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The Lost Years: Surviving a Mother and Daughter's Worst Nightmare
Kristina, the second of four children, begins by telling how a little sip of vodka sipped secretly at a party her parents were giving, started her on a pathway to addiction. In that instant, alcohol became her pathway to comfort. Over the next 8 years she sinks further into addiction moving on to cocaine and methamphetamines. In telling her story, she gives a brutally honest description of her addiction and crimes until she nearly dies on the floor of a homeless shelter completely alone at the age of 21.
Adding a heart-wrenching counterpart, to each chapter of the book, Kristina's mother, Connie, gives a parent’s picture of what was happening throughout her child's experience. She describes her powerlessness to help her addicted daughter, the break-up of her unhappy marriage and how she comes to terms with her own co-dependency. She also describes the worst decision a mother ever has to to turn her oldest daughter out of her house, sending her onto the streets, in order to protect herself and her other children.
Then follows the remarkable story of Kristina's recovery as she spends months in rehab, her mother's 'tough love' and the years of acclimating herself to living a normal life. Ultimately, she reclaims herself, her place in her family and a new and loving relationship with her mother.
The Lost Years is a beautifully written memoir of survival and transformation that reminds us all that so much good can come from so much that is bad.
Endorsements for The Lost Years
'The Lost Years is one of the most important books on family addiction and recovery that I have come across in years. It allows the readers a rare, simultaneous look into the hearts and minds of both the co-dependent and the addict. Kristina and her mother take us through the suffering, turmoil and destruction of addiction right on through to forgiveness, reconciliation and redemption. This book is invaluable to families, and I am proud to recommend The Lost Years.' John Bradshaw, best-selling author of Healing the Shame That Binds You and Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, and one of the leading authorities on co-dependency and family recovery
'This is the most important book I have read this year. I couldn't put it down.' Anne Lamott, best-selling author of Operating Instructions, Bird by Bird, Traveling Mercies, Rosie, All New People, and Blue Shoe
'This book touches on both sides of addiction … the side of the addict and that of the enabler. We found the openness and insight very touching and heartwarming. Addiction goes beyond description. You are absolutely helpless. We know, we have been there. The only 'cure' is honesty, as this book beautifully demonstrates. Until one is absolutely honest with oneself there is no hope for either the addict or the enabler.' Cheri and Pat Summerall, former American football player and legendary sportscaster for CBS, Fox, ESPN, and his wife
'It is tough, honest and gritty. This is a powerful and amazing book. I could not put it down.' Michael Pritchard, PBS host, motivational speaker and child advocate.
'This is the most extraordinary memoir I have ever read. Kristina and her mother, Constance, have written a wrenching, starkly honest and emotionally moving account of addiction and recovery. It is a deeply inspirational story of pain, loss, acceptance and survival.' Dr. Stephanie Brown, psychologist specializing in addiction/recovery
Adding a heart-wrenching counterpart, to each chapter of the book, Kristina's mother, Connie, gives a parent’s picture of what was happening throughout her child's experience. She describes her powerlessness to help her addicted daughter, the break-up of her unhappy marriage and how she comes to terms with her own co-dependency. She also describes the worst decision a mother ever has to to turn her oldest daughter out of her house, sending her onto the streets, in order to protect herself and her other children.
Then follows the remarkable story of Kristina's recovery as she spends months in rehab, her mother's 'tough love' and the years of acclimating herself to living a normal life. Ultimately, she reclaims herself, her place in her family and a new and loving relationship with her mother.
The Lost Years is a beautifully written memoir of survival and transformation that reminds us all that so much good can come from so much that is bad.
Endorsements for The Lost Years
'The Lost Years is one of the most important books on family addiction and recovery that I have come across in years. It allows the readers a rare, simultaneous look into the hearts and minds of both the co-dependent and the addict. Kristina and her mother take us through the suffering, turmoil and destruction of addiction right on through to forgiveness, reconciliation and redemption. This book is invaluable to families, and I am proud to recommend The Lost Years.' John Bradshaw, best-selling author of Healing the Shame That Binds You and Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, and one of the leading authorities on co-dependency and family recovery
'This is the most important book I have read this year. I couldn't put it down.' Anne Lamott, best-selling author of Operating Instructions, Bird by Bird, Traveling Mercies, Rosie, All New People, and Blue Shoe
'This book touches on both sides of addiction … the side of the addict and that of the enabler. We found the openness and insight very touching and heartwarming. Addiction goes beyond description. You are absolutely helpless. We know, we have been there. The only 'cure' is honesty, as this book beautifully demonstrates. Until one is absolutely honest with oneself there is no hope for either the addict or the enabler.' Cheri and Pat Summerall, former American football player and legendary sportscaster for CBS, Fox, ESPN, and his wife
'It is tough, honest and gritty. This is a powerful and amazing book. I could not put it down.' Michael Pritchard, PBS host, motivational speaker and child advocate.
'This is the most extraordinary memoir I have ever read. Kristina and her mother, Constance, have written a wrenching, starkly honest and emotionally moving account of addiction and recovery. It is a deeply inspirational story of pain, loss, acceptance and survival.' Dr. Stephanie Brown, psychologist specializing in addiction/recovery
193 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2006
77 people are currently reading
1202 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews
October 19, 2010
I COULDN'T STOP CRYING
I couldn't even see the last page, my eyes were flooded with tears. It's absolutely shocking, powerful, and uplifting. And made me want to call my mother and tell her how much I love her.
I couldn't even see the last page, my eyes were flooded with tears. It's absolutely shocking, powerful, and uplifting. And made me want to call my mother and tell her how much I love her.
June 10, 2010
Wow - I don't know what to say. My life paralelled Kristina's in so many ways. I admire her and her Mothers bravery. It had to be so hard to come out with all of these truths.
I don't think Kristina expanded on everything - I truly believe there were some parts left out and normally this would bother me. It didn't here, maybe because she was so truthful.
The writing here is so simple yet so beautiful - the emotion comes shining through which makes the simple wording so much more meaningful.
My younger sister read this before me and I really hope I can get my Mom to read it. Recovery, for the addict and the family, is a life-long process and I really think my Mom may be able to come away with something from The Lost Years.
I was inspired reading this and that happens.... well, never. I woke up and started making a list of places in my area that cater to addicts and I want to start volunteering. And I want to go back to school. I made myself believe that I couldn't do it and this book brought it back that I can do it.
I love the cover with Kristina looking out at the reader and Constance looking at Kristina. Both of their eyes are filled with so much.
They're both beautiful, strong women.
Here is a sampling of Kristina's thoughts from page 132:
I wondered what my friends in school would say if they could see me now. I used to be lean and strong. I was beautiful once, and sweet, funny, and shy. What would they think now if they could see me lying here on this bed, high on crack, starving, shivering, and waiting to be fucked by a crack-addicted blind man?
There are many memoirs out there by reovered/recovering addicts. Some are false and everyone knows it - A Million Little Pieces and some are truly awesome and real - In My Skin: A Memoir. Not many really can get through to someone. I believe that was Kristina and Constance's goal here. Not to get the name of the company Kristina started out, not to make money or get known. I honestly think they wanted to tell their story to heal and to hopefully help others heal. That also comes through in the writing and it makes it meaningful - that's something a lot of memoirs "like this" lack.
I'll be recommending this book for a long time to come. Don't miss it - whether you're an addict, recovering, have a family member addicted/recovering or just like memoirs, this is one not to miss.
I don't think Kristina expanded on everything - I truly believe there were some parts left out and normally this would bother me. It didn't here, maybe because she was so truthful.
The writing here is so simple yet so beautiful - the emotion comes shining through which makes the simple wording so much more meaningful.
My younger sister read this before me and I really hope I can get my Mom to read it. Recovery, for the addict and the family, is a life-long process and I really think my Mom may be able to come away with something from The Lost Years.
I was inspired reading this and that happens.... well, never. I woke up and started making a list of places in my area that cater to addicts and I want to start volunteering. And I want to go back to school. I made myself believe that I couldn't do it and this book brought it back that I can do it.
I love the cover with Kristina looking out at the reader and Constance looking at Kristina. Both of their eyes are filled with so much.
They're both beautiful, strong women.
Here is a sampling of Kristina's thoughts from page 132:
I wondered what my friends in school would say if they could see me now. I used to be lean and strong. I was beautiful once, and sweet, funny, and shy. What would they think now if they could see me lying here on this bed, high on crack, starving, shivering, and waiting to be fucked by a crack-addicted blind man?
There are many memoirs out there by reovered/recovering addicts. Some are false and everyone knows it - A Million Little Pieces and some are truly awesome and real - In My Skin: A Memoir. Not many really can get through to someone. I believe that was Kristina and Constance's goal here. Not to get the name of the company Kristina started out, not to make money or get known. I honestly think they wanted to tell their story to heal and to hopefully help others heal. That also comes through in the writing and it makes it meaningful - that's something a lot of memoirs "like this" lack.
I'll be recommending this book for a long time to come. Don't miss it - whether you're an addict, recovering, have a family member addicted/recovering or just like memoirs, this is one not to miss.
February 22, 2008
One of the most amazing books of this type that I've read because of its brutal honesty. A mother and daughter tell the story, in alternating chapters, of the daughter's descent into alcoholism and drug addiction as a teenager and her subsequent estrangement from her family. She escaped from rehab numerous times, she traded sex for drugs and she ultimately became homeless before overcoming her addictions when she was well into her twenties. The daughter, Kristin, holds nothing back in sharing the worst details of her experiences; in a similarly honest fashion, her mother makes no attempts to gloss over the mistakes she may have made along the way or the weaknesses in their family that could have contributed to Kristin's problems. I would highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with an addict in his or her family. It is a painful and emotional read, but hearing this story from the viewpoints of the two people who lived through it gave me a deeper understanding of how the addict thinks when s/he is using while validating some of the decisions my husband and I have made in dealing with family members with addiction problems.
April 19, 2021
Honest and brutal story of how addiction doesn’t only affect the person using, but everyone in their life. The authors share how their family life was a breeding ground for addiction, and the changes they had to make in order to confront those issues and heal from them. The strength of Kristina’s mother in not getting pulled into codependency was remarkable.
I really liked how the book was as much about Kristina’s dark past as it was her recovery and how much time it took, and the steps she had to take in order to fully heal. Addiction recovery isn’t just the cessation of the drug of choice, it’s changing ones entire life and confronting the reasons that lead to the addiction in the first place. I can see how this book would be very helpful to those seeking treatment, in recovery, or those who love them.
I really liked how the book was as much about Kristina’s dark past as it was her recovery and how much time it took, and the steps she had to take in order to fully heal. Addiction recovery isn’t just the cessation of the drug of choice, it’s changing ones entire life and confronting the reasons that lead to the addiction in the first place. I can see how this book would be very helpful to those seeking treatment, in recovery, or those who love them.
January 30, 2021
A very important book!
This book was written from the perspectives of a mother and daughter about their experiences with addiction. I appreciate both points of view because I am the mother of an addicted daughter. I am better educated and informed because this mother and daughter shared their life stories. I can relate well to the mother's story, but, Kristina's story enlightened me to what my daughter may have been experiencing and why she has behaved in ways I have not understood before reading this book. I, too, use Al-Anon and therapy to live my life and found how to have better days in healthier ways for over 20 years now of estrangement from my daughter. I never give up hope, but I am firmly planted in reality. This was a powerful read for me!
This book was written from the perspectives of a mother and daughter about their experiences with addiction. I appreciate both points of view because I am the mother of an addicted daughter. I am better educated and informed because this mother and daughter shared their life stories. I can relate well to the mother's story, but, Kristina's story enlightened me to what my daughter may have been experiencing and why she has behaved in ways I have not understood before reading this book. I, too, use Al-Anon and therapy to live my life and found how to have better days in healthier ways for over 20 years now of estrangement from my daughter. I never give up hope, but I am firmly planted in reality. This was a powerful read for me!
May 6, 2022
got this book for less than a dollar at a little bookstore in laguna beach. very interesting. very sad. i think it portrays addiction really well for the addict AND the family of the addict. i didn’t get bored reading this. i cant believe this is a real story!!!! so happy for kristina!!!!
June 22, 2025
again having struggled highly emotional read
August 15, 2024
Beautiful
Just loved this book. Read in 2 days. I could relate as I too have survived addiction of my daughter and we lost so much. She is now working on her recovery, still in the early stages, but I see that this time she'll make it. This certainly gave me hope. I'm sending a copy too her as well.
Just loved this book. Read in 2 days. I could relate as I too have survived addiction of my daughter and we lost so much. She is now working on her recovery, still in the early stages, but I see that this time she'll make it. This certainly gave me hope. I'm sending a copy too her as well.
July 8, 2023
This is a powerful book for anyone who has been touched by addiction. The perspectives from the addicted and the family members provide the lived experiences of each person. While there are parts that are hard to read, it leaves the reader with a depth of understanding to reflect upon. I will definitely recommend this book to friends and family who may also find it beneficial. I listened to this book and really enjoyed the multiple readers. It allowed connection with the writers.
