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The Rude Story of English
There are only two problems with the story of the English language: one, no hero. Two, not rude enough. In The Rude Story of English, recovering lexicographer Tom Howell swiftly remedies these and gives us a rousing account of our language – without all the boring bits and with all the interesting parts kept in – and reveals English’s boisterous, at times obnoxious, character.
From a haphazard beginning in 449 AD, when a legendary, fearsome Germanic warrior named Hengest tripped and fell onto British shores, the real story of English has been rife with accident, physical comedy, phallic monuments, rude behaviour, dubious facts, and an alarming quantity of poetry written by lawyers.
Across vast distances of space and time, from the language’s origins to its fast-approaching retirement, a moody and miraculously long-lived Hengest voyages to the pubs of Chaucer’s London, aboard pirate ships in the north Atlantic, to plantations in Barbados, bookstores in Jamaica, the chilly inlet of Quidi Vidi, Newfoundland, a private men’s club in Australia, and beyond.
Part Monty Python sketch, part Oxford English Dictionary, The Rude Story of English displays an exuberant love of language and a sharp, anti-authoritarian sense of humour. Entertaining and informative, it looks at English through its most uncomfortable, colourful, and off-putting parts, chronicling the story of the language as it has never been told before.
From a haphazard beginning in 449 AD, when a legendary, fearsome Germanic warrior named Hengest tripped and fell onto British shores, the real story of English has been rife with accident, physical comedy, phallic monuments, rude behaviour, dubious facts, and an alarming quantity of poetry written by lawyers.
Across vast distances of space and time, from the language’s origins to its fast-approaching retirement, a moody and miraculously long-lived Hengest voyages to the pubs of Chaucer’s London, aboard pirate ships in the north Atlantic, to plantations in Barbados, bookstores in Jamaica, the chilly inlet of Quidi Vidi, Newfoundland, a private men’s club in Australia, and beyond.
Part Monty Python sketch, part Oxford English Dictionary, The Rude Story of English displays an exuberant love of language and a sharp, anti-authoritarian sense of humour. Entertaining and informative, it looks at English through its most uncomfortable, colourful, and off-putting parts, chronicling the story of the language as it has never been told before.
320 pages, Paperback
First published November 5, 2013
3 people are currently reading
220 people want to read
About the author
Tom Howell
12 books4 followersA recovering lexicographer, Tom wrote definitions for the Canadian Oxford Dictionary and thesaurus entries for the Canadian Oxford Thesaurus before abandoning serious work. He became the in-house word nerd on CBC Radio’s language show, And Sometimes Y, which involved rewriting Fowler’s Modern English Usage as an opera, etc. Then he took a job as poetry correspondent for CBC’s The Next Chapter. Originally from London, England, Tom currently lives and makes various noises in Toronto.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
August 3, 2018
Well, this is definitely a story. About English. And it is very rude (lots of swearing, archaic and present-day). So in that sense, I suppose Tom Howell delivers exactly what is promised by the title The Rude Story of English.
I really hesitate to call this a work of non-fiction. Oh, there are facts in here. But Howell is very careful to hide them amongst a quite frankly impressive cornucopia of tall tales and speculation, or as he calls it, asterisking. He proposes to explain the evolution of English over the centuries through the perspective of an unusually long-lived protagonist called Hengest, whom Howell co-opts from a quasi-historical Angle believed to have landed on the shores of Britain in AD 449. Hengest consciously and unconsciously influences the development of English from an offshoot of continental Germanic tongues into the imperialistic, colonial juggernaut it became today. As Howell races through the centuries, he concentrates on the rudest, most inappropriate parts of the story.
It’s meant to be funny and entertaining, obviously, and in some ways it is. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I laughed out loud that much. Honestly, “rude” humour has never been my favourite type; it was more so the drier parts of the book that got to me. But if you do like your humour rude and crude, you would probably enjoy this a lot more.
So don’t get the impression that, as I bang on about how this isn’t a very academic book, and it’s really hard sometimes to tell if Howell is being serious or just fabricating yet another tale, that I am condemning The Rude Story of English. I just want my review to make it clear, for anyone thinking of reading this but not sure what they’re getting into, what to expect from this book. You are not getting an academic, heavily-cited work here. That isn’t to say Howell is ignorant or uninteresting or that you will learn nothing of English’s history. Just … take whatever you do learn with a grain of salt. Maybe don’t go around repeating it at parties. (Or maybe do, and that’s why you keep getting invited to parties—I’m not the expert at this.)
I will admit to learning (shock, gasp, horror) some things from this book. For one, Howell does a great job showcasing the difficulty of piecing together the historical record. So much of the early printed English word just doesn’t exist anymore. It’s like a fossil record: sometimes there are missing links, specimens we must infer rather than have direct knowledge of. Howell points out how little we might know of someone, or of their work, and the extent to which historians over the centuries have fabricated or exaggerated the facts to help their theories. This book is a good reminder that “history” is not this single, received story set in stone but is indeed a quixotic, problematic, constantly evolving story incredibly vulnerable to the whims and biases of those who tell it.
Not a fan of the illustrations and diagrams, myself, but if you like that sort of thing you might really enjoy them here too.
The Rude History of English didn’t work great on me, but I can easily see it working great for other people.
I really hesitate to call this a work of non-fiction. Oh, there are facts in here. But Howell is very careful to hide them amongst a quite frankly impressive cornucopia of tall tales and speculation, or as he calls it, asterisking. He proposes to explain the evolution of English over the centuries through the perspective of an unusually long-lived protagonist called Hengest, whom Howell co-opts from a quasi-historical Angle believed to have landed on the shores of Britain in AD 449. Hengest consciously and unconsciously influences the development of English from an offshoot of continental Germanic tongues into the imperialistic, colonial juggernaut it became today. As Howell races through the centuries, he concentrates on the rudest, most inappropriate parts of the story.
It’s meant to be funny and entertaining, obviously, and in some ways it is. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I laughed out loud that much. Honestly, “rude” humour has never been my favourite type; it was more so the drier parts of the book that got to me. But if you do like your humour rude and crude, you would probably enjoy this a lot more.
So don’t get the impression that, as I bang on about how this isn’t a very academic book, and it’s really hard sometimes to tell if Howell is being serious or just fabricating yet another tale, that I am condemning The Rude Story of English. I just want my review to make it clear, for anyone thinking of reading this but not sure what they’re getting into, what to expect from this book. You are not getting an academic, heavily-cited work here. That isn’t to say Howell is ignorant or uninteresting or that you will learn nothing of English’s history. Just … take whatever you do learn with a grain of salt. Maybe don’t go around repeating it at parties. (Or maybe do, and that’s why you keep getting invited to parties—I’m not the expert at this.)
I will admit to learning (shock, gasp, horror) some things from this book. For one, Howell does a great job showcasing the difficulty of piecing together the historical record. So much of the early printed English word just doesn’t exist anymore. It’s like a fossil record: sometimes there are missing links, specimens we must infer rather than have direct knowledge of. Howell points out how little we might know of someone, or of their work, and the extent to which historians over the centuries have fabricated or exaggerated the facts to help their theories. This book is a good reminder that “history” is not this single, received story set in stone but is indeed a quixotic, problematic, constantly evolving story incredibly vulnerable to the whims and biases of those who tell it.
Not a fan of the illustrations and diagrams, myself, but if you like that sort of thing you might really enjoy them here too.
The Rude History of English didn’t work great on me, but I can easily see it working great for other people.
October 20, 2024
Meh. This book sounded good but I knew pretty early on it wasn't going to be for me.
I gather the author is a fairly celebrated Canadian writer/humourist and the premise of this book is fun. The problem (for me at any rate) is that he works way too hard at squeezing cleverness and humour into literally every single sentence he writes. That's an issue because I found myself having to go back and reread many sentences because I got lost in all the cleverness and lost the main nugget the sentence meant to convey.
I realized I was having to work really hard to digest the thread of the writing here, and that's just not something I'm interested in doing when I read for pleasure. For me, even if you're writing non-fiction if you are trying to reach a wide readership audience, don't make your book feel like I'm back in university and need Coles Notes (kids - you can Google that) to follow along throughout your book.
I gather the author is a fairly celebrated Canadian writer/humourist and the premise of this book is fun. The problem (for me at any rate) is that he works way too hard at squeezing cleverness and humour into literally every single sentence he writes. That's an issue because I found myself having to go back and reread many sentences because I got lost in all the cleverness and lost the main nugget the sentence meant to convey.
I realized I was having to work really hard to digest the thread of the writing here, and that's just not something I'm interested in doing when I read for pleasure. For me, even if you're writing non-fiction if you are trying to reach a wide readership audience, don't make your book feel like I'm back in university and need Coles Notes (kids - you can Google that) to follow along throughout your book.
December 13, 2013
There are two problems with the story of the English language, according to Howell: no hero, and not rude enough.
Then he sets off to remedy both.
Follow along with an immortal and his sister (or is that his daughter?) who lands in England under less than ideal circumstances and proceeds to fight, fart, drink and write his way around the world, with English globbing on to things along way.
Howell makes great use of asterisking--*more or less true. Why let the "facts" get in the way and who knows if they are facts anyway?
Howell made me laugh at least once on every page, and his love of language comes through. I also learned some things, and I'll asterisk the rest....
Then he sets off to remedy both.
Follow along with an immortal and his sister (or is that his daughter?) who lands in England under less than ideal circumstances and proceeds to fight, fart, drink and write his way around the world, with English globbing on to things along way.
Howell makes great use of asterisking--*more or less true. Why let the "facts" get in the way and who knows if they are facts anyway?
Howell made me laugh at least once on every page, and his love of language comes through. I also learned some things, and I'll asterisk the rest....
July 26, 2016
I won this book through the Goodreads First Reads program in exchange for an unbiased review.
One of the first thoughts that crossed my mind was that every University student should have this as required reading. Not for the content, no, but for how Howell manages to create a completely plausible and nearly convincing essay out of non-existant historical records and facts. It was a piece of art, how he could snatch a single name out of the past (Hengest), and follow entirely reasonable lines of logic, to come up with the entire history of the English language. He never let the facts (or should I say lack thereof) stand in the way of the story (and don't worry, Howell makes it very clear how much he, and just about every other philologist/linguist has invented through the years).
I've always been fascinated by my native tongue. Working amongst a lot of native French speakers I can be asked things like why do we pronounce the 'h' in 'house' but not in 'hour'? And yet 'hour' and 'our' don't sound quite the same. Why is there an 'h' in ghost if you don't pronounce it? Why are some words the same as the ones in French, but sometimes mean the exact opposite? In fact I once stumbled across the following quote and always thought it wholly appropriate description:
(if you Google it you will find it has a much ruder origin, which is even more appropriate given what I'm reviewing...)
I love how English is such a "mutt" of languages while others try to maintain their purebreed bloodlines. It sees a word it likes and says, "Huh, think I'll keep that one for myself", and off it goes (there's a scene in the book between an Angle/Viking couple that might explain how that all started...)
In fact as I now read The Book of Lost Tales by Tolkien, I can't help but think about Tolkien's time spent working for the Oxford Dictionnary, "asterisking" the origins of English words, because, well, if you don't know something, the next best thing is to simply make it up and sound convincing while you do it :)
I had some really good laughs, but reduced a star becase a few parts did kind of drag along. A lot of research clearly went into this book and the author's love of the language really shines through. You may not get all your questions answered (because they don't exist), but you'll have fun in the process.
I don't think I'll ever get used to the word "Argh" being something other than an expression of frustration. Argh!
One of the first thoughts that crossed my mind was that every University student should have this as required reading. Not for the content, no, but for how Howell manages to create a completely plausible and nearly convincing essay out of non-existant historical records and facts. It was a piece of art, how he could snatch a single name out of the past (Hengest), and follow entirely reasonable lines of logic, to come up with the entire history of the English language. He never let the facts (or should I say lack thereof) stand in the way of the story (and don't worry, Howell makes it very clear how much he, and just about every other philologist/linguist has invented through the years).
I've always been fascinated by my native tongue. Working amongst a lot of native French speakers I can be asked things like why do we pronounce the 'h' in 'house' but not in 'hour'? And yet 'hour' and 'our' don't sound quite the same. Why is there an 'h' in ghost if you don't pronounce it? Why are some words the same as the ones in French, but sometimes mean the exact opposite? In fact I once stumbled across the following quote and always thought it wholly appropriate description:
English is a language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages and rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary
(if you Google it you will find it has a much ruder origin, which is even more appropriate given what I'm reviewing...)
I love how English is such a "mutt" of languages while others try to maintain their purebreed bloodlines. It sees a word it likes and says, "Huh, think I'll keep that one for myself", and off it goes (there's a scene in the book between an Angle/Viking couple that might explain how that all started...)
In fact as I now read The Book of Lost Tales by Tolkien, I can't help but think about Tolkien's time spent working for the Oxford Dictionnary, "asterisking" the origins of English words, because, well, if you don't know something, the next best thing is to simply make it up and sound convincing while you do it :)
I had some really good laughs, but reduced a star becase a few parts did kind of drag along. A lot of research clearly went into this book and the author's love of the language really shines through. You may not get all your questions answered (because they don't exist), but you'll have fun in the process.
I don't think I'll ever get used to the word "Argh" being something other than an expression of frustration. Argh!
September 7, 2014
There is no doubt a lot of erudition in and behind these pages, the author having written definitions and compiled synonyms for recognized dictionaries. For some reason (palatability?)(attempt to be 'different'?) this quite interesting history of English supposedly with emphasis on the 'naughty bits' is buried in a fictionalized narrative that, while sometimes witty, sometimes juvenile, sometimes silly, tends to draw attention from the vibrant, amazing, altogether richly marvelous history of the language which really needs no artificial embellishment:
"One auspicious afternoon in the autumn of the fourteenth century, old Latin patted English on the head and handed it the keys to parliament."
'Your turn to drive, kid,' said Latin"
And if I never again read about the 'adventures' of the fictional Hengest and his sister-daughter Horsehair, I shall lose no sleep. Sometimes one can try too hard to be distinctive and end up just too cute for one's own good.
Pity.
Oh, and by the way, there's relatively little about those 'naughty bits' despite the provocative cover. It's fully 200 pages in Howell's book before we get a whiff of "He-whores" and "Cum-twang windfuckers."
Try instead Ashley Montagu's seminal "An anatomy of swearing" for a full, lively, professional treatise, spiced with a lively ear and rich in detail.
"One auspicious afternoon in the autumn of the fourteenth century, old Latin patted English on the head and handed it the keys to parliament."
'Your turn to drive, kid,' said Latin"
And if I never again read about the 'adventures' of the fictional Hengest and his sister-daughter Horsehair, I shall lose no sleep. Sometimes one can try too hard to be distinctive and end up just too cute for one's own good.
Pity.
Oh, and by the way, there's relatively little about those 'naughty bits' despite the provocative cover. It's fully 200 pages in Howell's book before we get a whiff of "He-whores" and "Cum-twang windfuckers."
Try instead Ashley Montagu's seminal "An anatomy of swearing" for a full, lively, professional treatise, spiced with a lively ear and rich in detail.
May 13, 2015
....I don't know what just happened here. There was this book, and this "Hengest" guy, and he probably existed, and then he...lived forever? Travelled the world spreading English, sponging off anyone who would give him a free meal? This is definitely the oddest non-fiction book I've ever read. I mean, it might be non-fiction but I have to keep going back over it to pick out the made up bits, like some people do with raisins or peas. I think Tom Howell may be trying to create an entirely new genre; non-fiction where nevertheless most of the book is made up. (Extrapolated from p4) I'd call it asterisked non-fiction, and put one after the title. The Rude Story of English* And I think if I read this book again and managed to keep that little guiding star in mind, I could learn a lot.
Plus, a whole chapter on phalluses! What's the polite way to say dick joke? Is there one?
One final tidbit: in spite of his presence on the cover, Henry VIII doesn't show up anywhere in this book. What a jerk.
Plus, a whole chapter on phalluses! What's the polite way to say dick joke? Is there one?
One final tidbit: in spite of his presence on the cover, Henry VIII doesn't show up anywhere in this book. What a jerk.
January 11, 2026
Probably the best way to learn about a pretty boring subject.
Kinda wished I had read it on kindle just so I could’ve been more consistent with my highlights. There were def some phrases I read while on the bus that I wish I could’ve highlighted.
Kinda wished I had read it on kindle just so I could’ve been more consistent with my highlights. There were def some phrases I read while on the bus that I wish I could’ve highlighted.
November 2, 2022
I just could not get myself interested in this book. While I did enjoy parts of it, I found myself getting bored.
November 26, 2014
This is a very fine work indeed, but I'm reservedly rating it four-stars instead of five, as it natively appeals to a narrow group of specialists and makes few efforts to communicate its brilliance to a wider audience.
As a scholar of the English language, I appreciate the author's subtlety and gift for wordplay, and especially for delivering hilarious in-jokes about the history of English "Lang" & "Lit" with a straight face. But much of this book's brilliance is veiled, and will be lost on a casual reader.
The other thing to keep in mind is that, as far as "serious studies" go, this is not one. There is much to be learned here, especially if you are well-equipped to separate the inspired historical research from the ingenious and sometimes hilarious material that is made-up and delivered mostly with a straight face. The book is entertaining in the extreme, and comes from a place of immense knowledge, but also one of immense goof-offedness.
In short, if you are Monty Python's Terry Jones, this wonderful, brilliant, silly book was virtually written for you and you will enjoy every page of it. The farther you are intellectually or sense-of-humoristically from this North Star of brilliant medieval-linguitics humour, the less appeal the book will have for you.
I therefore recommend it emphatically to the people who know instinctively, from this review, that they should read it... and less emphatically (but still with a little emph) for those who don't have that sense.
As a scholar of the English language, I appreciate the author's subtlety and gift for wordplay, and especially for delivering hilarious in-jokes about the history of English "Lang" & "Lit" with a straight face. But much of this book's brilliance is veiled, and will be lost on a casual reader.
The other thing to keep in mind is that, as far as "serious studies" go, this is not one. There is much to be learned here, especially if you are well-equipped to separate the inspired historical research from the ingenious and sometimes hilarious material that is made-up and delivered mostly with a straight face. The book is entertaining in the extreme, and comes from a place of immense knowledge, but also one of immense goof-offedness.
In short, if you are Monty Python's Terry Jones, this wonderful, brilliant, silly book was virtually written for you and you will enjoy every page of it. The farther you are intellectually or sense-of-humoristically from this North Star of brilliant medieval-linguitics humour, the less appeal the book will have for you.
I therefore recommend it emphatically to the people who know instinctively, from this review, that they should read it... and less emphatically (but still with a little emph) for those who don't have that sense.
December 28, 2013
I received this book through a goodreads giveaway. As I started reading it, I realized that it was not quite what I expected.
It is essentially a brief history of the English language, loosely tied together with a story that is best described as historical fiction. The author has a very dry sense of humour, so the book is funny in a very subtle way. On the other hand, I found parts of it to be a little tough to get through, either because the level of detail was uninteresting to me or because the underlying story was hard to follow.
All in all, I found most of the book interesting and parts of it quite funny, but I would recommend it only to those with a very strong interest in the history of language, word origins, etc.
It is essentially a brief history of the English language, loosely tied together with a story that is best described as historical fiction. The author has a very dry sense of humour, so the book is funny in a very subtle way. On the other hand, I found parts of it to be a little tough to get through, either because the level of detail was uninteresting to me or because the underlying story was hard to follow.
All in all, I found most of the book interesting and parts of it quite funny, but I would recommend it only to those with a very strong interest in the history of language, word origins, etc.
May 12, 2014
I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of the book where the author "astericks" most of the linguistic "history" of English. It's quite entertaining. However, it's hard for me to take any of it seriously since he quotes Wikipedia more than once. I did definitely enjoy his historical character that he turned into a fictional character and used his name as an example of how the meaning of a work can change with time.
Unfortunately by the second half I lost interest. Not sure why. Probably because it felt like more of the same. Took me double the time to get through the second half than the first.
Unfortunately by the second half I lost interest. Not sure why. Probably because it felt like more of the same. Took me double the time to get through the second half than the first.
August 4, 2014
It's very silly and very facetious, but I felt it wove a good story, with surprisingly good characters. Seriously: the Saxon invader Hengist, cursed with immortality, shows up throughout history to either witness or influence the evolution of the English language. Along with his hirsute sister, who might also be his daughter. That makes for a pretty good frame to hang things on. The trouble with this book is that there's a lot of actual linguistic/historical detail underneath it all, but it's really hard to tell amid all the sillyness. Still, I enjoyed it immensely and found myself thinking about it for many days afterward.
May 19, 2014
This started out as an absolute riot. I adored every page and when I was reading in public I kept getting looks from passers-by because I kept breaking into laughter. About a third of the way through though (really, once we'd left the Anglo-Saxon period) it started to fall flat for the most part. There were still sections that had me chuckling (i.e. the pirates) but by the end of the book I was eager to just be done with it. Still, if you have any interest in linguistics, British/English/Anglo-Saxon history or a love for Monty Python-esque humour then this is one you should try.
September 1, 2014
Enjoyed it once I got used to figuring out what was true and what was made up (or asterisked, as the author puts it).
The main upshot of reading this book is that I now pronounce the word asterisk as "aster risk", rather than "astrix", because I am British and terrified of sounding common. And for this, the author can be proud.
The main upshot of reading this book is that I now pronounce the word asterisk as "aster risk", rather than "astrix", because I am British and terrified of sounding common. And for this, the author can be proud.
November 19, 2015
This is how history should be told – a raucous, humorous adventure on the heels of foul-mouthed (but ultimately loveable) protagonists. If you put Captain Haddock from Tintin into Highlander as an immortal roaming around England for two millennia (except more of a perpetually hungry Angle warrior), this is the book you'd get. You're welcome.
January 18, 2014
Good, and quite funny. Not really a story as such, and not really a reference book. I learned some things ("donkey", and other words that mean "bottom") and probably unlearned some things, due to rampant asterisking.
December 14, 2014
The Rude Story of English is silly, a bit mad, and contains far more mediaeval English than I was expecting (whole stanzas --translated, of course-- instead of phrases or words).
All in all, I think I'm more Hengesty than ELF (but maybe that's the French speaking).
All in all, I think I'm more Hengesty than ELF (but maybe that's the French speaking).
October 29, 2014
There's a lot of humour and history in this book, but the attempt to create a fictional narrator, while at first [archetypically] enjoyable detracted from my personal pleasure. The funny stuff could have been shared in a much more accessible [and shorter] format I think.
November 22, 2013
Historical, bizarre, intellectual and tongue in cheek. An adventure in language.
November 26, 2017
Not as funny or informing as intended or expected; the author was so intent on proving his comedic chops that he obscured the lessons he wanted to impart.
October 13, 2014
One of those books that you will either really like (get) or hate (find annoying). A quirky trawl through some of the lower bits of the history of the English language.
February 9, 2015
Excellent book, rude in many senses of the word, and well worth a look for philologists and maybe even lexicographers.
March 26, 2015
One of the finest, most educational absurdities I have ever had the pleasure of studying.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews