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Finding Your Own North Star: claiming the life you were meant to live
Put the telescope away; the North Star mentioned here is a human body, not a heavenly one. And like Polaris, which has guided sailors for centuries, the human body's gut feelings and emotions can help guide a wayward soul back to his or her "essential self." In this absorbing combination of detailed self-awareness exercises and true stories from her own counseling experience (equal parts sobering and hysterically entertaining), Harvard-trained sociologist Martha Beck invites readers to explore their heart's desires and the vast social webs that keep such desires in check. The goal is not to forsake the "social self" and indulge every emotional impulse of the "essential self." Rather, Beck gives readers the tools and the encouragement to achieve maximum happiness by harmonizing these typically divergent voices. Beck (author of Expecting Adam) admits that repairing a damaged emotional compass and setting out on such a vital journey--which often involves painful realizations and changes--"has all the combined attractions of suicide and childbirth." But the payoff, she concludes, is a love affair with real life. To that end, she walks readers through a lengthy exercise to evaluate their current lifestyle's pleasures and pains, teaches the process of listening to the body for directional cues, describes how to extract "soul shrapnel" (healing all those nasty, self-defeating emotional wounds), and provides an intriguing "Map of Change" to achieve an authentic life. Beck's impressive knowledge, her engaging (if somewhat irreverent) voice, and her ability to parse this scary process into achievable steps make her a new champion in the self-help arena. --Liane Thomas
Hardcover
First published January 1, 1997
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About the author
Martha N. Beck
22 books1,318 followersDr. Martha Beck, PhD, is a New York Times bestselling author, coach, and speaker. She holds three Harvard degrees in social science, and Oprah Winfrey has called her “one of the smartest women I know.” Martha is a passionate and engaging teacher, known for her unique combination of science, humor, and spirituality.
Her recent book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller and an Oprah’s Book Club selection. Her latest book, Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose is out now.
Her recent book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller and an Oprah’s Book Club selection. Her latest book, Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose is out now.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 449 reviews
June 13, 2016
I found some of the strategies of this book helpful. I was turned onto it by a search that spiraled out of an issue of Spirituality & Health magazine about using intuition to pilot your own internal compass (or north star). This book was not the one referenced, but I got it anyway. Generally, I find everythingeverythingeverything boils down to mindfulness and meditation...
Anyway, Beck has some good ideas, but she is woefully privileged and blissfully unaware of her privileged stance. She writes like everyone in the world has the luxury of an ivy-league education, a well-paying job, and the ability to make self-selecting choices without impacting the overall well-being of one's family. There are several instances where her privilege is clearly lost on her, but the one that immediately springs to mind is this idea she offers that you must spend 1-2 hours a day in solitude mourning or contemplating your transitional state in some kind of privacy...like everyone has the luxury of family-care, private spaces, or time to devote to such a practice without interruption.
She also suggests (as part of her first exercise) that you call up your worst possible memory--something deeply traumatic--and "not to worry; she'll bring you back out of it." Note to anyone with PTSD--she is NOT a trained psychotherapist or psychiatrist (her degrees are in management), and her technique may NOT bring you "out of it." She wants you to go so deep into your traumatic memory that you can trigger the sensory details from the event. Having worked in rape crisis with survivors of such trauma, I can tell you this is NOT a good choice to exact on your readers without trigger support, wraparound resources, therapy, or at least someone trained to sincerely help the reader/listener deal with the aftermath of such an exercise. This part of her book actually made me quite angry. I found it incredibly negligent.
Anyway, Beck has some good ideas, but she is woefully privileged and blissfully unaware of her privileged stance. She writes like everyone in the world has the luxury of an ivy-league education, a well-paying job, and the ability to make self-selecting choices without impacting the overall well-being of one's family. There are several instances where her privilege is clearly lost on her, but the one that immediately springs to mind is this idea she offers that you must spend 1-2 hours a day in solitude mourning or contemplating your transitional state in some kind of privacy...like everyone has the luxury of family-care, private spaces, or time to devote to such a practice without interruption.
She also suggests (as part of her first exercise) that you call up your worst possible memory--something deeply traumatic--and "not to worry; she'll bring you back out of it." Note to anyone with PTSD--she is NOT a trained psychotherapist or psychiatrist (her degrees are in management), and her technique may NOT bring you "out of it." She wants you to go so deep into your traumatic memory that you can trigger the sensory details from the event. Having worked in rape crisis with survivors of such trauma, I can tell you this is NOT a good choice to exact on your readers without trigger support, wraparound resources, therapy, or at least someone trained to sincerely help the reader/listener deal with the aftermath of such an exercise. This part of her book actually made me quite angry. I found it incredibly negligent.
August 6, 2007
This book is amazing!
I started reading this book because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happier in my life. This book offers simple exercises and steps to figure out your best direction. There's nothing earth shattering in here, but the way Martha Beck has written the book makes the information very easy to digest and use.
A few months after I first read this book I was hospitalized with a life-threatening condition and that, combined with the soul searching I'd done in connection with reading this book helped me to completely change my life. A month later I moved closer to family, met the man who is now my wonderful husband and set the wheels in motion to return to school, follow a different career path and slowly makeover my life!
Don't expect the messages in this book to overhaul your whole way of life, but rather, expect it to motivate you to figure out what you need to do to be happier and more fulfilled.
I started reading this book because I couldn't figure out why I wasn't happier in my life. This book offers simple exercises and steps to figure out your best direction. There's nothing earth shattering in here, but the way Martha Beck has written the book makes the information very easy to digest and use.
A few months after I first read this book I was hospitalized with a life-threatening condition and that, combined with the soul searching I'd done in connection with reading this book helped me to completely change my life. A month later I moved closer to family, met the man who is now my wonderful husband and set the wheels in motion to return to school, follow a different career path and slowly makeover my life!
Don't expect the messages in this book to overhaul your whole way of life, but rather, expect it to motivate you to figure out what you need to do to be happier and more fulfilled.
August 10, 2013
Thaaat's right! Five stars, jokers! I read this thing so dang slowly but it's because every page made me have so many THOUGHTS and also a few FEELINGS (but mostly THOUGHTS).
Important points:
1. This book will be most useful to you if you feel a little lost, unsatisfied, or discontented. If you're banging along, being awesome and joyful all the time, that is great. Write a book and I will read it or possibly throw it at you. But you should read this one anyway, because it will be useful when you are thrown a curve ball.
2. Martha Beck is a talented writer, among other things, and does us a solid by being entertaining throughout.
3. I will probably read this again sometime in my life, and that is saying something. It is ALMOST as useful as Dale Carnegie but like...in your dealings with yourself, not with others.
Anyway, just get it and read it and thank me later.
Important points:
1. This book will be most useful to you if you feel a little lost, unsatisfied, or discontented. If you're banging along, being awesome and joyful all the time, that is great. Write a book and I will read it or possibly throw it at you. But you should read this one anyway, because it will be useful when you are thrown a curve ball.
2. Martha Beck is a talented writer, among other things, and does us a solid by being entertaining throughout.
3. I will probably read this again sometime in my life, and that is saying something. It is ALMOST as useful as Dale Carnegie but like...in your dealings with yourself, not with others.
Anyway, just get it and read it and thank me later.
April 10, 2019
I would skip Chapters 1-4. The introduction is slow. The metaphor of finding your north star is obvious. It isn't necessary to go into an explanation about Stella Polaris and how sailors find their way home by locating the North Star. Also, some of the stories might turn off readers. The author talks about clients who have quit their soul-crushing jobs and are expressing their authentic selves and enjoying a richer, fuller life. Most people can't afford to hire a therapist to guide them and can't afford to quit their jobs to test out options that might bring them greater fulfillment. When the author gets into the actions, the content is more useful and the stories are more relatable.
May 18, 2013
I have this book 2 stars because I started out liking it, and I did make it 240 pages in. It was after the chapter on trusting your intuition that I stopped- I'm all for learning to trust my gut, but a bunch of how-tos on how to get in touch with my psychic side evidentially wasn't what I was in the mood for.
I really want to find my passion in life. But I don't think I'm going to search and search and then realize "oh, duh, I've been woodworking all along- THAT'S my passion that I should turn into a career!"
Beck has a lot of good ideas (which I read in the first few chapters). Things like taking note of what activities you get lost in ("hot track activities"), identifying the "everybody" whose judgement you (personally) are afraid of, and really getting to know what you DON'T like and what sucks the life out of you. All if that was awesome, even though I got a little tired of carrying around paper and a pen with my book for all the exercises. I ended up missing those later on when she just drones on and on.
I really want to find my passion in life. But I don't think I'm going to search and search and then realize "oh, duh, I've been woodworking all along- THAT'S my passion that I should turn into a career!"
Beck has a lot of good ideas (which I read in the first few chapters). Things like taking note of what activities you get lost in ("hot track activities"), identifying the "everybody" whose judgement you (personally) are afraid of, and really getting to know what you DON'T like and what sucks the life out of you. All if that was awesome, even though I got a little tired of carrying around paper and a pen with my book for all the exercises. I ended up missing those later on when she just drones on and on.
January 18, 2014
This book saved my life. I’m only slightly exaggerating when I say that. I was deep in the grip of depression when my onii-san, David, let me borrow his copy of "Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live" by Martha Beck. I was in pain, confused, and trying desperately to claw my way out of a hole I had only recently realized I was in. I needed to make sense of what was happening to me, why I was so unhappy, and what to do about it. Listening to other people doesn’t help me much because I often find it hard to relate to someone else’s thought processes. But books…a book I can read. A book I can understand and apply to my own life and experiences. And "Finding You Own North Star" helped me do just that.
"Finding Your Own North Star" helps you make sense of your life and find sources of unhappiness and happiness around you through self-examination and gentle suggestions. Exercises are present throughout the book to help you along. Most of all, "North Star" tells you to listen to your own body. Too often we override our emotions, our instincts, our gut reactions in favor of cold, hard logic or doing what we have to do, regardless of the damage it may cause us. We each have an internal north star, a sensation that tells us when we are getting close to something that is good for us, and the deep-set sickness that comes when we are on a course counter to our inner star. Since I’ve been trained to delay or deny my own needs in favor of the needs of others, I’m still working on sorting out and pinpointing these feelings. But at least I pay much more attention to my body and reactions to people, situations, and choices in my life. If I’m aware of what’s making me happy or unhappy, I can take steps to change my external life to more closely match what Martha Beck calls, my “essential self.” If you suffer from depression, unhappiness, or dissatisfaction with your life, I highly recommend this book.
"Finding Your Own North Star" helps you make sense of your life and find sources of unhappiness and happiness around you through self-examination and gentle suggestions. Exercises are present throughout the book to help you along. Most of all, "North Star" tells you to listen to your own body. Too often we override our emotions, our instincts, our gut reactions in favor of cold, hard logic or doing what we have to do, regardless of the damage it may cause us. We each have an internal north star, a sensation that tells us when we are getting close to something that is good for us, and the deep-set sickness that comes when we are on a course counter to our inner star. Since I’ve been trained to delay or deny my own needs in favor of the needs of others, I’m still working on sorting out and pinpointing these feelings. But at least I pay much more attention to my body and reactions to people, situations, and choices in my life. If I’m aware of what’s making me happy or unhappy, I can take steps to change my external life to more closely match what Martha Beck calls, my “essential self.” If you suffer from depression, unhappiness, or dissatisfaction with your life, I highly recommend this book.
June 17, 2009
This book pleasantly surprised me. It was recommended on http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com, one of the blogs I like, but I was afraid it was going to be formless and non-specific. To the contrary, Ms. Beck is highly pragmatic and the book is focused on concrete steps you can take to make real changes in your life and try to ensure they are the right changes for you.
Also, Martha blew me away with her intelligence and wit on every page.
I have to deduct one star because I get the feeling that for this method to work, you really need to be in the same room with a life coach, rather than tackling this stuff as a self-study exercise.
And I deduct another star because she seriously suggests that one of your reliable guides (compasses, as she calls them) for finding your true path will be the psychic readings you pick up, if only you tune in to them. She claims that psychic ability is distributed in the population “much like athletic or musical talent,” and that you should practice reading minds and telling the future. She devotes an entire chapter to this, and I only kept reading because it was like driving past a car accident.
I probably would award five stars to the first couple of chapters and the final five. There is plenty of food for thought in the book, and it gets high marks for readability, but you will need to pick and choose as you make your way through.
Also, Martha blew me away with her intelligence and wit on every page.
I have to deduct one star because I get the feeling that for this method to work, you really need to be in the same room with a life coach, rather than tackling this stuff as a self-study exercise.
And I deduct another star because she seriously suggests that one of your reliable guides (compasses, as she calls them) for finding your true path will be the psychic readings you pick up, if only you tune in to them. She claims that psychic ability is distributed in the population “much like athletic or musical talent,” and that you should practice reading minds and telling the future. She devotes an entire chapter to this, and I only kept reading because it was like driving past a car accident.
I probably would award five stars to the first couple of chapters and the final five. There is plenty of food for thought in the book, and it gets high marks for readability, but you will need to pick and choose as you make your way through.
June 26, 2025
As a big fan of Martha Beck, I was considering completing her life coach training certification. This is the first book of recommended reading when preparing for the course. It's a good thing I read the book because I have now talked myself out of going forward with the (expensive) training. It took me almost a year to get through this book, if that is any indication of a review! I love Beck's short articles in Oprah magazine and appreciate her wit, intelligence, and clever, entertaining writing style. Still, I found this book to be cumbersome, a bit redundant and not really life changing. In fact I had to force myself to pick it up and finish it. Perhaps that is not a fault of the book but it is because I read Rhonda Britten's "Fearless Living" almost 10 years ago and found that to be life changing. This could then be more of the same as it relates to my life.
October 16, 2016
Such a mixed bag. There is a lot of good info in here, mixed with some things about ESP and psychic abilities that don't seem to have anything to do with the rest of the book. I was annoyed by the author's privilege, assuming that everyone has a quiet, calm place where they can be alone for at least an hour a day to do these exercises.
So, if there was so much I didn't like, why three stars? The sections that start with the change cycle are valuable. Really, really good information with practical tips. I think I will check out some of her other books to see if there is similar information offered without all the extraneous fluff so I can feel good recommending them to others who will find it useful.
So, if there was so much I didn't like, why three stars? The sections that start with the change cycle are valuable. Really, really good information with practical tips. I think I will check out some of her other books to see if there is similar information offered without all the extraneous fluff so I can feel good recommending them to others who will find it useful.
October 18, 2010
Sociologist and life coach Martha Beck, PhD, presents some fascinating information on finding out your life purpose.
Beck's premise is that our "social self," the face we present to the world, that does the things Everybody (some generalized other) tells us to do in order to succeed, takes us too far away from our "essential self," the one that knows what things really make us shine from within.
Recognizing that self-improvement is hard work, and can bring up some painful issues, Beck talks about what she calls "turtle steps" toward returning to one's essential self. What that means varies from person to person, of course ... but the premises apply across the board.
Highly recommended for those who are trying to figure out where they are going in life, and want to get back to the joy that they once knew.
Beck's premise is that our "social self," the face we present to the world, that does the things Everybody (some generalized other) tells us to do in order to succeed, takes us too far away from our "essential self," the one that knows what things really make us shine from within.
Recognizing that self-improvement is hard work, and can bring up some painful issues, Beck talks about what she calls "turtle steps" toward returning to one's essential self. What that means varies from person to person, of course ... but the premises apply across the board.
Highly recommended for those who are trying to figure out where they are going in life, and want to get back to the joy that they once knew.
November 14, 2015
The looks so much like the kind of self-help book that you are going to hate yourself for reading. The kind you will hide away so that nobody sees you with it. And the title simply doesn't help with that impression.
Yeah, well, get over it. Read the book, do the exercises (as in actually do them, don't just 'sort of' do them), seriously, do the exercises!
You may well get annoyed with the book, and/or yourself, more than once whilst working you way through the book (I did). Yet overall, I did end up learning more about myself. That is more than most self-help books will help you with.
Yeah, well, get over it. Read the book, do the exercises (as in actually do them, don't just 'sort of' do them), seriously, do the exercises!
You may well get annoyed with the book, and/or yourself, more than once whilst working you way through the book (I did). Yet overall, I did end up learning more about myself. That is more than most self-help books will help you with.
October 27, 2016
I can't say that's I've found my North Star from reading this book but there was a LOT of useful and helpful information in there. The section on grieving is currently helping me through a hard time. The last section is the cycle of change and it breaks change down into four sections and then describes what is generally happening during each phase. I've never read something like that in the other books I've read. That part alone makes the whole book worth it.
June 26, 2009
I am starting to learn more about my essential self (it's slowly coming out from my social self!)
This is a GREAT book! I really like her approach in discovering yourself. You have two selves: the essential self (who you really are inside) and the social self (who society expect you to be). As we grow older our social self becomes so dominant, that we need to do a lot of "surgery" to find our essential self.
I liked the last third of the book, where she discusses the change cycle. Change follows a predictable course. There are 4 phases that we must go through in response to a catalytic change. Problems arise when we try to skip one or more phases before our essential self is ready. Just reading this was extremely helpful for me to cope and accept my own response to change.
Throughout the book she has exercises, which were helpful to me. Also, I'm glad her approach is NOT New Agey or positive thinking. I think she's right. Your body and your mind will tell you when you are going against the direction of your "North Star" It was helpful to be aware - a stiff neck or increase in blood pressure may indicate something out of whack in your life.
In addition, this book is helpful for me to understand others. Instead of saying to a hurting friend "This too shall pass... you'll figure it out" I can be more sensitive to which stage of the change cycle they are in.
This is a GREAT book! I really like her approach in discovering yourself. You have two selves: the essential self (who you really are inside) and the social self (who society expect you to be). As we grow older our social self becomes so dominant, that we need to do a lot of "surgery" to find our essential self.
I liked the last third of the book, where she discusses the change cycle. Change follows a predictable course. There are 4 phases that we must go through in response to a catalytic change. Problems arise when we try to skip one or more phases before our essential self is ready. Just reading this was extremely helpful for me to cope and accept my own response to change.
Throughout the book she has exercises, which were helpful to me. Also, I'm glad her approach is NOT New Agey or positive thinking. I think she's right. Your body and your mind will tell you when you are going against the direction of your "North Star" It was helpful to be aware - a stiff neck or increase in blood pressure may indicate something out of whack in your life.
In addition, this book is helpful for me to understand others. Instead of saying to a hurting friend "This too shall pass... you'll figure it out" I can be more sensitive to which stage of the change cycle they are in.
August 27, 2008
This book is inspiring, funny, and overall has been wonderful for me. Great for those that are somewhat restless or unhappy with their current path and wondering about their life's direction.
February 6, 2016
I really like self-help books in general, and I have gleaned at least a small amount of wisdom and useful advice from every one I have read. I think Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life Your were Meant to Live merits all five stars I am giving it because of its straightforward, honest, and usable advice and its sheer readability. I always enjoy Martha Beck—her books and her monthly column in O magazine. Beck is wise, funny and has a no-holds-barred writing style that really speaks to me. She has been through enough major lifestyle upheavals herself for her readers to see first-hand that it is possible to go through tumultuous times, and not only to land on one’s feet, but also to recognize and chart a new course for optimal satisfaction, inner peace and happiness. “Identifying your own North Star is a deep psychological and spiritual art,” Beck says. “Actually getting there is more like following a recipe: Find the following ingredients, put them together in this order, heat them to this temperature, wait of this length of time, and so on” (307) Her narrative contains numerous case histories of individuals whom she has known who have found their own true path after many different kinds of snafus and wrong turns. In typical Beck style, she also includes a lot of charts and exercises for readers to follow to be able to tune in to one’s essential self, interests and intended direction. I especially liked her concept of asking the personnel of companies, schools, etc., if you can sit down for “short information interviews” as a way of scouting out new jobs and careers. “. . . . .informational interviewing is one of the best ways to make folks want to hire you, befriend, you or move in with you. It’s way more effective than asking for these things directly” (311). Beck’s last four chapters lead readers through a “map of change” involving four squares. Square 1 (Chapter 12) examples Death and Rebirth with its mantra: “I don’t’ know what the hell is going on and that’s okay (278). Square 2: (Chapter 13) Dreaming and Scheming; mantra: “There are no rules, and that’s okay” (296). Square 3: (Chapter 14): The Hero’s Saga; mantra: “This is much worse than I expected and that’s okay: (332); and Square 4: (Chapter 15) The Promised Land; mantra;”Everything is changing and that’s okay” (362). In short, Beck assures us that chaos is a normal and even desirable part of meaningful change in life, and only those who can brave the craziness for a while see themselves through to one’s true and rewarding path. She also advises us all to become an encyclopedia and a whirlwind of information while we are each researching the path we truly wish to take (312). She warns, “When your plan begins to operate the way God intended, you’ll go through a period of working harder than ever” (335). But she also assures that that regular “play breaks” are essential along the plan. “Playing improves your creativity and problem-solving skills, minimizes burnout, and maintains high-level performance” (337). This is a book to enjoy, highlight, mark up, and return to numerous times as we each seek a more rewarding path.
May 14, 2011
I bought this book a few years ago and scanned it at the time. For some reason I knew then wasn't the right time. Someone mentioned it so I picked it up again.[return][return]Here are some of my favorite passages:[return][return]...when you relax the thinking mind, the rule-bound, anxiety-ridden social self, you are not simply stopping everything. Taoists believe that there is an immense benevolent force flowing through all reality, and that each of us at least our essences are part of that force. Once you re aligned with this force (The Tao, or Way ), you re like a surfer on the perfect wave; you move forward with tremendous, power, but the only thing you have to do is go up when the water goes up, and down when the water goes down.[return][return]This may be my favorite all time quote:[return][return]Babies show up knowing the truth: Each of them is an utterly lovable, beautiful creature, with a unique mission in life and all the equipment necessary to fulfill that mission. If the people around them support and nourish their essential selves, their social selves never have to disengage from this reality to serve the social group. This can be true for anyone, even people who appear to have a lot going against them.[return][return][return]We talk about what people will think, well who ARE those people?[return][return][return]The social self will turn virtually anybody into a generalized other, given two conditions: exposure and repetition. This is how you got the Everybody you have today. At some point, you were exposed to conditions and people that sent a powerful message about you. Then this message was repeated over and over and over. Sometimes the repetition came from outside the self:& Whether or not this happened, at some point your own social self took on the job of repeating insults and discouragement.[return][return]& I say that just because your broken arm isn t as serious as someone else s gut wound, that doesn t mean your injury isn t excruciating or doesn t require attention. If you want to help the Indian children, or make the world a better place in any other way, you have start by becoming whole yourself.[return][return]People have a much harder time understanding your actions when you go back to school at forty-three because your mind is starving,[return][return]As long as a treat is scarce and forbidden, you re going to feel compulsive and greedy about it.[return]
July 27, 2012
So much of my work, as a teacher, is helping people to locate that drive inside of them that will lead them to their dreams. Sometimes people know for sure they want to work with children, and other times it's a more mysterious process of exploration. I'm glad to recommend this book for those times when there's a sense that more is possible but uncertainty about what, exactly, that possibility might mean. This is also a good book to revisit for those youth services librarians who have been working so hard on the frontlines that they've temporarily lost sight of how to connect the day-to-day to a larger sense of purpose. Later chapters have some of the best charts on transition that I've seen... and I've read some books on organizational transition! Personal or organizational, many of the metaphors for finding meaning remain the same.
November 8, 2007
I love Martha Beck so much! If you've ever wondered if you can make your life more fulfilling or wish you could embark on your dream project, Martha can inspire you to be your best. Full of writing exercises to give you concrete ideas and answers, this book is a must for anyone who wants more from their life.
December 10, 2007
Pretty insightful self-diagnosis book, full of useful if not slightly basic exercises designed to get one thinking about personal hang-ups (for lack of a more precise term). It's all about what's holding you back, or more accurately, why you're holding yourself back. I'd give it 4 stars, but I had a hard time focusing on myself for 400+ pages, so I graded it 3 stars.
May 12, 2015
While I found the exercises somewhat useful I was bothered by the over reliance on anecdote and lack of substantiated claims. Too often I found the solutions to be just cutting people or situations out of your life, which is not always possible (family, work, health).
December 13, 2014
A collection of essays, some very good. I enjoy her spunky voice.
January 28, 2016
The author's funny and entertaining sense of humor keeps the reader amused as well as engaged.
January 12, 2025
Fabulous. I was interested to read her life change cycle theory. Not disappointed in the least. Love her!
February 6, 2016
Yes, five stars. I SO wish I had this book in my hands when it was new, and not the dozen or more years later. It really takes you through all the stages a normal (and even abnormal) human being must go through to deal with all the crap and the obstacles that they own, whether thrust upon them or embraced and adopted like neurotic little pets. Having been through many of the stages - prolonged, in my case, for many - and learning by rote, hearsay, and osmosis the wisdom/testimony cobbled from myriad sources, I nodded my head and underlined and page-flagged my way through this book, for all the things that seemed most succinct. And so many of them are! Beck's sense of humour remains intact through the whole book!
The exercises I did were time well spent. How do I feel now? Refreshed and at the bottom of the barrel of things I needed to sort and discard, and enthusiastic creation and engagement has begun. Which is better than I can say for other ponderous thinkpieces I've read and exercised my way through, like The Power of Intention and What Colour is Your Parachute and some other professional/business navel-gazing books that I don't feel like mentioning. Really, if you're gonna look at anything like this for business, stick with Drucker.
So much self-help seems to cloud the issues when you finish the book. (So much of it is rehashing the same things from not-so-different angles.) Which is perhaps good if you've let the issues sediment and get coated with a hard pan of cynicism; then, mucking things up is what you really need to do and it's going to take some time. But if you're at the end of mucking things up, or in mid-muddle, or at the stage where "I want to get started already but I'm totally lost and blocked and it's pissing me off!" then this is the book for you.
Edited to add: there are two early chapters here on what your essential self likes and what it abhors. Pay attention. Within a scant month and definitely by two months after finishing this book, I fucked myself over real good by not listening to that voice. By about the same time the next year, I was back to this book to redo the exercises and deal with a new version of old wounds. The author knows what she's talking about.
The exercises I did were time well spent. How do I feel now? Refreshed and at the bottom of the barrel of things I needed to sort and discard, and enthusiastic creation and engagement has begun. Which is better than I can say for other ponderous thinkpieces I've read and exercised my way through, like The Power of Intention and What Colour is Your Parachute and some other professional/business navel-gazing books that I don't feel like mentioning. Really, if you're gonna look at anything like this for business, stick with Drucker.
So much self-help seems to cloud the issues when you finish the book. (So much of it is rehashing the same things from not-so-different angles.) Which is perhaps good if you've let the issues sediment and get coated with a hard pan of cynicism; then, mucking things up is what you really need to do and it's going to take some time. But if you're at the end of mucking things up, or in mid-muddle, or at the stage where "I want to get started already but I'm totally lost and blocked and it's pissing me off!" then this is the book for you.
Edited to add: there are two early chapters here on what your essential self likes and what it abhors. Pay attention. Within a scant month and definitely by two months after finishing this book, I fucked myself over real good by not listening to that voice. By about the same time the next year, I was back to this book to redo the exercises and deal with a new version of old wounds. The author knows what she's talking about.
February 27, 2020
Amazing. So insightful. If you're looking for some methods on how to design your life for yourself then this book is worth reading. Many exercises throughout and relatable examples brought the book home for me
May 30, 2015
I started reading this book right after getting my acceptance letter into an MSW graduate program that involves 18 months of intensive study along with an internship, followed by 3200 hours of supervised work before even getting a license. (Oh, and I'm 62 and no longer need to work!) I picked the book up as part of a final quest to see if I actually, really, truly wanted to do it. I guess it's a tribute to either the book or my own insanity that I have in fact decided to do it, and moreover I feel confident about it, thanks to the energy, wit, and practical instructions and tips offered in this book.
There is some ooey-wooey stuff in it (although not much), but hey, it's a self-help book. I can say that Martha Beck is first and foremost an accomplished academician, a Harvard PhD, and a renowned sociology professor whose own remarkable life is a testimony to what she offers as credible direction. I highly recommend this book if you are in a quandary about a major life decision, not so much to give you a clear-cut answer as to give you ways of exploring what's already in your own brain.
There is some ooey-wooey stuff in it (although not much), but hey, it's a self-help book. I can say that Martha Beck is first and foremost an accomplished academician, a Harvard PhD, and a renowned sociology professor whose own remarkable life is a testimony to what she offers as credible direction. I highly recommend this book if you are in a quandary about a major life decision, not so much to give you a clear-cut answer as to give you ways of exploring what's already in your own brain.
February 5, 2017
When I saw that my library had three of Martha Beck's books something in my gut told me to reserve all three and then read them in order. Since that's an odd impulse, I decided I'd merely give it a try, instead of making it a hard goal.
I have no idea why I had this impulse in the first place, other than that I like what Martha Beck says on social media and that she's not only a life coach, but Oprah's life coach. And yes, I find this more impressive than her multiple degrees from Harvard.
Since this book was published in 2002, before the big self-help explosion, I thought there wouldn't be much in here that I haven't read a dozen times on several other websites or in several other books. I was pleasantly surprised. She has a lot of unique information to contribute and I found some of it very helpful.
The only thing that makes the book feel dated is that she makes several pop culture references that clearly place the book in the early 2000's. Luckily, I'm plenty old enough to remember all of her references, so there was no confusion.
I have no idea why I had this impulse in the first place, other than that I like what Martha Beck says on social media and that she's not only a life coach, but Oprah's life coach. And yes, I find this more impressive than her multiple degrees from Harvard.
Since this book was published in 2002, before the big self-help explosion, I thought there wouldn't be much in here that I haven't read a dozen times on several other websites or in several other books. I was pleasantly surprised. She has a lot of unique information to contribute and I found some of it very helpful.
The only thing that makes the book feel dated is that she makes several pop culture references that clearly place the book in the early 2000's. Luckily, I'm plenty old enough to remember all of her references, so there was no confusion.
March 30, 2009
I was right in my decision to purchase this title. I knew if I used the library's copy, I would not do the exercises. And with this book there is no point in reading it without using the tests. The point of this is to work through the ideas for yourself.
Several years ago, I read Beck's book Expecting Adam. I found Beck to be a fascinating woman - too type A for me, but really articulate.
This book is very different from her memoir, but Beck's personality shines through this book. She is very positive and is convincing in her desire to help people obtain their best life.
Although I am not sure that Beck's ideas are exactly what I am looking for right now, I know this book would be helpful to anyone willing to work to find their real life. I will read this again and I know there are parts of this that I will incorporate into my life.
Several years ago, I read Beck's book Expecting Adam. I found Beck to be a fascinating woman - too type A for me, but really articulate.
This book is very different from her memoir, but Beck's personality shines through this book. She is very positive and is convincing in her desire to help people obtain their best life.
Although I am not sure that Beck's ideas are exactly what I am looking for right now, I know this book would be helpful to anyone willing to work to find their real life. I will read this again and I know there are parts of this that I will incorporate into my life.
April 10, 2010
While not for everyone, especially my friends with more religious sensibilities (I didn't make it to the psychic chapter), I still found the book confirming, practical, and helpful in discerning the color within the outlines of circumstances, relationships, and themes all our lives hold. I found the chapter about defining who "everyone" is and what "everyone" thinks about me as in, "Everyone expects me to be more strict with my kids," especially helpful in defining where I am being driven by fear and doubt instead of faith.
The book is around 400 pages long, with lots of places for writing and I got it at the library, so I only made it halfway through. A book I will choose to buy and keep on my shelf when I need some tangible exercises for the deeper work of finding truth in the inward parts.
The book is around 400 pages long, with lots of places for writing and I got it at the library, so I only made it halfway through. A book I will choose to buy and keep on my shelf when I need some tangible exercises for the deeper work of finding truth in the inward parts.
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