August 16, 2011
Couldn't put this book down! Very scary how instantly her addiction started controlling her life. Kristina's story starts out like most curious and rebellious teens. Unfortunately, she inherited an extremely aggressive alcoholic trait that manifested her mistakes and nearly killed her. She's come along way and has an amazing story to tell!
April 11, 2010
An excellent and compelling book about addiction from the perspective of a mother and a daughter. An AMAZING read!
September 17, 2012
A must read for those parents whom have children suffering from addiction. Hats off to the mother for being so strong and her daughter for being so candid.
May 11, 2018
Just what I needed
After just having competed an intervention with my 14 year old son, this book gave me hope. Thank you, ladies
After just having competed an intervention with my 14 year old son, this book gave me hope. Thank you, ladies
May 13, 2019
The book depicts both sides of an addiction. The addict and the family use of the recommendations by AA and Al-anon are spot on.
I expected a different ending.
I expected a different ending.
April 20, 2020
Excellent book on forgiveness, and sobriety
Liked everything about this book! I've been in sobriety for over a year from alcohol, and reading this book helps. Thank you.
Liked everything about this book! I've been in sobriety for over a year from alcohol, and reading this book helps. Thank you.
June 22, 2021
Living through it.
It took so much courage for this mother and daughter to tell their story. We are all better off to know their pain.
It took so much courage for this mother and daughter to tell their story. We are all better off to know their pain.
March 24, 2016
Actually, 4 1/2 stars. Very raw, meaningful and moving.
March 22, 2025
I read this in less than 24 hours. I could not stop. When it was well-past my bedtime, I continued to read. I did not want to stop. Mesmerized by her story, I hung on every word. Non-fiction is my favorite genre; I love to read about other's life experiences. From the first chapter, I knew this was going to be a 5-star, recommend to all who ask, kind-of-book.
Seeing Kristina on Addiction made me Google her. I found her Instagram page and soon learned that she wrote a book. I added it to my TBR immediately and requested it from my library without an extra thought in my head. I had to know this woman's story. And she shared it ALL in this book. Down to the very grittiest detail, she shared her experience from the start of her addiction to her full recovery. Not only that, but her mother writes her side of things right alongside her. It's so fascinating (and heartbreaking) to hear what Constance went through, as she watched her daughter become lost to her addictions. Sometimes, I wonder what I would do as a mother whose child was addicted. It would be so hard to turn them away. But reading Contance's side of things really made me realize just how much the family needs help, along with the addict. I learned so much from Constance.
This is a book that I will re-read again in the future. It's a great reminder to cherish what you have and makes me want to help every struggling addict in the world. There really is a face and story and family behind each of those poor souls. I pray they all find recovery and God's love for them.
"Forgiveness is the secret to freedom, and freedom is the secret of a life well-lived."
Seeing Kristina on Addiction made me Google her. I found her Instagram page and soon learned that she wrote a book. I added it to my TBR immediately and requested it from my library without an extra thought in my head. I had to know this woman's story. And she shared it ALL in this book. Down to the very grittiest detail, she shared her experience from the start of her addiction to her full recovery. Not only that, but her mother writes her side of things right alongside her. It's so fascinating (and heartbreaking) to hear what Constance went through, as she watched her daughter become lost to her addictions. Sometimes, I wonder what I would do as a mother whose child was addicted. It would be so hard to turn them away. But reading Contance's side of things really made me realize just how much the family needs help, along with the addict. I learned so much from Constance.
This is a book that I will re-read again in the future. It's a great reminder to cherish what you have and makes me want to help every struggling addict in the world. There really is a face and story and family behind each of those poor souls. I pray they all find recovery and God's love for them.
"Forgiveness is the secret to freedom, and freedom is the secret of a life well-lived."
April 6, 2022
I had to read this book for my Substance Abuse class as I’m getting my Marriage Family Therapy degree and all I can say is Wow. This book is it when it comes to the layers of how addiction is a FAMILY disease and not a moral individual one. The honesty, relatability, and raw authenticity of this novel takes you to the depths of the worst moments and the heights of the recovery with no holding back on grabbing your emotions. I’m so grateful they have done their work, shared their story, and continue to do work in this field. I truthfully think in our nation this should be required highschool reading but I understand the material is so raw that public schools might not like that, however Kristina was 15 when she started down her path, so it’s never too soon to share the story with young minds if you ask me.
February 12, 2021
I picked this up at one of my favorite bookstores and it took me until after brining it home that this was Kristina Wandzilak from the shows Intervention, Addicted and Co-dependent. I've watched many of her shows and have been reading more about drug abuse since teaching high school and having multiple friends succumb to drug related overdoses and illnesses.
Kristina's story is very powerful and I loved that the book alternated between her and her mother's perspective throughout the book, so readers were able to see what both Kristina and her mother were thinking/doing during the same periods of time. Fascinating and hopeful, this memoir shows how a family can repair itself and how sometimes the 10th or 15th chance is the hand someone may take to get back on their feet.
Kristina's story is very powerful and I loved that the book alternated between her and her mother's perspective throughout the book, so readers were able to see what both Kristina and her mother were thinking/doing during the same periods of time. Fascinating and hopeful, this memoir shows how a family can repair itself and how sometimes the 10th or 15th chance is the hand someone may take to get back on their feet.
December 1, 2018
Realistic of life with a daughter with SUD (Substance Use Disorder). I have two. It’s never ending and would we love to have a happy ending. In the depths of a relapse right now and we are heartbroken. I think this book gave me a much needed pep talk as we start another round of heartache and frustration. My daughter that is in prison (sober and there bc of her addiction ) told me that I absolutely must read this book immediately as soon as she started reading it.
I recommend this to anyone willing to read it. You will learn a lot and particularly about how families live with this disease.
I recommend this to anyone willing to read it. You will learn a lot and particularly about how families live with this disease.
December 2, 2024
I could not put this book down until I finished it! The raw and real emotion put into this book was incredible. There are times that I would find myself relating with the mom due to having family members/friends that have had addictions and being the one on the caring/worrying and encouragement side of things. I am so glad that Kristina's life changed for the better and both are strong for making it through all of this! It would be awesome to also see a continuation of how her life is now!
May 25, 2020
Heart breaking, insightful and hopeful. A beautiful story about recovery
This story outlines the journey many parents and their addicted child go through while surviving addition.
I would recommend this book to everybody who experienced lived with or loved someone with an addiction.
This story outlines the journey many parents and their addicted child go through while surviving addition.
I would recommend this book to everybody who experienced lived with or loved someone with an addiction.
February 15, 2021
I came across Addicted recently and rewatched a few episodes. When I heard Kristina had a book out I ordered it that day and so glad I did. Her story is one of the most beautiful I have heard. Her strength gave me new strength. She was definitely put on this earth to help others heal from they’re struggles and it’s the most beautiful calling ❤️
March 20, 2022
This book is told from two perspectives following the same timeline: the mother and the addict daughter.
Kristina starts drinking in 9th grade, and it spirals into a full blown drug addiction and her life on the streets and how she finds recovery.
Very well written and quite a story. It hits close to home as I am a mother of an addict. Great insights.
Kristina starts drinking in 9th grade, and it spirals into a full blown drug addiction and her life on the streets and how she finds recovery.
Very well written and quite a story. It hits close to home as I am a mother of an addict. Great insights.
October 29, 2024
This book was an amazing story of addiction and recovery. I cried and made notes and will never forget these women’s lives. I believe that this book would be a great book for families struggling with addiction, or someone who is on the road to recovery. Kristina explains so much self reflection that I think anyone could benefit from.
October 28, 2016
Required reading for anyone living with an addict or alcoholic
Not the best written book but brutally honest about where addiction can take family. Kristina's portion was poignant, Mom's was a bit stifled.
Not the best written book but brutally honest about where addiction can take family. Kristina's portion was poignant, Mom's was a bit stifled.
October 23, 2017
Just beautiful. And so satisfying in the last few chapters...even better that Kristina is now all over the internet as a very successful interventionist, drug and alcohol councillor. Loved this book, finished it ina few hours too
March 15, 2018
The Lost Years
I read this in one sitting. I have never been filled with more hope. Addiction is a horrible disease. This recollection of raw events shines a new light on recovery.
I read this in one sitting. I have never been filled with more hope. Addiction is a horrible disease. This recollection of raw events shines a new light on recovery.
September 11, 2018
I enjoyed this book. It's pretty remarkable that she was able to turn her life around after hitting so low. I have to admit that she is a better person that me because I don't think I could have forgiven the man who raped me or even helped the guy that got her to prostitute herself for drugs.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews