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How to Breathe Ash
Eleanor Perrault doesn't know if there's a right way to handle being suddenly orphaned at sixteen, but it's definitely not the way that she's been coping with it.
It's been two months since her parents died and despite her autism normally causing her to be even more emotionally volatile than most of her peers, she still hasn't even managed to cry over them yet.
On top of trying to learn how to grieve properly, Eleanor's juggling starting a new semester in a new town with an aunt who seems eternally disappointed in her and a cousin who's randomly decided to start hating her. And a crush on the incredibly pretty president of her new school's QSA.
How to Breathe Ash is a contemporary YA Cinderella retelling following Eleanor through elaborate dances, anonymous chat rooms, and learning the right way to not be alright.
It's been two months since her parents died and despite her autism normally causing her to be even more emotionally volatile than most of her peers, she still hasn't even managed to cry over them yet.
On top of trying to learn how to grieve properly, Eleanor's juggling starting a new semester in a new town with an aunt who seems eternally disappointed in her and a cousin who's randomly decided to start hating her. And a crush on the incredibly pretty president of her new school's QSA.
How to Breathe Ash is a contemporary YA Cinderella retelling following Eleanor through elaborate dances, anonymous chat rooms, and learning the right way to not be alright.
Unknown Binding
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About the author
Alex Nonymous
26 books560 followersAlex is trying to publish 22 sapphic YA books before she turns 22. The only flaw in the plan so far is that they only finished 1 before turning 20...
He uses any pronouns so its incredibly easy to talk about Alex behind her back (just please stop adding me to 'women writers' lists oh my god) and they're still trying to figure out how to present themself as a professional a full year into publishing.
If you want to join their email list for updates on book release dates, early reader copies, and to vote on genre polls to control the next book they write, email them at alexnonymouswrites@gmail.com to let her know!
Alex also writes books for queer teenagers and recognizes that a lot of the people who need those kinds of stories the most can't safely be purchasing them, fill out this form for free discrete ecopies of anything he's written! https://forms.gle/ZSAoMh59oLVjz97F8
He uses any pronouns so its incredibly easy to talk about Alex behind her back (just please stop adding me to 'women writers' lists oh my god) and they're still trying to figure out how to present themself as a professional a full year into publishing.
If you want to join their email list for updates on book release dates, early reader copies, and to vote on genre polls to control the next book they write, email them at alexnonymouswrites@gmail.com to let her know!
Alex also writes books for queer teenagers and recognizes that a lot of the people who need those kinds of stories the most can't safely be purchasing them, fill out this form for free discrete ecopies of anything he's written! https://forms.gle/ZSAoMh59oLVjz97F8
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
June 6, 2023
Early reader copies finally out, sorry I was so messy this month
August 3, 2023
Holy shit.
I swear, I originally planned to write this super long super detailed review but then I finished the book and I just can't.
I was called out, like, every other line and this is genuinely the best autistic rep I read, I have never related to a character more.
I might be a bit disappointed with the romance? But the book itself is just so good and is about so much more than that so I don't even care, five stars anyways
Maybe I'll come back with the full long detailed review later, when I finish processing the masterpiece I just finished reading
I swear, I originally planned to write this super long super detailed review but then I finished the book and I just can't.
I was called out, like, every other line and this is genuinely the best autistic rep I read, I have never related to a character more.
I might be a bit disappointed with the romance? But the book itself is just so good and is about so much more than that so I don't even care, five stars anyways
Maybe I'll come back with the full long detailed review later, when I finish processing the masterpiece I just finished reading
June 8, 2023
I received an early copy of this book and this review reflects that rather than the final version! I had such a wonderful time reading How To Breathe Ash, and the representation of disabilities/chronic illness was very refreshing to read :) I’m very excited to read the final version and update this review when it releases!
August 14, 2023
I raced to read this because (last night, 8/13) I saw the author posted a tiktok about how this book is really autistic and might alienate allistic readers. As someone who is struggling to understand and accept my own autism, I wanted to see if I felt seen by this book.
And yeah, I did.
I often avoid books that deal explicitly with grief because I've always felt outside of the normal grieving process and nothing makes me feel more strange than being unable to relate to a very basic human expression of emotion. El's struggle with her own grief and the process of mourning her parents felt so, so intimate to my own experiences that it felt like I was reading a diary from certain points in my life. It was so good to see my own mind reflected on the page.
I really enjoyed the fluid way Alex uses pronouns, especially with characters that use multiple pronouns. I did have to remind myself that just because I grew up not exchanging pronouns and discussing being gay up front with classmates, doesn't mean that Gen Z (and I guess Gen Alpha now) aren't doing those things in their high schools.
The romance was very sweet, and I really enjoyed the way El dealt with how being ace informed her feelings towards the two love interests. I'm not ace, but it felt so much like how I have grappled with feelings for people I'm close to as a lesbian. At one point I found myself nodding and going, "same El, same". I also liked that everyone I disliked initially was redeemed in the end, because the layers of grief and trauma peeled back enough to let them be human and fragile.
My only real "problem" is that 2nd person POV is very hard for me to read without wanting to throw the book away forever. I understand that it does a great job of putting the reader in the mind of the main narrator, and I know loads of people enjoy both reading and writing in the POV. It's just not for me. But, I am glad I stuck with it for this book, and think it added an extra layer to a lot of the moments where El grappled with big and difficult feelings.
And yeah, I did.
I often avoid books that deal explicitly with grief because I've always felt outside of the normal grieving process and nothing makes me feel more strange than being unable to relate to a very basic human expression of emotion. El's struggle with her own grief and the process of mourning her parents felt so, so intimate to my own experiences that it felt like I was reading a diary from certain points in my life. It was so good to see my own mind reflected on the page.
I really enjoyed the fluid way Alex uses pronouns, especially with characters that use multiple pronouns. I did have to remind myself that just because I grew up not exchanging pronouns and discussing being gay up front with classmates, doesn't mean that Gen Z (and I guess Gen Alpha now) aren't doing those things in their high schools.
The romance was very sweet, and I really enjoyed the way El dealt with how being ace informed her feelings towards the two love interests. I'm not ace, but it felt so much like how I have grappled with feelings for people I'm close to as a lesbian. At one point I found myself nodding and going, "same El, same". I also liked that everyone I disliked initially was redeemed in the end, because the layers of grief and trauma peeled back enough to let them be human and fragile.
My only real "problem" is that 2nd person POV is very hard for me to read without wanting to throw the book away forever. I understand that it does a great job of putting the reader in the mind of the main narrator, and I know loads of people enjoy both reading and writing in the POV. It's just not for me. But, I am glad I stuck with it for this book, and think it added an extra layer to a lot of the moments where El grappled with big and difficult feelings.
June 7, 2023
second person pov is so hugely underrated!!!!! also pumpkin is an excellent name for a dog
June 28, 2023
This book is not my usual genre, so bear with the longer review as I have more to comment on than I am used to.
I first read A Tale of Hijinks and Honeydew by this author, and I loved it. I rated that book five stars, and I still think is was amazing, and would have rated it the same... but this book goes beyond that.
It was beautiful, and sad, and happy, and so, SO immersive!
I am autistic, like the main character, and you very rarely see autistic POVs that really read as autistic. Oh you get the outward signs, and sometimes their processing is different... but you never see the internal conflict of their thoughts, and how they differ from the hundreds of neurotypical stories. Not just in action, but in mind.
This book showed not just the outward signs, but the mental gymnastics it takes just to function some days.
I loved the main character, I loved the love interest, like I LOVE the love interest!
The plot twist at the end was so well done, and I absolutely adore how each character interacts.
I think my favorite character might have been her cousin haha.
My only complaint is that now that I have read it, I am going to compare other books I read and find them lacking!
The depth of this story is amazing.
I never mourned my father's passing, and I felt wrong for that for a very long time. Seeing a character who could not mourn the way she thought she was supposed to, spoke to me a lot.
I swear to god this author is going to make me bankrupt because now I want to buy all of their published books, and the ones they have not even started writing yet!
I usually do not like fairytale retellings because they either do not embody the original fairytale, or because they bring in nothing new... in other words if they change it I hate it, but if they do not change it, I hate it. Like I said, I am autistic.
This book however, was amazing. It pulled so many small details from the original/older tale, without ever feeling like a ripoff. It added unique story points and a new ending, while still preserving the sense of magic that fairytales so often have.
It was a little darker than, say, Disney, but I hate the Disney versions anyway.
I was immediately absorbed in the glimpse into the mind of the main character, and read it in one sitting!
I first read A Tale of Hijinks and Honeydew by this author, and I loved it. I rated that book five stars, and I still think is was amazing, and would have rated it the same... but this book goes beyond that.
It was beautiful, and sad, and happy, and so, SO immersive!
I am autistic, like the main character, and you very rarely see autistic POVs that really read as autistic. Oh you get the outward signs, and sometimes their processing is different... but you never see the internal conflict of their thoughts, and how they differ from the hundreds of neurotypical stories. Not just in action, but in mind.
This book showed not just the outward signs, but the mental gymnastics it takes just to function some days.
I loved the main character, I loved the love interest, like I LOVE the love interest!
