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307 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1956
‘Tailors, like waiters, hear everything—A heavy smell of Tiger Balm pervaded the air. It held spirits of earth, the stolid ship lurching through—green-oil sea, its black and orange prow sprouting phosphorescent arches on the night waters of the southern ocean.’
‘All over the world we witness—people willing to give their all—to give hope for a better world for their children and their children’s children. Han Suyin spares no—love stories of yearning young men and women—We are confronted by all these issues as we read the book. How do we respond? How do we react? How do we read and interpret them?’
‘She writes in the kind of manner that entices and then seduces to complete the bond between writer and reader—a bond that most readers carry through life—readers of her books speak about how reading her books made them rethink their own lives. ‘And The Rain My Drink’ stands out as a towering testimony of a period lived through and experienced by the writer herself—it unravels the truths behind the realities of what went on during this time of confused values and even more confused judgments.’
‘It is important that young people—read this book and process the many perspectives it offers, for Han Suyin writes not so much for the people who made a mess—but for those common human beings who lost so much even though they gave so much.’
‘From ward to ward, up and down the stone stairs, the sinusoid of sound pursues me. Words, words, words—in all the dialects and languages—The word Malay means Javanese, Sumatrans, Indonesians, people from Minangkabau and many another East Indies island—Chinese include half a dozen subgroups from the southern provinces of China, by feature and emotion Chinese, but divided by dialect into Teochews, Hokkiens, Hakkas, Cantonese, Hainanese, and smaller groups. Indians include Tamils, Punjabis, Sikhs, Pathans, Bengalis, and many others. In each ward the nurses must act as translators as well as nurses.’
‘There is knowledge that is not knowledge, not in words and yet inhabits the mind, informs it with facts and events. And although no one told the story, yet this is what he grew to know, without once acknowledging that he knew. Our main task will be to look after—people, many of them Hakkas. It is important for us—that the women outside should pass food to the friends of their husbands, their husbands, brothers, and sons. Thus we shall always have enough to eat.’
‘As you know, the Hakkas form a sub-group of their own—I found that seven out of ten people here were Hakkas—I was a priest for four years in a Hakka district in South China. With cups of excellent coffee, Father Destier poured out his bitterness and his biography. Earnest or humorous, passionate or soberly reflective, truculent or humbly contrite, his moods of fervent unreason or cold sanity were altogether self-forgetful.’
‘Ah Pak was of a race whose poetry was an explanation of existence, of living. Whenever anyone brought into the jungle a newspaper, Ah Pak would turn to page eight, which carried from top to bottom the blank verse, the sonnets, the short stories written by the Chinese children of Malaya, the best of the lot every day.’
‘There is the sisterhood of amahs, those of the long black braids of hair pulling their bony heads back, always dressed in white tops and black silk trousers, neutral as worker-bees; there is the confederacy of women carriers, those who build roads and carry bricks and lumber—binding by affection, which is as strong as ties of blood, and often stronger.’
‘Every trader has a pain threshold—You could have the best trade in the world, but if you hit your pain threshold, it doesn’t matter—Every time you put a trade on, you ask: What is the worst possible thing that can happen to this trade in between now and me being right? Is that realistic? Am I lying to myself? Could it go a lot more? Take your worst-case scenario, and double it. Me, I know what I’m like. When a trade kicks my arse, I’m gonna do more. If it kicks my arse more I will do more again. I don’t know why I’m like that. Maybe because fuck you that’s why. All I know is if a trade’s gonna fuck me then I’m gonna fuck the trade back and I’ll keep fucking it until I win. But if I’m gonna do that, then—sure as hell I had better be right in the end.’
‘There was no reason for me to go to Singapore. But Chuck had asked me one time where in the world I’d like to go, and I had just said to him 'Singapore', without really knowing where it was. It was a bit like when I told my nan I liked Lion bars, and then she got me them for Christmas every year till she died. Singapore was beautiful. And when Chuck called about my bonus on the phone in my hotel room, I was sitting on a bed, high, high up in the sky. I looked out over the marina. The sun was so bright it was blinding, and it reflected off of everything. The water, the skyscrapers, the gardens, the little lion that shoots water from its mouth. It wasn’t my sun, it was another man’s sun. I wondered what all of it meant. OK, I thought, time to go home then. Time to be the best trader in the world.’
‘With me, it was economics. We argued about economics constantly. Titzy graduated from Bocconi. That’s basically just LSE for Italians. So why did I want this scruffy, silver-suited Italian who went around overpaying for his coffee? The truth is, I liked arguing with the guy. I’ve got Italians in my family, I’ve always liked winding them up. What can I say, it’s a weakness of mine. I liked the way he’d get mad about the nature of the causes of inflation, or storm off in the middle of a football game, shouting (probably correctly, in fairness) that we weren’t fit to polish his boots. But those weren’t the main reasons that I wanted Titzy.’
‘I wanted Titzy—he was the voice of the street. I’m not talking about the back streets of Naples here. Titzy was more of a Lake Como type. I’m talking about Wall Street. Titzy always thought that the market was right. Always. Just like he always thought the textbooks were right. I think the guy had some sort of deeply laid innate desire to believe in a kind of higher wisdom. To trust that the guys upstairs had it under control. Bless him, his dad must have been a nice guy. That was exactly what I wanted. I wanted a kid who read the Financial Times in the morning and then spent the whole day on the phone to his business school mates. Let me explain to you why.’
‘We hedged a fucking lot of risks, often risks we didn’t have. I was about to take the hedge of my life. See what I had realised, at that moment, was exactly, precisely why we were all wrong. We had been diagnosing a terminal cancer as a series of seasonal colds. We thought the—system was broken—but would recover. The problem would not solve itself. In fact, it would accelerate, it would get worse. The reason economists didn’t realise this is because almost no economists look in their models at how wealth is distributed—For them, it’s nothing more than an afterthought. Moralist window dressing. Finally, my degree was useful for something after all. It showed me exactly how everyone was wrong. If I was right, this was a big deal—They were losing their homes.’
‘What I couldn’t get out of my head was this sense of similarity. It was the same—it was the world. It wasn’t temporary, it was terminal—It was cancer. And I knew what that meant.’
‘I would like to tell you it’s because I was crazy—I was brave—I was creative and wild—I stepped outside the artificial constraints that bound me, and decided to go totally mad—But it’s like that, isn’t it? Perhaps if that Russian linesman, who wasn’t even really Russian, didn’t give that goal that day, in 1966, then England would never win the World Cup.’
‘How would you feel if an earthquake happened and twenty thousand people died and you made eleven million dollars? That’s five hundred and fifty dollars per person.’
‘Love was the answer—and then, confusedly, but Love is such a nauseating word in this heat.’
‘What would be Pearl’s future staying here? Frustration, rancour, bitterness—at last surrender, marriage to a—businessman, a hectic busy-bright money machine shaped as a man, intent on success? Let her go. Let her go, as Mabel would go to a nunnery, let her go. It had to be China. A practical mystic imprisoned in business concerns, she was of those Asians who dream of cherished solitude, yet are plunged by the turmoil of Asia into hectic action and paltry concern. ‘Perhaps I have no soul,’ she repeated to herself. But Pearl was of another century in this raging acceleration of crescendo—where events shaped the future before the present was yet wholly perceived.’
‘Fate dispensed her ends and her beginnings. With torches of woven coconut strands flaring bright fists of golden fire the fishermen now scoured the black mirror of the sea. On the ceiling and the walls the pink and green ‘chikchaks’, familiar lizards, ran their nightly rampage. The small things of the night, slight and eternal: the oscillating recitatives of cicadas—Keeping time like a metronome apportioning the hours, a drip felt, not heard, the heaving sap in millions of trees dispensed sumptuous latex, the white gold, the rubber for which perhaps all this was happening, for which men fought and died, betrayed or kept faith: the harsh tree-wealth, the curse, the boon of Malaya—dripping monotonous as prayer: Give us this day our daily latex.’
‘And this—perfecting the opposed into a circumferential geometry of life, for which chaos is but a word, the name of an order not yet born; where madness, greed, and violence sought to lay their hot waste upon all, where greed, madness, and violence were counted in the drops of the latex; this was peace, in the clemency of night to blend the confusion of the fissured land into harmony, smooth as horizon circle, gathered as latex in a cup, complete and flat as death.’
‘‘Your friend Suyin just died.’ I received the text on 2 November, 2012—I’d be speaking, and reading, at a gathering of Urdu writers, in my mother tongue that language of mine Suyin loved without understanding it, that she’d tried to reach through translations of its poetry. The first time we met, she asked me to listen to its music in my inner ear before I sat down to write. Yes, trapped between tongues like her, I did what she couldn’t. I reclaimed another self in my forgotten language.
She rarely stayed long in one place. But she carried China around wherever she went—China kept calling her back. Two years before I’d been to India, and found a connection with its air and water that had never broken, or at least that’s how it felt when I came back. But after we met, I too became more nomadic. First in my head and then my feet followed. I finally reached Pakistan a decade after that first encounter. I told a journalist there: ‘I’m comfortably homeless in six languages and at least as many countries.’
They say that migration is like a death, and arrival otherwhere a second birth—In March 1986—I came upon a black-and-white photograph of Suyin—And there, below her image—was her statement: ‘European and Americans writers write with great beauty and perception about Asians. I write as an Asian, with all the pent-up emotions of my people. What I say will annoy many people who prefer the conventional myths brought back by writers on the orient. All I can say is that I try to tell the truth. Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures.’
After years of politically-curated distance she’d managed to go back to her motherland and since then she had refused to belong to one place, one ideology or one creed. And yet, book after book, she rebuilt that motherland for herself—her voyages of return encompassed both past and present—in her writings she created not only a country but an entire continent, blurring boundaries between Cambodia, Malaya, Thailand, Nepal.
One night in Bangkok Suyin declared to someone who asked her where she lived: ‘I’m homeless.’ Gore Vidal, eminence grise of American letters, who himself lived half a world away from his root in Ravenna, turned around and called her a rude, ungrateful woman. Why? Where did she owe gratitude, in his mind?
I saw Suyin several more times on her brief visits to London. We made long distance calls—She still wrote letters but less and less frequently.
I was not someone who, to quote Suyin, ‘happened to live’ abroad and went back for my roots: I was someone who had left behind a homeland and never found anything to replace the empty patch. Wherever I was I’d always look for a part of myself in the city I’d been sent away from. As I wrote then: all my mirrors of belonging have cracked. She didn’t call on some of her last trips to London – she said she’d thought I was too busy to see her.
As the millennium descended, she was slowly leaving the world behind. No writing, no letters, no travels. ‘I want to die with not a breath unshed. With empty sleeves. I’ve given away almost everything I owned.’ When I spoke to her – was it 2000? Or 2002? She didn’t call again. I often thought of her and told myself I’d ring. Somehow, I never did.’ — Aamer Hussein, ‘Han Suyin: A Friendship’