Have you ever started eating something, and the first bite you think 'NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN THIS GOOD.' and you immediately eat like, a pound of it, and then, at some point as you're shoveling, you think to yourself 'I may have made a terrible mistake,' but you're already a pound in, so you might as well finish the next pound, and then afterward you feel sick, and vaguely confused by the whole ordeal, and then you're not even sure if that first bite really was so great, like you have to retroactively re-evaluate the worth of that bite because of how upsetting all the other bites were.
That's what this was like to read, and, I'm pretty sure, what it was like to write. It starts off with such ambition! Such wonderment! Such adventurous spirit! Answers and meaning seem completely lost, but Lewis-Kraus will find them! Yes! He will find them, and he will take Tom Bissell (it keeps getting better!!!)! And it is exciting and wonderful... for awhile. The problem, I think, is that he started to run out of things to say. I imagine he thought there would be much more to say, or much more to illuminate, but what he found was much that was already sort of lit and a lot of things he didn't really feel like talking about. Which happens.
I would like to point out that the Camino de Santiago sections ARE amazing. They really are. Tom and Gideon's relationship is astounding, and it is the sort that makes you longingly ache for something so comical and farcical in your own life. But the problem is this sets itself up as a bit more than just a travelogue. This sets itself up to answer and fix so many of Lewis-Kraus' problems (and boy does he have some). The beginning reads out like the start of a film, and we bound into it with all the enthusiasm of a popcorn munching soda swilling audience, but by the end of it, I feel what I imagine Lewis-Kraus - Okay, that's it. I'm not writing that anymore. Heretofore he is Gideon and we pretend he and I are intimate like that - Anyway, I'm pretty sure GIDEON was just as sick and confused as I was. In fact, I think the reason I felt that way was because he felt that way.
The Camino de Santiago was supposed to have answers, but it had none. It was supposed to have a purpose, or provide one, but it didn't. What it did have was pain, and, as the book points out at one point - that was the purpose. No one enjoys it, Gideon is told at one point - and it's hard not to feel as crestfallen as he is. The mystical journey has no other reward than a pat on the back from yourself, certainly not anyone else. No one cares. Tom (yeah, we're close too) doesn't seem especially surprised by this either. He simply gets to the end, looks at his broken feet, and seems to transmit in waves of honest, heart-felt feeling, 'fuck this place forever,' and he leaves, not exactly angry at Gideon, but seemingly fed up with all of the idiot pilgrims that somehow made him come.
After that, Gideon goes on a tour de force of pilgrimages and self-discovery, but what he discovers is the same unsatisfying truth all of us probably already know - fixing your problems isn't as easy as beating yourself up until life takes pity. There's a reason self-flagellation fell out of fashion.
He seems to also continue to make the same mistake so many of us do. He perpetually falls in love with women he shouldn't, makes mistakes with them he shouldn't, and pines for them in ways which are all too familiar and he definitely shouldn't. None of his journeys really help with that, and, unfortunately, after the Camino de Santiago, I think we knew, because Gideon knew, that the rest of this journey was really a farce. It was trying desperately to turn the water into wine and knowing deep inside that it simply wasn't going to happen.
I don't want to get started, by the way, on how abysmally depressing the temple pilgrimage (whose name I have clearly forgotten) was. Lord have mercy. At least the Camino had other human beings, and wasn't on the side of a highway. If anything killed my spirit of journey and pilgrimage, it was reading about Gideon hiking a lonely, desolate course through rural Japan and eating at depressing village gas stations. I don't know how either of us made it through the ordeal.
I think somewhere along the way, Gideon lost his desire, or lacked the material, to write everything about the Camino, and when he lost that, he lost the book. The book was about his preparation and then exploration of THAT. THAT was a journey with his friend. THAT was a journey I wanted to follow. THAT was filled with other exciting characters. But it passed in a far too quickly moving blur, and all the things I wanted more of, Tom's snarky comments and bitching, Gideon's late night banter with other pilgrims, fell to the side, and I was left with a book unfinished, and a tale that sort of rambled on like a descent into inebriation.
It pains me to say I didn't like it a great deal, because I like him a great deal and because he is a talented writer (talking about Gideon here, keep up), but the truth is that this should have been about only the Camino. I mean, non-fiction has to stop somewhere. We can't just keep following the writer as he eventually admits 'and now I have nothing else to talk about except this huge shit I just took.'
... and now I don't know how to end this.
Why don't we just save both of us the pain and I'll end it now, yeah?
Yeah.