We’re talking about cats for god’s sake. What’s the worst that can happen?
I should have suspected this from the cover, but it seems I've been going through a somewhat masochistic phase in terms of picking out terrible books. And there's no other way to put it: Ricky Sides' "Claws" is a terrible book, having taken over my previous candidate for this same yearly (dis)honor. I confess that I did not make it all the way to the very end but there's just only so much torture one should put themselves through. And this may be the worst book I've attempted to read in quite some time. The execution is amateurish, the editing is awful, and the dialogue is just dreadful, filled with jilted and clichéd hiccups at best. Even something like consistency, meaning if you spell something or capitalize a title once then you should still do that throughout, was just unreal it was so bad.
Cats are the most deadly pet mankind has domesticated on a large scale.
Look, I didn't start out thinking that it would be this bad. I mean, every book has to start off with average expectations and then we see if those go up or down as we progress. And the start of "Claws" wasn't bad even if the premise - an evil corporation experimenting with genetic enhancements of animals for the military ("the specimens would be turned into super cats, and they’d be bigger, stronger, and more lethal than ordinary cats…") - was rather stale and unoriginal. Still, I thought we could have something if it was just played right. Even the first few pages and chapters leading up to Patricia's dismissal and the "freeing" of the cats via animal rights activitists wasn't all that bad. But honestly, if the different characters were instead actors, they wouldn't even qualify for an understudy role in barn dinner theater owing to such poor performances.
Cats, like people, have their dark sides.
And not just that, obviously, but the just dreadful mistakes started to build and build some more as my "inner rating" began to plummet rapidly. Punctuation seemed to be at best a random rumor the author had heard about and the sheer redundancy in parts was mind-numbingly frustrating ("George explained… George explained… George explained…"). For example, I cannot tell you how many times the word "door" was used in one section (when Patricia's house is invaded by cats delivered by evil doers unknown) but after seeing it so many times and often AT LEAST TWICE in the same sentence, well, I just gave up. Oh and if you're curious, the word itself appears nearly 240 times in the book EXCLUDING uses such as doorway, etc. I mean, come on, read the damn book OUT LOUD to yourself to see what sounds weird before you release it. Oh and this was one of my personal favorites (meaning, I actually did groan out loud): "It looked eerie with its bluish tint, which the blue light caused." Uh, ya think?
Think of the mayhem … if the military quietly tainted the pet food supply of an enemy nation.
My advice to the author? Get together with a beta team and put in place a better review system. I don't know how it's been with all the military offers - and trust me, I will never try them - but this kind of performance won't work no matter how many offers are on Kindle Unlimited. MOST IMPORTANTLY: my advice to the reader? Stay away from this extremely poorly written book filled with just about as much silliness as you could imagine. Oh, you ask, but doesn't Mittens destroy New York? No. What about Mr. Fluffy, does he permanently damage the Grand Canyon like it's a sandbox? No, again, those would be original ideas and probably much more entertaining than what we got.