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Until He Comes: A Good Girl's Quest to Get Some Heaven on Earth
A hilarious, irreverent, and touching account of one seriously Christian girl’s struggle to please any available savior. . . .
K. Dawn Goodwin’s holy crusade to be the Lord’s sexiest spokesperson began at the tender—but far from innocent—age of seven. And while she always thought Jesus was kinda hot, even He could not quiet the avalanche of prepubescent lust and the burning wish for a man to find her, like Bathsheba, comely enough to spy on.
Crucified by soulless pretty girls and cruel jocks whose mission it was to make her life hell on earth, adolescent Dawn, painfully obsessed with her own ugliness, found slivers of sweet relief in dry-humping the scrawniest guy on the wrestling team and scribbling bodice rippers starring her favorite teacher. But, Praise Jesus, at least her virginity was intact.
Until college, where, thanks to a seriously sculpted Jew, Dawn’s chastity crumbled like the Tower of Babylon. Her sex marathons kept her shouting, “Hallelujah!” but with her body image in apocalyptic disarray, her future husband unable to faith-heal her as promised, and the Bible threatening an extra-crispy afterlife, Dawn would have to face down her demons. Which was okay, because they were kinda hot too. . . .
K. Dawn Goodwin’s holy crusade to be the Lord’s sexiest spokesperson began at the tender—but far from innocent—age of seven. And while she always thought Jesus was kinda hot, even He could not quiet the avalanche of prepubescent lust and the burning wish for a man to find her, like Bathsheba, comely enough to spy on.
Crucified by soulless pretty girls and cruel jocks whose mission it was to make her life hell on earth, adolescent Dawn, painfully obsessed with her own ugliness, found slivers of sweet relief in dry-humping the scrawniest guy on the wrestling team and scribbling bodice rippers starring her favorite teacher. But, Praise Jesus, at least her virginity was intact.
Until college, where, thanks to a seriously sculpted Jew, Dawn’s chastity crumbled like the Tower of Babylon. Her sex marathons kept her shouting, “Hallelujah!” but with her body image in apocalyptic disarray, her future husband unable to faith-heal her as promised, and the Bible threatening an extra-crispy afterlife, Dawn would have to face down her demons. Which was okay, because they were kinda hot too. . . .
- GenresMemoir
288 pages, Paperback
First published December 27, 2011
2 people are currently reading
18 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
October 27, 2012
An insightful, honest book about insecurities, sex and religion. It takes courage to be honest with oneself about who we really are. It takes an insurmountable amount of courage to put it into a book.
June 8, 2024
Zero stars for this preposterous "memoir" that is total fraud, merely creative writing with the first 47 pages about her sexual feelings during the second grade. Ask yourself to write down all your memories from second grade, filled with quotes and specifics, especially relating to sex, and you might come up with a paragraph or two. Or 99% of us would have zero sexual details to report from second grade.
This ridiculous author wants to make us believe that she had deep sexual desires as she played with her dolls and little classmates, so much so that she filled up almost one-fourth of a book with the young specifics. Her "disclaimer" at the front of the book saying that "events have been compressed and some dialogue approximated" doesn't clear her or the publisher of essentially publishing fictional kiddie porn.
Not one thing rings true in the entire book. And if you think there's something sexy about any of it, think again. Her supposedly big revelations include the camp pastor that asks elementary-aged Goodwin to sit on his lap during Bible study (nothing happens, she just "feels funny" and reports him), her balking at advances from high school boys (after she has tried to seduce them), and not losing her virginity until college (to a guy she is committing her life to). Meanwhile she rejects the little faith in God she might have once had and uses the pages for blasphemy, including trying to make every Bible verse sound like it is dirty.
Doesn't she realize there is relatively little about sex in the Bible? Less than 1% of the verses deal with anything even remotely involving physical intimacy. Yet this propaganda book makes it sound like God only preaches one thing--no sex until marriage or you'll go to hell. Her simplistic and inaccurate summary of Christian beliefs is an attempt to mislead others.
