Mending a Shattered Heart

by Stefanie Carnes

When your partner betrays, what are the first steps to picking up the pieces of your shattered heart?Many unsuspecting people wake up every day to discover their loved one, the one person whom they are supposed to trust completely, has been living a life of lies and deceit because they suffer from a disease--sex addiction. This is a disease shrouded in secrecy and shame. This is your go-to-guide for what to do when you discover your partner is a sex addict. Each chapter is based on frequently asked questions by partners such Should I Stay or Should I Go? Is This Going to Get Better? How Do I Set Boundaries and Keep Myself Safe? and What Should I Tell the Kids?

Genres: Self Help

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

Reviews

[Kristi Seat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource!

Such a great resource for partners of sex addicts. Heavy on codependency at times and would be useful to have more information about the leaving process as well as more on betrayal trauma

[Wintermote · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written, covers a LOT of ground. I agree with other reviews though who take issue with the idea that partners have serious issues of their own that explain why they are with an addict and contribute to the situation yet at the same time stressing its in no way the partner’s fault.

[Kaylee Nichols · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very Disappointed In this Book

I was recommended this book online and unfortunately was very disappointed. I recently discovered that my husband is a sex addict. I realize that I have things I need to work through, and that I need to focus on my own recovery. However, this book does not touch on the abuse that women can suffer as a result of their husband’s addiction and how that can manifest as severe trauma. My takeaway from this book was that I need to go to a 12 step program and accept my situation as a blessing.

I am 100% on board with working to understand why I ended up in this situation and ultimately tolerated abuse for so long, but the book feels like it is geared towards reconciliation. There is a section on divorce, but the majority of the focus is on rebuilding trust. Since I caught my husband, he continues to lie to me, blame me for his addiction, and is actually refusing to even speak to me.

I wish the book had more examples of how to heal when your spouse is abusive, volatile, and shows no signs of remorse or recovery.

[Linda Kay · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I could give this book a negative review I would. The book's underlying assumption seems to be that the partner choose the sex addict because of some issue in the partner's past. The book also puts some responsibility on the partner for the sex addicts' behavior. The newest science (and better books) recognize that most of these partners are the victim of relationship betrayal trauma. The book recommends that partners participate in a 12-step program for recovery, which, sadly implies partners are some how complicit in the sex addicts' behavior. There are some passages (rare) that are helpful, but over all I think this book could actually do more harm than good for partners trying to recover from the trauma of betrayal. The authors need to review more recent science and update their approach. Time to stop blaming the victim!

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read

Awesome read for a spouse of sex addict. May have to read several times during this entire healing process to finally get it.