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Released from Shame: Moving Beyond the Pain of the Past by Sandra D. Wilson
Do you feel If these questions fit you, you may be experiencing shame. Often shame comes from being raised in a family that has an impaired ability to provide its members with healthy nurturing. As a result, you carry emotional scars into adult life, longing for happiness but feeling unworthy of it.Sandra Wilson knows much about "shame-based" families--both from personal experience and from her years as a family therapist. Drawing from this background, she teaches you biblical principles that have helped her and many others work through painful issues and learn new, healthier ways to live. In this revised edition, Wilson also includes help for parents who want to break the intergenerational cycle of shame and give their children a "grace-based" foundation for life.
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First published January 22, 2002
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
July 6, 2023
Excellent book! Although it’s directed towards adult children from “shame-based” families, this is also a great book if you’re planning to minister to those from “shame-based” families and cultures. It’s not a story, and doesn’t quite read like one, but it’s not a bore either. Thorough and well-written
August 29, 2022
A beautiful book that I have recommended to so many people since I've read it. Don't let the cover scare you, it's actually not as fluffy as the kite and clouds would suggest.
Sandra Wilson described shame as the feeling of having some unutterable flaw that separates us from the rest of humanity. She compared that feeling to feeling like you are a caterpillar in a butterfly world.
Throughout the chapters of this book, she examines the different avenues in which shame can enter our lives and points the reader to the truth and the hope of being released from that shame. She does mince her words regarding the intensity of the pain nor on the beauty of the healing work of Jesus.
Sandra is straightforward in how abuse brings high levels of shame even though abuse is not the victim’s fault. She tenderly reminds the reader that, “..nothing that anyone ever did to you is a statement about your intrinsic worth. And nothing that anyone ever did to you disqualifies you from receiving all that God has for you.”
A recurring theme throughout the book is the acceptance of flaws and failures. Shame would tell us that to have flaws or to fail is to be different from everyone else, but Sandra exhorts us to remember, “..failing doesn’t make us failures. It simply proves that we are exactly what the Bible says we are--imperfect humans.” and that, "He never promised to eliminate our weaknesses. Instead, God promises that 'the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness' Romans 8:26"
Sandra Wilson described shame as the feeling of having some unutterable flaw that separates us from the rest of humanity. She compared that feeling to feeling like you are a caterpillar in a butterfly world.
Throughout the chapters of this book, she examines the different avenues in which shame can enter our lives and points the reader to the truth and the hope of being released from that shame. She does mince her words regarding the intensity of the pain nor on the beauty of the healing work of Jesus.
Sandra is straightforward in how abuse brings high levels of shame even though abuse is not the victim’s fault. She tenderly reminds the reader that, “..nothing that anyone ever did to you is a statement about your intrinsic worth. And nothing that anyone ever did to you disqualifies you from receiving all that God has for you.”
A recurring theme throughout the book is the acceptance of flaws and failures. Shame would tell us that to have flaws or to fail is to be different from everyone else, but Sandra exhorts us to remember, “..failing doesn’t make us failures. It simply proves that we are exactly what the Bible says we are--imperfect humans.” and that, "He never promised to eliminate our weaknesses. Instead, God promises that 'the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness' Romans 8:26"
December 30, 2018
If you grew up in an unhealthy family, and especially if you have abandoned the Christian Faith because your Christian family used shame or “Biblical teaching” to control or neglect you, please read this book!
This is by far the most thorough, most research-based, and yet practical guide to the effects of growing up in an unhealthy family system I’ve read so far from a Christian author. There is so much challenging information in here that the reader could read it several times and grow each time in a new way. I think it’s especially important for my Counseling population because it is written by a Christian from a Biblical perspective...anytime there is an unhealthy/dysfunctional/abusive/neglectful family and they identify as Christians, there is another element of spiritual abuse tacked onto the experience. Sandra addresses this beautifully. And she provides detailed information on steps to take toward healing. Love it!
This is by far the most thorough, most research-based, and yet practical guide to the effects of growing up in an unhealthy family system I’ve read so far from a Christian author. There is so much challenging information in here that the reader could read it several times and grow each time in a new way. I think it’s especially important for my Counseling population because it is written by a Christian from a Biblical perspective...anytime there is an unhealthy/dysfunctional/abusive/neglectful family and they identify as Christians, there is another element of spiritual abuse tacked onto the experience. Sandra addresses this beautifully. And she provides detailed information on steps to take toward healing. Love it!
November 2, 2021
A call to take responsibility! No more blaming my upbringing for everything. Darn…
January 19, 2024
The author knows her stuff, personally and professionally, so it comes across with authenticity. It's not a quick nor easy read - there's a lot to absorb and process. But a helpful resource.
August 22, 2010
Great book for adult children of alcoholics (ACAs) or anyone with generational alcoholism (e.g. grandparents, great-grandparents). If you're reading this book, you've probably already identified some of the patterns, or have a suspicion that this has been an issue at some point in your family. In the first few chapters Wilson deftly lays out the characteristics of a person who has grown up in an alcoholic household, and the behaviors of ACAs. A repercussion of alcoholism is frequently a 'shame-based' worldview. Wilson truthfully and graciously dispels the strongholds that keep someone trapped in this mentality, and how to overcome the broken relational bonds to realize healthy relationships as an adult. She speaks as a counseling professional but also from her own experience in an alcoholic/dysfunctional/abusive household. I really appreciate that she affirms the pain and frustration ACAs often feel. Will definitely read more books by her.
January 21, 2019
Having read her book "Hurt People Hurt People" because of some relational trauma, I went further into Wilson's treatment here. The author explains what she calls "binding shame"= an early assumed identity taken on due to neglect or abuse that then becomes a controlling dysfunction in any healthy understanding of self and others. These things go so deep, even for Biblically growing and pretty self-aware folks. I spent a lot of time here, hugely productive in being able to uncover the junky ways I hinder myself and others because of the lens of hurt. She handles anger, boundaries, trust, real forgiveness and healthy affirmation. Highly recommend!
January 1, 2017
This is an excellent book on shame. If you've read any of Brené Brown's work, but want to go a little deeper, this is the book to read. I've been working through some issues that I've dealt with from teasing I endured in school. I've never been able to change the way I thought until now. I highly recommend this book! It will bring great healing to your life and your relationships.
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December 10, 2013Great book, solid insights.
October 5, 2018
Excellent!!!
July 13, 2016
Pretty good book, but I don't think I was exactly the target audience. Gleaned some good info though.
January 16, 2024
Good book for me as it helped give me words of expressions for shame and shaming patterns in my life. Great reference material for working towards emotional maturity and boundaries.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews