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For Parents Only: Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid
Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice take you inside the mind of teens and preteens through the same innovative approach that seized national attention in the best-selling books For Women Only, For Men Only, and For Young Women Only.
For every bewildered parent, there’s a kid longing to be understood. What parent hasn’t occasionally looked at their beloved but bewildering offspring and wondered, What in the world is he thinking? or Why is my sweet little girl acting like that? Feldhahn and Rice explore the results of a nationwide survey and personal interviews with more than 1,000 real-life teens and tweens to tackle those things parents often don’t “get” about their kids. You’ll hear first-hand about the longings that drive your kids’ seemingly illogical decisions, the truth behind those exasperating “attitude problems,” and what your children would tell you if they could trust you to truly listen.
For every bewildered parent, there’s a kid longing to be understood. What parent hasn’t occasionally looked at their beloved but bewildering offspring and wondered, What in the world is he thinking? or Why is my sweet little girl acting like that? Feldhahn and Rice explore the results of a nationwide survey and personal interviews with more than 1,000 real-life teens and tweens to tackle those things parents often don’t “get” about their kids. You’ll hear first-hand about the longings that drive your kids’ seemingly illogical decisions, the truth behind those exasperating “attitude problems,” and what your children would tell you if they could trust you to truly listen.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published September 11, 2007
41 people are currently reading
526 people want to read
About the author
Shaunti Feldhahn
96 books354 followersShaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 2 million copies in 23 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide.
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, is catalyzing a movement of kindness across the country and beyond. Dozens of prominent organizations and leaders are coming together to do The 30-Day Kindness Challenge, and encourage their followers to do the same.
Shaunti’s findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show and Focus on the Family, The New York Times and Cosmo. She (often with her husband, Jeff) speaks at 50 events a year around the world. Shaunti and her husband Jeff live in Atlanta with their teenage daughter and son, and two cats who think they are dogs.
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, is catalyzing a movement of kindness across the country and beyond. Dozens of prominent organizations and leaders are coming together to do The 30-Day Kindness Challenge, and encourage their followers to do the same.
Shaunti’s findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show and Focus on the Family, The New York Times and Cosmo. She (often with her husband, Jeff) speaks at 50 events a year around the world. Shaunti and her husband Jeff live in Atlanta with their teenage daughter and son, and two cats who think they are dogs.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
August 2, 2018
This is my first book read from this author. The authors gave good overview and good parenting tips to deal with kids overall behavior. Will recommend the book for all parents.
May 27, 2025
Good info especially for teens/pre-teens.
April 2, 2021
I read this some years ago when my daughter was in her early teens. I found it very helpful.
July 2, 2017
Definitely geared towards parents of teens or tweens so this was a great time for me to read. Nothing new or earth-shattering, but great reminders to treat my kids with dignity and respect and encourage their independence.
July 4, 2008
great book - strong message is allowing kids freedom and independence with tons of safety nets. Immensely helpful!!!
February 15, 2015
As a parent of a teen, reading "parenting" books help me to be more understanding, patient, and loving of my daughter. This book is very easy to read and has great, practical advice.
May 22, 2019
Shaunti Feldhahn, author of the bestselling For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, researches her subjects and analyzes the data in order to better understand her topics. In this latest book, she talked to children, primarily teens and preteens, about what was going on inside of them.
The authors came up with six interesting findings, based on a conflict between what we as parents think is happening versus what is really happening in the lives of children as they are growing up. They cover peer pressure, rejection of parents and values, rules and discipline, kids' views of parents' opinions and criticism, listening, and negative attitudes. For example, 'Kids say parents don't listen' is what parents think is happening. What the authors say is really happening is that 'Kids tend to stop talking because they perceive parents as rotten listeners but will open up when we prove we're safe and calmly acknowledge their feelings before addressing a problem.'
Each of the six main findings has its own chapter, where facts about each subject are presented. Then the next section walks parents through practical applications about what they can do in order to heal this disconnect between parents and children. Throughout the book, factual research, charts, graphs, and survey data provide more than just anecdotal evidence to support the authors' claims.
For Parents Only: Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid is an informative goldmine packed into a tiny package. Although the book is particularly geared toward issues that affect parents of preteens and teens, it would be helpful to read it for any age. The information can provide parents with a blueprint for how to approach those years, no matter what age their children are now.
Although the book contains some spiritual content, it isn't overtly religious and the values presented will ring true with every reader. If parents are seeking to know just what might be going through their child's head, this is an invaluable resource. The actual thoughts and feelings of young people are presented in a way that adults can ponder, and through them discover how to approach their children. If you have ever wondered, 'What is my child thinking?', For Parents Only can help you to open up the lines of communication and create a happier, healthier, and more stable relationship.
The authors came up with six interesting findings, based on a conflict between what we as parents think is happening versus what is really happening in the lives of children as they are growing up. They cover peer pressure, rejection of parents and values, rules and discipline, kids' views of parents' opinions and criticism, listening, and negative attitudes. For example, 'Kids say parents don't listen' is what parents think is happening. What the authors say is really happening is that 'Kids tend to stop talking because they perceive parents as rotten listeners but will open up when we prove we're safe and calmly acknowledge their feelings before addressing a problem.'
Each of the six main findings has its own chapter, where facts about each subject are presented. Then the next section walks parents through practical applications about what they can do in order to heal this disconnect between parents and children. Throughout the book, factual research, charts, graphs, and survey data provide more than just anecdotal evidence to support the authors' claims.
For Parents Only: Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid is an informative goldmine packed into a tiny package. Although the book is particularly geared toward issues that affect parents of preteens and teens, it would be helpful to read it for any age. The information can provide parents with a blueprint for how to approach those years, no matter what age their children are now.
Although the book contains some spiritual content, it isn't overtly religious and the values presented will ring true with every reader. If parents are seeking to know just what might be going through their child's head, this is an invaluable resource. The actual thoughts and feelings of young people are presented in a way that adults can ponder, and through them discover how to approach their children. If you have ever wondered, 'What is my child thinking?', For Parents Only can help you to open up the lines of communication and create a happier, healthier, and more stable relationship.
November 30, 2022
I am a big fan of her books (For Men Only, For Women Only). Once again, some well thought out tips that would benefit any parents. Highly recommend! Here's a few thoughts I found helpful:
If your kids do not understand the reason for the rules, they think you’re just trying to control them.
Children have an addiction to freedom.
Freedom is good, but unlimited freedom is not good.
Get to know your teenager as an individual.
Set specific expectations when it comes to rules.
Entrust your children to the Lord. They must understand they will give account to God, not you.
Although kids need to have their own identity, they would secretly appreciate their family having values and beliefs they can go back to if needed.
Although your kids are too cool to tell you, they are watching how you live.
Your kids need to become their own person, so help them instead of tell them what they have to think.
You need to be involved in your children’s lives instead of being oblivious.
Kids appreciate rules more when they understand the reason.
Take time to discuss why you do what you do.
Teach wrong vs. wise instead of wrong vs. right.
Kids need you to be vulnerable and admit your mistakes. It’s quite the opposite of how parents think, saying they are never wrong.
Kids want to know, and need to know, that you are going to be there for them no better how bad they mess up.
Asking at least one question a day shows you are interested in their lives.
Kids need you to hear their feelings and not just their words.
Freaking out, in the opinion of your children, is any strong emotional response.
Your children need you to stay calm even when they are not.
Your children need to be affirmed by you as their parents.
Address disrespect, but remain approachable.
If your kids do not understand the reason for the rules, they think you’re just trying to control them.
Children have an addiction to freedom.
Freedom is good, but unlimited freedom is not good.
Get to know your teenager as an individual.
Set specific expectations when it comes to rules.
Entrust your children to the Lord. They must understand they will give account to God, not you.
Although kids need to have their own identity, they would secretly appreciate their family having values and beliefs they can go back to if needed.
Although your kids are too cool to tell you, they are watching how you live.
Your kids need to become their own person, so help them instead of tell them what they have to think.
You need to be involved in your children’s lives instead of being oblivious.
Kids appreciate rules more when they understand the reason.
Take time to discuss why you do what you do.
Teach wrong vs. wise instead of wrong vs. right.
Kids need you to be vulnerable and admit your mistakes. It’s quite the opposite of how parents think, saying they are never wrong.
Kids want to know, and need to know, that you are going to be there for them no better how bad they mess up.
Asking at least one question a day shows you are interested in their lives.
Kids need you to hear their feelings and not just their words.
Freaking out, in the opinion of your children, is any strong emotional response.
Your children need you to stay calm even when they are not.
Your children need to be affirmed by you as their parents.
Address disrespect, but remain approachable.
November 16, 2017
I had this book for quite a while, but finally read it having two teen boys. I found it much more informative than I expected. The book is based in a survey they conducted with an extensive and diverse teenage population. The results are eye opening for me, as well as the authors. Basically, teens want to talk, they find security in parents setting limits, their array of emotions stem from the confusion caused by their rapidly changing minds and bodies and many more parent encouraging insights. A final conclusion they found is that teen boys want to be respected, and girls want to know they are loved. It starts early and practicing this approach with them goes a long way.
January 21, 2018
This book is geared toward parents of teens but I am glad I read it when I did. As a mother of young children I can already tell how it will help me now and in the future. This book helps the reader understand what may be going on in the minds of teenagers when they act in ways we do not expect. Great read! I will read it again in about five years.
May 26, 2018
I’ve read several of Shaunti’s books. While this is not the best of her books, it was an easy read.
I appreciate that her books are research based. I find reading someone’s opinion on parenting is not very useful. Not unless I can see how their kids turned out!
Reading research that involves interviewing teenagers I feel is more useful.
I appreciate that her books are research based. I find reading someone’s opinion on parenting is not very useful. Not unless I can see how their kids turned out!
Reading research that involves interviewing teenagers I feel is more useful.
August 26, 2019
This will be a useful book if you have been heavily exposed to Dobson-style parenting advice. If you are coming from a progressive mindset, attachment parenting theory, or a more egalitarian approach to family you will be left scratching your head and thinking, "are there really people out there who didn't know this already?" This book basically describes how to be a decent, respectful parent. If you remember how your wish your parents had treated you as a teenager (or if you had progressive parents that balanced freedom with responsibility) you won't need this book, either.
It's sad that such basic information is needed to educate so many parents but I'm glad it's finally reaching the deep pockets that have tried to keep it out for so long.
It's sad that such basic information is needed to educate so many parents but I'm glad it's finally reaching the deep pockets that have tried to keep it out for so long.
June 20, 2020
A Thought Provoking, Easy-to-Read Parenting Guide
There was so much in this book that I enjoyed. It's full of good, practical, common sense advice (based on the authors' research). I've no doubt that this book will have a positive and profound impact on the way I parent my teen.
There was so much in this book that I enjoyed. It's full of good, practical, common sense advice (based on the authors' research). I've no doubt that this book will have a positive and profound impact on the way I parent my teen.
January 20, 2021
This is such a great book, it's so insightful. The authors created a pole that hundreds of teenagers took and they have a lot of reallt practical advice for communicating with them. Read it before your children become teenagers!
July 8, 2017
I think this book is a great read for parents of teenagers. I'm reading a borrowed copy but want to buy my own so I can read it again.
November 13, 2017
Recommended for parents, especially those struggling with their kids. This really may help.
May 30, 2018
Limited information - good research findings but not much in application of this information
March 19, 2019
This book is full of common sense solutions on how to raise teens. It just made sense when I read it!! Loved the last 3 chapters.
April 10, 2019
After having read and enjoyed the Feldhahn's other books, we didn't hesitate to pick this one up and found it just as insightful, eye-opening, and easy to read as their previous works.
May 22, 2019
I liked it and I learned a lot. It was fun to see how my teenager agreed
May 21, 2020
A really helpful book if you want a look inside what your teen is thinking and feeling. I used it as a conversation starter with my teen and it was extremely revealing.
May 26, 2020
Such a great help!
January 1, 2021
Good reference and learned A lot about teens
July 16, 2021
I have read so many parenting books. I like this one because it is from the point of view of teenagers and explains why they act certain ways.
July 10, 2023
A data driven look at teenagers. It mostly confirmed things I already knew, but in ways that encouraged me that I wasn't going to drive my teen off the brink. I liked it
April 3, 2024
Starts slow, but then gains momentum and gives a lot of really helpful insights and suggestions of how to communicate to my teens.
July 5, 2024
Great advice for parents and a quick read, would definitely recommend.
January 14, 2014
Having read two other books in the series, I knew what to expect and it filled each of my expectations. The authors surveyed hundreds of teens and extrapolated what they really want from what they say they want. Armed with this information, you can (hopefully) better relate and guide your teen through adolescence.
The book is light and a quick read and I like that they have a lot of the data in the book itself, popping up as little graphs when they talk about a concept. The website also has links to the actual data if any amateur statisticians want to draw their own conclusions.
The advice given felt solid and I'm going to put it into practice as my own children get closer to the dreaded teen years. The only annoying thing I found in the book was the layout. Throughout the book, there would be callouts of words that I just read jumping out at me in the middle of a page. It felt like padding to make the book hit a certain length.
In conclusion, if you have teenagers, or will have some soon, it is certainly worth the short time it takes to read this book. There is some solid advice in there.
The book is light and a quick read and I like that they have a lot of the data in the book itself, popping up as little graphs when they talk about a concept. The website also has links to the actual data if any amateur statisticians want to draw their own conclusions.
The advice given felt solid and I'm going to put it into practice as my own children get closer to the dreaded teen years. The only annoying thing I found in the book was the layout. Throughout the book, there would be callouts of words that I just read jumping out at me in the middle of a page. It felt like padding to make the book hit a certain length.
In conclusion, if you have teenagers, or will have some soon, it is certainly worth the short time it takes to read this book. There is some solid advice in there.
November 25, 2007
This is by far the most practical, useful, and insightful book I've ever read in regards to parenting. Teens are the hardest to understand, but everything in For Parents Only makes total sense. I have two teenage boys and the scenarios describe them to a "T" to the point where I had to laugh. They really are typical teens. The tidbits of wisdom in this reader-friendly book are incredible and the advice should work if applied correctly. In fact, I tried a few things myself and the results were amazing. :)
Here are the chapter titles... Looking in on growing up, Rebel with a cause, Who are you?, The good thing about being the bad guy, I will be here for you, Can you hear me now?, Attitude adjustment, and In case you ever wonder. Now don't those chapter topics make you want to reference it? It's a quick read, but I guarantee if you get it you'll not only want to go back and review the subject matter every once in awhile, you'll want to get copies for your friends, too.
Here are the chapter titles... Looking in on growing up, Rebel with a cause, Who are you?, The good thing about being the bad guy, I will be here for you, Can you hear me now?, Attitude adjustment, and In case you ever wonder. Now don't those chapter topics make you want to reference it? It's a quick read, but I guarantee if you get it you'll not only want to go back and review the subject matter every once in awhile, you'll want to get copies for your friends, too.
February 12, 2014
What a great book that I will be able to refer back to when Xavier is older.
Are you having a hard time understanding your teenagers? This book could be very helpful in getting in their heads if they aren't willing to talk openly to you about why the act out. The writers interviewed a lot of teenagers about different subjects regarding parenting. You may be surprised to find out that peer pressure is not the main reason teens act out.
The words in this book could change the relationship you have with your teenagers if you are looking for it, no promises though.
Are you having a hard time understanding your teenagers? This book could be very helpful in getting in their heads if they aren't willing to talk openly to you about why the act out. The writers interviewed a lot of teenagers about different subjects regarding parenting. You may be surprised to find out that peer pressure is not the main reason teens act out.
The words in this book could change the relationship you have with your teenagers if you are looking for it, no promises though.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews