Momnesia

by Lori Verni-Fogarsi

FROM THE BACK COVER:
She's smart, pretty, and runs her own business. So then why does she feel so dead inside? Between work, two kids, and a husband who finds her about as exciting as furniture shopping, this is the story of a (formerly-exciting but now way-too-typical) suburban mom who diagnoses herself with "Momnesia" and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness:

MOMNESIA (mahm-nee-zhuh) -noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.

She finds some adventure pursuing her own interests, and does make some new friends (including the battery operated variety), but still feels like nothing more than a caretaker.

In between dealing with her husband's manic-depressive behavior, drama with her friends, and some naughty Internet escapades, she keeps facing the question, "Is it that I haven't been myself? Or is it that I am being myself but just different than I used to be?" It isn't until she tosses the Invisible Rule Book altogether that she discovers life--and love--have more to offer than she ever imagined!

Genres: Chick Lit, Fiction

288 pages, Paperback

First published March 5, 2012

About the author

I'm an author whose debut novel, "Momnesia," was published 3/16/12 Brickstone Publishing.

I have been a freelance writer, journalist, columnist, and seminar speaker for 15+ years and I am the author of the nonfiction book, "Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies and Adult Dogs," which has been widely acclaimed in its genre.

I'm a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and have two cats, both rotten. I divide my time between Raleigh, NC, and Lake Gaston, VA.

In my spare time I enjoy reading, boating, relaxing, and attending my childrens' activities.

Reviews

[Frederick Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a Dad, I was curious to see what author Lori Verni-Fogarsi would be up to in her book Momnesia. My goodness, did she beat my expectations, or what? This mother narrator runs her own business, does everything for the two little girls, takes care of the household from A to Z, AND has to answer herself in conversations with hubby Paul.

Every time she asks him a question there are only three possible answers: yes, no, and I don’t know. Paul suffers from a disorder that makes him practically powerless to make decisions. When it’s time to plan a date, he can’t choose a restaurant. Put a menu in his hands, he can’t decide what to order. Oh, and as you might have expected Paul is much more interested in TV than having sex.

Killing him isn’t an option; after all, Paul is the girls’ father, isn’t he? Yet this mommy has her needs. First and foremost she would like someone to talk to. Might be nice if he listened, for a change, for once. Her day is a whirlwind of getting the kids out of bed, washed, dressed, fed, and off to school, then cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, then taking care of customers.

Like moms everywhere, this suffering mom devotes every waking moment to the other people in her life. She suffers from “momnesia,” a syndrome of disappearance, the disappearance of the actual woman. She feels she’s invisible.

Endings are difficult, even unimaginable to a mom, thinking of her kids, but when she has a kind of near-death experience in the grocery store parking lot, she realizes enough is enough. Paul will go on like this until they’re old, perfectly happy in their roles as perfect strangers. But she won’t.

Mustering the courage to leave Paul doesn’t come easily to this narrator. One of the things I love about Momnesia is that we are given intimate access to her thinking process all the way through the year in which all this takes place. Paul is drawn rather starkly, completely unsuitable as a partner for anyone.

Even so, the decision she has to make is a gigantic one. She turns to her friends for advice and support, and meets new friends as well. Nothing happens suddenly. Everything evolves naturally and feels right. Yet when a friend asks her for a photo of herself, a search through her computer reveals 400 photos of the kids, Paul, the pets, her with the kids, her with the pets, but none of her alone. Why are there no pictures of her? Because she’s always been the one to snap the photos! No one ever snaps a photo of her. Why would they? She’s invisible.

Key events always involve courageous decisions to rebel against invisibility and once again do what she hasn’t done since she became a mom. Listening to her old favorite music; going out dancing with friends; experimenting with a new sex toy she calls “Wascally Wabbit (I nearly fell off my chair laughing);” making friends with a stranger.

Zest for life returns in direct proportion to the positive payback she gets from stepping out of the roles people expect her to fill. She doesn’t have to neglect the children; she just has to focus on her own needs now and then every day. It’s no spoiler to say Paul is a lost cause. We know it from the beginning.

Observing the gradual transformation of the mommy-narrator is the beauty of Momnesia. It’s a classic story, with a loveable, huggable narrator.

Reach for the phone or your reading device or whatever it is you use right now, and order this book. Moms, Momnesia will give you strength. Read the book and let me know how you liked it. Dads, it will give you pause to think. I’m sure you’re not at all like this dude, Paul, right? Please tell me that you’re not.

[Allizabeth Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Description:

How was your life before you met Mr. Right, (or Mr. Wrong)? Were you a different person before you "settled down" and had a couple kids? Do you have time for friends, fun, and fantasy anymore? Or is your time taken up by rocking babies, packing lunches, grocery shopping, laundry day, meal planning, yo-yo dieting, changing diapers, and making sure everyone else is satisfied? When do you have time for you?...

These are the questions that one mom wants answered. She's hot, smart, and knows how to get the job done, but why does she feel so hollow? Her business is booming, her two kids are great, her husband is... nice, but she finds herself sitting in a parking lot wondering how she got there, whether she should get divorced, and if she even knows who she is anymore. She has a serious case of "Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) - noun- Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses." Can this mom take herself off autopilot and find herself, her laughter, and her passion, to become the person she wants to be?

Review:

This book left me feeling anything but "cat-faced"! I am not a wife or a mother, but I do have experience with feeling overwhelmed by work, family, and "me time"; I can honestly say that it is easy to lose sight of yourself and your goals when you have other things on-your-plate. After reading the first few pages of Momnesia, I knew that I was going to love it! Lori Verni-Fogarsi's writing style is funny, feisty, freeing, and full of life! I found her characters well-developed and real enough to identify and sympathize with, especially the main character and the friends she met along the way. Reading this book was like having a glass of wine with a couple good girlfriends and telling it like it is- life, love, ups, downs, and everything in-between. The dialogue was anything but monotone - except for the husband of course - and the details about marriage, motherhood, and momnesia made me nod my head and laugh-out-loud. I even recommended it to my mother, aunt, and grandmother and they agree with me! I cannot wait until Lori Verni-Fogarsi's next book, Gramnesia, comes out - and hopefully I will get to review that too!!! Highly recommended for anyone wanting a sneak peak into marriage and motherhood, those who have been through it, and those who want some zest with their Chick-lit! Great for book clubs and for Mother's Day!!!

Rating: On the Run (4.5/5)

*** I received this book from the author (Brickstone Publishing) in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just as hilarious as I thought it would be. I am glad I got to it and actually making myself re-think the entire TBR category . I think maybe I missed out on this book when it was "all the rage" Gladly today was too familiar for me and some of these woman! It is one of those things that you HAVE to read if only for the comical points. So many laugh out loud moments and quotes. I actually wanted to burn Paul's nuts in the cd burner, he was a royal shithead! I know that is not nice, but did he have any balls? Maybe our housewife should have gotten his and checked to see if they were real.
Now will you want a gay girl named Sam to be your BFF as I think the girls weekend to Florida was when our Housewife realized it was HER time this time. One part where she mentions rabbit and then thinks surely Sam has to draw the line at sex with animals! OMG A very awakening book, filled with lots of well meaning hints at the "normal" life nobody has. Especially the "Now I am medically diagnosed with needing a divorce"

I though Carrie was a dream friend, open honest and normal. I could go on and on about it and quote a tons more, but it would only be me laughing more and I gotta get to book 2. Unexpecting here I come

[Emily Vogt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun read. I like the term "Momnesia" - I think it's a great description of what can happen to any Mom. I really enjoyed watching this character as she pulled herself out of Momnesia and became a happier person and a better mom.

[Jamee Zielke · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have pretty mixed feelings about this book.

The pluses:
Based on some of my friends' experiences who have gone through divorce, the author does a great job writing a realistic account of a woman going through a divorce. I would say a good 60% of this book takes place over the year she is contemplating divorce. Her marriage is miserable - her husband is mentally ill, passive, and uninterested in her or their marriage. Nonetheless, once she decides to divorce, it's not all smooth sailing from there. She goes through a roller coaster of emotion, stress, anxiety, uncertainty, and so on. Not only is that what real people seem to go through, I like that the author does not "glamorize" divorce and it adds realism to the story.

Although it's overdone, the author makes a good point about the concept of "Momnesia". Basically, 'momnesia' is when a woman abandons all sense of self in favor of mothering (kids and husband). It's a pretty common pitfall for many mothers, particularly when their children are young. And I'm sure plenty of marriages fall apart because of it. Making time for yourself is an excellent idea for everyone, mom or not.

The minuses:
The main character is OBSESSED with the concept of 'momnesia' and assumes that everyone else has it. To the point of being a bit smug at the end that she has figured out how to be an Actual Woman (her words and emphasis) while the other poor delusional slobs around her can't figure it out. I don't quote the books often in my review, but to illustrate, check out this lovely gem (about her neighbors who did not leap to her rescue to take down her Christmas lights):

"...I knew the reason no one had offered to help me was because they were all judgmental little shits. Miserable in their own lives, yet judgmental of my decision to seek happiness instead of continuing in the muck and mire that was still most of their realities"

Or it might be that you are bitch, main character. Maybe that. Seriously, this is a super bitter main character.

The main character is very shallow and comments about appearance a lot. Preoccupied with her own flaws, but in a way that implies she thinks she's less hot than before kids, but still pretty smoking, while most of the moms around her are frumpy slobs. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but she just comes off so full of herself and preoccupied with physical appearance.

The 50 Shades of Gray-esque writing style *at times*. Fortunately, not always. But I really never want to see a character again who repeatedly exclaims Holy Crap or has internal dialogues with her inner whatevers.

Finally, this book is touted as "funny". It is not funny.

I'd recommend Momnesia as a book club selection - there's a lot of good discussion fodder in it. And for me, the realism of her struggles with the concept of divorcing and balancing herself with her identify as a mom outweigh my general dislike of the character. But I would not want to be friends with her. Not that I think she'd want to be friends with me anyway since I am not beautiful and I am happily married.

[Farmers Wife · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book via "Pixel of Ink" on Facebook and was interested and lucky enough to get a free copy. It sat on my kindle while I ravaged through several of my more smutty books before I saw a recommendation on Goodreads or possibly another publishing site that I follow on FB. Recognizing the name and appreciating the short review I put it on my 'next in line to read' list (which means I start it before I finish another good book. I hate having to start all fresh with no books in progress).

Anyhow, it caught my attention and intrigued me right away. At first feeling quite sorry for this MC and her Momnesia and her boring in and out day-to-day never changing routine and the fact that she seemed ultimately unappreciated for all she did for her family day in and day out.

As the story progresses she finds herself going from un-decisive about should she or shouldn't she to empowered by realizing that just because she is a mom, she still is a Woman to be valued and appreciated. I read through the MC's journey through what ultimately turns out to be divorce but how she regains a new sense of being, romance and, the hilarity of her inter dialog and incessant over-anylizantion of so many situations along the way.

The further I read the more I could giggle and empathize with her (two scenes as example: the obsessive email checking and the couple massage).

If you are a mom, or dad or curious and love characters that can be realistic about their lives but at the same time find humor, insecurity, courage, and so many other personality traits within themselves then you will thoroughly enjoy this read.

Oh yeah. And, then there is her friend Scott. And, in the end I adore David. ;-)

There is to be a sequel to which the MC (name to be with held as you will understand when you read the book) becomes an unexpected grandma. Granmnesia!! LOL! Can't wait!

[Ruth Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to admit that I struggled with my rating of this book for some time. There are some obvious reasons why I should mark it down. There is a lot of profanity (some of it rather hard core). I have to admit that I could have done without a lot of that, but this is just my opinion. I also could have done without the sex scenes but they were thankfully none of them were detailed. I also didn't like the homosexual situation in the book, but again, there was no detail. I didn't like the morality in the book, but then again, I'm old-fashioned, so I will always say that.

Thankfully, the positives do outweigh the negatives. When I read about Paul, I instantly connected. My ex-husband's name is Paul, and there were definite similarities. But Paul actually reminded me more of my dad--that's a long story there. I also connected with the online dating hunt(been there, done that), and I also understand losing myself in my role of mom (amongst other things). And I also can relate to the "temptations" of a single mom. Just because I don't want to read about sex scenes doesn't mean that I don't ever think about it. How the woman stayed in the kind of marriage she did for so long without cheating is beyond me, but I relate again. And let's talk about loss of self worth--I totally agree. In so many ways, this book has something for married moms, single moms, and those women who are somewhere in the middle. As long as you are aware of the precautions above, I can recommend this book to moms everywhere.

I was sent a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. I was not financially compensated, and all opinions are 100 percent mine.

[Samantha March · Rating 4 out of 5]

I may not have experienced Momnesia yet in my life, but I really enjoyed this book by Lori Verni-Fogarsi! I could relate to the MC in other aspects – always being busy with work, clients, family and friends. I can only imagine adding what the stress would feel like adding children and then a divorce into the mix. I thought this book was really engaging and eye-opening, and I thought it was really unique how readers don’t learn the main characters name until the very end. Honestly – I thought the reading was smooth that I actually never noticed until that last page that her name wasn’t disclosed all the way throughout! I think that means major kudos for the author. I started to feel that the book was getting a bit long towards the end, but other than that, I thought it was a very enjoyable read. Though the husband did make me want to poke my eyes out from time to time. “Cat-face” is an expression I’m definitely taking away from this book! I agree with the synopsis: I would recommend Momnesia to “anyone who has ever been a mother, had a mother, wanted to be a mother, judged a mother, or even just wondered about mothers.” I’ll be looking forward to more from this author!

[Jackie Hennessey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading Momnesia by Lori Verni-Fogarsi. Although I’m a happily married mother, I found myself connecting with the main character, an obviously unhappily married mother, as she struggles to find her true self again. A loving mom of two girls, she suffers from Momnesia, or “the loss of the memory of who you used to be caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.” Verni-Fogarsi creates an often hilarious and relatable inner dialogue of this woman as she realizes that her husband has become more like a roommate than a supportive spouse, relying on her to do everything. (Including making all the decisions, such as where they should eat out!) Although she adores her children, she is overwhelmed and restless playing the role of caretaker and decision-maker for her husband. I found myself cheering her on as she re-discovers herself and in the process, becomes an even better mother. I’d recommend this book as an entertaining read for moms of all ages!

[Lauri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another free special from Kindle. This is the (fictional) account of a mom who has lost her self, due to her daily routines and an unhappy marriage. Her self-analysis and theories about motherhood were not as amusing as I had hoped; I find it hard to believe that so many mothers subjugate their own personalities (to the point that this mom did) as to make her observations universal truths, but maybe they do. I did agree with some of her thoughts about the difficulties women have making friends at an older age and the superficiality of many of them. I became frustrated with the main protagonist as she struggled to make a decision about whether or not to leave her husband, but once she finally did, I became more engrossed in the book and wanted to find out what would happen next. This would be a good book club book, because there were lots of things that would have led to a good discussion (and there were good questions at the end of the book for that!).

[Gloria Antypowich · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a funny, witty, honest peek into reality. Almost every woman who has experienced mother hood can relate to the emotions of the main character in some way.

As I read this book I had to admit that during my child rearing years I had been a “Momnesia.” Even in happy, supportive relationships, it happens without you even realizing it. A busy life, husband and children: the unspoken idea that you must be a “super hero” who just handles everything: the resentment that grows against a situation that taxes all your energy while everyone else takes what you do for granted. Many of us dig our own emotional graves by falling into sort of martyrdom. The only way out is to realise that you are worth more and expect it: even demand it.

I chuckled several times, thought “oh yeah I remember those days” and enjoyed the main characters journey to finding herself again.

I look forward to another book by this author.

[Susan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book dull, somewhat depressing, and poorly written. I rarely don't finish a book, but after getting 4/5 of the way through it, and realizing I didn't give a rat's ass what happened next, I let myself put it down and return it to the library. The narrator/main character wasn't very likable, nor very interesting. When coming up with things she liked in one scene in the first half, the interests she picked were not interesting. Her idea that going out alone and drinking and playing pool was a way to reclaim who she was made me think who she was was kind of a loser who liked hanging out in dive bars and avoiding her problems at home, and her constant insistence that she was trying to make her marriage work struck me as very the lady doth protest too much. She decided to end that relationship way before her therapist told her to, as evidenced by her lack of compassion or care for her husband. Overall, I thought the book sucked. Don't waste your time.

[susieqlaw · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let me start by saying this author is talented. I would read another book of hers. The novel flowed well, and I found myself not wanting to put the book down. Even the book cover cleverly captures the main character.

The author writes with such description that I could picture the setting and put myself in the shoes of the characters. In a way, the author's descriptiveness reminds me somewhat of another author, Frances Mayes.

This book explores the dynamics of a relationships centering on the main character who is a mother, wife, daughter, and business owner. She has tried to save her deflated marriage. However, her marriage seems to be in disrepair despite her efforts. Amidst the whispers and judgments of the neighbors and authors, she finally has to make a decision.

I received this book for free through a Chick Lit Central give away.

[Jan Moran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Momnesia is a smart, contemporary novel about a woman who finds the courage to make choices in her life.

The story begins with a woman--told in first person--whose marriage to 'Cat Face,' a man who has lost his way and interest in life, is deteriorating. The woman is on a quest to discover herself, as well as the woman she would like to be. Her dilemma is that she must find out who she is and celebrate herself in order to free her daughter from having the same oppressive role models she had.

Momnesia is a lesson in enlightenment, in remembering who you are, in living your life your way. Thought provoking topics are woven throughout this humorous story of discovery. One of the most interesting twists involves the woman's name--but I won't give this surprise away. Smart, crisp dialogue and a fast-moving, entertaining plot make Momnesia a fun, 5-star read.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book on the from the author's give-away. I'm always glad to find a new author, and I'm glad I found this one. I related to the story from my own experience of should I get a divorce or should I stay? My own children were 4 and 7 when I got a divorce and it was very scary for me to make that decision. I remember having those voices in my head also, arguing for and against it . She captured that struggle in the main character's head well, I thought. I loved the whole story and the struggle going on in her life and how she chose to deal with it all. I totally related to it and I've recommended it to others and already sent it to my own daughter to read. And I'm very much looking forward to reading Unexpecting next ! I totally recommend this book !

[Rita · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book free through a Goodreads First Reads giveaway. This book was very enjoyable. I do not have children but I have several friends who are married with kids and when they talk about life it seems very similar to Momnesia. After kids their life is dedicated to their kids and they are no longer the same person. I think this book shows that you can be a great mom but still remain true to yourself and not lose who you are or who you want to be. A very fun book with a great story. Likable characters and good development throughout the story. No boring parts to the story and makes you want to keep reading.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Momnesia is loss of memory of who you used to be. " Being a Mom is a wonderful thing, but it was not the only thing for me. I wanted to be many things and felt "if I had a life" I would perform much better in all aspects of that life. I wanted to be a Mom, Wife, Friend, Student, Employee, etc, etc...


Coincidentally Momnesia was written by another Lori. In a hilarious way, this book conveys many thoughts I had about raising children and being the woman I wanted to be. It was a quick, fun and true-to-life book!

[Jessica Huszar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It chronicles the life of an unhappily married woman through her realization she has lost herself in her mommy-ness and her struggle to find her true self. Written in the first person with a lot of hysterical internal dialogue. I found myself relating the the narrator and cheering her on as she became herself again. I'd recommend this book as an enjoyable read for any wife or mother.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book on good reads(thanks). I really enjoyed the book. In the first couple chapters when she already starts out by talking about divorce I was thinking it was going to be like any other chick lit book about divorce and "finding" herself. But it was very interesting, and i liked that she didnt skip over all she went through trying to make it work, and how she tried to put everything she had into her marriage. I really enjoyed the book, and Look forward to reading more of her books.

[Karen · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is one of the most poorly written I've ever read. I picked it up because it has a cute title and cover art. Wordiness and cliches abound in what promised to be an interesting story about a woman who's forgotten herself when she became a mom and is rediscovering what it's like to be a person separate from her children. One of the characters was "thrown into a loud and uproarious fit of laughter" while her friend "just sort of looked down at her feet and blushed." Enough said.

[Robin Christofaro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a hilarious and accurate description of how our lives change when we are married with children. I loved the author's wit and humor when describing the inner struggles that we all go through in addition to all of the other stuff that we have going on. The family, the friends and neighbors and the "voices" and their descriptive journey had me laughing out loud throughout the whole book. A humorous, yet serious, take on one woman's life! Great read!

[Marcia King · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book and could definitely relate to many of the author's references to being a mom and at the same time, trying to remain a woman! The book will surely prompt mothers to remember the trials and also the fun times of being a wife/mom. I am looking forward to Gramnesia! Great job, Lori.

[Bear · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this to be an interesting read. It had a nice pace which kept the story from being too heavy, the characters well developed (I wanted to punch Paul), and I liked the fact that you did learn her name until the end. I would recommend this book to all women, not just mommies.

Edit: I received this for free through Goodreads First Reads.

[Nikol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I truly enjoyed this book. Lori takes you through the humor and trials of loosing yourself to being a Wife and Mother, before being You. I enjoyed taking away several nuggets of parenting tips, relationship tips, friendship tips and most of all enjoying an honest-to-goodness well written novel. Oh- and you will laugh out loud. I did!

[Gabriela · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book, a fairly quick read and one of those books that makes you stop and think. The husband in the book is quite extreme in his behavior and I know a person's behavior doesn't need to be like that to create a difficult marriage. It was quite interesting to read about her process and the outcome of it all.

[Janie Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun, fiesty book that opens your eyes to being a woman, wife, mother and ultimately your own individual person! This book is a reminder that we cannot get lost in the fog of being what everyone else expects us to be, but to remember who we really are. A must read for every woman!
Highly recommended

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was GREAT!!! It reminded me so much of my life 30 years ago. I think the 2 little voices in her head were a bit over done, but other than that this book tells it like it is. A must read for any women with children.

[J Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!! She broke into my house and read the last few years worth of my journals!! That's the only way I can come up with for how well I was able to relate to this book!! Good job Lori!!

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would like to thank this author for bringing the word "Catface" into my vocabulary. The word describes the look on my husband's face on a regular basis!
This was a quick, enjoyable read. Good for a day at the beach.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved this book. There were lots of ideas that pertained to my own life, and I enjoyed reading about her struggles she went through. Her journey inspired me to want to do some of my own things for myself. I would highly recommend it!