The only real purpose of this being published is to use her feminist voice to slam religion, Jesus, her parents, Christian schools, conservatives, and Republicans. But instead, she makes her fake liberal/tolerant/progressive self look idiotic, immoral, and, dare I say, unattractive. She spends the entire time worrying about making herself look good for others yet with this she proves that she ultimately fails. At best she's a hypocrite, at worst she's evil in spreading immoral lies. And if Goodwin is simply trying to publish a book that's funny (as some have claimed) then the joke is on her--this bad girl is seriously disgusting.
This ridiculous author wants to make us believe that she had deep sexual desires as she played with her dolls and little classmates, so much so that she filled up almost one-fourth of a book with the young specifics. Her "disclaimer" at the front of the book saying that "events have been compressed and some dialogue approximated" doesn't clear her or the publisher of essentially publishing fictional kiddie porn.
Not one thing rings true in the entire book. And if you think there's something sexy about any of it, think again. Her supposedly big revelations include the camp pastor that asks elementary-aged Goodwin to sit on his lap during Bible study (nothing happens, she just "feels funny" and reports him), her balking at advances from high school boys (after she has tried to seduce them), and not losing her virginity until college (to a guy she is committing her life to). Meanwhile she rejects the little faith in God she might have once had and uses the pages for blasphemy, including trying to make every Bible verse sound like it is dirty.
Doesn't she realize there is relatively little about sex in the Bible? Less than 1% of the verses deal with anything even remotely involving physical intimacy. Yet this propaganda book makes it sound like God only preaches one thing--no sex until marriage or you'll go to hell. Her simplistic and inaccurate summary of Christian beliefs is an attempt to mislead others.
The only real purpose of this being published is to use her feminist voice to slam religion, Jesus, her parents, Christian schools, conservatives, and Republicans. But instead, she makes her fake liberal/tolerant/progressive self look idiotic, immoral, and, dare I say, unattractive. She spends the entire time worrying about making herself look good for others yet with this she proves that she ultimately fails. At best she's a hypocrite, at worst she's evil in spreading immoral lies. And if Goodwin is simply trying to publish a book that's funny (as some have claimed) then the joke is on her--this bad girl is seriously disgusting.
March 25, 2012
Irreverent, flippant, unique, and for me a welcome change of pace
First off, I love comedy, but generally I tend to read more serious stuff. Every now and then I'll venture outside that for books like "Nerd Girl Rocks Paradise City: A True Story of Faking It in Hair Metal L.A." (Anne Soffee) or the fantastic "I'm Dying Up Here: Heartbreak and High Times in Stand-up Comedy's Golden Era" (William Knoedeleseder) but mostly I read different stuff. The book was recommended to me, and from the description here I thought that the humor would be right up my alley, irreverent and flippant; pulling no punches. I was right. The book is hysterical.
In essence the book is about a girl's struggle and reckoning between trying to please Jesus and God, being a good Christian, and being a horny girl trying to make sense of it all, including the guilt and the eventual redemption and reconciliation. She loves Jesus as much as she loves her men, and therein lies the problem. Along the way she must deal with sin and the associated guilt, and her attempts at finding (self) justification and/or understanding of the ensuing dichotomy. Its a constant inner struggle and it is literally laugh out loud funny the whole way.
It starts with her selling tickets to her own strip show as a precocious 7 year old (meanwhile she is reading and memorizing bible verses at Christian school) and writing stories about Unicorns having sex, even though she wasn't really sure what sex was. It continues through awkward school years,through her discovery of Don Johnson on Miami Vice reruns and editing VHS tapes, up to her college years making pilgrimages to see evangelists with her converted (formerly) Jewish boyfriend with whom she is "living in sin" (and a lot of it) at the same time (in-between his sudden inexplicable Kung-Fu moves, that is). It ends with an epiphany. Something most of us can relate to (hopefully). However the last sentence leads you to believe that the epiphany may not be exactly what she/we thinks it is (don't jump ahead and read the last sentence, it'll ruin the impact).
The writing style is great and easy flowing, as if she were there telling you the stories herself, and she can turn the most serious of subject matters and experiences into something funny with just a couple of words. Completely refreshing, especially for myself considering the dry stuff I normally read :-) Sex can be at once graphic and humorous (the book isn't for kids). Her character (herself) will be identifiable to most everyone (unless your name happens to be "Ashley" or you liked picking on girls as a kid and still don't see what's wrong with that) at least at one stage or another. From a popular 7 year old, to the awkward new kid with no friends at a new school, through awkward puberty years, to trying to discover her true self in college through others, and in the end finding "salvation" in finding out that she is who she is and that she defines herself as opposed to defining herself through others. It all sounds so serious, and it is when viewed as one person's true experiences, but is hilarious too. Even some of the chapter titles are entertaining, such as "Lunch on the Shitter (One Teen's Walk with Christ)" and the cleverly selected apropos Bible quotes for each chapter such as "Thou madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them" (perfect for the Sonny Crockett chapter).
The biggest disappointment in the book is the end, because it leaves you wanting the sequel, and that's not out yet (this is her first book). A good problem for an author to have. For the reader its frustrating because it leaves you wanting more. For the author its a good thing because it leaves the reader wanting more. :-)
The book was recommended, and based upon the description, the general premise, and even the author description it sounded like it would be up my alley humor-wise, but especially with comedy, you never know what to expect. One person's funny can be another's "meh". A great setup or premise can be ruined by a missed punchline, so I didn't know how it would play out for me when I bought it. It never failed to disappoint me. The humor is sometimes obvious, sometimes very subtle (I like both, but get a special enjoyment out of the subtle knowing I "got it" but others might not, but that's just me) It lived up to and beyond what I was hoping for, and the book never got slow either. I find most books that I read, no matter what the genre tend to get slow in parts, or the story drags. As if the book would have been slightly better if 20 pages had been cut out. For me, this one never got slow. As stated, humor can be a very personal thing, so YMMV.
Seeing as how this book is outside of what I normally read (in general I like to learn something when I read, so I tend to stick to non-fiction - stuff like historical books, books on economics, and books on "excellence" such as "Talent Is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else" (Geoffrey Colvin) and books on creativity and critical thinking processes such as Edward DeBonos's books and "How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci: Seven Steps to Genius Every Day" to give you an idea), it was a welcome change of pace and thoroughly entertaining. Perhaps that is one reason why my praise is so high. For someone who loves comedy, but rarely reads it, its is a welcome change of pace, as stated. That being said, I have a feeling that many who read it, even if you regularly ready more comedic material, will think the same (of course, as all books are, its not for EVERYONE). Its a unique book (as far as I know) with a unique outlook that I think will be at some point identifiable to many, and it is highly recommended.
As a complete unintended consequence, the book reminds me that more often I need to tear away from my more serious reading (as fascinating and enjoyable as it is to me) and read more books that stimulate other centers of the brain, especially the lower frontal lobes where the sense of humor is thought to reside. :-)
First off, I love comedy, but generally I tend to read more serious stuff. Every now and then I'll venture outside that for books like "Nerd Girl Rocks Paradise City: A True Story of Faking It in Hair Metal L.A." (Anne Soffee) or the fantastic "I'm Dying Up Here: Heartbreak and High Times in Stand-up Comedy's Golden Era" (William Knoedeleseder) but mostly I read different stuff. The book was recommended to me, and from the description here I thought that the humor would be right up my alley, irreverent and flippant; pulling no punches. I was right. The book is hysterical.
In essence the book is about a girl's struggle and reckoning between trying to please Jesus and God, being a good Christian, and being a horny girl trying to make sense of it all, including the guilt and the eventual redemption and reconciliation. She loves Jesus as much as she loves her men, and therein lies the problem. Along the way she must deal with sin and the associated guilt, and her attempts at finding (self) justification and/or understanding of the ensuing dichotomy. Its a constant inner struggle and it is literally laugh out loud funny the whole way.
It starts with her selling tickets to her own strip show as a precocious 7 year old (meanwhile she is reading and memorizing bible verses at Christian school) and writing stories about Unicorns having sex, even though she wasn't really sure what sex was. It continues through awkward school years,through her discovery of Don Johnson on Miami Vice reruns and editing VHS tapes, up to her college years making pilgrimages to see evangelists with her converted (formerly) Jewish boyfriend with whom she is "living in sin" (and a lot of it) at the same time (in-between his sudden inexplicable Kung-Fu moves, that is). It ends with an epiphany. Something most of us can relate to (hopefully). However the last sentence leads you to believe that the epiphany may not be exactly what she/we thinks it is (don't jump ahead and read the last sentence, it'll ruin the impact).
The writing style is great and easy flowing, as if she were there telling you the stories herself, and she can turn the most serious of subject matters and experiences into something funny with just a couple of words. Completely refreshing, especially for myself considering the dry stuff I normally read :-) Sex can be at once graphic and humorous (the book isn't for kids). Her character (herself) will be identifiable to most everyone (unless your name happens to be "Ashley" or you liked picking on girls as a kid and still don't see what's wrong with that) at least at one stage or another. From a popular 7 year old, to the awkward new kid with no friends at a new school, through awkward puberty years, to trying to discover her true self in college through others, and in the end finding "salvation" in finding out that she is who she is and that she defines herself as opposed to defining herself through others. It all sounds so serious, and it is when viewed as one person's true experiences, but is hilarious too. Even some of the chapter titles are entertaining, such as "Lunch on the Shitter (One Teen's Walk with Christ)" and the cleverly selected apropos Bible quotes for each chapter such as "Thou madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them" (perfect for the Sonny Crockett chapter).
The biggest disappointment in the book is the end, because it leaves you wanting the sequel, and that's not out yet (this is her first book). A good problem for an author to have. For the reader its frustrating because it leaves you wanting more. For the author its a good thing because it leaves the reader wanting more. :-)
The book was recommended, and based upon the description, the general premise, and even the author description it sounded like it would be up my alley humor-wise, but especially with comedy, you never know what to expect. One person's funny can be another's "meh". A great setup or premise can be ruined by a missed punchline, so I didn't know how it would play out for me when I bought it. It never failed to disappoint me. The humor is sometimes obvious, sometimes very subtle (I like both, but get a special enjoyment out of the subtle knowing I "got it" but others might not, but that's just me) It lived up to and beyond what I was hoping for, and the book never got slow either. I find most books that I read, no matter what the genre tend to get slow in parts, or the story drags. As if the book would have been slightly better if 20 pages had been cut out. For me, this one never got slow. As stated, humor can be a very personal thing, so YMMV.
Seeing as how this book is outside of what I normally read (in general I like to learn something when I read, so I tend to stick to non-fiction - stuff like historical books, books on economics, and books on "excellence" such as "Talent Is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else" (Geoffrey Colvin) and books on creativity and critical thinking processes such as Edward DeBonos's books and "How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci: Seven Steps to Genius Every Day" to give you an idea), it was a welcome change of pace and thoroughly entertaining. Perhaps that is one reason why my praise is so high. For someone who loves comedy, but rarely reads it, its is a welcome change of pace, as stated. That being said, I have a feeling that many who read it, even if you regularly ready more comedic material, will think the same (of course, as all books are, its not for EVERYONE). Its a unique book (as far as I know) with a unique outlook that I think will be at some point identifiable to many, and it is highly recommended.
As a complete unintended consequence, the book reminds me that more often I need to tear away from my more serious reading (as fascinating and enjoyable as it is to me) and read more books that stimulate other centers of the brain, especially the lower frontal lobes where the sense of humor is thought to reside. :-)
September 11, 2015
I, too, was raised in a deeply spiritual household. And, funnily enough, Goodwin actually mentions my hometown in her acknowledgements. I had the privilege of meeting her and discovering this hilarious book at the Decatur Book Festival last week and I tore through it. It's insightful, funny, and downright brutal at times, and any girl who has ever struggled to connect her beliefs about God with what her body - and others - tell her about sex will connect with Goodwin's story. And while my personal feelings about who Jesus is, the purpose of humanity, and God's intention regarding sex vary widely from Goodwin's, I appreciate the satirical - if pessimistic - view she presents here. It takes a lot of balls to share your doubts and fears about something like your sexuality. I look forward to Goodwin's next book!
August 20, 2013
Who knew Jesus Christ and hot, dirty sex went so well together? "Until He Comes" is Goodwin’s journey into sex and self-discovery… and sex, and she takes the Lord and Savior along for the titillating ride. The writing is incredibly clever and downright funny. I didn’t know whether to sing Hallelujah or shout holy crap!
July 11, 2012
Some funny moments, but ultimately a sad story about a girl with low self-esteem who uses religion and sex to try and find love.
August 7, 2012
A funny, irreverent and thoughtful novel about growing up female in America. Adult content, but Rabelaisian humor!
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews