When I Grow Up: A Memoir

by Bernice Rubens

A moving, funny memoir by a great writer - from her wartime childhood to her stints as a teacher, lady's maid, actress and writer... In a rare foray outside that natural home, Booker Prize-winner Bernice Rubens penned these memoirs while I still have

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

252 pages, Paperback

Published December 7, 2006

About the author

Bernice Rubens was born in Cardiff, Wales in July 1928. She began writing at the age of 35, when her children started nursery school. Her second novel, Madame Sousatzka (1962), was filmed by John Schlesinger filmed with Shirley MacLaine in the leading role in 1988. Her fourth novel, The Elected Member, won the 1970 Booker prize. She was shortlisted for the same prize again in 1978 for A Five Year Sentence. Her last novel, The Sergeants’ Tale, was published in 2003. She was an honorary vice-president of International PEN and served as a Booker judge in 1986. Bernice Rubens died in 2004 aged 76.

Reviews

[John Newcomb · Rating 3 out of 5]

A brutally honest autobiography which I wish I had read sooner. Bernice tells of her father's escape from Russia, growing up in Cardiff during the War, her failed marriage and successful children and siblings, her film making, music making and her relationships with friends and relations.
There are lots of references in her books to her life (her brother's eccentric piano teacher made a novel as did the brothal at the end of the road). The great tragedy is the knowledge that her successful artist daughter just outlived her by just six years, but of course that didn't make the book.
I feel that this book will provide a greater insight into her wonderful novels and the many contesting pressures in the fiction of this agnostic Jewish Welsh Feminist writer.

[Jaiwantika Dutta · Rating 3 out of 5]

Books written by old ladies, particularly creative old ladies are always interesting, because creative people have a 'devil- may- care' attitude, femmes more so, and creative old femmes even more so. Bernice Rubens, who was rather passive-aggressive throughout her life, suddenly vents forth with her biography "When I Grow Up: A Memoir", in which she is unabashedly, if refreshingly, honest. This is not to say that this book lacks courage. "When I Grow Up: A Memoir", is also a very courageous book. In fact, the Sunday Telegraph terms it 'valiant' as well.

Bernice Rubens, abused by parental expectation, failed to become the musical prodigy her genes predicted she would be. Instead, she studied English, wrote books, and gained fame as an actress and a documentary film maker.When her husband Rudi leaves her for his mistress who has just delivered a boy, Rubens-left with two small daughters- gains a new-found independence.
In her memoir, she talks with refreshing candor about books she wrote and films she made, as well as people who helped her and people who didn't.

Her style is straightforward and she writes with a woman's wisdom of society and its people. "When I Grow Up: A Memoir" is a book written by an old lady. It's not a happy book. It is mean, sarcastic, and it remembers things. It is extremely insightful,and its characters post the book seem cast in stone. We'll never know if they were different people, because they were not given a chance. I think that is something that Bernice Rubens deserves credit for. "When I Grow Up: A Memoir", has been written not just with courage but with such conviction, that they all seem just like Bernice Rubens wanted them to seem.

[Frances · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Rubens writes with such honesty, humour and wisdom.
She grew up in Splott – “the unmentionable and indisputable armpit of Cardiff”. Nevertheless she had a happy and reasonably comfortable childhood surrounded by her warm, musical, Jewish family.

Bernice had an eventful life; at school and college in Cardiff during the war, an unhappy marriage producing two daughters, travelling as a documentary maker mostly concerned with women's issues and a successful writer living in London close to her extended family.

Bernice always felt guilty that she hadn't lived up to her parents’, especially her mother’s, expectations. Even after they are gone she says “God help me but I still need their approval”. She never chose to be a writer and always regrets that she didn't try harder with the cello and become a musician. At the end she plans to write a novel about writing a memoir “Yes, I shall start on it tomorrow, and in the morning I shall wake up and wonder what I shall do when I grow up”. Bernice Rubens died shortly after writing this memoir.

[Lady R.E. Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though the second half of this book was basically a mess (possibly because the author died before she'd properly finished or edited it) the first half was so funny, sad, and overall enjoyable that I'm tempted to give the book 5 stars. The sort of intimate, warm and straightforward writing that makes you wish the author were a good friend of yours. Haven't read any of her other books. Now think I should.