The Grandmother Principles

by Suzette Haden Elgin

In our mobile, youth-obsessed culture, we have developed a grandmother problem, says Suzette Haden Elgin. "Women who become grandmothers don't know whether to rejoice or run for cover and grandmotherly role models and skills are disappearing." In The Grandmother Principles , Elgin, the bestselling author of The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense has created a commonsense guide for learning to "think like a grandmother." Elgin organizes the book around 21 "Grandmother Principles"--short aphorisms that are a designed to bring more joy and serenity to the adventure of being a grandparent. A A grandmother is a safe haven; most arguments are about who is in charge; a grandmother is not a quarterback; there are secret stories that only a grandmother should know. Each principle is explored by addressing hot topics for grandparents and detailed in sidebars, comics, and sample dialogues. Elgin's buoyant, supportive personality guides grandparents through a hefty list of how-to's including how to avoid being a martyr, deal with memory loss, cope with family disgrace, tell a family story, or write a family newsletter. In each chapter, smart sidebars add levity for example, "seven ways to end up helpless." An appendix details "granny crafts" from crocheting to creating doll clothes and making homemade play dough. Elgin, a grandmother of 10, offers abundant and reliable advice--often convincing us that Grandma knows best. --Barbara Mackoff

Genres: Self Help

220 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Suzette Haden Elgin was an American science fiction author. She founded the Science Fiction Poetry Association, and is considered an important figure in the field of science fiction constructed languages. Elgin was also a linguist; she published non-fiction, of which the best-known is the Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense series.

Born in 1936 in Missouri, Elgin attended the University of California, San Diego (UCSD) in the 1960s, and began writing science fiction in order to pay tuition. She has a Ph.D. in linguistics, and was the first UCSD student to ever write two dissertations (on English and Navajo). She created the engineered language Láadan for her Native Tongue science fiction series. A grammar and dictionary was published in 1985. She is a supporter of feminist science fiction, saying "women need to realize that SF is the only genre of literature in which it's possible for a writer to explore the question of what this world would be like if you could get rid of [X], where [X] is filled in with any of the multitude of real world facts that constrain and oppress women. Women need to treasure and support science fiction." [1]

In addition, she published works of shorter fiction. Overlying themes in her work include feminism, linguistics and the impact of language, and peaceful coexistence with nature. Many of her works also draw from her Ozark background and heritage.

Elgin became a professor at her alma mater's cross-town rival, San Diego State University (SDSU). She retired in 1980.

Reviews

[Janice · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a grandmother of ten, Ms Elgin obviously has grandmother experience. That being said, I didn't find many of the principles particularly insightful, useful or helpful. I'm looking elsewhere.

[Mitzi Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderfully reassuring and informative. As a new grandmother (2 months), I appreciated the advice. Although I did not teach myself to crochet (p 198), I will take away several ideas for enriching our family life.

[J. Muro · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Old, combined, and new) Principles are terrific to learn from and this is a great read to learn about it, and not just as a “gramma,” but in life overall, as a person,...however, some parts needs updating,...like life, technology, and others...the author is definitely the best person for having written this book-hands down,...even if it was published 20-some years back-

[Marianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for a fairly idiosyncratic reason: the author was a cherished internet acquaintance of mine, I found her wise and kind, and I mourn her to this day. So I just missed her and wanted to learn more about how her mind worked on certain topics, and for that purpose this book worked very well.

[Janelle V. Dvorak · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the book and took away many good ideas from it, as well as a comforting sense that being someone's grandmother is doable. I don't agree with some of her views of a grandmother's role, but I think we all take our personal experience and family culture into how we will accomplish the thing. If you want to know what my grandparental role models were like, read Glenway Wescott's The Grandmothers.

[Sally]

The author writes "feminist science fiction" and "gentle communication" stuff. Don't have the foggiest if I'll like it, but she sounds darn intriguing....

Skimmed at library. Over the past 2 generations or so, the idea of "grandmother" has changed. (um, yeah!) I thought it would interest me, but I suppose it's not very relevant right now!

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick read...had it done in less than two evenings.

[Stephanie LGW · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting advice and ideas. It's geared toward grandmothers, but there are ideas for family histories and gift giving (and general family dispute resolution ideas) that are good for everyone.