An Impossible Life: The Inspiring True Story of a Woman's Struggle from Within

Impossible #1

by Rachael Siddoway, Sonja Wasden

“The writing is gorgeous... a page-turning story that is filled with strong lessons on healing.” — THE BOOK COMMENTARY

“A fascinating glimpse into the mind of one suffering from bipolar disorder.” — U.S. REVIEW OF BOOKS

“This story is one of my most sacred and special I’ve ever done.” — DR. TARA NARULA, CBS This Morning Correspondent

An award-winning and best-selling memoir, An Impossible Life, tells the powerful true account of one woman’s descent into depressive and manic episodes and how she found lifesaving therapy and medication to overcome and triumph. When thirty-five-year-old Sonja Wasden is involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital by her husband and father, she is sure it is a mistake. Wife of a CEO, mother of three, and living in a beautiful suburb, Sonja’s life appears ideal. How did she get here?
In this gripping and breathtaking narrative that makes the reader feel as though they are listening in on a private conversation, Sonja reveals her delusions and battles with mental illness, motherhood, and marriage. When all hope seems lost, this true story of perseverance is inspiring and unforgettable.

An Impossible Life is a lighthouse of hope for those facing an all-consuming mental illness, either for themselves or for someone they love.

Genres: Memoir, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Science

Kindle Edition

First published February 12, 2019

Reviews

[Petra X]

Proper review to come. When I get back to the Caribbean. Off-island having fun (hopefully) now.
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This memoir of mental illness, in and out of hospital, is written by the daughter, but in the first person. It works. Apart from first-hand knowledge living with her mother, her mother was very candid with her about her life and thoughts. Although having read a couple of autobiographies recently, I have seen how they only present what they want us to know, so...

30 Years Behind Bars: Trials of a Prison Doctor, which I need to finish the review of, was fairly nauseating at points with the author's presentation of herself as an Angel Saviour. She never did anything wrong, but did many things not required of her and they were they made such a difference... .So I wonder with a memoir of mental illness if the mother didn't actually related only the worst incidents and thoughts to her daughter?

[Linn · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who struggles with mental illness, I could not put this book down. At the same time, it sure made me grateful for the specific challenges I have when it comes to depression and anxiety. My mind was kind of blown what this woman has struggled with and what she has gone through. It sure makes me grateful for my life. And sure makes me want to be overly kind and understanding of everyone around me. You just never know.

[Drea g · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this if you have bipolar. Period.

[Mary Adams · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am torn about this book because it sheds light on an important issue. Speaking out on such a personal struggle with mental illness is very brave.
But I found the writing style to be very amateurish.
Also I got frustrated with Sonja as she is part of an elite group in this country who could afford her lifestyle. Really doubt that she was able to pay off her exorbitant debt after working at a minimum wage job in a retail establishment. I found it ironic that her husband was a high profile exec in the healthcare industry. A big part of income inequality in this country is because these high profile execs are still making millions while so many can't afford basic healthcare. Her husband admitted that out of their 20 year marriage only 1 of those years was good! Really?
The family knew about the history of mental illness for years and why Sonja wasn't getting counseling is beyond me. It wasn't that they couldn't afford counseling which is the case for so many people who struggle with mental illness.
Seems like the extremely sexist culture of their religion wasn't helping Sonja. It only reinforced that she needed to be rescued. Why are they giving her a princess crown at her "retirement" party?

I found this book to be an interesting look at someone's personal struggle with bipolar depression but just not well written.

[Tammy Jata · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent inside look at bipolar disorder. The author does an amazing job of bringing awareness to the toll mental illness takes on a family. The family of the sufferer becomes the silent victim. This book was a page turner. I couldn’t put it down.

[Mary Milroy · Rating 5 out of 5]

So well written. And so close to home. I needed a book like this that made sense of how I am feeling. At the end I was shocked and grateful to read about DBT which is the therapy that I have just started. It gave me so hope in a very hopeless time

[Melanie Hubbard]

For those that are experiencing a mental illness, some statements Sonja Wasden shares may be familiar to you. For those that are fortunate to live without a mental illness but desire to understand those that are experiencing it, I recommend this book. Wasden used various entities to attempt to get rid of her pain (ex: cutting, overachieving, overspending) but it wasn’t until she begin using dialectical behavioral techniques (DBT) skills that she learned how to cope with strong emotions. The interesting thing I noticed was that she wasn’t introduced to this technique until many years later after seeing various psychiatrists and after receiving inpatient care. Just sharing what can be used to help those with overwhelming emotions can provide hope to others. With this in mind, I am grateful she shared her story. Since there is a lot of stigma on mental health, knowing that it is okay to talk about it and seek help because there is hope that one doesn’t have to keep living a certain way should provide comfort and empowerment.

[MariLee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sonja Wasden was 35 years old when her family admitted her into full-time psychiatric care and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This memoir, co-written by her and her daughter Rachael, documents her struggle with this disorder and its heart-breaking effects on her, her husband, and children. Sonja came from a family with a history of mental illness (her grandfather, father, etc.) and following her diagnosis, she was able to understand that their sometimes radical behavior was related to their own illnesses. Sonja also is eventually able to come to terms with her disorder and learns to manage it.

The strength of this book is in the first-hand account of what life is like for someone dealing with this disorder and helps shed some light and understanding for the reader. The writing is just okay and the chapters seem to jump around in time which makes the book feel disjointed.

[Sheila · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am glad I read this book. Wasn't sure at first given the serious nature of the book. But I read it thinking it might give me understanding of what someone dealing with bipolar disorder would struggle with. And it sure did that!! I did wonder at times why she wasn't getting counseling, help, meds and/or hospitalization sooner. But she was only 35 and trying hard to convince herself and others that she was just stressed. I appreciate her honesty very much. And the willingness of her daughter to stand by her and help her in the writing of the book. I did totally understand why her husband and son reacted the way they did toward the end of the book. (Don't want to give anything away here.) I also wondered how her family managed to come through it all seemingly intact. It will be a book a chew on a bit over time.

[Lorie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll admit up front that I'm a bit biased because I know and love Sonja and her family. But honestly, this book is written in such a captivating way that I couldn't put it down even though I knew what was going to happen! There is probably not a single person who isn't touched in some way by mental illness, either their own, someone in their family or someone they know and care about. Sonja allows us a glimpse into what it is like for the mentally ill and the people who love them, giving us greater understanding, compassion and empathy - things the world needs more of. I am grateful for my brave friend who has laid bare her life in order to help others.

[Chris C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think an important part of this story that isn't mentioned is that Sonja clearly has Borderline Personality Disorder. Most of her actions can be explained by that illness, however she is only diagnosed with Bipolar. Many people have both, and the depression and mania she experienced were obvious bipolar symptoms.

Why am I driving this home? Bipolar is a hard topic but BPD is even harder. There may have been a diagnosis, especially with the DBT therapy helping as much as it did.

Overall, it was a good memoir, well-written and not too religious - though close. Interesting read.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye opening

This book needs to be read by everyone. I have a brother in law who is bipolar and I feel I can now understand him better - Sonja does such a great job of describing what it's like to live with mental illness. I love that in the end, rather than being 'healed' from the outside, she learned to live with the illness, essentially healing herself from the inside out.

[Kyra · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great read, especially if you struggle with mental illness or live with someone who does. I appreciated the honesty of her story and the simplicity of the writing - and above all the hope that is inspired by sharing her journey.

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book really helps you understand what it is like living with Bipolar Disorder. Seeing the day to day life and struggles was very enlightening.

[Amy Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was engaging and thought provoking.
Mental illness is such a beast.

[Bookish Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dealing with mental health issues of my own (depression and anxiety), I am always interested in how mental health issues affect others and those who love them. So when I saw Sonja Wasden and her daughter Rachael Siddoway on the morning news discussing their book on Sonja’s battles with bipolar disorder, I knew I had to read their book An Impossible Life. I sent off an e-mail to Sonja requesting a copy of her book to read and review and she was kind enough to send it to me. Here is my review.

On the surface, Sonja Wasden had it all. Her husband Mitch was a successful CEO of a local hospital. Her children Rachael, Alex, and Lincoln were healthy, smart, and accomplished. And she lived in a lovely upper-class suburb.

But looks can be deceiving. Sonja was barely covering up a devastating battle with bipolar disorder and it wad consuming every aspect of her life.

An Impossible Life begins in 2007 and Sonja is in the emergency room. She’s been brought against her will be her husband and father. She is spinning out of control and she needs psychiatric care. Sonja is defiant. There is no way she could be crazy. She’s just over-stressed, right?

Well, there is over-stressed and then there is mental illness. Sonja is fully engulfed in bipolar disorder and it’s destroying her.

What is bipolar disorder? According to my research, bipolar disorder is a mental illness where a person goes from one extreme mood to another. At times, a person can experience mania, or a very elevated mood. And a times, a person can fall into the pits of depression. People with bipolar disorder can have difficulties dealing with their home and/or work life. Even the simplest tasks like doing a load of laundry can be insurmountable. People with bipolar disorder often have troubled relationships and a multitude of other problems. Sadly, there is no cure, but bipolar disorder can be managed through various methods including medication and therapy.

An Impossible Life begins with Sonja describing her hellish stay at the psych ward in heartbreaking detail, claiming she wants to die.

But her hospitalization is only part of her story. An Impossible Life also tells the before and after of Sonja’s time in the psych ward.

She opens up about growing up in a well-to-do family, which had its own dysfunction and tragedy. She describes the early days of her marriage and young motherhood, a task she didn’t always accept willingly. She wanted the life of a carefree teenager.

Sonja recalls in agonizing detail of in inflicting self-harm with knives, battles with binge eating, and spending sprees that made a serious dent in the family finances. She was also tortured by suicidal thoughts and attempts.

But most of all An Impossible Life describes how her mental illness and struggle with recovery impacted her family and loved ones. She also conveys how bipolar disorder affected her own sense of self-worth. Sonja is unflinchingly honest on how she coped with her internal battles and the expectations of the real world. She’s also quite honest with the problems she had with some healthcare professionals who didn’t always have her best interests at heart.

Going in zigs and zags Sonja found the methods and resources to help her get better. She will never fully recover from bipolar disorder, but she has improved greatly. And her loving family and friends continue to support her. It’s very touching.

An Impossible Life is not an easy book to read. At times I found myself gobsmacked over what Sonja went through and how she acted. At other times I had to put the book down, too overwhelmed. I felt so much for Sonja and her family.

I hope An Impossible Life opens up a dialogue about mental health issues and inspires compassion. I believe it is a book that should be read by those who deal with mental illness and those who care for them.

*Sonja Wasden and her daughter Rachael Siddoway have traveled all over the United States donating their book to various libraries. An Impossible Life is part of a series, including An Impossible Wife: Why I Stayed, An Impossible Childhood: Rachael’s Story, and An Impossible Mother: Lincoln’s Story.

Originally published at The Book Self:
https://thebookselfblog.wordpress.com...

[Story Circle Book Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

An Impossible Life: The Inspiring True Story of a Woman’s Struggle from Within (Rachael Siddoway and Sonja Wasden) is the story of Sonja Wasden’s mental health battles, as written by her daughter, Rachael Siddoway. Wasden’s story, narrated in the first person in the form of a memoir, is a collaboration between the two women, and the springboard for their advocacy on behalf of those suffering extreme mental illness and their families.

The memoir begins with Sonja Wasden’s husband committing her to a psychiatric institution in 2007. Struggling daily with suicidal thoughts and relying on self-harm to dull the emotional pain, she is insistent that she doesn’t belong in the facility.

From this opening scene, the narrative moves between backstory—illustrating events that preceded her husband’s desperate action—and the narrator’s first stay in the psychiatric facility and its aftermath. We learn that she has been battling severe mental illness since young adulthood, if not earlier.

An Impossible Life is engaging, written in vivid scenes that recreate a number of dramatic and terrifying episodes from the subject’s life as wife and mother. Most alarming, and gripping, are those that depict her as a homemaker responsible for—and alone with—young children while her husband pursues a career as a hospital administrator.

Describing the necessity of self-harm, the narrator says, “My knives were an essential part of my existence. My five-year-old daughter, Rachael, would take them and hide them, waging a battle she was never going to win.” In another scene, the narrator (a Mormon) has invited some “sister missionaries” to lunch but neglected to shop for or prepare any food for the occasion. “My kids started serving themselves handfuls of popcorn and spoonsful of cake batter, as if this were their daily meal. The sisters watched them and awkwardly but politely spooned the batter onto their plates, where it soon pooled with their popcorn.”

A compulsive online shopper, the narrator racks up $150,000 in credit charges for online jewelry purchases. She is an emotional binge eater, and also describes not bathing or changing her clothes for weeks.

At sixteen, daughter Rachael (the memoir’s author) finds her mother’s suicide notes. Recreating these difficult years, the narrator repeatedly states she didn’t believe that her behavior was harming the children.

Because the story is narrated from the point of view of a woman while suffering mental illness, with minimal reflection subsequent to these events, it was at times frustrating to read scene after scene of the narrator’s cries for help, and to picture her children witnessing their mother’s desperation for the entirety of their childhoods. While it appeared that she was a member of a supportive religious community, had a close relationship with her husband, and that other family members knew of her struggles, it isn’t until she attempts suicide by taking “hundreds” of pills, remains unconscious for days, and nearly dies, that a doctor states, “You’re in no condition to be a mother right now.” After the suicide attempt, the narrator’s youngest son (16 by this time) is sent to live with relatives and her husband contemplates separation.

However, the book ends in a hopeful and satisfying way.

An Impossible Life is the first of three books written by Siddoway about her mother’s battle with bipolar disorder, each from a different point of view.

Story Circle Book Reviews thanks Dorothy Rice for this review.

[Elisabeth Brookshire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sobbing, pain and pleasure

I am a bipolar alcoholic. I read about a memoir a day trying to feel something... to understand why I am the way I am. I found the book. The solution. I never cry but I sobbed throughout this book. So many of Sonja's feelings are my own. I lost my dad at the same age, not from suicide but bad circumstances. I've been in the ER and psych hospitals so many times I'm probably well known. If suicide is the most common form of death in the US why do we continue to ignore it? To shy away as if it's disgusting, unmentionable. This book hurt yet I'm going to read every book in the series. Thank you, Sonja, for your honesty, your beauty. Not all of us live through a suicide attempt. I've lived through three and suffered seizures, forced psych hospitals, and embarrassment beyond belief. I have a Lincoln too. You are a kind and loving soul and I wish you all the peace you can handle!

[Natasha Alexis · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of 35 year old Sonja coming to terms with her mental illness. Throughout her journey, she begins to understand herself, her family, and her illness. Sonja’s honesty captures the struggle of living with suicidal ideation and the effect it has on the people around her.

It’s very clear that this is written by someone without writing experience. The narrative can be a little choppy and there are many times when the story becomes explanations or justifications for behavior. The focus is on Sonja and Mitch without really understanding the effect that her illness and obsessive behaviors had on the children. Overall, it was a little bit hard to follow and at times frustrating to understand. However, I applaud her bravery and honesty in telling her story.

[Gail DiVico · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing, straight-forward story of a woman who has struggled with bipolar disorder her entire life and how it effected her family, herself and every aspect of her life. Her honesty about her feelings as she progressed down the rabbit hole of insanity coupled with the actions she took, her many hospitalizations, etc., is truly remarkable as was her stamina to overcome it. Finally locating a therapist who advocated a new form of therapy (DBT), she was able to begin to take back her life. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is experiencing mental illness or has a friend or family member who is experiencing bipolar disorder to read this one. Kudos to the author(s) and her family!

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was so triggering in so many ways as I am a daughter of a bipolar mother. But listening to Sonja's experience with her illness, the Good, the bad and the downright ugly and scary, was very eye-opening to me. It showed me that there's a wide range of how bipolar affects people and no one's experience is the same. I'm so glad that she finally got true help and I wonder if the same therapy would help my own mother. It was also triggering in the fact that I was looking to see if anything in my life that is happening because of the illness possibly passed on by my mother. At the end of this book she says end of part one I'm very curious to see how her life has changed by having DBT.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

An Impossible Life is more than a front row seat to Sonja's struggle with bipolar disorder; it takes you into the trenches of her life. This well written, gripping narrative openly shares her up and downs, the logic behind her intermittently bizarre behavior, and her heartaches, challenges and growth. Sonja and her family give hope to others and perspective as they bravely share their journey with mental illness. I look forward to reading more about the Wadsen family's journey in future books mentioned at www.animpossiblelife.com.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated Sonja sharing specific memories of raising a family while dealing with bipolar disorder. I laughed when Sonja served cake mix to the missionaries, but I really felt for her. I cried when her youngest son moved out to live with relatives. I was sooo grateful she had a faithful friend who saw her through. I am rooting for Sonja and others who struggle with similar things day after day.

The letters at the end made this book even more real.
To Rachel: congrats on a well-written, healing book.

[Christiana Robey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutally honest exploration of mental illness, faith, and family. At face value the writing is a bit disjointed and the timeline jumps around quickly, but knowing that this is written by Sonja and her daughter and distributed to hundreds of libraries for free I say it's well done. This is a difficult read and it deals with one woman's (and her family's) direct experience with bipolar disorder so tread lightly if that is triggering for you. Esp if you have self harm or suicidal triggers.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing story of resilience and strength

Sonja is candid about her disease and gives us a real life glimpse into her bipolar world. It's beautifully written by her daughter. You can feel her pain and also feel the fierce love she has for b her family. She is so brave and strong.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insightful autobiography of a woman struggling with bipolar disorder. The story enables the reader to understand more fully the complicated thought processes / anxieties that are a result of this brain disorder. It also gives the affects of this on her family and the stress they experience trying to understand.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a challenging and intense read. Not in writing, but in content. I applaud Sonja on being willing to share her story. Every story shared makes it easier for others to share theirs and raises awareness that mental illness doesn't have a type.

[Suzy Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the story of a family friend and her agonizing struggle with bipolar depression. I have a connection to these real characters having grown up in their home and being tutored and mentored by Sonja in cheerleading. She continues to fight her fight. Keep it up girl!

[Lilith LeVay · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent read

It was difficult to put this book down. I learned a great deal about the horror that is mental illness and how it can be lived with. What a wonderful and supportive family can accomplish is truly amazing. Thanks for sharing your story with me.

[Blandi Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very moving and enlightening look into the struggle of bipolar disorder!

I love the ease of this read and was immediately drawn into the story! My daughter struggles with bipolar and this book gave me an up close look at how she thinks and feels within her illness.