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[Withhold Not Correction] (By: Bruce Ray) [published: July, 1989]
Direction for parents who struggle with doubt or indecision in their roles as God-ordained disciplinarians.
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First published January 1, 1978
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
November 22, 2017
I liked this, but didn't love it. I agree with a previous reviewer who said this book's content could've been edited and turned into a really nice pamphlet or something.
This felt more theological than practical, and because I was (and am) looking for books with specific Scriptures and ways to carry out biblical discipline (aka spanking), this just fell short. However, I absolutely LOVED the chapter on kids in the church! Wow, that was refreshing to read! I loved the examples given of infants and toddlers included in biblical worship, and his pointers on giving and receiving advice from other parents while in the church setting.
Nothing in this was wrong, necessarily. I just wasn't blown away by anything here. Paul Tripp's Parening is still the best book I've read on the topic.
This felt more theological than practical, and because I was (and am) looking for books with specific Scriptures and ways to carry out biblical discipline (aka spanking), this just fell short. However, I absolutely LOVED the chapter on kids in the church! Wow, that was refreshing to read! I loved the examples given of infants and toddlers included in biblical worship, and his pointers on giving and receiving advice from other parents while in the church setting.
Nothing in this was wrong, necessarily. I just wasn't blown away by anything here. Paul Tripp's Parening is still the best book I've read on the topic.
April 19, 2009
Excellent.
April 18, 2018
If I could give this book less than one star, I would.
My parents swore by it as I was growing up. It seemed to reassure them that their emotional, verbal and physical abuse was "Christian". They even led studies with other parents based around the book's content. I do not believe that Bruce (or my parents) have any concept of what "rod" means in the Biblical context.
My parents swore by it as I was growing up. It seemed to reassure them that their emotional, verbal and physical abuse was "Christian". They even led studies with other parents based around the book's content. I do not believe that Bruce (or my parents) have any concept of what "rod" means in the Biblical context.
March 7, 2014
Very sound principles, but a few things in here REALLY annoyed me. Spanking "infants" and sick children? No thanks; mercy also pictures God to our children, you know. Still, those parts were literally only a matter of a few lines in the book. I may just have to get out a Sharpie...
September 3, 2025
Bruce Ray offers clearly biblical insight into the reasons and manner in which Christian parents should address sin in the lives of their children. Yes, not issues of indifference or all the particular preferences of either parent in the home, but sin. As sad as I am to see in the reviews that others had such horrible experiences growing up (either due to this book or others like it), it only further demonstrates that Christian parents should approach this book (and more importantly, the rearing of their children) with pricked consciences and trembling hands. Ray lays on parents, especially fathers, Paul's injunctions to the Ephesians and Colossians to not provoke our children to anger.
I agree with another reviewer who said "mercy" as a topic is lacking in this book, though I think Ray intended to cover similar ground with Ch. 8, "Discipline by Measure". Parents must necessarily be studious of their children and bathe themselves daily in the Word and prayer in order to know what to do in any given situation.
Having read Ted Tripp's "Shepherding a Child's Heart" beforehand, I was surprised to be convicted by his arguments against other forms of correction, that, while technically physically harmless, can be just as ruinous, if not more so, to your child if you do not handle it carefully.
Fundamentally, this book is a reaction against letting children run amok by turning to the Word and holding everyone in the family (even parents) accountable to the Lord's standard for living wisely. While it touches on many nuances about the subject, it is still quite brief and could have benefited from a few more examples and illustrations to address "corner cases" in the home. For me, it is a "back to basics" starting point, not the end-all-be-all, to make sure I am raising my children with the right motives and in the right way. Fathers especially should expect to be challenged to live biblically and lead in the home, and work with their wives to make sure they are united on how they are to parent.
I agree with another reviewer who said "mercy" as a topic is lacking in this book, though I think Ray intended to cover similar ground with Ch. 8, "Discipline by Measure". Parents must necessarily be studious of their children and bathe themselves daily in the Word and prayer in order to know what to do in any given situation.
Having read Ted Tripp's "Shepherding a Child's Heart" beforehand, I was surprised to be convicted by his arguments against other forms of correction, that, while technically physically harmless, can be just as ruinous, if not more so, to your child if you do not handle it carefully.
Fundamentally, this book is a reaction against letting children run amok by turning to the Word and holding everyone in the family (even parents) accountable to the Lord's standard for living wisely. While it touches on many nuances about the subject, it is still quite brief and could have benefited from a few more examples and illustrations to address "corner cases" in the home. For me, it is a "back to basics" starting point, not the end-all-be-all, to make sure I am raising my children with the right motives and in the right way. Fathers especially should expect to be challenged to live biblically and lead in the home, and work with their wives to make sure they are united on how they are to parent.
January 9, 2019
A very helpful book loaded with biblical sanity, it will play a helpful part in any Christian parent's reading diet. I've heard some people criticise this book for not dealing enough with the heart of the child in discipline, but I don't entirely agree. The parts of Scripture it handles, it handles well, and I don't think he neglects the heart. Are there more insights that could have been added? Of course, same as any book. Could the book have benefited from a deeper engagement with heart issues in disciplining your children? probably. You'll still find this book helpful. Probably supplementing it with "Shepherding a child's heart" by Tripp will be helpful, but then, our reading in any area should be supplemented and broadened by consulting multiple authors. Nevertheless, Ray continually returns to the Scriptures in this short book, and - to my mind - that makes this one really excellent.
March 2, 2022
If you’re looking for a resource that encourages you to heap law-keeping burdens onto your children‘s shoulders, then this is the book for you. It’s like the author never got around to reading Romans 3.
Not without some good points (there are good chapters on prayer and children’s participation in church) but this good is outweighed by promises the author can never deliver on. Namely that by following his prescribed parenting methods (which amount only to spanking, no other discipline techniques are encouraged), the principles will “work.” (Page 121) Presumably he means your children will be compliant and obedient. But do they love God? The state of the heart seems not to matter, merely that the child obey. Again, what of Romans 3:20?
Not without some good points (there are good chapters on prayer and children’s participation in church) but this good is outweighed by promises the author can never deliver on. Namely that by following his prescribed parenting methods (which amount only to spanking, no other discipline techniques are encouraged), the principles will “work.” (Page 121) Presumably he means your children will be compliant and obedient. But do they love God? The state of the heart seems not to matter, merely that the child obey. Again, what of Romans 3:20?
November 15, 2022
Quick read. Yes helpful knowledge and Biblically solid, but gave me somewhat of a simple, overview feel while reading. Seems geared towards those with the questions of “why should I / what is discipline” and “why should I discipline as the Bible has set forth.” I did appreciate that there were a few good, practical things to put into practice.
December 6, 2024
Easy read. Was it what I was I expected from the title and age of the book? Yes. Would I truly recommend it to Christian parents? Eh, probably not. Lots of other great, better resources out there for parents wanting to raise theirs kids in a Christ like way. (I am okay with spanking my kids for the record and this book was still not my fav.)
January 30, 2023
This book was very “meh” for me….it was drawn out and could have been half the size. I liked a few of the chapters and scripture references but some of it was just overkill or filled with opinions. Definitely one of those where you take the good and toss out the bad!
August 22, 2017
I recommend this to all parents. What a practical teaching and encouragement for such a difficult and wearying practice. We must be diligent and wise in our parenting- neither of which are easy 24/7
April 24, 2025
Really not worth it imo. Everything worthwhile here has been said better elsewhere.
January 9, 2019
Disclaimer- this book is for Christians families and relies on the Biblical mode of discipline and correction.
I don't think I would recommend this book to parents without the huge caveat to take everything the authors writes with a grain of salt. While Ray does provide some valuable insight into godly forms of discipline he does, in my opinion, fall short of the rational mark. Ray also tends to be excessively wordy and redundant in his mandate that parents need to be saved before attempting to correct their children. While I agree with this, I don't think it required the first six chapters of the book to make this point.
Ray basically writes that children should be corrected with the rod, prayer and love. All good points. Children should be disciplined and not punished (typically a reaction of anger rather than a response to a specific wrongdoing). The spanking should be followed by prayer in which the child seek God's forgiveness and restoration. Lastly, the parent should initiate an act of love with the child, a hug and kiss for example, to demonstrate love and restoration with the child. Basically, the child should never walk away feeling unloved and un-restored with the parent after being disciplined.
For the good points Ray makes, he has a few equally distasteful ones. It made me wonder if he only had young children when he wrote this book and did not have the full experiences of raising teenagers with which to test his theories. Ray advocates spanking teenagers. He believes that teenagers need to feel the physical act of discipline and that grounding and other methods are unenforceable. I completely disagree with this opinion. I can think of many instances in my teenage years that would have been made disastrous had my parents attempted to spank me. On the other hand, taking away privileges or grounding me was a better lesson and because I respected my parents it was enforceable. Teenagers are tricky creatures but ones with feelings, nonetheless, and I would have felt personally offended, abused and disrespected if told to bend over my parent's bed for a spanking. I would have rebelled or left. So in this regard, I would not recommend this book.
I don't think I would recommend this book to parents without the huge caveat to take everything the authors writes with a grain of salt. While Ray does provide some valuable insight into godly forms of discipline he does, in my opinion, fall short of the rational mark. Ray also tends to be excessively wordy and redundant in his mandate that parents need to be saved before attempting to correct their children. While I agree with this, I don't think it required the first six chapters of the book to make this point.
Ray basically writes that children should be corrected with the rod, prayer and love. All good points. Children should be disciplined and not punished (typically a reaction of anger rather than a response to a specific wrongdoing). The spanking should be followed by prayer in which the child seek God's forgiveness and restoration. Lastly, the parent should initiate an act of love with the child, a hug and kiss for example, to demonstrate love and restoration with the child. Basically, the child should never walk away feeling unloved and un-restored with the parent after being disciplined.
For the good points Ray makes, he has a few equally distasteful ones. It made me wonder if he only had young children when he wrote this book and did not have the full experiences of raising teenagers with which to test his theories. Ray advocates spanking teenagers. He believes that teenagers need to feel the physical act of discipline and that grounding and other methods are unenforceable. I completely disagree with this opinion. I can think of many instances in my teenage years that would have been made disastrous had my parents attempted to spank me. On the other hand, taking away privileges or grounding me was a better lesson and because I respected my parents it was enforceable. Teenagers are tricky creatures but ones with feelings, nonetheless, and I would have felt personally offended, abused and disrespected if told to bend over my parent's bed for a spanking. I would have rebelled or left. So in this regard, I would not recommend this book.
June 24, 2013
I didn't actually find this very useful. Far too much of it merely repeated the previous thought without any additional insight or in any significantly different way. It was also bloated with the standard evangelical jargon that so many modern authors feel the need to include (I simply don't want a book on discipline that has a whole third of it telling me basic Christian truths in a bland way).
The sections advocating the evangelising of our children are more than unhelpful and show just how low a view baptism Presbyterians now have.
Just okay, with a few great thoughts that might have made a decent pamphlet.
The sections advocating the evangelising of our children are more than unhelpful and show just how low a view baptism Presbyterians now have.
Just okay, with a few great thoughts that might have made a decent pamphlet.
November 21, 2017
Lots of clear, straight-forward Bible teaching on spanking out of Proverbs and elsewhere. I'd like to recommend this book more, but a few flies in the ointment prevent it, like when Ray recommends teaching your kids to respond to the snap of your fingers. No doubt this could be done graciously, but he comes across as tone deaf which makes me wonder how it went for him and his kids. Discipline should be tender, and tenderness should disciplined. Still, for those stuck in the sentimental and lamely argued "all spanking is child-abuse" paradigm, who set aside some lapses for the good biblical exposition, there is a lot here.
August 17, 2010
Back around the time I was starting to have children, I was given this book to read. It became a foundational work on the area of discipline with my children. I still hold this book in high esteem, and recommend it often. Upon this firm foundation, the building blocks were further laid with such excellent books as "Shepherding a Child's Heart" (Tripp) and "Standing on the Promises" (Wilson), all of which I suggest to people even today. Great book!!
May 9, 2012
While dated (published in '78), the author seeks to winsomely and biblically work out the foundation of discipline in the Christian home. The best place for this book is in a complementary position with Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart and Elyse Fitzpatrick's Give Them Grace rather than a stand-alone guide. 3 stars.
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September 24, 2016wow, this book has not been rated by anyone!
August 1, 2008
Someone gave me this book as a gift when I had my first baby. Whew babies! It was very tough for me to read.. So hard I couldn't finish it. Seemed a bit harsh with the advice on discipline.
October 19, 2009
Good stuff.
May 18, 2010
A good little primer on Christian childrearing and discipline. I read my parents' version from the 1970s, so I'm not sure if it's been revised since then!
September 24, 2010
Ray's book is fine, but published in 1978 there are many other choices with a similar theological bent I would offer up as much more readable and practical offerings.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews