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Divorce & Remarriage: A Redemptive Theology
In this book, a serious scholar with extensive experience in ministry looks at the question of divorce and remarriage. He offers a redemptive theology that affirms the importance of marriage, the urgency of helping people survive their marital crises, and the redemptive mercies and grace of God for those who have divorced and remarried.
- GenresTheology
176 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 2007
18 people are currently reading
56 people want to read
About the author
Rubel Shelly
58 books7 followersDr. Rubel Shelly is an author, minister, and professor Lipscomb University. He is the former president of Rochester College.
Shelly began as an instructor in the department of Religion and Philosophy at Freed-Hardeman University in 1975. In 1978, Shelly began preaching as Senior Minister for the Family of God at Woodmont Hills, formerly known as the Woodmont Hills Church of Christ, in Nashville, Tennessee where he continued until 2005. While preaching at Woodmont Hills, he also taught at Lipscomb University, Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, and Tennessee State University. From 1979 to 1980 while he worked to complete his graduate work at Vanderbilt University, he served as a graduate assistant in the Department of Philosophy. From 1981 to 1983, he was an Assistant Professor of Philosophy at Lipscomb University. In 1986, while continuing his education at Vanderbilt University, he taught as an Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Department of Medicine (Medical Ethics) until 1988. From 2000 to 2004, he was an Adjunct Assistant Professor of Philosophy at Tennessee State University.
When he stepped down from the pulpit in 2005, he began teaching again as a Professor of Philosophy and Religion at Rochester College, in Rochester Hills, Michigan. He was named the President of Rochester College in May 2009. He also currently serves as a co-minister for the Bristol Road Church of Christ in Flint, Michigan. In late 2012, Shelly announced that he would be stepping from his role as President at Rochester College by September 2013.
He is known primarily as a preacher. Shelly has been involved in debates and academic lectures on Christian apologetics, ethics, and medical ethics. Shelly has also served with such groups as the AIDS Education Committee of the American Red Cross.
He is the author or co-author of more than 30 books, including several which have been translated into languages such as Korean, Japanese, Portuguese, French, and Russian. He has published widely in religious journals.
Shelly began as an instructor in the department of Religion and Philosophy at Freed-Hardeman University in 1975. In 1978, Shelly began preaching as Senior Minister for the Family of God at Woodmont Hills, formerly known as the Woodmont Hills Church of Christ, in Nashville, Tennessee where he continued until 2005. While preaching at Woodmont Hills, he also taught at Lipscomb University, Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, and Tennessee State University. From 1979 to 1980 while he worked to complete his graduate work at Vanderbilt University, he served as a graduate assistant in the Department of Philosophy. From 1981 to 1983, he was an Assistant Professor of Philosophy at Lipscomb University. In 1986, while continuing his education at Vanderbilt University, he taught as an Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Department of Medicine (Medical Ethics) until 1988. From 2000 to 2004, he was an Adjunct Assistant Professor of Philosophy at Tennessee State University.
When he stepped down from the pulpit in 2005, he began teaching again as a Professor of Philosophy and Religion at Rochester College, in Rochester Hills, Michigan. He was named the President of Rochester College in May 2009. He also currently serves as a co-minister for the Bristol Road Church of Christ in Flint, Michigan. In late 2012, Shelly announced that he would be stepping from his role as President at Rochester College by September 2013.
He is known primarily as a preacher. Shelly has been involved in debates and academic lectures on Christian apologetics, ethics, and medical ethics. Shelly has also served with such groups as the AIDS Education Committee of the American Red Cross.
He is the author or co-author of more than 30 books, including several which have been translated into languages such as Korean, Japanese, Portuguese, French, and Russian. He has published widely in religious journals.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
September 20, 2019
One of the best ones
Do you wrestle with the divorce-remarriage question? There’s no question that marriage is a beautiful thing. It is ultimate reality, Christ and his Bride the Church, forever.
And divorce is, in the words of a recently divorced believing friend, “the hardest thing I’ve ever endured”. His ex said to me, separately, around the same time, “Divorce is a horrible thing especially with children. It truly is the devil.”
What makes this super-sensitive and hugely-deep topic even more agonising is the divorce-remarriage debate which sees massively godly theologians line up on both ‘sides’. People like Piper, Wenham, Cornes and Baucham advocate Permanence, the view that marriage is only dissoluble by death, and that all remarriage is adultery (if the former spouse is still living). Others like MacArthur, Carson, DeYoung, Sproul et al advocate a kind of Exceptionism, the view that marriage is *intended* to be lifelong but *can* sadly be dissolved by things other than death (specifically adultery and/or desertion).
Ruben Shelly cuts through a lot of the (unintentional) legalism and borderline casuistry - much of which I’ve probably been inadvertently guilty of. We all want to handle God’s Word with care, awe and submission. We all want to obey its every jot and tittle. We want to interpret and apply it correctly as the Holy Spirit intended it when he inspired its authors as they addressed their original contexts. Shelly manages to combine theological consistency with deep pastoral care. He shows how God’s people can navigate the mess of our lives in this broken world without resorting to either murky compromise or mean-spirited judgmentalism.
Essentially, his thesis is that divorcing for trivial reasons in order to marry another is to be a covenant-breaker and as such, adulterous. This should be resisted such that believers should aspire never to divorce. Even if a believing couple feel driven to separate, they should remain single while making every effort to reconcile (1 Corinthians 7:10,11). Marriage is so valuable in God’s sight that he requires us to stay in covenant even with unbelievers if they wish to stay (v12-14), but he also requires us to release them from this covenant if they wish to leave (v15-16).
Of the 20+ books I’ve read on this, it’s one of the most nuanced, careful, faithful and balanced, covering all of the major OT & NT data. The different cameos show how tricky the various permutations of this fraught issue can be, and the Q&A section is excellent. While I still take a slightly more conservative view (if that’s the right appellation) than Shelly, his is an absolutely superb contribution and I hope brings much more light into a overly-heated topic.
Do you wrestle with the divorce-remarriage question? There’s no question that marriage is a beautiful thing. It is ultimate reality, Christ and his Bride the Church, forever.
And divorce is, in the words of a recently divorced believing friend, “the hardest thing I’ve ever endured”. His ex said to me, separately, around the same time, “Divorce is a horrible thing especially with children. It truly is the devil.”
What makes this super-sensitive and hugely-deep topic even more agonising is the divorce-remarriage debate which sees massively godly theologians line up on both ‘sides’. People like Piper, Wenham, Cornes and Baucham advocate Permanence, the view that marriage is only dissoluble by death, and that all remarriage is adultery (if the former spouse is still living). Others like MacArthur, Carson, DeYoung, Sproul et al advocate a kind of Exceptionism, the view that marriage is *intended* to be lifelong but *can* sadly be dissolved by things other than death (specifically adultery and/or desertion).
Ruben Shelly cuts through a lot of the (unintentional) legalism and borderline casuistry - much of which I’ve probably been inadvertently guilty of. We all want to handle God’s Word with care, awe and submission. We all want to obey its every jot and tittle. We want to interpret and apply it correctly as the Holy Spirit intended it when he inspired its authors as they addressed their original contexts. Shelly manages to combine theological consistency with deep pastoral care. He shows how God’s people can navigate the mess of our lives in this broken world without resorting to either murky compromise or mean-spirited judgmentalism.
Essentially, his thesis is that divorcing for trivial reasons in order to marry another is to be a covenant-breaker and as such, adulterous. This should be resisted such that believers should aspire never to divorce. Even if a believing couple feel driven to separate, they should remain single while making every effort to reconcile (1 Corinthians 7:10,11). Marriage is so valuable in God’s sight that he requires us to stay in covenant even with unbelievers if they wish to stay (v12-14), but he also requires us to release them from this covenant if they wish to leave (v15-16).
Of the 20+ books I’ve read on this, it’s one of the most nuanced, careful, faithful and balanced, covering all of the major OT & NT data. The different cameos show how tricky the various permutations of this fraught issue can be, and the Q&A section is excellent. While I still take a slightly more conservative view (if that’s the right appellation) than Shelly, his is an absolutely superb contribution and I hope brings much more light into a overly-heated topic.
August 24, 2015
It’s not often I have a major shift in my theology, but it does happen. When it comes to the oh-so-controversial-and-convoluted-subject of marriage-divorce-&-remarriage, there are a number of systems that have been constructed through the centuries to explain various interpretations of what Jesus and Paul have to say about it in the New Testament. Up until a few days ago, I had already shifted my thinking a couple different times; however, no matter how seemingly logical the legal constructions fit together in my mind, nothing has set well with what I read elsewhere in Scripture as to how they fit with the heart of God.
For the past ten years, I have not been a part of a church, either in general membership or leadership, where there has not been a messy, or at least very uncomfortable, dealing with people who found themselves in the middle of trying to figure out what to do with their marriage, divorce, and potential for remarriage. I’ve often heard from those older than I that this is a growing concern in the church; however, I believe it’s simply that we become more and more aware of these difficult situations the older we get—things were always better back in the “good ol’ days,” whether that be when we were toddlers, teens, middle-aged, or what have you…or so they say. Though I’ve had discussions with many about my beliefs and interpretations of Scripture, something always kept me from speaking from some position of authority (ha!) to those I thought may be “in sin” when it came to my interpretations of Jesus and Paul on this subject. I either felt God holding me back and keeping me from speaking, or scheduled meetings simply didn’t happen for a number of reasons. I am so thankful they didn’t!
I come from a rather legalistic and “rule book” approach to Scripture, and looking for those legal systems is still a temptation, which isn’t to say that systematic theology is a bad thing! In my late college days I began to pray more, listen to God, and do my best to stay out of the way of the Spirit’s leading in my life. That has been the foundation of how I have since approached Scripture and my life. Those who know me can attest to the changes and far-off places to which that approach led! Once I began graduate work in theology, my academic endeavors were kept in check with my reliance on the Spirit, without which I could very easily jump right back into a purely “do and don’t” mentality on how to use Scripture. The deeper I leaned into God, the more these divorce and remarriage systems disturbed me, but I could not see what Jesus and Paul had to say any differently than how I’d been approaching them for decades prior.
Jumping to the present, my wife (Delana) and I recently moved to the greater Denver area where we believe God led us. We first visited back in January (2015) for an interview Delana had at a local university. We decided to spend a little of our own money to stick around for a couple more days so that we could get to know the area a little bit. One of our biggest desires was finding a church we could immediately plug into and glorify God through serving others. We had several recommendations, and had planned on visiting one in Denver proper—we only had time to visit one church on Sunday morning, so we wanted to make it count! Around 10:00 PM the Saturday before, getting ready to go to bed, I told Delana, “I think we’re supposed to go to [a particular Church of Christ].” Both of us were shocked by what I’d said because I’d not planned on going back to another denominational congregation, and she didn’t have the most pleasant experience with the CoC since learning about it and visiting a few after meeting me. We both felt a bit nervous about it, but I believe it’s where God wanted us to be. So, we followed. It was the best experience at any church we’ve ever had. We were welcomed warmly and joyfully, prayed with, immediately included, and encouraged. One of the ministers and a married couple kept in touch from that point until we moved to CO on June 29, and then we had breakfast at the minister’s house the next morning. Just awesome.
We were immediately plugged into different ministries and Bible studies, and began growing closer to several families in the church—we still haven’t even been here two months! In July I attended an information session about the church and what they expected from those who wanted to be “members.” Delana was out of town that weekend for work. At the beginning of this session one of the ministers, out of a desire to be transparent and wanting others to be the same, told us of his past marriage, his infidelity, and subsequent divorce and a host of other consequences. After fifteen years of celibacy, he remarried just a few months ago. The elders and the rest of the church fully supported him in this. I’d never seen that in a CoC, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I knew what I wanted to do with it, but not sure what I was supposed to do with it. This is where Delana and I truly believe God wants us. Our move to CO for her job and our coming to this church was purely a decision by faith, not by sight (we’re still trying to work it out financially!). When Delana returned, I gave her the bullet points of the meetings and shared with her the minister’s story. “What are we going to do?”
The minister and I had a few things to discuss anyway, so we set a time for earlier this week. There was much prayer beforehand, and when the time came we had a loving, nonjudgmental, brotherly conversation about how he read Scripture concerning divorce and remarriage and from where we both came. After going through every passage in the New Testament and looking at context from the Old Testament, I felt a peace about his conclusion that I’d never had before. Things clicked and I felt like God had lifted a weight from my shoulders that had been hanging there for over ten years.
It’s important to understand that he held this position before things went sour in his first marriage. This isn’t a case of someone subsequently trying to find justification for selfish desires in Scripture thereafter. In fact, he’d never planned on marrying again, but had a similar “God put us together” story with his current wife that Delana and I share.
So, what does all of this have to do with a book, let alone a book review? Context! When I first asked for the minister’s perspective on divorce and remarriage, he reached over to his bookshelf, pulled out Rubel Shelly’s Divorce & Remarriage: A Redemptive Theology, and said, “This is what I believe.” Of course, we didn’t read the book right then and there (he did read a few pages in conversation), but I did borrow it and read it over the next couple of days. I’d already been convinced by our conversation to change my perspective on the subject, but I wanted see what this book had to say, since it was likely going to be added to my library and recommended to others if it had anything to do with what we discussed! And it’s wonderful: full of love and compassion, and with no lack of scholarship and “sound” reading of Scripture. It includes the meat of the text (setting up context and addresses all necessary Scripture references for the subject, peppering a number of “what would you do?” narratives in mix the to help the reader think through these things), a lengthy question & answer section (he asks himself many of the questions he’s heard in the past and answers them well), and two brief letters, one to those who have been divorced and one to church leaders.
I highly recommend this book, especially to those who find themselves in any sort of church leadership position so that we do not continue to heap more burdens on people with whom we have no right to so do. Read with an open mind and heart toward God, and get ready for a life changing moment. It can happen.
To all those I’ve oppressed in the past regarding their divorce and remarriage, I ask for your forgiveness. We are always called to reconciliation, and that is what we first desire in any relationship, especially a marriage. We do live in a fallen world, and bad things happen. Let us continue from there in love, grace, and mercy. Lord, forgive us and grant us that capacity for one another. Amen.
For the past ten years, I have not been a part of a church, either in general membership or leadership, where there has not been a messy, or at least very uncomfortable, dealing with people who found themselves in the middle of trying to figure out what to do with their marriage, divorce, and potential for remarriage. I’ve often heard from those older than I that this is a growing concern in the church; however, I believe it’s simply that we become more and more aware of these difficult situations the older we get—things were always better back in the “good ol’ days,” whether that be when we were toddlers, teens, middle-aged, or what have you…or so they say. Though I’ve had discussions with many about my beliefs and interpretations of Scripture, something always kept me from speaking from some position of authority (ha!) to those I thought may be “in sin” when it came to my interpretations of Jesus and Paul on this subject. I either felt God holding me back and keeping me from speaking, or scheduled meetings simply didn’t happen for a number of reasons. I am so thankful they didn’t!
I come from a rather legalistic and “rule book” approach to Scripture, and looking for those legal systems is still a temptation, which isn’t to say that systematic theology is a bad thing! In my late college days I began to pray more, listen to God, and do my best to stay out of the way of the Spirit’s leading in my life. That has been the foundation of how I have since approached Scripture and my life. Those who know me can attest to the changes and far-off places to which that approach led! Once I began graduate work in theology, my academic endeavors were kept in check with my reliance on the Spirit, without which I could very easily jump right back into a purely “do and don’t” mentality on how to use Scripture. The deeper I leaned into God, the more these divorce and remarriage systems disturbed me, but I could not see what Jesus and Paul had to say any differently than how I’d been approaching them for decades prior.
Jumping to the present, my wife (Delana) and I recently moved to the greater Denver area where we believe God led us. We first visited back in January (2015) for an interview Delana had at a local university. We decided to spend a little of our own money to stick around for a couple more days so that we could get to know the area a little bit. One of our biggest desires was finding a church we could immediately plug into and glorify God through serving others. We had several recommendations, and had planned on visiting one in Denver proper—we only had time to visit one church on Sunday morning, so we wanted to make it count! Around 10:00 PM the Saturday before, getting ready to go to bed, I told Delana, “I think we’re supposed to go to [a particular Church of Christ].” Both of us were shocked by what I’d said because I’d not planned on going back to another denominational congregation, and she didn’t have the most pleasant experience with the CoC since learning about it and visiting a few after meeting me. We both felt a bit nervous about it, but I believe it’s where God wanted us to be. So, we followed. It was the best experience at any church we’ve ever had. We were welcomed warmly and joyfully, prayed with, immediately included, and encouraged. One of the ministers and a married couple kept in touch from that point until we moved to CO on June 29, and then we had breakfast at the minister’s house the next morning. Just awesome.
We were immediately plugged into different ministries and Bible studies, and began growing closer to several families in the church—we still haven’t even been here two months! In July I attended an information session about the church and what they expected from those who wanted to be “members.” Delana was out of town that weekend for work. At the beginning of this session one of the ministers, out of a desire to be transparent and wanting others to be the same, told us of his past marriage, his infidelity, and subsequent divorce and a host of other consequences. After fifteen years of celibacy, he remarried just a few months ago. The elders and the rest of the church fully supported him in this. I’d never seen that in a CoC, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I knew what I wanted to do with it, but not sure what I was supposed to do with it. This is where Delana and I truly believe God wants us. Our move to CO for her job and our coming to this church was purely a decision by faith, not by sight (we’re still trying to work it out financially!). When Delana returned, I gave her the bullet points of the meetings and shared with her the minister’s story. “What are we going to do?”
The minister and I had a few things to discuss anyway, so we set a time for earlier this week. There was much prayer beforehand, and when the time came we had a loving, nonjudgmental, brotherly conversation about how he read Scripture concerning divorce and remarriage and from where we both came. After going through every passage in the New Testament and looking at context from the Old Testament, I felt a peace about his conclusion that I’d never had before. Things clicked and I felt like God had lifted a weight from my shoulders that had been hanging there for over ten years.
It’s important to understand that he held this position before things went sour in his first marriage. This isn’t a case of someone subsequently trying to find justification for selfish desires in Scripture thereafter. In fact, he’d never planned on marrying again, but had a similar “God put us together” story with his current wife that Delana and I share.
So, what does all of this have to do with a book, let alone a book review? Context! When I first asked for the minister’s perspective on divorce and remarriage, he reached over to his bookshelf, pulled out Rubel Shelly’s Divorce & Remarriage: A Redemptive Theology, and said, “This is what I believe.” Of course, we didn’t read the book right then and there (he did read a few pages in conversation), but I did borrow it and read it over the next couple of days. I’d already been convinced by our conversation to change my perspective on the subject, but I wanted see what this book had to say, since it was likely going to be added to my library and recommended to others if it had anything to do with what we discussed! And it’s wonderful: full of love and compassion, and with no lack of scholarship and “sound” reading of Scripture. It includes the meat of the text (setting up context and addresses all necessary Scripture references for the subject, peppering a number of “what would you do?” narratives in mix the to help the reader think through these things), a lengthy question & answer section (he asks himself many of the questions he’s heard in the past and answers them well), and two brief letters, one to those who have been divorced and one to church leaders.
I highly recommend this book, especially to those who find themselves in any sort of church leadership position so that we do not continue to heap more burdens on people with whom we have no right to so do. Read with an open mind and heart toward God, and get ready for a life changing moment. It can happen.
To all those I’ve oppressed in the past regarding their divorce and remarriage, I ask for your forgiveness. We are always called to reconciliation, and that is what we first desire in any relationship, especially a marriage. We do live in a fallen world, and bad things happen. Let us continue from there in love, grace, and mercy. Lord, forgive us and grant us that capacity for one another. Amen.
February 14, 2022
An outstanding theologian, Rubel Shelly explains the complex issues of divorce and remarriage. Step-by-step, Shelly takes passages from the Old and New Testaments to look at the painful for many subjects from the position of love and forgiveness. He begins his book by describing a general attitude to reading the Scripture and understanding God's spirit behind the commandments. In the end, Shelly deals with a number of practical situations in the form of Answers and Questions. Along with believers who are going through a divorce, any church leader would benefit from reading this book. It helps to understand not only God's view of relationships but also God's nature in general.
December 28, 2017
Helpful
This book really clarified the misunderstood verses about divorce and remarriage. I am going to read the book again because there's a lot of information to digest.
This book really clarified the misunderstood verses about divorce and remarriage. I am going to read the book again because there's a lot of information to digest.
August 23, 2024
This book is helpful and gracious, but it lacks clarity on some points that left me wanting more, especially the chapters about Jesus.
August 31, 2015
This is not Rubel Shelly's first book on marriage and divorce. He wrote a legalist view book early in his ministry, but this book is born of Rubel Shelly's life of experiencing the grace of God, the hurts of people, and a close study of nearly every old and new testament text that discusses marriage, divorce, re-marriage. The case studies are well crafted and help bring the biblical studies into clear focus for thinking through real situations. Because really each new situation in a church body or family has a different texture where wisdom needs to be applied, grace, boundaries, and prayer. Rubel Shelly's expertise both in biblical studies and in ethics makes his work one of the important conservative Christian works of the twenty-first century on marriage, divorce, and re-marriage. Today, if Shelly wrote a revision, there would -- I imagine -- be a more substantial section on same-sex marriage and the ethics of how we deal with that in our world today and what the biblical texts say.
December 29, 2020
This book has been out for a few years. Rubel Shelley did and excellent job in this book on divorce and remarriage.
The author is from the non instrumental part of the Restoration Movement which is itself noted as seeing divorce and remarriage on par with the unpardonable sin.
Shelley has done an excellent job in this book of remaining faithful and true to the teachings of Scripture while also showing Scriptural examples of the grace of God for moving on beyond divorce even to remarriage as within the Will of God even while acknowledging the undesirable nature of divorce.
The author is from the non instrumental part of the Restoration Movement which is itself noted as seeing divorce and remarriage on par with the unpardonable sin.
Shelley has done an excellent job in this book of remaining faithful and true to the teachings of Scripture while also showing Scriptural examples of the grace of God for moving on beyond divorce even to remarriage as within the Will of God even while acknowledging the undesirable nature of divorce.
June 11, 2015
I highly recommend this book to anyone from a conservative religious background who is grappling with the topic of divorce. Shelly does a wonderful job of maintaining the value of marriage in God's plan, but also dealing with the reality of divorce by examining every mention of divorce in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. Whether for yourself or a family member, read this book.
May 25, 2016
Incredibly well-balanced! Highly recommended!
January 20, 2016
A great book dealing with an incredibly difficult topic, I think Shelly does a good job of intersecting solid redemptive theology into the messy quagmire of real human life and relationships.
November 9, 2016
I think this book is a helpful balance for those grappling with this sensitive issue.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews