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Who Needs Christmas? #1
Screw Santa
[Siren Classic Erotic Alternative Paranormal Romance, M/M, elves, public exhibition, bondage, sex toys] A group of twelve elves who found each other after leaving the North Pole at different times has been living together for decades. They are comfortable with their new way of life away from the Christmas atmosphere they despise. The only things missing for these serious gamers are their human mates. Horse's hatred of Santa brought him to Illinois, where he has always viewed guys as entertainment rather than people to start a serious relationship with. That is, until he meets Bren. Bren Griaule is a detective who is used to being in charge whether he is at work or in the bedroom. When he meets Horse, he has a chance to relinquish some of that control. As the two start their relationship, will Bren be able to accept Horse's dominant ways? Will the two of them be able to eliminate the threat that indirectly led to their meeting? ** A Siren Erotic Romance
117 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 12, 2011
10 people are currently reading
142 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
December 14, 2011
I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to read this book, but whatever it was, it in no way prepared me for how horrible this was.
This reads like a 12 year-old's daydream - with a bunch of public sex/kink tossed in. Joyee Flynn has finally managed to create the uber-MarySue. In her universe, Elves are immortal, telepathic, super-strong, filthy rich mind-readers with the ability to teleport, heal themselves and others, change their physical shape and size (every part - if you get my drift..), conjure food, clothing and objects at will, and magically (look Ma, no hands) screw their partners and themselves.
Don't worry - if you mate one of these omnipotent creatures - you get to be immortal too!
In this world, when you are a police detective who gets called to the scene of an attempted murder that fits the M.O. of an active serial killer, you don't have to work the case - you can go home with the witness to have sex right away. - Why wait?
Honestly, what's the point? Where is there conflict when the characters have absolutely no limitations? The one and only nod to any sense of 'reality' is that Horse says he wouldn't want to use his gifts to help the police all the time because then he couldn't have a 'real life'. Wow - 'cause he's doing so much good with his immortal life now.
I don't care if as an author you want to give your characters all sorts of super-powers and you don't want to bog them down in the day-to-day realities of life, like responsibility and ethics, but then don't set your book in Chicago. Set it on planet fantasy. Otherwise, as a reader, I'm going to expect some sort of recognition that an immortal, super-strong, mind-reading, shape-shifting, mega-rich, magic-wielding healer who plays video games for a living is just a d*ck.
This reads like a 12 year-old's daydream - with a bunch of public sex/kink tossed in. Joyee Flynn has finally managed to create the uber-MarySue. In her universe, Elves are immortal, telepathic, super-strong, filthy rich mind-readers with the ability to teleport, heal themselves and others, change their physical shape and size (every part - if you get my drift..), conjure food, clothing and objects at will, and magically (look Ma, no hands) screw their partners and themselves.
Don't worry - if you mate one of these omnipotent creatures - you get to be immortal too!
In this world, when you are a police detective who gets called to the scene of an attempted murder that fits the M.O. of an active serial killer, you don't have to work the case - you can go home with the witness to have sex right away. - Why wait?
Honestly, what's the point? Where is there conflict when the characters have absolutely no limitations? The one and only nod to any sense of 'reality' is that Horse says he wouldn't want to use his gifts to help the police all the time because then he couldn't have a 'real life'. Wow - 'cause he's doing so much good with his immortal life now.
I don't care if as an author you want to give your characters all sorts of super-powers and you don't want to bog them down in the day-to-day realities of life, like responsibility and ethics, but then don't set your book in Chicago. Set it on planet fantasy. Otherwise, as a reader, I'm going to expect some sort of recognition that an immortal, super-strong, mind-reading, shape-shifting, mega-rich, magic-wielding healer who plays video games for a living is just a d*ck.
sick-beyond-words
December 12, 2011Rating: -100
Once again Flynn proves that nothing is sacred and there are indeed no boundaries she and her wantonly twisted "imagination" will not cross.
Once again Flynn proves that nothing is sacred and there are indeed no boundaries she and her wantonly twisted "imagination" will not cross.
August 24, 2015
2 stars
I loved the concept about elves left the North Pole,but the whole story didn't convince me as much as I'd expected.
I loved the concept about elves left the North Pole,but the whole story didn't convince me as much as I'd expected.
August 9, 2016
1.5 stars. I'll round up to 2 because it's not quite a 1-star book, but it was pretty bad.
Elves. Their human mates. Constant bouts of boring sex. Stilted writing. A ridiculous plot.
Stay away. Stay far, far away. (I would say more, but I've already wasted enough time on this book simply through the act of reading it.)
Elves. Their human mates. Constant bouts of boring sex. Stilted writing. A ridiculous plot.
Stay away. Stay far, far away. (I would say more, but I've already wasted enough time on this book simply through the act of reading it.)
January 6, 2022
Todo pasa demasiado rápido y es poco creíble, la verdad pero me da curiosidad las parejas siguientes😅
05-mm-read
December 20, 2015Ok, Ill admit it, these types of books are my guilty pleasures. Light fluffy incredibly sexy.
12 elves leave the North Pole because they hate Christmas. Horse is the one this book is about when he meets his mate, Bren.
12 elves leave the North Pole because they hate Christmas. Horse is the one this book is about when he meets his mate, Bren.
October 31, 2011
This book requires a sense of humor to like. I mean, I was interested in the concept and in seeing what can be done with elves who hate the North pole. And, yes, some of the 'features' they have are different from those of other paranormals. But I can't say they were new or interesting enough to really fascinate me.
As a form of light entertainment which makes me laugh, though? That it definitely did. The names alone are a total hoot, and at least I know that at the end of every book the next elf will have found his mate. I am not sure what to think about the so-called playroom yet, or the 'kinky' nature of this book; none of that really convinced me. It may look like kink/BDSM, but it dind't feel 'real' to me.
The oldest elf, Horse, and his detective mate, Bren, were quite funny together. Bren has commitment issues, and that is hard for the possessive head elf to accept. He does do his best, though, and when they end up solving a case together a lot of the misunderstandings and relationship issues get worked out.
If you're looking for light entertainment, a lot of humor and poking fun at existing elf and Christmas legends, you may like this book.
As a form of light entertainment which makes me laugh, though? That it definitely did. The names alone are a total hoot, and at least I know that at the end of every book the next elf will have found his mate. I am not sure what to think about the so-called playroom yet, or the 'kinky' nature of this book; none of that really convinced me. It may look like kink/BDSM, but it dind't feel 'real' to me.
The oldest elf, Horse, and his detective mate, Bren, were quite funny together. Bren has commitment issues, and that is hard for the possessive head elf to accept. He does do his best, though, and when they end up solving a case together a lot of the misunderstandings and relationship issues get worked out.
If you're looking for light entertainment, a lot of humor and poking fun at existing elf and Christmas legends, you may like this book.
June 30, 2016
I read this book because of the title. I expected maybe some ironic commentary on the commercialism and extreme sentimentality of Christmas. Instead I got invincible elves, weird unsexy sex, total apathy towards the MC's and a predictable storyline. I will not continue with this series, cool names or not.
November 13, 2018
This was a fun story to read. It had comedy and a bit of thriller to it. You have elves that don't like Santa and the North Pole. You just have to think of all kinds of things when reading that.
I thought Horse was a great character. I also loved Bren. I liked that Horse was dominant even though he was much smaller. I also liked having a big guy be more submissive. This book felt like it took the norms you usually read and threw them out the window. It was refreshing.
I have to say that my favorite part of the book was reading about how some of the elves got their names. I loved their stories. I can't wait to read more of the series.
I thought Horse was a great character. I also loved Bren. I liked that Horse was dominant even though he was much smaller. I also liked having a big guy be more submissive. This book felt like it took the norms you usually read and threw them out the window. It was refreshing.
I have to say that my favorite part of the book was reading about how some of the elves got their names. I loved their stories. I can't wait to read more of the series.
October 16, 2023
Horse hears the voice of a dreamy guy during the current tournament, which leaves him breathless. When a chance meeting, turns into meeting his mate, Horse is ecstatic, but Bren isn't sure about his feelings.
Horse and Bren were adorable together, once they got past Bren's issues. This was a reasonably quick book, and I wish there had been more focus on the relationship between the two rather than the killer storyline. Still, overall, I enjoyed the story and can't wait to see the other elves meet their mates.
Horse and Bren were adorable together, once they got past Bren's issues. This was a reasonably quick book, and I wish there had been more focus on the relationship between the two rather than the killer storyline. Still, overall, I enjoyed the story and can't wait to see the other elves meet their mates.
August 7, 2018
This book, actually the whole series, is amazing. No it’s not “serious” dramatic romance and it doesn’t have a very complicated plot however it DID make me laugh in a time of year that is usually very difficult for me. I hate the holidays and most all Christmas books, but I love this series it’s characters are so funny and insane you can’t help but feel better after reading it.
July 27, 2018
Who knew I had a magical elf fetish 🤤
July 21, 2018
Horse and his eleven friends are all elves who left the North Pole due to their hatred of Christmas. Now settled in Illinois, they spend their time gaming, going to clubs, and getting very inventive with their lovers. Then a series of coincidences bring Horse into contact with Bren Griaule, a man who tempts Horse like no other. Could Bren be his mate? And will the human detective be able to accept Horse’s dominance and supernatural nature?
Author Joyee Flynn shows she has a quirky sense of humor in Screw Santa. I giggled right and left learning Horse and his friends’ names, the reasons behind them, and their hatred of Christmas. Ms. Flynn’s humor kept me entertained when the rest of Screw Santa fell flat for me. When reading a paranormal, it’s a given that you have to suspend disbelief. That being said, there should be some form of realism and logic to the characters and their actions and I just couldn’t find much of either in Bren’s character, especially when he was tossed into so many personal and sexual situations he had no experience with. I also had a bit of an issue with there being no limits to the elves’ power. Quite simply, there was nothing to ground the story. All in all, I found Screw Santa to be a candy box of sexual kink and without any obstacles, character growth, or logic. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, unless you want something more. For me, I like there to be some basis or realism in my characters so Screw Santa just wasn’t for me. But I will give Ms. Flynn high marks for her sense of humor because the silliness in Screw Santa was delightful.
Reviewed for Joyfully Reviewed.
Author Joyee Flynn shows she has a quirky sense of humor in Screw Santa. I giggled right and left learning Horse and his friends’ names, the reasons behind them, and their hatred of Christmas. Ms. Flynn’s humor kept me entertained when the rest of Screw Santa fell flat for me. When reading a paranormal, it’s a given that you have to suspend disbelief. That being said, there should be some form of realism and logic to the characters and their actions and I just couldn’t find much of either in Bren’s character, especially when he was tossed into so many personal and sexual situations he had no experience with. I also had a bit of an issue with there being no limits to the elves’ power. Quite simply, there was nothing to ground the story. All in all, I found Screw Santa to be a candy box of sexual kink and without any obstacles, character growth, or logic. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, unless you want something more. For me, I like there to be some basis or realism in my characters so Screw Santa just wasn’t for me. But I will give Ms. Flynn high marks for her sense of humor because the silliness in Screw Santa was delightful.
Reviewed for Joyfully Reviewed.
March 14, 2012
typical joyee flynn serial romance. nothing fantastic, nothing so bad it can't be finished. what is typical joyee flynn? imagine a shorter harlequin romance but with no t&a (see, i was going to write no surprise pregnancies, but... yeah.).
out of sheer laziness, i will be using this as my template for all books by :
joyee flynn
sunny day
lynn hagen
stormy glenn
scarlett hyacinth
carol lynne
gabrielle evans
unless otherwise noted. i'd apologize, but i'm not sorry. i figure it's about as much time as they put into their books. dammit! well, i made it all the way to the end being rather moderate in my assessment. that's a win
out of sheer laziness, i will be using this as my template for all books by :
joyee flynn
sunny day
lynn hagen
stormy glenn
scarlett hyacinth
carol lynne
gabrielle evans
unless otherwise noted. i'd apologize, but i'm not sorry. i figure it's about as much time as they put into their books. dammit! well, i made it all the way to the end being rather moderate in my assessment. that's a win
August 31, 2016
This is a series of 12 elves who have left the North Pole to live in the human world. Each book tells about each elf finding their "mate". It is a wonderful series. I am writting this review after I have finished all 12 books. I was able to read a book each night when I went to bed. I usually read for about 5 hours after I go to bed. I love this author. I think I am about the finish all the books that she has written. Once you read one of her books you will pretty much know how the book will flow. I enjoy that for a light easy read. Really good series.
July 29, 2012
Interesting idea/concept of 12 elves who have left the North Pole because of issues they have with the big man in red or just things concerning the holiday. I liked the family like setting that was present and light sometimes dirty banter between all of them. I have to say I thought there was going to be some hardcore bdsm going on (whipping, gagging, some degrading acts, etc) between Bren and Horse but there wasn't really. The whipping/beating of the poor subs in the club dealt with more bdsm then Bren and Horse's relationship in my opinion.
December 21, 2014
Screw Santa is a pretty fun fluff read introducing you to a world of elves, specifically a "family" of twelve who are sick and tired of everything Christmas. But when Horse (did you know that elves name themselves?) meets cop Bren Griaule after doing a good deed, things are about to change in the "Smith" household. What starts as insta-lust quickly turns into more as Horse realizes that Bren is his fated mate and tries to introduce him to the world of the supernatural. Cute, sweet, and very steamy.
December 13, 2011
Six sentences into this book had me laughing out loud.
What an interesting concept for a series. Twelve elves leave the North Pole at different times to end up forming their own family when they slowly find each other. What do they have in common, well...they are all short, gorgeous, immortal, magical, un-mated, gay and TOPS! Oh and don't get me started on their names.
I enjoy this story and I'm looking forward to the next 11.
What an interesting concept for a series. Twelve elves leave the North Pole at different times to end up forming their own family when they slowly find each other. What do they have in common, well...they are all short, gorgeous, immortal, magical, un-mated, gay and TOPS! Oh and don't get me started on their names.
I enjoy this story and I'm looking forward to the next 11.
December 22, 2011
I thought this was a good start to a fun series. It was just enough to keep me wanting more. I am not one for extreme kink so this play right into what I love. Joyee never seems to disappoint me. I love her books and this series will be one I will read again and again even if it isn't Christmas time. Just the story behind it makes it worth the read.
July 23, 2016
I've read the reviews on this book and I guess to each their own but really this book had it all. While I agree that the D/s wasn't all that real, I don't think that it had any effect on the actual story.
I liked it :)
I liked it :)
December 20, 2011
easy 3.75 stars
I love a bit of fun
reminded me of a jet mykles quirky story
I was reluctant to start these and now I want to read the whole series and they are ot all out yet
I don't know how patient I am.
I love a bit of fun
reminded me of a jet mykles quirky story
I was reluctant to start these and now I want to read the whole series and they are ot all out yet
I don't know how patient I am.
December 4, 2014
I love these quick-fluffy-funky-dunky weird as all get out stories.
The BDSM element was a funky twist, nothing like elves from the North Pole going all toppy!
:shrugs: I liked it. But I like Man Love pocket stories like this.
The BDSM element was a funky twist, nothing like elves from the North Pole going all toppy!
:shrugs: I liked it. But I like Man Love pocket stories like this.
December 24, 2013
Um.
This was a pretty amusing and utterly ridiculous story of refugee elves. Okay, they're not on the run. They just don't want to work for Santa like all the othe straight elves do.
I should hate this story, but it turns out that I can enjoy trashy romance.
This was a pretty amusing and utterly ridiculous story of refugee elves. Okay, they're not on the run. They just don't want to work for Santa like all the othe straight elves do.
I should hate this story, but it turns out that I can enjoy trashy romance.
November 24, 2015
I enjoyed the characters, and their world and hope I get the chance to read the story again and/or to read more within the series.
My Rating System:
* couldn't finish, ** wouldn't recommend, *** would recommend, **** would read again, ***** have read again.
My Rating System:
* couldn't finish, ** wouldn't recommend, *** would recommend, **** would read again, ***** have read again.
December 12, 2011
Dear Santa.....
What a hoot!!!
What a hoot!!!
December 13, 2011
2.1, parts were good. not sure if this series is for me.
the term mate/my mate is used over 100 times, gets a little repetitive and this author really really really likes public exhibition scenes.
the term mate/my mate is used over 100 times, gets a little repetitive and this author really really really likes public exhibition scenes.
December 12, 2011
Great story. Love the characters already. Absolutely can not wait for the rest of the series!!!
September 6, 2015
This is a light hearted read. Is it realistic...no. This isn't that kind of read. It's just a fun one. I had fun reading it.
October 28, 2012
I loved this story and although short it was so full and I can't wait to get into the rest of this series!
August 31, 2013
It's cheesy, it's fluff.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews