Heaven

Halo #3

by Alexandra Adornetto

Heaven must be missing an angel....

The angel Bethany and her mortal love, Xavier, have already pushed the boundaries of Heaven with their relationship. In this conclusion to the Halo trilogy, the two take their love to the next, forbidden, step: They marry.

At a time when they believe nothing will come between them again, they are faced with their most daunting challenge yet: the Sevens, a military order of angels designed to maintain balance in the universe. These soldiers won't stop until their job is done - capture the wayward angel and send her home.

Secrets, exile, and unexpected allies flavor the rest of this intense love story and adventure.

Beth discovers there is only one way back to earth, but the cost is higher than she - and readers - ever imagined. If she can survive, she can prove to Heaven and Earth that there is nothing stronger than the power of love.

Genres: Angels, Young Adult, Fantasy, Romance, Paranormal, Paranormal Romance, Supernatural

419 pages, Hardcover

First published August 21, 2012

About the author

Alexandra Emily Adornetto was born on the 18th of April 1992 in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. She is the only child of an English Teacher and a Drama Teacher and attended, in her own words, "many" schools including MacRobertson Girls' High School, Ruyton Girls' School and Eltham College. She has loved stories for as long as she can remember. In 2006, she won the State Legacy Public Speaking competition. She began writing a Children's novel when she was only 13, inspired by J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan. At 14, she sold it to HarperCollins Publishers, that also bought the two next novels of The Strangest Adventures series. The Halo series is her first YA fantasy romance and marks her international debut. She relocated to Oxford, Mississippi, where she divided her time between the USA and Australia, while she studied and wrote. Now she lives in Hollywood, where she hopes to combine novel writing and acting as Alexandra Grace. Her passions include old-school country music, theology, singing and performing.

Reviews

[Cait · Rating 1 out of 5]

I just want to tell you all: this is the first book I really considered quitting not once, not twice, but three times. I am so happy that this series is over and that I will never pick up any of these books from this series again for as long as I live. I am the definition of done. Also, spoilers will be abound and aplenty throughout this whole review, and this is going to a a mostly Supernatural gif-filled extravaganza, because A). That is how angels/demons/etc. should be done and B). I can. So if you do not like spoilers or Supernatural, leave now, because shit's about to get ugly up in here

I do not even really know where to start in the shit-fest that was Heaven, but I suppose where I started with all of my other reviews of this series, and the root of most of these book's problems: Bethany.



And even with her I don't really know where to start! First off, this is what Adornetto tries and make us believe that Bethany is going to be like in Heaven:

I let the timid girl I’d once been shrink into the shadows like a wallflower at a dance and allowed the new Beth to take over. I didn’t know her too well, but somehow I felt like she’d been there all along, waiting in the wings, an understudy ready for her moment to shine.

No. Just no. She is vapid, she is stupid, she is judgmental and critical of other females, she complains about every single thing that happens to her, and even when it's not about her and she's not even directly effected by it, she still somehow turns it around and makes it all about her. She is only "strong" when it is convenient for her to be, which is normally at the worst times literarily possible. Like this tidbit, for instance, right after she gets married to Xavier in a church with a priest, and first off, what the fuck is the priest even doing marrying them? It is told to us that he clearly knows what Bethany is and what they are doing and the repercussions of such actions, but he does it anyways? And what are the two of them even doing getting married in such an extremely religious way, anyways? They are already basically giving God a one-finger salute, and if they thought getting married in this way was going to somehow sooth the man upstairs, they were incredibly wrong. If anything, that's adding not only the one finger salute, but adding fireworks, a ten-piece band, and a huge, fluorescent sign with the words, "FUCK YOU" emblazoned onto them. So, the priest basically gets murdered by this reaper which I think he totally deserved and this is how Bethany reacts immediately afterwards about the man who basically gave up his life for them. And, let me remind you, we are supposed to think of her as strong now:

“Beth, what have we done?” he whispered. “We killed someone.” “No, we didn’t.” I knelt down beside him and took his hands in mine. “Listen to me, Xavier, this isn’t our fault.”

“Get in,” she commanded. “Now.” “No,” I objected, pulling feebly away from them. “I’m sick of everybody telling us what to do!” “You have betrayed the laws of Heaven and caused the untimely death of a man of the cloth,” my sister said through clenched teeth. “Have you no regrets?” “We didn’t know that would happen!”

We just wanted to be married. Why is that so wrong?” “In the eyes of Heaven it is,” Ivy said, her rainstorm eyes meeting mine calmly for the first time. “That’s not fair,” I protested, and at the same time felt tears threatening to spill.



Are you kidding me?!?! Are you fucking kidding me, Bethany?! How is it not your fault?! Because you two idiots decided to get married, the guy died. And you seriously didn't think that something like that just might happen? I'm not even an angel and I know that and angel/human shacking up, and then getting married is a pretty big deal, so you honestly didn't think that there would be some serious repercussions for your actions? And, Adornetto, how is this supposed to make me think of Bethany as anything other than a weak, spineless, little idiot, exactly? It's not like I'm inferring these things, you pretty much put them smack down on the page by calling her "feeble" and making her cry and complain about how much her life sucks when a guy just died. And then you have Gabriel say stuff like this!

“You do not experience emotion, Bethany— you wallow in it, you are controlled by it, and everything you have done is based entirely on self-interest.”

“Just because you don’t understand love doesn’t make it wrong!” “This isn’t about love anymore. It’s about obedience and responsibility. Two concepts you appear not to understand.”


First off, as a little aside, that made me want to like you Gabriel but then Adornetto had to go and mess it all up. As usual, which I will be talking about later. And everything Bethany says just makes me want to puke:

“We’ve never talked about it, you know,” he continued in a tentative voice. I knew he didn’t want to push me. “The time you spent in…” Xavier petered out. But I wasn’t afraid to say it. “Hell?” I prompted. “There’s not much to tell. It was everything they say it is.”

I saw a poster on a door that read WE LOVE OUR REBELS. I stopped for a moment and thought about it. Maybe I would fit in here because that was who I’d become now. A runaway. A rebel. But not without a cause.




Really, Bethany? Because everyone knows that Hell is full of nightclubs with massive sex orgies and 5-star hotels with suites where the demons and super speshul (AKA hot people from the orgy club) evil people can hang out with one another, and don't forget the random deserts here and there. We only saw the way Hell is normally portrayed once! Once! And that was for what? Ten pages? Maybe? First off, adding the "not without a cause" made everything before that sound so tacky that I couldn't even take any of it seriously. And what does Bethany think? That they are actually a bunch of rebels? Ole Miss is a very preppy southern college; just because that's their mascot/saying does not mean that the class populace are a bunch of nonconformists! And if anyone is actually questioning whether or not Bethany is actually as stupid as I say, here's a real gem for you:

“What’s wrong?” I was seized by a wave of self-consciousness. Had I done something wrong? I wracked my brain, trying to remember every move I’d made so far, but I’d been too lost in the moment to remember. “We don’t have protection. I didn’t think we’d need it.” “Forget it.”


Yes, Adornetto, just tell your young, female, audience that it is okay to have sex without protection, because love and your hubby's ability to pull out quick enough will see you through! Just fucking kill me now

And nothing bad still really ever happens to her through the whole damn book! Right after they are uprooted from Venus Cove, first they stay in a five-star resort cabin, and then guess where she gets to go, in case you guys couldn't tell, she gets to go to Ole Miss. And, what makes it all worse, is that they change identities and guess what they are listed as? Brother and sister. So guess what happens? Tons of judgmental attitude and slut-shaming from Bethany as Xavier gets hit on by every girl on campus, who it isn't even their fault that they didn't know that they were married, but Bethany hates them all, anyways:

“I’m glad you did,” Mary said in a high-pitched, fluty voice. I rolled my eyes behind her back. It was starting already. The female attention that Xavier received was going to get on my nerves fast.


Stop it, Bethany. But does it? Nope. Because not only does the slut-shaming continue, but Bethany literally goes crazy:

I slept fitfully from then on. I dreamed of Peyton and Xavier’s wedding, full of rapturous guests and bouquets of flowers just as it should be instead of substitute rings and a dead priest like ours had featured. Xavier’s entire family was there and Peyton’s father gave her away at the altar. Mary Ellen was there too, tugging on my sleeve incessantly and crying this bitch is fucking crazy when Xavier failed to acknowledge her presence. Then the scene shifted and I watched as Wade proposed to Molly. I saw her accept without hesitation and he carried her across the dance floor. She seemed to be dancing while standing on his feet so he was propping her up like a ragdoll. None of the moves she made were her own and her head lolled eerily to one side like she was a puppet full of stuffing. When her vacant eyes met mine, they were looking right through me because this was all a dream, and did I mention I'm crazy?.

"[I] snapped. I was not going to let this happen. Xavier and I had been through enough and there was no chance I was going to let some frivolous freshman screw up the one place that was still safe for us. I pointed a finger at Mary Ellen’s mouth and a second later a thick layer of skin began to creep across her lips

“Was that really necessary?” he hissed into my ear as he helped Mary Ellen to her feet. Ordinarily, I would have felt regret or guilt over what I’d done, but today I looked into Mary Ellen’s alarmed face and frightened eyes and felt nothing. Yes, it was necessary.



Yes I added parts for creative allowance, but can you really blame me? This girl is off her rocker. A few pears short of a fruit basket. You guys get what I mean. And, yes,

And, of course, Bethany is absolutely useless without Xavier. She literally cannot do anything without him, and threatens that she will kill herself if anything happens to him so many times that I wanted to puke my guts out (which I will also talk about later). But you know what really got to me? The way people treated her!

I held the elevator door for a woman carrying a cardboard box piled with pillows and picture frames. “Oh, I can wait,” she said emphatically. “You’re so nice and pretty, I don’t wanna mess you up.”




No real person who was actually struggling with their stuff would wait a whole extra elevator just to "not mess Bethany up!" And how would she even mess her up, anyways? It's walking into a goddamn elevator; just go stand in the corner so you don't run into anyone! Jesus! Adornetto does not need to make Bethany so special!

I need to move on, so now I will go to Gabriel and Molly.

Yup, that's right, I said Gabriel and Molly. I wanted to like Gabriel so badly, since him and Ivy were basically the only ones that told Bethany how it actually was, but then Molly has to walk in with absolutely no redeeming qualities:

“Oh, just little things, Like how I should dress and how I shouldn’t speak to men who aren’t my husband.” She waved her hands at Xavier. “Don’t worry, you have a wife so you don’t count.” “Molly…You don’t have to believe everything they say.” “Well, actually, Wade is my fiancé. And I have to be obedient to him.”



She is so incredibly stupid, and is in an incredibly abusive relationship with this jerk-off named Wade most of the book. Now, I am not against Angel-people romance, hell, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker with Angelfall, and in Supernatural I enjoy Cas' curiosity about sex cough cough Pizza Man porn boner cough cough, but if you're going to do it, you have to make it not only believable for Gabriel, an archangel no less, but for me to boot. And let me tell you, Gabriel would not fall for anyone like Molly. And what makes it worse is that the scene where he kisses her is so random:

“My life is governed by rules,” Gabriel said, almost to himself. Before any of us knew what was happening, Gabriel took Molly’s face in his hands, leaned down, and kissed her.



At this point I was so done with this book if it hadn't been on my computer I would have chucked it across the room, but I'll just leave my final thoughts about this to the real Gabriel:


Thank you Gabriel bby let me have your babies

Now, we get onto the writing. Everything that was supposed to be funny was not and everything that was supposed to be hilarious I found annoying. And let me tell you something; Adornetto is one of the worst sex writers I've ever seen:

Our first night as husband and wife felt like exploring a magical underwater world where nothing existed save the two of us.

..I still felt like I was diving from a great height. The same feelings from last night washed over me as I descended back into the coral sea of vivid colors and warm sensations, a place where only the two of us existed in a fantastical dimension.



BAHAHAHAH ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS LIKE WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE THE LITTLE MERMAID OOH HO HO HO IT'S SO FUCKING WET LET ME JUST DIVE INTO YOUR DICK HERE XAVIER.

And when Mary saw the two of them making out in the locker rooms (they were supposed to be brother and sister), and The Seven, who I realized were basically just Slendermen just made me burst out laughing and go:


And I was never able to take anything seriously in this book ever again.

And the stuff that was supposed to be funny? Like when this scene happened?

“Reckon they’re vampires?” I heard one whisper. “Girl, you have got to stop watching True Blood,” her friend said, shaking her head in mock concern. Molly and Xavier shared a chuckle while Gabriel and I looked on blankly. Xavier patted my knee. “I’ll explain later.”


I did not find funny at all.

And just the whole damn plot was ridiculous. Like I said earlier, nothing bad ever really happened to Bethany. Ever. The only thing that happened that I felt was actually horrible, Bethany losing her wings, was completely down-sized by Adornetto because Bethany wanted her wings off and, as she liked to whine about for the last ten percent of the book, hated Heaven and didn't even want to be there. So what the fuck bad actually happened to her. Really? Nothing, that's what. And the amount of loopholes when it came to Xavier; like the time that he died and this happened:

“I don’t know what I can do. He’s already gone.” “What!” I almost screamed at her. “You’ve done this before, you’ve brought people back! I've seen
you do it!” “People who were close to death,” my sister said. “On the brink. But he’s … past that point now.” “No…” I cut her off. “If he dies, I die.” " Okay."



You can't just make loopholes like that! Just because Bethany threatens Ivy with suicide when Ivy said it was impossible does not make it automatically able to happen! And just everything with Xavier period. First he's dead, then he's fine, then he's possessed, and then he turns out to be some half-angel?! This just makes me so upset. Why can't just one person be a normal, intelligent, human being? Why is anyone that is special/smart not human? I don't like that some authors make people think they need to be angels/vampires/other creatures to be important or worth anything. Not that I don't want them, but just they way Adornetto objectifies humans and angels really bothered me.



So, I hated Heaven, and am going to end my review with this:




Because happiness.
Pre-review

Something I just saw in this books synopsis is incredibly pissing me off; two parts of it, actually. First off, this quote:

" Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat.."



No. And if you don't get it yet, fucking no. She does not know how teen hearts beat, if anything, she knows how to make teen hearts stop beating because their books literally kill you with their idiocy. I'll just direct you my review of Hades and my review of Halo to show you my rage over those two books, and you'll just have to scroll for not even two seconds to see the absolute hatred of what Adornetto has done in these books and with this series. I don't know who wrote that synopsis for this book, but either they've never really read the books or is being paid a lot of money to write something that would clearly be incredibly painful for me or just about anyone else I know.

And then, just the rest of the damn synopsis! I mean, what the hell!



What in the Hell is this?! They're actually going through with getting fucking married?! Just kill me now, because I can already tell that this book is going to be one of my most hated this year, if not the most hated. The plot in this already leaves me with questions. What in the hell happened with Hell?!?! Last time I knew, the Colonel from KFC Satan was still pretty pissed at her and wanted her ass dead, but now he's apparently leaving her alone now?! He's the devil; he doesn't give a damn if they're getting married! That's not how things work, Adornetto! You're creating a plot-hole the size of China, here, and it's pissing me off. And what the hell is God doing about all this?! The synopsis says "rouge angels" so I'm assuming they're aren't allied with God or even going against his wishes, so he's just totally cool with her marrying a human and possibility producing Nephilim children?!



Fucking. No. I understand the need for creative license and all that, but she's taking it too far. Honestly, I'm rooting for those "rouge" angels! They're the only ones actually doing the job they're meant to do! Seriously, though, they should be called the "correct" angels, and everyone else who's just rooting or even passively ignoring this stupid relationship like God apparently is should be the rouge ones. All of them, besides those seven angels, are failing at the job of being angels. I hope they drag Bethany's ass to Heaven and hopefully God suddenly remembers the fucking Bible and punishes that idiot. This fills me with so much rage I think I'll just let Sokka explain my feelings for this. Sokka?


Thank you, Sokka.

[John Egbert · Rating 1 out of 5]

As of 7/9/2012

So I finally got around to reading (and trying to make sense of) the synopsis.

Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat,

You see, this is the obvious bait. I'm not going to take it. I'm going to walk away and move on to the next sentence, because if I were to even get started on how much of an insult this is to teenagers (and really every human being on the planet) I wouldn't be able to stop. And none of us want that.

So instead I'm going to take this the literal way and say that I hope Adornetto knows about the blood pumping processes of the heart, teenage or otherwise. Because that would at least ensure that she has the basic biological knowledge of a third grader.

Bethany, an angel sent to Earth, and her mortal boyfriend, Xavier, have been to Hell and back. But now their love will be put to its highest test yet, as they defy Heavenly law and marry.

I mean, really, this is literally the stupidest thing I've read all week. It just, I can't, I can't do it. It hurts when I think about this for too long.

I really can't understand why

I just don't

help

Okay, I'm going to try to make logic out of this.

So I guess Adornetto is trying to go for the Nephilim thing here?

But the problem is, and I'm not positive, the reason why God didn't want any angels marrying humans is because they always had kids and those kids were... Nephilim.

So, to me at least, it seems that as long as Bethie and Xavier agree to adopt nobody should really give a shit.

And it's not like, even in the bible, you saw God getting all flustered about the whole thing. I mean he kind of let them do it anyway, right, so it must not have been that big of a deal.

They don’t tell Beth’s archangel siblings, Gabriel and Ivy, but the angels know soon enough, and punishment comes in a terrifying form: the Sevens, who are rogue angels bent on keeping Beth and Xavier apart, destroying Gabriel and Ivy, and darkening angelic power in the heavens.

Wait, okay, what, this is the part where it really starts to not make sense.

If the Sevens are rogue.

And the rogue are, like, not with God. (I assume that's why they're labelled as rogue.)

And God is not with Xavier and Bethie getting married.

Shouldn't the Sevens not care?

And even if I've got it all wrong, and the Sevens are really with God, there is still no reason as to why it's such a big deal. Who cares? Oh god, no pun intended, I just can't understand why anyone gives a fuck. It's just so hard for me to care, why would they? Don't they have more important things to do with their time than dabble in the lives of two very annoying brats?

AND IF THE SEVEN ARE BENT ON 'DARKENING ANGELIC POWER' THEN, UH, DISOBEYING GOD WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD PLACE TO START WITH THAT.

The only way Bethany and Xavier can elude the Sevens is to hide in the open

What the fuck? HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE??!!?!??!

The only way they can evade the Sevens is to HIDE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT????

AOGJ;LERABIVAP;,O;KJETHAJO,O I DON'T UNDERSTAND HELP

Gabriel and Ivy set them up at college, where they can’t reveal their relationship,

HUH? WHY?

Look if there are a group of dangerous angels on your tail then NOT MAKING KISSY FACES AT EACH OTHER EVERY FIVE SECONDS ISN'T GOING TO HELP THEM FROM FIGURING OUT WHO YOU ARE.

And they could very, very easily just have a relationship

IN

PRIVATE

LIKE OTHER PEOPLE WHO CAN'T BE TOGETHER IN PUBLIC DO

EVERY DAY

WHY AM I EVEN ARGUING LOGIC WITH THIS BOOK

AND WHY AM I TALKING IN CAPS AND NOT USING ANY PUNCTUATION

UGH

SORRY

Will Bethany be called back to Heaven – forever – and face leaving the love of her life?

OH MY GOD WHO GIVES A SHIT.

First of all we built the entire fucking synopsis up to this pathetic ending and sad excuse for a conflict (trust me, I know it's hard to write conflict, but this just sucks). Second of all every single problem Bethie and Xavier face could be simply enough solved or doesn't make any logical sense.

Third of all... THAT ISN'T ANY REAL CONFLICT.

I mean okay look

It's like either she's called back to Heaven... or she isn't.

Either God tells her to bring her feathery tail back up to the clouds... or he doesn't.

THAT ISN'T CONFLICT.

THAT ISN'T EVEN A CHOICE THAT BETHANY HAS TO MAKE, HOW IS THAT CONFLICT.

WHY AM I STILL TRYING TO ARGUE LOGIC INTO THIS BOOK.

WHY AM I ANGRY THAT THIS WHOLE SERIES IS A HUGE GLOP OF BORING BULLSHIT WRITTEN BY AN UNINTELLIGENT UNEDUCATED PERSON WHO'S PRESENTED AS A SPOKESPERSON FOR ALL TEENAGERS

I MEAN I WENT THROUGH THIS WHOLE THING

WHEN I READ HADES

AND NOW I'M DOING IT AGAIN

LIKE A SICK CYCLE

UGH


As of 4/10/2012 EXTRA EXTRA BIG WARNING DUE TO EXCESS OF TROLLS: THE FOLLOWING CONSISTS OF SWEARING, HATE DIRECTED TOWARDS THE HALO SERIES BY ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO, GENERAL DISTASTE FOR PEOPLE WHO RATED THE BOOK FIVE STARS BEFORE THE COVER HAD EVEN CAME OUT YET, GIFS, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY SWEARING AND ANGER.

IF YOU LIKE THE HALO SERIES IN ANY WAY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY NOT CONTINUE. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A TASTEFUL, CLEAN PRE-REVIEW OF THIS BOOK THEN YOU SHOULD NOT PROCEED. IF YOU ARE UNDER 12 THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY NOT PROCEED.

(Not like I can stop you if you are under 12 and decide to proceed anyway, though.)

MOST IMPORTANTLY, IF YOU ARE A FAN OF THE HALO SERIES DO. NOT. PROCEED. AT ALL. AND IF YOU DO PROCEED ANYWAY, NO LECTURING ON HOW GREAT OF A WRITER ADDIE IS AND HOW I NEED TO STFU, M'KAY? M'KAY!




Warning: Will be flipping out. Halo...does things to me...












HOLY FUCKING SHIT. WHAT THE FUCKEDY FUCK.

Why, why, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY IS THIS MONSTER RATED SO HIGH?

THE SHIT HASN'T EVEN COME OUT YET!

To combat all of the morons rating this book five or so stars before the motherfucking cover is even released, I'll be rating this bastard one, one, A SINGULAR star even though I wish I could give it NOTHING.


"You get NOTHING! You LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!"

STOP RATING BOOKS YOU HAVEN'T READ, PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY BOOKS IN CRAPPY, PREACHY, NASTY SERIES'S LIKE THIS.

*cries*



In this bloody creature of a series, I wish the average rating was fucking ONE STAR so there would be TRUTH about this THING everywhere on the planet!

*more crying*



*even more crying*



...


...


...

[Marlena · Rating 1 out of 5]

RAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

FUCKING PIECE OF ROTTING BULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!

AHAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHHAAAA!! HAHAAAHAAA!!

(You see what this series has done to me.
It's driven me crazy... 0.0)


WHHHHYYY!? WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHHHHHYYYYEEEEE?



FUCK THE WORLD!!!! DX


Update: 3/21/12

I just read the synopsis. Is this for real? Really?

REALLY!?

So, in order to remain safe from some oooh scary angels, Bethany and Xavier go to college!? Oh sure, just blow $100,000 and party and whatnot! I am working my ASS off just to afford the first year! You know what, fuck you!! You are going to college to hide while I am trying to go to college to LEARN and to better my FUCKING LIFE!

GODMOTHERFUCKINGDAMMIT!!!

(sorry, it's that time of the year when I am impatiently waiting to hear from the rest of the colleges I applied to and researching thousands of scholarships. It's a stressful time. -_-)

I am so glad I am not reading this shit. I hope Bethany gets what she's always wanted and gets her wings ripped off so that she can stay with Xavier as a mortal and DIE!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!! XD

Edit: 4/1/12
*stares at cover*

Is... Is this for real? Is this the actual cover?

........

BAHAHAHAHA!! AHAHAHAHAHA!! *snorts* AHAHAHA!!

*falls on the ground and kicks feet in the air* Teeheehee! Oh my god... Ha, ha, heh... That seals it, there is no god damn way I am getting this. I was worried that if the cover was too beautiful that I would have to get it. But this cover...!

*points at cover and laughs more*

Just go away! You are killing me!

Edit: 8/1/12
So I read the first chapter because a friend of mine gave me a link to it. At first, I didn't even want to read it. I had sworn that I would not even glance in this hideous book's direction, that I would plug my ears and sing, "La la la la!" if anyone mentioned it's name.



However, curiosity got the better of me.


UGH.


Yet, in a way, I am glad I read the first chapter. It helped me see what direction the book will go, and I do NOT want to go down the same path with this shit.

So its starts out where Hades left off. There is an earthquake, the ring falls to the floor, and Bethany is preparing to be sent back to Heaven or whatever.

But then the earthquake stops, and everything is honey-dorey.

Are you kidding me!? Hades left us hanging on an "oh-so-intense-moment" where we think something bad is going to happen, then its just ends!? But I suppose I expected this. Ally has a thing for over-dramatizing every little thing when, in reality, nobody gives a flying fuck.

After the little, "Oh it was just a warning tremor from God or whatever, no biggie!" Xavier and Bethany go to the church to get married. I noticed that the writing improved, but I still found myself skipping paragraphs and details here and there. Does the author have to explain every action of the characters and detail of the surroundings? I think I get the picture, Ally. I have imagination, you know!

So Father Mel holds the ceremony, and woohoo, Bethany and Xavier are married. I got up from the computer at that point and asked myself, "Do I dare continue with this atrocity?" I noticed I didn't have much longer to go, so I took a deep breath and continued on reading.

Then it (finally) started to get interesting. A Grim Reaper holding a scythe comes marching into the church. At first, I am all like, "Cool!" since I am a huge fan of Death and the Grim Reaper. I am hopping up and down in my chair, hoping that the Reaper has come to take Bethany or Xavier's soul (or maybe both, since I equally hate them) and exact punishment on them. But then the Grim Reaper turns on Father Mel, basically blaming him that Bethany got married to a mortal. He takes Father Mel's soul, and leaves the real culprits behind.

WHAT THE FUCK!!?

I hate this Grim Reaper! Why did he have to take it out on poor Father Mel!? Bethany is to blame! She started this whole mess!! I JUST DON'T GET IT AAAAAAGRRAAAJNGONDOGNINAISFN!! I WANT HER TO DIIIIIEEEEEE!!


So I am done. I can't... I just can't. Reading that first chapter completely sealed it. Done. Finito! I hate Bethany so much it makes me want to tear my hair out. I despise Xavier with a passion that I did not know I could ever feel. And I can no longer tolerate this stupid, pointless, aggravating, insulting, blasphemous, horrible, atrocious series any longer. This is the reason I no longer carry hope for the YA genre, when books like these get published and idolized, when people with actual talent get dismissed or ignored.

I will not read this... thing... I never will. I already have an ending tot his series, and I am sticking to it.

MY version of the conclusion to this series:

God- You are no longer fit to be my messenger! I strip you of your powers, your wings, and your place in Heaven!
Bethany- Nooooooooooooo!
(She gets banished, her get ripped off, and she is sent back to Earth as a mortal)
Xavier-Beth! What happened!?
Bethany-I am no longer an angel...(sobs briefly)... I am like you now. We can be together, and grow old.
Xavier-We can... Oh, Beth. We will be together till then end.
Bethany-Yes, and we--
(A bus runs over her. After that, she gets trampled by stampeding cows. Then, a group of bicyclists speed over her crumpled body. She dies)
Xavier-Nooooooooo! Why, God, why--!?
(Xavier gets struck by lightning. He dies)
God-That will shut him up. :>

The End

[Maddison Rayne]

Am i the only one who liked Jake???

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

For some reason, there is a lot of bad review. I like the book because I love all book. The author work hard for it. And i'm mad that people are being ass. You can dislike the book but you don't have to be bitchy about it. How would you like it if you write your own book, and you get a hell of hate message? But again, i'm no one side. Although in my other side, i guess that this "hate" message to Alexandra Adornetto can enlight her to do better in future writing. Sign.... people these day... i don't know what to say anymore.

In the beginning, I was just annoyed with the main character Beth, because she still act childish and very stubborn. But doing all of this and why she have to do for her beloved make me like her even more. She sweet and strong. Her love for Xavier and going against Heaven for what she truly fights for is the reason why I really respect her.
Even if the story end beautifully and very teary, I still felt that there some thing that still need to be explain. The relationship with Archangel Gabriel and Molly? What the hell happened to them? Ah, It impossible to write how the Archangel such as him would fall in love. I don’t think she (the author) can take the risk of explain how that could happen. But it could that she make the reader VERY curious for sure.
Overall, I like the second better with Jake. It was very intense. But I would prefer this book over the first one. The ending and the whole setting was just beautifully well written.

[Mitch · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh. Here I was thinking, hey, Heaven can't be so bad if I read it as a parody, right? Right? *Crickets* Who am I kidding, it's still terrible. The only thing that's remotely amazing is how I've now managed to finish this series even though I couldn't get past chapter four of the eye gouging turd that was Fallen, but that's neither here nor there. Only means this book isn't the biggest pile of crap, but it's still a pile of crap.

Where to start? Not a revelation at all, after Halo and Hades it's really to be expected, but I'll go ahead and confirm this last installment is as filled with the same melodramatic writing, laughably bad dialogue, and ridiculously overwritten prose as its predecessors. Except this time, renegade angel Bethany finally marries longtime flame Xavier, so Adornetto gets to replace her standard cheesy lines with bizarre over the top exchanges that even I had to reread several times because, sorry, I don't get it. Then I just decided I didn't need to be enlightened about the intricacies of teen marriage and gave up.

Consider the following:

“I want to kiss you,” I said suddenly. “I want to kiss my husband.”
“I think you need a distraction.” Xavier sighed.
“I completely agree....”
“Not that kind of distraction.”

Ummm WTF. As if Beth's preachy attitude and teen marriage as a gesture of eternal love obsession aren't enough *shudders*, I get lines like - I don't even know what that is. Take it from here, Gabriel (yes he actually says this to Beth):

“You’re delusional.”

Yup. I mean, Adornetto just keeps adding fuel to the fire, like, come on Beth, don't you know how a safe house works? Ummm, when Gabriel AND Ivy tell you to stay indoors, you DO NOT get Xavier to agree to let you wander around the yard and then turn it into a jaunt in the forest so the killer angels after you, who you know are nearby, can find and kill you. And judging Molly when she gets engaged because her relationship is totally different from yours, right? I ... just ... can't.

But Bethany isn't even the worst thing about Heaven, I survived two books with her so far after all, what's more troubling is how the schizophrenic storytelling has gotten even worse - much worse. Beth and the gang go from hiding in the woods to hiding on a college campus to finally hiding in their hometown (umm WTF didn't they all agree at the beginning that staying in Venus Cove was a BAD idea?), and somewhere in the middle Lucifer pops up with Jake Thorn in tow, all connected by the most tenuous of logical connections and featuring pointless scenes like Beth and Xavier posing at siblings in college (because there will be a make out scene that somebody will interpret as incest, duh), Beth and Xavier making out in the woods (even though the angels on their tail can supposedly easily track them unless they're indoors or hiding among a whole bunch of people ... also, must resist dirty pun involving Xavier's last name), Beth dealing with her high energy err perky roommate, Mary Ellen, and Xavier falling for fellow college student Peyton, leading to this bizarre ... I don't even know how to describe this dream sequence:

I dreamed of Peyton and Xavier’s wedding, full of rapturous guests and bouquets of flowers just as it should be instead of substitute rings and a dead priest like ours had featured. Xavier’s entire family was there and Peyton’s father gave her away at the altar. Mary Ellen was there too, tugging on my sleeve incessantly and crying when Xavier failed to acknowledge her presence.

Except Peyton's dropped right after whatever that was and never seen again while Adornetto goes back to dredging up every single college cliche, stereotype, and oversimplified misconception she can think of, sororities, Rush Week, the freshman fifteen ... come on, I've been in college longer than I've been out of college, let's get real.

Then, there are the indescribably bizarre gems, oh wait, once again I have just the quote:

“Gracious!” Xavier exclaimed loudly. “So much for sticking together. What a bad wife.”

That alone deserves an extra half star for this book (rounded down), I don't know how I could've have survived otherwise, because at this point the warning signs in my head are all saying in big bold letters, who's editing this? Is anyone editing this? Why would anyone willingly edit this? There are so many plot holes it's not even funny - besides the make out session in the woods that goes against common sense and every warning from Gabriel and Ivy, let's see, while Beth and Xavier are hiding in the cabin, Gabriel and Ivy go out but leave the keys to their jeep behind, a couple of days pass, then the two angels drive back in the jeep ... the same day they left! Or, Ivy and Gabriel leave Beth and Xavier alone in a room, and then, three paragraphs later, Beth starts talking to Gabe again! Wait, WTF?

Even Beth admits it:

“Great. This is so messed up.”

Yeah, pretty much. Lampshading. Let's just say this series ends with a huge deus ex machina cop out and I just wasted hours of my life I'll never get back. *Head desk*

Oh, and I just looked at the cover. Am I the only one who notices her neck is abnormally long?

[Merary · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought it couldn't get any worse. Boy, I was wrong.

Bethany Church, or the Paranormal Mary Sue, whichever you want to call her, hasn't changed. At all.

After Xavier proposed to Bethany at the end of Hades, God made it really clear that this marriage was an abomination. Did Xavier and Bethany listen? Of course not.
So, they get married, cheese cheese blah blah, and OMG! A reaper appears to destroy it. What should they do? Bethany protects Xavier which made the reaper KILL Father Mel, Xavier's family friend!
DID I JUST READ THAT RIGHT? BETHANY, AN ANGEL, KILLED SOMEBODY! Okay, not directly, but she caused it.
Her response after Gabriel and Ivy arrived? “We didn't know it would happen!”



*sighs* Bethany, you marry a human, which is prohibited by Heaven law, and you didn't know it would happen?


I doubt that Bethany will realize that, though.

So, Gabriel and Ivy tried to reason with her but she. Won't. Listen.

"But why? This is not fair! We only wanted to get married! Why can everyone see this from our perspective? What we have is TRUE LOVE!!"

Selfish, is Bethany's new name.

The new plan is to hide them because a group of Slenderman-like angels, the Sevens, are out to destroy them. Thanks a lot, Bethany, your stupid actions caused a lot of chaos.

"But I didn't mean it!"

Fuck you and shut up.

Gabriel and Ivy produced new identifications (which is impossible considering it was made in no time) so they could pass as brother and sister in Oxford. Okay, pause. That's impossible. You can't just go to college without filling out applications. It takes time, damn it! Something that Adornetto doesn't seem to understand!

So, they get into college and Bethany gets a roommate, Mary-Ellen, which is another excuse to mock teenage girls and their "sins" once again.
Blah blah blah, more drama with a popular girl wanting Xavier, blah blah blah, a bonfire and--
*record scratches*

Bethany and Xavier HAVE SEX.
Oh, no.

The worst part is, they decided not to use a condom because "Forget about it!" So much for the abomination of Nephilim.

Blah blah blah, AND MOLLY IS BACK ON THE PLOT! Really?
She moves to Oxford so she could get together with this creepy, controlling, guy named Wade.
She's SO over Gabriel, y'all.

Oh, talking about "y'all", Adornetto couldn't help but stereotype Southern people. Yes, really.

NOTHING CHANGED.

Then, Hell breaks loose over Xavier and Bethany's marriage (Wtf?) and like, always, Bethany is being selfish.

I felt my stomach sink to my shoes. Was this my fault? Were people now dying because of me, because I'd been stupid enough to make Lucifer angry?

Yes, Bethany. Thanks for your stupidity, everyone is suffering. Get it through your head.

Blah blah blah, MARY-ELLEN CATCHES THEM MAKING OUT. SCANDALOUS BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BROTHER AND SISTER. BETHANY ERASES HER MEMORY. Done.

Blah blah blah, SEVENS ATTACK AND KILL XAVIER!
Wait, what?




THE BEST THING FROM THIS BOOK, PERIOD.
But it doesn't last.


Blah blah blah, demon possession, blah blah blah, Jake is back, blah blah, Gabriel gets his wings stripped--

BLAH BLAH BLAH, I don't care.
By the way, she meets Xavier's dead girlfriend, Emily. And Xavier is part-angel. HOLY SHIT! Way to go, Adornetto! You couldn't help but make him more special, could you? And apparently this whole mess is because he is part-angel and not because Bethany is marrying Xavier. Now that's what I call totally missing the point.
Short story short, Bethany gets back to Heaven, she finds it boring, God gets mad, she gets her wings stripped, AND SHE'S FINALLY HUMAN.
Yes, you read that correctly. She gets rewarded even though she caused disaster and chaos everywhere. Such a Mary Sue.
Even though two years passed when she was in Heaven, Xavier and Bethany get back together and live happily ever after.
THE. FUCKING. END.

This was all over the place, it wasn't funny. This homophobic, sexist (There's a part where it explicitly says that women should obey their husbands), and Christianity-ruiner mess of a book is absolute trash.

And I'm glad I'm done.
Thanks a fucking lot for the suffering.

[Tarra · Rating 1 out of 5]

-0 stars

Oh my. I have to say this was the worst one yet. One would believe that when someone has three tries to get something right, that person eventually would...

Where do I begin?

Let's start with the fun fact that the dense, smoky forestry in South Carolina can, in fact, hide your sinning asses from the Great Cheezus himself! Yup. Bet'cha you didn't know that. Well there you have it. So, if you sin beyond imaginable circumstances you now know where to hide your shame riddled face. And to help you get there: a black jeep. They can outrun angels... Oh and stay indoors.

Also, a large college campus can hide you from angels...beings that watch you in the sky...but not at Ole Miss...

Completely fucking stupid.

It's almost as if you have to have an out of body experience as you read this or the sheer stupidity of it would do you in. Locked up, key tossed.

This is what left me mind-bottled:

Why did the priest that married these two assholes get killed? Beth lied to him to sway his decision to marry them saying that it was God's plan. That doesn't seem fair that he believed an angel and was killed.

How was he dealt with so efficiently but Bonnie and Clyde get to resume FUBARing everyone's life they come in contact with and have been doing such FUBARing for a little over a year now?

Why did I have to sit through 296 pages of mind numbing shenanigans from the bobsy twins? why? why?

Why was the Archangel Gabriel going to give up his wings for the selfish needs of an adolescent angel and her husband? and don't feed me that bullshit about "angels are supposed to protect man and that's what he was doing" because that seems pretty convenient... There is a whole wide world out there that needs a Arch not just some sniveling teenagers with bad case of the sassy-times.

Is Heaven good or bad? I couldn't figure thay shit out.

Does God actually know what's going on? Ever? Cuz I couldn't figure that shit out either. It was made to seem like maybe God got in a bit over his head creating the whole world...

And for all the donuts in Springfield, Why wouldn't Beth, who said repeatedly that she'd give herself up because she wanted to take responsibility for her actions just give herself up??? Take what was coming to her like an adult and then find her way back? Boom. Story over and Adornetto doesn't have a hit out on her.

The rascals:

Beth. Wow, Beth. She was absurdly self centered. I felt it was more so in this book than with any other. She thought only of herself and how she would get Xavier. She didn't care about Gabriel, Ivy, Molly, anyone! Just herself. How was Beth feeling after she lied the Father Mel and got him killed? bad but she still had Xavier. How did Beth feel when Xavier had to leave his family with no explanation to follow her around? bad but she still had Xavier. How did Beth feel when the trail of bodies just kept piling up around her just because they said "Hi" to her once in passing? bad, but she still had Xavier. How about when Gabriel was getting his wings CHOPPED the fuck off and Xavier was battling Lucifer? Bad. But. She. Still. Had. Xavier. It was sickening.

She would say she felt some emotion close to gratitude and then do something that completely contradicted it. She would flip-flop back and forth about being tired of fighting and wanting a fight. She even took on an Avatar State at one point but never once channeled it again.... fucking weird and stupid.

Now, I have to say that I don't do the whole God thing. Personal choice. Yeah, I know, I'm going to Hell. Thank you.

The amount of hypocrisy in this book was difficult to swallow. Beth found some way to twist every God thing to fit her needs. She would go on and on about His will and Her Creator just so that she can explain away the unhealthy relationship she had. It was as if Adornetto didn't want to stick to her guns about what it was she exactly believed happened with religion or God. She would write one thing but turn around a chapter later and refute it... What? stay on one side.

Xavier is part angel....humph. Seriously? Whatevs. I can't take it anymore.

Molly was in an unhealthy relationship...per Beth. Ha. She was also shit on routinely in this book. Poor Molls.

Gabriel and Ivy: Humph. That is all.

Jake Thorn: Welcome back. (That whole scene was so utterly fucking unnecessary.)

All in all: I'm so fucking happy to be done with this series that I cried. I cried on the last page. I also cried during the book at varying parts because my psyche couldn't handle the dribble anymore.

Alexandra Adornetto,

My disdain for you has only grown since Halo. I would ride this wave for all it's worth Honey, because your success was a fluke. I am almost afraid to think about how any of this mirrors your real life... Or worse yet, how you would want it to. Molly wasn't the only one in an unhealthy relationship. I really hope you understand that.

One day, America will have a chance to be top billing in the world-wide race for the title of "Country with the Best Education System" and these "books" will be nothing but cinders. I hope that I am around to witness that day. Until then, I will have my own bonfire.

Nearly Cockeyed in California.

[Nepeta Leijon · Rating 1 out of 5]

READ

Raphael belongs to the SWAG club.


WHAT HAVE I DONE? SWEET SIGNLESS IN A MOTHERFUCKING DREAM BUBBLE, I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF.

Okay, what the fuck was this story about? What was the moral even supposed to be?

"Let's all get married at a young age, have sex, then give up everything for a man!"- Alexandra Adornetto (But not really)

This sums up my feelings:


http://www.google.com/imgres?num=10&a...

Also, this:

http://www.google.com/imgres?num=10&a...

Yeah, Dolorosa does not approve of this message. And neither do I.

Okay, let's continue.

What the hell was up with rehab Heaven? All I could think of was Alcoholics Anonymous. What was the point of rehab Heaven? Why do people suddenly think it's okay to make Heaven into a weird ass place? You know, as a believer of God, I find this book offensive.

This book mocks Christianity and shits in its face. And what Emily said about Bethany and Xavier is true. Those mofos are way too co-dependent.

Thank God this series is over.




**EDIT/CURRENTLY READING***

The bitch put it in there. The fucking comment about marriage is a bond between a woman and a man who love each other.

Let's begin the rant.

Dear Adornetto, marriage is not only about love. People marry for money, when they are pressured, and what about those drunk marriages like Britney Spears'? Exactly, I think I've proved my point.
Also, if two homosexuals love each other, who are you to judge them and condescend them for wanting to marry each other? You talk about God, but obviously you're quick to judge. You're not God.

Adornetto gives a bad name to Christians. She really does. She has spit on the face of angels. Since when did Raphael have swag? REALLY? Raphael is not some wanna be ghetto kid, okay?

Thank you ver FUCKING much. And really, angel sex? Also, why the fuck doesn't Bethany feel and pain when she's having sex for the first time? Honestly, Adornetto, if you're a virgin and you're going to write a sex scene, do it right and research. DUH, logic.

You write blasphemy, Adornetto.

And the cover is still as ugly as fuck.





Ahh, hell naw, I'm too sober fo' this

*Grabs a six pack of Sam Adams* That's better.

So, what do I think of this book?

The cover? Xavier has some nice titties...dayum, can I have them? *Takes a swig*

Bethany?

THE FUCK IS THAT? That looks NOTHING, and I mean, nothing like an angel. It's a....dinosaur? Nah, looks like wings over the sun, and look, they're making a heart over the evil sun.

*Takes another swig*

I'm an airship pirate, the only airship pirate....

I KNOW this book is going to be bad.


UPDATE... I decided to have a go at commenting the sypnosis of this book...remember, I'm 'A Goth Reads My Immortal'...yes, I came up with that commentary that was lovely, but short lived... LET'S COMMENT!


"Only sixteen when she started the series(I began writing my book when I was fourteen...I'm twenty and I still haven't finished writing my book) Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat(Really? No, no she doesn't), and this long-awaited conclusion is certain to be her most popular book yet. (Most popular to flame)

Bethany, an angel sent to Earth, and her mortal boyfriend, Xavier, have been to Hell and back(Hahahahahaha). But now their love will be put to its highest test yet(When Bethany discovers she's pregnant), as they defy Heavenly law and marry(Best angel EVER). They don’t tell Beth’s archangel siblings, Gabriel and Ivy, but the angels know soon enough, and punishment comes in a terrifying form: the Sevens(Who are loosely based on the seven deadly sins), who are rogue angels(RESEARCH, ADORNETTO) bent on keeping Beth and Xavier apart, destroying Gabriel and Ivy, and darkening angelic power in the heavens.(What was your first clue? Seven deadly sins?)

The only way Bethany and Xavier can elude the Sevens is to hide in the open, and blend in with other mortals their own age(Haven't they already been doing that?). Gabriel and Ivy set them up at college, where they can’t reveal their relationship, and where there is still danger around each corner. Will Bethany be called back to Heaven – forever – and face leaving the love of her life?(Yes, please)"

[Hydrogen Carbonate · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dear Alexandra Adornetto,



I'm currently in the middle of Hades and might I say NO book has pissed me off more than this one. Lordy Lucifer, Bethany got more stupid and annoying from the last. So, to counter balance all the 5 star reviews, I'm giving one star. Because even if you tack on gold at the end of two shits, you end up with more shit than gold.

[karla pérez cué · Rating 5 out of 5]

NO IM NOT LIKING THE NAME HEAVEN. THIS MEAN SHE WILL BE CALLED BACK I HOPE SHE GETS BACK AT THE END OF THE BOOK!

I THINK IM GETTING OBSES WITH THIS BOOK, WEIRD.

[Teresa]

Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat, and this long-awaited conclusion is certain to be her most popular book yet.

Okay, someone do me a favor and call Guiness, because that was the biggest, motherfucking bullshit I have ever had the misfortune to read!!!! I honestly believe my IQ dropped seventy points after reading that statement, because if Ally knows how teen hearts beat, then I'm Madonna. And I am so obviously not Madonna.

And by the way, the cover is just so perfect...absolutely perfect... Perfect to gun down!! My computer screen is about to be shot.

[Jasmin]

NOOOO DON'T MAKE HER GO BACK PLEEEAAASASEEEE!!!!!
:'( Xavier needs her!!!

[Nasty Lady MJ · Rating 1 out of 5]

To see full review click here: http://yalbookbriefs.blogspot.com/201...

Oh, dear lord. Let's just say I'm thankful that this is the last installment of this train wreck. I have lots to discuss and rant about so if you like positive and up beat reviews this is not the review for you.

I will say this though, this will be my first and last positive thing to say about this installment besides the fact that it's over. This was an improvement to Hades. But how could it not be? That being said, let's get down to business.

1. Bethany Church is still the most shallow and undeveloped character ever:

I'm not joking. There is no character development here. The character never really accepts the fact that she's a screw up and she still gets everything she wants. Not to mention she's a total self insert character for Adornetto. You know what, I really don't understand how anyone is suppose to identify with this character let alone like her. She is so self centered, so self involved it's ridiculous. In the first chapter of the book she kills a guy. Indirectly. But still she kills him and does she feel no remorse...no. Rather, she acts like this is all a big mistake on her part.


Look, she knew the consequences of marrying a human. It's been talked about time after time that her relationship with Xavier was dangerous. Why did she think marrying him was a good idea? It just doesn't make sense. In fact, in the human world if you indirectly caused the death of another in the course of another crime (and marrying a human is a crime in Bethany's world) you could potentially be charged with felony murder which in Texas at least could get you the death penalty. Furthermore, Father Mel isn't even the only person she kills or injures. Or for that matter there's that crappy ending where she doesn't think of her heavenly duty and....well, I just want to see her chatting with God when she dies. I bet that's going to be nice (evil laughs). Honestly, I really think this series would've been better had Bethany become a fallen angel and repented. Maybe came to realize that, hey, I'm not the only person that matters. And try to make due with her new realty with no help from her super powerful friends.


2. Adorentto has never heard of the term pacing:

This book pacing is whacked. The beginning takes place in a cabin. And although, the reader gets a sense that Bethie and Xavier were only in the cabin for a few days. They were there for months. Likewise, when they go to school. The reader only feels like they were there for a few days and months have really gone by (despite the fact that the first football game just happened when they left school, that just really doesn't make sense). This really would've been a pretty easy fix on Adornetto's part. Just have some transitions showing that time has passed and if she wouldn't have contradict herself every other page.



3. Adornetto has no idea of how college life is for the general masses:

Having attended college recently and attending law school right now, I can tell you that Adornetto does not give a realistic portrayal of how college in in the US. Which is weird considering the fact that she's a college student.

College, for of you who are ill informed, is not about partying or football. It's about getting your degree so that you can become a support yourself. Sure, sororities, parties, and football might play a role in campus life. But that isn't the reason one goes to college. Furthermore, mentioning that one is only there for a Mrs. Degree is stupid and archaic. Plus, most college students I know can't afford an interior decorator or Lexis.


4. When writing about abusive relationships. It is not wise to rely on Lifetime as your primary research source:

Abusive relationships are complex things. Dumbing them down, making them one dimensional, and essentially blaming the victim isn't going to make the storyline realistic or compelling. Furthermore, adding in a almost as stereotypical religious cult isn't going to help matters either. Or for that matter, not giving this subplot any proper resolution. The point is, if you're going to do a subplot involving serious subject matter like domestic violence, do your homework. And please for the love of love don't victim bash. I really do feel for the character, Molly, in this book. She gets the brunt of Adornetto's hate. She's always judged poorly just because...well, she's not Bethany. And her relationship with Gabriel is made trivial and condoned by Bethany when really, well, Bethany has just about as much to say about her relationship with Xavier.

5. When deciding to incorporate Christianity into your novel it might be wise to actually check Wikipedia so that you don't totally bastardize the religion:

Oh, deary me. The lack of research that went on here concerning the Christian religion is pretty bad. Even some things that are pretty simple, like Catholic marriage are mishandled. Fact, the Catholic Church requires anyone who wants to be married in the church to take a marriage class. Furthermore, it would've been impossible for these two dingbats to get married in the first place considering that most states require both parties to be there to get a valid marriage license. Grant it, there are some exceptions. But Bethie and Xavier meet none of those.


6. Being continuity is important. You can't change your mind halfway through the story and expect readers to go with it.

There were constant problems when it came to continuity with this book. It wasn't just that details in the past book were fluffed over, but details in this book were forgotten mere moments after being mentioned. For example, Gabriel loses his wings in this book and is supposedly Earth bond for several-hundreds of years-but he visits Bethany in heaven. Furthermore, there are irrelevant plot twists that have no purpose. Like, Xavier being a halfing (a.k.a. Captain Planet). The point is, with these little inconstancies and irrelevant plot twists the novel almost felt like a first draft rather than the final version.


7. Just because you tell us your characters are star-crossed lovers doesn't mean they are.

Xavier and Bethany are suppose to be soul mates. We are told this all the time. But quite honestly, I don't see it. While Bethany can go on about his bottomless blue eyes and nut colored hair that doesn't mean anything. It's their interactions that should show their love. And I guess, there's a sad attempt to do this when the two of them are stuck in a cabin together for months, but the dialogue comes off very forced. And quite honestly, I think Xavier got annoyed at Bethany. Case in point, the baby name scene.

8. Don't make your characters a supernatural creature unless they can actually do something.

I really don't know what the point was having Bethany be a supernatural creature. She doesn't do anything. Yes, she has wings and that makes her love to Xavier forbidden. But other than that, she does nothing. She can't even defend herself against the Sevens. While Xavier can because he's.....

9. Telling your readers that a character is manly doesn't make a character manly.

In the previous books Adornetto used excessive nut similes. In this installment she decided to do something different, making sure that the reader knows just how manly Xavier is. Um, no. That doesn't work. In fact, I often thought Adornetto did this to reassure her characters that Xavier was a man. Weird I know, considering he's a fictional character but....

Furthermore, what was with all of the evil male characters in this book being described as effeminate. Seriously? Manly men can be evil too, you know. And it also has me wondering....no, I'm not going to go there.

10. Excessive descriptions are not your friends.

The purple prose is horrid. I really wonder how Adornetto is fairing in school especially if she's a Creative Writing major. I remember that these sort of descriptions were frowned upon in workshop, i.e. descriptions that made no sense. For example, can you taste sunshine? I can't but there are several awful descriptions that state things about how people taste like sunshine. Also there are some weird similes and descriptions used during sex. Take it for what it's worth.

Best Feature: It's over. I really think this is it. She could quite possibly make another book, a companion to this turd of a book in Gabriel or Molly's POV but I doubt it since her self insert character wouldn't be the star of the show. Plus, Bethie and Xavier are living bland and happily ever after. Though I do wonder what will happen to Bethie after she....oh, who cares.

Worst Feature: I don't know? Really, I don't. The whole book is a train wreck. If I had to pinpoint the one thing that bothered me about this installment. I'd probably say the lack of continuity. Because it showed just how much disrespect Adornetto and Feiwel and Friends had for their readers. Look, I get that the publishing industry is a very time oriented industry. But would it really take that long to copy edit this book? I was merely skimming a good chunk of this one and I was able to pick up on numerous continuity mistakes. These sort of things shouldn't be happening. She has an entire team of people to back her and it's not like this is her first book to be published. Furthermore, a lot of the mistakes I saw were very easy to spot. There's really no excuse. None at all.

Appropriateness: Um, no. There is some cussing here, some violence, oh and there's even some sex. Weird sex. Not like Fifty Shades of Grey weird but really bad use of metaphors sex. Oh, and they don't use protection and claim they don't need to. Which really makes no sense to anyone who actually paid attention to sex ed. However, the worst thing about this book is the way it objectifies relationships, women, and people whose don't have WASP beliefs. Look, I get it. I was hoping that by this point in her writing career and life Adornetto would realize some things about the real world. However, three years is not enough for the girl to realize that: 1) Codependent relationships are not healthy, 2) A wife is not a man's responsibility when she gets married she's still an individual who is just in a relationship with another human being, and 3) Just because a person's beliefs are different than yours that doesn't mean they're going to hell.

[The Scarecrow · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat"

This is exactly why Rowling invented the Crucio curse. It's so I can spend recovery time imagining casting it at the cretins that allow this sort of drivel to be published.

*cracks knuckles*

Bring it, Adornetto.

[Zero vi Britannia]

At first, I was iffy about giving a low rating before the book came out. But then I saw that this has a 4.13 rating. Now I don't care.

Edit #1:
Bethany and Xavier finally do it! Of course, it's after they're married. And of course, it's perfect! Seriously, what is up with the whole virgin + virgin = perfect sex thing? And don't give that She's-an-angel crap!

[usagi ☆ミ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh wow. Okay, guys, just a warning: this one is all over the place. If anything, it wasn't really the neat, tied-up package I was hoping for, but it felt a little over-crammed full of sub-plots and dogma, not-so-subtle misogyny, endorsing the purity myth, and self-righteousness. Yet, oddly enough, it addresses some of the more confusing pieces of the Christian mythology (a lot of contradictory things that go on in Heaven itself, etc), which I liked a lot. I'll go more into all of this later, but I really don't know how to put my finger on this one as it just is kind of...messy. And anti-climactic. Nevertheless, it finishes off the series, so if you've been reading up until this point, you may as well finish it. While I can't say "Heaven" is one of the most amazing pieces of YA I've ever read (not even close), it was entertaining enough to pass the time.

Okay, so...yeah. In the vein of "Hush, Hush", "Fallen" (which I initially liked, before it all kind of went downhill) "Twilight", the level of co-dependency in the character relationships here (which is only kind of addressed once toward the end, and not even in a serious manner) is really, REALLY unhealthy. You get married, you haven't even known each other three years, and you literally believe that you can't live without each other. While in the technical area of things, this co-dependency between characters makes for great tension, I can't say there's a whole lot of character development as a result. Not until the last fifty pages of the book, and by then, I was just kind of too tired to care.

Now, let's talk about the purity myth. While it's still addressed here in the sense of slut shaming (Beth at college/frat parties/etc), it doesn't really do well to dispel the idea that a girl is worth more than her virginity or looks. In fact, the whole "Beth and Xavier at college" portion of the book reinforces it. It made me incredibly sad to read, and it's another area of the book giving YA the unhealthy message of how to measure one's self-worth. On misogyny - as it's pretty strongly connected to the purity myth/slut shaming going here, it's pretty strong in this book, with the most overt example of Molly and Wade's relationship - at least it's made clear that it's a very abusive one, both physically and mentally. But Molly can't get out of it on her own - she needs Gabriel to do it for her. I have a problem with that. Molly isn't strong enough to do it, she needs a man to do it for her. There's even Wade talking about how women are full of sin because of Eve. The author at least has our angels tell him he's wrong about that, but it's a bit too little, too late. The damage from the imagery is already done, the message delivered.

This book is kind of all over the place, as I said before, in terms of plots and sub-plots. Xavier and Beth are on the run for getting married, but the author also starts talking about the Seven and Beth's friend Zach, and a whole lot more Christian/angel mythology that just kind of got confusing. Plus, death and Lucifer make an appearance, which added to the confusion. Lucifer in Xavier's body did help with the tension and did help a bit with character development for Beth, and a bit for Gabriel, but not as much as it should have been considering where we are in the final book of this series. The only thing that was really well done here was the worldbuilding - we finally get a look at what Heaven looks like through the author's eyes, and it's done really well. But the rest? It's just kind of a mess that needed at least one or two more drafts in order to organize the sub-plots a bit better.

Overall, this book is messy, but it's entertaining. I wasn't bored, but I did roll my eyes quite a bit at the overuse of cliches that were rampant throughout the text. One or two more drafts/editorial passes were badly needed on the ARC I got, and hopefully by the time this hits stores, will get.

Final verdict? If you're still reading this series or if you're a fan, you may as well read "Heaven". The pace is fast and time will fly when you're reading it, and it's an entertaining summer read. But that's about all the good I can say for it. "Heaven" will be out August 28th from Feiwel & Friends/Macmillan in North America, so be sure to check it out then.

(posted to goodreads, shelfari, and birthofanewwitch.wordpress.com)

[Booknut 101 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love love. I like books about love. I like couples who are in love. But if 'Heaven' has taught me one thing...it is that there is such thing as too MUCH love!

I admit that yes, Beth and Xavier's relationship is cute. But in Heaven, it can be cute bordering on nausea. Xavier, however, is adorable and I can't hate him at all in this novel, where his spirit, drive and pure heart really come through, helping him overcome challenges with an elegance and ease that Beth seems to lack in 'Heaven'. If we're to be perfectly honest, in this book Xavier seems to be more angelic than Beth.

It really bugged me. In 'Halo' and 'Hades, Beth acts so much more mature - going about Earth with a wisdom beyond her 'years' and thinking things out, taking advice from Gabe and Ivy and being a patient, loving person. I liked that Beth. This new Beth seems to be on her period 24/7, because she has some serious angst/stress issues!! She takes out her stress on Gabe and Ivy who are JUST TRYING TO STOP HER FROM BEING KILLED, she wants to be with Xavier and gets cranky when things go downhill, she questions God's plan for her, she acts like a jealous girlfriend and also the bit with her in Heaven? She acted like she was two seconds away from being thrown in juvie. Serious. Attitude. Problemo. So much for the 'angel' part, Beth!

Another flaw was the mixed ( & numerous) plot lines.
Yep, the Seven are after her and Xavier 'cause they tied the knot. Plot 1.
Plot 2 - they go into hiding.
Plot 3 - Xavier gets possessed by LUCIFER. For no. Damn. Reason. At all. And the reasoning behind it is never explained and the whole things is blown out of proportion - what was the point of the plot it anyway? It lasted for, like, two chapters and then we never came back to it!! Plus the random appearance of Jake for 0.78 seconds. Wow. That was...such an anticlimax.
Plot 4 - Xavier isn't 100% human - he's part angel
Plot 5 - Bethany wants to be with him FOREVER so she needs to find a way to be with him on Earth
Plot 6 - Endless loving and eye-gazing

Confused? I know. ;)

But the parts where they explained the faith were good and well thought out. Gabe and Ivy develop more as characters (gosh, I love Gabe! *cower when I realise I'm sounding like Molly*) and some neat characters are introduced (LOVE RAPHAEL!!!). Though the plot can get a little sidetracked and though Beth can be a little clingy and whiny (Xavier has the patience of a SAINT for dealing with her - I would have socked her one!), overall it was a nice conclusion to the series, although personally I felt the two books before 'Heaven' showed more of Adornetto's story-writing magic.

[Justin · Rating 1 out of 5]

My experience with this novel has brought a few names to mind. Stephen King, Ray Bradbury, George Orwell; these are a few of the well known scribes who can step their old dead asses aside. There's a new fuckin' sheriff in town and I believe her name's Alexandra Adornetto. She wields words like swords and swords like delicious sticks of honey butter. Picture a diamond studded french fry dipped in ecstasy laced ketchup being fed to you by the sexiest set of siamese twins alive, while Morgan Freeman delivers a manifesto on how nice looking you are, and you may gather one tenth of a vague notion of how soul ticklingly delightful this hallowed tome truly is. Where I used to spend my evenings ravenously hunting seagulls from the depths of my hedge, I now feast on Adornetto's succulent prose, each taste more delicious than the last. With this review I call for a full on cerebral assault on anyone not willing to take the work of Alexandra Adornetto as the Ultimate truth. My afflicted brothers and sisters, We shall prevail.

[Jori]

I hope Beth gets to stay with Xavier! PLEASE ALEXANDRA! Don't make her go back, please! And don't you DARE make Xavier get killed, just so Beth can be with him forever! You CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! Make 'Our Father' understand their love... or something, let it work!

[James Tullos · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are like 9 storylines in this and they all suck.

[Kara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'll write a review of this once I've finished face-palming myself.

1.5 / 5 stars -

It's been a few days since I've finished, so hopefully I've recuperated enough to write a coherent review. This review might have some spoilers later on, but I'm not going to "hide entire review because of spoilers" because a) you probably shouldn't waste your time with this, and b) I've given you plenty of time to scroll away.

Let's start with Beth. Everyone seems to have their issues with her, but she only really started to piss me off this this novel. In the first and second book, Beth was almost endearing. She was sweet and ignorant and that was just part of her character. I couldn't say that I exactly liked her, but I tolerated her. But in this book? Hmm. She did grow some more courage, and her character grew, but I don't mean that in a good way. I get it -- she was fighting for what she wanted, but when it comes at the expense of so much ...? She just seemed selfish to me. She never thought through her actions to decide how many people it would hurt, or kill. By the end of the novel I wanted to grab her shoulders and just shake some damn sense into her.

Xavier ... Well, all I'm going to say about him is he was a much more interesting character when he was being possessed by Lucifer. This whole "twist" at the end of him having angel blood or whatever it was just made me laugh from the ridiculousness of it all. Not to mention its predictably. Surely no normal man would want to be with Beth and not want to rip their hair out in irritation.

The novel, as a whole, wasn't too bad. But the more that I think about it the more flaws I'm seeing. Maybe this is just my opinion, though.

For example, those two people in Hell that she couldn't save (I can't remember their names). Beth kept going on and on about them in the novel, and I was almost expecting some grand mission to save them from Hell in the end. And yet, nothing happened. Beth, like always, was too focused on herself and her relationship with Xavier.

The ending was rushed. I felt as though there were too many strings left untied, like Molly and Gabriel for example. There wasn't a satisfying conclusion as to what happened to them. The ending was solely focused on Beth and Xavier. Like always.

I could go on forever about this, but my hands are tired from typing.

Overall thoughts: I've always loved the way that these books have been written, even though parts of it dragged, but the plot and the characters just weren't there.

[Chelsie Hinds · Rating 1 out of 5]

Hopefully, in this last book, God will finally tear open the heavens and smite these two idiots.

[Gigi]

The stages of 'Heaven by Alexandra Adornetto is actually going to exist and already has been rated five stars because it has suceeded in creating a cult like hive mind that preys on tweenagers who were in the prime of their life but were taking too young' grief:


Realisation that this wasn't a joke, it is actually being published:



Denial:


Brief Acceptance:



Violent Rage:


A second phase of realisation where you realise that shitty, stupid, preachy, hate fuelled books will continue to be published and that you cannot do anything to stop it because people will continue to appreciate these "books"


Final acceptance where you decide read the book and write an intellecutal review that addresses the fundamental issues with the book, in a orderly and comprehensible fasion...or to get really drunk, read the book and see what happens

[Chelsea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m incredibly relieved to be done with this series. I don’t regret reading it, because I actually think this series is a symbol of how far YA, which is a relatively new concept, has come since starting out.

This book is just as ridiculous as the rest. A few things are resolved well, but most of this book is even more eye-roll worthy than the others. How could it not be with a heroine as ridiculous as Beth?

Let’s highlight some of the best parts; Beth marries Xavier and accidentally gets a priest killed and feels no remorse whatsoever. Beth and Xavier watch disney movies. Beth and Xavier talk about what to name their kids (Billie for a girl is ruled out because it might cause the child to be “gender confused”). Beth and Xavier constantly talk about sex and it’s really cringe. Beth and Xavier go to college and pretend to be siblings! Bethany engages in girl-on-girl hate with a girl named Mary Ellen.

You can see why I don’t like this series.

Like I said, I’m happy to be finished with these books. I will attempt to never think of them again. Possibly could be one of those books where you read it for the lolz, but I don’t recommend trying that. Definitely never reading anything else by this author. Onto better books!

[ஐ฿υκєτஐ · Rating 1 out of 5]

Okurken harcadığım zamana acıdım resmen.Şu bethany salağına melek demeye bin şahit ister.Ergenliğin dibine vuran ilk melektir kesin. Millet kıçını yırttı şu kızı kurtarcam diye ergen meleğimizin tek derdi aman xavierciğime bir şey olmasın.

[Gab Mattos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finalmente terminei.

Alerta: dei alguns spoilers, risos.

Recomendo a trilogia, mas antes de lerem, sempre tomem calmante

Foi muito difícil prosseguir com essa trilogia lendo na visão da Bethany.
eu a odeio.
Ela tem umas atitudes, principalmente infantis, que não consigo engolir, ainda mais vindo da parte de um anjo, que deveria ser sábio.
É uma trilogia muito boa, tem uma história maravilhosa, mas o que a enfraquece é a protagonista.
Eu fiquei bem confusa em algumas partes referente aos Sete: uma hora queriam o Xavier e na outra, a Beth... ???
Esses últimos capítulos foram bem vagos e partes da história deixaram várias dúvidas: Por que caralhos o Wade agia daquela forma?
O que aconteceu com a Ivy que não estava em casa?
Como o Gabriel se saiu depois de ter perdido as asas, na parte em que a Beth estava no Céu? Ele ficou com a Molly?

Acho que deveria ter um extra complementando a história, porque não existia apenas a Beth e o Xavier.
Nesse último livro, O Gabriel teve mais presença nos capítulos, nada mais justo dar uma explicação da visão dele nesse momento final.

Para mim, os únicos sensatos eram a Ivy e o Gabriel, que deveriam ter mais participações e não aparecem apenas quando a Bethany precisa ser salva. Entretanto, como o Gabriel teve mais presença, ele é meu personagem preferido.

Achei meio precipitado o romance da Beth com o Xavier, mas super apoio eles.

É isto.

[Project August · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok so right now I'm halfway through the book.

And I have no fucking idea how this THING managed to win awards.

The protagonist is naive, the plot is flawed, they're all way too self-righteous and indulgently irritating, the language is slow and everything about it just makes me feel goddamn annoyed. The only thing that made me continue to read it in the first two novels was Jake but now he's gone and I don't know what happened.

The characters are also so FCKINg unrealistic! You would think Lucifer, a.k.a. hades/the devil/ *cough* would be darker since he's meant to represent the epitome of EVERYTHING EVIL but really he just seems soft ESPECIALLY that part when he gets mad at Bethany when she tells him that he really just yearns to be loved or some shit like that. Really author? Couldn't think of something less generic than that? CRINGE.

And I can't help but feel as if its a bit too binary here. I know the author didn't mean to but really? BLACK REPRESENTS BAD AND WHITE REPRESENTS GOOD????? BLACK REPRESENTS DEVILS AND WHITE REPRESENTS ANGELS??? SERIOUSLY????

And everything is split between good and bad like THERE ARE NO INBETWEENS. YOU ARE EITHER A GOOD PERSON OR A BAD PERSON. GOSH ITS SO NAIVE AND IT PISSES THE HELL OUT OF ME.

AND THE PROTAGONIST, OH GAWD, I DON'T EVEN WANNA GO THERE.

SHE IS THE MOST NAIVE AND STUPID PROTAGONIST I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

A WHOLE HORDE OF GIRLS LIKE XAVIER CUZ HE'S HAWT AND SHE SPENDS HALF THE TIME SILENTLY BITCHING ABOUT THEM IN HER HEAD.
EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING STEREOTYPICAL AND GENERIC.
SO APPARENTLY THEY REPRESENT THE TYPICAL GIRLS IN COLLEGE WHO ARE PRETTY AND BLONDE AND GO AFTER GUYS EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE KINDA DUMB.

I had such high expectations for this series. I honestly did. I have no idea how it got above 4 stars and how it got so much praise from authors so obviously better. I have no idea how it managed to win an award that it truly doesn't deserve. But even now, after enduring the naiveness and idiocy of the first two books, they just get worse and worse and WORSE.

half of it left to read.....or should I say, half of HELL left to read.


*****


I'M AT THE END OF THE BOOK
I'M AT THE END OF THE WHOLE FVCKING SERIES
AND ITS TERRIBLE
ITS CUTE AND ALL
BUT ITS STILL TERRIBLE.
ITS STILL TERRIBLE.
I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THOUGHTS ARE GOING THROUGH MY MIND RIGHT NOW I JUST FEEL SO FREAKING DISAPPOINTED.

WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE WAR WITH DEMONS????
HOW IS THE SEVENS CONFLICT GONNA BE FIXED???

THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS HATCHED IN THE STORY BUT ONLY ONE OF THEM IS RESOLVED IN THE END!!!!!!

UGH IM SO MAD.
I CAN'T EVEN - UGHHHHH

ALSO THEIR REUNION
IS
SO
FREAKING
UNDERDRAMATIC (is that even a word?)

THEY SO CASUAL.
WHY ARE THEY SO CASUAL?
THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND THEIR REUNION AFTER TWO FREAKING YEARS IN TWO FREAKING DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS IS SO CASUAL WHAT?!

I SACRIFICED MY COACHING TREACHER'S ANGER AND NOT FINISHING MY HOMEWORK FOR THE ENDING (I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE GOOD) BUT THIS IS WHAT I GET?.

I RATE THIS BOOK ONE STAR.
ONLY.
ONE.
STAR.
:(

[Carrie Kaut · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dear publisher, editor on chief, creative director, assistants, and anyone else involved in making this book... SHAME ON YOU!
1. The plot? Instead of 416 pages this could of been 150 and been halfway decent
2. I'm sorry what did you major in? Cause apparently it wasn't English or basic grammar... You need to check your mistakes there are about a million per page... And finally
3. Did you read the book?? Seriously did you??? Please refer to page 407, 5th paragraph " He was BAREFOOT, dressed in sweatpants and a loose fitting white t-shirt." I don't even want to enter how pointless that sentence was but now please read the following pages 408-409 very last sentence... " I took a few unsteady steps behind him before Xavier swept me into his arms and kicked the front door shut with his BOOT." NOW please NOW look and tell me how you have missed this seriously?! It never said anything of him putting shoes on to walk down the path etc. that's all I have to say to you... I promise to make sure never to purchase anything from your company again...

Now for you adornetto for the love I god please don't write anything else.. Seriously you took what could of been a good concept and raped it than stabbed it and left it for the rats to chew on in the gutter... Seriously I'm Christian but even if I wasn't you were making a mockery of everything!!! Satan is big daddy? Seriously .. I actually feel bad for the devil right now specifically for that reason... And an underground angel club in heaven that god apparently doesn't know about? When you have said REPEATEDLY through the whole series God knows all!!! than how in the world would he not know about this?? Moving on
Angels I'm not an angel expert but to say they protect us BUT they don't know emotion is crazy they are the embodiment of love they would have to be in order to want to protect humans rather than just accept it because it was an order..the whole thing was just a mockery not just about the angels but God and the devil the entire load of crap you wrote was an insult... Especially to m intelligence and that of anyone over the age of 4 considering the main characters were the weakest characters you could of ever created besides weak they were annoying.. No attachment what so ever.... Ugh

[Ava]

Only sixteen when she started the series, Ally Adornetto knows how teen hearts beat, and this long-awaited conclusion is certain to be her most popular book yet.



Well, we should all know how our hearts beat, literally, right?

Now, if you're talking about figuratively, which is different, obviously...

No.

Our hearts do not beat for hypocritical, slut-shaming, ridiculous books like the HALO series. And you do not know how to make them.