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Real Relationships: From Bad to Better and Good to Great
In this updated edition of their bestselling book, Relationships, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott dig below the surface to the depths of human interactions, offering expert advice and practical tools for improving the most important aspect of human life: relationships. Designed for college students, young adults, singles, and dating couples, this cutting-edge book teaches the basics of healthy relationships, including friendship, dating, sexuality, and relating to God. Newly updated and expanded to include the latest research on relationship building and vital information on social networking, it provides readers with proven tools for making bad relationships better and good relationships great. Real Relationships is filled with thought-provoking questions and links to its separate workbook. The workbook---integral to getting the most out of Real Relationships---contains dozens of self-tests and assessments that will help readers determine their relational readiness, the health of the home they grew up in, their understanding of gender differences, and much more. Real Relationships and the Real Relationships Workbook furnish an honest and timely guide to forming the rich relationships that are life's greatest treasure.
208 pages, Paperback
First published June 21, 2011
35 people are currently reading
109 people want to read
About the author
Les Parrott III
151 books131 followers#1 New York Times best-selling authors, Les and Leslie. A husband-and-wife team who not only share the same name, but the same passion for helping others build healthy relationships. In 1991, the Parrotts founded the Center for Relationship Development on the campus of Seattle Pacific University - a groundbreaking program dedicated to teaching the basics of good relationships.
Married in 1984, the Parrotts bring real-life examples to their speaking platform. Their professional training - Leslie as a marriage and family therapist, and Les as a clinical psychologist - ensures a presentation that is grounded, insightful and cutting-edge.
The Parrotts are New York Times #1 Best Selling Authors. Their books include the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Love Talk, Real Relationships, The Parent You Want to Be, The Hour That Matters Most and Crazy Good Sex.
Each year Les and Leslie speak in over 40 cities. Their audiences include a wide array of venues, from churches to Fortune 500 company board rooms. Their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages.
The Parrotts have been guests on many national TV and radio programs such as CNN, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The View with Barbara Walters, NBC Nightly News, and Oprah. Their work has been featured in USA Today and The New York Times.
Visit their website for lots of free resources at www.LesandLeslie.com
Married in 1984, the Parrotts bring real-life examples to their speaking platform. Their professional training - Leslie as a marriage and family therapist, and Les as a clinical psychologist - ensures a presentation that is grounded, insightful and cutting-edge.
The Parrotts are New York Times #1 Best Selling Authors. Their books include the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Love Talk, Real Relationships, The Parent You Want to Be, The Hour That Matters Most and Crazy Good Sex.
Each year Les and Leslie speak in over 40 cities. Their audiences include a wide array of venues, from churches to Fortune 500 company board rooms. Their books have sold over two million copies in more than two dozen languages.
The Parrotts have been guests on many national TV and radio programs such as CNN, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The View with Barbara Walters, NBC Nightly News, and Oprah. Their work has been featured in USA Today and The New York Times.
Visit their website for lots of free resources at www.LesandLeslie.com
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
June 6, 2023
3.5 stars, rounded up. This book had some really good insight at the beginning and at the end. The middle?…. Meh.
The Parrotts discuss the fundamental human compulsion for completion and articulate how our relationships can be sabotaged when we lack a sense of personal identity. As Christians, the Parrotts point the reader to God who is the only one who will not fail you. Probably the best quote of the entire book is in the first chapter:
“If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.”
The middle of the book had some outdated (and some disproven) studies about the “gender gap” and some okay stuff about friends and other somewhat irrelevant, practical tips for breaking up.
I did appreciate the dignity with which they presented people as image bearers of God (above the animal kingdom) in the chapter on “Sex, Lies, and the Great Escape” and that every individual is, and can be responsible for their own choices, and no one is “doomed to be the victim of their own raging hormones.”
The last chapter on Relating to God without Feeling Phony bumped this book from a 3 star rating to 4 for me. This is such an incredibly important topic, and I wish much more of the book would have been devoted to this. The authors give several distorted concepts of God, including “the referee God” and “the grandfather God”. Learning to understand our misperceptions of God will have a huge impact on how we relate to others.
Overall, there are parts of this book that I would recommend, but it also has some issues as well.
(Side note: I read the 2011 edition.)
The Parrotts discuss the fundamental human compulsion for completion and articulate how our relationships can be sabotaged when we lack a sense of personal identity. As Christians, the Parrotts point the reader to God who is the only one who will not fail you. Probably the best quote of the entire book is in the first chapter:
“If you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.”
The middle of the book had some outdated (and some disproven) studies about the “gender gap” and some okay stuff about friends and other somewhat irrelevant, practical tips for breaking up.
I did appreciate the dignity with which they presented people as image bearers of God (above the animal kingdom) in the chapter on “Sex, Lies, and the Great Escape” and that every individual is, and can be responsible for their own choices, and no one is “doomed to be the victim of their own raging hormones.”
The last chapter on Relating to God without Feeling Phony bumped this book from a 3 star rating to 4 for me. This is such an incredibly important topic, and I wish much more of the book would have been devoted to this. The authors give several distorted concepts of God, including “the referee God” and “the grandfather God”. Learning to understand our misperceptions of God will have a huge impact on how we relate to others.
Overall, there are parts of this book that I would recommend, but it also has some issues as well.
(Side note: I read the 2011 edition.)
February 2, 2022
Book Review, "Real Relationships" by Les and Leslie Parrott.
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The entirety of this book hinges on our compulsion for completion. In other words, we try to fill the voids in our lives with others. You might say "that's not so bad, right?". Well, Parrott and Parrott beg to differ. They explain that "if you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself" (Parrott & Parrott, 2012, p. 20). Whether you are trying to find completion in your family, spouse, or friends, the truth is that the only relationship that will only fill us is a relationship with God. In turn, we must have a correct view of who God is and His attributes in order for us to be complete.
Parrott and Parrott have a few extra chapters on sex before marriage, how to break up with someone, how to create healthy relationships and know what an unhealthy relationship looks like. The authors give wonderful advice for teens and young adults, however, all ages and those experiencing different phases of life will certainly gain something from this book. My favorite chapter was the final chapter "Relating to God without Feeling Phony". They focused on God's attribute, love, and that would be my only issue with the book. I worry that some readers will be swayed to only see that attribute. All in all, I loved the way they ended the book saying, "In a God-aware relationship, however, our souls are ultimately satisfied in a meaningful life of goodness and grace, wholeness and holiness" (Parrott & Parrott, 2012, p. 191). I recommend this book to anyone who wants to cultivate healthy relationships with a firm foundation in a relationship with the God of the Bible.
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The entirety of this book hinges on our compulsion for completion. In other words, we try to fill the voids in our lives with others. You might say "that's not so bad, right?". Well, Parrott and Parrott beg to differ. They explain that "if you try to find intimacy with another person before achieving a sense of identity on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself" (Parrott & Parrott, 2012, p. 20). Whether you are trying to find completion in your family, spouse, or friends, the truth is that the only relationship that will only fill us is a relationship with God. In turn, we must have a correct view of who God is and His attributes in order for us to be complete.
Parrott and Parrott have a few extra chapters on sex before marriage, how to break up with someone, how to create healthy relationships and know what an unhealthy relationship looks like. The authors give wonderful advice for teens and young adults, however, all ages and those experiencing different phases of life will certainly gain something from this book. My favorite chapter was the final chapter "Relating to God without Feeling Phony". They focused on God's attribute, love, and that would be my only issue with the book. I worry that some readers will be swayed to only see that attribute. All in all, I loved the way they ended the book saying, "In a God-aware relationship, however, our souls are ultimately satisfied in a meaningful life of goodness and grace, wholeness and holiness" (Parrott & Parrott, 2012, p. 191). I recommend this book to anyone who wants to cultivate healthy relationships with a firm foundation in a relationship with the God of the Bible.
October 16, 2025
I believe their opinion on dating is not only unbiblical, but also damaging to the believer who desires to live out a godly life. The overall message was fine but the suggestions of a physical relationship within the dating relationship being essential, even to the point of seeming to discourage couples from keeping themselves pure of a physical relationship in dating crossed the line for me.
I have read several of the Parrott's books but their approach to what was good and not good physically in a dating relationship was completely unfounded with scriptural backing and has tainted my view of their writings from here on out. They approached it with opinions but zero scriptural backing on why kissing and a physical relationship in a dating context is a good thing, even though scripture points to keeping one another in a sibling relationship until we marry them (1 Timothy 5, 1 Corinthians 7). I believe the Parrott's approach has, and will continue to, damage believers in Christ. It gives opinions without a real, solid biblical foundation, which lead to the creation of boundaries that get pushed passed due to the vague notions they are created with.
I have read several of the Parrott's books but their approach to what was good and not good physically in a dating relationship was completely unfounded with scriptural backing and has tainted my view of their writings from here on out. They approached it with opinions but zero scriptural backing on why kissing and a physical relationship in a dating context is a good thing, even though scripture points to keeping one another in a sibling relationship until we marry them (1 Timothy 5, 1 Corinthians 7). I believe the Parrott's approach has, and will continue to, damage believers in Christ. It gives opinions without a real, solid biblical foundation, which lead to the creation of boundaries that get pushed passed due to the vague notions they are created with.
July 28, 2018
This book is not only about boy-girl relationships but also about friendships and even a chapter on relationship with God(because it is a Christian book). Also, it was appreciative with chapters on ended relationships. I did not find all the chapters equally good, a few were too simple and blunt, but the ones that were good were really good and make me recommend the book easily. I did not like the quotes they put on almost every page, it disrupts the reading flow. Although Christian, the advice is real and mostly psychological and based on real life examples and the book is not filled with bible verses to affirm every aspect of relationships as if the Bible could tell everything of the modern complexities. There are both kinds of books, and this is based on expertise rather than theology(and it does not make true book less Christian). That said, it is not a though read - it is very readable and pretty fast paced, so that limits also the depth. For the format, accessibility and content accordingly, it does things very well although a bit uneven.
June 7, 2017
My favorite parts of this book were the chapters: Friends to Die for, What to do when Friends fail, and Relating to God without feeling phony. I found this chapters most relatable and applicable to my life ppersonally.
Although I did enjoy reading this book, there parts to me that made me feel like I was reading a textbook and I wasn't fully engaged with what I was reading.
I do recommend this book to everyone who desires to make their relationships with their friends, family, and significant others better.
This book is also a good read that can be done out of order or just reading a few chapters and not feel like you are missing out on anything. You can read the chapters that are most applicable to you and not read the others or read the whole book to gain more insight and knowledge about relationships.
Although I did enjoy reading this book, there parts to me that made me feel like I was reading a textbook and I wasn't fully engaged with what I was reading.
I do recommend this book to everyone who desires to make their relationships with their friends, family, and significant others better.
This book is also a good read that can be done out of order or just reading a few chapters and not feel like you are missing out on anything. You can read the chapters that are most applicable to you and not read the others or read the whole book to gain more insight and knowledge about relationships.
January 19, 2018
I definitely judged this book on it's name, and premise. However, after recommendation from my boyfriend, this was an extremely beneficial read! I often find Christian literature difficult to absorb. This was a really good mixture of solid points (that really make you think), relatable stories, and not scaring or shaming you into agreeing with them. In fact, there were a few parts of it where I didn't agree with what they said (maybe even rolling my eyes). This was why I gave it 4 stars.
December 12, 2022
Even though the book is 11 years old, it is still the most relevant advice for any time of relationship. This should be a must read for all people in the world. The questions are profound too and should be wrestled with. I will recommend this book often.
September 8, 2025
I was assigned this book for an interpersonal relations class that I was taking. It started out great and while I didn’t find anything wrong with it, I just felt it didn’t go nearly deep enough into the topics.
October 5, 2022
4.5*
Read it because my senior in high school is reading for a class.
Read it because my senior in high school is reading for a class.
December 9, 2022
read this for my child and fam class learning about different forms of relationships and families and honestly found it so interesting. that’s all, happy finals.
October 5, 2014
‘Real Relationships’ is written from a Christian perspective, but the faith aspect is quite low-key until the final chapter, which is about relating to God. Earlier chapters deal with human relationships of various kinds.
I thought the book was well-written and interesting. However it was annoying to discover that, to make the best use of it, I should also have bought a related workbook - costing almost as much as the book itself.
I considered the Kindle version of workbook; however the ‘look inside’ feature was so limited that there was no way to find out whether it would be helpful. I didn’t buy it - and doubt if I missed out on anything important - but the frequent directions to do another exercise became irritating.
Other than that, I thought it a helpful book which I would recommend to anyone who is interested in learning more about the ways in which relationships of many kinds can work.
I thought the book was well-written and interesting. However it was annoying to discover that, to make the best use of it, I should also have bought a related workbook - costing almost as much as the book itself.
I considered the Kindle version of workbook; however the ‘look inside’ feature was so limited that there was no way to find out whether it would be helpful. I didn’t buy it - and doubt if I missed out on anything important - but the frequent directions to do another exercise became irritating.
Other than that, I thought it a helpful book which I would recommend to anyone who is interested in learning more about the ways in which relationships of many kinds can work.
November 18, 2013
in this book, you will find how to know about
your relationship, feasible to be maintained or no,
and how to deal if you want cut/lose your relationship
basic knowledge about men and women
about sex before marriage
and relationship with god, in the last chapter i do not agree because a lot of religion, and every religion have different concept. and the author write about their opinion in christian view
your relationship, feasible to be maintained or no,
and how to deal if you want cut/lose your relationship
basic knowledge about men and women
about sex before marriage
and relationship with god, in the last chapter i do not agree because a lot of religion, and every religion have different concept. and the author write about their opinion in christian view
May 27, 2015
An amazing book. Could have used this a while ago, but I would have been too stupid to follow it most likely. The first chapter alone is worth the read, but his info on friends, romance, and God are outstanding. My only complaint is some of the sources are old that he cites (1993s), but I'm not sure how much changes in this line of research.
June 7, 2019
A Must Read
For everyone who likes matter of fact but creative delivery of deep and important topics, this book is a must read.
Nothing shapes our lives like relationships do: the relationship with ourselves, our family, the opposite sex and God.
This book puts it all in proper perspective.
For everyone who likes matter of fact but creative delivery of deep and important topics, this book is a must read.
Nothing shapes our lives like relationships do: the relationship with ourselves, our family, the opposite sex and God.
This book puts it all in proper perspective.
December 4, 2014
There was not much in this book that I did not know already. It does a lot of "how to identify problems' but does not present a lot of "how to solve those problems." Of the three books I was required to read for my psychology class, this one was probably my least favorite.
April 7, 2016
I read this book for a college class and LOVED it. While the workbook wasn't my favorite simply because I don't like self-help books, the text itself was written in a down-to-earth and thought-provoking way.
March 27, 2017
This was an easy to read, very engaging book. Insightful and applicable. Highly recommend for anyone (single or married or divorced) who wants to strengthen any relationship.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews