Who's Calling the Shots?: How to Respond Effectively to Children's Fascination with War Play, War Toys and Violent TV by Nancy Carlsson-Paige

by Nancy Carlsson-Paige

Book by Nancy Carlsson-Paige, Diane E. Levin

Genres: Education

Paperback

First published December 31, 1989

Reviews

[Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this one mostly because I struggle with my son's need to battle in the context of my extreme pacifism. This made me feel better (not in the clear,but better). It was written in the 80's and shows its age, particularly in the context of TV being the biggest source of violent content. There is a little mention of video games, but nothing about computers/internet. While the title and some content is specific to war play, the book isn't limited to that. It mostly uses war play as an example of a dramatic change in our society with how kids play. Each chapter has some specific actionable ways to deal with the specific issues. This is useful if one over another is more problematic in your family. However, I thought the last few sections with specific ideas for props and supplies was strange, but then if WE have been groomed to not be able to think creatively maybe it is necessary for some!

I don't know if you can spoil a non-fiction book, but I had to write this out in order to synthesize my thoughts about the topic. For child development purposes, children need dramatic and creative play. It is the way they make sense of their experiences of the things they are exposed to. It helps them utilize their imagination in a way that builds problem solving skills, gain understanding of the world around them and change their own ideas. War play, specifically, can be powerful WHEN it is rich and elaborated by the children as it helps them deal with the real and social issues of violence.

The problem arises when they are playing in a way that does not require imagination or variation... in other words, when they are strictly imitating. What has happened is that the toy market has been flooded with realistic toys that lend themselves to only being played with in one way as well as toys that come with branded cartoons where kids are fed the stories/situations to play out. Along with this comes heavy influence reinforcing gender stereotypes and division between the sexes as well.

The key is for kids to get beyond what the toy may define as how to play with it. The less defined the toy, the easier that is to do! Children are bombarded with messages that make them feel that they need a certain toy to be able to play... which is why we have the battles in the stores! They can't help it. They don't have the skills to deal with the adult-made marketing messages (until they play out dealing with them!) They are being groomed into perfect consumers who think they need to buy something to be happy. It is all about what toys are on the market and how they are being marketed. Most of us can't directly control either of those things (unless we keep our kids in complete isolation), but we can control what comes into our homes and engage our children in being aware of toys that limit play (I've already trained my son well about "CPC" i.e. "cheap plastic crap") as well as toys that simplify the issues around violence. They are exposed to so much violence that they are becoming desensitized to the true impact of it. Our children need to be free to construct their own interpretation of reality. We do harm to them by not trying to protect them from this limited form of play. Survival of the planet depends on people being able to resolve difference without violence. Creative play will build the skills and ability to deal with the global issues they will inherit.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book a very interesting look at violence in children's play and how the increased presence of media in our culture has really changed that play. The book was written quite a while ago, and I would appreciate an updated version. I recommend this to all parents who have a lot of angst or ambivalence about their child's gun play.

[missy jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

I skipped over some of the more dated parts (it was written in the '80s so obviously the media landscape has changed a lot), but still got some good ideas for facilitating creative play and using my kids' play, including violent play, as a lens to understand how they are feeling in their lives.

[K.L. Hallam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this when my boys were infants. I've thought about this book often over the years. I agree with everything this book notes, even more so that my boys are now teens. If we want to know why our culture is so intensely violent, this book is a great start.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holds up surprisingly well even after 22 years.