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Making Men: Five Steps to Growing Up
Most guys spend their entire lives looking for ways to prove their manhood. Some of their attempts are downright ridiculous. In a culture steeped in passivity and addiction, many women make horrific mistakes in the men they choose and pay dearly for it. But how does a guy learn how to be a good man? How does a woman learn to recognize him? What does manhood really look like? Chuck Holton, former Army Ranger, Adventurer and international war correspondent, has three men-in-training of his own. He also has two daughters who will need to be able to recognize a good man someday. Over a three-year period, Chuck made it his mission to nail down the facets of a fully-engaged, functional man by seeking out timeless wisdom of ancient cultures and the experience of dozens of mature men. The result is a five step curriculum that is already changing the lives of men and women around the world. It is being used by church groups, schools and even single mothers to help their sons to emulate - and daughters to identify - powerful, passionate, engaged manhood. Memorize it. Teach it to your sons and daughters. Apply its principles to your own life. The world desperately needs your help making men.
190 pages, Paperback
First published September 30, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
March 24, 2024
This book was a breath of fresh air to a young father. Fathering boys is a task that is incredibly hands-on, and, in that spirit, the author gives his counsel to young fathers seeking to raise a godly seed. For a father to truly be godly in his calling, he must not only train his boys to love the Lord, but he must also train them to be good men, husbands, and fathers. Rather than dumping empty platitudes on the reader's head, the author seeks to distill the father's training of his sons down to five key areas. These are as follows (with a bit of commentary):
1. Submit
Men are created by God to rule. This does not come without a cost. Before a man may rule (in the home, church, society), he must learn that 1. he must be worthy of the responsibility of rule, and 2. he must recognize that, though he must wield authority, he is always under authority. Before a man may rule, he must first submit. He must submit himself to God and those He has set in place to rule over him (pastors, magistrates, his father, etc.).
2. Honor
A man must be principled and set all things in their proper place and order. This is what honor truly means. He must not love his phone more than his kids, his leisure over his duty, his wife over God, etc. True honor is giving proper value to things, and a man must learn how to do this so he may not be a slave to his lusts or proclivities.
3. Assess and Improve
Vincit qui se vincit - He conquers who conquers himself. The mark of a Christian is not a one-time faith that we can lock away in the closet only to return to on the day of judgment. Rather, it is a life marked by faith, sanctification, and good works. For our sons to be godly men, we must teach them to pursue righteousness and not simply claim it (making a distinction between justification and sanctification here). This can only happen through careful self-assessment and discipline; therefore, assess your spiritual state and seek to improve.
4. Perish and Provide
Men are endowed with strength by their Creator. This is not strength for strength's sake. Men must exert strength for the good of those under their care. This can take many forms: working long hours when money is tight, shouldering the burdens of his wife and kids during grief and conflict, or sacrificing leisure to spiritually train the family. As fathers raise boys, they must teach them that their strength comes with a weight of responsibility: they are to die (sometimed literally) to self for the sake of their family.
5. Engage
Teaching boys to engage begins with a conversation about locus of control. Does the world happen to you? Or are you able to take ahold of yourself? This is fundamentally a conversation of active vs passive men. We must be active to set forth the first four points listed above. Don't wait for things to happen to you. First, pray, then go do something!
I read this book expecting to gain knowledge on raising my two boys, but that was not all that I gained: I was consistently rebuked and encouraged to apply these things to myself. After all, the most lousy teacher in the world is one who does not apply teachings to himself. Though this book may be about training boys to be men, do not limit it to that scope. As point 3 says, take this book, assess and improve in your own life. Thank the Lord if He has given you a godly father who has sought to teach you these things. Be faithful to your father and seek to apply them to yourself. Then, continue to pass it on to your children.
1. Submit
Men are created by God to rule. This does not come without a cost. Before a man may rule (in the home, church, society), he must learn that 1. he must be worthy of the responsibility of rule, and 2. he must recognize that, though he must wield authority, he is always under authority. Before a man may rule, he must first submit. He must submit himself to God and those He has set in place to rule over him (pastors, magistrates, his father, etc.).
2. Honor
A man must be principled and set all things in their proper place and order. This is what honor truly means. He must not love his phone more than his kids, his leisure over his duty, his wife over God, etc. True honor is giving proper value to things, and a man must learn how to do this so he may not be a slave to his lusts or proclivities.
3. Assess and Improve
Vincit qui se vincit - He conquers who conquers himself. The mark of a Christian is not a one-time faith that we can lock away in the closet only to return to on the day of judgment. Rather, it is a life marked by faith, sanctification, and good works. For our sons to be godly men, we must teach them to pursue righteousness and not simply claim it (making a distinction between justification and sanctification here). This can only happen through careful self-assessment and discipline; therefore, assess your spiritual state and seek to improve.
4. Perish and Provide
Men are endowed with strength by their Creator. This is not strength for strength's sake. Men must exert strength for the good of those under their care. This can take many forms: working long hours when money is tight, shouldering the burdens of his wife and kids during grief and conflict, or sacrificing leisure to spiritually train the family. As fathers raise boys, they must teach them that their strength comes with a weight of responsibility: they are to die (sometimed literally) to self for the sake of their family.
5. Engage
Teaching boys to engage begins with a conversation about locus of control. Does the world happen to you? Or are you able to take ahold of yourself? This is fundamentally a conversation of active vs passive men. We must be active to set forth the first four points listed above. Don't wait for things to happen to you. First, pray, then go do something!
I read this book expecting to gain knowledge on raising my two boys, but that was not all that I gained: I was consistently rebuked and encouraged to apply these things to myself. After all, the most lousy teacher in the world is one who does not apply teachings to himself. Though this book may be about training boys to be men, do not limit it to that scope. As point 3 says, take this book, assess and improve in your own life. Thank the Lord if He has given you a godly father who has sought to teach you these things. Be faithful to your father and seek to apply them to yourself. Then, continue to pass it on to your children.
July 26, 2016
I really dig this book. Holton's premise is that so much of what we consider "manliness" is just males searching for a way to tell the world that he's a man. Holton goes about defining a simple, teachable system for describing a man, rooted in integrity and Scripture. Honestly in today's day and age, which is full of what CS Lewis described as "men without chests", we need more men and boys who have read this book. Get a copy for yourself and one for your son/brother/uncle/neighbor.
Thanks for taking the time to read this review.
Thanks for taking the time to read this review.
March 12, 2022
It was a decent book, but definitely not the best book on manhood I have read. One thing that is striking is that the author says he spent years studying manhood in Scripture, but he uses surprisingly little scripture in his arguments except for a few verses here and there that are generally interpreted properly in their context but probably over-interpreted for the subject matter. The book was more anecdotal than biblical. But, because of God's grace working in his life, probably, he still produced a pretty good representation of biblical manhood. Maybe all that time spent in Scripture did not impact him exegetically but it certainly did spiritually.
His emphasis on submission to the lordship of Christ and the rejection of passivity is key to biblical manhood. Furthermore, his contention that we were not placed on this Earth for our own happiness but to serve others in submission to our Lord is at the heart of biblical manhood. So, he did do a pretty good job.
One concern I would have for the book is that all of his stories could potentially leave one with the impression that if we are not taking huge risks we are not being men. The author does not say this, but his background and rather extreme story might suggest that to the undiscerning reader.
All in all, would I suggest this book for someone to read? Yes, but it would be perhaps 3rd or 4th on my list of books to read on biblical manhood.
His emphasis on submission to the lordship of Christ and the rejection of passivity is key to biblical manhood. Furthermore, his contention that we were not placed on this Earth for our own happiness but to serve others in submission to our Lord is at the heart of biblical manhood. So, he did do a pretty good job.
One concern I would have for the book is that all of his stories could potentially leave one with the impression that if we are not taking huge risks we are not being men. The author does not say this, but his background and rather extreme story might suggest that to the undiscerning reader.
All in all, would I suggest this book for someone to read? Yes, but it would be perhaps 3rd or 4th on my list of books to read on biblical manhood.
March 30, 2014
Single Mom
Single Mom
I choose this book for my son, not having a male role model I worry if I'm giving him the right tool to become a man. I find to many are still boys in today's society. I found the I formation very helpful and wish I had read it before I choose who would be his father. Thank you for your endless work, I hope all families would take the time to read it.
Single Mom
I choose this book for my son, not having a male role model I worry if I'm giving him the right tool to become a man. I find to many are still boys in today's society. I found the I formation very helpful and wish I had read it before I choose who would be his father. Thank you for your endless work, I hope all families would take the time to read it.
January 20, 2015
Excellent book for anyone with sons! I thought there were some extremely valuable insights into manhood as well as discipleship.
March 3, 2019
Glad I read it!
I read some of the reviews and just had to read this book afterwards. I was impressed and will be reading it for a second time again with my Son. Everyone should read this.
I read some of the reviews and just had to read this book afterwards. I was impressed and will be reading it for a second time again with my Son. Everyone should read this.
December 21, 2017
Wonderful handbook to help raise spiritually healthy boys and to help girls learn how to recognize the right man instead of going after the wrong guy.
January 30, 2012
MAKING MEN by Chuck Holton is the kind of book that dads and men need to read every so often. You can do a great job being a father,and a husband, and a man, but sometimes you just need a refresher. You need to be reminded about what the Bible says about being a man and being a leader. This book is perfect for that.
Holton's acronym for being a man is SHAPE. A chapter is devoted to each of these letters. You'll get chapters titled: Submit, Assess and Improve, Perish and Provide, and Engage. Holton uses plenty of scripture to reinforce the Bible's view of what a man should be, and he includes several stories.
This book isn't directly a book on being a father to your boys, but it can help with that. It is more about being a man that is Godly and capable of leading his family, or others. This is a short, easy, read that should help and encourage any man that reads it.
Holton's acronym for being a man is SHAPE. A chapter is devoted to each of these letters. You'll get chapters titled: Submit, Assess and Improve, Perish and Provide, and Engage. Holton uses plenty of scripture to reinforce the Bible's view of what a man should be, and he includes several stories.
This book isn't directly a book on being a father to your boys, but it can help with that. It is more about being a man that is Godly and capable of leading his family, or others. This is a short, easy, read that should help and encourage any man that reads it.
March 23, 2012
When starting this book (given to me as a gift), I thought it would primarily be about parenting boys. However it is just as much, if not more, about what kind of man a father should be. In other words, it's about manhood primarily, and that translates into strategies for parenting boys. When you read of the authors background Army Ranger and successful stockbroker (among many other things), you think it is going to be one of *those* kinds of books, but he starts by identifying the ways we can falsely seek manhood in things like that. Overall, this is a very good book on manhood. The author's definition of honor is particularly helpful.
December 1, 2012
great book well worth reading
December 27, 2012
This extremely insightful book needs to be read by anyone who wants to raise their boys to be great men. Please read this.
August 25, 2014
Great book for "guys" who desire to be Men. There are plenty of Bible references. Don't write it off as "preachy", however. The wisdom is universal.
December 10, 2014
A good book for every dad to read!
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews