Adversaries into Allies: Master the Art of Ultimate Influence by Burg, Bob(June 23, 2015) Paperback

by Bob Burg

The Sages asked, Who is mighty? and answered, Those who can control their own emotions and make of an enemy a friend. In the bestselling book The Go-Giver, Bob Burg and John David Mann revolutionized the way we think about success via one very simple Shifting one's focus from getting to giving (constantly and consistently providing value to others) is both very fulfilling and the most profitable way to do business. Now Burg is back with a new book, offering deeper insight into what it means to be truly influential and providing powerful strategies for mastering the art of winning people over. Faced with the task of persuading someone to do what we want, most of us expect, and often encounter, resistance. We see the other person as an adversary and often resort to coercion or manipulation in order to get our way. But while this approach might at times bring us short-term results, it leaves people with a bad feeling about themselves and about us. At that point, our relationship with the person is weakened and our influence dramatically decreased. There is a better way. Drawing on his own experiences and the stories of other influential people, Burg offers five simple principles of what he calls Ultimate Influence the ability to win people to your side in a way that leaves everyone feeling great about the outcome . . . and about themselves!: Control your own Responding calmly rather than allowing your emotions to get the better of you will ensure not putting others on the defensive but rather help them remain open to your ideas. Understand the clash of belief Every individual operates based on an unconscious set of beliefs, experiences, and ideas, which are most likely very different from yours. Understand this and you can avoid confusion and numerous misunderstandings that stand in the way of most people's ability to influence. Acknowledge their People want to feel good about themselves; if you make someone genuinely feel good, you're one step closer to making an ally. Set the proper People react and respond to other people. Approach potential conflicts from a position of benevolence, resolution, and helpfulness and they will follow suit. Communicate with tact and While the first four principles are vital, this is what brings it all home. Saying the right thing at the right time makes all the difference in terms of moving people to your side of the issue and taking the appropriate action that benefits all concerned. In the tradition of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and Robert Cialdini's Influence, Burg offers a tried-and-true framework for building alliances at work, at home, and anywhere else you seek to win people over.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Communication, Leadership, Self Help, Psychology, Relationships

Unknown Binding

First published October 17, 2013

About the author

Bob Burg shares information on topics vital to the success of today’s businessperson. He speaks for corporations and associations internationally, including fortune 500 companies, franchises, and numerous direct sales organizations.

Bob is an advocate, supporter and defender of the Free Enterprise system, believing that the amount of money one makes is directly proportional to how many people they serve.

He is a founding board member of Club 100, a charitable organization focused on helping underprivileged local area youths. A lover of animals, he is a past member of the Board of Directors of Safe Harbor, which is the Humane Society of Jupiter, Florida.

Reviews

[ولاء شكري · Rating 3 out of 5]

♡ لا تحمل الضغينة فهذا يسمح لغيرك أن يسكن في رأسك دون أن يدفع الإيجار !

♡ الانفعالات مهمة للغاية في رحلة الحياة، ولكنني لا أترك لها زمام القيادة، ولهذا عليك أن تتأكد أن انفعالاتك لا تقودك بل أنت من يقودها، فأنت على عجلة القيادة وهي على مقعد الركاب مثبت لها حزام الأمان .

♡من حولك يستغلونك ليس لأنك لطيف، وإنما لأنك تسمح لهم باستغلالك .

[Frank Calberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Takeaways from reading the book:

Concrete actions to take when you are being verbally attacked:
- Pages 34-50: When you are being verbally attacked, remain calm and be in control of your feelings. Keep in mind that nobody can make you angry. You must give them permission to do so. Try to take a deep breath and simply listen to the person attacking you. When he or she pauses, then think, apologize and ask what you have done wrong. Show understanding, put yourself in "the shoes of the other person" and offer your help - even if you feel treated unfairly. Keep your voice low.
- Page 183: Five initiatives to handle a situation during which a person interrupts you:
1. Wait until the person has finished his/her thought. Then politely say: "Dave, while I appreciate your feelings about this topic, it doesn't do either of us any good if you interrupt me while I'm trying to answer the question you asked me.
2. Let the person finish his/her thought. Then, without any sign of emotion or frustration, just finish what you were trying to say.
3. Say "Would you like me to finish my first thought or let me answer the question you asked?"
4. Say "Sorry, perhaps I'm not smart enough, but I can only answer one question at a time."
5. If you face a person who does not want to hear your viewpoint, you can, for example, say, "Dave, are you genuinely interested in my thoughts on this? I feel, you have already made up your mind on this issue."
- Page 210: Just listen. Why? Sometimes, a person just need to be heard. And when he/she is heard, the problem may often dissolve.

Other research from the book:
- Page 6: People's actions are ultimately based on self interest. People do things for their reasons, not for our reasons. It is important to understand, embrace and keep this law of human nature at the top of our minds. In other words, your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first.
- Page 23-24: What are differences between a) manipulation and b) persuasion? A person, who manipulates you, will try to make you feel bad, hurt you and play on your negative emotions. The goal of a manipulator is to control you and get compliance from you. Manipulation results in a win/lose situation. Persuasion, on the contrary, aims to serve and seeks to enhance the self esteem of the other person.

[Bassel · Rating 1 out of 5]

تقوم فكرة الكتاب على التركيز على عوامل مشتركة وتقدير الخصم وايجاد اطار مشترك للحوار ، الكتاب أقرب لوصف تقريب المتخالفين فكرياً بدلاً من تقريب الأعداء التي لن تنفع معهم هذه الطرق ويضلل الكاتب بعناونه فيها

[Doug Crowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not often that I write a review before I finish a book.

I'm making an exception, here.

Adversaries into Allies is not Bob Burg's first book and history will tell us if it is his most celebrated. While much of the content, on the surface, may seem obvious and "good manners 101" I caught myself reflecting on many instances where I could be giving 1% more effort to my communication and realizing 110% benefit.

Bob is one of the few thought leaders who clearly walks the walk on a daily basis and you won't find a sane person on the planet that can say anything disparaging about him. His book is not simply a "how to influence" book, it is clearly a blueprint for how to be an exceptional human being.

Get this book.

[Jim Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I have read all of Bob Burg's books and articles and love everyone of them. So when he published his latest book, I considered it a must read. So having said that....

This really is a must read! For whom? At first you might think this is a book for people in sales but in reality it is for anyone who wants to improve their personal relationships whether that be with a spouse, child, friend, neighbor, customer, employer, you name it.

This is really a book that lays out how you should think, what you should say and what you should do to improve any relationship but especially those you encounter in your business life.

This book is for everyone who wants to make more money and be happy doing it.

Would I read it again? Absolutely
Would I give it as a gift? Absolutely

Posted a review on http://www.ReadForAChange.com

Enjoy, I did!

[Khair Jalees · Rating 4 out of 5]

إن كنت تمتلك كافة المؤهلات اللازمة لنجاحك، ولكن دون امتلاك القدرة على التأثير على الآخرين، فسينقصك أهم عنصر للنجاح، لأن النجاح يَحتاج إلى مَهارات تقنية بنسبة ١٠٪ مثل الموهبة، وإلى مهارات التعامل مع الآخرين بنسبة ٩٠٪.، إن كان عملك يعتمد على البيع أو التفاوض أو كنت تمتلك منصبًا إداريًا، فأنت تحتاج إلى مهارة التعامل مع الآخرين والتأثير عليهم، لتحويل أشد المعارضين إلى داعمين، وقد يكون هؤلاء الآخرين هم زملاءك في العمل أو أصدقاء أو عملاء أو شركاء أو حتى أفراد من عائلتك.

التالي ملخص لهذا الكتاب في قناة خير جليس:
https://youtu.be/UgXIKvip8zA

[Nazrul Buang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just finished reading "Adversaries into Allies: Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion" (2013) by Bob Burg. I decided to pick up this book after coming across its high ratings on several sites, including Goodreads, just to learn more about the contents.

Bob Burg belongs to the same mold as Dr. Stephen Covey, Dale Carnegie, Zig Ziglar, John Maxwell and other motivational speakers/writers. All of them have the same motif in their books: how to be influential to other people in a positive way. Burg further elaborates his five main pillars of influence - controlling one's emotions, understanding of clash of beliefs, acknowledging egos, framing, and tactful and empathetic communication - and goes into detail for each of them.

Adversaries into Allies would serve very well to readers who would like to be influential or are interested to know how does one become influential. While I appreciate Burg's work in this book, the contents are hardly original or personally enlightening for me. There are many other books with similar content, so I would recommend this book only for those who haven't across any other book of its kind yet. To me, a book that describes the why and how on influence (i.e. the scientific literature) such as books by Adam Grant or Influence would interest me more.

If the book had been a little more rigorous and original, and less "tough and go" with its 50-plus book, I believe it would render itself a more engrossing read.

NEXT BOOK: "The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business" (2015) by Erin Meyer.

[Tom Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book contains the most usable and accessible content of any book I have read for years. There are 76 chapters woven into 7 sections in less than 250 pages. What I like about this book is that the chapters include topics that are relevant (it's a 10-year-old book!), they are concise, and still rich in usable knowledge. There are many things I had already learned but was freshly reminded of again.

Thanks, Bob, for the great read with a writing style that held my attention. This book will stay on my office desk for quick topical references...or to review one of the topics when taking a break from my work.

[Marty Wolff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bob Burg is so well read and he has so many experiences, it makes this book so special that I believe Bob is in the big leagues with Robert Cialdini, Dan Pink and others in the world of influence. All executives should read this book and share it with all department heads. Then VP of Sales and Sales Managers should read and share with the sales and marketing teams. This book is a blueprint for personal and professional success in a sometimes short-sighted world.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn't what I expected. It was a pragmatic look at commonsense and good manners. It gave clear and practical applications for anyone who wasn't taught such things in their youth. It could also be a refresher course for those who may have forgotten those things or who need help with their verbal skills. Overall, I guess it was a good reminder.

[Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful book that gives you great techniques on how to best understand the art of negotiation from a strategy not often taught. I HIGHLY recommend it

[Rafiq Vpn]

رائع لي القراءة والتطبيق يتمحور حول 5 مبادئ ستمنحك قوة وتفكير عميق في تواصل خصوم

[Kevin Eikenberry · Rating 5 out of 5]

On Halloween, a book was released that I predict will become a classic.

Here is the premise; that we transform relationships with people from a place of disagreement and distrust to a place of agreement and alliance. And we can do that without force, manipulation or the like. And – the transformation starts with us.

At the start of the introduction the author quotes the Talmud with an idea that appropriately foreshadows the whole book – “Who is Mighty? Those who can control their own emotions and make of an enemy a friend.”

Read more...

[Elizabeth Jennings · Rating 4 out of 5]

Basic good communication advice from someone who really knows what he is talking about. The book had a good balance of stories and direct how-to explanation (even if his jokes are cheesy). What I found most helpful is his sampling of phrases to try in difficult conversations, such as "I'm not comfortable with doing __, but thank you for offering and for thinking of me."

[gracepalm · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of my Dad's favorite books, and he gives it/recommends it to everyone he knows as well as to people he has just met. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but to me, it seemed to be simply common sense. The writing style was also very casual (perhaps too casual?), and that threw me off. Still a good read, but it wasn't my favorite.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook and it is very good. This book contains lots of great tips about influencing other by logic and reason, tact and humility.

Regardless of your profession or job we all need to influence someone or others at some point in life and this book will help.

This book has loads of examples of how to deal with many situations and I highly recommend it.

[Mindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most, if not all of the things Burg presents in the book are things you've heard, read, or maybe even done before. Still, it was good to have them collected and presented together, along with practical application and examples.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read. A good compilation of the messages in various other books. Good for those who are new to the genre of self-improvement. For those who’ve read a lot of books in this genre, you may still enjoy the review.

[J Snyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd heard of this book before reading it as part of a management/leadership exercise and I have to say it lived up to expectations.

Very easy/quick to read but with a lot of concepts that I'll be keeping and refining going forward. Can't do much better than that.

[Jackie Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have ever read on communication. Highly recommend it to everyone. Many of the chapters I read or listened to more than once to just soak it in. I even took notes on each chapter so I can review it easier.

[Luke · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's nothing in this book that you won't already know, but it's good to read this kind of thing every once in a while just as a reminder.

[Winslow Morrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were a lot of things that I feel like I have already read in other books. It was still enjoyable and there is some great material in the book.

[Tabani Ahmed · Rating 3 out of 5]

جميل نوعا ما...

[Marjorie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book would be good for those in business, and others, and that everyone could learn at least one new helpful thing.

[Chris]

Adversaries into Allies is not so much about forcing people to your way of thinking and doing but more about learning to understand people better and to get them to want to work with you. The challenge with education is that it ignores the crucial skills that people need - People & Communication Skills. The most undervalued degree out there is psychology, yet it is the only degree where you learn about human behavior and why people act the way they do. Anyone with that degree should be paid more than the average salary is but they don't.

The author created this book, with tons of examples throughout, to show that you just need to pause for a moment in your life before blurting out the first thing that comes to mind and reason through how you want to deal with each situation. People want to help people first off but if you approach them with rough edges don't expect to get your way.

What I enjoyed about this book was that it taught you to see the whole situation and view it from how people would see your problem. Positive influencers see the solution as a whole, whereas, negative influencers, people out to take advantage of others, only see the solution as forcing someone's hand. Positive influencers are not only to take advantage of anyone but instead create a positive outcome that everyone can benefit from and that right there is the harder of the two to create.

The chapters in this book are shorter enough that you can read a few at the beginning of your day and try and find situations to apply them to. That way you can practice what you are reading. No chapter is longer than three or four pages so it makes for a nice quick read but also great for kids and teens to read who need to improve their people skills. That is something more parents should do with their children.

Anyone can benefit from reading a book like this so if you enjoy improving your people skills then pick this one up and read it, there might be a lot you already know but just like with any skill, its good to have a refresher, especially the most important skill set you can have that will bring you the best joy around.

[Mollie Marti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who knows Bob Burg knows that he is a master at edifying others -- as in he practices and seeks to live it, day in and day out. I've read his new book cover to cover, and will continue to frequently use it as a resource!

Adversaries into Allies is wisdom wrapped in warmth. Reading it feels like sitting down with a dear mentor. You walk away reconnected to what's most important, equipped with the ability to get what you want in a way that expands others.

Bob is a friend. If you know my work, you'll have seen his wisdom and graciousness infused in the forward to Walking with Justice. You also will have heard a story about the sage advice his father shared with him as a young boy.

"Bob's father expected him to know the answers to these questions. The first four came from a Jewish sage, and his father added a fifth question: Who is a rich person? One who rejoices in their lot. Who is wise? One who learns from all others. Who is mighty? One who can control their own emotions, and make of any enemy a friend. Who is honored? One who honors others. Who is brave? One who is smart enough to be afraid and still do their job." (page 78).

In what I believe is his greatest work to date, Bob brings this wisdom to life, with specific tips to regulate your emotions, understand and expand others, communicate clearly and powerfully, and create win/win outcomes.

I predict that you will finish this book with the desire and ability to create less drama and more impact - a recipe for success. If you are ready to create more of what we want in life...through helping others get more of what they value and need...you now have an essential guidebook to help you.

[Charmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

HIGHLIGHTS:
1. Influencers send a letter to his or her boss. This should be usually typed rather than handwritten.
Edify – you build them up in the minds of other people.

2. Talk about immediately communicating value to another person’s life.
Influence happens through focusing on the needs, wants, and desires to others.

3. Your goal is to always live in the solution. Acknowledge the problem but focus on the solution.

4. Tact and empathy. Communicate consideration for the other person’s feeling.

5. Compliment the offender and leave him and his comment without the power to hurt you.

6. A person acts rudely because she “wants” you to become flustered and lose control.
Principle of Agreement: nobody argues with himself.

7. The more you maintain these good manners, the more successful you are likely to be in accomplishing your goal.

8. The ability to remain calm when others aren’t is another separator that creates influence and allows us to gently persuade. The rare person who stays calm controls not only themselves but the entire process.

9. You’ll never offend a person by showing them the courtesy of making life easier for them.

10. The less attached to the outcome you are, the more persuasive you will be.

[Ken Montville · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like the easy readability of Bob Burg's books and this one is no exception. Unlike the "Go-Giver" books he has co-authored with John David Mann, this book is more a more typical "non-fable" book.

The book explains easy-to-follow and seemingly simple steps to becoming a person of influence with a gift for being able to persuade even your most ardent adversary. As with the other books I've read by Bob Burg, the advise and guidance in this book is principle centered. There is no Machiavellian scheming or plotting.

This book really does speak to our better selves and by becoming better people we can become more persuasive and influential.

Good book. Well worth the time to read it.

[Mickey Baines · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt as though the author was "preaching to the choir," during most of the book because I believe in the points he made wholeheartedly. Most of his ideas and suggestions, though, are so much easier for someone who, by nature, has much empathy for others. If that isn't you, then I am not sure how well you will find the book, or how easily it will be for you to adopt this method/approach.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't read the book. The concepts are effective and using allies always leads to more success than combatting adversaries, if for no other reason, than you have more time to spend working toward your goal rather than fighting against those who stand in your way.

[P.J. LaRue · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book. It gave great advice on how to soften one's approach when dealing with other people. It taught that the way one presents ideas can lead to the other person accepting or rejecting the idea based only on the approach rather than the message. So if one wants a message heard, one must understand how to present it.