Herself When She's Missing

by Sarah Terez Rosenblum

Cry Wolf saved Andrea's life, or that's how she likes to tell it. Forever in search of spiritual fulfillment, Andrea has rejected everything from religion to eating disorders, in favor of "I'm-with-the-band" style fanaticism, all centered on Cry Wolf, a brother-sister folk/rock duo with an eccentric hodgepodge of followers. When Andrea meets fellow groupie Jordan outside a concert, their connection is Jordan is powerfully seductive, and Andrea is intrigued by Jordan’s lawless ways. Their romance escalates as they follow Cry Wolf around the country, but as Jordan becomes increasingly manipulative and unreliable, Andrea begins to realize that her passion for Jordan has turned into yet another addiction. The first time Jordan leaves her, Andrea flees Los Angeles for Chicago, almost relieved, and almost ready to start fresh. But when Jordan arrives unannounced on Andrea’s doorstep, Andrea can’t help it; she’s thrilled.

Meet tightly wound, mid-20s, teacher, hotter than she gives herself credit for, less clever than she believes.

Meet LA-skinny, ocean eyes, early-40s, perpetual undergraduate student, a liar who believes her own lies.

Post-modern in form (lists, 3x5 cards, even the occasional screenplay), but classical in a tale of a girl desperate for something like, but not quite love.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Lesbian, Queer, Romance

272 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2012

About the author

Sarah Terez Rosenblum’s work has appeared in literary magazines such as The Hopkins Review, The Pinch (forthcoming 2024), The Normal School, Prairie Schooner (Shortlisted for Prairie Schooner’s Summer 2020 Creative Nonfiction Prize) and Calyx Press among others. In 2023 Sarah was a finalist for Kenyon Review’s Short Nonfiction Contest and Sarah’s new novel manuscript, The Idea of Heat was a semifinalist for Black Lawrence Press's 2023 Big Moose prize. Sarah’s novel, Herself When She's Missing, was called “poetic and heartrending" by Booklist. Sarah is a Creative Coach and Developmental Editor, and teaches creative writing at Story Studio where she was voted 2022 Teacher of the Year, and at The University of Chicago Writer’s Studio where she was the 2022 winner of The Innovation in Teaching Award.

Reviews

[Carol Anshaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is love as darkness, passion that hollows one out and leaves only a husk behind. If they make a movie of this, Leonard Cohen will sing the theme song. A compelling read for anyone who has ever fallen victim to this particular form of insanity. Which is to say, nearly everyone.
I am a friend of Sarah, but couldn't find the way to mark this as a friend review. Nonetheless, I want to be upfront about this.

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite line: "She likes me the way a thief likes a loose screen." Something like that. The writing itself is beautiful and lyrical. The characters really got to me. I connected so much with Andrea. I really haven't read anything like this book before. The way it functions in past and present, the stuff about fandom--lots of innovative stuff.

[Liralen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oof. Hard to get through: so much of the book is subsumed by this toxic, festering relationship that Andrea has with Jordan. I found one moment, almost halfway through the book, when Jordan is palatable:

That Jordan seems to understand the dark water, that she knows exactly how to react surprises Andrea. Once when it hits they're driving into downtown Los Angeles, the air soft and warm, the buildings endlessly tall against the dark sky.

"I know," Jordan says, without looking at Andrea.

"What?" Andrea surfaces. She's fighting the current though she hasn't said a word.

"It's all too big and too much, but beautiful too. Makes you lonely, or not lonely; it makes you want something without knowing what."

"I'm so scared of dying." Andrea says.

"Me too." Jordan's hand, warm, small, strong, covers Andrea's. She relaxes as the waters recede. (107)

It's a nice moment—but that's it. The rest of the book, Jordan is manipulative and calculating; she's petty, racist, emotionally abusive, sometimes physically abusive; she's wasteful, a slob, embezzles money...the list goes on. If this were a romance novel, she'd be the Evil Ex. It's not that the book isn't aware of that: it's crystal clear. Everyone in Andrea's life is aware of it. Andrea is aware of it. The book isn't trying to paint a picture of a healthy relationship. But...the things the book is trying to do are, for me, so completely overwhelmed by the toxicity of the relationship that I struggled to finish reading. Just...too much for me, I guess.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible novel. I just had to post a review specifically to counter one reader's classification of this book as a "romance novel." While it is about a (very dysfunctional) relationship, it is NOT, I repeat NOT a romance novel. I mean, it's just not. The language and character development place this novel squarely in the literary fiction category and to say otherwise is to expose literary naivete.

I won't go into the plot of the book, but I will say this writer's language and character development is outstanding. Her phrasology is wonderful. It is true the book isn't written with a traditional, chronological structure, and that at times, this can be *slightly* confusing, but it also adds a richness to the book. It's written as if you were talking to someone who was remembering a past relationship. Memories would not come to mind necessarily in chronological order.

Also, I should address briefly the fact that this is a book about lesbians. (Oh my!) Yes, it's about lesbians, but you absolutely do not have to be lgbt to enjoy this book. The dysfunctional nature of the relationship between the two main characters transcends sexual orientation and is interesting, often a bit disturbing, but also humorous. I'm straight and married to a man and this is truly one of my favorite books.

PS -- I'm from Chicago, but I do not know the author (though I wish I did!)

[Tess · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Herself When She's Missing”, is sexy, smart and edgy. Sometimes I read a book and think "I could have written that," but not so with this book. Instead I thought, "I guess there is a lot more to writing than I thought." I was continually surprised by the clever use of language and the interesting characters. It is so real--everything about it is believable. The use of lists, Venn diagrams, pictures, and facebook posts is simply brilliant and creates an immersive, true-to-contemporary-life experience. I am Adrienne, Jordan, and Andrea. We all are.

[Christine · Rating 1 out of 5]

The story is about a one-sided, emotionally abusive relationship. I had to stop reading it - just had no desire to finish.

[Diana Gutiérrez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Empecé pensando que era una forma muy interesante de contar una historia sobre una relación abusiva. El libro se me desinfló enseguida porque me costaba entender dónde y en qué punto estaba la protagonista en cada momento y, además, la historia de su relación obsesiva con Cry Wolf, que era algo que también me interesaba, parecía sobrar. Estuve pensando en dejarlo...

... Pero me ocurrió algo: hacia poco más de la mitad (en torno al esperado encuentro entre la amiga y Jordan), el libro recupera fuerza y esos "fragmentos" cobran sentido para revelarnos a una protagonista que se quiere tan poco que se prefiere "cuando no está". El retrato de Andrea en esta parte final es muy interesante y se entiende mejor qué le da un personaje como Jordan en esa relación tan tóxica. Hasta ahora, los libros acerca de esto que he leído han sido muy en blanco y negro, así que me alegra ver tantos matices.

Muy desigual y creo que sobran páginas y la mitad de los diagramas, pero realmente original. Pensaré sobre este libro.

[Sarah Kae · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the insight into Andrea's character. I find that I have similar thinking patterns to her and the way that I deal with things. However, I did find that the timeline of the book was confusing at parts and I had to reread pages to be sure I was understanding what was happening. I did feel like the book abruptly ended and there was no real conclusion to the story. All in all, I did really enjoy the book and related strongly to Andrea and her obsession/infatuation with Jordan.

[Molly Timmons · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rounding a 3.5 up!

I wanted to read this book as I worked with the author on a creative writing course and loved what she taught. I felt that the story jumped around a little too much for my liking but it was very well written other than that, in the respect that I had to re-read a few lines as I loved them so much. All in all, an interesting read.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This novel kept me unbalanced, furious, heartbroken, laughing, and weirdly nostalgic(?), often all at the same time.

[Tam]

I LOVE THE PROSE AND ALSO IT VEXES ME

lesbian disaster 8/8

[Matt Riedl · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have never read a romance novel before in my life, but after reading many positive reviews and all the pre-release buzz about this novel, I figured I would give it a try. I am a straight man, but I definitely believe love is love, and that's what I wanted - a love story.

This book is very unique in the way it is written, including hand-drawn diagrams, that while charming, really add little to the story. The dialogue can be a little clunky at times and sometimes the phrasing just doesn't make a lot of sense.

My main problem with this book is that it is very hard to follow the chronological order of events. Just when I think I've figured out events are happening in the present, a memory from years ago is thrown in and once again I get confused. It is confusing to know where exactly Andrea lives at what time, when you're reading this. Just the way this story is organized does not make sense to me.

A lot of these hangups probably stem from my inexperience with the genre as a whole. More veteran romance readers will probably find this a very touching novel - don't get me wrong; it is a charming story if you can follow it. I enjoyed Andrea's dry sense of wit and at times this novel was quite humorous. The conclusion, I felt, was unsatisfying though.

For a first novel, this is not bad. Just all the experimentation with different methods of storytelling makes this read more like a study into Obsessive Compulsive Disorder rather than the love story it's billed to be.

[Kaylie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The minute I finished reading, I wanted to start again. I loved the way the author moves back and forth through time-it felt very real--like a real person's thought process.
I was ashamed by how much I identified with Andrea. I think we've all been where she is, or known someone who has.
I hope that just because this book is called "lesbian" contemporary fiction doesn't mean that it gets marginalized. It's so much bigger than sexual identity: it's about self.
I'd compare the writer to Jennifer Egan, James Joyce, Lorrie Moore.

[Maureen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah Rosenblum is an extremely talented writer. She has an accurate and precise eye for the telling detail and some of her images still haunt me long after I finished the book. She gets close to psychological darkness and yet she knows when to ironically pull back. Both Andrea and Jordan are real- she gives them so much depth and complexity that neither of them can be easily dismissed. This is her debut novel and I look forward to reading everything that will follow.

[Marla · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this book through the goodreads giveaway. The writing is really good but sometimes it was confusing at what was going on with the unexpected flashbacks that you didn't know immediately were flashbacks. I had a hard time sympathizing with the two main characters and found they were a little too obsessive for me. But Sarah does have talent and is a very good writer.

[Jess]

I think if I had related at all to the characters it would have been a much better book. If you have ever been in a super unhealthy relationship with someone you will probably identify with the protagonist. Oddly formatted, kinda jumpy, it took me a bit sometimes to figure out what year was being talked about.

[Heatherblakely · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't understand why so many people gave this five stars. It was fine, but nothing special. It jumped around a lot, there was no clear resolution, and calling the love interest (if that's what you want to call her) the "Criminal Mastermind" made me roll my eyes more than once. The story just didn't feel complete, and this read like someone's BFA Fiction thesis. Good thing it was a quick read.

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read slowly on purpose, wanting to savor each nuanced sentence. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever made romantic mistakes or watched someone else make them. Herself When She's Missing is sometimes funny, often disturbing, and always rings true.

[Philly Aesthete · Rating 2 out of 5]

The writing itself is stellar, the clearest distillation of thoughts & ideas, but I simply never came to care for the 2 main characters nor for the almost microscopic view into their f!cked up relationship/love affair. My progress through this novel was slow & painful.

[Meghan McDonald Carlson of Texas, Maryland · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's been awhile since I read this . . . There are a few things that stick out, still:
1) I liked the writing
2) The characters were pretty compelling, even if their complications made them difficult to love
3) I learned a lot about lesbian sex

[Erin O'Neill · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST read!!! Make sure to preorder this book now. Brilliant first novel by an incredible writer...

[Queenie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why don't more people know about this book? Best thing I've read in 2012.

[Ben]

Herself When She's Missing is part of a grand experiment in trying to utilize art to capture what love is, the pain, the slights, the rush, smell, touch and taste.

[Freddie Levin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please read this first novel by a brilliant young author. You won't be sorry.