The Sum of My Parts: A Survivor's Story of Dissociative Identity Disorder

by Olga Trujillo JD

By the first day of kindergarten, Olga Trujillo had already survived years of abuse and violent rape at the hands of her tyrannical father. Over the next ten years, she would develop the ability to numb herself to the constant abuse by splitting into distinct mental “parts.” Dissociative identity disorder (DID) had begun to take hold, protecting Olga’s mind from the tragic realities of her childhood.
In The Sum of My Parts , Olga reveals her life story for the first time, chronicling her heroic journey from survivor to advocate and her remarkable recovery from DID. Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, DID is defined by the presence of two or more identities. In this riveting story, Olga struggles to unearth memories from her childhood, and parallel identities—Olga at five years old, Olga at thirteen—come forth and demand to be healed. This brave, unforgettable memoir charts the author’s triumph over the most devastating conditions and will inspire anyone whose life has been affected by trauma.

Genres: Memoir, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Biography, Mental Illness, Biography Memoir

258 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 1, 2007

Reviews

[Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Sum of My Parts" is the courageous account of Olga Trujillo's experiences with Dissociative Identity Disorder and the understanding of how her experiences led to its development. In the book, she tells her story of how she endured a sexually abusive, neglectful childhood, and created distinct dissociative identities as a coping mechanism to shield herself from the physical and mental pain she endured. In the course of her life, she learned of the existence of these identities, and in addressing them she endured many heartaches as she started knocking down her walls while discovering the truth of her past. Yet, in the process, she was also able to achieve much in her career and form healthy relationships that brought her joy and comfort. She was also able to come to terms with her experiences as she tells of the rocky road getting there, but reflects on finding the courage to speak about her experiences and help other trauma victims in her work.

I don't think I can put words to say how much this book touched me in its narrative. I felt for Trujillo in her personal reflections through her experiences and on the road through her recovery. She gives an open, articulate account, showing a resilience in her narrative while at the same time reflecting on moments where she was vulnerable. I think its the kind of memoir that will resonate for a long time with its readers and show that it is possible to find a road to survival. The first seven chapters of this were difficult to read, because it is a detailed account of the physical and sexual abuse she experienced as a child. It's not graphic, but as Trujillo notes at the beginning of the book, it can be triggering for some readers. It's a wonderfully touching, engrossing story, and I highly admire her courage and eloquence in telling it.

Overall: 4.5/5

Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher New Harbinger Publications.

[Yen · Rating 5 out of 5]

El libro más fuerte que he leído en mi vida. Diría, y de hecho la autora lo dice al inicio, que los seis primeros capítulos son muy duros y recomienda saltarlos a las personas sensibles... No es un libro para todos, si vais a leerlo hacedlo en un momento que os sintáis fuertes y preparados.

A parte de esto, ayuda muchísimo a comprender en profundidad el TID, y como futura profesional de trauma y disociación me ha a ayudado a ver lo que me espera con pacientes.

[Angi · Rating 5 out of 5]

First of this book deals heavily with child abuse and if that’s a topic you can’t read about, don’t read this book!
The first half of the books is Olga telling her story, starting with the first sexual abuse from her father when she was just three years old.
This first half was very heavy to read but I think very important to understand the struggle she had while being in therapy and also to understand how someone develops DID (dissociative identity disorder).
While this part got me very sad, because I think no child in the world should ever experience such traumatic events, it also made me angry at the people around her. I do get the times where different in the 60s but it still got me angry how no one did something.
After the first heartbreaking part it’s all about her therapy and the hard way she had to go.
This part was super interesting and helpful to get a better understanding about DID and how much pain it costs if you want to be able to have a good live with DID.
Olga truly is a very strong woman and I feel it’s great that she is helping so many others with sharing her story!

[Chrizette · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very difficult book to read. I have never known anyone that have been abused but I can imagine it must be devastating. The first six chapters telling the hell that Olga went through was horrible. Here and there, I had to skip a paragraph as it just seemed unbearable, even for an outsider.

It is a miracle that Olga survived, physically as well as mentally. Her mind protected her, making different rooms where some of the bad could hidden. But this wonderful self preservation also caused her to “forget” the abuse, giving her parents the opportunity to sell her again and again. It was heartbreaking reading about her excitement for a special date with her parents, knowing what was really in store for her.

After the first chapters, we learn about the long road that Olga had to walk to become the woman she is today. She had developed a multiple personality disorder and has a few identities, only identified by her age at the time that they were formed. Three was the first personality that entered her consciousness when she started her sessions with her doctor. Three described the “first” rape by her father. Olga was devastated. How could she continue, knowing what the past held?

Even with all her success (both professionally and personally) there is still some days that she does not pick up the warning signs. Some days are just too much. Some days she falls back into the awful self destructive routines. I understand that this type of book will never have a “happy ending” but it was hard to know that Olga struggles, even today. She is a very brave woman and I take off my hat to her . . .

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good!! Olga is amazing for having suffered so much, endured a TOUGH healing process, and now sharing her story with world, in hopes of helping other people who have experienced sexual assault, child abuse, and domestic violence. The way she talks about her therapy and growth is so inspiring. I feel like I can be a better clinician after having read her book and seeing how her therapist guided her towards healing.

[Valerie Espinal · Rating 5 out of 5]

My professor recommended we read this book and I’m so glad I made the time for it. Aside from the brutal recounts of physical, sexual, and mental abuse— this story is real and raw. I recommend this to anyone who works in the mental health field, or has an interest in it. It isn’t an easy read and I definitely had to put it down a few times, but it’s worth it. Praying for Olga and all survivors, always.

[Sierra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Educational, eye-opening, and hopeful.

I couldn’t put this book down. I quickly became invested in Olga’s story. This book was extremely eye-opening in so many ways. It shows the power of the mind and that healing is possible. I can now say I have a greater understanding of DID and I feel great knowing more about such a stigmatized disorder.

[Lore LongSoulSystem · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly triggering. A strong woman. I recommend this when talking about OSDD1a or alters who have amnesia but aren't as different.

[Tiff · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. So. Much.

[Laura Sío · Rating 5 out of 5]

Empecei a lelo e non o puiden soltar. Olga Trujillo conta a súa historia persoal de abusos, neglixencia, e sobre todo de dor: sen eufemismos e sen anestesia. Comparte como a disociación permitiu que sobrevivira e como marca a ferro o abuso.
Para quen queira achegarse ó mundo do efecto das vivencias traumáticas e entender ás víctimas: a culpabilidade, a vergoña, a vulnerabilidade…rompendo cos estigmas e prexuicios relacionados cos abusos.

Pena as numerosas fallas de ortografía/impresión e a traducción que é mellorable.

[Molly Brennan · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the most traumatizing book I’ve ever read. Huge trigger warning

[Leah Goetz · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is the hardest book i’ve ever had to rate. normally, i give 5 stars if I couldn’t put the book down. I put this book down at least 1,000 times. i was enthralled and disgusted the entire time. i’m not sure if i’ll ever recommend this book to anyone because it was really that upsetting at times. but if you’re interested in learning more about DID and have a strong stomach, you won’t be able to stop thinking about Olga.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very powerful book. And by that I mean it is also very disturbing by nature of the subject matter - which is that anyone who has DID has it because they’ve gone through unspeakably horrific abuse/traumatic experiences at a young age. I cannot for the life of me understand the reviews of this book that give it 3 or less stars because “the abuse was hard to read about”. There is nothing wrong with the way Trujillo describes the abuse she faced; in fact, she gave plenty of warning at the beginning (even noting that she was leaving out details that weren’t absolutely necessary to include).

The reason I am giving this four stars instead of five is because I felt she could’ve added more content on what DID actually is - could’ve given a broader scope. I knew a good amount coming in to the book, but if I hadn’t, I think I may have been drawn to believe that her experience was the “standard” experience, when in fact it is just one of many. For example - while she does not have complete amnesia between her many parts (she can retain her own consciousness while they are also present), others do.

Maybe this is an error in my own interpretation, maybe others feel the same. I think this is an incredible read if you’re looking for the very personal, intimate experience of someone’s DID development. If you’re looking for something a little broader, perhaps more explanation of why or how this occurs in the first place (and why it occurs in some and not others), then a different book may be the right choice/good to read first.

Ending on positives because overall this was an impactful book: it does a great job of de-stigmatizing DID. It delves into why DID is more of a superhero tool than it is a mental illness. It portrays the stark reality of what someone with DID has faced in order to be diagnosed. And it shows someone’s experience being relatively “high functioning” as an adult.

The descriptions for the first half of the book are brutal, so beware. But if you’re in the right place mentally, you’ll gain an appreciation for what Trujillo went through.

[Pam Camel · Rating 5 out of 5]

"By the first day of kindergarten, Olga Trujillo had already survived years of abuse and violent rape at the hands of her tyrannical father. Over the next ten years, she would develop the ability to numb herself to the constant abuse by splitting into distinct mental “parts.” Dissociative identity disorder (DID) had begun to take hold, protecting Olga’s mind from the tragic realities of her childhood.In The Sum of My Parts, Olga reveals her life story for the first time, chronicling her heroic journey from survivor to advocate and her remarkable recovery from DID. Formerly known as multiple personality disorder, DID is defined by the presence of two or more identities. In this riveting story, Olga struggles to unearth memories from her childhood, and parallel identities—Olga at five years old, Olga at thirteen—come forth and demand to be healed. This brave, unforgettable memoir charts the author’s triumph over the most devastating conditions and will inspire anyone whose life has been affected by trauma."

This book is haunting and shows you the resilience of the author. What she went through and how she has managed to protect herself and survive. Many think of DID as rendering a person non-functioning or something like The United States of Tara. This book shows you that people with DID can be fully functioning adults. Yes they have had a traumatic past but they have this will to survive and protect themselves which causes their mind to take on a amazing task of protection.

The author herself has a disclaimer at the start of the book that if you are a victim or find it hard to read graphic details of abuse go ahead and skip ahead to chapter 7. Even by skipping the first chapters if you need to you still get a clear picture of the authors strength though the worst abuse many can image.

[Leslie Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm in awe and great support of anyone who can emerge a stronger and better person for having endured such horrific acts of abuse and neglect (emotional, in this case). I found myself equally disgusted and intrigued with Olga Trujillo's horrific story...at times I just wanted to stop reading, and in other instances I wanted to forge ahead to learn how the story ended, what became of her tormentors.

So, regarding my rating...three stars is "I liked it,' but certainly is not "amazing." I think that's fair given the subject matter of the book (extreme incest, mental illness, grief, and coming to terms with oneself). Olga Trujillo presents as an honest and complex person dealing with the after-effects of such a troubling childhood. How my heart aches for her and the countless other victims. When I rate a book, I look at all aspects of the story: the plot, arc, characters, and the writing itself. This is one in which I felt the story and writing could have been bolstered with a narrative story-telling and less self-help. I also wanted to know what psychologically happened to the father that caused him to be so abusive. For example, an in-depth backstory into his family of origin would have been fascinating, but perhaps this is unknown to the author.

Still, I learned so much about MPD/Disocciative Identity Disorder (DID) and Olga's story helped put a lot of things into perspective regarding abuse.

Again, I'm in complete awe how Olga took a dreadful childhood of abuse and turned it into a lifetime of advocacy.

For all of my reviews, including author interviews, please see: www.leslielindsay.com

[Leah E · Rating 5 out of 5]

This uniquely beautiful story is giving me a lot of perspective into my own work and research and the experiences of people I care about. I started and finished it quickly today, and although I had anticipated it being a very painful read, I feel relatively unscathed. I think this is due to Olga's emphasis on joy and kindness and love in her recounting of violence and survival.

My great concern in recommending it is whether such healing is available to victim/survivor readers who are unable to afford the kind of intensive psychological support Olga was able to access. I could see this book speaking to survivors who cope with their past in similar ways, but I can also see it tearing open memories that they then are unable to push back into the near distance of dissociation. Fortunately, Olga provides a warning in a note to the reader at the very front of the book.

[howsoonisnow · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's extremely hard to comprehend how someone could do that to their own child, and extraordinary that Trujillo is the success she is today. She has the ingenuity and immense resilience of her brain to thank for that. Trujillo covers the horrific experiences of her childhood in bland childlike prose, and details the adults around her that helped save certain aspects of her childhood and her life, through their kindness and understanding. Even so, such kindness was disturbingly limited, in the days back then of minding ones own business and keeping ones nose out of their peoples' family problems. Trujillo also doesn't really manage to convey the sense of terror and dissociation she endured during her formative years, nor does she really convey what it is truly like to have DID, the latter of which is particularly imperative for a memoir such as this.

[Amanda Lambrechts · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was tough to read and left me in a puddle of tears throughout. Olga describes the sexual and physical abuse she endured as a child at the hands of her father and two brothers. She describes how she stored away those memories and dissociated to help protect herself. The second half of the book she shares of how she began to put the pieces together as an adult of her childhood trauma. It is a heartbreaking memoir. Olga is a very brave, intelligent and strong woman making a huge impact of the lives of other survivors.

Highly recommend this book but do want to give a content warning for the details of child rape and abuse.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are sensitive to physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, I’d advise not reading this book. I suffer from no psychological disorders that are related to this novel yet I felt extreme anxiety when reading the atrocities Olga endured. The brutality described is not something for the faint of heart but is incredibly important when learning the facts about dissociative identity disorder. Olga’s road to recovery is incredibly enlightening and powerful as she struggles learning about her past. This is a novel sure to stick with readers for a long time.

[Áurea Ferrandis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Siendo una autobiografía de una mujer que tiene (o tuvo) TID, podemos entender que este no va a ser un libro fácil de leer. Los primeros 7 capítulos son muy crudos y aunque la autora no es muy explícita (cosa que agradezco), su lectura sigue siendo complicada. La segunda parte, la de su recuperación me gustó mucho. Es un libro (a pesar de todo) inspirador y sinceramente admiro como la autora fue capaz de buscar ayuda, de sobrellevar todas las cosas horribles que le ocurrieron y tener un futuro tan brillante.

[BMR, LCSW · Rating 5 out of 5]

May be triggering for graphic rape and domestic violence. I had to stop reading a few times because it was so brutal...and it was all true.

An incredible story of survival and resilience in the face of truly unspeakable abuse perpetrated by the author's own immediate family.

The brain is an awesome thing, what it can help us survive is just incredible...

Recommended for: anyone who works with survivors of trauma, especially childhood sexual abuse.

[Cece · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very very difficult to read, and I still find myself thinking about this book and feeling the secondhand trauma even after months of reading it. At the same time, I think it is a book that anyone in the helping profession and education should read. My heart goes out to you, Ms. Trujillo, and every time I think about you or this book, I sincerely pray that you are healing, and that no children ever have to go through what you had to.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story of human depravity AND human resilience. Olga Trujillo's childhood was filled with abuse of all kinds and she developed DID to cope with the abuse. But she survived all of this. Her story is both inspiring (due to her courage and the support of many people around her) and horrifying (how could her family act in this way). A difficult but important book.

[Josefina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Leer este libro se sintió como acompañar a Olga, su autora, bajar por los 7 infiernos y salir recuperada, luego, los últimos capítulos y el prólogo me dejó una sensación cálida, te hace maravillarte con su resiliencia y la tranquilidad de saber que llegó a un buen momento de su vida. Ella recomienda saltarse al capítulo 7 en adelante para aquellos supervivientes que puedan gatillarse con su relato: leer a discresión.
Efectivamente los primeros 7 capítulos son crudos, duros de leer y destrozadores. Sin embargo, va hilando su experiencia de agresiones y trauma con los momentos en que se sintió vista y cuidada por otros, verdaderos tesoros.
Lo que describe notablemente es la experiencia interna de alguien que vive con TID, de forma respetuosa y alejada de los retratos clichés. Por un momento se vuelve denso leer sobre todo lo que vivió y que le generó el TID, sin embargo creo que ella lo describe desde una perspectiva política: muchas veces es tan duro leer sobre los niveles de perversión humana que da ganas de mirar para al lado, evitar. Sin embargo, entender que estas experiencias no solo son posibles sino que ocurren más veces de la que a uno le gustaría, genera la posibilidad de culturas más cuidadoras y preventivas.

[Ambar Vargas · Rating 5 out of 5]

De este tipo de libros que son autobiográfico, me es imposible dar menos calificación porque no soy quien para juzgar la historia que cuenta ni juzgar su forma de llevar su vida ante tales acontecimientos.

Solo puedo decir que realmente este mundo está lleno de mucha maldad y es difícil de creer al extremo que se puede llegar.

Deteste con mi ser a su familia, me dolió leer los primeros 6 capítulos y creo que me salte más bien un capítulo por pura rabia.

Amé la profesionalidad, la ética y el tacto o amor con el que trabajó su psiquiatra.

Es un libro que no se puede leer solo por hobby y menos lo lean por morbo, porque es un tema tan delicado que no veo la forma de juzgarlo. Eso sí, por favor lean las advertencias que la misma autora da al inicio del libro y léanlo en tiempos donde no se sientan inestables emocionalmente.

Solo puedo finalizar diciendo Olga, Olguita te admiro y te respeto por toda tu historia y superación.

[Natalie Tufte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very heavy true story about a gal who experienced horrific abuse as a child and developed dissociative identity disorder because of it. It talks a little about the trauma and a lot about how it affected her moving forward and how she found healing. I love to learn and better understand people from every background and this helped me have new understanding of how the brain can guard us from trauma. As a Christian I was sad to see no spiritual healing and I wished I could talk with the author that along with all the helpful therapy she was enduring to heal that we have a God who can make her feel more safe than any person or circumstance or response. It was a heavy read and if you’ve experienced any kind of abuse it may be triggering for you but there is a good guide in the front that can help people skip those parts if need be.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

My review is definitely biased as I am more comparing our lives than the book. I also have DID and it was difficult to read this book, not because of the violence in it, but because Olga has had access to resources, money, formal education and supportive partners far beyond what any other survivor I know has. At one point she is doing double sessions of therapy five times a week…I don’t know anyone who has access to that kind of support and it’s heartbreaking.

So I find it a good book to introduce people who don’t know about DID to the issue, but not a good book for survivors who likely are already familiar with these levels of violence and the experience of parts but who rarely have the same levels of privilege or access to support and resources that Olga does.

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. Olga wrote a very compelling story about her own life and trauma. I have worked with many DID clients and she describes it so well. I feel that this book can be educational for therapists who are working with clients with DID and for clients with DID who feel alone and scared. I applaud Olga's courage, tenacity and capacity to heal.

If you ware a therapist, this is an excellent read. A page turner just for the story in and of itself.

Thank you, Olga, for an excellent contribution to this world.

[Surena S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a phenomenal story! I very much enjoyed reading this book. Going through the life of Olga Trujillo has taught me a lot about why and how dissociative identity disorder comes to exist. I find the "parts" analogy to have been beneficial in explaining her experiences with dissociating. It also gave me an insight into the traumas that people like Olga can experience and how it affects their mind, and I felt genuine dread as I read further into her childhood horrors. This is an excellent book, and I very much recommend it.

[Anna Hailstone · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a VERY intense book. The first half details extreme sexual abuse endured and the second half describes the pain of the healing process. I thought this book was incredibly written on both sides, showing a very harsh reality, and how Dissociative Identity Disorder can present and develop.

I’m not sure I would recommend this book to others, for the very reason of how intense it is. However, I feel much more informed about DID, and thank the author for providing her story for others to learn from.