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Junction X
Set in the very English suburbia of 1962 where everyone has tidy front gardens and lace curtains, Junction X is the story of Edward Johnson, who ostensibly has the perfect A beautiful house, a great job, an attractive wife and two well-mannered children. The trouble is he’s been lying to himself all of his life. And first love, when it does come, hits him and hits him hard. Who is the object of his passion? The teenaged son of the new neighbours.
Edward’s world is about to go to hell.
"Both a haunting tale of sexual obsession and a stunning portrait of an ordinary man caught up in the throes of an illicit love and teetering on the brink of self-destruction, told with pinpoint psychological insight and mouth-watering prose, this is a splendid example of the storyteller's art, reminiscent of James Baldwin."
- Victor J. Banis, author of The Man from C.A.M.P.
Edward’s world is about to go to hell.
"Both a haunting tale of sexual obsession and a stunning portrait of an ordinary man caught up in the throes of an illicit love and teetering on the brink of self-destruction, told with pinpoint psychological insight and mouth-watering prose, this is a splendid example of the storyteller's art, reminiscent of James Baldwin."
- Victor J. Banis, author of The Man from C.A.M.P.
195 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 25, 2011
8 people are currently reading
1397 people want to read
About the author
Erastes
33 books292 followersBorn in Essex, England in 1959, Erastes attended Southend High School for Girls.
Erastes is the penname of a female author who lives in Norfolk, UK. She drew her inspiration to write historical fiction from works such as Gaywyck by Vincent Virga and the novels of Mary Renault. Erastes was the Director of the Erotic Authors Association for two years and is an active member of the Historical Novel Society. She is the moderator of Speak Its Name, an influential blog dedicated to gay historical fiction.
Erastes has been writing since 2003, and details of all her books and short stories can be found on her website.
Her second novel, "Transgressions," was one of the flagship releases by Running Press in their M/M Historical Romance line which is being marketed directly at the existing romance market and was shortlisted for a Lambda award in 2010.
Her releases for 2011 are:
Mere Mortals - Lethe Press in April
Muffled Drum - Carina Press in July
Junction X - Cheyenne Press in November
Erastes is represented by The Schiavone Literary Agency, Inc.
Bibilography
Novels/Novellas
Mere Mortals - to be published by Lethe Press in March 2011
Muffled Drum - to be published by Carina Press in July 2011
Tributary - published in Last Gasp by Noble Romance Publishing (novella)
Transgressions - published by Perseus Books (novel)
Frost Fair - published by Cheyenne Publishing(novella)
Hard & Fast - published in "Speak Its Name" by Cheyenne Publishing (novella)
Chiaroscuro - published in "Night Moves" by Aspen Mountain Press December 2007 (novella)
Standish - published by PD Publishing November 2006 (novel)
Short Stories
Right Hand Man - published in Unmasked II, more erotic tales of gay superheroes by STARbooks.
Whatever the Risk - published in the Queer Dimensions anthology by Queered Fiction
The Snow Queen - published in the I DO anthology by MLR Press
If you can't stand the Heat - to be published by Cleis press
Drug Colours - published by Lethe Press in "Best Gay Short Stories"
Show Don't Tell - published in MEN Magazine March 2008
Fire & Ice - published by Cleis Press in their Erotic Alphabet series "J is for Jealousy"
Lifeline - published in Alyson Book's "Cruising" anthology
Drug Colours - published in Cleis Press's "Where the Boys are: Urban Gay Migrations" Anthology
Ribinks - published by The Drabbler
The Bird - published in Alyson's "Fast Balls" Baseball Anthology
Matelotage - published in Alyson's "Treasure Trails" Pirate Anthology
Lucky - published in "Love in a Lock up" by Starbooks
In the Dark - published in "Ultimate Gay Erotica 2007" by Alyson Books
Ten Kisses - published in "Connections" by Iris Print
My Best Customer - published in "Travelrotica" by Alyson Books
Petard - published by Clean Sheets
His Story Teller - runner up in Torquere Press' "Do it yourself" competition
Bright Souls - published by Alyson Books in Ultimate Gay Erotica 2005
Sin of the Tongue - published by Torquere Press
Lifeline - published by Torquere Press
Bright Souls published by Torquere Press
Erastes is the penname of a female author who lives in Norfolk, UK. She drew her inspiration to write historical fiction from works such as Gaywyck by Vincent Virga and the novels of Mary Renault. Erastes was the Director of the Erotic Authors Association for two years and is an active member of the Historical Novel Society. She is the moderator of Speak Its Name, an influential blog dedicated to gay historical fiction.
Erastes has been writing since 2003, and details of all her books and short stories can be found on her website.
Her second novel, "Transgressions," was one of the flagship releases by Running Press in their M/M Historical Romance line which is being marketed directly at the existing romance market and was shortlisted for a Lambda award in 2010.
Her releases for 2011 are:
Mere Mortals - Lethe Press in April
Muffled Drum - Carina Press in July
Junction X - Cheyenne Press in November
Erastes is represented by The Schiavone Literary Agency, Inc.
Bibilography
Novels/Novellas
Mere Mortals - to be published by Lethe Press in March 2011
Muffled Drum - to be published by Carina Press in July 2011
Tributary - published in Last Gasp by Noble Romance Publishing (novella)
Transgressions - published by Perseus Books (novel)
Frost Fair - published by Cheyenne Publishing(novella)
Hard & Fast - published in "Speak Its Name" by Cheyenne Publishing (novella)
Chiaroscuro - published in "Night Moves" by Aspen Mountain Press December 2007 (novella)
Standish - published by PD Publishing November 2006 (novel)
Short Stories
Right Hand Man - published in Unmasked II, more erotic tales of gay superheroes by STARbooks.
Whatever the Risk - published in the Queer Dimensions anthology by Queered Fiction
The Snow Queen - published in the I DO anthology by MLR Press
If you can't stand the Heat - to be published by Cleis press
Drug Colours - published by Lethe Press in "Best Gay Short Stories"
Show Don't Tell - published in MEN Magazine March 2008
Fire & Ice - published by Cleis Press in their Erotic Alphabet series "J is for Jealousy"
Lifeline - published in Alyson Book's "Cruising" anthology
Drug Colours - published in Cleis Press's "Where the Boys are: Urban Gay Migrations" Anthology
Ribinks - published by The Drabbler
The Bird - published in Alyson's "Fast Balls" Baseball Anthology
Matelotage - published in Alyson's "Treasure Trails" Pirate Anthology
Lucky - published in "Love in a Lock up" by Starbooks
In the Dark - published in "Ultimate Gay Erotica 2007" by Alyson Books
Ten Kisses - published in "Connections" by Iris Print
My Best Customer - published in "Travelrotica" by Alyson Books
Petard - published by Clean Sheets
His Story Teller - runner up in Torquere Press' "Do it yourself" competition
Bright Souls - published by Alyson Books in Ultimate Gay Erotica 2005
Sin of the Tongue - published by Torquere Press
Lifeline - published by Torquere Press
Bright Souls published by Torquere Press
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 118 reviews
August 8, 2016
If I could give this more stars I would.This book touched me so much.Definitely one of my top reads....
RE READ AUGUST 2016.....I enjoyed it even more.
This book is simply brilliant.My emotions are all over the place after finishing this and it's only one of a handful of books I cried at...I was simply stunned.
This is a story of obsession but also a deep love in an era which would never tolerate such a thing.
Ed has the seemingly perfect life.A home in a sort after area on the outskirts of London....something most people aspire to.
Along with that he has a well paid,respectable job,a beautiful and charming wife and the all important ( in that society ) 2 children.
Set in England in the 1960's it's one of the most moving stories I've read.
So,to the outside world,Ed has the perfect life but behind closed doors things are different.He's expected to love his wife and while,I think,he had affection for her something was definitely missing from his life.....temptation is about to be put in his way in the form of his new neighbours son Alex....
This is definitely a taboo subject....
Ed is 33 and Alex is 17 and even in today's more liberal society I suspect this would be frowned upon,so imagine the situation about 50 years ago.
The writing is just stunning.It's written like a kind of dairy with Ed putting into words the whole story and trying to explain his feelings.
I finished this about 2 days ago and the story is still on my mind.
One of the best,most moving books I've read....
RE READ AUGUST 2016.....I enjoyed it even more.
This book is simply brilliant.My emotions are all over the place after finishing this and it's only one of a handful of books I cried at...I was simply stunned.
This is a story of obsession but also a deep love in an era which would never tolerate such a thing.
Ed has the seemingly perfect life.A home in a sort after area on the outskirts of London....something most people aspire to.
Along with that he has a well paid,respectable job,a beautiful and charming wife and the all important ( in that society ) 2 children.
Set in England in the 1960's it's one of the most moving stories I've read.
So,to the outside world,Ed has the perfect life but behind closed doors things are different.He's expected to love his wife and while,I think,he had affection for her something was definitely missing from his life.....temptation is about to be put in his way in the form of his new neighbours son Alex....
This is definitely a taboo subject....
Ed is 33 and Alex is 17 and even in today's more liberal society I suspect this would be frowned upon,so imagine the situation about 50 years ago.
The writing is just stunning.It's written like a kind of dairy with Ed putting into words the whole story and trying to explain his feelings.
I finished this about 2 days ago and the story is still on my mind.
One of the best,most moving books I've read....
February 27, 2019
3.5 stars
This book left me a little angry, sad and puzzled after reading it. I believe maybe, if i read it 2 or 3 years ago the results would have been different.
First of all, the writing is beautiful, i fell in love with it from the beginning. My problem was i didn't connect with our narrator from the get go and by the end of the book i really didn't know him. The same goes for the other characters too. At the end of it all, i did shed a tear, because damn! sad is sad. Books like this really make me appreciate the discussions we get to have after reading. Thank you my friends.
The story is taboo and i love the kind, what i felt between Ed and Alex was lust and obsession not love.
The writing got my attention, i will be checking out more.
Thanks so much my lovely Vir for this gift
This book left me a little angry, sad and puzzled after reading it. I believe maybe, if i read it 2 or 3 years ago the results would have been different.
First of all, the writing is beautiful, i fell in love with it from the beginning. My problem was i didn't connect with our narrator from the get go and by the end of the book i really didn't know him. The same goes for the other characters too. At the end of it all, i did shed a tear, because damn! sad is sad. Books like this really make me appreciate the discussions we get to have after reading. Thank you my friends.
The story is taboo and i love the kind, what i felt between Ed and Alex was lust and obsession not love.
The writing got my attention, i will be checking out more.
Thanks so much my lovely Vir for this gift
August 16, 2014
brutally honest, and very, very brave.
for some gay men of a certain generation, this book will feel like a hug from a friend who understands.
some things are inevitable. sometimes, you only need to exist to deserve your fate.
this book could not have ended any other way.
it hurt, but it was true, and small niggles did not detract from the grim satisfaction of a reading experience alive with authenticity, and compassion, and even despair.
a remarkable novel, and one i recommend.
for some gay men of a certain generation, this book will feel like a hug from a friend who understands.
some things are inevitable. sometimes, you only need to exist to deserve your fate.
this book could not have ended any other way.
it hurt, but it was true, and small niggles did not detract from the grim satisfaction of a reading experience alive with authenticity, and compassion, and even despair.
a remarkable novel, and one i recommend.
April 12, 2017
Genre: MM Historical Fiction
Type: Standalone
POV: First Person - Male
Rating:
Edward (Ed) Johnson lived a seemingly perfect life in the 60s. With a good job as a stockbroker, beautiful wife and good twin kids, he didn't know he needed something else until it was presented to him in the form of his new neighbor's teenage boy.
Alex Charles was a shy but smart teenager with a bright future. His particular hobby brought him closer to the family next door. But when that connection started to become something more they took a risk that could easily ruined both of their lives.
I have only read a handful of MM books because I am particular with the content. I want angst, grit and soul searching story. Thankfully, this book met the criteria.
Ed's life had been nothing than a facade. He was content with playing his part until it wasn't enough anymore. I felt both pity and angry with him when it came to his life before and when Alex entered his life. But despite everything, I understood where he came from.
Alex was initially portrayed a certain way. I was surprised but glad his character quickly showed a different side. I could feel the dilemma he faced being on the other side.
I love taboo stories and this book is definitely that in more than one way. That was part of the thrill that added to my enjoyment of the story. But most importantly, I like the morality aspect of it.
Initially I was a little confused with the writing. Then I figured it out, it was written like a journal. It felt like reading someone’s private sordid secret and it helped me to feel the narrator and the story. The sex wasn’t overly explicit, but enough to established the scenes.
Junction X follows the lives of two individuals trapped in a secret life. It would appeal to readers who love MM stories with heavier content.
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
Type: Standalone
POV: First Person - Male
Rating:
Edward (Ed) Johnson lived a seemingly perfect life in the 60s. With a good job as a stockbroker, beautiful wife and good twin kids, he didn't know he needed something else until it was presented to him in the form of his new neighbor's teenage boy.
Alex Charles was a shy but smart teenager with a bright future. His particular hobby brought him closer to the family next door. But when that connection started to become something more they took a risk that could easily ruined both of their lives.
I have only read a handful of MM books because I am particular with the content. I want angst, grit and soul searching story. Thankfully, this book met the criteria.
I wasn’t having a relationship with another man; it was laughable. I looked on it as a series of ‘episodes,’ and I called it that in my head. I refused to call it…what it was.
Ed's life had been nothing than a facade. He was content with playing his part until it wasn't enough anymore. I felt both pity and angry with him when it came to his life before and when Alex entered his life. But despite everything, I understood where he came from.
I loved his exuberance, his passion for life. Nothing, for Alex, was impossible. He made me feel invulnerable, and far more special than I am.
Alex was initially portrayed a certain way. I was surprised but glad his character quickly showed a different side. I could feel the dilemma he faced being on the other side.
I was in my own garage, with my children and my wife on the other side of flimsy wooden doors, and I pulled that young man into my arms and I kissed him as if it was our last moment together instead of our first.
I love taboo stories and this book is definitely that in more than one way. That was part of the thrill that added to my enjoyment of the story. But most importantly, I like the morality aspect of it.
Initially I was a little confused with the writing. Then I figured it out, it was written like a journal. It felt like reading someone’s private sordid secret and it helped me to feel the narrator and the story. The sex wasn’t overly explicit, but enough to established the scenes.
Small lies seem nothing—, and big lies—even the biggest—are no harder. They shrink with time and with repetition.
Junction X follows the lives of two individuals trapped in a secret life. It would appeal to readers who love MM stories with heavier content.
For more reviews/reveals/giveaways visit:
January 1, 2015
5++ Amazing Stars!
Wow. I'm trying to digest this book in an attempt to write a review somewhat worthy of how strongly it affected me.
Edward is a 33-year old man living the life. Great job, great wife, two beautiful children, living in a quiet suburb of London. But all things aren't as they appear.
Edward's world is just sort of gray...until the new neighbors move in...including their 17-year old son Alec. His life irrevocably changes that day.
**************
This is a book about a man who falls in love with a "boy." It's taboo, I guess, but it's a tragic love story too.
Staged in the 1960s in England, it highlights the tranquil life of the average family. Everything is polite, polished...a farce.
I've never read anything by this author but I must say, the writing is impeccable...almost poetic, a prose of sorts. It's written as if you're reading Edward's diary. He's recounting to the reader, telling us the story of he and Alex.
I thought I was going into a book about some twisted obsession with an innocent teen boy. Nope. Not it at all. And I got so much more. I don't feel Edward is a monster, yet ...I don't know totally how I feel.
I'd HIGHLY recommend this story for those looking for something different, something deep, that'll make you question where you stand morally, ethically where love is involved. Who are we to judge? If it's mutual love, is it wrong?
But the ending...
This is not erotica. It's not dark. Its not light... It's emotionally heavy. It's MM but the scenes aren't graphically drawn out. Just tastefully done on every level.
This will be a book I won't soon forget...
***I was given a copy of this from a friend. I've been told it's no longer available in ebook and the paperback costs.....wait for it...up to $2400 for a used copy. When a friend posted that picture from AMZ, I about croaked. It's good but not that good. Don't believe me? Here's the proof...
March 20, 2019
Maybe not quite 4 full stars for reasons I'll explain, but I'm rounding up because it had some serious strengths. The narrative was brutal and beautiful, but without being purple prosey. When I finished it a couple of days ago, I was torn on my final feelings about it (beyond
damn that writing tho
). But now I've spent some time processing and discussing it, so I'll try for an actual review.
Junction X's story arc was dark and taboo, and the plot execution was on point. What fell short for me was the character development. It's hard to go into this without spoilers, but there was a particular twist that made sense for the story, but it felt hard to buy because of the lack of characterization leading up to it.
Junction X was one of those that easily had 5-star possibilities, which makes the shortcomings chafe a bit. It had the potential to destroy me, and I hold it against it that it didn't. Having said that, it was definitely worth the read, and I liked it a lot, even loved it at times. Erastes' writing kept me engaged with every line, and I will no doubt be exploring others in her catalogue.
Elation is a bubble that lasts for tiny tiny moments but leaves something of its memory in scents and sounds so that later, when you need that boost, you can close your eyes and remember happiness.
Junction X's story arc was dark and taboo, and the plot execution was on point. What fell short for me was the character development. It's hard to go into this without spoilers, but there was a particular twist that made sense for the story, but it felt hard to buy because of the lack of characterization leading up to it.
Junction X was one of those that easily had 5-star possibilities, which makes the shortcomings chafe a bit. It had the potential to destroy me, and I hold it against it that it didn't. Having said that, it was definitely worth the read, and I liked it a lot, even loved it at times. Erastes' writing kept me engaged with every line, and I will no doubt be exploring others in her catalogue.
September 6, 2017
This book is something else... you need to be in the mood though as it's not an easy read but boy was it worth it!
May 15, 2013
I read it finally. I inhaled it, devoured it, gobbled it up...
I’ve almost spent more time writing and rewriting this review than reading the book, so here it is before I pop a vessel!
It hurts, guys. From different angles. It is indescribably sad, yet it’s all about happiness. Unexpected, larger than life, bursting out of the page happiness. Tainted by lies, guilt and fears, too. Fleeting and ever-changing.
Junction X is a piece of ambivalent humanity with its ability to love, fear and hurt, its fragility, its cowardice, its moments of trembling, worshipping sensuality and sordid little arrangements. It is uncomfortably honest and uncompromising in portraying a man awakening for the first time to love, sexuality, himself, in awe of the gift that he’s been given yet overwhelmed by it, unprepared for it.
It is a very brave, very well written piece of work, swallowing lovers, families and friends in a downward spiral, picturing a time, a place and a way of life that is as much to blame as flawed people and it could be anytime, anywhere, anyone, really.
What’s left when the tears are dried and the snot is wiped?
Quiet grumbles (nothing’s perfect, right?!), resentment and compassion, questions and thoughts, no regret and two quotes :
”How much do we know about other people?”
”Elation is a bubble that lasts for tiny tiny moments but leaves something of its memory in scents and sounds, so that later, when you need the boost, you can close your eyes and remember.”
I’ve almost spent more time writing and rewriting this review than reading the book, so here it is before I pop a vessel!
It hurts, guys. From different angles. It is indescribably sad, yet it’s all about happiness. Unexpected, larger than life, bursting out of the page happiness. Tainted by lies, guilt and fears, too. Fleeting and ever-changing.
Junction X is a piece of ambivalent humanity with its ability to love, fear and hurt, its fragility, its cowardice, its moments of trembling, worshipping sensuality and sordid little arrangements. It is uncomfortably honest and uncompromising in portraying a man awakening for the first time to love, sexuality, himself, in awe of the gift that he’s been given yet overwhelmed by it, unprepared for it.
It is a very brave, very well written piece of work, swallowing lovers, families and friends in a downward spiral, picturing a time, a place and a way of life that is as much to blame as flawed people and it could be anytime, anywhere, anyone, really.
What’s left when the tears are dried and the snot is wiped?
Quiet grumbles (nothing’s perfect, right?!), resentment and compassion, questions and thoughts, no regret and two quotes :
”How much do we know about other people?”
”Elation is a bubble that lasts for tiny tiny moments but leaves something of its memory in scents and sounds, so that later, when you need the boost, you can close your eyes and remember.”
November 1, 2015
Like asking a drowning man to let go of a life-line
"Let go"
"Let go"
"Please let go"
"Can't I'm drowning."
"We're all going to drown, let go"
"No...................."
"No.............................."
What hurts one, hurts us all.
It hurt to see all the hurts our world is full of. A desperate tale of forbidden love.
27 Oct 2015 with Maya (totally necessary reading this with you).
August 13, 2013
The swinging 60s in the UK? - The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Pirate Radio, Mary Quant, bell-bottoms, The Avengers, Alfred Hitchcock, hippies, Twiggy, Afros; all sounds familiar, right?
Gay in the 60s in the UK? – illegal, sexual deviant, arrest, imprisonment, behavioural therapy, aversion therapy, electric shock treatment, blackmail, hormone treatment, running scared, living a lie; still sounds familiar?
Junction X is set in 1962 in the UK and if you were gay that was your future, or you made sure you just didn’t get caught. Eddie is married to Valerie and outwardly they are the typical, 60s suburban family with two kids. Inwardly their sex-life is practically non-existent and when it does happen it’s a thing to be got over with rather than enjoyed and celebrated. This was the fate of many gay men at this time locked into loveless marriages out of fear of the alternatives. Being socially conditioned into believing that they were perverse in some way by harbouring feelings for other men. This was a time that if you weren't married by a certain age then people would start asking the awkward questions and start talking behind your back.
"Looking back at what I thought was nothing more than a mild deception, I see that I was attempting to be the man she wanted me to be....attempting to fit someone else’s mould, even back then. I suppose it’s because people don’t look for aberration where there is an established routine."
Ed and Valerie's former neighbours Claire and Phil have moved away and new neighbours arrive. Eddie Discovers his latent gay tendencies due to Phil who is a little bit of a sexual opportunist in my opinion. They basically use each other for sexual favours that they obviously can't get from their wives, but Phil is obviously the one that can separate the one from the other, much easier than Ed.
When the new neighbours arrive with their seventeen year old son Alex then Ed's world is thrown for a loop and he finds himself slipping deeper into a world full of lies and deceit in order to keep the happy family pretense going at least outwardly and covering up his affair with Alex.
"For there wasn’t a day after this when I wasn’t lying to someone. Perhaps because it was I’d stopped lying to myself".
There is definitely no HEA to the end of this story, it's a bittersweet and slightly melancholic tale of a love with no possible future. True to the times of what being gay, even if the word existed in its present form then, meant in 1962. An attraction and affair that can only be doomed before it starts. No gay man at this time would have been left with any other choice and that's what makes this story even more tragic. Although Alex was only seventeen at the time and a few months away from his 18th birthday, in 1962 it was a no go anyway, despite the age.
The writing is beautifully done and you feel the internal struggle going on in Ed, fighting with his feelings of emotion and attraction against his social conditioning of knowing that this is not allowed and would never be accepted. Love will out and eventually it does, but Alex plays a key role in winning Ed over with his exuberance and confidence. I thought this was interesting seeing Alex, although younger, was the one who was more open, sure of himself and knew exactly what he wanted after recognising what he saw in Ed was just not his imagination.
There were a couple of things where I thought whether or not this could really have been. Could a seventeen year old in 1962 really be so forward, sexually self-assure, possibly a virgin, but knowing more exactly what he wants than a 33 year old man? But the narrative art of the story kept these questions at bay, making Alex and Ed totally believable as characters. I loved the way Phil and Ed called their quickies "episodes." It made it seem all so detached and purely physical as it probably was, at least for Phil anyway. They would very often have an episode in a compartment on the train commuting to work. However, I did find myself asking about the risk of being caught, it's something I wouldn't really consider attempting today, let alone in 1962 on a busy commuter train; old style trains with compartments or not. I couldn't really imagine that they could be that alone and take that risk. However, no risk, no fun!
Valerie, Ed's wife, also plays a central role in this story, trapped in a marriage that is less from satisfying it must have been just as bitter and disappointing for her too. She may come across as someone who is cold and unaffectionate, but then she has a husband who can't really love her like she really should be loved. Rough deal if you ask me.
This book can only be described as a touching, intricate and beautiful story. Deftly written using Ed as the narrator. You read Ed's innermost thoughts, feel his longing and suffer his anguish, being able to sense the excruciating internal conflict in him up to the very end where there is only one way out.
"Elation is a bubble that lasts for tiny tiny moments but leaves something of its memory in scents and sounds so that later, when you need that boost, you can close your eyes and remember happiness."
The Sexual Offences Bill passed its Third Reading in the House of Commons on 4th of July 1967. It received the Royal Assent on 21st of July 1967. Thus lifting the illegality of gay sex between consenting males. This left me sad thinking about how different it could have been for these two guys were they in the here and now. Although this work is fiction how many men must have gone through a similar ordeal in those times. This book has left me reflecting how lucky we are today and how much more still needs to be done throughout the world in raising awareness. Oh, and have the tissues ready for the end of the book, you might need them.
Gay in the 60s in the UK? – illegal, sexual deviant, arrest, imprisonment, behavioural therapy, aversion therapy, electric shock treatment, blackmail, hormone treatment, running scared, living a lie; still sounds familiar?
Junction X is set in 1962 in the UK and if you were gay that was your future, or you made sure you just didn’t get caught. Eddie is married to Valerie and outwardly they are the typical, 60s suburban family with two kids. Inwardly their sex-life is practically non-existent and when it does happen it’s a thing to be got over with rather than enjoyed and celebrated. This was the fate of many gay men at this time locked into loveless marriages out of fear of the alternatives. Being socially conditioned into believing that they were perverse in some way by harbouring feelings for other men. This was a time that if you weren't married by a certain age then people would start asking the awkward questions and start talking behind your back.
"Looking back at what I thought was nothing more than a mild deception, I see that I was attempting to be the man she wanted me to be....attempting to fit someone else’s mould, even back then. I suppose it’s because people don’t look for aberration where there is an established routine."
Ed and Valerie's former neighbours Claire and Phil have moved away and new neighbours arrive. Eddie Discovers his latent gay tendencies due to Phil who is a little bit of a sexual opportunist in my opinion. They basically use each other for sexual favours that they obviously can't get from their wives, but Phil is obviously the one that can separate the one from the other, much easier than Ed.
When the new neighbours arrive with their seventeen year old son Alex then Ed's world is thrown for a loop and he finds himself slipping deeper into a world full of lies and deceit in order to keep the happy family pretense going at least outwardly and covering up his affair with Alex.
"For there wasn’t a day after this when I wasn’t lying to someone. Perhaps because it was I’d stopped lying to myself".
There is definitely no HEA to the end of this story, it's a bittersweet and slightly melancholic tale of a love with no possible future. True to the times of what being gay, even if the word existed in its present form then, meant in 1962. An attraction and affair that can only be doomed before it starts. No gay man at this time would have been left with any other choice and that's what makes this story even more tragic. Although Alex was only seventeen at the time and a few months away from his 18th birthday, in 1962 it was a no go anyway, despite the age.
The writing is beautifully done and you feel the internal struggle going on in Ed, fighting with his feelings of emotion and attraction against his social conditioning of knowing that this is not allowed and would never be accepted. Love will out and eventually it does, but Alex plays a key role in winning Ed over with his exuberance and confidence. I thought this was interesting seeing Alex, although younger, was the one who was more open, sure of himself and knew exactly what he wanted after recognising what he saw in Ed was just not his imagination.
There were a couple of things where I thought whether or not this could really have been. Could a seventeen year old in 1962 really be so forward, sexually self-assure, possibly a virgin, but knowing more exactly what he wants than a 33 year old man? But the narrative art of the story kept these questions at bay, making Alex and Ed totally believable as characters. I loved the way Phil and Ed called their quickies "episodes." It made it seem all so detached and purely physical as it probably was, at least for Phil anyway. They would very often have an episode in a compartment on the train commuting to work. However, I did find myself asking about the risk of being caught, it's something I wouldn't really consider attempting today, let alone in 1962 on a busy commuter train; old style trains with compartments or not. I couldn't really imagine that they could be that alone and take that risk. However, no risk, no fun!
Valerie, Ed's wife, also plays a central role in this story, trapped in a marriage that is less from satisfying it must have been just as bitter and disappointing for her too. She may come across as someone who is cold and unaffectionate, but then she has a husband who can't really love her like she really should be loved. Rough deal if you ask me.
This book can only be described as a touching, intricate and beautiful story. Deftly written using Ed as the narrator. You read Ed's innermost thoughts, feel his longing and suffer his anguish, being able to sense the excruciating internal conflict in him up to the very end where there is only one way out.
"Elation is a bubble that lasts for tiny tiny moments but leaves something of its memory in scents and sounds so that later, when you need that boost, you can close your eyes and remember happiness."
The Sexual Offences Bill passed its Third Reading in the House of Commons on 4th of July 1967. It received the Royal Assent on 21st of July 1967. Thus lifting the illegality of gay sex between consenting males. This left me sad thinking about how different it could have been for these two guys were they in the here and now. Although this work is fiction how many men must have gone through a similar ordeal in those times. This book has left me reflecting how lucky we are today and how much more still needs to be done throughout the world in raising awareness. Oh, and have the tissues ready for the end of the book, you might need them.
January 24, 2018
Me ha encantado. Está muy bien escrito y la autora sabe comunicar muy bien los sentimientos del protagonista, con quien es fácil identificarse en algunos momentos.
Me hubiera gustado ver más a Alex aunque entiendo que, como oscuro objeto de deseo de Edward que es, se ha querido mantener cierto aura de misterio a su alrededor.
Más que de su romance, el libro trata sobre la obsesión de Edward y el conflicto que ésta le ocasiona, no obstante, la autora nos regala con algunas escenas realmente tiernas y emotivas. Voy a buscar más libros de ella.
Me hubiera gustado ver más a Alex aunque entiendo que, como oscuro objeto de deseo de Edward que es, se ha querido mantener cierto aura de misterio a su alrededor.
Más que de su romance, el libro trata sobre la obsesión de Edward y el conflicto que ésta le ocasiona, no obstante, la autora nos regala con algunas escenas realmente tiernas y emotivas. Voy a buscar más libros de ella.
November 22, 2017
~ 5 solid heartbreaking stars... ~
I was shocked !
In 1962, even until today. Has anyone ever think that cheating in the name of love is right?
In Edward's world, cheating from his wife with Phil and finally Alex, was just episode, not until he broke everybody's life by his unstable personality.
Not to mention, this young boy's life (he was 17 years old) and he had a bright future.,
But yet again, this story is closed to a reality.
Very well written, and I have to admit, it's eye opener.
I still don't have any idea how to put my feelings into words after I finished this depressing, sad, broken, but yet hooked me until the end.
Maybe I'm just going to let you read it yourself.
Just a words of advice from a depressing me, don't expect any happy ending. Maybe, it had to ended 'that way' for the best.
Maybe I'm just going to....
Goodbye, my friends.
There is a stillness that happens after love. Not the hushed quiet of the deep breaths which slow in time, but a moment of perfect silence when both hearts stop and then a new breath is taken which leads to clothes and reality. The trick is to delay it.
There was no embarrassment. Well, to be honest, there was a little on my part. I had, after all, just sodomised a teenager, muttered his name into his neck as I spent myself within him.
I was shocked !
In 1962, even until today. Has anyone ever think that cheating in the name of love is right?
When he zipped himself back up, he was just my friend, and I think, even with the tide of pleasure ebbing away from me, I knew that this wasn’t what I wanted, but that didn’t help. I didn’t know what I wanted, only that it was something more than this.
In Edward's world, cheating from his wife with Phil and finally Alex, was just episode, not until he broke everybody's life by his unstable personality.
And I remember holding that glass close to me on that first night as if this secret—my secret—were captive in the glass and would be easy to keep. Yes—it was wrong and I just didn’t care.
Not to mention, this young boy's life (he was 17 years old) and he had a bright future.,
But yet again, this story is closed to a reality.
Very well written, and I have to admit, it's eye opener.
I was in my own garage, with my children and my wife on the other side of flimsy wooden doors, and I pulled that young man into my arms and I kissed him as if it was our last moment together instead of our first. Oh God.
"Yes. I’ve wanted to touch you, to feel your skin under my palms, to put my fingers into your hair, to touch your mouth and see your eyes close when I…"
I still don't have any idea how to put my feelings into words after I finished this depressing, sad, broken, but yet hooked me until the end.
Maybe I'm just going to let you read it yourself.
Just a words of advice from a depressing me, don't expect any happy ending. Maybe, it had to ended 'that way' for the best.
Maybe I'm just going to....
Goodbye, my friends.
April 10, 2022
I first read this book about 10 years ago and I have been meaning to reread it ever since, but some sense memory of how painful it was the first time held me back. Anyway, I was in a masochistic mood this weekend and decided it was time. It was just as devastating as the first time. It's an incredible piece of fiction - not as romance (because I will never, not ever, be okay with adults and teenagers sleeping together) but as a tragedy. It's really a kind of warning fable about the dangers of obsession and the catastrophic effects it can have on a life. I'm going to be thinking about this again for a long time.
*ORIGINAL REVIEW*
I almost wish I'd never read this book. Almost. But then I'd have missed the bittersweet ache of it; the agonizing, beautiful prose filled with foreshadowing and heavy with regret. It's the kind of book where, even at the start you know, you just fucking know that it cannot end well. These types of things never do. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting when I bought it, but I was thrown for a loop by the intensity of it and finished it in virtually one sitting. It tells the story of Edward and Alex, a doomed romance, if you will, as Alex is a teenager and Edward a married man. It's all done with such painful compassion that I feel a bit battered by it. It's beautiful and brutal and atmospheric and melancholy. Please read it.
*ORIGINAL REVIEW*
I almost wish I'd never read this book. Almost. But then I'd have missed the bittersweet ache of it; the agonizing, beautiful prose filled with foreshadowing and heavy with regret. It's the kind of book where, even at the start you know, you just fucking know that it cannot end well. These types of things never do. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting when I bought it, but I was thrown for a loop by the intensity of it and finished it in virtually one sitting. It tells the story of Edward and Alex, a doomed romance, if you will, as Alex is a teenager and Edward a married man. It's all done with such painful compassion that I feel a bit battered by it. It's beautiful and brutal and atmospheric and melancholy. Please read it.
January 22, 2020
Special thanks to my dearest friend, Judith. <3 Thank you so, so much for this book!
My chest hurts right now but still I won't forget this book for a long time... :-/
Ps.
Please read her beautiful review...
Judith's Book Review
February 14, 2013
I'm pretty fucking depressed right now and really not in the mood to write a review. I'll just say that:
a. this was so good I read it in two days - 50 pages yesterday and the rest today. I was literally glued to it.
b. I was born in the 90s in Italy, where men should be machos and wives should make a baby a year - quite a different culture from the one we're dealing with here, so don't trust what I'm saying, but I felt as if this were exactly the claustrophobic atmosphere of England in the 60s.
c. The characters were so flawed they strayed into asshole territory, but never once did I stop feeling for them.
d. This book broke my heart. Smashed it completely - but I wasn't quite as invested as I thought I would be, what with expecting seriously hardcore emotional sobbing at the end of it. Mind you though, it came this close to making me cry, and I'm really not an emotional person (meaning: I have a heart made of ice).
For a more articulate/complete/well written and generally better review, try Jenre's or M's. I couldn't figure out how to put a link here to save my life... sorry.
a. this was so good I read it in two days - 50 pages yesterday and the rest today. I was literally glued to it.
b. I was born in the 90s in Italy, where men should be machos and wives should make a baby a year - quite a different culture from the one we're dealing with here, so don't trust what I'm saying, but I felt as if this were exactly the claustrophobic atmosphere of England in the 60s.
c. The characters were so flawed they strayed into asshole territory, but never once did I stop feeling for them.
d. This book broke my heart. Smashed it completely - but I wasn't quite as invested as I thought I would be, what with expecting seriously hardcore emotional sobbing at the end of it. Mind you though, it came this close to making me cry, and I'm really not an emotional person (meaning: I have a heart made of ice).
For a more articulate/complete/well written and generally better review, try Jenre's or M's. I couldn't figure out how to put a link here to save my life... sorry.
October 25, 2020
All the stars in the universe.
Oh my fucking god. I am devastated. I am crushed. I’m heartbroken and currently sobbing hysterically. I am incredibly envious of what they had im turning green. This book will always stay with me. Im going to buy this book in paper and just hold it in my sleep and take it everywhere i went. I don’t think i can draw much comfort from this book but maybe this once I’ll be the one doing the comforting; i know it’s a book and hardly needs nor cares about my frivolous comfort but i love books and I’m sure you’ll understand. I can never read it again—its too painful but I’ll always carry it with me and in me..i feel like I’ve just learned a lesson i can never unlearn, i don’t know what the fuck this lesson is it just IS. It’s there, beyond my reach, out of hearing range and out of sight.
Oh my fucking god. I am devastated. I am crushed. I’m heartbroken and currently sobbing hysterically. I am incredibly envious of what they had im turning green. This book will always stay with me. Im going to buy this book in paper and just hold it in my sleep and take it everywhere i went. I don’t think i can draw much comfort from this book but maybe this once I’ll be the one doing the comforting; i know it’s a book and hardly needs nor cares about my frivolous comfort but i love books and I’m sure you’ll understand. I can never read it again—its too painful but I’ll always carry it with me and in me..i feel like I’ve just learned a lesson i can never unlearn, i don’t know what the fuck this lesson is it just IS. It’s there, beyond my reach, out of hearing range and out of sight.
April 26, 2017
Somewhat, each book I read leaves its mark on me. Well, good books certainly do. As a reader, every once in a while, I come across a book which moves me completely, shatters my world and may even change me in a way. To me, 'Junction X' is one such book. It is the kind of book which makes me think about life with the secrets behind the suits, life without all bells and whistles, and it is a book I will not forget soon, maybe ever. It's a controversial story, but I will not do justice to the good or the bad, because it's true to life book.
This is 1962 and Edward Johnson, 33, is a British family man. He has a beautiful wife, twins, friends, nice house and respect. The most people looking at him would only see the man with the pretty good—if not perfect—life. All most people would see is the stockbroker with shiny shoes. They would never guess the dark secrets behind the earnest expression: his strictly for pleasure sex relationship with Phil, a former neighbor and long-time male friend; a troubled marriage from the beginning- 'there were no fireworks when we kissed, no music played when we touched, no invisible orchestra chased us when we walked back from dances.'.
Everything changes when Ed meets and gets to know the new neighbors' seventeen-year-old son, Alexander (Alex). They begin to bond over his huge set-up of model trains- an acceptable reason for a middle-aged man to spend time with a teenage boy.
This isn’t really a story of his sexual conquests.
'There was nothing keeping that door shut but my feelings for Alex. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? It wasn’t about being queer, it wasn’t about wanting men. Phil could not have imprisoned me in that way. But Alex held me like a vice.'
This is Ed's memoir-like record of the reality that they share, hidden away from the lies they turn into themselves in the world. This story has a lot of elements I dislike . Lying, cheating, an underaged MC. And yet I loved the story. I couldn't put it down. I get sad endings if they're fitting. I thought about it and I'm convinced that this story could not have ended any other way.
Not a book to read if you want to be uplifted, but for a well-crafted story of the inevitability of a doomed love - yes!
This is 1962 and Edward Johnson, 33, is a British family man. He has a beautiful wife, twins, friends, nice house and respect. The most people looking at him would only see the man with the pretty good—if not perfect—life. All most people would see is the stockbroker with shiny shoes. They would never guess the dark secrets behind the earnest expression: his strictly for pleasure sex relationship with Phil, a former neighbor and long-time male friend; a troubled marriage from the beginning- 'there were no fireworks when we kissed, no music played when we touched, no invisible orchestra chased us when we walked back from dances.'.
Everything changes when Ed meets and gets to know the new neighbors' seventeen-year-old son, Alexander (Alex). They begin to bond over his huge set-up of model trains- an acceptable reason for a middle-aged man to spend time with a teenage boy.
This isn’t really a story of his sexual conquests.
'There was nothing keeping that door shut but my feelings for Alex. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? It wasn’t about being queer, it wasn’t about wanting men. Phil could not have imprisoned me in that way. But Alex held me like a vice.'
This is Ed's memoir-like record of the reality that they share, hidden away from the lies they turn into themselves in the world. This story has a lot of elements I dislike . Lying, cheating, an underaged MC. And yet I loved the story. I couldn't put it down. I get sad endings if they're fitting. I thought about it and I'm convinced that this story could not have ended any other way.
Not a book to read if you want to be uplifted, but for a well-crafted story of the inevitability of a doomed love - yes!
November 30, 2014
Stunningly beautiful and I am devastated. Utterly, utterly devastated by this book. I knew I would be. I also know I can't write a review to adequately describe how I feel. But if you like to be affected deeply by stories all I can say is READ THIS.
Read
September 7, 2012By far my favourite of Erastes' work - I'm so glad it found a good publisher and a good cover.
Want to read
May 7, 2013I'm not so sure anymore. Hopefully Ilhem saves the day...;p
April 22, 2015
4.5 stars
Karena ini genre-nya tragedi, aku sudah tahu kalau ini akhirnya bakal sedih dan sudah menyiapkan diri. Tapi tetap saja tanggul air mataku jebol saat melihat akhir cinta mereka.
Sesungguhnya sampai sekitar 70-85% ini aku merasa ceritanya hanya layak mendapat 4 stars, tapi karena ending-nya begitu, jadinya kubulatkan jadi 5 stars deh.
Edward yang berusia 33 tahun ini jatuh cinta pada Alex yang berusia 17 tahun, anak tunggal tetangga sebelah rumah yang baru pindah. Edward sudah punya istri yang cantik dan dua anak dari hasil pernikahan mereka, tapi ia sebenarnya adalah gay yang berusaha menjadi apa yang dituntut pada setiap pria straight yaitu dengan menikahi wanita, yang tidak dicintainya.
Ed ini kasus closeted gay yang tidak pernah coming out pada siapa pun, apalagi tampaknya menjadi gay pada tahun 1962 lebih berat cobaannya dibandingkan sekarang, biarpun menurutku sebenarnya itu tergantung lingkungannya, jika masih close-minded orang-orangnya, maka tetaplah tidak ada bedanya, masih tetap berat cobaannya.
Ed tidak pernah mencoba mendekati pria ataupun tidur dengan pria. Well, di jaman itu gay berusaha jadi straight, kecuali temannya Phil, yang tidak puas dengan kehidupan seks dengan istrinya yang tidak bersedia melakukan blow job dan akhirnya Phil pula yang memulai sesi blow job dengan Ed, dan mereka sama sekali tidak pernah melakukan lebih dari itu. Bagi Phil dan Ed, itu hanya sekedar dessert yang tidak mereka dapatkan dari pasangan mereka. Tidak ada cinta sama sekali di antara mereka, biarpun Ed sempat berharap lebih awalnya, namun pada akhirnya ia yakin bahwa itu hanya sekedar nafsu yang tak terpuaskan. Aku sebenarnya tidak suka dengan Phil yang menganggap Ed sebagai toilet atau mesin pemerah susu pribadinya. Ed menganggap Phil sebagai teman baiknya. Teman baik macam apa yang lama tak bersua tapi saat bertemu itu malah langsung memaksamu melakukan BJ? Bah. Dan 4 stars pada awalnya itu juga karena aku bosan saat Phil menguasai 4-5 chapter pertama. Sudah ingin langsung terjun ke interaksi Ed dengan Alex. Tapi bagian Phil memang penting sih, untuk menekankan pada pembaca bahwa apa yang dirasakan Ed terhadap Phil dan dengan Alex itu berbeda. Ed yang menjadi narator kisah ini, ia menceritakan ulang semuanya dari awal. Jadi terkadang Ed bicara dengan pembaca juga.
Saat Ed bertemu Alex, ia tidak langsung jatuh cinta pada pandangan pertama walaupun sebenarnya menurutku tetaplah terasa superficial, karena mendadak pada suatu hari saat sinar matahari menimpa wajah Alex, ia tiba-tiba merasa Alex begitu menawan dan Ed jadi seperti remaja yang pertama kali jatuh cinta, ia tidak pernah merasakan seperti apa jatuh cinta itu sebelumnya. Ini pula bagian yang membuatku sempat menurunkan bintang jadi 3.5 saja karena aku sampai sekarang tidak tahu apakah kualitas kepribadian Alex juga membuatnya jatuh cinta?
Sesungguhnya, Alex yang memulai affair mereka, dan Edward pada awalnya takut dan ragu dengan konsekuensinya. Berpacaran dengan remaja itu beresiko dipenjara, walaupun consensual (saling berbalas), walaupun saling mencintai.
Jaman sekarang juga kalau usianya beda jauh begitu bisa dicap pedofil atau lolicon oleh masyarakat. Padahal arti sesungguhnya dari pedofil dan lolicon itu adalah orang yang bernafsu melihat fisik anak kecil (tungkai yang kecil dan imut contohnya) yang belum puber dan belum dewasa pokoknya, dan dia bakal hilang selera saat anak itu mulai dewasa. Seperti dalam kisah Lolita. Itulah pedofil sejati menurutku, dan itulah kenapa aku memberi 1 star untuk buku itu, karena si pedofil jelas-jelas tertarik pada paha mungil Lolita dan hilang selera pada Lolita saat Lolita dewasa.
Aku tidak menganggap Ed ini pedofil karena Alex itu sudah dewasa, biarpun ada yang menganggap 17 tahun itu masih anak kecil. Alex sudah melewati usia puber, sudah mengenal cinta dan ketertarikan pada orang lain, sudah siap untuk menjalin hubungan cinta, sudah bisa memutuskan dan merancang masa depannya.
Tapi pada tahun 1962 itu, baik 17 atau 18 tahun usianya Alex, Ed tetap dianggap pedofil. Padahal kalau ditilik dari banyak kasus sebenarnya banyak tuh age gap yang belasan tahun. Misalkan yang selisih 12 tahun dan yang wanitanya menikah pada usia 22 dengan suami berusia 34 tahun, apakah suaminya disebut pedofil? Bisa jadi mereka sudah pacaran sejak wanitanya berusia 18 tahun. So, if the love mutuals, age shouldn't matter, right? If it's consensual and she's okay with it, we outsiders have no right to say anything or even complaint about it and it's not our business to begin with.
Aku sebenarnya rada mixed feeling sama Edward ini. Bukan karena dia jatuh cinta pada remaja, tapi karena dia berselingkuh. Tema infidelity memang salah satu tema yang tidak kusuka, dan dalam buku ini, aku tidak suka melihat Ed menduakan Alex dan Valerie, istri Ed.
Val bukan tipe istri yang jahat atau pantas dibenci, bahkan aku simpati padanya karena sudah menikah dengan Ed, padahal dia bisa mendapatkan yang lebih baik dari itu, dan yang terutama adalah dia sudah dibohongi Ed sedari masa pacaran. Ed tidak pernah mencintainya sebagai belahan jiwa, tapi kurasa dia mencintainya sebagai anggota keluarga sebagaimana Ed mencintai kedua anaknya.
Aku juga sedih melihat Alex yang rela diduakan saking cintanya pada Ed. Saat Val mulai curiga dan pertemuan rahasia Ed dengan Alex mulai rutin, dan melihat Ed yang tidak sanggup memilih salah satu itu membuatku merasa muak sekaligus bisa memahami kegalauan hatinya.
Pilih Alex = bahaya, sebuah skandal besar, masa depan Alex dan Ed hancur, Ed dipenjara. Jika kawin lari, Ed akan diburu pemerintah karena dianggap telah menculik dan memerkosa Alex. Pilih Val, maka ia harus hidup dalam kebohongan seumur hidupnya, tanpa Alex, hidupnya tak bermakna.
Dan menurutku jika ia tetap memaksakan dirinya bersama Val, tidak akan ada HEA di antara mereka berdua, mau bagaimanapun mereka berusaha. Yang ada semuanya terluka parah, termasuk Alex. Lalu, pada akhirnya yang dipilih Ed juga bukanlah jawaban terbaik. Hiks.
Aku tidak suka dengan ending-nya. Sama sekali tidak suka. Kisah cinta yang menyedihkan. Pesan moral : jangan menikahi orang yang tak kamu cintai, hanya karena tuntutan usia, tuntutan lingkungan, tuntutan orangtua, tuntutan situasi, dll. Menikahlah dengan orang itu karena kamu mencintainya dan tak bisa membayangkan seperti apa hidup ini tanpa dirinya.
Karena ini genre-nya tragedi, aku sudah tahu kalau ini akhirnya bakal sedih dan sudah menyiapkan diri. Tapi tetap saja tanggul air mataku jebol saat melihat akhir cinta mereka.
Sesungguhnya sampai sekitar 70-85% ini aku merasa ceritanya hanya layak mendapat 4 stars, tapi karena ending-nya begitu, jadinya kubulatkan jadi 5 stars deh.
Edward yang berusia 33 tahun ini jatuh cinta pada Alex yang berusia 17 tahun, anak tunggal tetangga sebelah rumah yang baru pindah. Edward sudah punya istri yang cantik dan dua anak dari hasil pernikahan mereka, tapi ia sebenarnya adalah gay yang berusaha menjadi apa yang dituntut pada setiap pria straight yaitu dengan menikahi wanita, yang tidak dicintainya.
Ed ini kasus closeted gay yang tidak pernah coming out pada siapa pun, apalagi tampaknya menjadi gay pada tahun 1962 lebih berat cobaannya dibandingkan sekarang, biarpun menurutku sebenarnya itu tergantung lingkungannya, jika masih close-minded orang-orangnya, maka tetaplah tidak ada bedanya, masih tetap berat cobaannya.
Ed tidak pernah mencoba mendekati pria ataupun tidur dengan pria. Well, di jaman itu gay berusaha jadi straight, kecuali temannya Phil, yang tidak puas dengan kehidupan seks dengan istrinya yang tidak bersedia melakukan blow job dan akhirnya Phil pula yang memulai sesi blow job dengan Ed, dan mereka sama sekali tidak pernah melakukan lebih dari itu. Bagi Phil dan Ed, itu hanya sekedar dessert yang tidak mereka dapatkan dari pasangan mereka. Tidak ada cinta sama sekali di antara mereka, biarpun Ed sempat berharap lebih awalnya, namun pada akhirnya ia yakin bahwa itu hanya sekedar nafsu yang tak terpuaskan. Aku sebenarnya tidak suka dengan Phil yang menganggap Ed sebagai toilet atau mesin pemerah susu pribadinya. Ed menganggap Phil sebagai teman baiknya. Teman baik macam apa yang lama tak bersua tapi saat bertemu itu malah langsung memaksamu melakukan BJ? Bah. Dan 4 stars pada awalnya itu juga karena aku bosan saat Phil menguasai 4-5 chapter pertama. Sudah ingin langsung terjun ke interaksi Ed dengan Alex. Tapi bagian Phil memang penting sih, untuk menekankan pada pembaca bahwa apa yang dirasakan Ed terhadap Phil dan dengan Alex itu berbeda. Ed yang menjadi narator kisah ini, ia menceritakan ulang semuanya dari awal. Jadi terkadang Ed bicara dengan pembaca juga.
Saat Ed bertemu Alex, ia tidak langsung jatuh cinta pada pandangan pertama walaupun sebenarnya menurutku tetaplah terasa superficial, karena mendadak pada suatu hari saat sinar matahari menimpa wajah Alex, ia tiba-tiba merasa Alex begitu menawan dan Ed jadi seperti remaja yang pertama kali jatuh cinta, ia tidak pernah merasakan seperti apa jatuh cinta itu sebelumnya. Ini pula bagian yang membuatku sempat menurunkan bintang jadi 3.5 saja karena aku sampai sekarang tidak tahu apakah kualitas kepribadian Alex juga membuatnya jatuh cinta?
Sesungguhnya, Alex yang memulai affair mereka, dan Edward pada awalnya takut dan ragu dengan konsekuensinya. Berpacaran dengan remaja itu beresiko dipenjara, walaupun consensual (saling berbalas), walaupun saling mencintai.
Jaman sekarang juga kalau usianya beda jauh begitu bisa dicap pedofil atau lolicon oleh masyarakat. Padahal arti sesungguhnya dari pedofil dan lolicon itu adalah orang yang bernafsu melihat fisik anak kecil (tungkai yang kecil dan imut contohnya) yang belum puber dan belum dewasa pokoknya, dan dia bakal hilang selera saat anak itu mulai dewasa. Seperti dalam kisah Lolita. Itulah pedofil sejati menurutku, dan itulah kenapa aku memberi 1 star untuk buku itu, karena si pedofil jelas-jelas tertarik pada paha mungil Lolita dan hilang selera pada Lolita saat Lolita dewasa.
Aku tidak menganggap Ed ini pedofil karena Alex itu sudah dewasa, biarpun ada yang menganggap 17 tahun itu masih anak kecil. Alex sudah melewati usia puber, sudah mengenal cinta dan ketertarikan pada orang lain, sudah siap untuk menjalin hubungan cinta, sudah bisa memutuskan dan merancang masa depannya.
Tapi pada tahun 1962 itu, baik 17 atau 18 tahun usianya Alex, Ed tetap dianggap pedofil. Padahal kalau ditilik dari banyak kasus sebenarnya banyak tuh age gap yang belasan tahun. Misalkan yang selisih 12 tahun dan yang wanitanya menikah pada usia 22 dengan suami berusia 34 tahun, apakah suaminya disebut pedofil? Bisa jadi mereka sudah pacaran sejak wanitanya berusia 18 tahun. So, if the love mutuals, age shouldn't matter, right? If it's consensual and she's okay with it, we outsiders have no right to say anything or even complaint about it and it's not our business to begin with.
Aku sebenarnya rada mixed feeling sama Edward ini. Bukan karena dia jatuh cinta pada remaja, tapi karena dia berselingkuh. Tema infidelity memang salah satu tema yang tidak kusuka, dan dalam buku ini, aku tidak suka melihat Ed menduakan Alex dan Valerie, istri Ed.
Val bukan tipe istri yang jahat atau pantas dibenci, bahkan aku simpati padanya karena sudah menikah dengan Ed, padahal dia bisa mendapatkan yang lebih baik dari itu, dan yang terutama adalah dia sudah dibohongi Ed sedari masa pacaran. Ed tidak pernah mencintainya sebagai belahan jiwa, tapi kurasa dia mencintainya sebagai anggota keluarga sebagaimana Ed mencintai kedua anaknya.
Aku juga sedih melihat Alex yang rela diduakan saking cintanya pada Ed. Saat Val mulai curiga dan pertemuan rahasia Ed dengan Alex mulai rutin, dan melihat Ed yang tidak sanggup memilih salah satu itu membuatku merasa muak sekaligus bisa memahami kegalauan hatinya.
Pilih Alex = bahaya, sebuah skandal besar, masa depan Alex dan Ed hancur, Ed dipenjara. Jika kawin lari, Ed akan diburu pemerintah karena dianggap telah menculik dan memerkosa Alex. Pilih Val, maka ia harus hidup dalam kebohongan seumur hidupnya, tanpa Alex, hidupnya tak bermakna.
My talent for deception entered a new level at this stage. It was at this point that the old Eddie died forever, I think, for there wasn’t a day after this when I wasn’t lying to someone. Perhaps because it was I’d stopped lying to myself.
Dan menurutku jika ia tetap memaksakan dirinya bersama Val, tidak akan ada HEA di antara mereka berdua, mau bagaimanapun mereka berusaha. Yang ada semuanya terluka parah, termasuk Alex. Lalu, pada akhirnya yang dipilih Ed juga bukanlah jawaban terbaik. Hiks.
Aku tidak suka dengan ending-nya. Sama sekali tidak suka. Kisah cinta yang menyedihkan. Pesan moral : jangan menikahi orang yang tak kamu cintai, hanya karena tuntutan usia, tuntutan lingkungan, tuntutan orangtua, tuntutan situasi, dll. Menikahlah dengan orang itu karena kamu mencintainya dan tak bisa membayangkan seperti apa hidup ini tanpa dirinya.
February 16, 2014
I haven't felt this stunned at the closing of a book many times before. In fact I think it's only happened with Listening To Dust.
Similarly to LtD, nothing can prepare you for what happens here.
I can't say I felt a huge connection to the characters (except Valerie for some reason). I didn't feel for them so much as the story itself. Maybe I have a thing for tortured love... But the further I progressed with this, the harder it became to put the book down.
I'm giving it 4.5 stars for the story itself and the way I feel at this very moment.
Similarly to LtD, nothing can prepare you for what happens here.
I can't say I felt a huge connection to the characters (except Valerie for some reason). I didn't feel for them so much as the story itself. Maybe I have a thing for tortured love... But the further I progressed with this, the harder it became to put the book down.
I'm giving it 4.5 stars for the story itself and the way I feel at this very moment.
December 16, 2015
4.5 HEARTBREAKING STARS. I don't quite know how to properly review this book. This was a difficult topic to read, but so well written, so emotionally captivating, yet one of the hardest books to accept after completing. I can't explain, you need to read it. It's so powerful, you are put into Edwards mind through his journey, you can feel the love & pain of both MC's. The book is so well done, the location, era and style are written so well and contributes so muck to the story. I strongly recommend.
November 7, 2011
An amazing emotional read about the passion a repressed married man feels for the next door neighbor's son in 1962 London and its consequences. Not romance--just pure artistry and bona fide literature. Highly recommended.
February 2, 2012
This story takes m/m to a different level. In fact I'm not sure it's what most people would describe as m/m. A relationship is certainly at the heart of it but it explores all the peripherals that cluster around relationships that m/m frequently ignores. Often the two heroes exist in a vacuum but here both Edward and Alec are surrounded by people all of whom have their own agenda. Even the bit part characters one sees once are provided with enough meat to their bones for one to make a guess at some kind of background for them. Oh and the history! God I remember that Boxing Day snowfall [and the 12 hours it took to get from London to Herefordshire]. But even for those who aren't old enough to be yipping 'oh I remember that' every so often the book depicts the age with uncomfortable accuracy. I read it with increasing pity for all the characters but especially for the narrator, Edward, a deeply civilised man giving in to impulses he doesn't understand and cannot explain even though he knows they are, by everything he has been taught, wrong.
So yes, it's a must read, and if I were you I'd make sure you are somewhere warm and quiet and comfortably lonely because snivelling on the bus or at your office desk in your lunch hour can be a bit embarrassing.
So yes, it's a must read, and if I were you I'd make sure you are somewhere warm and quiet and comfortably lonely because snivelling on the bus or at your office desk in your lunch hour can be a bit embarrassing.
January 31, 2012
Beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful. If I didn't already have a headache from crying I would be crying more right now. It took many things I disliked, lying spouses, cheating spouses, underage lovers, but gosh, Erastes wove a beautifully bleak world for Ed and Alex.
From the very beginning, you knew Ed lost everything. From the very beginning, you knew that something dreadful was going to happen. This is a story that just broke my heart. And it will break your heart too.
I'm not going to go into detail about what happens... because, well, it will ruin the story. Read it.
Absolutely beautiful. If I didn't already have a headache from crying I would be crying more right now. It took many things I disliked, lying spouses, cheating spouses, underage lovers, but gosh, Erastes wove a beautifully bleak world for Ed and Alex.
From the very beginning, you knew Ed lost everything. From the very beginning, you knew that something dreadful was going to happen. This is a story that just broke my heart. And it will break your heart too.
I'm not going to go into detail about what happens... because, well, it will ruin the story. Read it.
January 31, 2012
I knew before I started reading this that it had a tragic ending, and I braced myself for it. As I started reading, I started to figure out just how it was going to end, and I was right. So, I was prepared for it, which was good, because I probably would have fell apart.
Still, even knowing how it would end, I feel like I'm going to start sobbing over it. My heart breaks for Edward and Alex.
Still, even knowing how it would end, I feel like I'm going to start sobbing over it. My heart breaks for Edward and Alex.
December 4, 2011
Erastes has combined several disturbing elements and made me love it. Readers who require happy endings, you are excused now. The rest of you, come over here, let me tell you about something really extraordinary.
Conformity, thy name is Edward Johnson, stockbroker, family man. Aside from a friendship with benefits with his neighbor, he's the picture of standardized suburban success. And why shouldn't he indulge? It's not like either Phil or Ed's wife will give them blowjobs, and it's really the best way to cap off a round of golf. His life is stable with this unconventional arrangement until Phil and his wife move away.
The new neighbors don't fit the neighborhood: he's an engineer (how shocking! He works with his hands!) and she's a nurse (extra shocking! She works!). They've come to a neighborhood nearly beyond their means in order to get their beloved, brilliant son into the best school, hoping to prepare him for the best universities.
Alex is a youth born too soon for the love he's about to encounter. This is 1962, he's still considered under-aged, and he's gay in an exuberant way that it hurts him to hide. He's on the cusp of adulthood, knows what he wants, and what he wants is Ed. It's fitting that they begin to bond over his huge set-up of model trains: too serious to be toys, too playful to be work, but an acceptable reason for a thirty-three year old man to spend time with a seventeen year old boy.
This is told as Ed's memoir, which gives a definite air of doom from the very beginning. From his intermittently frosty relationship with his former tennis-pro wife, his indulgent irritation with his young twin children, to his strangely lopsided relationship with Phil, Ed is bored and primed for a grand passion, but given the times and his lover, there isn't a bit of hope that this will end in any way but tears.
And I cried, oh I cried. I gritted my teeth, I wanted to shake Ed and smack Phil: I wanted to lead Alex by the hand away from this life, this man, into another decade where he could be happy all his life. This might be a throwback to an older form, where gay lovers had to be punished, but the prose is so beautiful, the tragedy so poignant and inevitable, and unfolds so perfectly that the step back works. Ed is not an entirely reliable narrator: his capacity for deluding himself is high, though he comes to recognize that he is depraved, but it's a corruption of integrity, not sexuality. Everyone around him, from his family to his friends, suffers from his flexible honesty; Alex suffers most of all.
Ed lays himself bare, given the restrictions of his ability to speak honestly; Alex is seen through his eyes with either a beatific glow or an unwarranted dismissal. The secondary characters suffer from Ed's narration but have a vivid presence: Valerie chafes at her life, worrying at Ed, Phil, who can do friendly blowjobs and winks at an affair as long as he thinks it's a woman, and the Charleses, Alex' parents, horrified at the last by their golden child.
This story has a lot of elements that I'd say, as a knee jerk reaction, that I hate. Lying, cheating, an underaged MC. And yet I loved the story. I do sad endings if they're fitting. This is fitting.
This is one gorgeously written story; it's painful but intense. I'm glad I read it, though I don't know that I'll revisit it; it hurts too much. But one time through hurts so good.
Conformity, thy name is Edward Johnson, stockbroker, family man. Aside from a friendship with benefits with his neighbor, he's the picture of standardized suburban success. And why shouldn't he indulge? It's not like either Phil or Ed's wife will give them blowjobs, and it's really the best way to cap off a round of golf. His life is stable with this unconventional arrangement until Phil and his wife move away.
The new neighbors don't fit the neighborhood: he's an engineer (how shocking! He works with his hands!) and she's a nurse (extra shocking! She works!). They've come to a neighborhood nearly beyond their means in order to get their beloved, brilliant son into the best school, hoping to prepare him for the best universities.
Alex is a youth born too soon for the love he's about to encounter. This is 1962, he's still considered under-aged, and he's gay in an exuberant way that it hurts him to hide. He's on the cusp of adulthood, knows what he wants, and what he wants is Ed. It's fitting that they begin to bond over his huge set-up of model trains: too serious to be toys, too playful to be work, but an acceptable reason for a thirty-three year old man to spend time with a seventeen year old boy.
This is told as Ed's memoir, which gives a definite air of doom from the very beginning. From his intermittently frosty relationship with his former tennis-pro wife, his indulgent irritation with his young twin children, to his strangely lopsided relationship with Phil, Ed is bored and primed for a grand passion, but given the times and his lover, there isn't a bit of hope that this will end in any way but tears.
And I cried, oh I cried. I gritted my teeth, I wanted to shake Ed and smack Phil: I wanted to lead Alex by the hand away from this life, this man, into another decade where he could be happy all his life. This might be a throwback to an older form, where gay lovers had to be punished, but the prose is so beautiful, the tragedy so poignant and inevitable, and unfolds so perfectly that the step back works. Ed is not an entirely reliable narrator: his capacity for deluding himself is high, though he comes to recognize that he is depraved, but it's a corruption of integrity, not sexuality. Everyone around him, from his family to his friends, suffers from his flexible honesty; Alex suffers most of all.
Ed lays himself bare, given the restrictions of his ability to speak honestly; Alex is seen through his eyes with either a beatific glow or an unwarranted dismissal. The secondary characters suffer from Ed's narration but have a vivid presence: Valerie chafes at her life, worrying at Ed, Phil, who can do friendly blowjobs and winks at an affair as long as he thinks it's a woman, and the Charleses, Alex' parents, horrified at the last by their golden child.
This story has a lot of elements that I'd say, as a knee jerk reaction, that I hate. Lying, cheating, an underaged MC. And yet I loved the story. I do sad endings if they're fitting. This is fitting.
This is one gorgeously written story; it's painful but intense. I'm glad I read it, though I don't know that I'll revisit it; it hurts too much. But one time through hurts so good.
November 13, 2011
Probably the most powerful book I have read all year, extremely well written, the characters carefully realised as you the reader is drawn into their story. As others have said, this book is an emotional roller coaster which has both highs and lows which does not really prepare you for the ultimate denouement. This is the story of Edward a married man living in the stockbroker belt who with help of his best friend and next door neighbour Phil finds his suppressed inner feelings start to emerge - only fully surfacing when a new family with 17 year old Alexander moves in next door.
Reminiscent in a way of "Death in Venice" BUT much more accessible and in my view a commentary of the way people were in 1962.I can thoroughly recommend this book and can not rate it more highly.
Reminiscent in a way of "Death in Venice" BUT much more accessible and in my view a commentary of the way people were in 1962.I can thoroughly recommend this book and can not rate it more highly.
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