christ's burden is light (p. 200)."

"'She was trying to save herself with Jesus as an advisor. But we can't do that (p. 208).'"

"What happens to fear if we invite the dragon to our party? What happens if we face it squarely (p. 215)?"

"I want to put my energy... into feeling the strength of Christ's love for us, into serving others out of that love, into showing my gratitude for a Savior who knows us and cares about us (p. 221)."

"Heavenly Father knows the seasons of our lives (p. 222)."

[SherRon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the best LDS book I've ever read! Chieko has a wonderful way of making you accept who you are and what you are doing right now as ok and yet still inspire you to be better. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book.

“Only you know your circumstances, your energy level, the needs of your children, and the emotional demands of your other obligations. Be wise during intensive seasons of your life. Cherish your agency, and don’t give it away casually. Don’t compare yourself to others — nearly always this will make you despondent. Don’t accept somebody else’s interpretation of how you should be spending your time. Make the best decision you can and then evaluate it to see how it works.”

“Be spiritually independent enough that your relationship with the Savior doesn’t depend on your circumstances or what other people say and do. Have the spiritual independence to be a Mormon – the best Mormon you can – in your own way. Not the bishop’s way. Not the Relief Society president’s way. Your way”.

"We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually.

That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not know and recognize.

On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy.

He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion.

He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down’s Syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only visitors are children, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years.

He knows all that.

He’s been there.

He’s been lower than all that.

He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us , or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief."

[Summer Meyers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love reading inspirational Mormon books like these. So often we see short little essay books, that can be rather redundant. Those are special in their own way, but I like something a little more thorough--a discussion rather than just a Sunday talk expanded.

Like a lot of LDS women, I feel guilt. Lighten Up! is a cheerful reminder that its okay. There are times and seasons in our life where we will excel in some things and others may fall to the wayside. Does this mean we have failed? Not at all! This is where the beautiful gospel doctrine of grace comes into play. We do not need to be perfect by tomorrow. We need to only do our best.

This could have easily swung into, "You needn't try so hard." But it didn't. It was encouraging and reminding us to forgive ourselves. Guilt should not rule our lives. The Gospel message is one of joy and happiness---not another burden to carry.

I could have marked this thing to pieces. As it is, I liked a few quotes and have added this one story that she told. I would have added it to the quotes section, but it was rather long.

When Ed and I were serving our mission in Japan, Elder and Sister Bruce R McConkie came to tour the mission. One of the places within our mission boundaries that they wanted to see was the Noritake china factory, so we visited it with them. We had a wonderful tour and saw many beautiful things, but the most impressive thing to me was the reject barrels. At every stage of the process standing next to the conveyor belts that carried the dishes along, were large barrels. When the dishes were formed out of the clay, someone looked at each cup, each saucer, each plate. If there was a flaw in it, crash! It went flying into the barrel. After it had been fired in the kiln, there would be another inspection. Again if there was a flaw, crash! Then the glaze was applied and inspected. Crash! Crash! And then the pattern was painted on. There was another inspection. There were more crashes.
At that point, I became worried. There seemed to be so much waste. Did the inspectors really need to be this rigorous? I mentioned these barrels to our guide. He laughed and said, "You mustn't worry. Nothing is ever wasted. All of the items in the barrels are taken back to the beginning, reground, reshaped, and started on their journey again. But it must be perfect to be Noritake."
This experience was illuminating to me as I thought about the need we have to achieve perfection. There is no waste. And there is no haste. We will all have all the time we need. We have a loving Father who makes sure we will receive the experiences we need to achieve perfection. He will let us start over again as often as we need to.
pg 150

Oh and this made me laugh. I don't think I've seen this before!

Barbara Smith: Ideals are stars to steer by. They are not a stick to beat ourselves with.