Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to Move Beyond Your Past to Create an Abuse-Free Future

by Beverly Engel

"A beacon of hope for women and men who fear that they will pass the abuse they have suffered on to their children, partners, or employees. Humane and compassionate but also clear and down to earth, this is a wonderful contribution to the literature on healing."
--Lundy Bancroft, author of When Dad Hurts Mom and Why Does He Do That?

"In this remarkably powerful, wise, and compassionate book, Beverly Engel leads readers step by step through a program that will help survivors of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in childhood to heal from their wounds so they don't need to re-enact their abusive pasts. She offers expert advice and strategies to help parents and would-be parents avoid doing to their children what was done to them and helps both abusers and victims in emotionally and physically abusive relationships make vitally important changes in their relationships."
--Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents and Emotional Blackmail

If you were emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a child or adolescent, or if you experienced neglect or abandonment, it isn't a question of whether you will continue the cycle of abuse but rather a question of how--whether you will become an abuser or continue to be a victim. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, a leading expert on emotional and sexual abuse, explains how to stop the cycle of abuse once and for all. Her step-by-step program provides the necessary skills for gaining control over emotions, changing negative attitudes, learning healthy ways of communicating, healing the damage from prior abuse, and seeking out support.

Throughout, Engel shares many dramatic personal stories including her own experiences with abusive behavior. Breaking the Cycle of Abuse gives you the power to shatter abusive patterns for good and offers a legacy of hope and healing for you and your family.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Beverly Engel has been a psychotherapist for thirty years, specializing in the areas of abuse recovery, relationships, women’s issues and sexuality. She is also the best-selling author of 20 self-help books, many of which have been featured on national television and radio programs (Oprah, CNN, Ricki Lake, Starting Over) as well as national print media (O Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Psychology Today, The Washington Post, The LA Times, and The Chicago Tribune to name a few).

She is considered one of the world’s leading experts on the issue of emotional abuse, as well as a pioneer on the issue, having written one of the first recovery books on the subject (The Emotionally Abused Woman).

Reviews

[Beneatha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me so much. It made me realize the problems I actually have and how to fix them. I won't be stopping with this book. I will continue on my journey to be a better person. Beverly Engel created the first stepping stone on the path to improving myself.

[Elruin Elmsroot · Rating 3 out of 5]

When you start reading this book, you will think that: you don’t deserve to be alive or even to exist at all.

This book tells that,
having an abusive childhood sets you into a damaged adult life and makes you the next abuser in line.

You enter into a repeated cycle of unwilling abusiveness. From where you won't be able to get out normally or easily.

Then the author tells you some sub-par ways to break the cycle of abuse. Which are vague and hard to implement in reality.

Then the book makes you feel like, you are unable to have a family and children of your own, because of the abuses you have suffered in the childhood.

It makes you feel incompetent and unstable as a person.

Then, this book talk about individualization.
The young-adult period.

It then proceeds to give you some vague and unreliable guidances.

It pushes you in a author desired direction without any effective and concrete strategies and guidelines.

The reason i gave it 3 star is that, the author had managed to sell a point here, even though it lacks any real, actionable, and effective strategies to cope with the raising problems.

Overall, this is an average book with average solutions.

This book wouldn’t be enough for you, if you seek any real solutions for real problems.

[Hales Fry · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was not a terrible read. As someone who has found myself going from abusive situation to abusive situation and trying to break out of finding comfort in habit and abusive tendencies from others, there are thoughtful moments in here that make you think about how abuse kind of carries and flows with you and changes your view of relationships.

For me however, I'm looking for something a bit more recovery driven, a "don't bring fleas into your new home" type read. I think I'm looking more for skills and practices in addition to therapy. I might reread and try later when I have developed a better foothold into healing.

[Andra Enache · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really good book to understand how our past affects our thoughts and actions. It also helps you to work on your past traumas and heal, so you don't repeat the cycle.