What do you think?
Rate this book
...Or Not to Be: A Collection of Suicide Notes by Etkind, Marc(February 1, 1997) Paperback
The first book of its kind, Or Not to Be offers rare insights into the lives - and deaths - of such luminaries as Vincent Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, Diane Arbus, Jim Jones, Anne Sexton, Hermann Goering, Kurt Cobain, and Yukio Mishima, via their last letters and suicide notes.
Unknown Binding
First published February 1, 1997
16 people are currently reading
1729 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
Read
March 7, 2025......Or not to be - that is the tricky part. Do I follow my brain, or listen to my heart?
To be is to dream, to chase every goal, but to be not - par contre - thin food for the soul.
To be means to fight for glory and fame, but to be not - is to refuse the game.
To be is to reach for the stars in the sky , to be not - sometimes, means just getting by.
So, as we go forth on this big, wide stage, we will learn to be wise, as we turn every page.
How to be , and to be not , in life's grand play - it is in knowing when to go, and when to stay.
To be is to dream, to chase every goal, but to be not - par contre - thin food for the soul.
To be means to fight for glory and fame, but to be not - is to refuse the game.
To be is to reach for the stars in the sky , to be not - sometimes, means just getting by.
So, as we go forth on this big, wide stage, we will learn to be wise, as we turn every page.
How to be , and to be not , in life's grand play - it is in knowing when to go, and when to stay.
October 10, 2011
Hmm. The title was my favorite part of this book. 2 ½ stars for the book
I’ve never truly understood suicide notes. If one is through with life, why the need to write a note? If one has more to say, why not say it and not commit suicide or defer suicide?
This is a collection of writings previously published elsewhere: suicide notes from famous and unknown people, excerpts from notes, suicde notes of people who did not go on to attempt suicide or failed in their attempts. And, the most interesting parts in the book are tidbits of various statistics about suicide, and ancillary information about people and situations, rather than the notes themselves.
The organization of the book is interesting. The Contents: Introduction; The Birth of the Suicide Note; Love and Hate; To the Point?; Disgrace; Altruistic Suicide; The Artistic Temperament; In Public; Hollywood Endings; Suicide Diaries; Mass Suicide; Around the World; The Right to Die; Acknowledgments.
I liked the included information better than the actual notes, many of which were not all that interesting. Many were sad but not that interesting.
I wasn’t wild that the author seemed to put forth his own prejudice against the right to die, something in which I fervently believe in. Having seen so many die of cancer and suffer with a variety of other maladies, I definitely want this option open for myself, should the need arise; I would not write a note.
I’ve never truly understood suicide notes. If one is through with life, why the need to write a note? If one has more to say, why not say it and not commit suicide or defer suicide?
This is a collection of writings previously published elsewhere: suicide notes from famous and unknown people, excerpts from notes, suicde notes of people who did not go on to attempt suicide or failed in their attempts. And, the most interesting parts in the book are tidbits of various statistics about suicide, and ancillary information about people and situations, rather than the notes themselves.
The organization of the book is interesting. The Contents: Introduction; The Birth of the Suicide Note; Love and Hate; To the Point?; Disgrace; Altruistic Suicide; The Artistic Temperament; In Public; Hollywood Endings; Suicide Diaries; Mass Suicide; Around the World; The Right to Die; Acknowledgments.
I liked the included information better than the actual notes, many of which were not all that interesting. Many were sad but not that interesting.
I wasn’t wild that the author seemed to put forth his own prejudice against the right to die, something in which I fervently believe in. Having seen so many die of cancer and suffer with a variety of other maladies, I definitely want this option open for myself, should the need arise; I would not write a note.
July 1, 2015
I thought this was an interesting and thought-provoking book. Some people call it suicide porn, and think it is disgusting to want to read notes left behind by mentally I'll people at their most vulnerable and emotional time. I don't think so, and I think the compiler provided interesting and thoughtful commentary and statistics to accompany the notes. What I do find disgusting is the people who rated the book poorly because the notes themselves were "boring" or "not as interesting" as they had hoped.
January 11, 2016
This book is a quick and interesting read. While Etkind's analysis is superficial the notes themselves are fascinating, poignant and, at times, beautiful. My favourite quote, a single line from Ralph Barton: "The air is always full of reasons".
December 19, 2007
Reading the commentary in this book is like reading true crime. The author is all: "this is a manifestation of PURE EVIL!" and "...sounds more like shame and self degredation than true altruism."
So, the author is completely stupid. And superior. But the suicide notes are interesting.
So, the author is completely stupid. And superior. But the suicide notes are interesting.
February 18, 2011
I felt morbidly perverted reading through this. Didn't realize I found something so personal and taboo this exciting to read what ruinied it was the additional case study of the notes. I thought the psychology of the work would be interesting, but it came off smug and arrogant.
May 4, 2019
Suicide notes are something that has always fascinated me as a structure of writing, and being someone who suffers from suicidal thoughts this book felt like a two-fold opportunity. It was a chance to learn more about the act of suicide and the people who feel compelled to take their own lives, as well as a chance to read the last words of people who felt they'd lost every conceivable option.
Marc Etkind doesn't appear to have a central thesis with this book, instead, this feels more like a collection of case studies. Organizing these notes and his analysis of them by themes or personalities, Etkind gives the reader a chance to see how artists approach suicide as opposed to those who feel that their suicide is altruistic or how serial murderers approach their suicide.
This collection could be seen as tasteless or manipulative if it were not for the fact that Etkind introduces this book as a chance to really study Suicide study as glimpses into the pained mind. It's not a pleasant topic, especially if you're someone who has lost someone to suicide or else someone who suffers from suicidal thoughts yourself. Still, I defend this book as a resource because it allowed me a chance to see other people who have suffered from the same affliction. Reading these notes I was able to see other people's pain and empathize with their plight.
Suicide is not going away, and in fact, it currently as of this writing, is a leading cause of death in the populace. For this reason alone a book like this is not only relevant, it's worth the reader's time.
Marc Etkind doesn't appear to have a central thesis with this book, instead, this feels more like a collection of case studies. Organizing these notes and his analysis of them by themes or personalities, Etkind gives the reader a chance to see how artists approach suicide as opposed to those who feel that their suicide is altruistic or how serial murderers approach their suicide.
This collection could be seen as tasteless or manipulative if it were not for the fact that Etkind introduces this book as a chance to really study Suicide study as glimpses into the pained mind. It's not a pleasant topic, especially if you're someone who has lost someone to suicide or else someone who suffers from suicidal thoughts yourself. Still, I defend this book as a resource because it allowed me a chance to see other people who have suffered from the same affliction. Reading these notes I was able to see other people's pain and empathize with their plight.
Suicide is not going away, and in fact, it currently as of this writing, is a leading cause of death in the populace. For this reason alone a book like this is not only relevant, it's worth the reader's time.
April 22, 2012
Fascinating and useful if one is studying suicide. As there are many different possible reasons for choosing to die, so are there many different possible expressions with which to take one's leave, including silence.
November 6, 2024
This is a powerful little book. The author does use long quotes from experts on suicide, and occassionally asks important rhetorical questions, but mostly just lets the notes speak for themselves.
The notes are gathered into various categories, like people who killed themselves in public, suicides in the arts, Hollywood suicides, suicides in countries like Japan and Russia. It ends with a look at the Right to Die movement, which the author clearly has issues with, but doesn't bang on endlessly about it.
This was published in 1997, so information is out of date. For example, in 2024, the country with the highest suicide rate is Greenland. Better AIDS drugs have led to lower suicide rates of those with the disease. However, the subject of suicide is still pertinent.
Writers -- not just of suicide notes, but writers in general -- should read this book in order to learn how to write better. For example, one teenager killed himself Christmas Eve. His suicide note?
Merry Christmas.
Kid nailed it in two words. (Although part of me hopes that this note wound being a fake.)
My "favorite" suicide note?
No comment.
The notes are gathered into various categories, like people who killed themselves in public, suicides in the arts, Hollywood suicides, suicides in countries like Japan and Russia. It ends with a look at the Right to Die movement, which the author clearly has issues with, but doesn't bang on endlessly about it.
This was published in 1997, so information is out of date. For example, in 2024, the country with the highest suicide rate is Greenland. Better AIDS drugs have led to lower suicide rates of those with the disease. However, the subject of suicide is still pertinent.
Writers -- not just of suicide notes, but writers in general -- should read this book in order to learn how to write better. For example, one teenager killed himself Christmas Eve. His suicide note?
Merry Christmas.
Kid nailed it in two words. (Although part of me hopes that this note wound being a fake.)
My "favorite" suicide note?
No comment.
February 27, 2019
Very informative look at how people formulate suicide notes, with thoughtful input from the author and data from note researchers. Great for someone who's interested in what's going through the mind of a suicidal, or for anyone who wants to write a suicidal character.
July 16, 2017
I'm sure I'm a terrible person for reading this, but it gave me a lot of insight into something that's hard to talk about.
February 4, 2018
Kind of "Fluffy" for a book dedicated to such a serious matter.
July 29, 2022
It is what it is. A glimpse into the minds of those most needing to be heard. The analyses after each note or the thought box following each section highlights the author’s feelings about suicide in a broad context. The opinions are outdated and rather rash. They are cold and very black and white, not even clinical. It feels like it simply brushes off suicide as the abhorrent act of individuals incapable of understanding the finality of the act. My personal opinion is that many do understand, they just do not entertain the thought because that is the goal. The author bypasses the reason the individual is trying to communicate in the first place. It may be difficult for individuals who have never suffered with ideation, depression, or other debilitating conditions so I can see why the review would be so stale. Suicide mat have common themes, but the real concern is that academia only draws correlations and refuses to turn off the analytical mind and feel through the process. Not everything should be approached with a fine tooth comb looking for nuances that set it aside from others. Sometimes the answer is sitting right in front of you.
Overall it’s an interesting quick read that I’ll keep in my collection. I wish it had been longer with more substance but again, it is what it is.
Overall it’s an interesting quick read that I’ll keep in my collection. I wish it had been longer with more substance but again, it is what it is.
December 8, 2015
"...Or Not to Be: A Collection of Suicide Notes" is one of the most darkly inspirational books I've ever read. To say this wasn't frightening to read at some point would be a lie; I had come to realize after reading this book the depths of the human mind in the state of uncontrollable depression. It astounds me that these were actually genuine accounts of the last minutes and last words of people's lives. It wasn't fiction like any other book; the fact that the "real world" pushed people to do what they did in such an ill mentality that had them desperately searching for help was the saddest of all things. I never actually realized, though, that there was depth to the science behind suicide notes. Their analysis is worded scientifically in sections of the book to explain the exact thoughts as the person who wrote the suicide note committed suicide. I can't summarize what I have read, because my words shouldn't hastily sum up the accounts of the ends of thousands of lives. Otherwise, it was a collection of different kinds of suicide notes. For instance, some people committed suicide because they were in love or guilt. I recommend this book to people specifically fascinated by psychology, like me.
March 28, 2008
Part of a focused shelf on why people kill themselves. This collection of suicide notes (which is still, I believe, on loan to a friend in San Diego--grrrr) is interesting for the notes themselves, less so for the superficial commentary that accompanies them. Some of the notes are masterpieces of concision and avoidance. George Eastman's is: "Friends, My work is done. Why wait?"
Anyway, for those with a passing interest, this book is fascinating and worth a passionate skimming.
Anyway, for those with a passing interest, this book is fascinating and worth a passionate skimming.
May 5, 2008
if you're looking to read a collection of various suicide notes (separated into categories such as "altruistic suicide," "disgrace" and "in public"), this book will do the trick. if you're looking for in-depth analysis on these notes or on suicide in general, don't bother with this one. commentary is surface and insipid...badly written by the author. the notes themselves are much more interesting.
May 3, 2013
Interesting topic, but the author's glib tone does not help, and there are weird changes in font and shading. I also didn't like how the author presented the note first and context later. I did, however, find many of the notes very artful and moving. My favorite: "Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache." Also: "I did it because I am tired of inventing devices for getting through twenty-four hours a day..."
December 13, 2020
Unsettling, like seeing the last pictures of celebrities taken before they die. Real tough book to get with and I didn’t find much redeeming value in the exercise undertaken here by Etkind. I honestly thought I’d like this, but found it too creepy and bookish, with the focus being on writers and their words. No doubt it’s better to focus on what the writers produced in their prime, rather than at the bitter end.
December 3, 2008
This is without a doubt the most depressing book I've ever read.
November 30, 2007
If anyone has a copy of this book that they'd like to get rid of - please send it my way!! Mine went missing, and I had just loved it. It's now out of print.
November 30, 2007
highly recommended for the holidays...
January 2, 2010
beautiful holiday reading.
October 9, 2008
This was a birthday gift.
August 20, 2011
just light summer reading.
January 17, 2024
“Car to Helen or Ray. Needs a tuneup. Money to Max and Sylvia. Furniture to George plus $137 I owe him.”
June 8, 2025
Suicide is a topic rather close to home for me.
The last month has had me reflecting on a lot of how it relates to my life, my family, and how it has shaped my experiences: that’s how I found this book. I wondered if anyone, anywhere, had made some kind of collection of the letters we write when we think we are (or we are) saying goodbye. I borrowed a copy of it online and read through it in about three days. It’s a short book, only about 120 pages.
Three stars for: good vocabulary, syntax, and grammar, despite a couple of typos that slipped by the editors; a nuanced (albeit selectively nuanced) perspective at some of the topics explored in certain chapters; being cheeky at the correct moments to lighten to heavy subject matter; and for even caring enough to collate the last words of people that have routinely felt overlooked, invisible, and hated.
Minus two stars for: its tidy organization being at odds with its strange op-ed tone. Mr. Etkind sounded like he wanted to be more factual than subjective, but didn’t quite succeed. There are sections in the book (particularly Sylvia Plath’s/the selective coverage on Sexton… how boringly predictable) where it becomes glaringly obvious that he’s willing to mythologize and add to this undeserved mystique suicide has, socially - he tries to disguise his personal opinion as observation, and it really soured some parts of the book for me.
This is all keeping in mind that it was published in 1997, and therefore probably written or worked on through the 80s and early 90s: AIDs was still more or less a death sentence, and distressing enough of a diagnosis that AIDs sufferers had one of the highest rates of suicide among the general population, outstripping even the elderly. Some public opinions (like those regarding some famous women or suicide cases) were pretty much unchallenged from any angle.
Conclusion: it is what it is. Not exactly the cathartic and exhaustive account I was looking for, but it’s certainly something. It could have been better. It could have been worse. I’m glad someone gave enough of a damn to write it at all, even if his interest does sometimes come off as ghoulish.
The last month has had me reflecting on a lot of how it relates to my life, my family, and how it has shaped my experiences: that’s how I found this book. I wondered if anyone, anywhere, had made some kind of collection of the letters we write when we think we are (or we are) saying goodbye. I borrowed a copy of it online and read through it in about three days. It’s a short book, only about 120 pages.
Three stars for: good vocabulary, syntax, and grammar, despite a couple of typos that slipped by the editors; a nuanced (albeit selectively nuanced) perspective at some of the topics explored in certain chapters; being cheeky at the correct moments to lighten to heavy subject matter; and for even caring enough to collate the last words of people that have routinely felt overlooked, invisible, and hated.
Minus two stars for: its tidy organization being at odds with its strange op-ed tone. Mr. Etkind sounded like he wanted to be more factual than subjective, but didn’t quite succeed. There are sections in the book (particularly Sylvia Plath’s/the selective coverage on Sexton… how boringly predictable) where it becomes glaringly obvious that he’s willing to mythologize and add to this undeserved mystique suicide has, socially - he tries to disguise his personal opinion as observation, and it really soured some parts of the book for me.
This is all keeping in mind that it was published in 1997, and therefore probably written or worked on through the 80s and early 90s: AIDs was still more or less a death sentence, and distressing enough of a diagnosis that AIDs sufferers had one of the highest rates of suicide among the general population, outstripping even the elderly. Some public opinions (like those regarding some famous women or suicide cases) were pretty much unchallenged from any angle.
Conclusion: it is what it is. Not exactly the cathartic and exhaustive account I was looking for, but it’s certainly something. It could have been better. It could have been worse. I’m glad someone gave enough of a damn to write it at all, even if his interest does sometimes come off as ghoulish.
August 4, 2025
I know that this book is problematic. Call it voyeuristic, disrespectful, smug, judgmental, or exploitative but, I purchased it through amazon back in the late 90s - back when amazon was my go-to for getting my hands on hard to find or risque topics. It fascinated me to the point where I became very familiar with it and ended it up incorporating some of the lines or ideas expressed in my own writing. My copy sits in a place of honor among several other books that I find meaningful.
I thought of it again as I finally got around to pulling out "The Sorrows of Young Werther," a book he mentions that caused many copycat suicides in Germany after it was published.
I always value a book that leads me to read other books.
I thought of it again as I finally got around to pulling out "The Sorrows of Young Werther," a book he mentions that caused many copycat suicides in Germany after it was published.
I always value a book that leads me to read other books.
September 10, 2025
it's weirdly interesting and even though the author is a mental health professional, they give their opinion in a more raw manner. the letters are written just as they were signed, some of them really give you chills. the beliefs regarding suicide discussed by the author are also laughable. this is an old book, almost 28 years old and i imagine what more the author can add now that there are websites, forums and livestreams and so much more related to s**cide (i have no idea if the author still lives, couldn't find much on the internet either). we have come a long way from hemlock society, need a 2.0
November 24, 2018
Fascinating and ultimately sad, if you've suffered a loved one's suicide and wished there had been at least a note, this shows that they often don't provide much insight, or attribute (not surprisingly) far more weight to current troubles than they merit. Morbid curiosity made me grab this off the shelf, and it's a decent read, but probably more would be gained from reading full biographies of some of the persons whose deaths were touched upon.
February 25, 2025
As someone in the process of writing a suicide note it was quite interesting to see the authors views on those who have written notes before me.
Quite a mean book, but expected from the views on suicide at present.
The book was a great read and provided good ideas on what not to include in a suicide note.
Quite a mean book, but expected from the views on suicide at present.
The book was a great read and provided good ideas on what not to include in a suicide note.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews