End of the Hour: A Therapist's Memoir

by Meghan Riordan Jarvis

What happens when a trauma therapist is traumatized by loss? Esteemed trauma therapist Meghan Riordan Jarvis knew how to help her patients process grief. For nearly twenty years, Meghan expected that this clinical training would inoculate her against the effects of personal trauma. But when her father died after a year-long battle with cancer, followed by her mother’s unexpected passing while on their family vacation, she came undone. Thrown into a maelstrom of grief, with long-buried childhood tragedy rising to the surface, Meghan knew what she had to do―check herself into the same trauma facility to which she often sent her clients. In treatment, trading the therapist’s chair for the patient’s couch, Meghan took her first steps toward healing. A brave story of confronting life’s hardest moments with emotional honesty, End of the Hour is for anyone who has experienced the unpredictable, lasting power of grief―and wondered how they’d ever get through it.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Mental Health, Psychology, Grief, Biography

288 pages, Paperback

Published November 14, 2023

About the author

MA LCSW

Reviews

[Janalee · Rating 4 out of 5]

First- bekka, this book will give you all the feels, as you say.

this is a memoir of a woman who witnesses a tragic death as a young child, and grows up in a large family where feelings aren't express the way she needed them to be. This eventually plays into her PTSD that she experiences later in life when her two parents pass away in old age. It all comes crashing down. And being a therapist doesn't save her.

I had a pretty hard time figure out at what exactly her parents did wrong. Other than not being supernaturally attuned to her every need. Does that ever happen? And if so, wouldn't that eventually overload the parent who is giving giving giving and not getting their own needs met. Thus leading to a possible breakdown. I don't know. I'm sure there's a balance.

For example, there was one part she used to illustrate where her needs weren't met, or seemed like a bother. She had to go to the bathroom when they were traveling and it was met with a collective groan. But what family doesn't react like that when someone has to go to the bathroom during traveling. Didn't know it played into the bigger picture of ptsd.

Nobody can predict and placate every need and then tend to their own as well. Somebody is going to get traumatized! There seems to be no room for error or inexperience anymore. Parents are villains no matter what.

There was a time when she was in grade school, and she wrote such a great essay that the English teacher made copies and passed it around the whole classroom as an example of great writing. This terrified her, and she thereafter wrote very ordinary things just to avoid the spotlight.

I like the way she was able to coax mourning out of her son, who wasn't able to express his sadness after his grandfather's death. So therapeutic.

"it's safe to say a lot must go into a marriage of 50 years" so profound. After her father died her mother wondered why she couldn't remember much about the week he died, and she was able to talk to her about the parts of the brain that codes memory," malfunction in times of extreme stress. Memory formation happens, but is fractured. Some details are coded with extra weight, while others are lost as though insignificant."

One trick she taught her patients who didn't wanna talk to anybody because they were struggling was to arrive late and talk on an imaginary phone call as they entered.

Drawing as a healthy processing tool. " I don't know but I felt better. I can tell you that. I stayed up for three days. Straight drone pictures out of my mind. I didn't have to think them anymore. Then I slept for a whole week ". "Describing images outloud ejected them from my mind for a few minutes. "

loved Jayson, the gentle pie man in Franklin, Tennessee.

[Karen Mcswain · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book, but Jarvis’ writing didn’t draw me in. I’m sure there are folks who will be able to relate to her experiences of trauma, and may find a path to healing through her book; however, it seems that she was/is incredibly privileged. Most of the people I know who have been diagnosed with Complex PTSD don’t have the financial means to go to intensive therapy, or to duck out of their lives and spend several weeks at an inpatient treatment facility that costs thousands of dollars, and offers equine therapy. Good for her though.

[Margaret · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not like this book at all. I had to read it for a book club, and I couldn't even finish it. I can't believe this woman is a therapist. She was so melodramatic and histrionic and I can't imagine what damage she did to her children. I wanted to shake her and tell her to get her s*** together in front of her children at least.

[Sylvia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m surprised that I’m the first review under 5 stars. I’ve read a number of books about a psychiatrist or psychologist who has experienced trauma of their own and they’ve been excellent. Lori Gottlieb immediately comes to mind. This was not nearly as good as others in this genre.

[Rena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meghan Riordan Jarvis bravely shared the raw emotion and painstaking journey through the grief of losing her mother in this honest, transcendent memoir. To not only find a therapist who is willing to be transparent in her own therapeutic journey and then to share it with the world is remarkable. I read this in bits because as a therapist myself, my Mom is currently on hospice and I am grieving parts of her lost already to dementia even as she lives. I especially appreciated Meghan’s vulnerability as she described her process of coming back to herself knowing that the process is not finishing a race but continuing that self-reflection, honesty, and asking for help when needed. Bravo for a beautiful gift to the world!

Release date 11/14/23

Thank you Zibby Books and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Babbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving memoir on an adult child grieving her parents, this book was a fresh take on grief. Meghan is a trauma therapist who is trained to treat grieving patients; however, when her own parents die, she is overwhelmed and seeks help. This was very thought provoking and filled with truth and honesty.

[Marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Meghan Riordan Jarvis is well known for her work in the world of trauma, grief and loss, in fact she’s a trauma therapist; she has a podcast (Grief is My Sidehustle), and is a two-time TEDx speaker. All the above gives her academic credentials, (and more) but with her new book “End of the Hour : A Therapist’s Memoir” Jarvis has cemented her name among books that people will recommend to others who are experiencing signs of trauma or extended grief.
This memoir centers around the question of what happens when a trauma therapist becomes the patient? Meghan Riordan Jarvis endured the loss of both her parents within a short time span and afterwards finds herself unable to deal with it in a healthy manner. It’s when she finds herself unable to take care for her children, and even herself that she realizes that she needs more in-depth treatment. The same treatment that she often recommends to her clients, which is an in-patient facility. Readers will not be dismayed to learn that mental health professionals have struggles of their own mental health, in fact they will be encouraged to learn that many of our struggles as adults are from imprints from childhoods. This is one of the best books that I’ve read in 2023 and will be recommending to many.


*I read an advance copy and was not compensated

[Matt Bays · Rating 5 out of 5]

The problem I’ve encountered with books on grief is finding an author who has discovered the delicate balance between teaching & modeling. “End of the Hour” is a trauma therapist’s story of love, loss, and redemption that doesn’t minimize or circumvent our greatest losses in life. It is less a guide book (although there is much wisdom here) and more a companion book from someone who has real-lived experience managing and sifting through grief and trauma. That said, Jarvis isn’t writing from the cheap seats. She has serious skin in the game.

What I came to appreciate most was Jarvis’ sense of humor. The symmetry between honoring her pain while showing us what victory amidst heartbreak looks like is not only masterfully written, but wholly accessible. Nothing is forced here; she never makes light of the grieving process.

Honest. Vulnerable. Intelligent. RARE. “End of the Hour” isn’t comfortable to simply tell you how to move through grief. With hard-won wisdom, Jarvis SHOWS you how.

[Kari Heggen (checkedoutbooks) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I went into this hoping for something similar to Maybe You Should Talk to Someone but instead got something so far away from that I didn't really know what I was reading. Yes this person is a therapist and knows some techniques for dealing with trauma but 99% of the book had nothing to do with being a therapist which also made the book title an odd choice. Jarvis tries to describe her childhood trauma which she didn't do all that well, it felt distanced to the point where I didn't understand how it affected her as she described and then goes into the extremely intense grief she has after losing both her parents within 2 years. That is a devastating loss but her descriptions of having to take 6 months off work followed by a 3 week stay in an in-patient mental rehabilitation facility felt over-the-top. There just wasn't much I really connected with here even having some similar experiences with life events or my own trauma I'm working through

[Cindy Ramos · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this book but it left me questioning my empathy and compassion. I did not understand what made this lady’s childhood so traumatic that she required extensive and expensive treatment. Everyone’s parents eventually pass, right? As a woman I wanted her to be stronger for herself, her family and her clients.

[Sheila Nugent · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so lucky to read an advance copy of The End of The Hour ! This book touched my heart, I sat holding hands with my own grief while reading the author’s experience with traumatic loss.

Reading this memoir gave me insight into loss, amplified my empathy for others who experience loss and reminded me to be kind to myself. At the end of the hour, helped me verbalize many of my own experiences and seek out assistance to support my own healing journey.

Thank you Meghan for opening your life and heart to help all of us deal with traumas and grief. This book was a gift, I recommend your work to anyone living through loss.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished the book. I am still trying to gather my thoughts about it. The book is honest and deep.

Meghan Riordan Jarvis, a trauma therapist, bravely shares her journey about grief with raw honesty. Even though it's heavy, it reminds us we're not alone in our struggles. The author's willingness to share such a heavy subject reflects immense courage. I am so glad I had the opportunity to read this book.

Thank you Zibby Books and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

I struggled to connect with this book because I couldn’t find that the author had experienced any real trauma any different than This Thing We Call Life. Thus her entire re-telling of checking herself into a facility for trauma survivors was lost on me. Losing parents isn’t easy. She was in her 40s and her parents were elderly. Soooo??

[Sara Kaner · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t want to shit on anyone’s lived experience, but this was whiny and I learned no lessons from it 🥲

[Cynthia · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a personal experience, this was beautifully conveyed, and it *could* be helpful to those who’ve endured similar loss and trauma. I did not lose both of my parents as closely together as Meghan Riordan Jarvis did, but I can relate to the experience of losing them, as well as the way grief and guilt can merge so violently.

Meghan, as a trauma therapist herself, (re)introduces fellow survivors to a host of therapeutic terms and techniques that may be useful to their own personal healing.

However, I wonder how many of us out there will truly relate to Meghan’s therapeutic experience. She briefly mentioned the wealth involved in the treatment facility she went to, but I don’t recall her specifically recognizing her own privilege. It doesn’t make her less worthy of care. I want to be very clear on that. I am glad she was able to receive the help she needed, but I also wonder if this book could be harmful to readers who will never have such support at their fingertips. I found it brought up a lot of things for me when considering my own traumatic past, with long term and repetitive difficulties that greatly affected my mental well being and physical health. I did not receive the level of care she did, nor did I have access to it. While I did receive treatment for depression and an eating disorder as a teen, the facility was nothing like what Meghan described in her book. Although it had some positive aspects, there was actually a lot of toxicity within that care. It was not the loving, encouraging environment she described, and I suspect many who are able to access treatment are not likely to have as positive of an experience as she did. Most of my own ongoing trauma was met with minimal to no support, and I believe many other survivors have endured the same. That’s not to say there aren’t great options out there, but we don’t always have the resources to access them.

This is Meghan’s story, and she has every right to tell it, but when considering her occupation, I wondered if she recognized that her experiences involving personal trauma work were not relatable experiences for many trauma survivors. I can easily imagine other readers who have felt isolated in their pain wondering why they were denied such an extravagant path to wellness. I know it probed at me. I tried to remain aware of what it was triggering, and I tried to not let it cloud my lens, but I think it would be unfair for me to write this review without warning my fellow memoir consumers who’ve endured trauma. Meghan’s journey deserves compassion, and we can celebrate her road to her recovery, but it may also hurt to recognize that this type of journey is barely attainable for most of us.

I am immensely grateful to Libro.fm, Zibby Books, and Meghan Riordan Jarvis for my copy. All opinions are my own.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the vulnerability and honesty of a trauma therapist who gets pulled under by her own trauma and compound losses. Grief has sucked Meghan under and witnessing her struggles provided insight into how even someone trained in coping mechanisms sometimes can’t help herself out of the consequences of profound loss on top of childhood trauma.

I have a difficult time rating memoirs because regardless of my reading experience, I want to honor and acknowledge the author’s journey and who am I to rate the telling of their story? However my one criticism is the transitions felt sometimes jarring which took me out of the story. I am hoping this was improved in the final version of this book.

[Stephanie Affinito · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an emotionally powerful and first-hand look at trauma, loss and the devastation it can cause. What happens when the therapist healing the trauma of others experiences devastating trauma herself? That’s what we learn in this unflinchingly honest memoir. Meghan Riordan Jarvis invites us into her childhood, her journey into adulthood and her experiences with trauma and loss that impacted her daily living. We see the effects of her early experiences, the hard journey she took to overcome them, the series of losses that broke her heart and her unrelenting spirit to keep pushing through. Part memoir, part personal development, I felt intricately connected to Megan’s story and equally inspired to try the various techniques she describes throughout the book to make my own life better, too. This was an incredibly moving book.

[Bonnie Goldberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Happy Pub Day to this evocative memoir.

There are two audiences for End of the Hour: those who have suffered a trauma; and those who have not but who care about people who have. I fall into the latter camp. Riordan Jarvis writes beautifully about her losses and about the trauma informed practice she developed, and then ultimately the tools and therapeutic approaches she needed to regain her equilibrium. I found the book informative and moving; others may find it comforting and reassuring. Highly recommended for readers of memoirs, and for those seeking to understand the impact of trauma and how to help either oneself or others. Thank you Zibby Books and NetGalley for the ARC.

[Michelle Taczala Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is brilliant and beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. An inspiration to those of us who are therapists and anxious humans who holds trauma of our own. ♥️

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very detailed description of how the author dealt with her grief over losing her parents. On top of her childhood trauma. She has a soothing voice in the telling of her story.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The very real, very raw memoir of what happens when the trauma therapist becomes the patient. This one is a heavy hitter. I felt like I was right there with Meghan experiencing her grief, her agony, her heartbreak and finally, her triumph. An incredible work.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful, honest account of a woman processing the loss of her mother and finding herself in the process.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story of a woman’s journey through grief and the ways that her training as a therapist intersected that journey was interesting and thought provoking. At times, the dichotomy between the parents that she described at the beginning of the book and her feelings about their deaths seemed unmatched, but I did find myself thinking and talking about this book to others, which is rhetorical mark of a good reading experience for me.

[Basic B's Guide · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this memoir on audio (7 hours narrated by the author). She is easy to listen to (also has a podcast and has given ted talks).

This really wasn't on my radar but thanks to LibroFM for the alc I decided to give it a go. Therapist stories are typically my jam.

What happens when a trauma therapist is traumatized by loss?

This didn't quite hit the spot like Maybe You Should Talk to Someone but it was a good reminder that we cannot do life alone. We can't always be the one helping others and I try to remind my friends of this too.

3.25 stars

[kbreads · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW WOW WOW.

So, "End of the Hour: A Therapist's Memoir" – let me just start with a chef's kiss for the prose in this gem. It's like someone turned the story into poetry. I was so sucked in that I basically ignored everything else in my life—no eating, no TV, not even my poor dog got her usual attention. That's how much I was vibing with this book.

This memoir is a ride through grief and loss, and damn, it's real. The author delves deep into all the messy emotions, laying it out there with no sugar-coating. The details are raw, the pain is deep, and the message about taking care of yourself hits you right in the feels.

And let me tell you, fully immersing into a book is a rare feat for me, but with "End of the Hour," I was all in. I felt the author's grief like it was my own. It's like they handed me a roadmap through this maze of emotions, and I was right there with them every step of the way.

Example: “I felt the inside of my tiny chest cavity detonate into a thousand bees. I did not yet understand I would become both the hive and the keeper of those bees for the rest of my life.” That hit me right in the gut. Such a poetic way to capture the lasting impact of grief. It stuck with me long after I closed the book.

Turns out, Riordan has a podcast. Who knew? Well, now I do, and you bet I'll be tuning in. If it's anything like this memoir, I'm in for some deep, soul-searching content.

"End of the Hour" isn't just a memoir; it's a friend in the journey of life. It gets you, it makes you feel, and it leaves a mark. Riordan's words are like a warm hug, guiding you through the messy, beautiful experience of being human. It's a book that becomes a part of you, and damn, it's worth every page.

It's early but this may be my favorite book of 2024. I left this book with one of my favorite quotes in it: “I will miss you for the rest of my life." READ IT.

[Candice · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. An easy, quick, interesting read, though the end wasn’t as compelling as earlier sections.

[Liz marx · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author was so vulnerable and real. I think she will educate everyone who reads this book about all the different ways trauma comes out in each individual. The reader also learns of the different therapies that can help.

[Amanda Renslow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an honest look at grief and vulnerability. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing Jarvis's perspective as a therapist, and it was so refreshing to know that even those with "all" the skills and tool struggle, too.

Thanks to Libro.fm and their ALC program for the free listen!

[Shelby · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I can acknowledge and appreciate the author's in-depth knowledge and intimate relationship with trauma as both a trauma therapist and a person living with trauma, I wasn't expecting how much I wouldn't be able to relate to her story. I know, I know; this is a memoir of her interpretation of her experience with trauma and the loss of her parents. At the same time, I suppose I was hoping for...well, hope. As someone who recently lost both her best friend and her dad very unexpectedly to heart attacks within a month of each other, I was sure that I would feel a greater connection with the author's words and experiences. Instead, I was left feeling like there is less hope for healing for me and others like me.

Throughout her book, the author details the many therapies and treatments she underwent in an effort to heal. While I'm happy for those who are fortunate enough to afford to take six months off from work and to go to a mental health treatment center and receive three weeks of intense, trauma-based therapy, that isn't a reality for most suffering from trauma. Even talk therapy with a counselor for an extended period of time isn't financially sustainable for me. While I know that these are only my own somewhat selfish expectations, I was really hoping for words and advice from the author that would feel accessible. Instead, this book left me feeling more lonely, helpless, and hopeless than I did before I read it; if a trauma therapist can't even grieve and heal without the privilege of months away from work and tens of thousands of dollars worth of therapy, treatment, and medication, what hope is there for someone like me who can't even afford health insurance, let alone taking any time off from my full-time job?

I hovered between giving this book 2 and 3 stars, but she is a good writer and I don't want to fault her for having money and privilege that I don't have. Maybe I want to give her book 2 stars out of jealousy; I wish so much that I could take some much-needed time away from my obligations to process the trauma that I feel settling into my mind and body. At the same time, I know there are more people who are in similar situations to mine than there are in hers. Without getting too political, both mental and physical healthcare in this country (USA) is abysmal, to say the least. Everyone should have the opportunity to heal properly from whatever they've been through. Unfortunately, that's not the case and this book only went so far as to underline the disparity for me of really what a privilege -- not a right or even an opportunity -- it is to receive proper healthcare.

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Meghan Riordan Jarvis is a trauma specialist, a psychotherapist, and above all, a human being who is as vulnerable as the patients she treats and all those who live and breathe amongst us in this world. Writing a memoir about her personal stint in a mental health inpatient facility took a lot of strength and bravery, and that needs to be appreciated. Not very many people would expose their flaws and pain in such a raw way.
I found Jarvis' memoir to be riveting, and I could not stop listening to the audiobook version. Her breakdown did not just happen out of the blue, in a vacuum, or for no apparent reason. Jarvis suffered multiple losses in a two year interval, and could not cope with anything else. Was she psychotic? No, not at all, nor was she ever a danger to herself, her family, or to society. At times I felt that her committing herself to the inpatient facility might have been overkill, but it was suggested by her own therapist, and Jarvis had even sent some of her own patients there. They all seemed like normal people to me, just dealing with some stressors that none of us escape in life if we live long enough.
When Meghan Jarvis was a child, a teenaged boy, a friend of Meghan's brother had died in a swimming accident. Mehgan never could get over that death and its ramifications even though she had not really known the boy very well. She carried pain and misplaced guilt for that death in hers. Years later, Meghan married a really wonderful man, one who stood by her, no matter what who understood her quirks and faults, and loved her despite these flaws. Thankfully, no matter how hard Meghan might have tried to push him away, he was there the longhair, til death do us part. When she started to question him, his love and devotion, I sensed her pain was rapidly getting out of control.
As an adult, Mehgan lost her father, just as she was coming to know and understand him. He had been there, in the sense that he was always married to her mother, but he was a distant father, rarely making her feel special, except for one time when he bought her her very own small, but expensive, Christmas tree. When he developed a serious small cell cancer, she was devastated, and his subsequent death was difficult for her. Of course, those of us who have lost parents have all had to deal with the agony of that loss, bu have to keep going, to continue to do our jobs, care for family, etc. It was 2 years later, when her mother died, quite suddenly, while vacationing with Meghan that Meghan began to spiral to a bad place. psychologically, and that was when her story really took off.
Meghan found herself having severe panic attacks, yelling at her kind husband, and feeling utterly lost and alone. Therapy sessions were not enough. When her therapist suggested she voluntarily admit herself to a mental health facility, she agreed she needed to be there. Would she have been able to turn things around from home? Personally. I think she could have, with continued therapy sessions, and the passage of time. Grief takes time to abate. Everyone's timeline is different, but her feeling lost and bereft in the months following her mother's death were not unusual or pathologically alarming, in my opinion. As someone with an undergrad degree in psychologically, I studied the grief created by loss, and I am someone who lost my father and brother and a marriage within a year, I think I can give a valid personal opinion. What was so interesting to me, and the main takeaway from the memoir for me, was when a therapist taught Meghan that 2 losses in the space of two years, when combined with childhood trauma, can lead to a breakdown. It is called CPTSD, chronic post traumatic stress disorder, and it develops when there is a major trauma early in life and then more than one loss in a close time period years later. In my cause, I had a very happy childhood, no trauma, no traumatic losses until adulthood, etc. which explains why, unlike the author, my terrible, close together losses, did not put me over the edge. Grieving, heartbroken, perpetually sad, yes, but I was able to keep going, to take care of my then only child who was a baby, and to come out on the other side of the pain and continue to function, finding joy again. Meghan, because of childhood trauma, could not do that, at least not as quickly as she had hoped. I think we need to allow ourselves a year to grieve, and then remember our lost loved ones with smiles for all they were and all they gave us. I see people who cannot do that, won't do that, and it saddens me. When my mother, who was my best friend, and one of the kindest humans ever to live, died, I was older, had three children, all still in school, so, once again, I had to function, but when I was aline during the day, the tears flowed. That is normal. We are supposed to feel deep sorrow. That is not a mental illness. It is when a person cannot ever get to the other side of that sorrow, like Meghan Jarvis could not, that help is desperately needed. In the end, Meghan knew she would be a more compassionate therapist, both with her patients and with herself. The book seemed to end abruptly. I wanted more. I wanted to know how she is doing now, how her children and husband coped while she was hospitalized. How did it affect the children, who were old enough to understand something was very wrong with their mother. The writing was clear and moved along at a good pace, and since the author was also the narrator for the audiobook, hearing her speak her truth in her own voice, it was compelling. I wanted to be moved to tears, and I never was. Perhaps I needed or expected her to be worse off than she was, not that I imagine a panic attack would be fun! Reading books like this, I am always grateful to have had a childhood filled with love, and parents who instilled confidence and self worth in me. Not every child gets that, and the lack thereof will show in their adult lives. It did for Meghan. Her mother loved her, but they were never deeply connected and her mother was not abundant with praise, nor effusive with words of love. Still, her loss was unexpected, and profoundly painful to her daughter. This memoir is a tribute to familial love, no matter the shape it takes in a person's life, and it is informative, in a fairly simplistic way, for anyone who is interested in trauma and psychology.