The plot twist at the end was so well done, and I absolutely adore how each character interacts.
I think my favorite character might have been her cousin haha.
My only complaint is that now that I have read it, I am going to compare other books I read and find them lacking!
The depth of this story is amazing.
I never mourned my father's passing, and I felt wrong for that for a very long time. Seeing a character who could not mourn the way she thought she was supposed to, spoke to me a lot.
I swear to god this author is going to make me bankrupt because now I want to buy all of their published books, and the ones they have not even started writing yet!
I usually do not like fairytale retellings because they either do not embody the original fairytale, or because they bring in nothing new... in other words if they change it I hate it, but if they do not change it, I hate it. Like I said, I am autistic.
This book however, was amazing. It pulled so many small details from the original/older tale, without ever feeling like a ripoff. It added unique story points and a new ending, while still preserving the sense of magic that fairytales so often have.
It was a little darker than, say, Disney, but I hate the Disney versions anyway.
I was immediately absorbed in the glimpse into the mind of the main character, and read it in one sitting!
June 12, 2023
I was lucky enough to get to early read this book, so minor changes may have been made between the copy I read and the published copy. Now that we have that disclaimer out of the way, here are my thoughts, which do include spoilers.
-----
I've never been a fan of books from second person POV, but this one very well may have changed that for me.
"Some adults, you’ve learned over the years, don’t know the difference between selectively mute and deaf."
As an AuDHD person who was nonverbal for years, this line hits hard.
" You’d already learned that people didn’t look at girls like you (or maybe even girls at all) and see autism. You’d be ‘quirky’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘odd’ or some other label that was broad enough to let people not feel too guilty when they ostracized you for it."
I was raised as a girl with undiagnosed autism, as previously stated. I was called all of those things and more. It was easier for the other children and even some adults to do that rather than learn.
Knowing how early Eleanor got diagnosed, though, I'm surprised no one in school knew. I'm surprised about the lack of a 504 or IEP. Those may just be distinctly American things, though.
The discussion about being queer and able to silently coexist is interesting and puts something I've felt into words.
I realized approximately five pages before the end, that Eleanor and Hazel are both Cinderella in this, to an extent. That very well might not have been something Alex was going for, but if it was xe did an excellent job.
There is wonderful POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) representation, which isn't something I see a lot. Plus, an adorable service dog.
All in all, this is an amazing book and I'm so happy I got to be an early reader for it.
-----
I've never been a fan of books from second person POV, but this one very well may have changed that for me.
"Some adults, you’ve learned over the years, don’t know the difference between selectively mute and deaf."
As an AuDHD person who was nonverbal for years, this line hits hard.
" You’d already learned that people didn’t look at girls like you (or maybe even girls at all) and see autism. You’d be ‘quirky’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘odd’ or some other label that was broad enough to let people not feel too guilty when they ostracized you for it."
I was raised as a girl with undiagnosed autism, as previously stated. I was called all of those things and more. It was easier for the other children and even some adults to do that rather than learn.
Knowing how early Eleanor got diagnosed, though, I'm surprised no one in school knew. I'm surprised about the lack of a 504 or IEP. Those may just be distinctly American things, though.
The discussion about being queer and able to silently coexist is interesting and puts something I've felt into words.
I realized approximately five pages before the end, that Eleanor and Hazel are both Cinderella in this, to an extent. That very well might not have been something Alex was going for, but if it was xe did an excellent job.
There is wonderful POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) representation, which isn't something I see a lot. Plus, an adorable service dog.
All in all, this is an amazing book and I'm so happy I got to be an early reader for it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 17, 2024
This book follows an autistic MC trying to understand and process grief after both of her parents died
- also pan ace rep
- also her best friend has POTS
- also non-binary side rep
- also a mini cinderella sub-plot
Uhhh… sign me the heck up!
While it could do with a round of editing, this book was an incredibly beautiful read that had me constantly switching between laughing, crying, and begging for the MC to recognise the crush she was hiding from herself.
This book included a combination of flashbacks and dreams scattered through the chapters, and I loved the way these worked with the plot, often alongside it rather than remaining entirely separate. These sections worked to show that grief isn’t just about loss, that it can also be traumatic, and that can echo through in various areas of your life. It can be triggered not only by genuine reminders, but by other experiences, both positive and negative.
Trying to process grief in general can be difficult, but as an autistic person, there are extra barriers. And then we throw in all of the other things Eleanor is dealing with and processing all at once… that should be a sure sign you’re in for an emotional read.
There’s also a little romance subplot, and a little Cinderella kind of thing thrown in, but I don’t wanna spoil it. It’s all incredibly cute though.
- also pan ace rep
- also her best friend has POTS
- also non-binary side rep
- also a mini cinderella sub-plot
Uhhh… sign me the heck up!
While it could do with a round of editing, this book was an incredibly beautiful read that had me constantly switching between laughing, crying, and begging for the MC to recognise the crush she was hiding from herself.
This book included a combination of flashbacks and dreams scattered through the chapters, and I loved the way these worked with the plot, often alongside it rather than remaining entirely separate. These sections worked to show that grief isn’t just about loss, that it can also be traumatic, and that can echo through in various areas of your life. It can be triggered not only by genuine reminders, but by other experiences, both positive and negative.
Trying to process grief in general can be difficult, but as an autistic person, there are extra barriers. And then we throw in all of the other things Eleanor is dealing with and processing all at once… that should be a sure sign you’re in for an emotional read.
There’s also a little romance subplot, and a little Cinderella kind of thing thrown in, but I don’t wanna spoil it. It’s all incredibly cute though.
June 30, 2024
I've created a good reads account, just so I could review Alex's books (proof of how great they are! At least the ones I've read so far).
I think How to breathe Ash is probably still my favourite, in part because it was the first one I read but also because of the representation and writing style. It's written in the 2nd person, which was new for me, and it makes it so much more intense since you feel like the main character. (I did need to take a couple breaks because I got so emotional.) I loved finally getting to see a true representation of an autsistic person grieving (and just existing) and I also liked the PoTS representation. I was a litttle weary at first when Alex advertised it on their tiktok as a "Cinderella retelling" because of my limited knowledge of what that meant; so rest assured it isn't the story of cinderella with a couple mini changes (like the colour of her dress), it's completly different.
Everyone should read it especially if you're autistic!
Thank you Alex for writing amazing books and making them affordable :)
I think How to breathe Ash is probably still my favourite, in part because it was the first one I read but also because of the representation and writing style. It's written in the 2nd person, which was new for me, and it makes it so much more intense since you feel like the main character. (I did need to take a couple breaks because I got so emotional.) I loved finally getting to see a true representation of an autsistic person grieving (and just existing) and I also liked the PoTS representation. I was a litttle weary at first when Alex advertised it on their tiktok as a "Cinderella retelling" because of my limited knowledge of what that meant; so rest assured it isn't the story of cinderella with a couple mini changes (like the colour of her dress), it's completly different.
Everyone should read it especially if you're autistic!
Thank you Alex for writing amazing books and making them affordable :)
July 15, 2023
i read this entire book in one sitting and it was SO SO good like i love hazel so much and the writing??? was so good!!! like i’m not a fan of second person pov usually but the two books i’ve read of yours that have them are just amazing and the book was amazing with dealing with grief and different ways and i think it’s impossible to rank my favourite books of yours but i will definitely be rereading this a million times
January 11, 2024
This was the first book of this genre that I've read. It would be helpful to include a glossary page for those of us who are unfamiliar with LBGTQ+ labels. I was confused at times trying to figure out what was meant by said labels. I sincerely want to understand more about the LGBTQ+ community since I have some young family members who are a part of it. Thankfully, one of those young people was helpful in answering my texts!
The addition of the autistic issues was intriguing and well-done.
The addition of the autistic issues was intriguing and well-done.
April 16, 2024
I felt so seen in this book. This book is so dear to me I couldn’t put it down unless absolutely necessary. As an Ace Autistic person I have never been able to see myself in books nor media the way that this book has done. I don’t feel like I am crazy when I have not cried for those that have passed. I loved everything about this book. I even ordered the paperback that is on the way so I can just hold this book forever and write all over it how much it means to me. Thank you for writing this.
June 6, 2023
received an early copy & loved it so much! i really connect with the characters and absolutely love fairytale retellings. i will update my review more after the book is out and finalized and i reread it :)
September 14, 2023
AAAAAAAA okay so Alex nonymous is definitely my favourite author now this book was incredible and so well written and the characters were all just the right amount of flawed and this was such a good book wow-
June 7, 2023
Thanks to the author for letting me early read! It was amazing as always :)
November 17, 2023
i have no words. this might be my new favourite book?
January 23, 2024
amazing, phenomenal. Eleanor is so me and I love her dearly.
February 22, 2024
A wonderful exploration of autistic grief in a brilliant modern retelling of the Cinderella story.
November 22, 2023
I got this book because i saw the video on tiktok where the author said that this book is for autistic people.
It is extremely for autistic people. The main character was extremely relatable to me (a fellow autistic person). I didn't realize that i wanted autistic books untill i read this one.
It is extremely for autistic people. The main character was extremely relatable to me (a fellow autistic person). I didn't realize that i wanted autistic books untill i read this one.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews