The Funniest Thing You Never Said: The Ultimate Collection of Humorous Quotations

by Rosemarie Jarski

The ultimate loo a laugh-out-loud collection of funny quotations from the classics to the contemporary. Looking for a stocking-filler gift or a Secret Santa present? LOOK NO FURTHER. This bestselling book has you covered...! 'Outstanding' - The Sunday Times
'Hysterical - what a good tonic' -- ***** Reader review
'The funniest book I have read in ages' -- ***** Reader review
'If you only ever get one quotations book - IT MUST BE THIS ONE!' -- ***** Reader review
'Addictive - once you pick it up you can't put it back down without trying to finish the chapter' -- ***** Reader review
'Pure class' -- ***** Reader review
****************************************************************************
Whether for the loo or bedside entertainment or as a work of reference or self-improvement, The Funniest Thing You Never Said is the biggest and best humorous quotation book there is - a complete one-stop shop of witty one liners . Quotations are ordered not by A-Z, but by thematic love; business; religion; celebrity; the animal kingdom, intellect; dating; hair - you name it, every category is covered . The collection includes all the classics from Oscar Wilde to Winston Churchill, Dorothy Parker to Groucho Marx but also mines many new hidden gems from lesser lights and includes many contemporary quotes by everyone from Jilly Cooper to Jonathan Ross . A standard companion for new collectors, and a fresh perspective for serious quotation addicts - this is the ultimate humourous quotation book and the perfect sure-fire-hit gift!

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Reference, History, Comedy

562 pages, Paperback

First published November 4, 2004

Reviews

[attqureshi · Rating 5 out of 5]

great book if you want to have a laugh and lighten your mood.

[Zahra Labbafan · Rating 3 out of 5]

کتاب رو حوض نقره به اسم
-طلاق؟ هرگز!
-قتل؟ گاهی!
با ترجمه هاله آذرنیا چاپ کرده

وقتی کتاب رو ده سال پیش خریدم فقط به خاطر اسمش بود :))
کتاب از جملات کوتاه افراد مختلف هست که بیشترشون جنبه طنز داره

[Thu Giang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun book to put in you living room to entertain guests.

[Dane Cobain · Rating 4 out of 5]

What we have here is a comprehensive collection of the wit and wisdom of the world’s foremost thinkers, from G. K. Chesterton and Margaret Thatcher to Harry Hill, Victoria Wood and Woody Allen. The book’s blurb claims that it contains “over 6,000 entries” and that it’s “the most comprehensive collection of humorous quotations there is.”

Of course, whether you agree with this or not will depend upon what your definition of ‘humorous’ is, as there’s no doubt that it’s comprehensive. It’s also very well edited, with no typos or layout errors creeping through as far as I can remember, and separated and sectioned neatly depending upon what the quotes are actually about. Jarski even emboldens some of her favourite quotes, or increases the font size for the best of the best so that they stand out.

You see, you’d better be prepared for an onslaught of quotations, because they’re coming fast and thick here – it’s not necessarily easy reading despite the humorous subject, but then this comedic book has a serious side. It’s a true reference book, a bible that you can refer back to in pretty much any situation to find the right riposte. Of course, the moment is usually gone by the time you manage to find what you’re looking for, but it’s the thought that counts.

Now, I have another three hundred words to fill, and so for the time being I’m going to throw a few of my favourite quotations from the back cover at you. “The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before,” said G. K. Chesterton. “I was so horrified when I read about the effects of smoking that I gave up reading,” replied Henry Youngman. “Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends,” countered Woody Allen.

That would be quite an epic dinner party, and one you’ll be able to recreate yourself once you’ve absorbed all of the wisdom that’s on offer. Sure, there are plenty of boring quotes in there alongside the good, but that’s always going to be the case with a book like this – how much you appreciate each of the quotes will depend upon your own perspective, and the ones that I enjoy are sure to be different to the ones that you like.

But that’s the magic of a book of quotations – you never quite know what you’re going to get, and every now and then one comes along at the right time and you seize upon it, and remember it forever. That exact feeling actually inspired me to collect a short book of quotations of my own, called ‘Inverted Commas‘; reading this book helped me to carry out my research, and it left me with a lasting impression of quality and professionalism.

So if you do need a book of quotations, especially if you like your quotations to be humorous rather than serious, then this is probably the book for you. If not, then you might be wise to avoid it, especially if you’re the kind of reader who hates to dip in and out of books and wants to read it from cover to cover. Like how I am.

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amusing collection that includes old & new. A few examples:

I can still enjoy sex at 75. I live at 76 so it's no distance. (Bob Monkhouse)

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot. (Steven Wright)

They say a woman's work is never done. All I'm saying is, maybe if you organised yourselves a bit better... (Jimmy Carr)

The problem with people who have no vices is that you can be pretty sure that they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. (Elizabeth Taylor)

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. ( Jean Paul Sartre)

My daughter thinks I'm nosey. At least that's what she wrote in her diary. (Jenny Abrams)

For birth control, I rely on my personality. (Milt Able)

I'm not afraid of heights but I'm afraid of widths. (Steven Wright)

When I want a peerage, I shall buy one like any honest man. (Lord Northcliffe)

Start off every day with a smile and get it over with. (W.C. Fields)

Et cetera - the expression that makes people think that you know more than you do. (Herbert Prochnow)

[Annie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dip in and out and pretend that you're Oscar Wilde or Dorothy Parker for ten minutes..

[Flying Rabbit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best purchase ever. If you need some comedy in life this is a book to go for, if you are not offended easily.

[Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This humour book is so comprehensive that you should read it only in small chunks, say a few pages at a time. If not, there's a chance you may laugh your [insert any organ] off and die. That would be a little too funny, wouldn't it?

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very very funny, yo dont need to read much at a time but the wit and the humour is brilliant.

[Noha Xu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in the coffeeshop, and the first sentence just made me laugh ^^ "i love mankind, it's people i can't stand". really want to get a copy, and put it on my shelf.

[Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I want to put a smile on my face I pull this off the shelf.

[أبو فاطمة 14 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bad taste in selection
Most of quotes are silly and not so funny!!