Vamped

by David Sosnowski

Martin Kowalski is an eighty-year-old man stuck in a twenty-year-old body. He works the graveyard shift. He has a poster of Bela Lugosi on his wall and a box of uneaten Count Chocula in his pantry. He drinks stem-cell-derived blood from cleverly packaged and marketed juice boxes. He is, in short, a vampire. But since his wildly successful scheme to turn as many mortals as possible into vampires -- "vamp" them rather than kill them -- resulted in a new immortal majority, Marty finds little of interest to fill his countless days.

From the deeply imaginative mind of David Sosnowski -- who gave us the critically acclaimed junkie-angel classic Rapture -- bursts this neo-vampire novel studded with pint-size vampires known as "screamers" (children who were vamped and are none too happy about it); priest vampires who helped convert their flock into lifetime members of the Church; stripper vampires who lap-danced their way into customers' veins; and one very small, very outspoken human girl.

When Marty decides to end his endless life of soul-crushing ennui -- call it vampire affluenza -- a three-foot blond obstacle is thrown in his path: Isuzu Trooper Cassidy, a refugee from a human hunting preserve. At first he thinks "midnight snack," but before the sun comes up, Isuzu is the one snacking on his prized cereal collection as she charms him into staying undead long enough to raise her in a world rife with danger and almost entirely populated by vampires yearning for the taste of real human blood.

The critics applauded David Sosnowski when Rapture was published, saying he "staked out a patch of turf somewhere between Franz Kafka and Douglas Adams." Now with Vamped, Sosnowski takes on a time-honored genre and breathes new life into it by turning Martin Kowalski's vampire world upside down and telling his story with rich, masterful, and frequently hilarious prose.

Genres: Vampires, Fantasy, Fiction, Horror, Paranormal, Urban Fantasy, Young Adult

384 pages, Paperback

First published July 27, 2004

Reviews

[Carole (Carole's Random Life) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This review can also be found at Carole's Random Life in Books.

I enjoyed this book quite a bit. I am always looking for a well-done vampire story and the cover of this book really grabbed my attention. I have had it sitting on my shelves for quite a while and even featured the book on a Books from the Backlog post a couple of years ago. I am so glad that I pulled it off my shelves and finally gave it a try because it was just as good as I had hoped it would be.

I have read a number of vampire stories and this one is a little different. Marty became a vampire during World War II and has seen the world change quite a bit. Marty and some of his friends decided to increase the population of vampires many years ago, although he doesn't share that information, and vampires now rule the world, and humans are kept only to be used. Things didn't work out quite as he had planned and with vampires running the world everyone is back at work and the world is somewhat normal, although without humans and all of their needs. Everything changes when Marty meets 6-year-old Isuzu Trooper though.

Marty decides to keep Isuzu safe instead of having her as a snack, which was his first impulse. If anyone ever finds out about her, she will be in terrible danger. This book covers quite a number of years and we get to see Isuzu and Marty learn to live with and trust each other. Since the world is full of vampires, there aren't any kids around anymore and Marty realizes how precious she really is. These two don't always get along and they both have a lot to learn but I enjoyed getting to see them both build a life.

Marty is a great character. He has done some pretty violent things and I appreciated the fact that we do learn his history during the course of this story. He doesn't always have the right impulses but he does try. In a lot of ways, Marty felt like a normal person just trying to figure out what to do with a kid that suddenly becomes his responsibility. Isuzu was also a wonderful character. She lived with her mother before living with Marty and has seen the world very differently. She was rather stubborn at times and didn't make things easy for Marty. I really thought that these two were a great match.

I would recommend this book to others. This is not your typical vampire story which is one of the things that I really enjoyed about it. I liked the fact that there was a thread of humor throughout the story which felt natural for the characters. I wouldn't hesitate to read more of this author's work in the future.

Initial Thoughts
I have had this book on my shelf for a very long time and I am so glad that I finally read it. I really liked Martin and enjoyed getting to know him through his history and the parts of his life that we see over the course of this story. He really grew over throughout the book. I enjoyed all of the other key characters and really liked the fact that there was a thread of humor throughout the book.

Book source: Purchased

[Mephi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is it possible to have a book about vampires be as far removed from the vampire fiction genre as possible? Don't let the truly dire paperback cover turn you off from this book, it has more in common with Nick Hornby than Anne Rice. If you're a fan of vampire fiction I honestly wouldn't recommend this book. David Sosnowski manages to create a touching and intriguing piece of fiction that's a beautiful tribute to the often twisted and difficult father-daughter relationship. It just so happens that the entire world is full of vampires and normal vampire life is less "virgin ravaging nightstalker" and more "pencil pushing vampire accountant". So, now what? Where do you go when you're no longer in the minority, just another vampire who'll go up in smoke when the sun rises? And how can you have a midlife crisis when, for you, there is no midlife? Sosnowski's story is beautifully told, funny yet touching and, unlike most vampire fiction, the sort of book I could relate to.

[D.M. Dutcher · Rating 1 out of 5]

The reason why I give this one star is complex. It's not the fault of the writing, but the book's moral universe is flawed, immoral, and horrific. Let me explain:

Stanley Kowalski is a vampire. Along with some friends, he spread vampirism among the normal world to such a point where they are the dominant species on the planet. Vamp is the new normal. One day he runs across a human girl, Isuzu, whose mother has been killed by vampires. He takes her in hoping to kill her, but he views her as a person and instead keeps her as a pet, and eventually daughter.

The problem in this is that the moral universe is so skewed it makes it hard for a thoughtful reader to get any message but horror. Stanley avenges Isuzu's mother, but he never realized that he ultimately caused her death, and Isuzu's horrific life. Her first line upon entering Stanley's home is how it doesn't smell of worms-she must have been hidden literally in holes in the ground during night.

He has to hide her in his house, almost in total confinement. But he never really thinks on this. He never thinks much about how normal humans are raised in black-market farms as a form of a delicacy. He confides in a vampire priest whose secret was he was tempted to pedophilia and he of course disapproves. But it's blunted when you realize Stanley was a part of the genocide of the human race and its transformation into undead. You are supposed to see the cute coming of age story, and Stanley opening up, but you can't help but keep coming back to what he did. Isuzu would be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome in the end.

The ending of the book angered me. SPOILER-Isuzu falls in love with a vampire, and they turn her into one. We are talking about the things she had to hide from as a child, that killed her mother, that except for one forced her to stay in hiding for her life, and that are happily raising humans as blood snacks in an extralegal way. The whole point of the early book was how her changing humanity somewhat saved Stanley from ennui, and made him a father. It also had him get some measure of peace. This ends with Isuzu losing her humanity and becoming like Stanley, essentially letting the vampires win.

This is why I have to give it one star. Let me use an analogy. Suppose you have a greedy wall street trader who has to care for the kid of a relative who passes away. He wants to foreclose on the kid's orphanage. Hijinks ensue, and he opens up a bit and becomes more human. But he still remains a greedy robber baron of a trader,still forecloses on it, and never thinks to question it. When his daughter grows up, she becomes exactly like him. This is what the book feels like. You can't have character transformation on such a limited scale without it working against the book itself.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

From a blurb on the back cover:
"...a darkly humorous tale of the struggle between two of literature's most horrifying creatures: a vampire and a little girl."

Nice commentary on America, mortality, love, family, and the illusory passage of time. Considerably more heartwarming than my usual picks, but in a good way. Well-illuminated characters, behaving realistically in a just-detailed-enough setting, balance nicely with a plot equipped with as many unexpected turns as real life.

Ya see? The other guy's blurb is way better.

UPDATE: More than a year after reading this book, I find myself trying desperately to remember the title so I can read it again. Sometimes you get a craving for salt'n'sour potato chips, sometimes you crave that one *really good* vampire book that had nothing to do with Twilight. Yeah. Nov '09.

UPDATE: Got a hankering for this book again, and had to turn to Goodreads recommendations to remember it... Thank you, user Ann Berry! (This time, I've put it on a 'vampire' shelf and hope to be able to find it when I go looking again...) Oct '11

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a fun, inventive book about the world as it might be if almost everyone was a vampire.

Marty Kowalski was changed during World War II. After years of living as an average vampire, he decided to spread the eternal life around. Now humans are rare, and vampires are nothing special. The world has adjusted to a nocturnal schedule, and vampires hold down normal jobs to pay for their synthetic blood.

When Marty gets bored with the world he helped create, he starts to think about ending his undead existence. Then he meets an orphaned human girl and takes her home.

Most of the book is about Marty's struggle to raise a human in a vampire's world. The setting is really unique and full of detail. But much of the plot that wasn't related to the vampire stuff was fairly flat to me.

[Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was much better than it had any right to be. Much more about building family from scratch than anything else, but also a surprisingly fresh take on what a world populated mostly be vampires might be like.

[ML Blair · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was full of contradictions and confusing twists. He wants to kill her in the beginning but in the end, he always wanted a child. The jumps in time were poorly transitioned. It’s hard to want to read a book when the characters are so unlikable.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was really good, but I wouldn't read it again. It's a great one-time read for a lazy day. Marty (the protagonist) really got my heart though. His relationship with Izusu is so touching. I loved how emotional and close he felt with her while raising her.

My only beef with this book is I HATED the ending. It didn't feel right. I loved everything else though.

Favorite part: When Marty takes Izusu to the mall in Fairbanks and allows her to act like a Screamer.

[Nonha · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book started off fun and fast-paced. I was willing to look beyond some of the more crass elements in order to get to the story. I realized all that waited ahead was more of the same. The themes in this book are uncomfortable. And not in a self-challenging sort of way. It feels like voyeurism into a pedophiles daydream.
Gross.

[Wendy Holcombe · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book had a great premise but it just wasn't carried out very well. It's an all vamp world where humans only exist on farms and a vampire finds a little girl who has escaped and he raises her....interesting huh? you'd think so, but nah, it just wasn't there.
too bad.

[J.L. Poole · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great, lighthearted read that manages to de-glamorize the vampire schtick but makes it much more interesting in the process. And the kid's name is Isuzu Trooper. How can you not love that.

[Newly Wardell · Rating 5 out of 5]

this has got to be my one of my favorite stories with vampires in it. notice how I didn't call it a vampire story. suicidal vampire dad trying to raise a mortal daughter in a world where families don't really exist anymore. its such an original story. its so funny and absolutely heartbreaking. there are some parts that will completely freak you out

[Amethyst Shadow · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really good. I laughed out loud at some of the lines. I couldn't help myself. Yeah, yeah... I'm sick and twisted... but in a fun way. *smirk*

[April Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very fun read and a nice twist to the classic vampire story. I found it amusing.

[Olivia Mitas · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5* This was a cute book. The premise was rather interesting a society compromised of vampires rather than mortals, in which a vampire ends up raising a mortal child. It was light hearted, fun, and so clever in its vampiric society.

[Steev Hise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a funny book. A fascinating book, a piece of science-fantasy with a classic "what if" that is expertly followed through on: What if vampires existed, and they managed to turn basically everyone on the planet into vampires? What would happen? How would civilization go on, and what would it look like? And how many comedic situations would ensue?

It's not extremely literary or complicated or deep. It is a beautiful little story about relationships and parenting and parental love, chosen family, loss, and nostalgia. It's a book that I would think would appeal mostly to vampire fans. In addition to than that demographic, it probably would have done quite well marketed as young adult fiction. It's a very clean, PG-13 book - although it refers to a lot of ultra-violence and super hot and bloody erotic vamp-sex, everything is at a distance, like the old romances where the lovers tumble into bed and then the scene fades to black. The humor, the double entendres, are at time a tad bit too clever and too frequent, but it's that kind of book. (I guess someone categorizing it in a literary way would call it a farce?)

Full disclosure: I am/was a vampire fan; not an obsessive one, but I used to devour Lestat novels pretty ravenously. Also, I knew David Sosnowski years (like almost 25 years!) ago, back when he only wrote poetry and would show up at the Ann Arbor Poetry Slam and pretty much kick almost everyone else's ass. Then he started writing novels. He's a great guy and a great writer and I'm psyched to read this.

(Note: I'd love to read more of this kind of thing that gets even more deep into the possible science of how vampirism could work. Like what's the exact biochemistry of the process? How can blood be enough to sustain them? etc etc... )

[K.D. McQuain · Rating 3 out of 5]

A well written book, full of humor and puns, though not a vampire genre novel, more of a novel about relationships, only most of the characters happen to be vampires.

This book started out with promise, a vampire who is (at least in part) responsible to nearly total spread of vampirism is filled with ennui and looking to end his existence when he comes upon a small human child. He decides to keep her for later rather than draining her right there on the side of the road in order to prolong the anticipation. Over time he finds that having a pet human is the antidote for apathy he has been feeling for life. In time he finds that, even with the difficulties of living with a human, he it treating her more like a daughter that a snack.

That all sounds pretty interesting, and there is plenty of potential for a lot of tension and suspense, especially with the introduction of several supporting characters. However, the writer seems to have gotten too caught up in the father daughter relationship to be able to explore any of these more suspenseful avenues that could have led to a much more exciting conclusion. In the end, I was left feeling disappointed in a story that had plenty of potential.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not your typical vampire story, not a horror or romantic vampire. It’s a sad, funny and unexpected read. It took me longer than usual to get through the first couple of pages and I am so glad that I stuck with it. Martin Kowalski is partially responsible for turning the world vamp. Only a few humans exist and they are kept on hunting preserves. He is considering suicide when he comes across a six-year old girl, an escapee.
He takes her in thinking she’ll be a good snack and ends up as a parent to a human in a world filled with vampires. Not only will he have to contend with all the normal growing up drama – kids getting sick, rebellion, tv and role models. But what to do about the potty issue in a apartment building where most toilets have been turned into planters, daylight robbing of your neighbors, and hands superglued to your face.
This book is funny, sad, and touching.

[sunsetsylvia · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first he just wants to keep her as a rare snack for later, but then the little girl gets something way more precious. A bittersweet reminder of what it means to be living and a purpose to go on doing so.
I'm a big fan of vampire romances and was in the mood for a change of pace. This book definitely was an excellent one.
Endearing, full of humor (but at no moment cheesy) as well as exciting and tragic this story is a whole new take on vampires. Marty's struggles to be a good "parent" are so vivid in their cluelessness, despair and good intentions, this book seems just to be waiting to be turned into a movie.
All things said and done, it's a great, realistic tale of a parent and a child.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun vampire fantasy. None of the brooding, sulking morose vampire nonsense. Wry humor and well written banter between the protagonists. Thoroughly enjoyable. I laughed out loud drawing curious looks when reading in public.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! I really enjoyed the perspective and world building. It was nice to read a novel that wasn't preoccupied with only following characters in their 20s. I appreciate how this book took a genre and really added something worthwhile.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This would make a great vampire film! Solid read.

[Samantha Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

At times this book can be charming, delightful and endearing, but also nervous for the characters. Also, if you do not laugh out loud at least once while reading this, i am sorry.

[Whiteraven191]

DNF at 19%

You know that point in a relationship where you just *know* you've screwed up and you're never going to get laid? That point where you've played the nice guy for just a bit too long, and the would-be love of your life becomes convinced that you're too nice to take to bed? She doesn't want to "ruin the friendship," blah, blah, blah.

I think I'm done. I normally have a list of books that I'm going to read next, but I picked this up on a whim because I was still kind of on a vampire kick. So far, I haven't been impressed with this book, and I really can't see why I should sit here and listen to the main character whine about the friendzone when I could be reading the books that are actually on my to-read list instead. Not going to rate it because I didn't get very far in and I don't know what the Goodreads rating equivalent of "thoroughly indifferent" is.

[Charles Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Vampire Novel With Plenty of Depression, Plotting, Murder, and Humor!

Not many writers can set up a joke, two pages later deliver a punchline which has me laughing for thirty or forty seconds and a half page later deliver a second punchline that has me laughing nearly as long again; but Mr. Sosnowski did it! I don't want to spoil it for any other readers, so I'll just say it's near the end of the novel. So, those who have tendency to read the end first might want to exercise some restraint and read from the beginning so they get the full impact of a marvelous joke.

An excellent read!

[Emily Stine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those books you read always kind of wondering if you're gonna DNF it, but the pages are like potato chips and suddenly you're finished. It's not a bad book, it's fine. Fairly predictable but I would be lying if I said I didn't laugh and smile at the parts that were supposed to make you laugh and smile.
The ending feels a little... off to me. Most of the book is about the pain of immortality, losing the things that limited time give you. But the happy ending includes a vamping, and yes she wanted it but... it feels strange and wrong. But you're also supposed to kind of feel that way, like Marty does. It's an unsatisfying ending that just kind of sneaks up on you and happens.

[Jazzmyn Hayden · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the fresh take on the vampire genre but I felt like it moved too fast towards the end. Everyone falling in love and yada yada too quickly. I loved the humor, and the take on the struggles of parenting at all stages of life. It was fresh and a read that got me thinking a little more about what living is, but the turn the storyline took about 3/4 way through wasn’t my favorite.

[RaeRae K · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so much better than I had thought it would be. I picked it up on a whim as part of the library's fall book sale - all you can fit in a paper bag for $5... how could I go wrong?

This story was so well told and it drew me in from the beginning. Humor, thrills, heartwarming, dystopian genius!

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

More like 4.5 stars, but I rounded up because this is one of the most original vampire stories I’ve ever encountered — and funny and touching too. Excellent world-building and an interesting narrator who’s pretty sympathetic for an undead guy.

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not your typical vampire novel. Full disclosure:. I work with the author's brother-in-law. In a world where humans are raised as special treats, one vampire ends up raising a human child. Reminiscent of Moore, with a side of crude.