Guide to Pirate Parenting: Why You Should Raise Your Kids As Pirates and 101 Tips on How to Do It

by Tim Bete

If you're like most parents, you long to raise your children as pirates but just don't know how. In "Guide to Pirate Parenting," Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall provides everything you need to know to turn your little powder monkeys into happy, healthy buccaneers. In Guide to Pirate Parenting you'll . Ten benefits of raising a pirate . At what age your child should be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket as an opener . Which offense requires administering The Flying Dutchman Wedgie . How to prevent sogging the quartermaster . The best place to maroon your disobedient child . How to remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child's hair . The difference between plundering and pillaging . How to convert your minivan into a pirate schooner . When to smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar Each information-packed section ends with "Your pirate's progress," a short quiz that shows whether your child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones.

Genres: Parenting, Humor, Pirates

123 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2007

About the author

Tim Bete is a Discalced Carmelite Secular and a member of the Community of Our Mother of Good Counsel in Beavercreek, Ohio, where he has served as a Formator, on Council, and as President. His writing has appeared in media outlets and anthologies, including Amazing Grace for the Catholic Heart, Catholic Philly, Catholic Exchange, Integrated Catholic Life, Presence: A Journal of Catholic Poetry, Apostolate of the Little Flower magazine, and The Carmel Clarion. He served on the faculty at the Catholic Imagination Conference and appears on the Carmelite Conversations Podcast, which he also helps produce. Tim has published five books, including Called to Carmel, Called to Community; The Raw Stillness of Heaven; and Wanderings of an Ordinary Pilgrim.

Reviews

[Rick · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm all in favor of reading silly, funny books, but this one is really stupid. Parts aren't even clever. For example, the author compares the ninja lifestyle to the pirate lifestyle in the following way: "Ninjas live a solitary lifestyle. Pirates live with a great bunch of other pirates." Well, isn't that observation a knee-slapper? Amazingly, this brief book won the 2009 Parent to Parent Adding Wisdom Award for Humor. I shudder to think what the competition for that award was like that year.

[Chris Brogan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got a great kick out of this book. Part funny, part "you know, he has a point there," Tim Bete brought a really decent chuckle and snort out of me a few times with this very slender book. A few times, the piratey stuff gets pushed a little too far, but overall, it comes off as funny and not cheesy.

I'm keeping my powder dry, and I think this book is a must for parents.

[Aaron Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Silly book - but I would like a book that REALLY teaches me how to raise me childrens as Pirates of the Sea!

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

love this book!!! wish I could have had it when the kids were younger!!!

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is hysterical.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had expected this book to be completely fluff -- and it almost is, but not quite. Peppered throughout this piratical parody are a plethora of pertinent parenting tips which, if you remove the words "pirate" and "prisoner" and replace them with "child" and "sibling," might actually be useful and applicable in the average household. Of course, given that the book is first and foremost a parody of other parenting advice books, readers may wish to take with a grain of salt (cod) any advice they do encounter. Remember, pirates aren't know for their forthrightness.

My favorite chapter is the one entitled "Your Pirate's First Ship -- How to Convert Your Minivan into a Pirate Schooner." The book also contains the best pronoun disclaimer ever. Overall, a cute, quirky book, and a quick read. I don't know if I would go so far as to call it a must-read for every potential pirate parent, but for anyone raising little ones it certainly has some poignancy. Arrrr, matey!

[Angie S · Rating 3 out of 5]

My husband is totally excited about the possibility of transforming our minivan into a pirate vessel. He is using Captain's reverse psychology methods on me, and I have to admit they are working. My little pirates love all the new techniques and marooning them to the produce section at the grocery store has done wonders! Thank you Captain!

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a cute but very superficial take on how to raise your children as pirates. There are a few parenting tips, and some amusing descriptions of pirate-related activities such as converting the family minivan into a pirate vessel.

[aaron · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is an interesting read by tim bete...a comedy with some honestly good tidbits thrown in for good measure. i don't know that anything else really needs to be said for this...the title kind of says it all! enjoy.

[Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fun read. Not very realistic, but some good / goofy parenting points were made, the main one being don't make it more complicated than it is.

[Ali · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meant to be funny but ended up being annoying. Quite a good idea but not enough to support a whole book. Nothing practical and I don't have time to waste.

[Rachael · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think it was supposed to be funny...
It wasn't.