Way Worse Than Being A Dentist: The Lawyer's Quest for Meaning

by Will Meyerhofer

This is a collection of Will Meyerhofer's notorious "In-House Counseling" column from AboveTheLaw.com, with additional new material.

Genres: Law, Nonfiction

286 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 22, 2010

Reviews

[E · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Spoiler/ambiguous personal essay alert*

This was really funny and heartrending, especially if you're currently practicing "BigLaw" (I'm not sure what the criteria is for that anymore ... I would go with "just working at a law firm" plus adding about 700 billables a year). The author's columns (and I am a fan of his column at AboveTheLaw ... me and a bunch of super vitriolic people probably procrastinating and lending complete credence to this work) are funny, although I would've like to have seen more new material in this book. The shifts between satire, patient interactions and personal anecdotes are effective. The observations of workload and work interactions are spot on, even if you weren't at S&C racking up 2600 a year. To some degree, I think any practicing lawyer would quickly recognize them. And I really enjoyed the crown piece of where he shows up for his law firm's reunion and his partner's reaction to all the richesse. I visited a friend who was clerking at Allen & Overy in London the year before I decided to apply to law school. Despite her using part of my visit as an attempt to maturely make me realize - in fact, almost precisely as the author does - that I needed real reasons to go to law school, I'd be a complete liar if my gut reaction to being inside her firm for two hours didn't have something to do with my ultimate career path.

(She's since paid off her loans, gotten out and is pursuing a PhD in middle eastern archeology. She's basically a Meyerhofer success story, and I enviously note seemed to need none of the therapy. Anomoly?)

I think my one complaint - nay, suggestion - to the author, would be a followup with more on surviving, perhaps even (shock) succeeding in a law firm, because some of us have decided to "own" that decision, or are at jobs that maybe don't produce the consuming anxiety provoked by S&C types whose billable requirements are far and away above ours, but also still have hard axes to grind until we decide (or they do) if this is forever. Because of loans, because of acquired expensive tastes, because we find ourselves actually enjoying our work at times, are okay at it, and sometimes are not sure if any other career would be better. For example, on really bad days when I've thought about throwing it in, I tend to resort to flashing back to airport security lines and TSA peeps, thinking trying to herd cats at that salary and with that level of ingratitude is worse. Or even worse ... when I was a waitress - at Cracker Barrel. Having a partner call you on a vacation ain't nothing like standing between an incredibly obese woman and her red eye gravy knowing full well she is not going to give you a tip. I wouldn't trade my life now (even on crap days) for that.

So, maybe I've drunk the koolaid, maybe that's a coping mechanism, or maybe that's a healthy way of making the most of where I am and taking responsibilities for the choices I've made. But, perhaps a book on finding quirky or unorthodox ways to deal with that would be successful instead of just a tome of doom (however funny and well-written) on how there is no way to have a work-life balance with big law or the other disturbing spectrum of generic feel-good partner-authored amazon selection. Perhaps the first step is ... acceptance. And the second, flight (this book covers more than its share on that one) or fight. I would like to just see more on fight. There's a teaser of it - it's acknowledged as possible. I've seen people do it in the same career context, and some of them actually turn out okay.

Which would lead me to my second suggestion for a followup as to law specific issues - how to deal with the people bossing you around that did not turn out okay. There's a lot of talk in here about emotional buffering, but it would be nice to see some practical steps on just how to do that. (*See my further reading suggestion below) He touches nicely on the "pleasing" aspect of lawyering and the desire for a reward that never comes ... but doesn't seem to have hit as strongly on how to achieve that for yourself. Because there will hit a point where that is what you'll need to do to survive, even if you can't manage it 100% of the time. Oh ... baby steps.

Anyone reviewing my reading list can see I'm totally a diletante wannabe therapist, so, until my suggested book gets authored: if you're one of those people working at a law firm who wants to run screaming from scary tyrannical and unreasonable partners or finds yourself in a panic attack because you're overwhelmed doing a lot of things that you've thought were "not your job" or completely arbitrary and meanspirited, it would probably be useful to figure out how to stop feeling that way (justified or not) and to cut the cord in the hours when you leave work to a life of your own - even if it's just an hour or two on long days. I know it's possible, general CBT teaches it. But I think Meyerhofer might be the person to write about how to do it in a law firm - admittedly a unique context - once he's busy scaring all the future lawyers away.

I'm going on 5 years in law now. I still have days where I want to move to Wyoming and start a goat farm while authoring great works, but that's been an escapist fantasy that has tracked all of my careers and I don't seem to be doing anything to further that goal, so ... It does get easier, because you have to get mentally tougher and stop worrying so darn much. Or maybe you just get meaner or less sensitive. It's also very possible I'm undergoing the "metamorphosis" so endemic to advancement - but I want to stay aware of that and not let it happen. I want to still treat people who work for me with kindness and respect, and his message about not letting life at a law firm change you (it will, somewhat regardless) is something to be taken to heart even if you do decide you want to be partner. At the same time, and completely without any irony, my recent reading of The Wisdom of Psychopaths, on employing the positive traits of psychopathy to succeed, gave me a completely new approach to my career that surprisingly made it less stressful. I think it's about adapting in some ways. So, take that for what it's worth. Hopefully, a giggle.

Anyway, enough of the "personal essay" bit before some bar association person digs this out and makes me give a talk on mental health or succeeding at a law firm or something, I enjoyed this. Perhaps it could have a sequel? Perhaps some of his patients could find a reoslution that didn't involve them detouring off the yellow brick road? I think it could happen ... to a few of us.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super addictive/depressing/validating read for those in law firm world.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are considering law school or are already there, Way Worse Than Being a Dentist by Will Meyerhofer is a must-read.

Meyerhofer is a former BigLaw attorney who is now known as The People's Therapist because, with his Master's in Social Work, he counsels lawyers and ex-lawyers, among others; he expertly weaves his own experiences with those of his patients (obviously in non-identifiable ways) to discuss some aspects of being a Big Law attorney that aren't discussed very often or very openly.

I love Law School Undercover by Professor X for insight into what law school is like, and The Young Lawyer's Jungle Book by Thane Messinger does a excellent job of laying out the logistics of law firm life, but Meyerhofer's book goes deeper and hits on the emotions and sentiments of attorneys who have worked in BigLaw as both partners and associates. Meyerhofer delves into not-often talked about issues like demanding partners, intermittent boredom as an associate, and office romances, offering support and advice for how to begin to cope with various situations.

Meyerhofer's writing style is clean and casual, making it a true pleasure to read, and the book itself is organized as a collection of his columns from Above the Law -- great for reading on the go and digesting as much or as little as you wish in a given sitting.

This book would also be useful for recent law graduates and practicing attorneys, especially those in Big Law who perhaps feel alone and not sure where to turn or what to do next. This is without a doubt one of the best books I've come across about the realities of working in the legal profession, and I can't recommend it highly enough. Five stars.

[breanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Crazy how nobody told me this book existed when I decided to take out more money in loans than I’ve ever seen in my life. A lot of regret. A lot of anxiety. Godspeed.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book addresses the wisdom of going to law school in light of the current job market for lawyers. The rest of the chapters focus on Big Law. As the wife of a sixth year Big Law associate, I can say this book is fairly accurate. There are certainly a lot of really ridiculous things about Big Law and the law school scam in general. I have a problem with the fact he doesn't address any other types of legal careers. Big law is still small despite its name. I think he should have admitted to the possibility there can be happiness and success in a legal field. He is, however, perfectly correct when he states most people go to law school because they simply have no other idea of what to do. Law schools, especially lower ranked law schools, charge entirely too much. It's wrong that law school are cash cows that fund universities. If you are thinking of going to law school, I would highly recommend this book. He makes some great points. If you don't take it too personally, it's also really fuuny.

[Angi Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a funny although slightly caustic read. An ex-corporate lawyer-turned therapist wrote this as caution against pursuing the law school dream without adequately understanding the financial and practical challenges of getting the JD, passing the bar and practicing at a big firm. I couldn't help but think that this is just the opinion of one person who didn't have a good law school/associate experience, and that people should take this with a grain of salt and appreciation for the biting zingers.

[L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic. A funny, depressing, and completely accurate look at the misery of law firm life. If you want to know what it's really like to be a big firm lawyer, read this book, The Associate (minus the plot), and watch Billable Hours.

[Elaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the very few books I've read in one sitting, this book was insightful, compassionate and very funny. Anyone who has worked for any length of time in law will recognise themselves and their coworkers in many of the vignettes. Highly recommended if you want a laugh and a completely new perspective on the legal industry.

[Z · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this during my painful years in BigLaw. If you are a (corporate) lawyer or know someone who is, this is a fascinating, funny, honest, empathetic work by a lawyer-turned-psychotherapist on the afflictions of the legal profession.

[Crinoid · Rating 4 out of 5]

The negativity was delightful

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

good reading if you are in law or love someone who is!

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars because it was very readable, but at the expense of depth. This is a collection of blog articles, after all. Still, I mostly liked it! The author is a former lawyer who became a psychotherapist, now counseling lawyers. He definitely has very, very strong views toward big law firms, but not without his reasons. This book also makes more sense after having read Vanderbilt Law Review's "On Being a Happy, Healthy, and Ethical Member of an Unhappy, Unhealthy, and Unethical Profession" article.

I like this part: "The first person worth more than money is you. I used to take the elevator down from [the firm] once in a while. To the ground level. Then I’d go outside. I looked at trees. That’s it. To remind myself they exist. It’s just a job. Trees matter. Nature matters. Art matters. Friends matter. If things get that bad at a firm, you can leave. To hell with loans and 'career' and all that. If this place is killing you, you can depart. You are more important than any other consideration. If this environment is toxic for you, you need to get out. People matter. You matter. If you’re going to enter the world of Biglaw, remember what it is, a bubble. Don’t forget to visit your grandmother."

Life exists. Outside of firms, outside of school, and outside of my home. Hope I don't forget that.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

Save for an anecdote or two, as a former biglaw attorney I can relate to every situation mentioned in this book. Even the part about the prints of hunting scenes on the wall. Every firm I have worked at has had at least a handful of painting depicting the old English fox hunt, replete with red riding jackets and fox hounds.
The author slightly comes across as exaggerating the horrors of biglaw, but he’s not. Every law student should read this and every prospective law student should definitely read this. I highly recommend his follow up, Still Way Worse Than Being a Dentist.

[dno · Rating 4 out of 5]

Scary book ngl being in debt is scary that’s all I got from it and that the billable hour is tough, and that third tier law schools are a scam, humans need to have a goal to be passionate

[Shang · Rating 3 out of 5]

Limited view of lawyering as a profession as a whole. He primarily focuses on his own experience in big law.

[Megan Stembridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny. True. Niche.

I expected more than regurgitated columns, and I got a little more--but not a lot. Worth reading for lawyers, aspiring lawyers, and the people who love them.