Mary, Martha, And Me by Camille Fronk Olson

by Camille Fronk Olson

When someone says, "She is a Martha-type," we know just what that a woman who is practical, competent, down-to-earth. We understand that Marthas are certainly useful and necessary, but it's usually Mary that gets the halo. Author Camille Fronk Olson brings unique insights and perspectives to the biblical story of two sisters, Mary and Martha, who serve Jesus in different ways. Exploring the mixed messages in daily life, she discusses the motives and focus that determine our choices and the problem of comparing our gifts and contributions to others. In her warm, engaging style, the author brings to light the lessons Mary and Martha learn from each other and the "one thing [that] is needful" for both.

Genres: Lds, Religion, Nonfiction, Church, Inspirational, Book Club, Spirituality

Unknown Binding

First published April 1, 2006

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! I'm so happy I read this book! The story of Martha and Mary has always been difficult for me - because I feel like (as the mom) I am more like Martha and I've always thought she got worked for doing what she had to do - make dinner! This book gave me answers and perspective and NOW I get it.

My favorite "ah-ha" moments from the book -

First of all, Christ never says Mary has chosen the BETTER part. He just says she has chosen that good part. I swear I've always heard the word better in there.

My second "ah-ha" moment is in Chapter 4. Speaking of our tendancy to compare ourselves or others with others, the author says "Where there is a difference, we find a natural inclination to compare and assign relative value. If one is good, the other must be bad, or at least not as good. . . . What is He saying about Mary's choice of service? It is good. What does that say about Martha's service? Nothing. When we label Martha's active service as not as good, or even bad in comparison to Mary's studious service, we create a dichomoty that Christ did not imply." Ohhhhh, I get it! It's my own pride that assumes Christ was saying Martha didn't choose that good part. But she IS serving and loving the Lord! Just not in the same way as Mary at that moment. I compare it to the difference between how my hubby and I love our kids in the 4:00 hour. He is outside on his skateboard or playing soccer or throwing the ball around with them while I am inside making dinner. We're both loving them, but not in the same way, and one isn't better than the other. See?!

And Chapter 7 on Priorities is great too. One of my favorite quotes ever is included here: "Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with 'good things' so there is no room for the essential ones." - Richard G. Scott. "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." - Ezra Taft Benson. And one final quote by the author - "But the adversary is not always so blatant. He doesn't often insist that we put him first in our loyalty. Anything or anyone other than God as the primary object of our love will suffice." Powerful. Love it. I'll stop rambling now.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really needed the lessons and wisdom in this little volume. Being a dyed in the wool perfectionist (though I've spent most of my life trying to overcome that) I know what it feels like to be cumbered, to be careful and troubled about many things. Camille Fronk Olson delves into the biblical story of Mary and Martha with remarkable scriptural insight helping the reader to come full circle--as Martha did-- to realize that the "one needful thing" is indeed Christ. Beautiful, thought-provoking, inspiring.

[Sonja · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books that took a lot of concepts I already knew and understood and reorganized them to introduce an idea I had not grasped yet. there were a lot of "ah-hah!" moments. I love the argument that, all-in-all, Mary and Martha both served Christ with their own talents and that (besides wanting Mary to be forced to serve how she did) they complimented each other very well. It introduced a different twist on service to me and finding that "one needful thing".

[Kylie Funk Kramer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Many reviewers on Goodreads have completely missed the point of this book: it's not Mary OR Martha...it's BOTH. Sometimes we will be more like Martha, sometimes we will be more like Mary. We have times and seasons in our lives that require different things from us. This is a very simple concept, so the effort to make a whole book from this notion was ridiculous to me from the get go.

Overall I thought this book was boring and repetitive. The topic of how do we center our lives on Christ and make time for other needful and good things is a hard one. That being said, the author's points were highly emotional and very amorphous. I wanted a little more substance. I felt like I was reading a diary. There is a little chunk where the author analyzes the historical time period and customs of Christ, Mary, and Martha. I found that interesting for a bit...but...then she goes on to say that most of the "facts" about dates and locations are still just educated guesses. So, she kind of lost me there. Bottom line, if you want to learn how to cope with life's stresses, how not to compare yourselves to others, and how to meet the many demands placed on us I would say just read your Bible AND get a thicker skin. My biggest beef with this book was it's claim that we would/could all understand each other's choices and we would take comfort in that unity. I think that's chasing a ghost. We will NEVER have everyone understand or agree with our choices or our lifestyles. I really believe that we must find security and comfort for our choices within ourselves. People are entitled to disagree with us. They are entitled to not like our points of view, our choices, our lifestyles, our looks. Anything. We have to find the fortitude to keep going without the validation of others. If we are truly on the path that we are meant to be on, our internal compass will communicate that to us. If you really need comfort or assurance, skip this book and get your pep talk straight from the words of Christ in the Bible and Book of Mormon because the only saving grace of this book was that it was short.

[Beth Given · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really insightful book detailing Martha and Mary of Bethany. Camille Fronk Olson shows that this story is not really about which sister was *better* but about looking at our own lives and aligning ourselves with Christ -- He is "the One Thing that is needful."

"Only when we forget ourselves, what others think of us, and how others' service compares to our efforts can we appreciate and internalize the one needful thing. Only when efforts are motivated by love and selflessness can His peace and gracious Spirit rest within us."

"Jesus never requires that we choose one or the other: household duties or gospel study. Daily life requires our attention to both -- by men and women alike. Too often, however, spiritual nourishment is swallowed up in the temporal crises of the moment." (p. 71)

"Mary showed us that gospel study can be done even amid the demands and distractions of everyday life. She did not let a burgeoning agenda blind her to the one needful thing. She learned to listen and ponder. Her outward calm indicates balance and focus." (p. 73)

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated Camille Fronk Olson's interpretations of the Mary/Martha stories from the New Testament. She touched upon themes that I had considered in relation to these stories. The idea that affected me most is that Martha's complaint to the Savior about Mary was essentially a comparison between the ways the sisters loved and served the Savior. There is so much comparison between women of the church, it's important to remember that the Lord accepts our sacrifices and our service in whatever ways we can best give them. There is no one right way to be a righteous woman.

[Heidi (CarolinaDreamz) Jeffers Thibodeau · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book on the way to my eldest daughter's Seminary Graduation. I loved all I had learned from Camille with BYU related talks and round table scripture discussions. I wanted my daughter to see this perspective because being a military home school mom is like being a single mom with more Martha when they were awake.

I spent the whole night reading it before I gifted it to her. I hoped knowing it could open opportunities to discuss this topic. I don't know if she read it but I was sure to obtain my own copy to mingle around for others to pick up. Mom had a way of putting things in their path.

Our mornings started with The Living Scriptures before our Seminary years, after The Round Table Discussions. I think their Seminary Teacher may have given me too much credit. Oh to have been able to stream back then...

Camille helped me share the scriptures when they were still young enough to add little tear memories in my scriptures, for me to find today.

[Colleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this short book about Mary and Martha. It focuses on the service of both of these women and the need to note compare our service to others. The author also points out that we should focus on the one "needful thing." She points out some interesting conflicts that women sometimes have in their efforts to become closer to Christ and to serve. She talked extensively about her grandmother, who was like Martha is depicted in the scriptures. Although a quick read, I felt that it was somewhat repetitious and that it could've been streamlined and focued more on the scriptural or historical (factual) interpretation.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful book because it helped me think about my priorities, why I do the things I do, and how I can be better. I have often thought about the Mary and Martha story and even thought about who I would be in the story. At certain times and situations in my life I have been Mary, but I think I more often see myself as Martha. The ideas from this book helped me gain new insights about the importance of each and really focusing on the "one thing" that is "needful" and choosing the "good part" which is Jesus Christ!!! We must "come to Him, trust Him as the Author and Finisher of our faith, and accept His enabling power as the source of all our successes to make our service pure and selfless" (page 12). There are many good things to do and be involved in, but really if we don't have the Lord and our relationship with Him as the most important then nothing else matters. We can and should simplify our lives by simply putting the Lord first. As President Hinckley said, "Get on your knees and ask for the blessings of the Lord; then stand on your feet and do what you are asked to do. Then leave the matter in the hands of the Lord" (page 103).

I loved the idea and reminder that we should worry less about our list of good things we want to do and instead focus on being near the Lord, doing what he would have us do, putting Him first. We must "let go and allow Christ to come to us. Our attempts at self-purification are superficial treatments at best. Only He can make us clean" (page 37). We must serve with "no thought of reward" and "out of love and gratitude for the Lord." "When our faith and loyalty to the Lord are steadfast and immovable, we do not weary in service to Him" (page 40). We must consider our motives for service....the best motive is charity and a pure heart. We should also be kind and not judge or categorize others. Charity is accepting and loving others.

President Hunter said, "If our lives and our faith are centered on Jesus Christ and His restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right" (page 105). Sister Patricia Holland shared a neat experience where she learned through the Spirit, "You don't have to worry over so many things. The one thing that is needful--the only thing that is truly needful--is to keep your eyes toward...my Son. Learn of me and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me" (page 115).

Each of these thoughts are so pertinent in my life. I love creating lists of things I need to do and working hard to serve and help others. I could relate to the list they refer to in Proverbs 31:10-31. I want to be a virtuous woman and these all are great and important characteristics, but I want to try harder to focus on the one thing that is needful--my relationship with my Savior....and I know that then everything will fall into place. I will seek to know Him and do His will.

[Kristi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm always grateful after picking up & reading a scriptural commentary such as this for the focus it brings to my personal study.

That said, I felt that the first chapter of this book could have made an insightful pamphlet or booklet. It was sufficient to prod me into further study of the scriptures and ask a few questions I had not considered before. The remainder of the book I skimmed, as it felt like Olson was carrying on & on about the same things. I preferred being left to my own thoughts.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really good. It talked in depth about the 3 encounters in the Bible of Jesus with Mary and Martha and what they really mean. It definitely applies to our lives and how we choose to live them. I thought this book was inspirational and motivating. It was a quick read, so that was great, too.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book--especially better understanding the historical context in which the Mary and Martha story happened. I took notes and learned to better understand not only the importance of my own contribution, but the contributions of those around me as well.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really short. The author provides really good insights to the biblical story which help the reader ponder about how it connects to themselves.

[Haley Lott]

Notes I want to remember:

An
analysis of the outcomes, resultant attitudes, or “fruit” of the checklist
approach versus trusting in the Savior’s grace discloses significant
differences. The Apostle Paul taught that the fruit “of the flesh” includes a
sense of inferiority, pride, impatience, dissatisfaction, jealousy, and
contention (see Galatians 5:19–21). The focus of that approach is on our
contribution and not on the Savior’s enabling power, making
comparison with another’s service hard to avoid. The “fruit of the Spirit,” on
the other hand, is “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness,
goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23). When we
remember Him, we take the focus off ourselves and, turning outward, allow the
healing power of Christ to take the lead.

———

The Martha part of us will
resonate with one woman’s “confessions of a perfectionist,” in which she
defined a happy life as having her home “completely organized (not one thing
out of place) and clean all the time. I wanted my family to pick up after
themselves and be on time to all their obligations. I wanted the children to do
their homework and come to family scripture study without complaining. I wanted
to adhere to a strict schedule and not deviate from it. Early to bed, early to
rise. Discipline! I didn’t need expensive, new things—I just
wanted the possessions I had stewardship over to be in perfect condition.”
————-

Apparently he was content to let her serve him
however she cared to, until she judged another person’s service: ‘Lord, dost
thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that
she help me’ (v. 40). Martha’s self-importance, expressed through her
judgment of her sister, occasioned the Lord’s rebuke, not her busyness with the
meal

—————

Martha’s accusation
is against her sister, but she doesn’t tell that to Mary. Instead, Martha goes
to Jesus. Why do we seek another’s validation in a difference of opinion if not
to garner support for our side? Our defense is even better if that person is
viewed as an “authority.”

As
a requirement for sincere discipleship, the Savior taught us to work out our
differences directly with the person involved. “Moreover if thy brother [or
sister] shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and
him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matthew
18:15). Remarkable outcomes result when we follow this counsel.

If

Mary, Martha, and Me by

————-

All
the good we might do through fine talents and efficient manner quickly
dissolves when we condemn another’s service

Mary, Martha, and Me by
———-

Like Mary, Hugh Nibley found that gospel study is
especially powerful as a means to know what should come second on any given
day. He observed that if you’re not sure what you should be doing, read
particularly the Book of Mormon. It is either the best thing you could be doing
at the time or it will quickly put you on to what you should be doing

Mary, Martha, and Me by
————

Even
in our purely Martha-esque moments, when we show our testimonies more
by our active works than by our words, we see the Lord’s requirement to wait.
In those moments when all our faculties are tuned to Him, our strength is renewed,
our focus sharpened, and we are enabled

Mary, Martha, and Me by

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Jesus Christ is the one needful thing." pg. 12.
"Mary showed us that gospel study can be done even amid the demands and distractions of every day life. She did not let a burgeoning agenda blind her to the one needful thing." pg. 73.
Women of Proverbs 31 - pg. 115.
"The Lord acknowledges Martha's care: 'Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things' (v. 41). Then he delivers the gentle but clear rebuke. . . The Lord did not go into the kitchen and tell Martha to stop cooking and come listen. Apparently he was content to let her serve him however she cared to, until she judged another person's service: 'Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me' (v. 40). Martha's self-importance, expressed through her judgment of her sister, occasioned the Lord's rebuke, not her busyness with the meal." ("Simon, I Have Somewhat to Say unto Thee," 116).
Pg. 28-30 No Respecter of Persons- "[Jesus] responded to His female disciples with the same love and care with which He responded to His apostles and other male disciples."
Martha's discipleship grew into a powerful testimony of the Savior..."Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world" (John 11:24-27). pg. 113

[Kami · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like this interpretation of the famous scripture story, but possibly because it provides affirmation to both Mary and Martha types. I heard the author speak about ten years ago and only bought the book now to give to my sister who commented to me that she hates that scripture story—she’s definitely the “Martha type”. Anyway I read it before giving it to her and it was pretty much what I remembered the talk being: Christ didn’t care if Martha was working or Mary listening, he just rebuked Martha when she acted unChristlike and complained and accused her sister. Basically saying her heart needed to be in the right place and the right place is having charity and love of Christ. I also liked this book that it was short, it gets to the point and doesn’t go on and on forever for no reason.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

great book as we all seem to identify with Mary/Martha and that is not the point of this book. It's about finding the ONE - Christ in our lives. My favorite quotes below:

"our personal vineyards become lofty and produce strange fruits when we polish only the outer vessel of our lives and allow the inner to rot away." pg. 34
"some things--the essential things--we cannot do ourselves. We must let go and allow Christ to come to us." pg. 37
"too often, however spiritual nourishment is swallowed up in the temporal crises of the moment."pg 71..."before you fall in love with a choice young man, fall in love with the scriptures" pg. 72 Spencer W. Kimball
"then it is easy to forget the fundamental purpose of life. Satan has a powerful tool to use again good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with good things so there is no room for the essential ones." Richard G. Scott pg. 96
"Here was a people who went after secondary things, setting God aside, and lost everything." pg. 101
"The answer to frustrations about what we should be doing--today, next week and next year--lies in where God figures in our lives. By changing our focus from seeking praise from our peers to finding acceptance in God, our capacity and wisdom increase, enabling us to progressively follow all that God commands." pg. 103
pg 110 OUR REQUIREMENT TO WAIT
"Did Grandma find the same solace around her quilts? Was that where she pondered and received His strength to pursue all the demands of her days? As a type of Christ's enabling power, a quilt is, after all, a covering, a covering that communicates love in every stitch.? And like the Proverbs 31..." pg. 120
"None of us is either Marth or a Mary. Fortunately, mutually exclusive categories delineated by a fe verses in scripture do not define any of us. We are each a marvelous, unique creation of God, seasoned by interaction with other remarkable people, including those in scripture. Like Mary and Martha, we need one another and are blessed by our associations, but our purpose in not to become a replica of Mary, Martha, or the "ideal" member of our ward." pg. 122

[Joanna Ellis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book called to me on my bookcase as I studied Luke 10 this week. I had been given it by a friend many years ago, but hadn’t pulled it out to read. During this week’s New Testament study it felt like the perfect time. Little did I realize that some pretty specific prayers would be answered in the pages of this book. I am grateful for the author’s insights, connections, and for writing in a way that strengthened my testimony and reminded me again that Heavenly Father is aware and mindful of me. So grateful for the encouragement to choose the needful thing. And that needful thing is always to choose my savior.

[Heidi Neuenswander · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Collectively, with our combined abilities, we accomplish vastly more and minister to a broader span of needs than we ever could by being cookie-cutter images of each other.”

Did this book feel like a slap in the face? Oh yeah! Did I feel like I couldn’t get enough? Also yes. Many good reminders in these 8 short chapters.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am impressed that someone could write 124 pages on the three times Mary and Martha of Bethany are mentioned in the New Testament. I read this book because I was asked to write questions for a church book discussion (questions below if anyone wants to use them).

The author points out that she always thought that Jesus told Martha that Mary chose the 'better' part. She points out that there is no comparison offered by Jesus between the sisters. Just that "Mary hath chosen that good part". [pg. 7:] I was under that false impression as well.

Mary and Martha are mentioned 3 times in the New Testament: 1) Luke 10:38-42 Martha's house, Mary at Jesus' feet, Martha focused on serving 2) John 11 - Lazarus (Mary and Martha's brother) dies. Jesus summoned, Jesus purposely delays return until 4 days after death. Martha hastens to meet Jesus, Mary waited at the house 3) John 12:1-9, Matthew 26:6-13, Mark 14:1-9 Home of Simon. Martha serving, Mary at Jesus' feet. Mary anoints Jesus with spikenard oil. Cost 300 denarii, equivalent to a year of wages. Judas complains over the cost (he would betray Christ for 1/3 of the value) and Mary thought ointment not good enough to anele Christ's sacred feet. [pg. 15-28:]

In the New Testament it says "Martha was cumbered about much service". The author goes into a LOT of detail talking about how charitable service morphs into cumbering service and specifically what are the negative effects of cumbered service. [pg. 33-46:]

The author talks about "an easily ruffled, quick-tempered or 'touchy' disposition" and quotes someone saying "No form of vice, not worldliness, not greed of gold, not drunkenness itself, does more to un-Christianize society than evil temper... for sheer gratuitous misery-producing power, this influence stands alone." [65-66:] I know this quote is true. I have seen the destructive power that can come from 'quick tempers'. It is quotes like this that remind me to be grateful. For I myself was once such a person, especially around a friend of mine. My sense of justice was agitated by her stories and I made it my business to try to 'right' the world. It wasn't until I was unjustly on the receiving end (from said friend) of emotions such as jealousy, anger, pride, uncharity, cruelty, self-righteousness, touchiness, doggedness and sullenness that I came to a knowledge of what I had become. It prompted a change in me and I can certainly say my life is more simple, calm, peaceful, happy and content because of that lesson and because I don't have all the unnecessary drama!

Pages 75-80 were especially interesting to me. It is all about Mary and what she became and what she knew even before the apostles did because she was diligent in her listening and pondering of the things Jesus taught. I won't do it justice here, so you'll have to go read the book!

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR

Mary, Martha, and Me
Seeking the One Thing That is Needful

By Camille Fronk Olson

A) How does your view of Proverbs 31 (“a virtuous woman”) change from the beginning of the book to the end? Is the author’s method of looking for Christ in a scriptural passage effective? [pg. 3, 117-118:]

B) What do you think of the author asserting one must learn to graciously receive in order to lose ourselves in service to others? [pg. 35-37:]

C) Martha was cumbered about much serving. The author uses the allegory of the Olive Tree to illustrate how cumbering service prevents good growth – some allow the branches to overcome the roots and some allow the roots to overcome the branches. What do the roots represent? The branches? [pg. 34-35:]

D) When does charitable service turn into cumbering service? Discuss the three negative effects of cumbered service?
a. Skews focus onto ourselves [pg. 35-37:]
b. Leads to the false belief that a lot of good deeds can pay off our debt to Christ [pg. 38-43:]
c. Pride and anticipation of praise [pg. 43-46:]

E) Dallin H. Oaks gives the following reasons to serve (least noble to greatest):
a. Earthly reward
b. Good companionship
c. Fear of punishment
d. Duty or loyalty
e. Hope for an eternal reward
f. Charity
The author shows that both Martha and Mary each serve in their own way. Where are they on Oaks’ scale of motivation? Does Martha’s motivation change between the 3 times she is mentioned in the New Testament? [pg. 48, 83-85:]

F) What is the good part which shall not be taken away from Mary? [pg. 72-73:]

G) One thing is needful and that is Jesus Christ. In what ways do each Mary and Martha show the example of putting Christ first in their lives? Is it possible to use these examples and apply them in our lives today?

H) When Mary anoints the Savior with Spikenard from the Alabaster box, we learn she knew of His coming death and burial. How does the Savior’s clear acceptance of Mary’s offering reinforce the power of listening, pondering, and learning by the Spirit? [pg. 76-80:]

I) The author states that the rebuke from the Savior would not have come except Martha prompted it. How did Martha elicit the rebuke? Was it the way she was serving? Was it her judgment of Mary? Was it her touchy disposition? [pg. 59, 60, 65:]

[VJK · Rating 3 out of 5]

Martha's service was good too. Mary hath chosen that good part, acknowledging the absence of comparison. CS Lewis observed "You can get second things only by putting first things first". referring to lists of priorities. Christ should be first.

[Ashley Curnutt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful message. I love being a woman of faith, and embracing my role in this life as a disciple of Christ.

[Sabra Ann Rasmussen · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best quick reads and full of info I did not know.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so good and had so much knowledge and wisdom in it, I might just have to read it again.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed Mrs. Olson's research, insight, and historical understanding regarding these two often misunderstood disciples of Christ. A quick applicable and inspiring read!

[Kashema Gardener · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first time you have to go through

[Sheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Several Aha moments throughout the book.

[Marlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reassuring that although our focuses might be different, the most needful thing is looking to the Savior.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned so much about these women and see them in a whole new light now. Excellent book.

[Elizabeth Ricks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very nice.