Zombie Bitches From Hell: An Apocalyptic Horror

by Zoot Campbell

A plague has turned all the world's women into brain-eating zombies. Join reporter Kent Zimmer as he takes a hot air balloon from Colorado to Massachusetts in search of both his girlfriend and a cure. Along the way he encounters hungry undead, zombie pregnancy farms, psychotic doctors, evil nuns, racist militias, drag queens with machine guns, and stock brokers with greedy intents. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Genres: Horror, Zombies

232 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 30, 2010

Reviews

[Ian McClellan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe I'm off on this one. I thought this book was kind of satirical toward the zombie sub-genre and the main character was unlikable on purpose. It seemed like the whole angry white guy thing was used to make Kent look bad. Sort of reminded me of Blazing Saddles and Mel Brooks' use of racism to highlight the ignorance of almost every character in the movie. Like I said, I might be wrong. Maybe the author is just a homophobic, misogynistic, racist. I hope not, because I enjoyed reading this book.

[Stephen · Rating 1 out of 5]

There's bad, really bad, HOLY CRAP THAT'S BAD and Mindbogglingly Terrible. This book is beyond all comprehensible levels of Awful, plummeting below any known rankings of pure filth and achieving some sort of Uber-Terrible.

You know that guy? You know, THAT guy? The one with the mullet and the sleeveless 'LYNYRD SKYNYRD 1976-1977 WORLD TOUR' tee-shirt? The guy who's always endlessly tinkering with a rusted '68 Camero in a garage littered with empty cans of PBR and has a nicotine stained Rebel Flag hung up in it? The guy who's almost always unemployed and spends his days leering at the girl's high school softball team during home games? Okay, well, that guy wrote this book.

Where do I even start with this train wreck? I had assumed with a title such as this, I wasn't in for quality entertainment, but I had hoped it would prove to be entertaining in a grindhouse-movie type of style. Or similar to one of those horror movies you'd find on VHS in the back of your local video store that had the thick, clear, plastic cases you'd have to pinch open and shake the tape out. Bad, but Enjoyable. Well this book is about as enjoyable as grinding my genitals on a cheese shredder and dipping them in lemon juice.

I'll summarize the plot as best I can, but I feel even reading it will open up a Lament Configuration style of horrors that will torture you with Bad Things. Basically, an AIDS Vaccine is developed that causes women to turn into flesh starved zombies. It's known as the GaGa Virus, because Lady Gaga was one of the first people to come down with it. The virus is then spread via skin cells and all hell breaks loose.

What really, really makes this so terrible is the pure misogyny in the depiction of female characters. Anytime a female character is introduced, the narrator takes the time to describe the size of their boobs and how much their ass wiggles. At one point, he even uses the term "a curious little nipple" in describing a woman who passed out from viewing gore. What the blue hell is a 'curious little nipple'?! Is that some sort of perverted kid's book?

Worse yet, in the start of the book, the narrator announces he will not describe his fiance's physical appearance, as he doesn't want to cater to perverts. But just a few chapters later, he laments how he misses her superior fellatio skills.

This is horrible. Terrible. This is like the Ark of the Covenant being opened up in Raiders of the Lost Ark. This book is beyond bad, it's Nazi-Face-Melting-Bad. Avoid this book at all costs. Learn from my mistakes and do not read this dreadful piece of bad literature.

[Aalok Wyckid · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really should have read the reviews more carefully, but I saw Zombie Bitches From Hell and thought Cool a new take: Demon Zombie fusion. Sadly, no. This is bad. Every character I liked gets killed, even the cute little girl. The end is so clearly a setup for a squeal and there's nothing that redeems this turkey. It's book like this that make me wish I was better at get part way through a book, saying, "This is terrible," and binning the stupid thing.

[Jon Finkel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the bombastic title this was a better than average dystopic adventure.

[Brett Grossmann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good not great. Absurd more than anything. Huge leaps and some bad character writing but entertaining

[Danielle Klassen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I should start off by saying that with the title "Zombie Bitches from Hell", my expectations were a little on the low side. If anything, I came to this book with the idea that it would be a good pulpy read and nothing more and I certainly wasn't expecting it to be the next book to change the world. Sadly, what should have been a decent trashy read was hampered by a main character that is totally unlikable. This is a first person narrative book and the main character is attempting to get to the love of his life via hot air balloon while the women of the world fall prey to a zombie condition that turns them into zombies who then turn on the men of the world. The premise is hilarious and even more so when the zombie virus/disease/bacteria gets its nickname from Lady Gaga. By all rights, this really should have been a good read but the story is being delivered by Kent who embodies a fairly sexist and at time racist viewpoint that gets less and less forgivable as the book goes on. One might make the argument that you could guess that the book would have some kind of sexist overtones from the title alone but it's pretty bad when you have already come to a book like this expecting for it to be pretty offensive and it still manages to hit you below the bar of trashy tastelessness. Again, this is a huge disappointment because the gore descriptions are visceral and actually really funny a lot of times too. It could have made a good book great but in this case, it makes bad book a little tragic.

[Nikki "The Crazie Betty" V. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I ended up liking this book way more than I thought I would. With a premise of all the women in the world turning into zombies and their source of food being "male protein", I really thought I was just getting myself into a silly filler read until I figured out what I REALLY wanted to read.

For the first 10-15% of the book it lived up to my expectations, then it got...well...pretty good! I really appreciated the different take on the zombie virus and really enjoyed how the author showed the "virus" mutate over time. The characters that we meet along the way are heroic, villainous, insane, depraved, disturbed, and hopeful. Really everything you look for in a dystopian survival story.

I would definitely recommend this read to those who enjoy zombie fiction. Definitely be prepared to be disturbed and disgusted through different parts of the story, not just because of gore, but because this book is filled with the types of the characters that you never want to read about, never want to meet, never want to interact with, but are absolutely essential to this type of story.

I also didn't realize this was going to be a series but after reading this FULL LENGTH zombie novel (not a short story or novella) I'll definitely read the rest of the series. I really want to find out what happens next!

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I love trashy zombie novels this book doesn't even earn the accolade of trashy....the writer covers every "ism" in this book with double doses of racism and sexism thrown in, the language is vile all the way through - I am no prude and I have no problem with swearing but it seemend this book was mostly made up of bad laguage even the professionals such as doctors in the book had gutter based language skills, not many more vowels or consonants were bothered with to make up a sentence. The characters are totally unlikable, there isnt anything about this book that I can find to like apart from finishing it and never having to read it again. If I could have given it a minus number I would have - dont let my one star fool you, it doesnt even deserve that

[Timothy Rucinski · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book, if anything, is a misogynist's dream which is not my cup of gore. However, the story tended to pick up a bit as it progressed even though I was disappointed with the zombie nuns. There could have been much more humor interspersed that would be more than just referring to every woman as a bitch, but at least the story kept me interested. If you want to see humor and sexism work well within the wrappings of a good story, check out "Dead Bob" by Leonard Norman.

[Craig Saunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Campbell's story got a kind of pulp, kitsch feel to it, a little like a Russ Meyer movie, and it works really well. I enjoyed it a lot - it's got good pace, moving along from one crisis to the next...plus, it's got zombie nuns in it...so that's a win all round.

Craig Saunders, Author of Rain and Spiggot

[Paul Salter · Rating 3 out of 5]

very undecided on this book
some parts of it made me want to give up on it totally (very ott and obscene), other parts of it i really enjoyed
the storyline was good, going across the US escaping from the zombies and getting caught up at various places to fight them

[Polo Negri · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best zombie book ever--and those women out there who confuse the word "bitches" with their own status need to give it a rest and see what this book is really about. Not them! Great writing and a wow ending. And zombie nuns? It does not get better.

[Brad Theado · Rating 1 out of 5]

Started off good but got too ridiculous to finish

[Bobby newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A real page turner. I wish there was a sequal.

[Alana Muir · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was pretty much the literary version of a B-movie.

[Mark Heath · Rating 5 out of 5]

A VERY GOOD READ IF YOU LIKE HORROR AND ZOMBIES. VERY GOOD READ.

[Josh · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting premise but the execution is crass, racist, and sexist to a fault. I stopped reading it about 1/4 of the way through and that's very rare for me.

[Wayne's · Rating 3 out of 5]

An ok read but a little repetitive and at times the narrative does not flow well.