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Major BS: A Top Secret Mission
In this funny, satirical book -- which is available in ebook or paperback -- Molly Rowbottom is the latest in a long line to take charge of the family homestead near Canberra. Once it was the home of affluent graziers but now times are tough. Although the locals still look up to her, she is cash poor and has had to lease part of the land to a wind-power farm just to make ends meet. That's not enough though and the bank threatens to take it all: her home along with her heritage.
Enter Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe, a former mercenary, who has a much higher opinion of his own abilities than just about anyone else. He denigrates the homestead by calling it a mauseoleum, insists on calling Molly by the less common name of Millicent and covets the family knighthood she can never inherit because she's a daughter rather than a son.
"Don't worry, I have a plan," he tells her. "Have I ever let you down?
Enter Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe, a former mercenary, who has a much higher opinion of his own abilities than just about anyone else. He denigrates the homestead by calling it a mauseoleum, insists on calling Molly by the less common name of Millicent and covets the family knighthood she can never inherit because she's a daughter rather than a son.
"Don't worry, I have a plan," he tells her. "Have I ever let you down?
208 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2009
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About the author
John Martin
25 books187 followersI'm an Australian who writes funny novels with a dash of mystery and sometimes with a dollop of whodunnit. Heck, 2020 even brought out some black comedy from me.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
September 23, 2015
Major Billycock-Smythe is decidedly British; uppity, manipulative, clueless and full of…well, b.s. He could be a poster child for inappropriateness. But through his Australian misadventures involving Oobagoogu refugees, a snake, the Immigration Office, a reporter from the newspaper he calls the Daily Lemonsuck, he becomes quite humorous.
His seventh wife, Molly (who the Major insists on calling Millicent against her wishes) inherited the once grand estate, Rowbottom in Canberra, which the bank is about to take due to back payments. Major BS hatches a plan to retire from the Adventure Travel Business and start Crocodile Trainee, an executive training company that includes the executives actually swinging across a creek infested with killer crocodiles. As the Major says, “If someone slips into a crocodile’s jaws, well, they were probably just a liability to the company anyway.”
Major BS: A Top Secret Mission was an enjoyable read which elicited plenty of giggles (like when the Major indicated having a baby was an unfortunate side effect of rumpy pumpy.We all know people like the Major, someone we would prefer to laugh at from afar rather than sit next to on a bus or plane. There were likeable characters to offset the Major; his wife Molly/Millicent, his friend and second in command Bax, even his strange neighbor Bob Roberts. All in all, it was a bloody fun read, what?
His seventh wife, Molly (who the Major insists on calling Millicent against her wishes) inherited the once grand estate, Rowbottom in Canberra, which the bank is about to take due to back payments. Major BS hatches a plan to retire from the Adventure Travel Business and start Crocodile Trainee, an executive training company that includes the executives actually swinging across a creek infested with killer crocodiles. As the Major says, “If someone slips into a crocodile’s jaws, well, they were probably just a liability to the company anyway.”
Major BS: A Top Secret Mission was an enjoyable read which elicited plenty of giggles (like when the Major indicated having a baby was an unfortunate side effect of rumpy pumpy.We all know people like the Major, someone we would prefer to laugh at from afar rather than sit next to on a bus or plane. There were likeable characters to offset the Major; his wife Molly/Millicent, his friend and second in command Bax, even his strange neighbor Bob Roberts. All in all, it was a bloody fun read, what?
March 22, 2012
Right off the bat the "blah, blah blah, what?" sentences were driving me crazy! I know that the British people do speak like that, but it really distracted me.
I liked the local Aussie (especially Canberra) knowledge and felt that it made the story into something special to me because of it :)
Overall, I didn't love the story - I think I didn't appreciate the satirical humor enough, I think it was a little lost on me. What I did love was the characters, especially Molly and Bax and even good 'ol Bob too. I really didn't like Major B S, but that was the point wasn't it!
Thanks, John for the opportunity to read your book and for the couple of giggles your humor elicited from me. Will we ever find out what happens next?
Recommendations: I think that another strong handed editor could be useful to pick up the reasonably frequent issues (missed words, incorrect spelling, punctuation and double words).
Some things I noticed:
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x I noticed quite a few sentenced with double words at the beginning of the book (sorry I was on a plane when I was reading it, so I couldn't jot them down) - e.g. 'You don't you think..."
39% - "Need to know? Need to bleedin' know?You Don't you think I need to know how on earth we will be able to make this..."
72% - 'Molly did not know how much more of this she coud take - her at one end...'
74% - 'she hadhad gone without her tablets before and, living where she lived, in the sticks, most likely would again.'
79% - "Only thing that rivalled it were his darts - he kept those in a blue case in the top drawer in a cabinet next to his armchair."
*NOTE: Perhaps it's the accent/language choice of the character, but there seemed to be a lot of words missing in the dialogue through the story around Sir Rex*
81% - "Just because we're English, we have to drink tea, right?We'll Well I don't know about you but I..."
I liked the local Aussie (especially Canberra) knowledge and felt that it made the story into something special to me because of it :)
Overall, I didn't love the story - I think I didn't appreciate the satirical humor enough, I think it was a little lost on me. What I did love was the characters, especially Molly and Bax and even good 'ol Bob too. I really didn't like Major B S, but that was the point wasn't it!
Thanks, John for the opportunity to read your book and for the couple of giggles your humor elicited from me. Will we ever find out what happens next?
Recommendations: I think that another strong handed editor could be useful to pick up the reasonably frequent issues (missed words, incorrect spelling, punctuation and double words).
Some things I noticed:
Add
x I noticed quite a few sentenced with double words at the beginning of the book (sorry I was on a plane when I was reading it, so I couldn't jot them down) - e.g. 'You don't you think..."
39% - "Need to know? Need to bleedin' know?
72% - 'Molly did not know how much more of this she coud take - her at one end...'
74% - 'she had
79% - "Only thing that rivalled it were his darts - he kept those in a blue case in the top drawer in a cabinet next to his armchair."
*NOTE: Perhaps it's the accent/language choice of the character, but there seemed to be a lot of words missing in the dialogue through the story around Sir Rex*
81% - "Just because we're English, we have to drink tea, right?
May 23, 2012
Major BS: A Top Secret Mission was a delightful read.
As I started the book, a book I read as a teenager came back to me: The Mouse That Roared. The humor was (from what I remember of "The Mouse") somewhat similar....sort of farcical.
Major BS is a real character, a real self-centered sort, who is always creating havoc around himself, and unaware that he does so. He thinks he is a hero, and the rest of the world just doesn't appreciate him.
The Major runs a tour company, gets into trouble by being captured with his tour group, escapes, goes back to rescue them but grabs the wrong people. He gets them back to his home in Australia and has further misadventures along the way to trying to start a new business training executives.
What is "sad" is that there are people very much like Major BS in life.
This book was a Goodreads/First Reads book.
As I started the book, a book I read as a teenager came back to me: The Mouse That Roared. The humor was (from what I remember of "The Mouse") somewhat similar....sort of farcical.
Major BS is a real character, a real self-centered sort, who is always creating havoc around himself, and unaware that he does so. He thinks he is a hero, and the rest of the world just doesn't appreciate him.
The Major runs a tour company, gets into trouble by being captured with his tour group, escapes, goes back to rescue them but grabs the wrong people. He gets them back to his home in Australia and has further misadventures along the way to trying to start a new business training executives.
What is "sad" is that there are people very much like Major BS in life.
This book was a Goodreads/First Reads book.
April 30, 2012
This was a humorous and interesting read. It kept me going but it did take a bit for me to get into the flow of it. This Major character I sometimes felt sorry for but other times I wanted to give him a swift kick in the butt. Martin has an quirky style that is one of a kind.
quirky-odd-weird-fiction
September 23, 2013This sounds like a keeper!
October 19, 2016
Well Major BS is certainly full of major B.S.!!! Major Billycock-Smythe is the quintessential sociopath who you are just waiting to get his comeuppance! You are drawn into his ever increasing warped thinking and unapologetic personality, wondering just how the goofball is going to get out of this one. Some quirky situations arise that keep you guessing and wanting to just wring his neck. Oh course, his unsuspecting victims whom he steamrolls over only add to the whole frustration and guffaws of what the SOB is able to come up with. An entertaining and roustabout story that I would have had no complaints had it ended like The Orient Express! Instead, I will be on the lookout for him 'round the next corner.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews